


The Note

by W0rldofmy0wn



Series: The Note [1]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: F/F, Falling In Love, Growing Up, High School, Marine Corps, The 100 - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-05
Updated: 2015-11-24
Packaged: 2018-03-21 07:45:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 26
Words: 258,310
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3683931
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/W0rldofmy0wn/pseuds/W0rldofmy0wn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Forever doesn't seem like a very long time when you're sixteen and in love. When you're eighteen and unsure of where you are going or what you are doing with your life however, forever becomes one more terrifying unknown in an abyss of uncertainties. Lexa loves Clarke too much to ask her to wait for her; Clarke loves Lexa too much to want to do anything else, but when she has no idea if she'll even ever see the other girl again, will she be able to put her heart through that? Apart, will their love for each other survive, or will time prove that nothing truly lasts? Does true love mean holding on no matter the hurt, or does it mean letting go? Neither Clarke nor Lexa know, but they're going to find out.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Meet me in the bathroom during morning break.  
  
Lexa read the short, simple message for probably the hundredth time since she found it stuffed in her locker that morning when she went to get the books she needed for her first class. The small note just laid in front of her on her desk, hidden among the papers in her notebook. It wasn't signed, but nevertheless, she had a pretty good idea of who had left it for her, which meant that the first period crawled by as she waited for the bell to ring to signify the beginning of morning break. On a normal day, she didn't mind having stats as the first class of the day, but this morning she would have sworn that the clock was broken, and that Mr. Kane was speaking in slow motion. Her pencil tapped lightly against her notebook, the only visible sign of her impatience as Kane droned on.  
  
Anya, her best friend, sat on her right, dutifully taking notes, and she could feel Anya giving her looks every now and then. She wasn't surprised: on a normal day Lexa would be politely paying attention to Mr. Kane, taking notes of anything he would write on the board for the class. On a normal day, Lexa was a model student, raising her hand and answering questions when they were asked, and asking any questions she might have when something was not clear.  
  
But this was not a normal day. This day Lexa was on the edge of her seat, pencil tapping in impatience, and all because of a little note. The words kept running through her head, and she wouldn't have been able to pay attention to the class even if she had wanted to. All because of that damn note.  
  
Finally, finally, the bell rang, and Lexa had her notebook back in her bag in record time. Just as she was about to race out of the room, however, she felt a grip on her arm, and she looked down in surprise.  
  
“Lexa,” Anya asked, her grip tightening a little more when she inadvertently tried to pull away, “Are you okay? Did you pay attention to even a word that Kane said that whole class?”  
  
“I did,” Lexa replied, making sure she had control over the tone of her voice. The last thing she needed was for Anya to start asking her a bunch of questions. “However, I had to use the restroom throughout the majority of class. It's hard to pay attention when your bladder is completely full.”  
  
“Why not just go to the bathroom then?” Anya countered, clearly not believing her friend.  
  
“I didn't wish to interrupt the class,” she informed her friend, before shaking Anya's hand from her arm. “However, I do still have to use the restroom, so I will meet up with you during third period, alright?”  
  
“Alright, whatever you say, Lexa,” Anya called as Lexa began to walk away, but from her tone, Lexa could tell that Anya didn't believe her. It didn't matter; Lexa knew that Anya wouldn't pry, even if she was curious as to what had gotten her all worked up. For a quiet girl like Lexa, that made Anya a very good friend, and she knew she was lucky to have her.  
  
As Lexa navigated through the crowded school hallways, she suddenly realized that the note hadn't specified which bathroom she was supposed to go to. Shrugging her shoulders, she adjusted the bag on her back, and then made her way to the bathroom closest to her locker, hoping that that was the right one.  
  
Taking a deep breath as she reached the door, she opened it to find that no one stood at the sinks, nor was there anyone in any of the three stalls. She figured she must have just beaten the owner of her mysterious note, so she decided to poise herself in front of one of the mirrors. She needed a reason to be in there in case anyone else walked in, so she swung the bag off of her back, unzipped it, and took out her mascara, and began to re-apply what was already a perfectly fine amount of mascara to her eyes.  
  
Just as she leaned forward towards the mirror, the bathroom door opened, and three girls walked in, in the middle of a conversation. Lexa pretended not to give them any notice, just as they did the same with her.  
  
“But I don't understand why we have to do this stupid homework anyway!” Octavia Blake exclaimed, as she leaned heavily against the wall next to the sink farthest away from Lexa's.  
  
“I don't know about the rest of us, but you have to do this stupid homework because otherwise you might fail the test tomorrow, and if you do that, then they won't let you play in the game against Mount Weather this weekend. And you know our team has no chance against them without you there to lead the way,” Raven Reyes reminded her, rolling her eyes as Octavia glared at her.  
  
“That's all so stupid! I hate that one stupid test could keep me away from the biggest game of the year!” Octavia growled, hitting the wall that she leaned on with her fist.  
  
“O, to you every game is the biggest game of the year. I know you love soccer, but it isn't everything,” Clarke Griffin, the leader of the trio told her, then continued on to say, “But don't worry, I'll help you study during study hall this afternoon, and again tomorrow before the test. You'll do fine.”  
  
Clarke stood in front of the mirror of the sink that Octavia was leaning by, fixing her hair and checking her make-up. Raven noticed the primping and scoffed.  
  
“What's the matter, Clarke? Trying to look even hotter for Bellamy?” she asked the blonde, a smirk on her lips.  
  
Octavia grimaced, a look of disgust on her face.  
  
“Oh god, please no,” she groaned, “Please tell me you are not primping for my brother. I will probably _puke_ if both of you end up sleeping with him.”  
  
Clarke rolled her eyes, about to say something, but was interrupted when Raven exclaimed, “Hey, that was one time! It was a moment of weakness after Finn was stupid and dumped me! But Clarke... I mean, you have to have both noticed it. There is some serious chemistry between you and Bellamy, my friend. And I'm the science nerd: I know chemistry when I see it.”  
  
“Enough, Raven,” Clarke cut her off, turning towards her, “There is nothing going on between me and Bellamy. Nothing at all. So why don't you two go grab your stuff and get ready for your next period, and I'll see you guys at lunch. Make sure Octavia actually _goes_ to her science class, instead of skipping it this time.”  
  
Octavia growled at Clarke, “Hey, I'm a big girl you know, I can walk myself to class!”  
  
Raven rolled her eyes at the other dark haired girl and told her, “Right, like if I didn't walk you to class you wouldn't skip it for the second time this week. I don't understand why you don't like science so much, it's freaking awesome. Plus, Clarke is just trying to change the subject so that she can go on hiding her mad love for your brother a little longer. But you don't fool me, Griffin.” She linked her arm with Octavia's, even as the other girl made a disgusted face.  
  
“Raven, you are so wrong about that,” she told her, as they moved towards the door, both nodding at Clarke before they opened the door, “Clarke and Bell are so not a thing.”  
  
With that, they were gone, and Lexa was alone with Clarke. Throughout their conversation, she had remained emotionless, her eyes never leaving her own mirror, but when the conversation had moved towards Clarke and Bellamy, she had felt the pit form in her stomach. She had seen the two of them interact before, and had often wondered if anything was going on between them. The idea of them together made Lexa both furious and devastated at the same time, but she refused to let that register on her face.  
  
After a few moments, she felt Clarke's gaze turn to her, and she heard the blonde say, “I was a little worried they weren't going to leave. When they decided to follow me into the bathroom, I wanted to yell at them to leave me alone, but obviously I couldn't do that. At least they left eventually though.”  
  
Lexa kept her gaze pointed forward, as she replied, “And why didn't you want them to follow you in here? Personally, I've never understood why girls tend to flock to a bathroom together, but it seems to be the social norm, so I don't see why you would have a problem with it.”  
  
What she really wanted to ask the other girl was why she couldn't tell Octavia and Raven not to follow her, why they even needed to meet up in secret, in a bathroom to begin with, but she knew better than to open that can of worms. Clarke had made it clear that she was not ready to announce to the world her bisexuality, and so, though it hurt Lexa to not be able to talk about her feelings for Clarke to anyone, she kept her mouth shut. It didn't stop the ache in her chest, however, whenever she saw Clarke in the hallway and couldn't go up to her, couldn't hold her hand or even really touch her. They had never really belonged to the same crowd, and Clarke had said that if they started hanging out in public together, people would start asking questions. So however much it hurt, Lexa followed the rules, and only sought Clarke out in private, when outside eyes could not see their shared looks and their little touches.  
  
Lexa was brought out of her private thoughts, however, when she felt arms wrap around her middle, and felt Clarke's chest pressed up against her back. Her eyes darted to the door, and she immediately saw that at some point while she was lost in her thoughts, Clarke had locked it so that no one could interrupt the few minutes they had left before the bell would ring and they would need to go to class. Her breath caught in her throat, when she felt soft, feather-light kisses brushing against the back of her neck. She looked in the mirror, and saw Clarke watching the expression on her face as she touched Lexa.  
  
“I didn't want them to follow me in here,” Clarke murmured, once she knew she had gotten Lexa's full attention, “Because I wanted to have my alone time with you uninterrupted. However, since they did, it seriously cut down on the time we have before the bell rings, so I don't have nearly as much time to do what I wanted.”  
  
Lexa licked her lips, trying to buy some time as she tried to get the beating of her heart under control, but she could see from the smirk on Clarke's face that the blonde wasn't buying it.  
  
“What... What is it that you wanted to do?” she asked the other girl, attempting to keep her tone light and uninterested, but failing miserably.  
  
“This,” Clarke whispered against Lexa's neck, and suddenly Lexa felt one of Clarke's hands slip down the front of her pants. Her knees started to buckle before she braced them, not having expected the assault, but also not at all against it as the blonde's fingers slipped beneath her underwear and found her opening. A finger quickly rubbed against her clit, before moving with a second finger down to her opening, and slipping in easily.  
  
“Looks like my little note was all that I needed to get you ready, huh Lexa?” Clarke teased, as her fingers moved around easily inside of Lexa. All Lexa could do for a reply was groan, as Clarke rubbed her clit roughly with her thumb. Her free hand found one of Lexa's breasts, and began to squeeze it roughly through her shirt. Lexa could feel her nipples hardening against her bra as she unintentionally pressed her chest harder into the other girl's hand.  
  
Just as Clarke began scissoring her fingers inside of Lexa and Lexa was about to go over the edge, the warning bell rang, and Lexa cried out in dismay as Clarke removed her hand from Lexa's front and stepped away from the other girl. Lexa turned and watched Clarke as she quickly sucked her own fingers clean, her eyes closing in pleasure as she tasted Lexa on her fingers. Just watching the scene made Lexa groan again, and she could feel that coil in her stomach get even tighter, needing to be set loose. Unfortunately though, when Clarke opened her eyes and took the fingers out of her mouth, she just smiled at Lexa, and then turned and moved towards the door.  
  
As she unlocked the door, she told Lexa, “You better hurry; don't want to be late for class.” With that, she reached out and grabbed the door handle, but before she opened the door, she turned back to Lexa and said, “Oh yeah, and my house tonight? The usual time? I'll leave the window open for you.”  
  
Lexa looked at Clarke, whose innocent expression certainly would not suggest to anyone that she had just fingered Lexa in the girl's bathroom, and then sucked those fingers off, and shook her head. She didn't know why, but she was pretty sure that she would follow this girl anywhere in the world if she asked her to, especially if she was looking at her with _that_ look in her eyes. For although her expression was innocent enough, Lexa could read her eyes, and they screamed “I wanna fuck you against the wall right now, but I can't so I will wait,” and just the promise in those eyes was enough for the coil in her stomach to tighten even more.  
  
Finally Lexa nodded, saying, “Your house tonight. Can't wait.” And with that, Clarke nodded, then opened the door and left, leaving Lexa alone in the bathroom feeling very, _very_ turned on, and with no time to do anything about it. Grumbling to herself about blondes who thought they were awfully clever, Lexa grabbed her bag, stuffing her mascara back into it, checked her reflection in the mirror to make sure she did _not_ look like she had just been fingered in the bathroom, and then left the room, knowing she was going to be late for class.

  


****

  


Lexa climbed the tree, as nimble as a squirrel. She had always been good at tree climbing, but had never truly appreciated the talent as much as when she and Clarke started... this, whatever it was. When she got to the correct branch, she shimmed out on to it, grasping the open window by its sides, and carefully swung herself inside the room, landing with a soft thud on the floor of Clarke's bedroom.  
  
“You're always so good at that,” a voice from the dark observed quietly, and Lexa turned to find Clarke leaning against the end of her bed, arms crossed over her chest as she watched Lexa steal into her room.  
  
Lexa didn't answer, just moved swiftly over to Clarke, lightly grabbing her shoulders and bringing her in for a hard kiss. Clarke squeaked lightly in surprise, not expecting Lexa to be quite so forceful, but quickly dissolved into the kiss, her eyes closing as Lexa held her close. Lexa's hands moved from her shoulders to cup her face and neck, drawing her even farther into the kiss, and Clarke's hands wrapped tightly around Lexa's middle, so that Lexa couldn't pull away.  
  
They kissed until their lungs screamed for oxygen, and even then they only pulled far enough apart so they could breath, their foreheads remaining pressed against each other.  
  
Clarke grinned, looking up into Lexa's eyes as she told her, “Well that was a very passionate hello. What's the matter: somebody got you a little worked up?”  
  
Lexa glared down at Clarke, causing Clarke to shudder a little in anticipation.  
  
“You,” she growled to the blonde, “Got me very 'worked up' in the bathroom at school this morning, and then just left me. It took me a very long time to calm down from that. I was not able to pay attention in any of my classes because I kept thinking about you.”  
  
The smirk on Clarke's face grew, and Lexa could see the mischief in the blonde's eyes when she asked, “And what exactly was I doing in those thoughts you had about me?”  
  
Lexa had to clench her jaw to keep her face from betraying just exactly how turned on she had been all day from just _thinking_ about Clarke, but from the gleam in those blue eyes, she could tell that Clarke knew _exactly_ what she had done to her when she left that bathroom.  
  
“Many things,” Lexa informed her, “But really, it was more the things that _I_ was doing to _you ___in those thoughts that really distracted me.”  
  
They were so close that Lexa actually heard Clarke gulp, and saw the movement in her neck as she swallowed. Clarke's eyes were so dark with desire that had there been more than just moonlight streaming through the window, Lexa was pretty sure they would still look almost black. She felt the corner of her lips turn up in a slight smile as she asked, “Would you like me to show you what those things were?”  
  
Without waiting for a response, Lexa lowered her lips to Clarke's jaw, giving it a slight nip before trailing it down the blonde's neck. She felt Clarke's breath hitch, and smirked slightly when she felt Clarke's hands clench against her even more tightly. When Clarke spoke next, Lexa didn't stop the movement of her lips or her tongue, instead choosing to taste the slight sheen of sweat that was beginning to appear on her skin.  
  
“We have to be quiet,” Clarke whispered, her breathing starting to turn heavy again, “My mom's sleeping. Can't wake her up.”  
  
Lexa's hands began to wander down Clarke's body, playing with the hem of the light t-shirt that Clarke had on. Between her small nips to the blonde's neck, she replied, “I'm not the one whose volume tends to become an issue.”  
  
“Hey!” Clarke exclaimed, and then lowered her voice to tell her, “I'm not _always_ the only one who can be loud! You have your moments too, don't you, _Commander_?!”  
  
Lexa's nostrils flared against Clarke's skin. Yes, she was right: every now and then she could get very, very worked up if Clarke called her Commander in bed. She had no idea why that was, though she was pretty sure that it just had to do with how competitive she was. So when Clarke Griffin, one of the most competitive people she knew, called her Commander while she made love to her, Lexa tended to get _very_ worked up. However, Lexa decided to ignore the jibe, and focus on the task at hand.  
  
“Well tonight,” she murmured, never taking her lips off of Clarke's skin for more than a moment, “We will the both of us have to stay as quiet as possible. I wish you the best of luck.”  
  
She could tell from the way that Clarke moved that her eyebrows were raised, obviously in confusion.  
  
“And why is that?” she asked, the confusion even more evident in her voice.  
  
“Because tonight I will be merciless, after what you did this morning,” Lexa informed her, before she bit down slightly on Clarke's clavicle, making Clarke inhale sharply.  
  
Her fingers, where they had been dancing around the hem of Clarke's shirt finally gripped the fabric, and dragged it up, pulling it off of Clarke entirely before she tossed it to the floor. She was pleased to see that Clarke had already removed her bra, probably in the process of getting ready for bed, and immediately fell on one breast, taking the nipple in her mouth and sucking on it, causing the blonde to moan slightly. Her left hand moved to her other breast, rubbing the nipple between the pads of her fingers until it was a hard pebble, as her right hand landed on her lower back, pulling the smaller girl in closer to her. Clarke in return buried her head in the crook of Lexa's shoulder, to try to help her keep her moans in. Before long, Lexa switched sides so that she could suck and nibble each nipple in turn, as she ran the pad of her thumb over the now free one, causing Clarke to take in a sharp breath once again.  
  
Soon Lexa needed more, so she abandoned her work with Clarke's wonderful breasts, much to the blonde's dismay, and began trailing her lips down the other girl's stomach. She moved so that she was kneeling in front of Clarke, and continued to nip and suck at the girl's skin, making her shiver as her fingers danced around the skin of her sides and back. Getting to her bellybutton, Lexa flicked her tongue around the indentation a couple of times, and then continued to move down Clarke's body. Before long, her lips found the waistband of the blonde's pajama pants, and Lexa looked up at her. Clarke's chest was rising and falling quickly, her excitement evident in her breathing. Lexa smirked up at her, before her fingers pulled at the pants, dragging them down Clarke's wonderfully toned legs. Along with the pants went the underwear that she had been wearing, and suddenly Clarke Griffin stood naked in front of the kneeling Lexa.  
  
For a moment Lexa just stared unabashedly, letting Clarke get worked up from her stillness. Then she leaned forward, gripping each of the girl's thighs in her hands, and brought her mouth towards the space between the blonde's legs. She didn't look up to see the expression on Clarke's face: she knew what it was, knew that Clarke had her eyes closed in anticipation, her bottom lip stuck between her teeth. Lexa loved the expression, but at that moment there was only one thing that she had any interest in.  
  
Slowly, very slowly, _tortuously slowly_ , Clarke thought, Lexa flattened her tongue against Clarke's nether lips, and licked up, tasting what was just so very _Clarke_. She moaned, which caused Clarke to moan, as the vibrations from Lexa's mouth hit her. She began to moan again, but then it got caught in her throat when Lexa's tongue suddenly darted between her lips, to rub against her clit, that little bundle of nerves that just felt so good when Lexa touched it like that. She could feel her legs starting to shake, and she could tell that Lexa could too, as she felt Lexa begin to gently push against her thighs, telling her to lay back on the bed behind her.  
  
Clarke obliged, laying, or perhaps more like falling, back on her bed, her legs hanging off of the end of the mattress, with Lexa still kneeling on the floor in front of her, her tongue still rolling around that bundle of nerves. Lexa moved her arms under the blonde's thighs, wrapping them around her legs so that she could pull herself further into the space between Clarke's legs.  
  
For a few more moments, Lexa continued to suck and nibble on Clarke's clit, and she could feel the muscles in the blonde's legs tighten as her toes clenched from the feelings Lexa was causing in her body. Before she fell over the edge, however, Lexa stopped focusing on that very special bundle of nerves, and moved down, causing Clarke to jump slightly when she felt Lexa's tongue enter her. She began to moan, clenching her teeth together tightly in the effort not to make too much noise, but if Lexa kept doing _that_ to her, then she didn't know if she would be able to really hold it in. Just when she thought she had finally mastered it and was in charge of her noise level, a loud gasp tore through her throat when she suddenly felt two of Lexa's fingers enter her and her tongue return to her clit.  
  
“Lex-a,” she moaned, trying desperately to stay quiet, but having a very hard time at doing just that.  
  
“Yes Clarke?” she heard and felt the muffled reply from between her legs, and moaned again as the vibrations hit her.  
  
“Please,” she begged quietly, her legs tightening around the brunette.  
  
“Please what, Clarke?” Lexa asked her, and this time she was kind enough to remove her mouth from Clarke's nether region, though her fingers continued to work their way in and out of Clarke at a steady pace.  
  
“Please,” she begged again, her fingers clenching around her comforter in the attempt at gaining even just a little control over her own body, “Please, I need to... I need to...”  
  
Without stopping the movements of her hand, Lexa disentangled herself from between Clarke's legs and stood up. She knew that Clarke was close, and she wanted a better seat to see the look on her face when she finally came undone. She moved up on the bed, until she was leaning over the blonde, her fingers still pumping tirelessly inside her, starting to pick up speed now. She watched how Clarke bit down on her lower lip as she began to use her thumb to also trace circles over her clit, and though the blonde was trying, as Lexa's fingers moved faster, Clarke's moans grew in volume. Unless she wanted to stop altogether, it was clear that the blonde was not going to be able to remain quiet any longer, and there was no way Lexa was stopping (besides, that would have just been extra cruel, to get the smaller girl _this_ worked up, and then not follow through with it. Lexa wanted revenge from that morning, but that would have been going overboard). So instead, Lexa quickly leaned down, engulfing Clarke's lips with her own, as her fingers pistoned in and out of Clarke, allowing Clarke to moan into the kiss as she finally came undone, her body quaking beneath Lexa's.  
  
It took many moments, but finally Clarke's body stopped shaking, and her breath returned to its somewhat usual pace. She was not able to breath as freely as usual, as Lexa was still kissing her, but Clarke preferred it that way. She reached up and cupped Lexa's face, holding her in place as her tongue poked at Lexa's lips, asking for entrance, which Lexa freely granted. The blonde's tongue darted around the taller girl's mouth, tasting herself on Lexa's tongue and lips. She was pretty sure she should have felt weird about that, but she didn't. She loved how she tasted on Lexa's tongue, and honestly, she probably would have thought anything tasted good if it came from Lexa's tongue.  
  
Once again oxygen won out in the end, and the two girls had to disconnect their lips or risk passing out. As they caught their breaths, they stared into each others eyes, a small smile on Lexa's lips, and a tired grin on Clarke's. As Lexa shifted as though to move from her position above Clarke, however, Clarke got that mischievous look in her eyes once again, and instead she grabbed Lexa's leg, guiding it over her stomach until Lexa was straddling her. Lexa stared down at Clarke in puzzlement, but allowed Clarke to move her, waiting to find out what the blonde girl was up to. She didn't have to wait long, however, when Clarke grabbed the hand that had just been thrusting fingers into her, and guided it towards her face. Never breaking eye contact with Lexa, she brought those fingers to her mouth, first letting her tongue dart over them, and then sliding her lips over them, until she was sucking on them.  
  
Lexa could not stop a low moan before it made its way up her throat. The moan only spurned Clarke on, and she began sucking the fingers harder, tasting her own essence on Lexa's fingers.  
  
“Clarke,” Lexa groaned softly, as she inadvertently brushed herself against Clarke's stomach, the pressure in her own stomach starting to build up.  
  
“How are you doing there, Commander?” Clarke teased softly, after she slowly removed the fingers from between her lips. “You made me feel... _really_ good just now, but you're still fully dressed. We should fix that, so that I can return the favor.”  
  
Before Lexa could move to do anything, Clarke's fingers were trailing underneath her shirt, her fingernails brushing lightly against her skin, causing the brunette to shiver. Her eyelids fell closed, but quickly shot open again when one hand disappeared, only to rub against her front from outside her pants.  
  
“Come on Lexa,” Clarke whispered, “Let me touch you. Please.”  
  
The brunette nodded quickly, her words stuck in her throat as Clarke ran her fingers over the front of her pants again. Lexa still wore the skinny jeans that she had put on that morning before going to school, so Clarke's fingers quickly popped the button open and dragged the zipper down, before snaking their way inside the opening. She rubbed Lexa through her underwear, where Clarke was very pleased to find a large wet spot had formed, and listened as Lexa moaned ever so slightly.  
  
“Well well Lexa,” Clarke teased again, her thumb running along the other girl's lips from what Lexa considered to be the _wrong_ side of her underwear, “It looks like someone is a little worked up again.”  
  
“Clarke,” Lexa snapped quietly, her jaw clenched tightly as the tightness in her stomach grew.  
  
“Take them off, Lexa,” Clarke ordered, and Lexa quickly got off the bed and pulled both the jeans and underwear from her body. “Now come back to me,” she ordered again, and usually Lexa would have argued, not one to take orders from others, but this was _Clarke_ , and Clarke had that look on her face that _promised_ to make her feel oh so very good, so she climbed back on the bed, and once again straddled the blonde. As soon as she was back over Clarke, the blonde reached up and grabbed her shoulders, dragging her down so that she could taste the taller girl's lips once again. As they kissed, Clarke let her fingers draw light patterns on the insides of Lexa's thighs, and the corners of her mouth pulled up into a grin as Lexa's hips ground down on her stomach and little noises escaped past Lexa's lips as she pulled her mouth back by mere centimeters.  
  
“ _Clarke_ ,” Lexa groaned, her lips brushing against the blonde's, and the other girl could hear the absolute _need_ in her voice.  
  
“Yes Lexa?” Clarke asked almost innocently, but when the other girl didn't respond and only clenched her jaw tighter, she tried to coax her on, saying to her, “Tell me what you want Lexa. Whatever you want, I'll give it to you, but you have to tell me first.”  
  
Lexa's nostrils flared once again, and she glared down at Clarke, but when she felt Clarke's fingers trailing slowly closer to where she wanted them, _needed them_ , to touch her, she gave in, and told her, “I need you... to just _fuck me_ , already!”  
  
With no warning, Clarke's fingers were touching her; two fingers slipped past her lips and were suddenly inside her, pumping in and out of her with no control while her thumb circled the taller girl's clit, and Lexa was grinding down on them in return, her eyes closed and jaw clenched so that no sound could escape her mouth. Clarke watched how the other girl moved on top of her, watched how only the twitching of her eyelids and her grip on Clarke's comforter gave away how she was feeling, and suddenly Clarke wanted to taste her. Slowing her movements inside of the other girl, Clarke guided her legs up, until her head was between them, and then she removed her fingers altogether. When she looked up at Lexa kneeling over her face, she saw that Lexa was now watching her, and even in the dark she could see the fiery need that burned in the other girl's eyes, so without any other delay, Clarke picked her head up to meet the apex between Lexa's legs, and drove her tongue between the lips, finally tasting the other girl. She groaned loudly when she finally felt the wetness of the girl above her on her tongue and tasted what was so unforgettably Lexa.  
  
As Clarke's groan tore through her, it was all Lexa could do not to groan even more loudly. Instead she gripped the headboard of Clarke's bed, and thrust her hips into the face between her legs, feeling Clarke's tongue go even deeper into her. The two quickly fell into a rhythm, and Lexa was already so worked up, she knew that it was not going to take long for Clarke to push her over the edge. Sure enough, when the blonde's tongue began to circle around Lexa's clit, rubbing it and sucking on it roughly, she felt her resolve shatter, and she came undone completely. Clarke's tongue didn't stop as Lexa's body shook above her, but instead lapped up all of the wetness that came gushing out of her, making Lexa shake even harder.  
  
Finally the shaking stopped, and so did Clarke's tongue. Clarke's head fell back on the bed, her breathing heavy as she tried to catch her breath once again. Lexa didn't move for a few moments, just leaned against the headboard, trying to gather her thoughts as she too tried to catch her breath.  
  
“Wow,” Clarke finally breathed, breaking the silence, “I think you definitely got me back from the bathroom this morning. Though honestly, this just makes me want to get you worked up at school more often. This was... I don't know. I want to say great, but I don't think that really does this justice. Amazing? Incredible?”  
  
“Yes,” Lexa replied quietly without looking at Clarke, “It was just that. I will see you at school tomorrow.” With that, the brunette moved to get off the bed, swinging one leg up so that she no longer straddled Clarke's face. She moved to get up, but as she tried to do so, she felt a grip on her arm. She stilled, but didn't look at the other girl.  
  
“Lexa, is something wrong?” Clarke asked her, worry evident in her voice, “Did I hurt you or something?”  
  
Lexa still wouldn't look at her as she told her, “Of course not. I am fine. We did our thing, now it's time for me to go.”  
  
She tried to get up again, but Clarke's grip on her arm tightened, and she felt the mattress shift as Clarke moved over to her.  
  
“Lexa, come on. Talk to me, tell me what's wrong,” Clarke pleaded, and the brunette stiffened when she felt the girl's free hand rubbing circles on her back.  
  
For moment, Lexa refused to speak, but as the circles on her back continued, she felt her shoulders slump, as her body naturally leaned into Clarke's. Finally she told the other girl, “I just... don't like hiding this relationship from everyone.” She felt Clarke stiffen next to her, so she went on quickly, “I mean, I know that you are not ready to come out yet, and I would never want to force you to come out before you're ready but... I just worry that you are ashamed of me.” She looked over to Clarke finally, and saw that the blonde had her bottom lip between her teeth again, and a sad expression in her eyes, and Lexa hated herself for being the one to put that there, but these were words she needed to say. “I really... really like you, Clarke, and don't get me wrong, I love these times we spend together but.. sometimes I feel like I am being used because you can't decide what you want. If this... if us, and what we are doing, is just you having fun, then I can't do this anymore. I won't be used like this. Not by you; not by anyone. No matter how hot I think they are,” she tried to end it jokingly, to ease the tension, but she knew that it hadn't worked; the tension was there, and it was nearly palpable.  
  
“Lexa...” Clarke started, and then she paused, clearly trying to get her words right before she said them. Lexa didn't rush her; she knew that sometimes it was hard to match words up with feelings, so she gave Clarke the time she needed to get her thoughts gathered. Finally she continued, “Lexa I'm... I'm so sorry. I never... I never meant to make you feel this way. I do know what I want: I want you. I want to be with you, to hold you, to... And I'm not ashamed of that. I am not, not at all, ashamed of you. Why should I be? I mean, look at you. You're...” she trailed off again, gazing at Lexa, who felt herself almost blush under the gaze, but refused to look away. “You are beautiful, Lexa; gorgeous. But you are so much more than just that. You're smart, fiercely loyal, kind, but only to those who deserve it, and you take no bullshit. You know who you are, and you are proud of it. I'm just... I'm not ready, I guess, to be proud of who I am, but god, I am proud of you, and I know I am so damn lucky that you look at me the way you do. Basically I guess what I'm saying is... I really, really like you too, Lexa, and even though I'm not ready to come out quite yet, I will be, soon, and I think that's all because of you.”  
  
Clarke reached out and cupped Lexa's cheek gently, and Lexa leaned into the touch, needing the contact, though she hated to admit it. One corner of Clarke's mouth turned up into a small smile, but Lexa could see it was only to try to hide the fear in Clarke's eyes as she pleaded quietly, “Please don't leave me.”  
  
The fear Lexa saw on Clarke's face made her blood boil, and suddenly the only thing that Lexa wanted to do was to protect Clarke, and keep that fear from ever touching the blonde's beautiful blue eyes again. She reached out gently, and pulled Clarke's bare body against her until their foreheads were once again touching. She watched those blue eyes search for something in her own, before Lexa whispered, “Never,” and brought their lips together once again.  
  
This time the kiss was slow and deep. Lexa gently pulled Clarke's bottom lip to rest between her own teeth, and she could taste herself on Clarke's mouth. She could feel Clarke sinking into the kiss, just as she herself was sinking into it, so she deepened it. As their tongues started dancing, Lexa and Clarke both knew that this kiss was a promise: a promise to be by each others side, no matter what. In this kiss was the safety that they were both so often searching for, and in this kiss was the knowledge that they had found someone who would care for them, always. The kissed promised them a home, and really that's all they were both looking for.


	2. Chapter 2

Lexa stood by one of the sinks in the bathroom, tapping her foot and waiting rather impatiently. It had been two days since she had gone to Clarke's house and the two of them had had their talk (along with the crazy hot sex that Lexa still had a hard time _not_ thinking about), and in that time she had only seen Clarke in passing at school. There had been a couple of times when she had thought that Clarke was alone so she had almost gone up to talk to her, but each time either one of Clarke's friends would suddenly show up, or one of her friends would. To say she was getting a little annoyed would have been an understatement, and from the look she saw in Clarke's eyes each time, she had a feeling the blonde girl was feeling the same way. 

This morning, however, Lexa had opened her locker to find another note telling her to go to the bathroom during morning break, and this time she made sure to be ready by the time the bell rang and out the door the next second. She knew that Anya was wondering what it was that kept distracting her in class and making her leave so abruptly, but she hadn't asked about it again, which Lexa was thankful for. She desperately wanted to tell her best friend about what was going on, but Clarke wasn't ready to come out to people yet, which meant that Lexa had no choice but to keep their relationship a secret, even from her best friend. She just hoped that Clarke would be ready soon, so that she could finally tell Anya and stop her worrying.  
  
When she got to the bathroom, she found that once again she had beaten Clarke there. She stood by the sink for a minute, but then realized that if any of Clarke's friends happened to come in with Clarke again like they had the last time, they might wonder why Lexa was once again in the bathroom. She knew that Clarke's friends didn't pay much attention to her, but none of them were stupid, and it might only take another time or two of leaving Clarke alone in the bathroom with just Lexa before they might start putting two and two together. Knowing how uncomfortable that would make Clarke, Lexa decided to move into one of the stalls and close the door behind her, so that if Clarke was followed, her friends wouldn't see her.  
  
She only had to wait another minute or so before she heard the door to the bathroom open, and someone walk in. She peaked through the crack of the stall she was in and saw a flash of golden hair and blue jacket, and knew that it was Clarke. She waited just another moment, to make sure Clarke wasn't followed, before she opened the stall door and stepped out.  
  
“Hello Clarke,” Lexa purred, immediately turned on as she thought about the last time they were together, “I am happy to see that you are alone this time.”  
  
Clarke turned to Lexa, and when she saw the way Lexa was looking at her, she grinned, her eyes brimming with what Lexa could only describe as sexual electricity.  
  
“I am,” she replied, taking the few steps towards Lexa before she casually wrapped her arms around Lexa's shoulders, having to slightly stand on the tips of her toes to reach. “I made sure to distract the others before making a break for it. Wanted to spend as much alone time with you as possible this time.”  
  
The corners of Lexa's lips turned up into her usual 'Clarke-smile,' as she was beginning to think of it, and then she leaned her head down towards Clarke's, whispering, “Well then let's not waste it.”  
  
They crashed their lips together, simple need driving their movements, as they both knew they didn't have very much time before the bell would ring and they would be forced to break apart. Their lips fought one another, each one wanting to dominate the kiss and the other not backing down. Soon Clarke changed tactics, seeing that Lexa wasn't backing down, and instead moved her lips to the taller girl's jaw, nipping it and sucking lightly on the skin, causing Lexa to groan slightly, as one of her hands tangled itself in Clarke's golden locks. Clarke smirked, thinking she had won the battle, and moved one of her hands down Lexa's body, just about to slip it under the waistband of her pants before she felt Lexa's free hand grab her wrist, stopping the movement. She looked up at Lexa in confusion, and nearly gulped when she saw the look in Lexa's eyes.  
  
“No,” Lexa simply stated, her tone allowing for no arguments, “This time, it is I who gets to touch you. Understand?”  
  
Clarke licked her lips, her mouth suddenly dry, before she nodded. Once again, Lexa smiled her own little smirk, before her free hand unbuttoned and unzipped Clarke's jeans, and then slipped inside of both them and her underwear. She was unsurprised to find Clarke wet and ready, and as she slipped a couple of fingers into the blonde girl, she leaned forward and whispered into her ear, “It seems I am not the only one who gets excited by a little note. Very, _very_ excited.”  
  
Clarke was only able to moan in response, as Lexa's fingers pushed deeper into her, and she felt her hips involuntarily thrust forward into the hand, causing Lexa's smile to grow. She moaned even louder when Lexa began to nip and suck on her neck as her fingers moved inside her.  
  
“Now Clarke,” Lexa purred once again against her skin, “Your mother may not be sleeping right down the hall, but there is a hallway full of students on the other side of that door. You may have locked it, but there are people with keys who can unlock it, if they think something is going on in here. So I suggest you be careful with your moans. No matter how sexy they are.” As she finished however, she rubbed Clarke's clit roughly with her thumb once, causing an even louder moan to erupt from Clarke's throat before she could stop it.  
  
“Yeah that's... _really_ helpful, Lexa,” she replied, rolling her eyes, or attempting to, until an especially deep thrust caused them to fall shut, and she had to bite her lip to keep from letting another moan out.  
  
Lexa stopped sucking on her neck to look at her, though she didn't stop the motion of her hands.  
  
“I can always stop, if you want me to,” she insisted, and began to pull her hand from between Clarke's legs, until she felt an iron-strong grip on her wrist. Clarke glared at her, not loosening her grip. “Don't you dare,” she threatened, and Lexa had to bite her own lip to keep a large smile from spreading across her face.  
  
“As you wish,” she conceded, and quickly thrust her fingers back inside Clarke, making the blonde girl inhale sharply.  
  
“You know,” Clarke began a moment later, her eyes closed as Lexa's fingers did beautiful things to her, “It sucks... that we always have to, mmm, be quiet when we... do this.”  
  
Lexa chuckled lightly, her lips back on Clarke's neck.  
  
“Unfortunately that is what comes from only being able to see each other for a few minutes in a bathroom or late at night when your mother is asleep,” she replied, before giving Clarke's jaw a small nip.  
  
“Yeah but... wouldn't it be nice... mmmm... if we could have time alone... together... and not have to... worry... about... other people?” the blonde asked between small moans as the fingers continued to thrust inside her and her hips continued to meet them, thrust for thrust.  
  
“Clarke, I would like nothing more than that,” Lexa informed her, “But unfortunately, I don't see how we can do that.”  
  
“I do,” Clarke insisted, and for a moment Lexa stilled, surprised. When Clarke glared up at her for stopping, she quickly began again, though this time she watched Clarke's expressions as her fingers worked deep inside the other girl, rather than letting her mouth work on the other girl's neck.  
  
“How?” she asked simply, extremely curious to know what it was that Clarke had up her sleeve.  
  
“My mom's... going away this weekend... to visit my dad,” Clarke began, smirking slightly even as her breathing increased, “She asked me... if I wanted to go... but... I told her.. I had too much homework... to do... So... I have the whole house... all to myself... Want to... keep me company?”  
  
Instead of answering, Lexa used the hand that was still wrapped in Clarke's hair to pull her closer, and engulfed her lips even as her fingers began to pick up speed. She could feel Clarke getting to that point, but this time she wanted to hear the girl's cries, no matter who might be walking by in the hall, so she pulled her lips back, and watched how she immediately stuck her bottom lip between her teeth, trying to keep her noises in.  
  
“I am going to fuck you all over your house,” Lexa whispered to her, and she watched as Clarke's eyes shut tightly, and her fingers gripped the taller girl's arms, trying to keep control of herself. Lexa wouldn't have it though: she wanted Clarke over the edge, and she wanted it now. She added a third finger to the blonde, picked up the speed, and began rubbing Clarke's clit again. She could feel Clarke's insides clamping down on her fingers, trying to hold them in place, and it only spurned her on. “I am going to fuck you on your kitchen counters,” she continued, “and on your kitchen table. I am going to fuck you on your couch and in your shower, and I may even fuck you out back by your pool. How does that sound, Clarke? Do you want me to fuck you in every room in your house?”  
  
“ _Yessss_ ,” the blonde hissed, and finally came undone, a loud moan tearing its way through her throat as her body went crazy, quaking against Lexa's. Her head fell into the crook of Lexa's shoulder, her grip on Lexa's arms tightening even further, to the point where Lexa knew she was going to have fingerprint bruises. She didn't care; no one could see them, and they were just a reminder to Lexa as to what she can do to Clarke Griffin.  
  
Lexa slowed her fingers down, letting Clarke ride out her orgasm as she continued to gently pump in and out of her. Only when her shaking had completely stopped, did Lexa finally remove her fingers from Clarke, and then zip and button her jeans so that no one would be the wiser as to what had just happened. Clarke didn't move as Lexa zipped her up; her head remained on Lexa's shoulder as she tried to get her breathing back under control. Finally she smiled and said, “So I take it you are in for this weekend, huh?”  
  
Lexa smiled softly in return, placing a finger beneath Clarke's chin and guiding her head up to look at her. Slowly Lexa kissed her, this time letting Clarke do as she wished. Only when Clarke pulled back to look at her did Lexa respond, “I am in for this weekend. Believe me: I cannot wait.”  
  
Clarke smiled back at the taller girl, and then let her head sink back to Lexa's shoulder, liking the moment of calm before she had to go back out that door and face the school again. A feat which would, she thought as she finally got a look of herself in the mirror, be a bit more difficult, as she noticed that she now had a couple of small, colorful patches along the length of her neck. She immediately moved closer to the sink, leaving Lexa standing behind her.  
  
“Oh shit, Lexa! You gave me hickeys!” she groaned as she poked at the discolored flesh.  
  
She glared at the other girl when she saw her smile grow slightly, and then shrug.  
  
“While it wasn't my plan, I can't say that I am particularly sorry,” Lexa admitted, taking a few steps closer to Clarke and eying the patches as though she was proud of them, which Clarke could tell she was. She leaned in closer to Clarke, before saying, “Consider it another bout of revenge for the other day when you left me worked up in the bathroom.”  
  
Clarke glared harder at her, as she grabbed the backpack she had thrown to the floor upon entering the bathroom, and started digging through it to find her cover-up.  
  
“I thought you already got your revenge for that the other night at my house! How much more revenge do you need?!” she growled, as she finally pulled out the make-up that she was looking for.  
  
Lexa raised her eyebrows, before saying, “I think we are now even. You might want to hurry before...,” and then trailed off as the warning bell rang out through the school, informing students they should be heading to their classes.  
  
“Shit! I am never going to hear the end of this from Raven!” Clarke grimaced, as she tried to furiously put on the make-up to hide the love bites.  
  
Lexa chuckled as she picked up her own bag from the floor and swung it over her shoulder.  
  
“Sorry,” she told the other girl in a tone which informed Clarke that she was in fact not at all sorry. She quickly made her way over to the door, and just before opening it she threw back, “Oh, and can't wait for this weekend!” before she left the bathroom, leaving Clarke alone with the spots on her neck.  
  
“I am so going to get you back for this Lexa...” Clarke whispered, as she glared at her own reflection, the make-up clearly only hiding the spots so well. She was going to get so much crap from Raven...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, thanks for all of the interest in this story! Due to that interest, I decided to extend this and will be adding a couple more chapters. This chapter isn't very long, I know, but I think I will be making up for that in the next chapter, so that one might not be out quite as quickly as this one was. Anyway, I hope you enjoy!


	3. Chapter 3

Clarke stood in her living room, her arms crossed in front of her chest, leaning against the back of her couch as she watched her mother going through her mental checklist for at least the third time in fifteen minutes.  
  
“There's money on the counter for pizza if you want it, though the fridge is full,” Abby Griffin told her, as she dragged her suitcase towards the front door. “And I will text you when I get there. Also, I will call you tomorrow afternoon, so please have your phone on you, and don't sleep through the call.”  
  
Clarke rolled her eyes before saying, “Mom, if you're calling in the afternoon, I won't sleep through it.”  
  
Abby raised her eyebrows at her daughter, knowing better.  
  
“Oh please Clarke, you would sleep the entire day away if I wasn't around to wake you up, so tomorrow, please make sure the volume is on and answer my call, or else. I do have ways of getting people to check up on you,” she reminded her teenage daughter.  
  
Clarke sighed, exasperated, before saying, “Mom, come on, this isn't the first time I've been home alone for a weekend. I can take care of myself. You really don't have to worry.”  
  
Crossing her own arms in front of her to mirror her daughter, Abby replied, “I'm your mom; worrying about you is what I'm best at. Now come here and give me a hug before I go.”  
  
Rolling her eyes once again, Clarke moved towards her mother, though the smile on her lips was a genuine one. She hugged her mother, and felt her mother hug her back.  
  
“Have fun Mom,” she said, as her mother held her close, “Tell Dad I said hi, and that he better be coming home soon.”  
  
Abby smiled, before telling her daughter, “I will.” She looked down at Clarke before adding, “Are you sure you don't want to come? I'm sure your father would be thrilled to see you. I know he misses you.”  
  
For a brief moment, Clarke felt a small pang of guilt in her chest, but it quickly subsided.  
  
“I miss him too,” she informed her mother, “But I really have to get my homework done this weekend, and I have a huge test on Tuesday that I have to study for. He'll be back soon, right? And I'll see him then. Besides, I can talk to him when you call tomorrow.”  
  
Abby shook her head, grinning to herself.  
  
“Sometimes I think you are too good of a student, sweetheart. Your father and I are very proud of you,” she told her daughter, before kissing the top of her head.  
  
_And here comes the guilt again_ , Clarke thought to herself, as another pang of guilt hit her, but it wasn't enough for her to cancel her weekend with Lexa and accompany her mother. She had no idea when she would get another opportunity like this, and she had to take it, even if it did mean lying to her mother. And it wasn't like it was the first time she had ever lied to her before, but every time she did she felt guilty for doing so. However, Clarke really was a good student, so she reasoned that she deserved to break the rules or tell a little lie every now and then.  
  
“I do what I can, Mom,” she replied as she stepped out of the hug. “But shouldn't you be going? You're already late since you had to check your luggage four times.” Abby was the kind of person who had to make sure that she had everything she could possibly need, even if it wasn't very likely she would need it. Clarke figured that just came from being a fairly famous doctor: she was always prepared for anything.  
  
Abby sighed before she bent down to grab her luggage once again. As she hauled it up, she joked, “Yes, I should get going, but you could act less like you're trying to get rid of me.”  
  
Clarke shrugged, telling her, “Hey, I can't order my pizza until you leave. You really don't want to know what I'm gonna get on it.”  
  
“Clarke, do you know how unhealthy the meat-lovers pizza is?” her mother asked her, as she opened the door, “All of that grease and fat is going to clog your arteries.”  
  
She grinned at her mother as she walked her out the door, saying, “Hey, at least my taste buds will be happy. I say it's worth it.”  
  
Abby shook her head, though a small smile remained on her lips. She bent forward, kissing Clarke on the forehead before she said, “Goodbye sweetheart. Have a good weekend, and enjoy your death-pizza.”  
  
“Bye Mom,” Clarke replied, as Abby turned away and started walking towards the car. She watched as Abby threw her suitcase in the backseat, and then waved as her mother climbed into the driver's seat, started the car, and then pulled out of the driveway. She didn't stop waving until the car had driven out of sight. Once it had, she slumped against the door frame, mumbling, “Finally,” before she went back in the house, closing the door behind her.  
  
As soon as the door was closed, Clarke raced up the stairs, heading straight for her room, and more specifically, her closet. She threw the doors to the closet open, and examined the various clothes inside. In a way, tonight was her first date with Lexa, and she wanted to look amazing for it (even though she knew that whatever she ended up putting on would only end up coming off very shortly once Lexa got there). Moving the hangers and eying what was on them, she eventually grabbed a few choices and threw them on her bed. She grabbed one outfit, tried it on, and checked her reflection in her floor length mirror before taking it off and trying the next one on. Finally, after five or six outfits, she decided to go with a deep blue dress that didn't quite make it to her knees and showed off just enough cleavage to draw the eyes to them. She grabbed a thin black belt from her bureau and wrapped it around her middle, before nodding at her reflection. She then sat down at her small desk and began putting her make-up on, using the small mirror on top of it to make sure she had just the right amount of everything. She smiled a little bit to herself while she put her eyeliner on; while she was always careful to make sure she looked good, it had been awhile since she cared this much about her appearance. It had also been awhile since her stomach felt like butterflies were flying around in it, but that feeling had started the moment her mother's car left the driveway.  
  
Finally she put her eyeliner down and did a final check of her appearance. She had considered doing something different with her hair, but decided that she liked the way it was falling over her shoulders with just the right amount of messy curls in it. Plus, if she was being honest, she knew that Lexa loved her hair down, and that in itself was enough reason to leave it be. She nodded, knowing that she had done well, and then got up from her desk and headed back downstairs. She went straight to the kitchen, first turning the lights down a bit, before she opened one of the many drawers along the counters, pulling out a couple of candles and candlesticks. She set them up on the table, and then pulled out a box of matches, lit one, and then used the flame to light the candles. Once the match had burnt out, she dropped it in the sink so that she wouldn't have to worry about it. As she turned away from the sink, she saw the money that her mother left for her, and shook her head before she moved it to another one of the drawers. Her mother might have left her the money for pizza, but she didn't plan on using it; tonight she planned on cooking Lexa a romantic dinner, in preparation for the weekend ahead. She had every intention of spoiling Lexa that weekend, knowing that the brunette completely deserved it, after what Clarke always put her through with this secret relationship of theirs.  
  
Just as she was about to move to the refrigerator to take out the chicken she planned to cook, she heard the doorbell ring. She felt her heart do a small somersault as she looked at the clock, and sure enough, it was seven o'clock, exactly the time she had told Lexa to be there. She left the kitchen quickly, and headed straight for her front door, pausing for just a moment when she got there in order to attempt to get the butterflies to calm down. It didn't work at all, so she decided to try to ignore them as she opened the door.  
  
“Hi,” Lexa said, standing a little awkwardly on the doorstep. “So this is what your front door looks like. I'm so used to your window.”  
  
Clarke couldn't say anything for a moment, as she took in the sight in front of her. Lexa was gorgeous, a goddess on her front step. She had on a pair of black skinny jeans that Clarke thought looked as though they may have been painted on, and a pair of black heeled-boots that ran halfway up her calves. On her upper half she wore a low-cut red shirt that clung to her, with a black lace camisole underneath, the lace covering up some of the cleavage that the red shirt was a bit too low to cover. Over it all, she wore a black leather jacket, and her long hair, which normally had a few braids woven into it, hung loosely down around her shoulders. Overall, Clarke had the biggest urge to just push her against the door frame and crash their lips together, but she was trying to make this a real, respectable date, so she restrained herself. Instead, she cleared her throat before saying, “Wow. Uh, hi. You look... You look amazing.”  
  
One corner of Lexa's mouth turned up, and Clarke had to force herself _not_ to bite on her bottom lip, since she knew that Lexa knew exactly what that meant.  
  
“Thank you, Clarke, you look quite amazing yourself,” she replied, eying Clarke in return, and then after a moment of Clarke's just staring she added teasingly, “Should I go climb the tree and come in that way? I'm rather used to it by now.”  
  
“Oh. Oh no! I mean, come on in,” Clarke told her, a little flustered, and she could feel a slight blush growing on her cheeks, “No, yeah, you should, you should definitely come in!”  
  
Lexa's smile grew as Clarke stepped to the side to let her in. She entered the house, and looked around as Clarke closed the door behind her. She had only ever been in Clarke's bedroom before, and only late at night, so this was all new to her.  
  
“Welcome to my downstairs,” Clarke said to her, a smile growing in the corners of her mouth, “I hope you like it as much as you like my room.”  
  
“Well considering I've never actually seen what your room looks like when it isn't dark, I would say there is a pretty good chance I will like them both,” Lexa teased slightly, as she looked around the room.  
  
“True,” Clarke replied, and then took Lexa's hand and tugged on it, causing Lexa to take her gaze off of the room, and back onto Clarke. “Come on, let me show you around a little.”  
  
They stood in a small entry way, where Lexa took off her jacket and hung it up on a coat rack, and then took a few steps further into the house. Straight ahead she saw a staircase that clearly led to the upstairs. To the right of the small entryway was clearly the living room, which was lavishly furnished. A large white couch and two large matching chairs were arranged around a glass coffee table, with a large flat screen TV mounted on the wall opposite the staircase. Different pieces of artwork hung along the walls, and a large bookcase stood near the TV, filled with all kinds of different books. On the far side of the room from where Lexa and Clarke stood was a doorway, and from what she could see Lexa assumed it led to the kitchen. To the left of the doorway was a small hallway, that Lexa assumed had a bathroom at the end of it.  
  
Lexa took a few steps into the living room, and studied one of the pieces of art on the wall. The piece that she stared at was clearly a charcoal drawing of a woman's smiling face. Next to it, bright water colors created a magnificent forest clearing, the sun shining down on it. Lexa almost reached out to touch it, but managed to hold her fingers back, though they itched to run along its surface. The peace and tranquility that seemed to drift from that clearing sung out to Lexa, and she found it hard to tear her eyes away from it.  
  
“Who made these?” she asked, still soaking in the picture of the clearing.  
  
“I did,” Clarke replied, and Lexa finally was able to tear her gaze away and look at her in shock. “The woman is my mom; I did that one a few years ago, and my parents liked it so much they hung it up. The water color is of a clearing I found a while ago by a place where we go camping sometimes, and I couldn't get it out of my head. It was so peaceful there, I decided I needed a piece of it here, so I painted it.”  
  
“Clarke, these are...” Lexa said, drifting off slightly as she eyed the two pieces once again, “These are incredible.”  
  
Clarke shrugged, though the smile on her face grew slightly.  
  
“Yeah, they're okay I guess,” Clarke admitted.  
  
“Just 'okay,' huh?” Lexa asked, raising her eyebrows.  
  
“Art's just something I've always been interested in,” the blonde replied, “And when my parents saw how interested in it I was, they paid for a couple of art classes. The classes were okay, but I prefer doing art on my own. I don't really like being told what to create, so I stopped going to those after a while, and now I just draw or paint whatever I feel like.”  
  
Lexa took another moment to look at the pieces of art, before she turned back to Clarke and informed her, “Well, you clearly have an amazing talent for it. I always knew there had to be a reason you are so good with your hands.”  
  
Clarke felt the smirk on her lips grow, as the twinkle of mischief shown in Lexa's eyes. She had a feeling that if she didn't move them along to the kitchen right then and get dinner started, they would not be eating, and Clarke had planned this night too well for Lexa to go changing it with one of her looks. Even if it was all Clarke could do not to pull her close and mash their lips together.  
  
“Oh no you don't,” Clarke warned her, the playful tone not leaving her voice even as she scolded the taller girl, “You are not going to get me that easy, Lexa. I have a very romantic evening planned out, and I will not let you ruin it, not even with your fuck-me eyes!”  
  
Lexa laughed; actually laughed, which made Clarke grin, as she didn't hear Lexa laugh all that often.  
  
“I don't know which I should ask you about first, the romantic evening, or how exactly my eyes look when they apparently say 'fuck-me,'” she said, and Clarke raised her eyebrows.  
  
“Oh, you know exactly what your eyes look like when they are saying that,” she responded, and Lexa didn't argue with her, as she did in fact have a pretty good idea what Clarke was talking about. “As for the romantic evening...” Clarke continued, and then stepped through the door that Lexa had assumed led to the kitchen.  
  
Lexa followed her, but then stopped in her tracks when she saw the kitchen. In itself, the kitchen was beautiful: dark marble counter tops and a matching marble island, an old mahogany table with a white table cloth over it, matching mahogany doors on all of the many cupboards and a shiny metallic refrigerator and oven. On the far wall by the fridge was a set of sliding glass doors, which Lexa assumed led to the pool she knew was in Clarke's backyard from stories she had heard. The kitchen in itself was beautiful, but with the lights down low and lit candles casting fiery shadows against the walls, Lexa thought it might be the most romantic set up she had ever seen, every movie scene ever made included.  
  
“What do you think?” Clarke asked softly, but before Lexa could say anything she added quickly, “I thought I would cook you dinner, since we've never, you know, never actually been out on a date before. I was gonna make chicken, but if you don't like chicken, then uh, I can make something else.”  
  
Lexa could see that Clarke had begun to get a bit flustered again, and that maybe she was beginning to doubt this whole thing, so Lexa moved over to her, pulled her close, and kissed her softly to get her to stop talking. The kiss surprised Clarke for a moment, but then she sunk into it, closing her eyes. Lexa's fingers brushed a few strands of Clarke's hair out of the way, and then slowly pulled back from the kiss.  
  
“I think this is absolutely amazing,” she informed the blonde girl once she had opened her eyes to stare up at her again, “I would love for you to cook me dinner, and yes, I like chicken.”  
  
Clarke smiled again, and then stood up on her toes to give Lexa a quick peck. When she pulled back, she said, “Good, then chicken it is.”  
  
She grabbed Lexa's hand, and then pulled the girl further into the kitchen. She let go just before she got to the refrigerator, and opened the door, grabbing the various ingredients that she needed as Lexa leaned against the island, her arms crossed over her chest as she watched Clarke move.  
  
“Can I do anything to help?” she asked, while Clarke laid various vegetables out in front of her, and then grabbed a cutting board from one of the drawers.  
  
“Sure,” Clarke answered, and handed her a knife she pulled from a large block in front of her which had a number of other knives sticking out of it, “You can help me cut up the vegetables for the salad. Really there isn't much to go into making this dinner; it's just chicken parmesan.”  
  
Lexa took the knife and stepped up to the counter, pulling a bag of carrots closer to her as she replied, “Wonderful; I happen to love chicken parmesan.”  
  
Clarke grinned at her as she reached over and turned the oven on to preheat. Then she grabbed another knife, and began helping Lexa cut up the vegetables. It didn't take long before they had finished, so Clarke grabbed a bowl from one of the cupboards, and they tossed all of the vegetables in it, then stuck it back into the fridge until everything else was ready. Clarke then got everything ready to bread the chicken with, and they took turns coating the chicken. At one point, Lexa reached over with her eggy fingers and wiped it on Clarke's nose, who scrunched up her face in mock disgust before wiping it off with a paper towel. Finally the chicken was ready, and the oven beeped, to let them know it was preheated, and Clarke carefully slid the chicken inside to bake.  
  
“Now what?” Lexa asked, as she wiped up the counter with a damp rag to get rid of any egg or bread crumbs that had been left behind.  
  
“Well...” Clarke replied, stepping up behind Lexa, and the way she said that and the way she moved immediately had Lexa guessing what was next, “The chicken takes about an hour to cook, and all we have left is to cook the pasta and heat the sauce... So we have some time to kill... Got any ideas how we can make that time go by?”  
  
Lexa smirked slightly as she turned around to face Clarke, wrapping her arms around the smaller girl's middle as she did so.  
  
“You know, I can think of one or two things that we could do,” she murmured, pulling Clarke closer.  
  
“Only one or two? God, I can think of more than that,” Clarke teased, giving Lexa her own version of the 'fuck-me' eyes.  
  
Lexa pushed her back roughly, until Clarke's back hit the edge of the island in the middle of the kitchen, and Lexa was looming over her.  
  
“One or two for right now,” Lexa whispered, her lips moving to Clarke's ear, her hot breath making Clarke almost moan, “We have all weekend for everything else.”  
  
“Yes we do,” Clarke admitted, and then sighed as Lexa softly bit her earlobe.  
  
Lexa's lips and teeth moved down to her jaw, and then down her neck, and she smirked slightly when she remembered the little marks she had left on Clarke's neck the last time she had done this. Those marks were all but gone now, having had a few days to fade, but Lexa fully intended to leave some news ones to take their place during the next 48 hours. After all, if she couldn't tell people that Clarke was hers, she would show them her mark so that they knew the girl was taken, even if they couldn't know who by. True, they had never really discussed what exactly it was that they were doing or what they were to each other, but Lexa wanted others to know that Clarke didn't need anyone else.  
  
Before she was able to leave anymore marks on the blonde girl's neck, however, Clarke's hands grabbed her face, and brought it up to meet her own. Her lips fell over Lexa's, and almost immediately Lexa felt Clarke's tongue probing at her lips, begging for entrance. For a moment she teased Clarke, not giving it to her, but when she heard the smaller girl huff in annoyance, she grinned, and then let her tongue through. Clarke's tongue slid over the brunette's teeth, and then met the other girl's tongue, and they danced together, tasting each other.  
  
As their tongues moved together, Lexa moved her hands down Clarke's body, until they were cupped around her thighs, and she swiftly lifted Clarke up, hearing a slight squeak of surprise coming from the smaller girl as she was lifted up and placed gently on the top of the island behind her. She shivered slightly, as her bare thighs made contact with the cold marble, but when Lexa stepped closer she spread her legs apart as far as her dress would allow, and the warmth coming from the taller girl's body as she pressed against Clarke more than made up for it. Clarke's hands, in the mean time, had found the hem of Lexa's shirt, and had moved up it, until she got to Lexa's bra. Her hands fell over it, and she gave her breasts a slight squeeze, causing Lexa to moan into her mouth as she pushed against Clarke's hands. In return, Lexa allowed one of her hands to slip up Clarke's leg, beneath the fabric of the dress. She could feel Clarke shift slightly in anticipation, and another firm squeeze of her breasts convinced her hand to keep traveling, until it was met with the only other fabric Clarke had on underneath the dress. Though she couldn't see it, Lexa's fingertips told her that all Clarke was wearing under the dress was a small, damp thong, and just the image of Clarke thinking about her when putting on that specific form of underwear was enough to make her moan again. She moved the fabric to the side, and felt Clarke smirk against her lips, but the next moment she felt her gasp, as Lexa's fingers entered her without warning, already pumping in and out of her quickly. She moaned, her lips disconnecting with Lexa's, but her face remaining so close to the other girl's that their foreheads were still touching. She opened her eyes and found Lexa staring at her, her eyes so intense that it was enough to make her breath hitch, right before she felt Lexa's fingers drive deeper into her, making her groan loudly. There was a knot in her stomach forming, and it was getting tighter and tighter, and she knew that if Lexa kept doing _that_ , if she kept hitting her _right there_ with her fingers, it would only be a matter of moments before she lost it...  
  
Suddenly, right as Clarke was about to go over the edge and Lexa was ready to push her over said edge, the doorbell rang out loudly, and they both froze, surprise and horror on both their faces. They didn't move for a moment, Lexa's fingers still buried inside Clarke and Clarke's hands still covering Lexa's breasts, but then the doorbell rang again, and Lexa quickly withdrew her fingers from between Clarke's legs, and Clarke hurried to get her hands out of Lexa's shirt.  
  
“I assume you weren't expecting anyone else?” Lexa tried to joke, but the worry and slight annoyance were evident in her tone.  
  
“Probably just a neighbor,” Clarke replied shakily, her body now wired from both her near-orgasm, and the fear of nearly having been caught with Lexa's hand between her legs. As the brunette took a step back, Clarke hopped down from where she sat on the marble counter, and Lexa had to steady her as she got her shaky legs beneath her. She smiled up at Lexa slightly in thanks as she awkwardly got her underwear back in place, and then continued, “They probably just want to check in since my mom is gone. They do that sometimes. I'll just tell them everything's fine, and then we can get back to... this.”  
  
Lexa nodded, and stepped back to lean against the counter as Clarke quickly left the room, deciding to wait there until her return as the doorbell rang once again, this time twice in a row. Clarke moved out of the kitchen and towards the front door quickly, her heart still racing. She was sure that whoever was at the door was just checking in on her, but the idea of almost being caught had terrified her, and now she couldn't get her heart to slow down. Just before getting to the door she paused, pulled at the hem of her dress to make sure it was in place and didn't look like someone's hand had just been up it, and then took a deep breath before plastering a smile on her face. She reached out to the door knob, grasped it, and then opened the door, and the sight before her caused the fake smile to immediately disappear and her eyes go wide.  
  
“Hey hey, surprise!” Raven said, a grin on her face as she pushed past Clarke into the house. Octavia, Bellamy, Finn, Lincoln, Wells, Jasper and Monty all followed after her. They all carried bags on their backs, and dropped them in the entrance way as they came in. Bellamy, Finn, and Monty all carried large paper bags, and as soon as they were inside they went straight to the coffee table in the living room and set them down, before they started pulling the contents out of the bags and setting it all on the table.  
  
“What, what are you guys doing here?!” Clarke exclaimed, her eyes darting to the kitchen door, where Lexa had yet to appear from, and which luckily none of them had entered yet.  
  
“You mentioned yesterday that your mom was going to visit your dad on his business trip this weekend and that you had the house to yourself, so we figured you deserved a little party,” Octavia informed her, as she plopped herself down on the couch, grabbing one of the many bags of chips that Finn pulled out of his bag. She opened it, then grabbed a handful, and began stuffing her face.  
  
“But, you can't, I mean...” Clarke stuttered, at a loss for words, her brain too stuck on what they almost walked in on.  
  
Wells frowned, and reached out and touched her shoulder. When she looked at him, he asked, “Hey Clarke, is everything okay? Should we not have just shown up like this?”  
  
_Play it cool, Clarke_ , she thought to herself, knowing that this was something that her friends did all the time. Acting like it wasn't normal would only make them all suspicious, so she just smiled at him and shrugged, before telling him, “Nah, it's fine, I'm just surprised is all. I had no idea you guys were planning this!”  
  
“We're sneaky bitches when we need to be,” Raven declared, smirking, as she moved behind the couch and then grabbed the bag of chips out of Octavia's hands.  
  
“Hey, I was eating those!” she exclaimed, as Raven danced away, the smirk never leaving her face.  
  
“And now I am,” she informed her, “Sucks to be slow, huh?”  
  
Octavia rolled her eyes before telling her, “Raven, I could kick your ass if I wanted to.”  
  
Bellamy moved over to Raven and plucked the bag of chips out of her hands as he told them, “Hey, no ass kicking tonight. We're here to have some fun and let off some steam, not bruise each other.”  
  
Monty pulled a large bottle of cheap rum from one bag, while Jasper pulled out an equally large bottle of cheap vodka from another and exclaimed, “And with these, we are definitely going to have some fun!”  
  
Clarke rolled her eyes at the two of them, but laughed as she said to Monty, “Monty, your fake I.D.s might be getting a little too good at this point.”  
  
Monty smiled at her, holding up the bottle of rum and told her, “As long as they get us these, there's no such thing, Clarke. And I bought you a gift, since you're the host. Don't worry, this one you don't have to share if you don't want to.” Reaching back into the bag, he pulled out a bottle of tequila that was only about half the size of the rum and vodka. “I know you like tequila, so I grabbed you some.”  
  
Clarke shook her head, grinning.  
  
“Monty, you are way too good to me, and I love you for it,” she told him, causing his smile to grow as he put the bottle back in the paper bag.  
  
“I'll go grab us some cups from the kitchen so we can get this party started,” Finn announced, and began moving towards the doorway to the kitchen.  
  
Clarke's eyes widened before she called out, “Finn, wait!”  
  
Just as she called out, however, Lexa appeared at the doorway, stopping Finn in his tracks, and causing everyone to look over at her, and then back at Clarke in confusion. None of them understood at all what Lexa was doing here.  
  
“Lexa?” Lincoln asked, surprised. He was Anya's older brother, so he knew Lexa pretty well, and was surprised to find her in Clarke Griffin's house.  
  
Lexa looked over at him, her usual calm and casual look on her face, and nodded to him.  
  
“Lincoln,” she replied, and then turned to Clarke, taking a few steps further into the room and said to her, “Clarke, as I can see we are clearly not going to be getting anymore work done on that project tonight, I will head out.”  
  
Clarke smiled at her, a genuine smile, breathing a silent sigh of relief. Just like that, Lexa had explained why she was there in a way that wouldn't warrant much questioning, and for that Clarke was extremely grateful. She had come up with no good reason why she should be there, and it was clear that her friends weren't going to leave, so when Lexa came up with the excuse for her, she was ecstatic.  
  
Just as Lexa was about to pass her by, she reached out and stopped her, causing Lexa to look at her with slight confusion.  
  
“You should stay,” she informed the taller girl, and she watched as Lexa raised her eyebrows at her. “Stay and hang out with us. They clearly brought plenty to share, and we're always open to more company. I would really love it if you would stay. After all, if we're going to be partners for this project, we might as well have a little fun together. It's good to relax sometimes.”  
  
Lexa studied her for a minute, reading Clarke's facial expression. The way that she raised her eyebrows ever so slightly told her that Clarke meant it, and that there was more to her words than what she could say in present company. Finally she nodded ever so slightly.  
  
“If you are sure that I won't be intruding... I will stay,” she replied, and the smile on Clarke's face was enough to validate her decision.  
  
“Cool,” Octavia exclaimed from her spot on the couch, “Lexa's joining the party! Do you drink, Lexa?”  
  
Lexa's gaze drifted over to where the two large bottles sat on the table, and she frowned ever so slightly.  
  
“I cannot say that I have spent much time partaking,” she replied, still eying the alcohol.  
  
“Well that will change tonight, pretty lady,” Jasper informed her, winking at her.  
  
“Don't mind Jasper,” Bellamy stated, before he hit the other guy upside the head lightly, causing the smaller guy to flinch a little, though it was clear that the hit didn't hurt him at all, “He just forgets how humans tend to interact sometimes.”  
  
“What?!” Jasper exclaimed, “I called her a pretty lady, so what?! She is a pretty lady!”  
  
As the others just shook their heads at Jasper's foolishness, Lexa felt Clarke grab her arm.  
  
“Come on,” she said to the brunette, “You can help me get cups for everyone. Finn, you sit down and relax, thanks.”  
  
“Yeah,” Raven called to her boyfriend, “Come sit and relax with me,” and Finn shrugged and moved over to join Raven in the large chair she had sat in.  
  
As Clarke led her out of the room, Lexa mumbled to her, “I thought the other day she said that Finn broke up with her. Isn't that why she slept with Bellamy?”  
  
Clarke raised her eyebrows at her, and grinned.  
  
“Eavesdropping, huh Lexa?” she teased, knowing that she was referring to the conversation she, Raven and Octavia had had in the bathroom at the beginning of the week. She shook her head, and then told Lexa, “He did, but that was a while ago and they've gotten back together. Finn knows about her and Bellamy, and was pissed at first, but what's he gonna do? He broke up with her, after all.”  
  
Lexa nodded, as they walked back into the kitchen. Right away Clarke noticed that the candles had been blown out and the oven was turned off. She turned to Lexa, raising one eyebrow, and Lexa explained, “I heard Raven when you opened the door. I figured you wouldn't want your friends to know what was going on, so I blew out the candles and took the chicken out of the oven. It's in the fridge, though I don't know how it works with refrigerating partially cooked chicken.”  
  
Clarke sighed and told her, “God Lexa, you are amazing.” Suddenly she looked guilty, a frown on her face. “Lexa, I am so, so sorry,” she whispered, just in case anyone in the living room could hear them, “I swear this wasn't planned, and I swear I would _much_ rather be with just you, but I don't know how to get rid of them without them growing suspicious. Dammit, I really wanted to spend the whole weekend with just you!” With that, Clarke kicked one of the kitchen cupboards under the sink in frustration.  
  
Lexa grabbed her arm and turned her so that she had to look up at Lexa's face.  
  
“Hey, I know you didn't plan this,” she assured the blonde, “And I know you would rather be spending your evening with just me, just as I would rather be spending it with just you. But they are here now, and there is nothing we can do about it, so I suppose we will just have to figure it out. With any luck, they will all leave later, and then we will be able to spend the rest of the night together.”  
  
Clarke shook her head.  
  
“I wish, but they brought their bags,” she informed the taller girl, “That means they all plan to stay the night. Since we're gonna be drinking, I know they are being all responsible and shit, but for once I wish they wouldn't be.”  
  
Lexa frowned, and then shrugged her shoulders and said, “Alright, well then with any luck they will leave in the morning, and then we'll have the rest of the day to be together.”  
  
Clarke smiled lightly up at Lexa before saying, “You're an optimistic one, aren't you?”  
  
Lexa felt a tug at the corner of her lips as she replied, “Not usually, but with you I will make an exception.”  
  
“Thanks,” Clarke told her, the smile growing a little, “I like that.”  
  
“Hey, come on in there! You guys need some help or something?!” they heard Octavia yell, and Clarke rolled her eyes.  
  
“We're going, relax! You'll get your booze soon!” she yelled back, before she opened one of the cabinets and began dragging out various cups and handing them to Lexa. Once they had enough, Clarke shut the cupboard back up, but before they went back into the room, she opened the drawer she had put her mother's pizza money in, and grabbed it. She then led the way back into the living room, yelling, “Who wants pizza?” as they reentered the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed!


	4. Chapter 4

Lexa leaned back, placing her plate on the coffee table in front of her and looked around the room. She and Clarke were sitting on the floor next to each other, while Lincoln, Octavia and Bellamy all sat on the couch. Raven and Finn shared one of the large chairs, squished together slightly but seeming to enjoy the lack of space. Wells sat in the other chair, while Monty and Jasper sat on the floor across from Lexa and Clarke.  
  
“I'm stuffed,” Octavia groaned as she put the rest of her half-eaten slice of pizza on her plate, “I can't eat anymore.”  
  
Bellamy reached across her, and grabbed the pizza from in front of her.  
  
“I'll take that then!” he told her, and quickly took a big bite out of it, grinning at her as she made a face at him.  
  
“Boys,” she said, “How the hell do you eat so much? That's, what, your fourth slice?”  
  
“Technically four and a half,” Bellamy mumbled, his mouth full of pizza as he took another bite.  
  
Lexa had to wonder along side of Octavia from her seat on the floor. When Clarke suggested ordering pizzas, she had assumed they would order three pizzas and have enough for everyone. So when she heard that they were ordering five pizzas, she had been slightly appalled, thinking that there was no way they would eat that much. However, it seemed like the first and second pizza disappeared as soon as the boxes were opened, and it hadn't taken long for the third and fourth box to empty either. Honestly she didn't know whether to be repulsed or impressed with their pizza eating abilities. True, Bellamy had eaten the most, but she knew that Jasper and Finn were both right behind him.  
  
“I swear to god Bellamy, if you throw up tonight, it had better be in the toilet, because I am _not_ cleaning up four and a half partially digested slices of pizza from my floor,” Clarke warned him, giving him a playful glare.  
  
Finishing the last bite, he raised his hand and swore, “I promise Clarke, I will not vomit my partially digested slices of pizza onto your floor. I don't however make any promises about your lawn or furniture.” He winked at her, and gave her a playful smile, which Lexa had to be careful _not_ to react to.  
  
Clarke wrinkled her nose at him with a look of disgust on her face, and Octavia elbowed him in the side.  
  
“Eww, gross Bell,” she told him, and he just shrugged his shoulders at her.  
  
“What?” he asked, “I was just kidding!” He looked over to Clarke again and informed her in mock-seriousness, “I won't throw up on or in anything that is not a toilet. Okay Princess?”  
  
“Much better,” Clarke replied, smiling at him.  
  
Lexa had to take a drink from her soda to hide the scowl she almost gave him. She could definitely see what Raven had meant by chemistry between Clarke and Bellamy. She couldn't tell if they meant to be flirting with each other or not, but she could certainly tell that they were. If this was how it always was with them, she could see why Raven thought they should get together. The idea of Clarke with him made Lexa clench her jaw, but then she felt Clarke bump her arm lightly. She looked over, and saw Clarke smiling at her slightly, the look in her eyes clearly saying, “I have to play my part, remember?” Lexa sighed in response, but then put her cup back down, nodding ever so slightly to Clarke as she did so.  
  
Clearly no one else had seen the silent conversation, for when Lexa's attention once again moved back to the group, it appeared that they were trying to decide what to do next.  
  
“We could play drunk checkers,” Raven suggested, but Octavia shook her head immediately.  
  
“Nu-uh,” she replied, “One, we have way too many people; drunk checkers is good for two people, maybe four if you play with teams, but we have way more than that. Plus, it's boring.”  
  
“Is not!” Raven exclaimed, but then conceded, “But yeah, we do have too many people for it.”  
  
“How about drunk charades?” Finn asked, “Split up into two teams, and every time you guess wrong, you drink.”  
  
“That's too active,” Bellamy said, “We do that, and I will definitely not be keeping that promise I made.”  
  
“And he has to keep that promise,” Clarke reminded him, sending him a mock-glare, which he just grinned at.  
  
“Oh ho, you fools!” Jasper exclaimed dramatically, “Did you really think we wouldn't come prepared?! It's time for some Kings!” Monty smiled in turn, and fished a large deck of cards out of his pocket, and then plopped it on the table.  
  
As everyone else in the room echoed their enthusiasm at the prospective game, Lexa frowned.  
  
“Kings?” she asked Clarke, who turned to her grinning.  
  
“It's a drinking game,” the blonde explained, “You lay the cards out in a large circle with an empty cup in the middle. Basically each card has a different rule for it, and the person who loses to that rule drinks. If you draw a king card, you have to pour some of your drink into the cup in the middle. The person who draws the last king has to then drink whatever concoction has been created in that cup. It won't be too bad this time, since all we have is rum, vodka, and a few different sodas, but sometimes it gets nasty. Plus, it's pretty much guaranteed to get you drunk, real fast.”  
  
Lexa nodded slowly, not entirely sure what she thought of all that, but said, “Sounds... Interesting.”  
  
“It's a lot of fun,” Clarke assured her.  
  
“Hell yeah it is! Bring on the Kings!” Jasper exclaimed again from the other side of the coffee table, pumping his fist into the air.  
  
Clarke looked at the pile of pizza boxes on the table in front of them, and said, “First we gotta clear the space. Plus, if we're playing the game, then I think we all need to freshen our drinks.”  
  
Octavia jumped up, lightly punching her brother's shoulder as she did so.  
  
“Come on,” she told him, “You and I are on clean-up duty.”  
  
“Why do we have to be on clean-up duty?” Bellamy groaned, sinking further into the couch.  
  
Octavia rolled her eyes, and then grabbed his arm and began to haul him off the couch.  
  
“Because I said so, now move,” she informed him, giving his arm a little jerk to get him up.  
  
Lincoln leaned forward and grabbed Lexa and Clarke's plates as well as his own.  
  
“I'll help you,” he offered as he stood up.  
  
“See?” Octavia scolded her brother, “Lincoln _offers_ to help. Now get off your lazy ass and grab some trash!”  
  
As everyone in the room laughed, Bellamy glared, finally getting up and grabbing his plate.  
  
“Suck up,” he mumbled to Lincoln as he walked by towards the kitchen, and the other guy just grinned.  
  
As the three on the clean-up crew brought all of the trash and left-over pizza to the kitchen, Jasper pulled the vodka and rum from the bags behind him, saying, “And I'll get everyone a new drink!”  
  
He reached over the table to grab Lexa's cup, but Clarke grabbed it first, pulling it away from him.  
  
“Oh no you don't,” she informed him, “You are not to go anywhere near Lexa's cup. She's never really drank before, and you are way too heavy handed with the liquor for a newby.”  
  
Jasper shrugged slightly, saying, “So I'm generous when I make drinks; is that really so bad?”  
  
Clarke glared at him.  
  
“I still can't remember that first night you ever made me a drink; you don't get to make Lexa's,” she told him, and then turned to Wells. “Wells, since you aren't drinking, make sure Jasper does _not_ make Lexa a drink please.” Wells nodded, smiling slightly.  
  
Jasper crossed his arms over his chest.  
  
“Jeeze Clarke, way to make me sound like a creep,” he complained.  
  
Clarke rolled her eyes, and then turned to Lexa, telling her, “Lexa, Jasper is not a creep, he just makes very strong drinks and it would probably be better if his wasn't one of the first drinks you have. Strong alcoholic beverages aside, he is actually very sweet and a good guy.” She turned back to Jasper, asking, “Better?”  
  
He flipped his hand to her, nodding, and replied, “Yes, better. Now then! Anyone who tends to drink on a semi-regular basis and is ready to get smashed, hand me your cup and remind me what you're drinking!”  
  
Clarke shook her head, a smile growing as the others all crowded around Jasper, telling him what they wanted, and then turned to Lexa.  
  
“Sorry,” she told her, “I didn't mean to take over your drink order. I just figured you'll probably feel better tomorrow if I'm the one making your drinks and not Jasper.”  
  
One corner of Lexa's lips turned up in a small smile as she replied, “Not to worry; I would prefer you made my drinks anyway. Since I know you a little better, I mean.”  
  
Clarke's smile grew, kind of enjoying this game of pretending to just be project partners. In a way it was fun, and she was really happy with how Lexa was fitting in with her friends. Sure, the brunette had been pretty quiet up to this point, but she knew that her friends could be a lot to handle, especially all at once. They didn't seem to be fazing Lexa though, and the idea that this type of thing could possibly happen more often now actually made her really happy. At the very least, now she wouldn't have to ignore her in the hallways at school.  
  
She nodded to Lexa, before grabbing both her cup and the other girl's, and then stood up and made her way over to where Jasper still sat with a number of cups in front of him, saying, “All right there, Booze Guy, hand over that rum; I've got a drink to make! And here's my cup. Vodka, and any of the sodas, I don't care which!”  
  
Lexa remained seated on the floor, and looked around the room. Octavia, Lincoln and Bellamy were still in the kitchen, and everyone except for Wells had flocked over to Jasper to get their refill. Wells had his cup of just soda in his hands, sipping on it as he watched the ruckus around Jasper. Lexa, who usually wasn't a fan of starting a conversation with people she didn't really know, decided to give it a try.  
  
“So, you don't drink?” she questioned him, and he turned his full attention on Lexa when he heard her speaking to him.  
  
“Not very often, no,” he replied, shaking his head, “Every once in a while I'll have one drink, but usually I don't. I don't really like what alcohol does to me.”  
  
“Plus,” Finn added, as he sat back down in his chair and made room for Raven, “He's afraid his dad would find out; can't upset Daddy Mayor Jaha.”  
  
Wells shrugged, saying, “Well yeah, there is that too.”  
  
“Hey man, I still say you have to relax every now and then. Get out of your father's shadow and have a little fun!,” Finn told him, taking a sip of his drink and then making a face at how strong it was.  
  
“I do relax,” Wells informed him, and Finn rolled his eyes.  
  
“Dude, playing chess does not count as relaxing,” Finn replied.  
  
Lexa perked up at the word chess.  
  
“You play chess?” she asked him, finally interested in the conversation.  
  
Wells looked at her, and nodded.  
  
“Yeah, I love chess. I learned when I was little,” he told her.  
  
“I did too,” she admitted, “My father taught me when I was very young.”  
  
“Yeah?” he said, then asked, “You any good?”  
  
The corner of Lexa's mouth turned up into a small smiled as she replied, “I've been told so, yes.”  
  
Just then Clarke sat back down next to Lexa, and looked back and forth between her and Wells.  
  
“What are we talking about?” she asked them.  
  
“Chess,” Wells told her, “Lexa says she plays.”  
  
“You do?” Clarke asked, and Lexa nodded. “Well then we should play sometime,” she told the taller girl.  
  
“I get to play her first Clarke; it's only fair, since I found out she plays first,” Wells quipped, smiling at Lexa, who smiled back.  
  
“It does seem only fair,” she agreed.  
  
Clarke sighed, but then gave in, saying, “Alright, but I should warn you, Wells is a fantastic player. I almost never beat him.”  
  
“Well, that could either say something about his playing or yours,” Lexa teased, her eyes glowing as Clarke's jaw dropped in mock-hurt. “Besides, you've never seen me play, so don't count me out quite yet.”  
  
“Oh, I won't,” Clarke assured her, “I have a feeling you have many more surprises up your sleeves.”  
  
“Perhaps one or two,” Lexa conceded, nodding as she smiled at Clarke.  
  
“Well I very much look forward to our match, Lexa,” Wells told her genuinely, as everyone started to gather back around the table.  
  
“So do I,” Lexa replied, and was a bit surprised that it was genuine for her as well.  
  
Once all of the drinks were made, Monty and Jasper stood up, each grabbing an end of the coffee table, and moved it to the side of the room, placing the alcohol and sodas on it, before moving back to the playing areas and laying the cards out in a large circle so that they overlapped with each other. Finn and Raven moved the chair they had been sitting in back a bit, and then sat in front of it, as Wells did the same thing with his chair. Coming back in from the kitchen, Lincoln and Bellamy pushed the couch back, and then sat in front of it, and Octavia sat between them, completing their circle around the cards. Before settling down, she placed a plastic cup in the center of the ring of cards, and then turned to Clarke.  
  
“You wanna explain the rules Clarke, for our newby and anyone who hasn't played in a while? Your house, your rules,” she reminded her best friend.  
  
Clarke nodded, saying, “Right. Okay, so the card rules are as follows; twos are 'to you,' so if you pick that card, you get to choose someone who then has to drink. 'Three to me,' and the person who draws the card drinks. 'Four to the floor,' and everyone has to put both hands on the floor, unless you are holding your drink, in which case it only has to be the one hand that doesn't have the drink in it. Last one to touch the floor, drinks. 'Five to guys,' and guys all drink. 'Six to chicks;' ladies all drink. 'Seven to heaven,' which is the same thing as 'four to the floor,' except hands go up in the air. 'Eight pick a mate,' so if you draw that card, you then pick someone else, and for the rest of the game, when you drink, they have to drink too. That does not mean that you have to drink whenever they drink, unless they then also draw an eight, and choose to mate back with you. 'Nine, bust a rhyme.' The drawer chooses a word, and we go around in a circle, and everyone has to rhyme with that word until someone repeats a word, or takes too long to think of one.”  
  
“And you can't choose the words 'purple,' 'orange,' or silver,'” Raven interrupted, “Cause those words don't have any rhymes. That's just a dick move.”  
  
“Right,” Clarke agreed, then continued, “Ten is 'categories;' the person who drew the card picks a category, and we go around the circle until someone repeats something in that category, or can't think of anything. Jacks will be Truth or Dare, so if you draw that card you will choose truth or dare, and then the rest of the group will choose something for you to do or tell, depending on which you choose. Queen is the Question Master, so if you get that card, you become the Question Master, and you try to trick people into answering your questions as the game goes on. Anyone who answers the Question Master then drinks. Kings are obviously for the King's cup, where you put some of your drink into the cup in the middle, and then you choose a rule, and everybody has to follow that rule until the next King is drawn and a new rule takes its place. The person who draws the last king then has to drink the King's cup. And finally, ace is waterfall, so the person who draws an ace will start drinking, and then the next person will start as soon as they do and so on around the circle, and you are not allowed to stop drinking until the person in front of you stops, or until you run out of drink. And that's it. We play until all four kings have been drawn, and the King's cup has been drank. Oh! And last rule; the first person to break the circle, that is, draw a card and create a space between two cards, has to drink. Everyone got it?”  
  
Lexa's head spun a little bit at all the rules, but she nodded nevertheless with everyone else. The game seemed simple enough. She was sure she would need to be reminded of the rules during the first few rounds, but she had a feeling she would figure it out as the game progressed. No matter what, it was very clear that the sole purpose of the game was indeed to get those who played it very drunk, just as Clarke had said.  
  
“Clarke, you go first,” Raven said, nodding to her, “Since you're the host.”  
  
Clarke raised her eyebrows, a smile on her face.  
  
“Wow, there are a lot of perks to being the host,” she told them, making most of them grin, before she reached out and pulled out one of the cards near her. She flipped it over, and Lexa saw that it was a five.  
  
“Ha! Starting off strong Clarke!” Octavia exclaimed, as all of the guys took a gulp of their drink.  
  
Bellamy grimaced ever so slightly at the strength of his beverage, before saying to his sister, “Just you wait, O. You'll get yours soon enough.”  
  
“Bring it, Bell,” Octavia dared him, her competitive side flaring up.  
  
“Oh god, are we already starting with the sibling rivalry?” Raven asked, rolling her eyes.  
  
“You know it never takes them long,” Jasper replied, before nodding to Lincoln, who was on Clarke's other side, and saying, “Your turn Lincoln.”  
  
Lincoln reached forward and flipped over a three. He grinned, before taking a long swallow of his drink, then turned to Octavia and informed her, “Your turn.”  
  
Octavia drew a four, and everyone's hands flew to the floor, Lexa's being the last to go down as she had forgotten what the rule had been. Octavia grinned at her, before saying, “Sorry Lexa; time to drink.”  
  
Lexa lifted her cup to her mouth, and took a small sip. While she could taste the alcohol in the drink, the soda covered it up well enough that she took another.  
  
Clarke leaned over to her, one eye on the game as Bellamy reached forward and turned over a two, and chose Octavia to drink.  
  
“How is it?” Clarke asked her, referring to the drink she had made for Lexa.  
  
“It isn't bad,” Lexa told her as she placed the cup in front of her, “I can taste the alcohol, but it isn't too strong.”  
  
“Good,” Clarke replied, nodding, as Raven drew an eight and chose Finn to be her mate, to no one's surprise. “I'm glad you like it. Let me know if you need help with any of the rules, too. I know I went through them pretty quickly.”  
  
“It all seems simple enough,” she informed the blonde, as Finn flipped over a seven, and she threw her hands up in the air just a split second before Clarke was able to, leaving her as the last one to throw her hands up. “See?” she insisted, a wicked glimmer in her eyes as she looked at the other girl, “I've got it down already.”  
  
“I guess so,” Clarke agreed, a smile on her lips as she took a drink. Placing her cup down, she added, “Then I guess this means I shouldn't expect anyone to go easy on you since you're new to the game.”  
  
“I much prefer the competition,” Lexa agreed, watching as Wells, who was playing even though he wasn't drinking, flipped over a six. She picked up her cup just as Clarke picked up her own, and saw Clarke raise it up just the slightest it in a mock toast.  
  
“To the competition, then,” she said, before downing a long gulp of her drink, and Lexa grinned as she did the same with her own cup.  
  
“Drink ladies, drink!” Jasper was saying, as their attention turned back to the game. He reached forward and drew a card, flipping it over to show an ace. “Yeah! Waterfall!”  
  
Raven and Finn groaned, seeing that they were at the end of the waterfall chain, but raised their cups just as everyone else did. Jasper grinned, and then brought his cup to his lips, beginning the chain. Monty followed after him, and then Lexa brought her cup to her lips, and then Clarke, and so on down the circle until they were all drinking. After a short time, Jasper pulled the cup from his lips, and Monty followed just a moment later. Deciding to crank up this competition, Lexa looked over at Clarke out of the corner of her eyes, the corners of her lips turning up as she kept the cup to her lips and the liquid flowing down her throat. Clarke noticed the look and could see the evil glimmer in the brunette's eyes and couldn't help the small smile that formed on her lips, even as the amount of alcohol in her drink burned her throat.  
  
As Lexa kept going, Jasper laughed, watching everyone else struggling with their cups to their mouths.  
  
“Aww yeah! Lexa's a badass!” he exclaimed, and then laughed some more when Bellamy flipped him off, his cup still to his lips.  
  
Finally Lexa put her cup down, the small smirk still on her lips. Clarke considered still going to prove a point to Lexa, but she knew that she would get hell from those behind her if she did, so instead she put her cup down too, and everyone after her followed.  
  
“Damn Lexa,” Octavia said as her cup hit the floor, “For someone who's never drank before, you go hard!”  
  
Lexa allowed a small smirk to form on her lips as she looked over at Octavia, and just shrugged her shoulders slightly.  
  
“I suppose I'm a bit competitive,” she admitted, causing Octavia to grin.  
  
“Nothing wrong with that,” she said, and then they all watched as Monty flipped over another two. He pointed at Jasper, grinning as he said, “You.”  
  
Jasper smiled and happily drank, and then they all turned to Lexa as she reached forward and grabbed a card. She flipped it over, to find a nine lying in front of her. She had to pause for just a moment to remember what the rule for that card was, but then remembered that it was the rhyming card, and the smirk grew once again on her lips. She looked at Clarke next to her and simply said, “Note.”  
  
Clarke's eyes flashed, her thoughts going straight to where Lexa had known they would go, and then she added, “Wrote.”  
  
Lincoln continued with, “Boat,” and so on it went until it reached Finn, who struggled to come up with a word that hadn't already been said. Finally he just shrugged, and lifted his cup into the air.  
  
“Cheers,” he said, before he took a large gulp.  
  
Clarke and Lexa were both barely paying attention. Each one kept looking at the other out of the corners of their eyes, and at one point Clarke moved and “accidentally” brushed her leg against Lexa's, causing Lexa's heart to skip a beat. She didn't know if it was the alcohol that had just started to take effect on her, or just being this close to Clarke without being able to touch her, but that was all she could really think about.  
  
“Your turn Clarke,” Monty said, breaking through their thoughts on each other, and Clarke gently bit her bottom lip, knowing she was going to have to be very careful the rest of the evening. She wanted to jump Lexa just as much as Lexa wanted to jump her, and if she wasn't careful that was going to become all the more obvious as more liquor was added to her system.  
  
She reached out and grabbed a card, having to be careful not to break the circle, as it was still intact, and then flipped it over to find the first king of the night.  
  
“King,” she stated, grinning, and poured a healthy portion of her drink into the middle cup.  
  
“What's the rule?” Raven asked.  
  
“The rule is...,” Clarke had to think a moment, and then she smiled, and said, “The rule is that before you take a drink, you have to take the little green man off of your cup, and if you don't, then you have to drink again.”  
  
Lexa looked at her in confusion as a few of the others groaned, and some of them rolled their eyes.  
  
“Really Clarke? The little green man?” Bellamy groaned, shaking his head at her.  
  
“What?!” she exclaimed, “It's a classic, and everyone almost always forgets, so it's even better!” She turned to Lexa and explained, “Basically, you pretend there is a little green man sitting on the edge of your cup, so you have to take him off before you drink, and then put him back on when you're done.” She picked up her drink and demonstrated by pinching the air at the edge of her cup, lifting her fingers away as though something were held between them, then took a drink, before putting the “little man” back on her cup. “See?” she asked, “Simple enough.”  
  
“I see,” Lexa replied, and then the game continued.  
  
Lincoln drew another three and drank, remembering to remove the green man from his cup, and then Octavia flipped a card, to find a queen, and grinned. Lexa made a mental note not to answer any question Octavia may ask, remembering that was the rule for that card. Bellamy drew a ten, and chose sports as the category. They were able to make it all the way around the circle once, and part of a second time around, before Jasper got stuck and had to drink. He forgot to take the green man off of his cup, which Octavia noticed.  
  
“Hey Jasper, did you forget something?” she asked him, and Lexa shook her head. Octavia had just become the Question Master, there was no way Jasper was going to fall for it.  
  
Except he did.  
  
“Huh?” he answered, and then looked at his cup and swore.  
  
“Ah, shit, forgot the green man!” he exclaimed, and then looked confused as people started laughing. “What?” he asked them, and then he saw Octavia smirking at him, and swore again as he remembered she was the Question Master.  
  
“That's two more drinks, Jasper,” she told him and laughed as he just tipped his cup back and finished his drink since there hadn't been much left in it anyway.  
  
“Oh well,” he said, as he stood up, “Time for a refill! Go ahead and keep playing, I'll be right back,” and he moved over to where the drinks were set up on the coffee table.  
  
The game continued as Raven pulled a seven, and everyone's hands shot to the air. Bellamy hadn't been paying complete attention, so he swore as his were the last in the air, and then took a drink, looking at Clarke as he purposefully took the little green man off first. Finn waited until Bellamy had finished drinking, and then drew a six, and all of the girls drank plus himself, since he was still mated with Raven, each remembering to take the little green man off. Octavia and Clarke both needed a new drink after that, so they stood up just as Jasper sat back down.  
  
“What're you drinking?” Clarke asked Octavia when they got to the drinks, reaching out for the other girl's cup.  
  
“Rum and coke,” Octavia replied as she handed her cup over, and Clarke grabbed the rum, ready to make the drink. Octavia looked back at the circle of players while Clarke made her drink, and casually said, “Lexa's pretty cool. You should ask her to hang out with us more often.”  
  
Clarke smiled before saying, “Yeah? Maybe I will. She does seem pretty fun, huh?”  
  
Octavia watched her add the coke to her cup before asking in an innocent tone, “How come you never said anything about this project you guys are working on? What class is it for again? And you can answer those; they don't count as part of the game since we aren't in the circle.”  
  
Clarke paused, her heart starting to beat faster as she tried to remember if they had already told the group what class the project was for. She was pretty sure they hadn't, so she quickly told her, “History. Guess it just never came up. I mean, it is just a school project. You'd much rather talk about sports, and Raven only cares if they're science projects.”  
  
Octavia laughed, and then replied, “True. But isn't Wells in your history class? How come you two aren't partners?”  
  
Clarke swore at herself for forgetting that Wells was in that class with them, but it was the only class that she and Lexa had together. Hoping that Octavia wouldn't ask Wells about the project, she quickly lied, “Indra assigned partners this time, instead of letting us pick our own, otherwise we would have been. I don't remember who Wells's partner is. But I mean, Lexa and I are working pretty well together.”  
  
Octavia smiled at her, before nodding and saying, “I can see that. You two seem to make a good pair. Now hurry up and make your own drink and get your ass back in the game!” She lightly punched Clarke on the arm, and then grabbed her own drink from the blonde and turned around to rejoin the game. Clarke stayed still for a moment, trying to figure out if there was any kind of hidden meaning in what Octavia had said, or if she had really just been talking about them as project partners. Octavia never really talked in code; she was always a very blunt person, saying whatever was on her mind and not playing any games about it, but that had seemed to mean a bit more than just what she had said. She watched Octavia as she laughed at something Monty and Jasper were saying, and then she shook her head and turned back to the coffee table, grabbing the bottle of vodka that was still more than half full. She had no reason to suspect that Octavia knew more than she was saying; she was just being paranoid. She quickly made her drink, and then headed back to the game.  
  
She sat down, just as Lexa reached out to flip a card, and she grinned when she saw an eight. She looked up just as Lexa looked over at her, a small smirk on her lips. “Be my mate, Clarke?” Lexa asked, and once again Clarke felt those butterflies start fluttering around in her stomach.  
  
“If you insist,” she answered, and she noticed Lexa's smirk grow ever so slightly. She then reached forward and flipped a card, grinning as she turned over a five. “Five to guys,” she said, and watched as all of the men drank, both Finn and Jasper forgetting to take the little green man off and having to drink again. She turned to Bellamy and insisted, “See? It is a good rule! People always forget!”  
  
Bellamy gave her a look, then said, “Doesn't matter; it's still a stupid rule.”  
  
Lincoln cut them off from any further debate about the rule by flipping a four, sending everyone's hands to the ground. Raven touched the ground last, but then grinned as she picked her cup up and told Finn, “That's you too, Finn.”  
  
Finn grumbled as he picked his cup up too, saying, “You did that on purpose.”  
  
Raven just laughed, before she took the green man off and took a long gulp, Finn doing the same.  
  
Octavia laughed at Finn too, and then reached forward and grabbed a card, and flipped it to find a jack.  
  
“Aww yeah! Truth or dare, and I pick dare!” she exclaimed, pumping a fist into the air.  
  
“I have one!” Jasper shouted before anyone else could speak, so they all turned to him. “I dare you to beat Bellamy in a swimming contest! First person to complete three laps in the pool wins, and loser has to finish their drink!”  
  
“Is swimming really a good idea?” Raven asked, “They've been drinking.”  
  
“We're fine!” Octavia told her, adding, “If I had already finished the drink I just got, I'd say that's probably a bad idea, but I'm fine with just the one, and Bellamy hasn't even finished his and he's more of a heavyweight than me. Besides, Clarke worked as a lifeguard at a camp over the summer, so we've even got a lifeguard with us!”  
  
“Wait, who says I want to do this dare?” Bellamy asked, “It's not my card!”  
  
Octavia grinned at her brother, and everyone could see that Octavia had her competitive face on.  
  
“What's the matter bro, afraid you'll lose?” she wanted to know, the grin growing when he scowled at her.  
  
“Please, I can swim laps around you,” he replied, “I just don't see why I need to be involved with your dare.”  
  
“First of all, drink,” she informed him, and he rolled his eyes and did so, and then she added, “Second, you just know you'll lose to me, so you wanna try to get out of it!” she informed him, knowing exactly what buttons to push to get to her brother.  
  
He clenched his jaw, and they could all see she got him.  
  
“Fine,” he told her, standing up, “Let's do this!”  
  
“Bring it, bro!” she replied, getting up right behind him, and then immediately heading towards the kitchen, Bellamy following her.  
  
Everybody else got up too to follow them, and as they moved into the kitchen to get to the pool in the back yard, Lexa asked Clarke, “Is this a good idea? Raven's right: they have been drinking.”  
  
Clarke looked over to Lexa, and smiled reassuringly.  
  
“Yeah, they'll be fine,” she informed the brunette, “I've seen Octavia swim when she was much drunker than this before, and Wells hasn't been drinking at all, so if something does happen, he will be able to help them. I'm only feeling a little bit, so I'd be able to help too, and I imagine you aren't too bad yet, so you could help them too, I'm sure.”  
  
It was true; although Lexa's face was getting warm and she could feel the alcohol starting to take effect, she could tell that she was by no means drunk. So instead of arguing anymore, she just shrugged, and followed the rest of the group out the sliding doors, onto the deck behind Clarke's house.  
  
This was a new area for her that she hadn't seen yet except through the windows. The backyard was large, a wooden fence surrounding it, and a pool just a few yards away from the deck. Clarke moved to the side of the house and flipped a light switch, and a light on the deck turned on, and then she flipped a second one, and lights on the bottom of the pool turned on, lighting up the pool and surrounding area. It was all so breath-taking that she didn't realize that Bellamy and Octavia had both begun stripping until she turned and saw Bellamy taking off his shirt, and Octavia removing her pants. She would have blushed if she blushed easily, and as it was she quickly averted her eyes, not sure if she was comfortable at looking at their bare skin, considering she barely knew them. Apparently this was not an odd occurrence, however, as everyone else seemed completely unfazed by it, though she could tell that Lincoln was trying not to glare at Jasper for staring rather openly at Octavia as she shimmied out of her pants. Finally Bellamy stood in just his boxers, and Octavia wore only underwear and a tank top, and the two moved to the deeper end of the pool and positioned themselves to be ready to jump in as soon as they were told to. The others all followed them, ranging themselves around the edge of the pool, and Clarke called to the siblings, “Alright, you know the challenge! The first to complete three laps wins and gets bragging rights, and the loser finishes their drink! Get ready, get set... Go!”  
  
They both sprang into action, diving into the pool, and everyone else started shouting. Lexa, standing next to Clarke, was surprised at everyone's enthusiasm. Even quiet Monty was shouting, though he was shouting for both of them, while others had clearly chosen who they wanted to win. Raven and Finn both cheered for Bellamy, while Jasper, Clarke, and Lincoln cheered for Octavia. Wells also cheered for both swimmers, clearly giving both of them his support. Lexa didn't really know what to do, so rather than cheer, she decided to just watch, though silently she was hoping that Octavia would win (she told herself it had nothing to do with Bellamy flirting with Clarke, but she also knew she was lying to herself).  
  
For the first lap, it looked like Bellamy was going to win; he was a few strokes in front of Octavia, his strokes more powerful than her own. However, as they entered the second lap, it was clear that he was putting too much of his energy into each stroke, which was tiring him quickly. Octavia, on the other hand, used even, well-paced strokes, so while she started out behind, she began to catch up to him as they swam down the length of the pool for the second time. Entering the third lap, it was clear to Lexa that it was going to be a close race, as Octavia had caught up to Bellamy, but he wasn't giving up, and instead just tried putting more power behind his strokes. Octavia was smaller, however, so she didn't need as much power to move through the water, so with only half a lap to go she caught up with her brother, and then passed him, touching the side of the pool only two strokes before he did, successfully beating him. Those who had been cheering her on cheered louder, and even Lexa had a huge smile on her face as Octavia started laughing, holding on to the edge of the pool.  
  
“Hell yeah! Kicked your ass!” she exclaimed, using her free hand to slick her hair back away from her face.  
  
Bellamy rolled his eyes and pulled himself up on the edge of the pool.  
  
“Whatever,” he replied, “You're smaller, so you had the advantage. Give me another challenge and I''ll kick _your_ ass!”  
  
“Bring it, Bell,” her sister replied as she pulled herself out of the pool as well, “Just bring it.”  
  
“Alright, you two wait here,” Clarke told them, “I'm gonna go grab you towels.”  
  
They nodded, and she left, running back inside.  
  
“Good race!” Raven exclaimed, moving over and smacking Bellamy lightly on the back, “I really thought you had her there, Bellamy.”  
  
“Yeah, I heard you cheering for him, you traitor,” Octavia told her as she tried to ring some of the water out of her hair, and Raven shrugged, grinning.  
  
“Hey, your brother needed someone on his side,” she informed her friend, “And besides, I really thought he had you there. Plus, he was more fun to watch. Kinda surprised Clarke wasn't cheering for him, honestly. I mean, you must feel pretty betrayed Bell, after all those marks you left on her neck the other day when she disappeared from us.”  
  
Lexa froze, and didn't dare to look up, knowing that Raven was referring to the hickeys that she had left on Clarke the other day in the bathroom. She really didn't dare look up when Bellamy told Raven, “Raven, I'm telling you, it wasn't me. Don't get me wrong, I'd be happy to leave the next round of marks, but those ones weren't me.”  
  
Raven glared at him and then Octavia, and then exclaimed, “Alright, then who the hell was it?! Since when doesn't she talk about her conquests?!”  
  
Lexa clenched her jaw when she heard the word “conquests.” Throughout the time that she and Clarke had been doing whatever it was they were doing, she knew that Clarke had still been spending time with other people, whether to keep up appearances or just to have some fun. They had never talked about being exclusive with each other, so really Lexa had no reason to suddenly feel the gaping hole in her stomach, and yet she did. The idea of Clarke having “conquests,” of being physical and intimate with other people the way that she was with Lexa made her want to punch something or cry, two things that she could not permit herself to do.  
  
“Drop it, Raven,” Wells told her, clearly not comfortable with this subject.  
  
“Wells is right, Raven,” Octavia agreed, “Drop it. It's Clarke's life, and if she doesn't want to say anything about whoever this person is, she doesn't have to. Leave it alone.”  
  
Raven shrugged, and then said, “Fine, I'll drop it, but I don't get why she's being so secretive all of a sudden, when usually she's an open book about this kind of thing.”  
  
“Doesn't matter,” Octavia informed her, just as Clarke was coming back through the sliding door with two large towels in her arms.  
  
Raven dropped it, and no one mentioned the conversation as the blonde approached them, holding out the towels to Bellamy and Octavia.  
  
“Alright you two, cover up would ya, this is a decent household,” she joked as they each took a towel from her and wrapped it around their bodies.  
  
“Come on,” Monty said, as he and Jasper started up the steps of the deck, “Let's get back to the game.”  
  
The others agreed, and followed the two back inside the house, but Lexa stayed where she was, staring into the water of the pool. Clarke was about to follow the group, when she noticed that Lexa hadn't moved, and then stopped.  
  
“Lexa, you coming?” she asked, but didn't get a response. Frowning, she waited until everyone else moved inside, before she went over to Lexa. “Hey,” she asked, her voice dropping as she studied the other girl's face. “What's wrong?”  
  
“It's nothing,” Lexa told her, not wanting Clarke to see how upset Raven's words had made her, but Clarke wasn't having it.  
  
“Don't lie to me Lexa, I know something's up,” she told the other girl, and then took her hand, her fingers twining through Lexa's. “What's wrong?”  
  
Lexa sighed before telling Clarke, “It's nothing it's just... While you were inside, there was a mention of the hickeys I gave you the other day. Only no one knew it was me, so Raven was just wondering who it was and she made some comment.”  
  
“What was the comment?” Clarke asked, squeezing Lexa's hand a bit more, causing Lexa to finally look over at her.  
  
“She mentioned something about... your 'conquests,'” she finally informed the other girl, “And I know I have no right to be upset by the thought of you with someone else, since we've never said that we were going to be exclusive, but I just... I just didn't like that thought, that someone else might be touching you, or holding you when I'm not around. It's stupid, I know, I just... Don't like it.”  
  
Clarke paused a moment, before raising their entwined hands up and placing a small kiss to the back of Lexa's hand. When she saw that Lexa was watching her, she informed the taller girl, “I won't lie to you; when we first started this, I did fool around with other people. There were a few guys that I would make out with, especially at parties, and yeah, I even did more with a couple of them. I was trying to prove to myself that I only liked guys, that I didn't like girls... That I didn't like you. But I couldn't get away from you. Each time I kissed someone else, all I could think of were your lips. When I let someone touch me, I closed my eyes and imagined it was your fingers, your touch. I couldn't... couldn't convince myself to stay away from you, as much as I wanted to. Before long, even pretending that someone else was you wasn't good enough. No one else knew how to make my heart start racing the way you do with just a look, or how to touch me and make me feel like I'm a million miles away from here, in a place where nothing else matters except for the way that you hold me and I hold you.” She paused for a minute, and then looked up into Lexa's green eyes, seeing in them exactly what she was feeling. “I tried to fight you, Lexa, I really did, but I lost that fight, and honestly, I am so happy I did. I haven't been with anyone other than you for weeks now, and I've never been happier. I'm sorry that I never said any of this before, but I... I didn't really know how. I just... You're all I need, Lexa. You're all I want. Just you.”  
  
Lexa smiled down at Clarke, the hole that had been in her stomach filled with the warmth from Clarke's words. Her free hand moved to Clarke's cheek, her thumb rubbing it gently as she leaned down and covered the blonde's lips with her own. She didn't know if it was okay to kiss Clarke with all of her friends just inside, but at that moment Lexa didn't care, and apparently neither did Clarke as she didn't push her away. They stayed together for a long moment, just holding each other while they kissed, their feelings for each other all in that kiss. Finally Lexa pulled back and whispered, “You're all I want too, Clarke. You are my everything.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry you had to wait so long for this! Unfortunately I am very busy right now, and Mondays are the days that I have the most time to write, so the next chapter may not be up till next Monday, but I am going to try to get it up before then! Hope you enjoyed this, and as always, let me know what you think if you would like! I love hearing from people!
> 
> It should also be stated that I, unfortunately still do not own these characters.


	5. Chapter 5

Clarke and Lexa stayed together for just a few more moments, enjoying the peace of just the two of them together. Finally however Lexa sighed and looked back towards the house, and then back at Clarke.  
  
“As much as I would prefer to stay out here with you,” she said, “If we don't go in soon, they are going to come looking for us, to see what's taking us so long. And if they catch us like this, I don't think it'll take them very long to figure out who really put those marks on your neck.”  
  
Clarke laughed, before saying, “God, I can just imagine Raven's face. She would have no idea what's going on.”  
  
Lexa smiled slightly at Clarke and told her, “If you wish to keep it that way, we'd better go.” She took a couple of steps towards the house, Clarke following her, before she stopped suddenly and informed the blonde softly, “However, just know that I do fully intend to bring you back out here sometime and fuck you in that pool until you scream.”  
  
Immediately Clarke's lip was between her teeth, her mind able to imagine exactly how that scenario would play out. She could feel her body start to ache for Lexa's touch, but she knew she couldn't give in to it, which, from the way Lexa was smirking at her, was exactly what the taller girl had wanted. How she had come to feel this way for such an evil girl, Clarke had no idea, but she was pretty sure that if she died tonight, it would be from Lexa teasing her like this when there was nothing they could really do to act on that teasing, and definitely not alcohol poisoning. With the way she could feel her blood rushing through her body as her mind clouded with the image of Lexa making her scream, she was pretty sure that the brunette was much more intoxicating than any amount of liquor.  
  
Attempting to swallow with what had become a very dry mouth, Clarke smiled slightly, saying, “Can't wait.” Then she added, “If you're really good, I'll show you my old tree house, and then I can make you scream in there.”  
  
The smirk on Lexa's lips grew before she replied, “Well then, I will have to make sure that I am very, _very_ good, won't I?”  
  
Clarke shook her head, a smile on her face as she told the other girl, “Something tells me it won't be difficult for you to be that good. You're always that good.”  
  
Lexa started laughing, making Clarke's smile grow larger, before they started moving again, this time making it all the way inside. When they entered the kitchen, they saw that everyone had (luckily) moved back into the living room, and so they followed the noise of the many people talking, until they found the group once again sitting in their circle.  
  
Bellamy looked up when they came in, and exclaimed, “Jeeze, it's about time! What the hell were you two doing out there?! We've been waiting for forever!”  
  
Clarke rolled her eyes at him, and informed him as they took their seats back in the circle, “For your information, we were just talking, and it's only been a few minutes.”  
  
Sitting down, Lexa noticed that Bellamy and Octavia had both changed before they had rejoined the circle, into what Lexa assumed were their pajamas. Bellamy wore a pair of sweatpants and a tight t-shirt, while Octavia wore a pair of plaid pajama pants, and had on what Lexa assumed was one of Lincoln's sweatshirts. She had tied her wet hair back into a loose ponytail in the attempt to keep it from dripping all over her.  
  
“Well now that you're back, we can return to the game!” Jasper cried happily, and the enthusiasm behind it made Lexa wonder if he had been drinking while they had still been outside. He grinned over to Bellamy and told him, “Your turn Bellamy!”  
  
Bellamy reached out, and flipped over a king.  
  
“Hell yeah!” he exclaimed looking over at Clarke, “No more stupid green man rule!”  
  
Clarke stuck her tongue out at him and then asked, “Alright hot shot, what's your great rule then?”  
  
Bellamy poured a healthy portion of his drink into the center cup as he informed everyone, “From now on before you drink you must make an animal noise, and if you don't then you have to drink again.”  
  
Clarke scoffed.  
  
“Oh yeah, cause that's really so much better,” she told him, causing him to roll his eyes at her.  
  
“Whatever Griffin, it's helluva lot better than the green man,” he replied, as Raven grabbed a card, and finally broke the circle, which Jasper was quick to point out.  
  
“Ohhh, Raven, you broke the circle!” he exclaimed, “Make an animal noise then drink!”  
  
“Dammit,” Finn muttered, since he was still mated with her.  
  
She grinned at him, and told him, “Hey, if I'm going down, then you're going down too, baby.”  
  
The two made their animal noises, Finn barking and Raven meowing, and then they both drank. As soon as he was done, Finn turned over another card, no longer having to be careful about breaking the circle, and got an ace. He grinned, as everyone groaned.  
  
“Time to waterfall,” he said, and then chirped like a bird before putting his cup to his lips and began drinking, Wells following him, whinnying like a horse, and so on down the line. As it reached Octavia and Bellamy, however, the easier animal noises had all been taken, so they all almost choked on their drinks as Bellamy tried to trumpet like an elephant. Eventually they were all drinking though, and no one had even spilled their drinks from their laughing.  
  
Finn was mean. He smirked out of the corner of his mouth, and refused to put his cup down for a very long time. Lexa was the first to run out of her drink, as she hadn't had much left in her cup to begin with, but Lexa could see that Finn was trying to get everyone else to empty their cups as well. She looked around the circle, and saw just about everyone glaring at Finn, as the smirk on his lips just grew. Next to lower an empty cup was Lincoln, and then Monty and Raven.  
  
“Finn, you are being such an ass,” Raven informed him, though there was a little smile on her lips as well.  
  
Bellamy, Octavia and Jasper all raised a middle finger to him, as they finished their drinks also. Finally Finn ran out of drink, and was forced to put his cup down as well. Wells followed right behind him, leaving only Clarke drinking, but she didn't put her drink down. Instead, she tipped her head back further, and downed the rest of her drink. Slamming her cup to her floor, she exclaimed, “Damn Finn; I'm definitely buzzed now!”  
  
“Everybody needs a new drink,” Jasper stated happily, the dopey grin on his face showing that he was most definitely feeling something, “I'll get 'em!”  
  
Everybody gave him their cup, except for Lexa, since Clarke grabbed her cup again before Jasper could get it.  
  
“I'll get you a new drink Lexa,” Clarke told her happily, and the smile and redness of her cheeks told Lexa that yes, she definitely was buzzed now, “Jasper's still not allowed to do it. Just me! And you gotta catch up!”  
  
“If you let me make it, she'll catch up real fast!” Jasper exclaimed from his spot over by the booze as he poured out new drinks.  
  
Clarke rolled her eyes as she walked over to him and grabbed the rum from the table.  
  
“I said I want her to _catch up_ , not _throw up_ ,” she informed him, causing a number of people to laugh.  
  
As Clarke made her a new drink, Lexa changed her focus back to those around her.  
  
“Fuck, Finn,” Octavia was saying, “You're a dick! That was a new drink, and you made me down it!”  
  
Finn only grinned at her before he said, “Hey, you could have just taken little sips.”  
  
Octavia raised her eyebrows at him before she told him, “Uh uh. Go big or go home.”  
  
Finn laughed, flopping over slightly on Raven.  
  
“It isn't my fault then!” he exclaimed, and Raven grinned with him as Octavia shook her head.  
  
“Is too,” she muttered, but she grinned when Lincoln gently bumped her arm with his own, smiling at her.  
  
Lexa watched the interaction as Octavia lightly bumped him back, a little envious but mostly happy for Lincoln. As Anya's older brother, Lexa had known Lincoln for a while, and she didn't think she'd ever seen him look at anyone the way he looked at Octavia. Lincoln was a loner, usually preferring to spend time by himself or with his sister, but he looked perfectly comfortable sitting in that circle with Octavia right next to him, and Lexa knew that was because of the brunette.  
  
Suddenly Clarke sat back down next to her and handed Lexa her once again full cup. She noticed Lexa looking over at the pair, and looked too, and smiled slightly. She looked back at Lexa, and Lexa was a bit shocked when she saw the same look Lincoln gave Octavia reflecting back at her from her blues eyes. The look caused Lexa's stomach to drop, but in a very pleasant way, and she smiled as she took her cup from Clarke with a nod of thanks.  
  
Bellamy interrupted the moment as Jasper walked back to the circle, carrying a number of drinks.  
  
“Alright, time to get back to the game,” he stated, as Jasper handed the drinks out, before sitting down.  
  
Wells reached forward, and the game continued. Wells pulled a nine, and had everyone rhyme with the word “book.” They were able to go around the circle twice, and started a third round before Monty gave up, hissed like a snake, and then drank. Jasper pulled an eight, laughed evilly, and chose Raven as his mate, knowing that that would also make Finn drink any time he did. Monty drew a five, and all of the guys plus Raven drank, everyone remembering to make an animal noise. Finally it was Lexa's turn again, and she reached forward, flipping over a jack.  
  
“Oo, Lexa, truth or dare?” Raven asked, and everyone else leaned forward a bit, waiting to hear what she would pick.  
  
“Dare,” Lexa stated simply, not willing to back down from this challenge.  
  
A few people grinned, clearly impressed she had chosen dare, and Octavia even exclaimed, “Oh we've got a competitor over here! Anyone got any ideas for a dare for the newby?”  
  
For a moment nobody said anything, clearly trying to come up with a good dare for the person they knew the least in the circle, but then Raven's grin grew, and Lexa turned her gaze to the other girl.  
  
“I've got one,” she stated, and everyone else turned their attention to her before she said to Lexa, “I dare you to take a body shot off of Clarke.”  
  
Everyone else in the circle started laughing and nodding, but Lexa froze. She had absolutely no problem with doing the dare, but she felt as though perhaps she was suddenly a bit too eager at the idea. She had never done a body shot before, but she understood the basic concept of it, and the idea of being that close to Clarke's bare skin may make her do something that she really shouldn't in front of all of these people.  
  
“Uh, excuse you,” Clarke interrupted the laughter, looking at Raven, and everyone including Lexa turned their attention to the blonde. “Do you see the dress I'm wearing?” she asked, her eyebrows raised as she gestured to the blue dress she still wore, “There is no possible way to do a body shot off of me, unless you expect me to strip out of it completely, which I am so not doing in front of all of you pervs.”  
  
Raven rolled her eyes at Clarke before telling her, “Yeah, and you couldn't just change out of that dress. But fine, if you want to be that way,” and then she turned her attention back to Lexa and informed her, “Then I dare you to let Clarke take a body shot off of you, Lexa.”  
  
“Why am I the sole focus of the body shot?” Clarke wanted to know, still glaring at Raven, who then raised her eyebrows at the blonde, not unlike Clarke had just done.  
  
“Oh please Clarke,” Raven said, “Everyone in this room _other_ than Lexa has taken _at least_ one body shot off of you. Why suddenly the problem with it?”  
  
“Nice, way to make me sound like a slut Raven,” Clarke grumbled, and then informed her, ignoring her question, “Besides, maybe Lexa isn't comfortable with this. This is the first time she's ever hung out with us, remember; she may not want to strip for you pervs either.”  
  
“I'll do it,” Lexa interrupted, before Raven could respond, and everyone turned to her.  
  
“You will? Awesome!” Jasper exclaimed, pumping his fist in the air, “Lexa, you are awesome!”  
  
Clarke rolled her eyes at him before saying, “Jasper, you are way too excited for this.” She then turned her attention to Lexa and told her, “You don't have to, you know. We can come up with another dare, if you'd rather.”  
  
Lexa turned her gaze on Clarke, and Clarke had to keep herself from smiling and shaking her head when she saw the look in Lexa's eyes. She very clearly had no intention of backing down from this dare, and she could tell the brunette was going to enjoy herself.  
  
“I have no reason to refuse this dare, Clarke,” Lexa informed her, a smirk barely touching the corners of her lips, but Clarke could tell it was there none-the-less, “I have nothing against you taking a body shot off of me. It is just a dare.”  
  
Clarke grinned, and then shook her head so that the others wouldn't see the slight blush that she felt on her cheeks. If any of them did see it, she figured she could always blame the alcohol that she could feel clouding her mind, and not the intense sexual desire she felt at the idea of her lips and tongue being anywhere near Lexa's bare stomach. Instead of letting her mind focus on this image, she jumped up, and headed for the kitchen.  
  
“Alright,” she said as she walked away, “But if we're doing this, then we're doing this right.”  
  
She walked into the kitchen, and went to a cupboard and pulled out the bottle of tequila that Monty had brought for her. She had hidden it away so that it wouldn't get mixed up with the other booze, but now she needed it. After grabbing the booze, she moved to the fridge and opened it, grabbing an orange. She pulled one of the knives out of the knife block, and quickly cut the orange into slices. Finally, before heading back into the living room, she grabbed the salt off of the table.  
  
As she walked back into the living room, she held up her many prizes and exclaimed, “ _Now_ we can do a body shot!”  
  
Octavia scoffed when she saw the fruit.  
  
“An orange Clarke?” she asked, raising one eyebrow at the blonde, and the blonde shrugged.  
  
“Well I don't have any limes!” Clarke replied, “Maybe if you guys had _warned_ me about this gathering tonight, I could have got some in anticipation!”  
  
Raven flipped her hand, clearly not thinking it important.  
  
“It's an orange, whatever. Time to body shot!” she exclaimed, a huge grin on her face.  
  
Clarke sat back next to Lexa and said to her, “Last chance to back out,” but Lexa just gave her a look, causing her to laugh. “Alright, fine, let's do this then. I take it you've probably never done a body shot before?” she asked, and Lexa shook her head. “Okay, well it's pretty easy. Just lay back and, uh, lift your shirt up.” Clarke blushed again slightly, feeling all of the eyes on her as she talked with Lexa. Normally she was more than happy to tell Lexa to take her shirt off, but usually there weren't eight pair of eyes staring at her when she did it. The blush only grew as Lexa grabbed the hem of the two shirts she wore, and lifted them over her head, removing them completely, never breaking eye contact with Clarke. She heard a few of the guys whistle, appreciating Lexa's bare skin as she sat in front of everyone with only a sexy black bra covering her chest. Clarke almost growled, not liking the idea of others having the same thoughts _she_ was busy having about Lexa, but she contained the noise before it slipped out. Instead she just clenched her jaw tightly, and then glared slightly at Lexa when the smirk appeared on the other girl's lips. She could tell that Clarke didn't like others seeing her like that, and it was only egging her on.  
  
“What's next, Clarke?” Lexa asked her, her voice dripping with innocence as her total attention was on the blonde next to her.  
  
_Two can play at this game_ , Clarke thought, and then smirked herself before telling Lexa, “Just lay back.”  
  
Lexa raised her eyebrows ever so slightly at Clarke's smirk, but laid back down on the floor. Clarke handed her a wedge of the orange, and told her, “Hold this in your mouth.” She did so, as Clarke used the salt to draw a thin line down her toned abs. As soon as the line of salt was in place, Clarke grabbed the tequila and unscrewed the cap. For a moment she debated whether she should tell Lexa what was going to happen, but the smirk was still on Lexa's lips and in her eyes, so Clarke decided not to. Suddenly she poured a bit of the tequila in Lexa's bellybutton, a small amount of it overflowing and running down the brunette's stomach, causing her to shudder ever so slightly at the cool sensation. Immediately Clarke bent over the other girl's body, her tongue darting out at the line of salt and dragging quickly along Lexa's skin, before she moved to her bellybutton and began sucking the alcohol from the small indentation. She could feel Lexa's muscles flex under her touch, and Clarke grinned, wanting to tease her more. She sucked all of the alcohol out of the bellybutton, and then dragged her tongue down the side of Lexa's stomach slowly where the alcohol had ran down her skin. Her eyes were closed, but she didn't need to see to know exactly what Lexa looked like as she shivered beneath the blonde's tongue. Between the taste of the tequila and the taste of Lexa's skin, Clarke was completely intoxicated and loving every moment of it. Only when she could no longer taste the tequila at all did Clarke remove her lips and tongue from the brunette's skin, only to hover up her body until she got to Lexa's head. She opened her eyes and saw Lexa staring up at her, and Clarke smirked before leaning down and taking the orange from the other girl's mouth, her lips barely brushing Lexa's. The contact was minor, but after the work Clarke's tongue had done on Lexa's stomach, it was enough to cause both girls to shudder slightly and desperately want more.  
  
Unfortunately, that want would have to wait, as a voice behind them reminded them they were not alone.  
  
“Damn, that's hot,” they heard Jasper whisper, and they broke apart, not needing to put on any more of a show for the others in the room than they already had.  
  
Clarke moved back to her spot in the circle, immediately missing the contact she'd had with Lexa, but as Lexa sat up, she scooted closer to Clarke so that their legs were touching. She hid the movement by reaching behind her and grabbing her shirts before pulling them back on, but Clarke knew that the movement was purposeful and she couldn't stop the grin from forming on her lips. Let everyone else in the circle think it was from taking the body shot; she knew that Lexa wanted to be touching her, and that was enough for her to feel like she was flying on cloud nine.  
  
“And now Clarke has officially taken a body shot off of every person in this room,” Octavia stated and then turned to Lexa and told her, “You are now officially a member of the group, Lexa. Congrats.”  
  
Lexa chuckled slightly, before saying, “Yours is an easy group to join, then. I thank you.”  
  
Clarke's grin grew, and then she reached out and flipped a card, continuing with the game. She drew a queen, and laughed, turning to Octavia and telling her, “Sorry O, looks like I'm the Question Master now.”  
  
Octavia frowned, and then shrugged.  
  
“I only got one person anyway. Maybe you'll do better,” she told Clarke, and Clarke laughed.  
  
Lincoln reached forward and flipped a king.  
  
“Yes, no more animal noises!” Jasper exclaimed, making Bellamy glare at him and Clarke laugh again.  
  
“See Bellamy,” she said to him, “It's not so easy to come up with a good rule, is it?”  
  
Bellamy turned his glare to her, and told her, “Keep laughing, Griffin. I'll get you.”  
  
Octavia turned to Clarke and asked her, “Clarke, does that count as answering your question?”  
  
Bellamy's eyes widened and he exclaimed, “No! I did not answer her question!”  
  
Everyone else started laughing, Clarke and Octavia the loudest of them all.  
  
“Uh, yes, yes I think that does count, Octavia,” Clarke finally said, after her laughter had died down, and then she turned to Bellamy and told him, “Drink, Bellamy Blake.”  
  
He glared at her again, and then huffed before turning to Lincoln and asked him, “Fine, what's the new rule?”  
  
Lincoln smiled and raised his eyebrows slightly as he turned to Bellamy and informed him, “From now on, before a person drinks, they have to say, 'My fight is over!'”  
  
This caused everyone to start laughing again, and though Lexa wasn't entirely sure why it was funny, she too laughed. Clearly they were all getting to the point in the evening where the alcohol just made everything seem funny.  
  
Bellamy grinned and raised his cup, declaring, “My fight is over!” and then took a long swig of his drink.  
  
“Good rule, Lincoln,” Finn said, grinning as Bellamy took his drink.  
  
Many of the others murmured their agreement, and then the game continued as Octavia pulled a four, and quickly everyone's hands went to the floor, Jasper's rather purposefully hitting the floor last. He grinned as Raven and Finn both glared at him, knowing that he had done that on purpose so that they would have to drink too. He raised his cup and waited for them to do so too, before they all exclaimed together, “My fight is over!” All three of them then tipped their heads back, and took a gulp of their drinks.  
  
Octavia laughed at them before saying, “Jasper, you so did that on purpose!”  
  
Putting his cup on the floor, Jasper grinned, and then told her, “You can't prove anything!”  
  
This made her laugh again, and made Finn and Raven glare at him once more, as Bellamy reach over and drew a six.  
  
“Ha! Six to chicks!” he declared, and then looked at Finn and added, “And you, Finn.”  
  
Finn frowned as he reach for the cup he had just put down and said, “Why does this game suddenly seem very one-sided?”  
  
Raven quickly pecked his cheek before she told him, “Quit complaining babe, and drink!”  
  
Finn, Raven, Octavia, Clarke and Lexa all raised their cups and shouted, “My fight is over!” before each taking a drink from their cups. As soon as Raven's cup was on the floor, she reached out and turned over a two. Looking around the circle, she grinned when she remembered that Clarke and Lexa were mated together, so she pointed at Lexa and said, “Two to you, Lexa! Drink!”  
  
Lexa and Clarke both grinned, and then raised their cups to each other, and said in unison, “Our fight is over!” before they clinked their cups together, and then each took a large swallow.  
  
Finn pulled a nine from the pile, and started the rhyme off with the word, “Floor,” and they made it around the circle once, and then the second time it got to Jasper he just raised his cup and looked at Finn and Raven and exclaimed, “My fight is over!” Finn and Raven both grumbled out, “My fight is over,” before they followed him in taking a drink.  
  
As he put his cup back on the floor, Jasper sighed and said, “You know, it's good to be the head of the mating group.”  
  
Raven and Finn both just flipped him off, making him laugh, as Wells turned over a three, grinned as he said, “My fight with my non-alcoholic drink is over,” and then took a drink as everyone else grinned and shook their heads.  
  
Jasper reached out and turned over a ten.  
  
“Oh yeah! Types of video game consoles!” he exclaimed, “PS3!”  
  
Monty continued with “Xbox,” and they continued around the circle. Wells was the first one unable to name a type of video game system that hadn't already been said, as he wasn't really one for playing video games, so he just grinned again and said, “Again, my fight is over,” before taking another drink of his soda.  
  
Monty drew a seven, and everyone's hands flew up to the air, Octavia's being the last to get there.  
  
She shrugged and then grinned, raising her cup and toasting with, “My fight is over!”  
  
As she took a swig of her drink, Lexa pulled a three, and then turned to Clarke and raised her cup, saying, “My fight is over!”  
  
Clarke grinned, remembering she was still mated to Lexa, and raised her own cup, exclaiming, “My fight is also over!” The two then drank together, both smiling as they put their cups back down.  
  
Clarke pulled a queen again, and laughed before saying, “Alright, I'm still the Question Master.”  
  
Lincoln drew an ace, and then grinned as everyone raised their cups together and all exclaimed, “Our fight is over!” and then he began to drink, Octavia following suit, and so on down the line. He wasn't as mean as Finn had been, and only kept his cup to his lips for a few moments, but then Octavia grinned as her cup stayed at her lips, and she turned to her brother, clearly specifically keeping the cup to her mouth to make him drink. He glared at her until she finally lowered her cup, but then he didn't put his down either for another moment, also wanting to make everyone keep drinking. By the time everyone before her had lowered their cups, Lexa's drink was gone, and she could definitely feel her limbs getting loose, the alcohol certainly taking affect.  
  
“All gone,” she said to Clarke as the other girl lowered her cup as well, and she handed her empty cup to the blonde.  
  
Clarke laughed, taking the cup, then asked her, “How're you feeling there, Lexa?”  
  
Lexa grinned before telling her, “Quite good.”  
  
Clarke stood up, and then held her hand out, saying to the brunette, “Why don't you come help me make your next drink? Walking around a bit will make you feel even better.”  
  
Lexa nodded, and then took the offered hand, and Clarke helped her to stand up. As she moved towards the table where the alcohol and sodas still sat, she could definitely tell what Clarke had meant. Sitting down in the circle, her body just felt a bit like it was all loose, but standing up and moving, she felt a little bit like she was floating. Her finger tips tingled lightly, and her grin grew. She kind of liked this new feeling. Normally she didn't let her true feelings and thoughts register on her face, preferring instead to keep it all locked inside, but right now she didn't care.  
  
Clarke noticed the change as they reached the table.  
  
“You're grinning,” she informed the brunette, a smile small on her own lips.  
  
“I am,” Lexa agreed happily, and Clarke's smile grew.  
  
“I like it,” she informed the taller girl, as she reached out and began making Lexa a new drink. “You don't smile all that often, or at least, not when other people are around. I love your smile.”  
  
Lexa could feel her heart begin beating a bit faster, and she knew that Clarke too must be feeling the alcohol in her system to be speaking so openly with others just on the other side of the room.  
  
“You do?” she asked quietly, not wanting to draw attention to them, but also not wanting the conversation to stop.  
  
Clarke nodded before looking up at Lexa, and Lexa saw the same look Clarke had given her earlier shining in her blue eyes.  
  
“Yeah,” she confessed, her pink cheeks changing to a slightly deeper pink as she spoke. “When you smile, your eyes smile too. That probably doesn't make much sense and just sounds like drunk talk, but it's true. You don't smile a lot, but when you do, you smile with your whole face. I like that a lot.”  
  
“Oh,” Lexa said, a bit dumbstruck at Clarke's words, but then she looked down almost shyly and whispered, “I really like it when you smile too. Your smile is so... beautiful. Just like you.”  
  
Her words made Clarke blush even more, but a small smile played on her lips even as Lexa looked up at her. Instead of saying anything, Clarke just handed the other girl her new drink, their fingers lingering as they touched. They only stayed that way for a moment, but to each of them the moment was a long one, and meant everything.  
  
Finally however, Clarke let her hand drop away, and then she turned away and took a couple of steps back towards the group before looking over her shoulder, smiling at Lexa, and gesturing for the other girl to join her. Lexa's smile grew, and she hurried to catch up with Clarke, and then the two rejoined the group together.  
  
As they sat down, Finn was in the middle of taking a drink, and Wells was waiting for him to finish before he turned over a card. Clarke leaned forward towards Octavia and asked her, “So what did we miss?”  
  
Octavia turned to her and raised her eyebrows at the blonde, not saying anything. Clarke looked at her curiously, and Lexa laughed before saying, “Octavia, I know that Clarke is the Question Master still, but would you mind telling me what she and I missed?”  
  
Octavia smiled at Lexa before saying, “Of course, Lexa, I would be happy to answer _your_ question. All you missed was another category, which was school subjects, another three, a jack, and an eight. Bellamy got the eight and has mated with Jasper.”  
  
“Who got the jack, and what did they choose?” Lexa asked.  
  
“Raven did, and she chose truth,” Octavia said, rolling her eyes, clearly unimpressed with Raven's choice. “Bellamy asked her who was better, him or Finn, and she glared at him and said Finn was, though Bell thinks she's lying cause she's dating him again. I guarantee later on there will be tears and yelling because Bellamy just had to bring that all up.”  
  
Clarke rolled her eyes.  
  
“Oh great,” she groaned, “Not again.”  
  
Octavia nodded, simply saying, “Yep, again. Guarantee. When it happens, I say we push Bell in the pool for being the idiot who brought it up.”  
  
“Works for me,” Clarke agreed, and then turned to Lexa, whose confusion was apparent on her face. “After Finn broke up with Raven last year, she and Bellamy slept together once. It was just the one time, and only cause she was upset, but when Finn found out after they got back together, he was pissed. Not that he had any right to be, since he broke up with her, but still. It's still a sore subject, so when it gets brought up, there's almost always yelling and tears,” she informed the brunette.  
  
“Ah,” Lexa said, “Fun.”  
  
Clarke laughed at the other girl's sarcasm.  
  
“Yeah, not really,” she said, but then they turned their attention back to the game as Wells finally flipped over his card, showing another six. All of the girls (and Finn) raised their cups and exclaimed, “My fight is over!” before taking a long sip from their drinks. Jasper turned over a four, and everyone threw their hands to the floor, and this time it was Lincoln who got there last. He raised his cup, saying, “My fight is over,” and then took a long drink. Monty turned a card over, and laughed when he saw it was a seven, and they all immediately threw their hands up over their head, Clarke being the late one this time. She grinned and declared, “My fight is over!” before she too took a long sip of her drink. Lexa waited for her to finish, and then she turned a card over, to find a two. Immediately she pointed at Bellamy, and simply said, “You.”  
  
Bellamy grinned while Raven and Finn groaned, and Jasper laughed, all four of them raising their cups. Together they cried, “My fight is over,” and then all took a drink.  
  
Clarke flipped over an ace, and then grinned, saying, “The last waterfall. Our fight is over!”  
  
Everyone echoed, “Our fight is over!” and then they all drank. Clarke didn't have a ton left in her cup, so she wasn't able to keep it going for very long, but as it reached Octavia and Bellamy, they both chose to keep the cups to their lips for a while after the person before them had lowered their cups, so by the time Lexa, back at the end of the line, was able to lower her cup, at least half of her brand new drink was gone. She shook her head, the weightless feeling of her limbs growing slightly.  
  
Clarke watched her as she moved, grinning.  
  
“Lexa, you're drunk,” she stated, and Lexa looked up at her, grinning also.  
  
“Yes,” she agreed easily, “Yes I am Clarke.”  
  
Clarke laughed, and then told her, “After the game's done, we'll make sure you eat some chips or something. You don't want to be hung over tomorrow.”  
  
“Bah, Clarke!” Jasper exclaimed from his spot in the circle, “That's no fun! Let her get the full experience!”  
  
Clarke glared at him, but Octavia cut her off before she could reply.  
  
“Jasper, she really doesn't need to experience a hang over tomorrow,” she told him, rolling her eyes at him, “Just because you go so hard that you can barely move in the morning, doesn't mean Lexa needs to, especially on her first time. So leave her alone.”  
  
Jasper simply flipped his hand at her, saying, “Psh, wimps,” but then he let the subject drop.  
  
Lincoln reached forward and grabbed a card, but when he turned it over, everyone started laughing.  
  
“That's the last king, Lincoln,” Octavia exclaimed, grinning. She reached forward and grabbed the cup in the center of the circle and held it out to him. “You get the King's Cup; congratulations! Here you go!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the wait everyone! I hope this chapter is worth the wait. Feel free to let me know your thoughts, and I hope you enjoy!


	6. Chapter 6

Lincoln reached out and took the King's Cup from Octavia, sighing.  
  
“Well, here we go,” Lincoln said, “My fight is really over,” and he tipped his head back and took a long swig of the drink. He stopped, shuddered, and then took another long swig.  
  
“How is it, Lincoln?” Finn asked, a large dopey grin on his face.  
  
He finished the second swig, and then contemplated the drink. Finally he informed them, “You know, not bad. It's definitely strong, but I've had much worse.”  
  
Octavia grinned and then grabbed the drink from him and took a swallow for herself. She frowned, and then nodded as she gave the drink back, saying, “Yeah, not bad. Just having two kinds of liquor makes a good King's Cup.”  
  
“Alright, so what now?” Raven asked, leaning on Finn, “The game's over, so what do we want to do now?”  
  
Everyone seemed to think for a moment, before a large grin broke out on Clarke's face, and everyone turned to her.  
  
“I think what we need now is a little movement,” she informed them, “King's is fun, but it's way to still. I say we break out Just Dance.”  
  
Raven, Octavia and Monty cheered, while Bellamy and Jasper groaned.  
  
“Aww come on, really?” Bellamy exclaimed, “Do we seriously have to dance now?”  
  
Clarke was already standing up, and stuck her tongue out at Bellamy, making Octavia laugh and Lincoln grin as he took another drink from the King's Cup.  
  
“Yes, we do seriously have to dance now,” the blonde replied, moving over to the TV and a small cabinet that was beneath it. “We've all been drinking, but not moving. It's time to crank up this party and get moving!”  
  
“Yeah, come on Bell, I'll kick your ass at Just Dance, just like I kicked your ass in the pool!” Octavia exclaimed, jumping up as well and starting to stretch to get ready.  
  
Lexa stood up too, a small grin on her face. She had perked up when she heard Clarke mention dance. She had always loved dancing, and had been taking various dance lessons for years, to the point where she was now teaching a couple of lessons at the studio she practiced at. She knew that Clarke knew that, and wondered if that was one of the reasons why Clarke had mentioned the new game idea. When Clarke turned around after getting the game all set up, she saw the look in Clarke's eyes and had a feeling that she had definitely chosen the game so that she could watch Lexa dance. The thought made her grin wider.  
  
“Which one did you put in, Clarke?” Raven asked, getting up also and starting to push one of the chairs even further back so that there was even more room to move around.  
  
“I figured we'd start with Just Dance 2,” Clarke replied, and then held out two Wii remotes. “Who wants to go first?” she asked, and Raven took one, and Octavia took the other.  
  
“We will,” Raven said, and then she turned to Finn and added, “And after one with us, I want to dance with you.”  
  
Finn just shrugged, knowing better to fight it.  
  
“Yeah, alright, I'll dance,” he told her, before standing up and falling down on the chair she had just moved.  
  
Octavia turned to Bellamy and informed him, “And then I challenge you, bro. I will kick your ass.”  
  
“We'll see about that,” Bellamy muttered, flopping down on the couch after he and Lincoln pushed it back.  
  
Lexa also sat on the couch, with Lincoln between her and Bellamy, and Clarke moved to sit on the arm of the couch, leaning against her slightly. Wells moved back to the chair he had been sitting in, and Jasper and Monty moved back to sit between the two chairs to get out of the way of the dancers. Raven, as the person with the first controller, turned on the game and guided it through until they got to the song list. It took the two girls awhile to decide on a song, but finally they did, choosing to dance to _Proud Mary_. They spread out a bit so that they wouldn't hit each other, and then the song started, and they began to follow the icons on the screen, trying to move their bodies the same way the icons did.  
  
Considering how much alcohol they had drank, Lexa had to give them credit; they didn't do too terribly. Nevertheless, as they moved and began to really get into it, everybody started laughing, including the two of them. To say their coordination was lacking would have been an understatement, and it was clear that they were only doing this to have fun, and not to actually be good dancers. Lexa would have liked to see what Octavia could do when she was sober, as she had a bit of skill there, but Raven was all over the place, clearly just trying to match the Wii remote to the action. By the end of the song, they were both laughing so hard they were barely matching the movements at all, but Lexa figured at this point it didn't matter that much. As the song came to an end, it was clear to see that Octavia was the victor.  
  
“Yes, another win!” she exclaimed, pumping her fist in the air, her breathing slightly heavy, “Good try Raven, but nobody beats me!”  
  
Raven rolled her eyes, a smile on her face nevertheless.  
  
“Whatever,” she said, and then turned to Finn, grinning, and added, “But now it's you and me, and I will so kick your ass!”  
  
Finn grinned, standing up and taking the remote from Octavia, who moved over to sit on the other arm of the couch, and said to Raven, “Yep, you probably will, so let's get this over with.”  
  
Raven chuckled, and then turned back to the TV, choosing a song for the two of them to dance to. She ended up choosing _Satisfaction_ , which made Finn laugh, and then the song started.  
  
If Raven had little dance talent, then Finn had none. Lexa watched him jerk around, and laughed along with everyone else. He was really getting into it and trying though, so Lexa had to give him that. Still, with the way he jerked his arms around, she was a little afraid he was going to hurt himself.  
  
Clarke leaned down and said to her quietly, “Some dancers, huh?”  
  
Lexa looked up at her, grinning, and replied, “I'm a little worried he's going to hurt himself.”  
  
“You're going to show us all how it's done, huh?” Clarke asked, raising her eyebrows at Lexa, and Lexa laughed.  
  
“Perhaps later,” Lexa told her, “I have to size up my competition first. You all have the advantage of having played this before with each other.”  
  
Clarke just shook her head, smiling.  
  
“I've seen you dance before, Lexa,” she finally said, “Trust me, you have no competition in this room. You'll blow any of us away.”  
  
Lexa's grin grew, and then she shrugged, saying, “Yes well, I still like to see what I'm up against first.”  
  
Clarke just shook her head again, and then they turned their attention back to Finn and Raven, who were just finishing their song. Raven had clearly won, though Finn had held his own. As they finished up, Octavia jumped back up, and then grabbed her brother's shoulder, trying to pull him up.  
  
“Alright Bell, you and me, let's go,” she said, trying to drag him up.  
  
He rolled his eyes, but then finally stood up, groaning.  
  
“Fine,” he said, “I'll dance with you. But I get to pick the song!”  
  
Octavia grinned, and gave him the first controller, giving him control over what song to choose. He scrolled through the entire list, and then finally landed on a song entitled _Rasputin_ , a song that Lexa had never heard of before. She figured it must be a good one though, because a number of people started laughing when he chose it, and Octavia just shook her head, though the grin never left her lips. As soon as the song began though, Lexa understood what the laughter was about, and she began laughing too. The song was some sort of Russian dance, complete with hand clapping and jumping, and watching Octavia and Bellamy attempting to match all of the moves was nothing if not comical. Overall they both did very well, and it was a pretty close dance, but in the end, Octavia won by a couple hundred points.  
  
“Ha!” she exclaimed, “That's twice tonight I've beaten you, Bell! You must be off your game, bro.”  
  
Bellamy rolled his eyes, and informed her, “Yeah, but it was just at swimming and a stupid dance game. Give me a basketball or a soccer ball and I'll kick your ass.”  
  
Octavia was about to say something else, but just then Clarke jumped up, and grabbed the remote from Bellamy.  
  
“Alright O, someone's gotta bring you down a peg or two, so I'll challenge you,” she stated, smiling at Octavia, who immediately latched on to the challenge.  
  
“Bring it, Griffin,” she replied, turning her full attention back to the game and forgetting about her brother's challenge.  
  
Clarke scrolled through the list of songs on the game, and finally chose _Toxic_. The two girls posed like the image on the screen, and then immediately began moving as the song started.  
  
Lexa was only just able to stop her jaw from dropping slightly as the song began and Clarke, who of course happened to be standing right in front of her, began swaying to the music, her hips moving in a very teasing manner. It only figured that Clarke had chosen a very sexual song to dance to, and the way her body was moving, Lexa's fingers itched to be touching her.  
  
She could tell Clarke knew what she was doing to the brunette too, with how she would take an unnecessary step backwards every now and then. To everyone else, Lexa was sure it just looked as though she was stumbling and getting her balance so as not to fall, but Lexa knew better. Every step back brought the blonde closer to her, which only made it harder not to reach out and pull her into her lap and kiss her hard.  
  
Finally the song came to an end, and Lexa was finally able to tear her gaze from Clarke's behind to look on the screen and see that Clarke had won by quite a bit.  
  
Clarke grinned, and turned to Octavia and informed her, “Looks like your winning streak is over, O.”  
  
Octavia glared at Clarke, and said, “Another one. Best two out of three.”  
  
Clarke laughed and then nodded before she handed Octavia her remote, saying, “Fine. I'll even let the loser choose the song.”  
  
Octavia clenched her jaw, but grabbed the remote, and rushed through the songs, finally settling on _Jump_. Clarke grinned, and tightened the remote that Octavia had handed her when she took the first one around her wrist. This time when the song started, Lexa saw that each girl had her own figure to follow, rather than both following the same one. She immediately saw why Clarke had chosen to tighten the strap around her wrist, as the characters began actually jumping almost as soon as the song started. This song was less sexy than the previous, but no less rigorous. Before they had finished with just the first chorus, both girls were breathing heavily, though neither girl showed any inclination of giving up or even just toning it down. In fact, as the song continued, Lexa thought they both picked up the energy, neither one wanting to give the other girl any kind of advantage. Lexa was impressed, and even though neither of them had the skill of a professional dancer, they both were able to hold their own with the game. It was another close one, but as the song finished, Clarke once again came out with a higher score than Octavia.  
  
“And that's two out of three,” Clarke exclaimed, breathing heavily, her hands bracing themselves on her knees as she bent over to try to catch her breath.  
  
Octavia shook her head, fanning herself with one hand before she grinned and said, “Alright, I concede; you win, Clarke. I'll get you later though. Right now I gotta go get some air; I'm fucking roasting.”  
  
Clarke nodded, saying, “I'll come with you; I could use some fresh air myself. Who's next?”  
  
She held out the remote, detaching the string from her wrist before Raven jumped up and grabbed it from her, exclaiming, “I think it's time Finn and Bellamy danced against each other!”  
  
Everyone agreed, and Bellamy and Finn groaned, but they both got up and took the remotes from Octavia and Raven. As soon as the remote was out of her hand, Octavia grabbed Clarke by the arm, and they headed out towards the kitchen. Clarke turned to Lexa before they left and looked at her questioningly, hoping the other girl would be alright without her for a few minutes. Lexa saw the look and nodded, smiling, telling her that she would be fine.  
  
After that, Clarke let Octavia pull her out of the living room, and into the kitchen. They got to the sliding door, and opened it, sighing as the cool night air hit them. They stepped out onto the porch, and Clarke closed the door partially, leaving it open a bit so that the air might cool it down inside a bit. They then moved over to the steps and sat down, enjoying the night and finally starting to cool off after the very intense dancing. Octavia leaned back, looking up at the stars, and Clarke copied the movement, loving that the night sky was completely clear and full of stars.  
  
“Just cause you beat me this time Griffin, don't expect it to happen often,” Octavia joked, elbowing Clarke.  
  
The other girl just laughed and shook her head.  
  
“Whatever you say, Octavia,” she replied, “I am happy to kick your butt at Just Dance any day.”  
  
“Not gonna happen, Griffin,” Octavia told her, and then she looked over at Clarke who was smiling, still looking up at the stars. “You look really happy,” she stated, smiling softly at her best friend.  
  
Clarke's smile just grew, and without taking her eyes from the stars, she informed the other girl, “I really am.”  
  
Octavia paused for a moment, debating whether or not to bring something up that had been on her mind all evening. She looked at Clarke, so happy in that moment, and decided to just go with it, and hope it worked out for the best.  
  
“That happiness wouldn't have anything to do with Lexa, would it Clarke?” she asked, and she saw Clarke's eyes widen a bit, and her smile fall away.  
  
“What... What do you mean?” Clarke replied, refusing to look at the other girl.  
  
Octavia sighed, not wanting to play this game that Clarke had been playing for weeks now.  
  
“Come on Clarke, I'm not stupid; I know something's going on with you two. If I hadn't already figured it out before, then seeing you two lip-locking after Bellamy and I raced tonight sure would have peaked my interest,” she informed the other girl, and then when Clarke looked at her in a panic, she raised her hands and told her, “Don't worry, I was the only one who saw it; everyone else had already gone back to the living room by then. Though I'm pretty sure Lincoln knows something's up. Anya's mentioned to him about Lexa acting strange, and I think he's noticed you acting weird too. If he hasn't put it together yet, I bet he does soon. I haven't said anything to him though. I wanted to talk to you first. So won't you talk to me?”  
  
When Clarke didn't say anything for a few moments, Octavia sighed.  
  
“Look Clarke,” she continued, “I'm not trying to out you; really. I just want you to know that I'm here for you, and I won't judge you. Ever. You're my best friend. You've been my best friend since the fourth grade. There's nothing you can do that will change how I feel about you. And honestly, I just want you to be happy. And I can tell that Lexa makes you happy.” She smiled, then continued with, “I swear, for the past few weeks, I don't think I've ever seen you happier. I catch you smiling all the time when you're staring off into space, and I assume you are thinking about her. You hum when you think no one's listening, and you're just generally in a great mood. And seeing you so happy makes me happy. And Lexa seems pretty awesome. I mean, Lincoln's told me a little about her, and then hanging out with her tonight, I can see why you like her.”  
  
“She's amazing,” Clarke whispered, finally saying something, and Octavia smiled, glad that Clarke was finally opening up. Clarke didn't know if it was due to the alcohol that was still very much clouding her judgement, but she suddenly couldn't stay quiet. “She's just... Amazing,” she continued slowly, confidence growing as she spoke. “She's so smart, and beautiful, and she doesn't take any crap from anyone. She knows who she is, and is never afraid to be herself. I... admire her for that. She's just... so strong, and even though she doesn't show it much, she cares so deeply for the people who matter to her.”  
  
“Yeah, I wouldn't want to get on her bad side,” Octavia agreed, “She definitely seems like someone who could kick ass if ever needed.”  
  
“But at the same time, she's so gentle,” Clarke said, “When we were first... starting out... she never pushed. She could tell that I wasn't comfortable, and she never tried to rush things, or do more than I was ready to.”  
  
“How did it start?” Octavia asked, curious. “I mean, it seemed just kinda... sudden, you know? I don't remember you two ever really spending any time together, and then you two were just... sneaking off to the bathroom together.”  
  
Clarke chuckled.  
  
“So you knew about that, huh?” she asked, and Octavia grinned.  
  
“You can't pull anything over on me, Clarke,” she replied, “You should know that by now. I knew you were sneaking off to meet someone during those times, though it did take me some time to narrow down the possibilities. Lexa's been on my list for a little while now, but over the past week or two I was pretty sure it was her. I am very happy to know that I was right.”  
  
Clarke chuckled again before telling her, “You're a real detective, O.”  
  
Octavia waited a moment, and then insisted, “So?”  
  
Clarke sighed and laid back, her back now resting on the porch so that she could look up at the sky without straining her neck. Octavia laid back beside her, as Clarke started her story.  
  
“You remember over the summer, when I was working at that summer camp?” she began, and Octavia nodded. “Well, it turns out, Lexa got a job at Camp Ark too. I was a lifeguard and a counselor for one of the cabins, and she was a dance instructor, and a counselor for another cabin. At first we didn't interact a whole lot, but before long the different cabins were paired up for all kinds of activities, and her cabin and mine were always paired together. Sometimes we had to compete against each other, and other times we had to work together to beat the other groups. After the first week or so of spending time together, we found that we actually had some things in common. She was really quiet at first, but eventually I got her to open up, and when we began talking, it just became really easy. I don't know, it was like... like I was talking to you sometimes, or to Raven, or Bellamy. After that initial quiet, things were never really weird with us, we just... fit, some how.  
  
I had heard the rumor around school that she was gay, and I had been starting to notice that I... you know... would sometimes... _appreciate_ a good-looking lady, but I had never let myself really think about it until she and I started talking. As we spent time together, all I wanted to do was spend more time with her. During the day when I was supposed to be working, I would find myself thinking about her, and no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't get her out of my head. I started... started focusing more on her lips when she would talk, and I started wondering what it would be like to kiss her. I uh, I really tried to fight that thought for a while, but it just kept coming up, and I couldn't focus on anything else.”  
  
Clarke paused for a moment, and Octavia stayed silent, sensing that Clarke needed the quiet for a moment. She didn't want to push Clarke, and so she just laid there while the blonde got her thoughts in order, staring up at the sky and thinking over everything Clarke had said so far. Finally the other girl continued.  
  
“One night,” Clarke said quietly, “When neither of us were on duty in our cabins, we went for a walk in the woods. We ended up heading down to the lake, where a large rock was that we sat on. We stayed there for a long time, just talking, but all I could think about was kissing her. I remember Lexa was telling me a story, and then all of a sudden I leaned forward and was kissing her. She was really surprised, but let me kiss her.”  
  
Clarke shook her head, a small chuckle coming out of her.  
  
“God, when I realized what I was doing, I think I pulled away so fast that I nearly fell into the lake. I remember telling her not to tell anyone about the kiss, and then I practically ran back to my cabin. I couldn't look at her for a couple of days after that without my face going completely red. I did my best to avoid her, but then the camp director put our cabins together for another activity, and I had to talk to her again. The girls of our cabins had no idea why I could barely maintain eye contact with her when we talked, but luckily they didn't really care, too focused on building a birdhouse, or whatever they were supposed to be doing. I just remember that Lexa finally had to pull me aside and tell me not to worry about it, that she wasn't going to tell anyone what had happened and that we could both just forget about it.”  
  
“I take it you didn't both just forget about it,” Octavia stated as Clarke paused again, and Clarke shook her head.  
  
“No, but I tried,” she replied, “For a couple of days, I tried to pretend I had forgotten about it, and things kind of went back to the way they had been before that night on the rock. But as much as I tried to forget about it, I couldn't. I couldn't get the feeling of her lips out of my mind. Sometimes I could almost feel them on mine, even though Lexa wouldn't be anywhere near me. I realized I wanted to kiss her again, and that realization scared me. A lot. I had never felt that way about anyone before, and you know I had made out with quite a few guys before. Hell, I wasn't even a virgin anymore! I'd slept with a couple of guys too!”  
  
“And a couple of girls,” Octavia added, “Made out, I mean, not slept with. Though yes, those were all just quick drunken kisses that you played up at parties, and most of them were just dares, but still.”  
  
“Okay, yes, a couple of girls too,” Clarke admitted, “But none of them, guys or girls, had ever made me feel like that before. I was just completely distracted by the thought of Lexa, and everything about her. So when she suggested we go on another walk a week or so after the first kiss, I quickly agreed to it. Somehow we ended up on that same rock, and somehow I ended up kissing her again. I remember her telling me that she wouldn't tell anyone about that either, and I knew she was teasing me a little, but I just smiled. I didn't run away that time, though I still asked her to let me leave first so people wouldn't know we had been together.  
  
After that, every night that we were both off-duty, we went to our rock, and would kiss. Sometimes we would talk too, other times we would just spend the whole time with our lips locked together. And then one night we... did more than just some kissing.”  
  
Octavia held up her hand and informed Clarke, “You don't have to tell me the details of that. I think I can put it all together.”  
  
Clarke turned to her and stuck her tongue out at the other girl.  
  
“I wasn't going to tell you the details of that specific night,” she insisted, and Octavia laughed slightly before the blonde continued her story. “After that, I really couldn't lie to myself anymore; I realized that I was... really attracted to Lexa, and didn't want to spend time with anyone else. But camp was pretty much over, and school was starting in just two weeks, and I wasn't ready to actually come out to anyone yet. Lexa understood that, and we agreed to end it, and I hoped that that would be it; I'd go back home, start school again, see some handsome guy and immediately get over her.  
  
But it didn't work like that. Those two weeks before school started were the longest weeks of my life, just because I couldn't see her. I was so ready for the first day of school, and when I finally saw her again, I just wanted to go up to her and kiss her. But I realized I couldn't do that. I couldn't even go up and say hi to her, because no one knew about our time together at camp, which was my idea. So for the first week or so of school, I was miserable.”  
  
“I remember that,” Octavia told her, interrupting, “At first I just thought that you hated that summer was over and that you had to be back in classes, but then I remembered that unlike me, you usually actually _like_ school, so then I started wondering what was going on, but you never seemed to want to talk about it, so I didn't bring it up. Soon you were happy again and acting like yourself, so I just figured you'd gotten over whatever funk you'd been in.”  
  
Clarke nodded and said, “That's because I had decided that I couldn't go without seeing Lexa, and so one day I got to school early, and dropped a note in her locker, telling her to meet me in the bathroom during the morning break. I was so afraid that first time that she wouldn't show up, that she would think it was just some stupid prank, but she did show up, and I remember she smiled when she saw me waiting for her. We started meeting in the bathroom at least once a week, and before long I asked her to come to my house at night, so that we could have more time together.”  
  
“Wait, go to your house?” Octavia asked, interrupting. “So do your parents think you've just been hanging out with her? How come your mom never mentioned her when I've been over?”  
  
Clarke blushed slightly before telling her, “My parents never know that she comes over.” When Octavia looked at her quizzically, Clarke cleared her throat and then informed her, “One of Lexa's many talents is her ability to climb trees.”  
  
Octavia thought for a moment, and then remembered that there was a tree that led right up to Clarke's bedroom window. She started laughing suddenly, realizing exactly what Clarke was implying.  
  
“Oh my god, that's perfect!” she exclaimed between laughs, “All this time Lexa's been sneaking into your bedroom at night via tree branch!”  
  
Clarke smiled also, seeing the humor in that.  
  
“Yeah,” she said, “She has. So we've been able to see each other. Not as much as we want, maybe, but some, at least. But sometimes I just really miss those days at camp, when we could spend all of our time together without really worrying whether someone saw us together.”  
  
Octavia rolled over onto her side, using her hand to brace her head as she looked at Clarke.  
  
“Would it really be all that bad if people knew?” she asked, “I mean, like I said, Lexa's great. Your friends won't care; sure, Jasper will make some jokes about how hot it is, and both Wells and Bell will be a bit heartbroken knowing that you're taken, but that's it.”  
  
“I thought you didn't want me and Bellamy together,” Clarke said, raising her eyebrows at the other girl.  
  
“Oh, I don't,” Octavia replied, waving the hand that wasn't holding her head up, “I really don't. I hate that Raven slept with him, I can't even imagine what it would be like if you did, but that doesn't change the fact that I know he would like to sleep with _you_. I mean, hey, you're hot, and you won't deal with his bullshit. To Bell you would be a great one-nighter. Hell, maybe even a couple of nights. But me, I want better for you. Plus I am so tired of hearing people talk about how hot my brother is.” As she finished, Octavia rolled her eyes to emphasis her point, making Clarke laugh.  
  
“Yeah well, I have no desire to sleep with Bellamy,” Clarke informed her, “Even if Lexa wasn't in the picture, he's way too much like my brother; sleeping with him would be way too weird.”  
  
“Oh thank god,” Octavia exclaimed, rolling back on to her back, “You have no idea how happy I am to hear that!” She then rolled back up onto her side, and said, “But anyway, we weren't talking about you and Bellamy, we were talking about you and Lexa, a pairing I like way more. Continue.”  
  
Clarke sighed before going on.  
  
“I don't know why I'm so scared, Octavia,” she confessed quietly. “I mean, I know you guys would all still love me. And my parents...”  
  
“Would still love you too, Clarke,” Octavia informed her, and then when the other girl didn't talk for a long moment, she said, “Come on, you can't actually think they wouldn't. Clarke, your parents love you; of course they would be supportive.”  
  
“I just... I'm not sure,” the blonde whispered.  
  
Octavia sat up, and moved closer to Clarke.  
  
“Clarke, look, I know you have always felt like you had to be the perfect daughter,” she told the blonde, taking her hand. “I don't know if it comes from your mom being a famous doctor and your dad being a famous engineer, or you being an only child or what, but you've always seemed to think that if you weren't perfect, they wouldn't be happy. I know that's why you study so much, and why you work your ass off with literally everything you do, but you're wrong; you don't have to be perfect. Your parents will still love you, even if you get a B on a paper, or don't study as much as you should for a test. And this... what you feel for Lexa... this doesn't make you any less perfect. It doesn't matter whether you like boys or girls or both. Your parents are going to love you no matter what, and they will support you with whatever you choose.”  
  
Clarke bit her lip as she felt the tears fall down the sides of her face.  
  
“You think?” she whispered, and she felt Octavia pull her up by the hand she was holding, until they were sitting at eye level.  
  
Octavia grabbed Clarke by the shoulders and looked into her eyes, and saw the fear that Clarke had been hiding for so long. That fear terrified Octavia; in all of their years of friendship, she had never seen Clarke afraid of anything. Clarke had always been the leader, had always been the one with the plan, and the one to know exactly what to do when someone was hurting. Now Octavia could see that Clarke was the one hurting, and the fear in her eyes was all too real.  
  
“Clarke, listen to me,” Octavia said softly, but forcefully, “You are amazing. You are the strongest person I know. There is literally no doubt in my mind that your parents will still love you just as much as they do now if you tell them that you like Lexa. Your parents love you so much, and nothing you do and no one you love, is ever going to change that. And I love you, you know, and nothing's ever gonna change that, either. You idiot.” She smiled a little as she finished, and Clarke let out a watery laugh, before she hugged Octavia tightly, more tears running down her face.  
  
Octavia held her, knowing that Clarke needed to have this moment to let go of her fears. She rubbed the blonde's back, and made soothing noises, but let the blonde hold her as long as she needed to. Finally Clarke pulled back, wiping the back of her hand across her eyes to clear the tear streaks away.  
  
“Thanks Octavia,” she murmured, smiling slightly at the other girl, “I needed to hear that. Even the idiot part. You're an incredible best friend, and I am really lucky to have you.”  
  
Octavia grinned, and flipped her hand at Clarke, leaning back a bit as she replied, “I know; what would you do without me?” In a more serious tone she added, “You good now?”  
  
Clarke nodded and stood up.  
  
“Yeah, I think I am, actually,” she informed her friend as Octavia stood up also. “I just... I needed to talk to someone about all of that, and you really helped me. But...”  
  
Octavia frowned, and asked, “What?”  
  
Clarke sighed and rubbed her forehead before saying, “Would you mind not telling anyone about this?” When Octavia raised her eyebrows, Clarke added, “I mean not yet. I... I think I'm ready to tell people about me, but I think I should tell my parents first, you know? And then after I talk with them, I'll tell everyone else. I just... I think I owe my parents that much.”  
  
Octavia nodded, grabbing Clarke by the arm and pulling her close so that their arms linked.  
  
“I supposed I can do that,” she agreed, and then she squinted at Clarke's face, making the blonde pull back slightly.  
  
“What?” she asked, not liking the look Octavia was giving her.  
  
“Well, I was just thinking that you might want to sneak to the bathroom before you rejoin the group, if you don't want them to know yet,” she informed the blonde, who looked at her curiously.  
  
“Why?” she asked, not sure where Octavia was going with this.  
  
“Well, cause your tears made your eyeliner run, and you look kinda like a raccoon,” Octavia told her, “So you might want to fix that so that they don't ask any questions. Don't worry, I'll cover ya. If anyone's in the kitchen, you can duck behind me and I'll yell at 'em to leave.”  
  
Clarke groaned and rolled her eyes at Octavia, but she couldn't help the small smile that formed on her lips as she told the girl, “You are so dramatic, O.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really love Octavia, personally. So here it is! A number people have asked how Clexa started out, and now you know! AND now someone officially knows about our wonderful ladies together! I hope you guys enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it! Please let me know your thoughts, and the next chapter will be up soon!


	7. Chapter 7

Octavia and Clarke headed back inside, this time closing the door behind them. As much as she had been joking, Octavia did look inside first, to make sure no one else was in the kitchen, and then called the all-clear for Clarke to follow her. When they got to the doorway, Octavia even stepped in front of Clarke as she quickly turned to her right and headed down the short hallway to the bathroom so that no one would be able to see the blonde as she snuck away.  
  
Clarke was in luck; no one was in the bathroom, and no one was waiting in the hallway, so she was able to slip inside the room without anyone noticing her ruined make-up. She closed the door behind her, locking it, and then turned on the lights and moved towards the sink where a large mirror hung on the wall and took a look at her reflection.  
  
“Alright, so I can understand the raccoon remark now,” she mumbled, before she opened the cabinet underneath the sink and took out some make-up wipes she kept down there. Quickly she used them to get rid of the dark stains on her cheeks, rubbing at her skin roughly to try to make it go faster. She wiped above and under her eyelashes to get the last smudges there, and then nodded at her reflection. While it was obvious she wasn't wearing as much make-up as she had been, there was no longer any proof of her tears, and she doubted anyone would be sober enough to notice the slight difference. She tossed the used wipe in the small waste basket next to the sink, fluffed up her hair a bit, and then unlocked the door, exiting the bathroom. She headed back down the hallway, and stopped next to Octavia, who was leaning against the doorway into the living room, watching what was going on. Clarke turned her gaze forward to find what Octavia was grinning at, and her eyes went wide.  
  
At some point while she and Octavia had been outside, Lexa had decided to give the game a try, and it was very, very clear to Clarke that she was kicking everyone's asses. Currently she was dancing against Lincoln, who actually moved pretty well, and probably would have been a challenge for just about anybody else, but compared to Lexa, he was just flopping around. Lexa had at some point taken her red over-shirt off and thrown it on the couch, so that now she was just wearing the black camisole and her skinny jeans. Her clothes clung tightly to her body as it moved, almost perfectly following along with the song. Clarke couldn't tear her eyes away from Lexa's backside long enough to check the screen to see which song it was, and the cheering from the living room slightly drowned out the volume of the TV. Her mind was barely processing anything, especially as Lexa's upper half dropped to the floor, and her butt was jutted out even further.  
  
Octavia whistled.  
  
“Damn Clarke,” she said softly, “Your girl has definitely got moves. She is kicking Lincoln's ass!”  
  
Clarke couldn't answer, her mind unable to process the concept of speaking as Lexa shimmied to the song, her body being the only thing that Clarke was truly able to focus on. Octavia looked over at her and laughed, and didn't bother saying anything else until the song had ended, knowing that Clarke wasn't going to be able to focus until Lexa stopped moving like _that_.  
  
As soon as the song did end, however, she began clapping, and then pulled Clarke into the room with her.  
  
“Damn Lexa,” Octavia exclaimed, moving over to where the taller girl stood panting slightly, “You have definitely got some moves there!”  
  
Lexa looked at her and just grinned before telling her, “Well, I've been taking lessons for a while, so I do have the upper hand.”  
  
“She's kicked all of our butts,” Bellamy admitted as Lincoln sat back down on the couch, breathing hard, “She danced against every one of us, and no one has even come close to beating her. Clarke, you should try to take her on; you probably have the best chance of putting her in her place.”  
  
Octavia laughed at Bellamy's choice of words, and Lexa and Clarke made eye contact, and through that eye contact Clarke could see Lexa daring her to try to put her “in her place,” as Bellamy had said, and Lexa could see that Clarke very much wanted to try to do exactly that, though from the way the blonde was looking at her, she knew that it would have nothing to do with dancing.  
  
Before either of them could say anything, however, there was a loud thump from upstairs, and Clarke looked up at the ceiling, surprised. She looked around the living room quickly, and realized who was missing just as Octavia groaned loudly.  
  
“Oh come on!” the brunette exclaimed, “Don't tell me.”  
  
Everyone was just nodding, and then Jasper said, “Yep. Finn and Raven are at it again. They left like ten minutes ago, and we haven't seen them since. Though that is not the first loud noise we've heard.”  
  
“Shit,” Clarke swore under her breath, “They had better not be breaking anything up there.” She then looked over at Octavia and asked, “Which do you want to take, Raven or Finn?”  
  
Octavia sighed in exasperation, but then replied, “I'll take Raven, I guess.” She then glared at Bellamy, before punching him hard on the arm.  
  
“Hey!” he yelled, rubbing the spot where she'd hit him, “What was that for?!”  
  
“Cause you started this, you asshole!” she yelled back at him, and he just rolled his eyes.  
  
“So Raven and I slept together the one time,” he said, shrugging his shoulders, “Finn should just get over it.”  
  
“Yeah well you didn't have to bring it up tonight with your stupid truth question,” Octavia told him, the glare never leaving her face. “Maybe if you hadn't of brought it up, they wouldn't be up there right now!”  
  
Bellamy just shrugged a second time, clearly not concerned with the angry couple on the floor above them. This caused Clarke to glare at him, before she punched his other arm, causing him to wince.  
  
“Hey!” he exclaimed, now rubbing the newly injured arm, “Come on, she already got me!”  
  
Clarke just glared harder before she turned away from him and moved towards the stairs, yelling over her shoulder, “Yeah, well now I got you too, and you deserved them both! Come on Octavia, let's get this over with.”  
  
Octavia followed the blonde as she began climbing the stairs, and the last thing Lexa heard from either of them before they disappeared from view was Octavia telling Clarke, “Seriously though, remind me to push him in the pool tomorrow.”  
  
With that they were gone, and Lexa was once again left alone with the rest of the guys. She didn't mind much, at least not as much as she would have if she hadn't of had the nice comfortable floaty sensation in her limbs still. Her head was clear enough to understand everything that was going on, but the alcohol lowered her usual defenses, making it much easier for her to talk with the people in the room.  
  
“Alright,” she said, looking at them as she held up the Wii remote she still held in her hand, “Who's next?”  
  
Bellamy and Jasper groaned, while Monty shook his head, a small smile on his lips. Wells just looked at her, his eyebrows raised as if to say, _There is no way you are getting me to do that again_. She frowned as Jasper stood up and moved towards the TV.  
  
“Sorry Lexa, but we are definitely done with this game,” he informed her, as he rummaged through the same cabinet that Clarke had gone in to get Just Dance set up. He fiddled around with some wires, and then turned around and grinned, holding up two controllers that were definitely not for the Wii. “Call of Duty, anyone?” he asked, and Bellamy cheered and Monty nodded enthusiastically.  
  
“What is that?” Lexa asked, curious.  
  
“It's a gun game, basically,” Bellamy told her, as Jasper continued to get the new game set up. “All you really have to do is try to shoot everybody else, and not get shot yourself. You probably wouldn't like it.”  
  
Lexa bristled at the comment. Part of her knew that Bellamy had not meant it the way that it had sounded, but the other part of her couldn't help but think of the way he looked at Clarke, and that side of her disliked pretty much everything he said, so when he suggested she wouldn't like the game simply due to the fact that it involved guns, she was all ready to show him up. She saw Lincoln shake his head out of the corner of her eye, knowing that Bellamy had unwittingly just challenged her, and she stepped forward and grabbed one of the controllers that Jasper had put on the ground.  
  
“How do you play?” she asked, trying to sound as innocent as possible.  
  
Bellamy raised his eyebrows, but didn't say anything, and instead picked up another controller and began explaining to her what each of the different buttons did and the basic concept of the game. Lexa listened carefully, making sure that she understood at least most of what he said, and then nodded.  
  
“Alright, let's play,” she told them, sitting down on the floor with her back resting on the couch as Jasper finally got the game started and headed back over to the group, flopping on the couch with a controller in his hand. Monty grabbed the fourth and final controller, and Jasper, as player one, got the game started.  
  
It took a few minutes for Lexa to get used to the game and what each button actually did. However, after losing the first round by a lot, she began to get more comfortable with the controller, and began to pick up the pace, getting more and more kills each round. By the third game, the guys were no longer helping her at all, and were actually treating her as though she was a real threat, which she was quickly becoming. She became very good at reading the little map on the screen, and finding the best places in the game to sit and wait for one of the others to walk by, before she would shoot them. During the fourth game, she got enough kills off that the only one beating her was Jasper, and him only by a few kills. As the game finished and the screen showed Jasper in first and Lexa in second, Bellamy shook his head.  
  
“Okay, how the hell did you do that?” he wanted to know, looking down at Lexa almost in awe. “I thought you never played this before?”  
  
“I haven't,” Lexa replied, and shrugged, “But the premise is pretty simple. Shoot the enemy; don't get shot yourself.”  
  
“You knew which guns were the best ones to use!” Jasper exclaimed, “How?!”  
  
Again Lexa shrugged, and then informed them, “My parents were both in the military; I've been taught about guns and the best kinds of defense my whole life.”  
  
“Seriously?! That's so cool!” Jasper declared, his jaw open in awe a little.  
  
“What branch are they in?” Monty asked from where he sat on the floor next to Lexa, and she turned to him.  
  
“They were both in the Marine Corps,” she informed him, and he whistled, impressed.  
  
Bellamy turned to Lincoln, who sat on the couch next to Jasper, and glared at him slightly.  
  
“How come you didn't tell us she was a military kid?” he wanted to know, “A little warning would have been nice!”  
  
Lincoln just grinned, before he shrugged much in the same way Lexa had.  
  
“You didn't ask,” he informed the other boy, “And you seemed sure she wouldn't do well. I couldn't take away her chance to show you up. She could kick my ass. Seriously.”  
  
Lexa laughed, and Lincoln looked at her, the grin on his face only growing. Bellamy just glared at the two of them, and then he turned back to the game. They played one more round, Lexa once again only losing to Jasper, and then she got up and stretched, her hands reaching high above her head. She stepped towards Wells, and handed the controller to him.  
  
“Wanna play?” she asked him, “I need a break.” Wells smiled and nodded, taking the controller from her. Lexa smiled back, and then stepped out of the room, needing to use the restroom.  
  
When she came back to the room, Lincoln was waiting for her at the doorway.  
  
“Come here,” he told her, leading the way to the kitchen, and she followed him rather than go back to the living room. “Sit down,” he said, gesturing to the table, which she did. He then moved to the cupboards and pulled out two glasses, and filled them with water. He carried them back over to the table and sat next to her, handing her one of the glasses. “Here,” he said, “Drink this. Otherwise you are not going to feel well tomorrow.”  
  
Lexa took the cup, but informed him, “I feel fine, thank you.”  
  
He nodded, and then took a sip of his own water before telling her, “You feel fine now, but if you don't drink some water you are not going to feel well at all tomorrow. Let's try to put off your first hang-over for another time.”  
  
She considered arguing more, never liking being told what to do even by him, but in the end she conceded and took a long sip of the water, figuring in this case he probably knew what he was talking about. As she placed the cup back on the table, she raised her eyebrows to him, as if to say, _There, see? I did it_. He grinned at her, and nodded.  
  
“Very good,” he told her, and she rolled her eyes at him, causing him to laugh. He leaned back in his chair, getting more comfortable, and then said, “So how you are liking the night? You seem to be getting along with everyone pretty well. I know this isn't usually your kind of thing, but you are doing well.”  
  
Lexa's fingers began tracing designs on her glass, just needing something to do, before she replied, “It's very interesting. These people are... just very interesting, I guess.”  
  
Lincoln chuckled lightly, and then told her, “They certainly are. It took me a while to get used to them when Octavia and I started dating, but now I usually enjoy spending time with them.”  
  
Lexa looked over to him and grinned at him before saying, “Yes, you and Octavia. You must really like her; I've never seen you so invested in a relationship before. How long is it you two have been dating now?”  
  
Lincoln smiled, looking down at his own glass as he informed her, “We'll be at seven months in a week and a half. And yes, I do like her very much. She's incredible.”  
  
The grin on Lexa's face softened, seeing the look in Lincoln's eyes as he thought about his girlfriend. She reached over and patted his arm, and he looked up at her.  
  
“I'm really happy for you, Lincoln,” she told him softly, “You deserve someone who makes you happy, and it is clear Octavia does. She does seem pretty incredible, the little bit I've seen of her. Very competitive, but incredible.”  
  
Lincoln laughed, and shook his head, saying, “Oh yeah, she's competitive alright! Very much so! The only times I've seen her really upset is after she has lost a game or something.”  
  
Lexa laughed along with him before replying, “I can certainly see how that would happen.”  
  
Another loud thump from upstairs cut off the laughter, and they both looked up at the ceiling above them. Clearly Clarke and Octavia had yet to be able to calm down the lover's quarrel.  
  
“So does this happen often?” Lexa asked, gesturing to the ceiling above, and Lincoln rolled his eyes slightly.  
  
“Often enough,” he answered, and took another drink of his water, then continued, “Finn was really pissed when he found out about Raven and Bellamy. Octavia and I had just started dating when the two of them got back together, and I was there when Finn found out about their one-nighter. He was so mad, he nearly broke his hand punching a wall. Personally, I think he's just being dramatic. Especially since he tried to get Clarke to sleep with him while he and Raven were apart.”  
  
Lexa's grip on her glass tightened slightly, a small frown touching her lips.  
  
“He did what?” she asked, trying to sound as uninterested as possible, though she wasn't sure how well she had done.  
  
If Lincoln noticed her sudden shift in mood, he was nice enough to ignore it.  
  
“Yeah,” he told her, “Not long after he broke up with Raven, he and Clarke and Octavia were at a party together, and he tried to get Clarke to sleep with him. She refused, knowing how much it would hurt Raven if she did, but he did try. I'm pretty sure no one ever even told Raven that he tried, but sometimes I think they should, so he'll stop being able to get so mad at her for actually sleeping with Bellamy, when he tried to do the same thing with Clarke, and just failed.”  
  
Lexa ground her jaw before taking another gulp of water, but when she placed it back down on the table, her anger was apparent as she accidentally slammed it hard against the table. Lincoln couldn't ignore that, and he sighed slightly.  
  
“Huh. So it's true,” he said, turning to face her a little more, one arm casually on the table holding his glass, as though he wasn't about to start a conversation he wasn't sure he should start.  
  
“What's true?” Lexa asked, still scowling slightly at her glass.  
  
“You and Clarke,” he answered simply, and Lexa's gaze jerked to him, surprised.  
  
She had to control her voice as she replied, “I don't know what you're talking about.”  
  
“Sure you do,” he told her, still watching her, and she felt like he could read her every thought, “You and Clarke are... what, dating? Fooling around? Something.”  
  
Lexa tried her best blank stare at him, trying to throw him off.  
  
“You're wrong,” she informed him, “Clarke and I are nothing more than friends, if you can even call us that. I only came over tonight to work on a school project with her.”  
  
Lincoln raised his eyebrows at her, and then looked at her clothes before telling her, “I have never seen you dress so well for a project before. I know you take your schoolwork very seriously, but you don't usually dress up to do it.”  
  
Lexa nearly blushed, but was able to control it. Nevertheless, she looked down, not being able to hold the gaze with Lincoln, knowing he could read her eyes. There weren't many people in the world who really knew her, but Lincoln was one of them. Anya was her best friend, and she and Lincoln were actually really close, which meant that Lexa had spent a lot of time with him as well, and through that time together they had developed a strong bond. Usually she liked that Lincoln knew her well enough that he could just look at her and have an idea of what she was thinking, since then she didn't have to talk as much, but in this moment, she wished he didn't know her so well.  
  
“Lincoln, I cannot talk about this,” Lexa told him quietly, her fingers shaking just a little as she began tracing designs on her glass again, trying to end the conversation.  
  
“Why not?” he wanted to know, and she just set her jaw and turned her head away from him. Clarke had asked her many times not to say anything about their relationship to other people, and she respected Clarke enough to follow her wishes. Even if she did desperately want to talk to someone about this.  
  
Lincoln stared at her for a moment, and then he nodded, saying, “Ah, I get it. Clarke must not want anyone to know. Makes sense.”  
  
Lexa turned her gaze back to him, and looked at him questioningly, and he replied to the look, “It is the most logical conclusion. You have been out and proud for a few years now; there would be no reason for you to want to keep the relationship a secret. And with the way you are both dressed, and the look of almost horror that was on Clarke's face when we all showed up unexpectedly, you two were definitely planning something more than a class project tonight. That just leaves Clarke, and I know none of her friends think she's anything but straight, so it makes sense that she is the one wanting to keep all of this quiet.”  
  
Lexa sighed and shook her head.  
  
“Lincoln, really, I _can't_ talk about this,” she told him, and he could tell from her sad expression that she really wanted to talk to him, but wouldn't let herself do so.  
  
“You don't have to talk,” he replied. She looked at him curiously, so he continued, saying, “You don't have to talk; I'll talk. If it's just me talking, taking guesses without any confirmations, then you still haven't told anyone about this, and you won't have broken any promises you might have made to Clarke.”  
  
Lexa shook her head once again, this time with a little smile on her face.  
  
“Loopholes,” she said quietly, “Gotta love them.”  
  
Lincoln grinned, glad to see her mood shift.  
  
“Where to start?” he wondered out loud, putting his hands behind his head and tipping his chair back just slightly. “You and Clarke... It's an interesting pairing.”  
  
She raised her eyebrows at him, questioning the statement without speaking. He noticed, and told her, “Well, knowing both of you, I can see some similarities between you two. Both perfectionists, both keep to yourselves to a certain extent, though you do so more than she does. You both come from families that expect a lot from you. You both are under a lot of pressure all the time, but you both thrive under that pressure. I can see why you would turn to each other for support.”  
  
Lexa nodded, agreeing with everything he had said. She had never really thought about how much she and Clarke had in common, and it was kind of refreshing to have it pointed out to her by someone who knew them both.  
  
He paused a moment, watching Lexa. She was still tracing patterns on her glass, but now there was a small smile on her face, and a matching look in her eyes. It had been a long time since he had seen her look so happy.  
  
“I am happy for you, you know,” he told her, as he shifted in his chair to look at her better. “I know you haven't been in a relationship since Costia and what she did to you. I think Clarke will be really good for you.”  
  
Lexa's smile dropped ever-so-slightly at the mention of Costia, and she felt the familiar pang in her gut she got any time she thought of the other girl, but the pang was much smaller than it had once been. It surprised her a bit, and she realized she hadn't thought about the other girl for a while, when at one point in her life Costia was constantly on her mind and her gut was always hurting. The realization caused her to smile once again, and she looked at Lincoln.  
  
“Yeah,” she replied, and he smiled as she did, “I think you might be right about that.”  
  
“Hey,” a voice from the doorway called out, and they turned around to see the same blonde girl they were talking about standing there. “What are you guys doing?”  
  
“Just drinking a little water and talking. Lincoln thought some water would help prevent a hangover tomorrow,” Lexa informed her as the blonde walked into the room.  
  
Clarke grinned before saying, “Very wise, Lincoln. I should probably do the same.”  
  
She walked over to the cupboard and pulled out a glass of her own and got herself some water, as Lincoln asked, “So is everything all settled upstairs?”  
  
Clarke rolled her eyes, carrying her water over to the table to join them. As she sat down across from Lexa, she replied, “Yeah, it finally is. Finn's finally calmed down, and Octavia got Raven to stop crying, and we got them to talk it all out. Again.”  
  
As if on cue, Octavia came into the room and moved over to the table, swinging her arms around Lincoln's shoulders.  
  
“There you are,” she said, “Finally, some sane people!”  
  
Lincoln chuckled and held her arms around him.  
  
“You had all kinds of fun with that, I take it,” he told her, and it was Octavia's turn to roll her eyes.  
  
“Oh yeah, it was loads and loads of fun, just like always,” she informed them, “I always love having Raven literally crying on my shoulder, blubbering about how stupid she was that one time. Just love it.” She shifted, moving her arms from around Lincoln, though she continued to hold one of his hands as she added, “But that's over now, and we're getting a movie ready in the living room. Figured the boys had played enough video games and a movie would be a good way to end the evening, hopefully without starting any more water works. Come on.”  
  
She pulled Lincoln up, and he grabbed his water from the table, and then followed her back into the living room leaving Lexa and Clarke alone in the kitchen. Lexa watched them go, and then turned to the blonde who was watching her.  
  
“Shall we join them?” the brunette asked, and Clarke leaned forward, her elbows on the table and her chin balanced in her hands.  
  
“You know,” she began, and Lexa immediately noticed the innocence that was dripping in her voice, “If they're putting on a movie, they'll all fall asleep to it pretty quickly. I doubt they would even notice if we were to disappear for a while... Or the rest of the night.”  
  
Lexa smirked, clearly seeing where Clarke was going with this, and loving this new plan.  
  
“You know, I really don't care for watching a movie,” she told the blonde, her voice innocent as well, “And I'm getting a little... tired.”  
  
Clarke grinned and then downed her water, and Lexa did the same. As soon as her glass was back on the table, Clarke shot up and quickly moved around the table, grabbing Lexa's hand and pulling her up. Lexa let the blonde lead her back into the living room, where everyone else had placed pillows and blankets on the floor and couch and were getting settled down, a movie starting on the TV.  
  
“Where are you two going?” Bellamy asked as Clarke continued to pull Lexa towards the stairs, “The movie's starting.”  
  
“I'm getting Lexa pajamas,” Clarke answered quickly as she began heading up the stairs, “She didn't bring any.”  
  
“I didn't think I would need them,” Lexa added slyly, and she felt Clarke's grip tighten around her wrist, clearly understanding her meaning.  
  
“Start without us, no worries,” Clarke told the others, as she pulled Lexa up the stairs.  
  
They two moved up the stairs, and once they got to the top of them, Clarke turned to the left and pulled Lexa down the short hallway. She stopped in front of a white door and pushed it open, pulling Lexa inside the room and then shutting the door behind them. Clarke reached over and flipped a switch, turning the lights on, and Lexa looked around, having never really seen Clarke's room in the light. The walls were a very light blue, and pictures were all over the wall. Some of the pictures were artwork that Lexa was sure had all been done by Clarke, but the others were pictures taken of her with her family and friends. A thick white carpet covered the floor, some clothes strewn around here and there as well. A large closet was on one side of the room, and a desk sat near the closet, a mirror over it. A bookshelf and a bureau stood on the far side of the room near the window, and the bed was pressed against the opposite wall of the closet.  
  
“So, what do you think?” Clarke asked her, leading the way further into the room, “You usually can't really see anything in here when you're here.”  
  
Lexa smirked slightly before replying, “It's very you. I like it.”  
  
Clarke smiled and told her, “I'm glad.” She paused before saying, “I'm sorry that today wasn't exactly what we planned. I had no idea they were all gonna show up like that.”  
  
Lexa just smiled down at Clarke and pulled her closer, wrapping her arms around the blonde's waist.  
  
“Don't worry about it,” she informed the blonde as Clarke wrapped her arms around her shoulders, “It was actually quite fun. Your friends are... an interesting group.”  
  
Clarke laughed and shook her head.  
  
“Yeah, I would have only had a couple of them hang out with us for the first time if I could have,” she told her, “As a whole group, they can be a lot to take in, I know.”  
  
“It was fun,” Lexa insisted, “Not what we had in mind for the evening, but fun.”  
  
“Mmm,” Clarke agreed, nodding, and then she smirked and said, “But now that we're alone, we can do more of what we had originally planned.”  
  
Lexa smirked as well before replying, “I like this thought very much.”  
  
She pulled Clarke even closer, and their lips immediately found each other. One of Clarke's hands tangled itself in Lexa's hair, while one of Lexa's hands rested on Clarke's cheek and the other remained around her waist, holding her. The kiss was long and intimate more than passionate. It wasn't rushed; they kissed as though they had all the time in the world to do so. They stayed together for many minutes, and when they did pull away, they didn't pull very far apart, preferring to stay close.  
  
Lexa sighed after they pulled away, and then remarked, “As much as I do like your friends, I do wish we could have done more of that today.”  
  
Clarke chuckled, and then agreed, saying, “Yeah, that is definitely the big draw back of them all just showing up. I did not get to touch you or kiss you nearly as much as I wanted.”  
  
Lexa tightened her grip around Clarke's waist and informed her, “Well we can make up for that now.” She tried to lean back down for another kiss, but Clarke pulled away slightly, and Lexa stopped, frowning. “What?” she asked, “Is something wrong?”  
  
Clarke shook her head and replied, “No, nothing's wrong, I just wanted to talk about something first. Before we start anything.”  
  
Lexa dropped her hands and took a step back so that she could see Clarke better and then asked, “What do you want to talk about?”  
  
Clarke moved over to the bed and sat on the edge of it, and patted the spot next to her, inviting Lexa to join her. She did, and after the brunette sat, Clarke told her, “I talked to Octavia tonight. She knows about us.”  
  
Lexa's eyes widened, but Clarke continued before she could get too worried, saying, “Don't worry, everything's okay. It was actually a really good talk. I guess I'm not nearly as sneaky as I thought I was, cause she's known that something was going on for a while, and she even guessed that it had to do with you. So I told her about us. I told her how this all got started at Camp Ark. And it felt... really good to talk to someone about us. O just kind of knocked some sense in to me, I guess. And...”  
  
She trailed off, and Lexa waited a moment before saying, “And what?” not being able to wait any longer to hear what Clarke had to say.  
  
Clarke looked over to her, a small smile on her lips as she told her, “I want to tell people about us. I'm _going_ to tell people about us. I don't want this to be a secret anymore. I really like you, and I'm tired of hiding that. And I know you are tired of it too. I know you've wanted to tell people for a while, and I'm sorry for not letting you. But I'm ready now. I really am.”  
  
Instead of saying anything, Lexa just leaned over and kissed her hard, showing her how happy the blonde's words had made her. When she pulled back, Clarke chuckled and said, “I take it you like that idea.”  
  
Lexa smiled and told her, “Yes, I like that idea very, very much.”  
  
Clarke nodded, and then said, “The only thing is, I want my parents to be the first ones I tell. So, do you mind keeping it a secret just a little bit longer? I just feel like I owe them that much, you know?”  
  
Lexa took Clarke's hand and held it to her lips, kissing it softly.  
  
“I understand,” she replied, and Clarke shivered slightly as she felt the other girl's breath on her hand, “I will continue to keep it a secret until after you have told your parents. Though you should know, Lincoln knows too. I didn't tell him; he guessed.”  
  
Clarke shrugged before saying, “Yeah, Octavia said something about how she thought he knew too. That's fine; I know neither of them will say anything. You could tell Anya too, if you wanted. I know you've hated keeping this from her.”  
  
Lexa smiled again, squeezing Clarke's hand slightly.  
  
“Thank you,” she replied, “It really means a lot that you're okay with that.”  
  
Clarke nodded, a smile on her lips, but then she frowned a bit before saying, “Can I ask you a question, Lexa?”  
  
The brunette looked at her, curious, before telling her, “Of course. You can ask me anything.”  
  
“Who's Costia?” Clarke asked, and Lexa froze. She quickly added, “I heard you and Lincoln talking in the kitchen, and I didn't mean to eavesdrop, but I heard Lincoln say something about this Costia person, and about how she hurt you or something. You've never mentioned her to me. What happened?”  
  
Lexa remained quiet for a moment, and Clarke began to be afraid that she had crossed some kind of line, but finally Lexa spoke up.  
  
“Costia was a girl I dated for a little while almost two years ago,” she explained quietly, “She went to a different school, but we met through dance, and I immediately fell head-over-heels for her. She was beautiful, and smart, and funny, and just about everything to me. I didn't think she would be interested in me, but then we started working together and we began flirting. We started hanging out outside of dance rehearsal, and soon we were holding hands and kissing, and I was ecstatic. I had never been in love before, or even really interested in another person, so having her was new and amazing. I finally got up the nerve to actually ask her out, and she agreed, and we went on our first date and had a wonderful time, and that night I told her how much I cared for her for the first time. After that we went out a lot, and kissed a lot, and eventually we even slept together.” She paused for a moment, and Clarke could feel her shaking ever-so-slightly, so she squeezed her hand, encouraging her to go on. She squeezed back, and then continued, “I thought everything was amazing and going along great, until one night Anya convinced me to go to a party with her. When we got there I saw Costia making out with some guy. I went over and asked her what was going on, and she laughed at me and called me a dyke. I found out later that she had been seeing the guy the entire time, and had just been using me. I was crushed. I even ended up having to change dance studios, because I couldn't be around her anymore. I've gotten over it for the most part, but it's still hard for me to talk about. She just... she broke my heart.”  
  
As Lexa told her story, Clarke felt anger and hatred build up inside of her. It burned from within, and she was a little shocked to realize how much hatred she could have for this girl she had never met. Lexa didn't cry as she told the story, but the tremble in her hands was enough to tell Clarke just how much this girl had hurt her. Lexa was strong, stronger than anyone Clarke had ever met, and she knew that it would take a lot to shake Lexa the way this clearly had. If this is how it effected the brunette two years later, she couldn't imagine what it must have done to her in that moment when Lexa first found out about it. Clarke couldn't stand to think of Lexa in that kind of pain, so she just quickly threw her arms around the other girl, catching her by surprise.  
  
Clarke held Lexa for a long moment before she said, “I hate her for hurting you like that. I hate her. I swear to you, Lexa, I will never hurt you. I won't be perfect, I know, but you mean so much to me. I can't even imagine hurting you like that.”  
  
Lexa returned the hug, her head resting on Clarke's shoulder as she listened to the blonde's words. She buried her face into the crook of Clarke's neck, feeling her skin on one cheek and her blonde hair tickling the other. After a short moment, she murmured, “I know you won't.”  
  
She meant it. For two years she had refused to get close to another person in the way Costia had gotten close to her. For two years, whenever she felt herself beginning to fall for another person, she forced the feeling away. She couldn't even allow herself to get close to another person in just a friendly way, let alone a romantic one, so for two years, Anya, Lincoln and her family had been the only people she had let her walls down around.  
  
And then Clarke came along. She still didn't know why she had allowed those walls to come down during their time together at Camp Ark, but from the moment they started spending time together, it was as though her walls no longer existed. How this blonde girl had just waltzed into her life and completely taken over was still a mystery to her, but she was very glad she had. She felt safe with Clarke, in a way she hadn't even felt with Costia. For some reason, she just felt as though they fit together just right, and she was pretty sure Clarke felt it too.  
  
They held each other for a few more moments, and then Lexa pulled away, though her hand slipped into Clarke's. She smiled slightly at Clarke, and asked her, “Anymore questions?”  
  
Clarke grinned and chuckled slightly, before saying, “No, no more questions.”  
  
Lexa smirked, and Clarke could have sworn that she saw the other girl's eyes darken as she leaned forward and whispered into her ear, “Good, because now it's time to finish what we started earlier today.”  
  
Clarke shivered, and then jumped slightly when she felt Lexa's free hand move to her leg, and begin sliding up it. When she got to the fabric of her dress, the hand simply slipped under it, and Clarke gulped as she felt the hand slowly work its way up her thigh. Lexa's nails dragged lightly along her skin, causing her to shiver even more, and when Clarke looked up at Lexa's face, her smirk alone nearly made Clarke groan. She knew that Lexa had been waiting for this for hours, and so had she, so rather than playing a game, she immediately spread her legs as best as she could, the anticipation coiling in her stomach.  
  
Finally Lexa's fingers reached Clarke's thong, and this time instead of moving it to the side, Lexa rubbed her thumb up against the fabric, pressing it into Clarke's folds. The thumb immediately found Clarke's clit and began rubbing against it, causing Clarke to groan loudly as the pressure from the thumb caused the coiling in her stomach to tighten even more.  
  
Lexa chuckled at Clarke's groan before saying, “You seem rather excited, Clarke. I wonder why that is?”  
  
Clarke groaned again as Lexa rubbed her thumb harder against the bundle of nerves, and then she mumbled, “Lexa, please. No teasing! I've been waiting for this for hours! Please just touch me already!”  
  
“I am touching you, Clarke,” Lexa informed her, the smirk apparent in her words, and Clarke growled in frustration.  
  
“No, I mean really touch me!” she exclaimed, “Take off my thong, and just fuck me!”  
  
Lexa chuckled again before she told the other girl, “Your wish is my command,” and she let go of Clarke's hand and pushed the blonde back so that she was laying on the bed, and then she pushed her dress up, grabbed the sides of the thong, and yanked it down her legs until it was on the floor by the bed. She took just a moment to look at Clarke laying there, her dress bunched up around her waist, her legs spread wide and her eyes gazing up at her in need, before she reached forward and easily slid two fingers through her wet folds. Clarke moaned as the fingers entered her, and her hips began moving against the fingers, trying to push them further in to her. Lexa allowed the hip movement, enjoying seeing just how worked up Clarke already was. She watched Clarke for a moment, loving the way the blonde girl had her eyes clenched shut and her bottom lip between her teeth as Lexa's fingers moved inside of her. She curled her fingers, and Clarke moaned loudly, even more so when her thumb once again began rubbing against her clit.  
  
“Clarke,” Lexa murmured quietly, not wanting to take her out of her bliss, “I want to taste you. Can I taste you?”  
  
Clarke groaned again, and then began nodding frantically as she moaned out, “Yessss. Oh god, please taste me, Lexa!”  
  
Lexa smirked again, and then moved off of the bed to kneel on the floor between the blonde's legs. She quickly removed her fingers from the other girl, much to Clarke's dismay, but she wrapped her arms around the blonde's thighs and yanked her down a bit, so that her lower half was partially hanging off the bed. She spread Clarke's thighs further apart, and then dove forward, her tongue immediately darting between Clarke's folds and moving down to enter her. She thrust her tongue forward, tasting Clarke and groaned; this was her happy place. There was no where else she would rather be than in this moment with her face buried between Clarke's legs.  
  
The sensations that Lexa was creating between her legs caused the coil in her stomach to tighten even further, and Clarke moaned loudly as she dug her fingers in Lexa's hair, holding her head so that it couldn't move from that spot where Clarke oh so desperately needed her to be. The moan and grip in her hair spurned Lexa on, and she picked up her pace, thrusting her tongue into Clarke even faster. She moved her hand over until it was at the top of Clarke's slit, and slipped her finger in to run over the clit once again, making Clarke begin to shake beneath her.  
  
“Lexa... Lexa.... Lex-a... Yes, Lexa. Don't... stop... please, don't sto-op!” Clarke cried, her grip on the brunette's hair getting tighter and tighter as the coil in her stomach did so as well. Hearing her cries, Lexa picked up even more speed, her tongue and fingers doing wicked things to Clarke that made her continue to cry out her name. Clarke's body shook, and as hard as she tried, she couldn't hold it in anymore. With a final cry she came undone, her body spasming out of control under Lexa's ministrations. As she shook out of control, Lexa slowed down her tongue, until it was thrusting into Clarke at a slow, steady pace, helping her ride out the orgasm. Finally the blonde's body stopped jerking and Clarke's grip on Lexa's hair loosened, and Lexa pulled herself out from between Clarke's legs, looking up her body. There was a fine sheen of sweat covering her skin, and her chest continued to move steadily, her breath still coming in in large gasps. Her eyes were closed, her mouth still hung open from her silent scream. Lexa thought she looked beautiful, and was very proud of herself for being the reason Clarke looked like that.  
  
Lexa moved back and then stood up, and Clarke's legs continued to hang limply off the side of the bed. Lexa chuckled a little as she sat at the foot of the bed next to Clarke's still body.  
  
“You look a bit worn out there,” Lexa stated, a grin on her lips.  
  
“Mmm. No,” Clarke grunted out, her eyes still closed, and Lexa just laughed.  
  
“No? You look very, very tired,” Lexa replied and patted Clarke's leg, causing her to twitch.  
  
“Not tired,” Clarke grumbled, “Gotta do you now.”  
  
Lexa smiled down at the clearly exhausted girl and shook her head.  
  
“You don't have to do me at all,” she told the other girl, “You'll just owe me one.”  
  
“No. Your turn,” Clarke insisted, but still wouldn't open her eyes.  
  
“No, bed time,” Lexa replied, and then stood up and looked around the room. “Where do you keep your pajamas?” she asked the blonde girl, who in turn just pointed to the bureau. Lexa shook her head again, the smile still on her face, and got up and moved over to the bureau. She opened the top drawer to find socks and underwear, and she blushed slightly, knowing that she could easily go through Clarke's underwear drawer. She quickly shut the drawer and opened the next one down, to find various pajamas stuffed into it. She grabbed a shirt and pair of pants for herself, and then the same for Clarke, and shut the drawer before heading back over to the bed. She threw both sets on the bed, and then grabbed the hem of her shirt, pulling it up over her head and tossing it to the floor. As she reached for the shirt she had taken for herself, she saw Clarke peaking at her through one eye. She grinned before saying, “Oh, so this you open your eyes for.”  
  
Clarke smiled lazily in response and informed her, “I might be tired, but that doesn't mean I'm going to pass up the chance to see you naked.”  
  
Lexa just shook her head, and then took off her bra, watching Clarke watch her as she did so. She slipped the shirt over her head, and Clarke pouted as her breasts disappeared underneath the fabric. Quickly Lexa slid out of her pants and put on the pajama pants, and as she pulled them up her legs, she heard Clarke sigh and say, “Damn me and my tiredness. I want you naked and writhing, but I don't have the energy to do so.”  
  
Lexa laughed and then climbed on the bed as she replied, “I promise you can have me naked and writhing another time. Hopefully sometime tomorrow.”  
  
“Oh, it will be tomorrow,” Clarke assured her, “Don't you doubt it. And it's gonna be really good, since you have to wait even longer.”  
  
“Very good,” Lexa said, as she scooped up the pajamas she had grabbed for Clarke and handed them to her, “I look forward to it.”  
  
Clarke reached over and took the pajamas, telling her, “You just want to see me naked again. You already got your show tonight, baby.”  
  
Lexa laughed and rolled her eyes, and Clarke laughed too before she groaned, pulling herself up and off the bed. She took off her belt, letting it fall to the ground, and then turned with her back to Lexa and asked, “Unzip me?”  
  
“Oh, now you just want me to see you naked again,” Lexa insisted as she scooted forward on the bed and unzipped the dress, “You want to get me all worked up, knowing that I can't touch you again until you've gotten some sleep.”  
  
“Yep,” Clarke agreed, shrugging out of her dress and letting it fall to the ground. She took her bra off and stood completely naked while she said, “I'm just evil that way.” She then threw the shirt on, and pulled the pants on, and Lexa very much noticed that she didn't put any underwear on first.  
  
“Yes,” Lexa told her, her mouth suddenly a little dry, “You are very, very evil that way.”  
  
Clarke laughed, and then fell back into bed, moving to get under the covers. Lexa got up and walked over to the door, flicked the light switch to turn off the lights, and then moved back to the bed. She got under the covers and immediately pressed her body against Clarke's, burying her nose in the nook of the blonde's shoulder.  
  
“Goodnight Clarke,” she said, a smile still on her lips, “This has been a very wonderful evening.”  
  
“Goodnight Lexa,” Clarke murmured back, “It certainly has.”  
  
They laid there for a while, and Lexa assumed that Clarke had fallen asleep. Just as she was about to doze off, she heard Clarke whisper, “Lexa?”  
  
“Yes Clarke?” she whispered back.  
  
“I think I'm falling in love with you.”  
  
Lexa smiled and pressed herself even closer to the blonde.  
  
“I think I'm falling in love with you, too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so so so sorry for the long wait! I have been so busy that unfortunately I didn't have as much time as I would have liked to to work on this. But, because you had to wait so long, I made the chapter a little bit longer! I hope it was worth the wait!


	8. Chapter 8

The first thing Clarke noticed when she woke up in the morning was Lexa's body, still pressed slightly against her own. The second thing she noticed was the fact that, though she had successfully avoided a hangover, her limbs still felt slightly heavy, and the muscles in her neck specifically felt very tight, all reminding her of how much she had drank the night before. The third thing she noticed was just how much she needed to pee. Her bladder seemed to be screaming at her, and she knew she would have to go right away, or risk wetting the bed for the first time in many years. She doubted that Lexa would particularly appreciate that wake up, so Clarke threw the covers off of herself, and groaned as she swung her legs over the bed. She moved as quietly as she could, trying very hard not to wake the still sleeping girl in the bed. Judging by the light coming in the window, it was still early in the morning, so Clarke figured Lexa deserved to get a little more sleep before waking up and facing a new day.  
  
She tiptoed across the room as quietly as she could, and managed to open the door without waking the brunette, and then she all but ran down the hallway to the bathroom. She sighed in content as she finally relieved her bladder, all of her muscles relaxing slightly as some of the tension left her. On her way back to the bedroom she stopped at the top of the staircase, listening hard to see if she could tell if anyone else was awake yet. When she didn't hear anything, she assumed that meant everyone was still asleep, so she moved back to the bedroom, figuring it would probably be another hour or so before everyone started waking up. She closed the door behind her quietly, still trying not to wake up Lexa, but as she turned around she bumped into her desk, cursing under her breath as one of the pictures on it toppled over, clattering as it hit the surface. She tensed, waiting for the loud sound to wake Lexa, but the other girl simply kept on sleeping, the noise not effecting her at all. Clarke smiled, glad she hadn't disturbed the brunette, and moved quickly back to the bed.  
  
Reaching it though, she stopped, looking down at Lexa. The other girl was lying on her back, her hair splayed out around her head on the pillow. She looked so peaceful, but at some point in the night she must have moved a lot, because the blankets were barely covering her. Looking down at her, Clarke's smile turned into a smirk. The pajamas that Lexa had grabbed for herself the night before were too large for her, and now the shirt had pooled up around her middle, and even the pants had moved down just a bit, exposing even more of her stomach to the suddenly very turned on blonde. Clarke knew that she should probably just let the other girl sleep, but she suddenly wanted nothing more than to touch Lexa.  
  
Very carefully, trying not to move too much, she climbed up on the foot of the bed near the sleeping girl. Lexa didn't move, even as the mattress shifted slightly, and Clarke's smirk only grew bigger. Gaining courage, Clarke moved closer to the other girl, taking her time to move carefully, moving the mattress as little as possible. Finally she was half laying, half sitting right next to the brunette's side, and eying the girl beneath her, Clarke reached out and gently stroked some of the exposed flesh on Lexa's side with her fingertips. The blonde held her breath, afraid the slight movement might wake the sleeping girl, but Lexa's eyes remained shut, and her breathing continued at its easy pace. Wanting more, and becoming more daring as the other girl continued to sleep, Clarke leaned down and gently pressed her lips against the flesh. This time Lexa moved a little under the touch, and Clarke froze. The other girl shifted just slightly, and Clarke held her breath, but her eyes didn't open, and after a moment Clarke allowed her lips to move up further along Lexa's side. The brunette made a small noise as Clarke's lips moved on her skin, but she didn't wake, so Clarke began rubbing small circles on her other side. Before long Clarke got bolder, and her hand slipped under the loose fabric of the shirt Lexa was wearing, and traveled slowly up her front. As her hand moved, Clarke removed her lips from Lexa's skin, instead watching the other girl's face while her hand moved. Though she still slept, Lexa's breathing had begun to come in a little faster, and she had started making slight faces even as she dreamed. Finally Clarke's fingers reached her breasts, and she gently rubbed her thumb over one nipple, hardening it almost instantly. As her fingers moved over the hardened nub, Lexa's hips started to move slightly, and Clarke smirked as a look of pure need washed over the other girl's face.  
  
After a few more moments of playing with Lexa's breasts, Clarke let her hand wander back down Lexa's body, and as it got further down, Lexa started squirming more and more. Clarke may have laughed at that, but she was afraid that any extra noise would ruin the moment, so instead she just grinned as she got to the waistband of Lexa's pajama pants, and easily slipped her fingers beneath the too-large material. She continued moving downwards, until she reached another bit of fabric. She considered for a moment continuing down over the fabric, to tease the other girl even further, but by this point she could feel the muscles in Lexa's legs tensing as she continued to squirm around, and she figured she had teased the sleeping girl enough. She quickly slipped under the elastic of the fabric and immediately found heat awaiting her fingers. She had clearly teased the other girl enough, as she was very wet, making it incredibly easy for Clarke's fingers to slip right in and go straight for that bundle of nerves that she knew drew Lexa crazy when Clarke played with it. As soon as she touched it, Lexa's hips bucked into her hand, and she could feel Lexa just get even wetter. Before long her hips were continuously bucking against Clarke's fingers, so Clarke used her free hand to try to hold them down just as her fingers moved down and slipped inside the brunette. Clarke heard the other girl moan slightly, and knew that she had finally woken up. She looked up to see Lexa's eyes half open, staring down at Clarke as she sat beside her, her fingers already stretching her nicely.  
  
“Good morning, Commander,” Clarke said to her, the grin spreading across her face as she watched Lexa's eyes flutter closed and then open again as she pushed her fingers deeper into the other girl.  
  
“Clarke,” Lexa moaned quietly, her hips pushing against the hand trying to hold them down as they tried to pull the blonde's fingers even further into her.  
  
“Did you sleep well, Commander?” the blonde asked innocently, as though her fingers hadn't just picked up speed, and weren't thrusting into the girl beneath her at a steady rate.  
  
“Mmm, Claaarke,” the brunette simply groaned, her teeth ground together in the attempt to not raise her voice too loudly, remembering that there were people downstairs.  
  
“That isn't an answer, Commander,” Clarke informed her, as she leaned down and began kissing Lexa's stomach, her tongue running along the exposed skin, causing the taller girl to shiver beneath her touch. “I want to know how you slept. Answer me.”  
  
The authority in her voice caused Lexa to shiver once again. She licked her lips, holding in another moan as Clarke's fingers began to scissor inside her, and then managed to get out, “I slept... very well.”  
  
“Yeah?” Clarke asked, her breath tickling Lexa's skin, “I'm glad. Did you have good dreams?”  
  
Before she could answer, Lexa felt the hand that had been holding her hips down move up and under her shirt, traveling up her body quickly until she felt fingers pinch one of her nipples lightly. She groaned, and then bit the inside of her cheek to keep herself from making any louder noises, before she answered, “Probably. Don't really... remember... any.”  
  
She felt Clarke pout against her skin, even as her fingers continued to thrust quickly in and out of her and her other fingers played with her nipple. “Well that's too bad. Do you remember what you were dreaming about before you woke up?” the blonde asked, and then Lexa's hips bucked upwards as she felt Clarke's thumb begin rubbing against her clit.  
  
Lexa swallowed, desperately trying to think straight and remember how to form words, but it was getting increasingly more difficult with every second. She had a feeling though if she stopped answering Clarke's questions the blonde would stop touching her, and she was getting so close, she needed to keep going. So finally she managed to inform the other girl, “I dreamed you were... touching me... You were... kissing me... and... mmm!... touching me!”  
  
She could feel Clarke smirking against her skin, and she was about to say more when the hand that was playing with her nipples retreated from under her shirt. Clarke moved quickly, straddling the brunette backwards, so that Lexa could only see her back and the back of her head rather than her face, and suddenly she felt Clarke's now free hand yank at her pants, pulling them down slightly.  
  
“I had a dream I was touching you too,” Clarke told her, and though Lexa couldn't see her face, she could easily imagine the blonde's expression. “I had a dream that I was touching you, and tasting you, and you were screaming my name, begging me to keep going, begging me to let my Commander come. What do you think about that, huh Commander?”  
  
“Oh, _god_ ,” Lexa moaned, and her hips bucked up wildly in a desperate attempt to get even more action. She heard Clarke chuckle, and then felt her bend over. Her free hand grabbed the elastic of her panties and pulled them down her thighs, until they were far enough out of her way, but still hanging on Lexa's legs. She bent down even more, and Lexa shuddered as she felt Clarke's breath hit her center as she said, “I don't hear you begging yet, Commander.”  
  
“ _Please_ Clarke!” Lexa begged, her pride not strong enough to overcome the overwhelming need to just be truly _fucked_ by the blonde, “ _Please_ make me come! I need you to make me come, _god_ , please Clarke!”  
  
Clarke was bent far enough over that Lexa could literally feel her smirk before she told her, “That's more like it,” and then she bent over just a bit more, and Lexa felt Clarke's tongue enter her. Hard. She had just enough will-power to stop herself from screaming, instead throwing her arm across her mouth and biting herself to keep the scream from escaping. Her hips bucked up frantically, trying to meet both Clarke's tongue and fingers as they all thrust quickly inside her and Clarke's thumb continued to rub rough circles around her clit. Clarke didn't let up, even as Lexa finally came undone, instead continuing to thrust into her roughly as Lexa shook underneath her. Even after Lexa's orgasm subsided, Clarke still thrust into her a few more times before finally stopping and pulling her fingers out of the other girl. Her tongue remained, however, lapping up the brunette's juices, making Lexa shudder again, especially when her tongue slid against her now very sensitive bundle of nerves. Only when Clarke was ready did she pull back, and the image of the blonde as she continued to straddle the brunette, but twisted around to look the other girl in the eye as she licked her lips, obviously very satisfied with herself, made Lexa shiver again.  
  
“That,” she finally exclaimed, as her breath slowly returned to something that resembled normal, “Was the best wake up call I have ever had.”  
  
Clarke grinned at her, and then swung one leg over her, moving so that she was once again partially laying next to Lexa.  
  
“I live to serve,” the blonde informed her, winking, and all Lexa could do was grab her shoulder and pull her in for a rough kiss, tasting herself on the other girl's lips.  
  
Finally she pulled back, the grin now on her face as well.  
  
“You serve very, very well,” she told Clarke, who just chuckled as she huddled against the brunette, nuzzling into her neck.  
  
“I know,” the blonde replied, a smirk still on her lips as she inhaled Lexa's scent, closing her eyes and trying to memorize every detail of the moment. “Now that I'm not influencing your answers though, how did you really sleep?”  
  
She felt the brunette turn towards her, and she sighed contently as Lexa slipped an arm under her shoulders, and pulled her even closer to the taller girl.  
  
“I really did sleep very well,” Lexa informed her, and Clarke smiled slightly as she felt Lexa's fingers begin to trace lazy patterns on her arm. “I had you beside me, and your bed is very comfortable. I don't think it would have been possible for me to sleep otherwise.”  
  
“Plus alcohol tends to help a person pretty much pass out,” Clarke added, and then opened her eyes again and looked up at Lexa, before she added, “By the way, how are you feeling? You don't seem to be hung over, but I could have just missed it. After all, I was a little... distracted when you woke up.”  
  
Lexa grinned down at her before shaking her head and replying, “No, you didn't miss anything. I feel fine. I think I successfully avoided my first hang over. Lincoln was wise when he insisted on water, I would say.”  
  
“Yeah, I guess so,” Clarke agreed, “I think it saved me too.”  
  
“No hang over for your either, then?” Lexa asked, and Clarke shook her head.  
  
“Nope,” she told the other girl, “No hang over. I mean, I can tell that I drank last night, but I definitely don't have a hang over. Which means it was a very successful night!”  
  
Lexa laughed quietly before inquiring, “So what does it mean when you do have a hang over the next day?”  
  
Clarke smirked and told her, “That means it was an even more successful night. Well, unless you can't remember what you did while drunk. Then it means you were probably sloppy.”  
  
The brunette raised her eyebrows.  
  
“And how many sloppy nights have you had, and what made them sloppy?” she asked, curious to know more about this other side of Clarke she had only just begun to uncover.  
  
“I have only had two sloppy nights, I will have you know,” Clarke insisted, snuggling further into Lexa, making the other girl smile softly as she felt the blonde curl in to her more, “The first night was a night when just Octavia, Raven and I were hanging out. We thought it would be a good idea to take shots of straight vodka, which probably would have been okay if we spaced the shots out a little, but we had at least eight in just the first hour. I'm pretty sure all three of us spent the night in the bathroom, fighting over whose turn it was to puke. The second time was at a party with a bunch of people, and I got two King's Cups, plus had a number of jello shots. I made out with a lot of people that night, before O was able to drag me away. After she got me outside, there was more than one bush I threw up in. I was hearing about stuff I did at that party for weeks after that, very little of which I remembered. I tend to limit the number of jello shots I do, now.”  
  
Lexa shook her head, a grin on her face, and Clarke turned her head to look up at the girl whose shoulder had become her new favorite pillow, even if it was kind of bony.  
  
“Clarke Griffin,” the brunette said almost in wonder, “I had no idea you were such a party girl.”  
  
Clarke grinned in return before replying, “There's a lot you don't know about me, Lexa. What can I say, I'm just a mystery.”  
  
“You are,” Lexa agreed, “And it's a mystery that I very much look forward to figuring out.”  
  
She turned over just a bit more, and then cupped Clarke's chin in her fingers, before she kissed her again, this time slowly, taking her time to really feel Clarke's mouth against her own. The blonde sighed into the kiss as they both closed their eyes, lost in the bliss of this moment, together.

***

As she slowly began to wake up, Octavia's first thought was, _Who the hell is mowing the lawn this early on a Saturday morning?_ However, as she became more aware of her surroundings, she realized that it wasn't the sound of a lawn-mower that had brought her out of her dreams; instead it was the mixture of at least three different people snoring around her. Groaning, she finally peaked her eyes open to find out who she was going to have to kill. She and Lincoln were curled up together under a blanket, her back pressed firmly into his front, and she was happy to find he was not one of the culprits. She had quickly learned in their seven months together that he did not snore, and she was pretty sure that was one of the things she loved most about him. Her last boyfriend had snored horribly, to the point where she barely ever got any sleep the few times that they actually spent the night together, so when she realized Lincoln never snored, she had almost started dancing for joy.  
  
Her brother, on the other hand, did snore. Bellamy had fallen asleep on the couch, just a few feet away from where she and Lincoln were, and his snoring was apparent. Her room at home was far enough away from his that she never heard him snore, but now being so close without any walls between them, she wondered how he never woke her up at home. What was worse, he was not the loudest snorer in the room. She looked across the room, where Jasper was sprawled out, and rolled her eyes. If there was a contest for who could snore the loudest, he would win. Monty didn't snore so much as just breathe loudly, and Finn also snored, though much quieter than either Jasper or Bell, and with all the noise she knew that there was no way she was going to be able to fall back asleep now that she was awake. She sighed quietly, and then took another look around the room.  
  
Monty laid on the floor near Jasper, though he was facing away from the other boy, probably having learned long ago about his snoring noise level. Still, Octavia wondered how he managed to actually sleep with the noise coming out of Jasper so close to him. Wells had fallen asleep in one of the big chairs, curling up in it in a way that Octavia thought would be really uncomfortable, especially for an entire night, but he seemed to be sleeping peacefully enough. Raven and Finn were curled up together near Wells's chair, and Octavia was glad to see that they had clearly gotten past their fight from the previous night.  
  
She sighed slightly, wishing for more sleep but knowing it wouldn't come, and turned over so that she was now looking at the ceiling. As soon as she had settled back down though, she felt Lincoln's arm move across her stomach, and pull her closer to him. She turned her head to look at him, and saw him gazing at her. She grinned, before moving closer to him.  
  
“Morning,” she whispered.  
  
“Morning,” he replied, also whispering, “Couldn't sleep with all the noise?”  
  
Octavia rolled her eyes, and she noticed the way his eyes shone, silently laughing at her display of annoyance. She loved that she could read his eyes so well; Lincoln was not a man who smiled all that often with his mouth, but whenever he looked at her she could read the smile in his eyes, and she loved it. Most people didn't believe he expressed any emotion, always having a look of disinterest on his face. She saw past that, always able to read exactly what he was feeling by looking into his eyes.  
  
“I don't understand how _anybody_ could sleep with all this noise,” she told him, “How are they doing it?”  
  
“I don't know,” Lincoln replied, shrugging the shoulder that Octavia wasn't pressed against, “But then, not everyone is as light a sleeper as you are.”  
  
“You don't have to be a light sleeper for their roaring to wake you up!” Octavia exclaimed, possibly a bit too loudly, as Bellamy rolled over, his snoring cut off.  
  
“Hey, would you two shut up?” he growled out, his eyes not even opening, “Tryin' ta sleep here.”  
  
Octavia rolled her eyes once again before glaring at her brother.  
  
“Are you serious? You have got to be kidding me!” she grumbled, and Lincoln chuckled lightly, before sitting up and pulling her up with him.  
  
“Come on,” he whispered to her and then he stood up and reached his hand down to help her up.  
  
She shivered slightly as his body heat left her side, but she grabbed his hand and let him pull her up. He led her into the kitchen, away from the bodies still sleeping in the living room. He was about to sit at the table, but Octavia walked past it and pulled him behind her, moving straight to the sliding door to the backyard. She opened it, and brought him out to the deck, sitting down once they reached the stairs. The morning air was chilly, enough that Octavia shivered again, but when Lincoln wrapped his arm around her and pulled her close again, it was enough to warm her up immediately.  
  
“This is way better,” she sighed, a smile on her face.  
  
“Mm,” Lincoln agreed, “The morning is beautiful.”  
  
Octavia nodded. The sky was a glorious light blue, white and gray clouds spaced out in a way that promised to be a great day. The sky was light enough that Octavia knew that it was still early in the morning, earlier than she would normally be up, but she knew that Lincoln often woke up this early, loving the time of day. She closed her eyes, listening to the birds in the trees. She loved the outdoors, but she very seldom actually took the time to sit out and enjoy the peace and quiet that came with nature. Moments like these reminded her of why she loved being outside so much, and the fact that she and Lincoln could share the moment in such peaceful calm reminded her why she loved him so much.  
  
After a long moment of silence, Octavia turned to Lincoln.  
  
“So how much of the movie did you actually watch last night?” she asked him.  
  
“Most of it,” he replied, shrugging. “I probably could have made it to the end if I had really tried, but I was too comfortable, and you had already fallen asleep, so I decided to give in as well. How much did you manage to get through.”  
  
“Not much,” she admitted, “The alcohol made me tired, and I wasn't that interested in the movie anyway. Still, made it through more than Clarke or Lexa.” She grinned as she finished, thinking of the two girls and the conversation she and Clarke had had the night before.  
  
“They never made it back downstairs,” Lincoln stated, almost as though he wasn't interested in the conversation, but that just made Octavia look at him suspiciously.  
  
“No, they didn't,” she agreed, and then added, “I wonder what... distracted them?”  
  
He just shrugged without answering, making Octavia even more suspicious.  
  
“You know, don't you?” she asked, and she could read the answer in his eyes when he looked at her. “When did you find out?”  
  
“Last night,” he told her, not bothering to hide it, then asked, “When did you find out?”  
  
It was her turn to shrug, before she replied, “I've been suspicious for a while now, but found out for sure last night too. I talked to Clarke and finally got the whole story out of her.”  
  
“I didn't get everything out of Lexa, but I think that's because Clarke asked her not to talk about it,” Lincoln informed her.  
  
“Yeah, that sounds about right,” Octavia agreed, “She didn't want anyone to know about her and Lexa, but I think she's getting to the point of being able to tell people. She claims she is, anyways.”  
  
“Good,” Lincoln replied, staring off ahead, “I can tell that Lexa needs to talk about it, but doesn't feel like she can. She isn't the most talkative person, but I don't think she's ever kept anything like this from Anya. Those two tell each other everything. I know Anya has been upset about it, knowing that something was going on but not exactly what. They'll both be happier when they can talk about it.”  
  
“We'll all be happier when we can talk about it,” Octavia said, and then rethought that statement and added, “Well, okay, maybe not everyone. There're a few people I can think of that are gonna hate that Clarke's in a relationship, and probably some upset that Lexa's in one too, but overall it'll be better for everyone.”  
  
Lincoln nodded, agreeing, and then they sunk back into a comfortable silence, simply enjoying the sounds of the birds in the trees. That comfortable silence was shattered, however, when they heard the door behind them slide open again.  
  
“Alright, it's your fault I'm up, you better be planning on making breakfast,” Bellamy exclaimed, hanging on to the door frame and sticking his head outside.  
  
Octavia just rolled her eyes before turning around to give her idiot brother a scathing look.  
  
“Uh, what do I look like, your own personal chef?” she asked him, “Make your own breakfast! If anything, you should be making me breakfast for waking me up with those thundering snores of yours. But since you can't cook, I won't make you.”  
  
Bellamy scoffed.  
  
“As if you could,” he told her, and then as he turned to go back into the kitchen she heard him saying, “There's gotta be something in here to eat...”  
  
She sighed before standing up and reaching her hand out to Lincoln, much like he had done earlier.  
  
“Come on,” she said, “I have to make sure my idiot brother doesn't destroy my best friend's kitchen. Especially since we aren't even supposed to be here.”  
  
Lincoln nodded, taking her hand and letting her pull him up and lead him back into the kitchen. He closed the door behind them while Octavia went straight to Bellamy, whose head was pretty much stuck in the refrigerator.  
  
“Bell, get out of Clarke's fridge,” she growled at him, grabbing his arm and pulling him back, “This isn't your house, so don't be an ass.”  
  
As he stepped back, they saw that he already had a slice of leftover pizza shoved into his mouth. He grabbed it and pulled it back, a large chunk still in his mouth.  
  
“But I'm hungry,” he mumbled around the pizza.  
  
“No, you're a pig,” his sister told him, a disgusted look on her face.  
  
“I need something greasy,” he replied after swallowing his mouthful, “Good hangover food. Where's Clarke? She'll let us get out the bacon and sausage!”  
  
Octavia pushed and shoved him across the room, back into the living room to get him away from the Griffins' food. She knew that if she let him loose, he could eat at least half of the food in the fridge, and probably more in the freezer. When she finally got him back into the living room, she found that everyone was awake now. Wells was handing Jasper a glass of water, who was holding his head, obviously very hung over from the night before. Monty had disappeared, but she could hear movement down the hall, so she assumed he had just gone to the bathroom. Finn and Raven were sitting on the couch a little stiffly, and Octavia could tell they were feeling awkward from the fight, and probably a little hung over as well.  
  
“Clarke isn't down here,” Finn said, answering Bellamy's question, “I think she and Lexa must have fallen asleep upstairs last night.”  
  
“I'll go get her,” Bellamy declared, and made to walk towards the stairs, but Octavia's eyes widened and she grabbed a hold of his shirt, stopping him before he could go any farther. She did not want to think about what he might find if he just burst into Clarke's bedroom unannounced. As much as she hoped that Clarke really was ready to tell people about her and Lexa, the brunette doubted that would go over well. So instead she quickly cut around her brother, heading straight for the stairs.  
  
“No, _I'll_ go get her,” she insisted, “You can stay here with everyone else. I know you have a thing for Clarke, but you don't need to barge in on her sleeping, hoping to get a peek.”  
  
She noticed that Bellamy started to blush as Raven laughed and Finn scowled.  
  
“I was _not_ trying to get a peek, and I _do not_ have a thing for Clarke!” he exclaimed, and as Octavia disappeared up the stairs she heard Raven saying, “Yeah, _sure_ you don't. You're not obvious or anything.”  
  
The brunette grinned, imagining the look on her brother's face, as she reached the top of the stairs and headed to Clarke's bedroom, making sure to walk loudly to try to give Clarke and Lexa warning that she was coming. The door was closed, which didn't surprise Octavia, and when she reached it she could hear murmuring inside. She couldn't tell what was being said, but she could tell that the two girls were definitely awake. Rather than barging in as she knew her brother would have done, and as she would have done if it were just Clarke in the room, she knocked loudly on the door. The murmuring stopped and she heard what she was pretty sure was a muttered, “Shit,” and then a noise as though someone had either fallen or stumbled, or some other kind of klutzy move, which made her assume it was Clarke who had done it.  
  
“Who is it?” she heard the blonde call as there was more almost frantic movement inside the room, and Octavia almost started laughing, pretty sure that at least one of them was trying to get dressed quickly.  
  
“It's me,” she called back, and then she heard footsteps moving quickly up to the door, and suddenly it opened, a slightly disheveled Clarke standing in the opening.  
  
“Good morning, Octavia,” the blonde said a bit too cheerfully, a smile plastered on her face, “How can I help you?”  
  
Octavia raised her eyebrows at her friend, a smirk on her face.  
  
“I didn't interrupt anything, did I?” she asked, not even bothering to hide her smirk or the glee in her voice.  
  
“Oh, no more than you interrupted yesterday when you all just showed up,” the blonde answered, the smile still on her face but with her teeth bared together.  
  
Octavia chuckled, and then looked past Clarke to Lexa who still sat on a very _un_ -made bed, her hair a bit wild and her clothing ever so slightly askew. Octavia didn't swing that way, but she could definitely see what the blonde saw in the other brunette; she was most definitely gorgeous, and her eyes were just as expressive as Lincoln's were.  
  
Octavia nodded to the other brunette and told her, “Sorry Lexa, I didn't mean to interrupt you.”  
  
Lexa simply looked at her and raised her eyebrows slightly before telling her very matter-of-factly, “Oh, do not worry Octavia, I am not the one truly affected by your interruption. If you had interrupted about twenty minutes ago, then we might have had some problems, but now...” She trailed off, and Octavia's jaw nearly dropped, the smile only growing on her face when she saw the scathing look that Clarke was shooting at her. She started laughing, but was able to pull it in when Clarke turned that scathing look on her, and instead coughed, trying to cover the laugh.  
  
“Yeah, well, you guys are just lucky it was me that came up,” she informed them, “Bellamy is hungry, and came very close to coming up to tell you that. I don't think he would have knocked.”  
  
Lexa stood up from the bed and stretched, reaching her hands up high into the air as she said, “He would have probably very much liked what he would have walked in on, then. However, I thank you for stopping him, and for knocking.”  
  
“Oh, he would have liked it alright,” Octavia agreed, rolling her eyes. “He probably would have tried to join you guys.” As much as Octavia didn't want to know about her brother's sexual prowess, there were way too many girls at school that talked about it for her not to know what her brother did, or rather, who he did. She had no doubt that having a threesome with Clarke and Lexa would be a highlight for him, if he were ever able to pull it off, especially considering how he felt for the blonde.  
  
Lexa simply gave her a deadpan stare before she replied, “You are probably right. I'm sorry, but if that had happened I would have had to murder your brother. I hope you understand.”  
  
Octavia simply nodded, thinking, _I like this girl. She's just what Clarke needs._ She believed it even more so when she realized how red Clarke's face had gotten.  
  
“Nah, I would totally have understood,” she informed the taller girl, “Besides, I've always wondered what it would be like to be an only child.”  
  
Clarke looked from the grin on Octavia's face to the smirk on Lexa's, before telling them, “Okay, I'm not sure I can support this friendship anymore. You two enjoy making me really uncomfortable too much.”  
  
Octavia just stepped forward and slung her arm around the blonde's shoulder before replying, “Ahh, you need us. We can work together to keep you on your toes! Life's too short to be comfortable! We'll make it way more fun for you! Well... She'll make it more fun for you, and then we'll both pick on you.”  
  
Before Clarke had a chance to say anything, Lexa moved closer to them, nodding.  
  
“I like this arrangement, personally,” she agreed, and both of the other girls could see the evil glimmer in her eye.  
  
Clarke just groaned, before saying, “You two are gonna be the death of me, I can tell.”  
  
Octavia just laughed, then danced away, heading back out of the room.  
  
“Probably,” she agreed, and then told them, “Now make yourselves presentable and get your butts downstairs, or I can't promise you Bell won't eat every edible thing in this house!”  
  
As Octavia headed back down the hallway to rejoin the group downstairs, she heard Clarke groan again before saying quietly to Lexa, “I'm never just gonna be able to get off in one go, am I?”  
  
“Not with your friends here, no,” Lexa told her, and Octavia started laughing as she headed back down the stairs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry this took so long! Unfortunately, I was hit with a major case of writer's block, so it severely hindered my motivation for this story. But! Because of that, I have come up with an overall idea of where this story is going, which I hadn't had before, so hopefully now I will be able to go back to updating on a fairly regular basis! Thanks, and thank you so much for your patience!


	9. Chapter 9

A few minutes later Clarke and Lexa both made their way down the stairs, now fully dressed and not looking at all like they had been fooling around just ten minutes ago. As they descended into the living room, Clarke took a quick look around. Jasper sat with his back up against the far wall, a glass of water next to him, his eyes closed. Monty sat next to him with his own glass of water, but he seemed to be doing much better than his best friend. Wells had pulled a book out of his bag and was curled up in his chair reading, while Raven and Finn sat on the couch talking quietly together. They couldn't see the other three as they came down the stairs, but they could hear the missing siblings, and when they finally reached the bottom of the stairs and looked towards the kitchen, they could easily see what was going on. Octavia stood in the doorway to the kitchen, her arms spread out holding on to the door frame, clearly trying to block the way. Bellamy stood in front of her, trying to get around his sister and into the kitchen. Lincoln stood to the side, a bemused smile on his face.  
  
“C'mon O, move!” Bellamy was saying, a scowl on his face, “I'm hungry!”  
  
Octavia simply shook her head and held on tighter to the doorway as Bellamy tried to plow through her before she replied, “Nu uh Bell, not gonna happen. I am not going to let you eat all of Clarke's food.”  
  
“I won't eat _all_ of it!” Bellamy insisted, trying to find an opening in his sister's defenses, “Just _some_ of it!”  
  
“I know how you eat, big brother,” Octavia reminded him, holding her ground, “For you 'some' just means everything but the vegetables.”  
  
Bellamy rolled his eyes at her, and then tried to get through again, but this time Clarke moved up behind him and tapped him on the shoulder, surprising him. She grinned up at him before saying, “So you're trying to rob me of my entire kitchen, huh? What kind of friend are you?”  
  
Bellamy scowled and replied, “The hungry kind.” He then looked at Clarke with the most pitiful expression he could make before he told her, “Clarke, I'm _hungry_. Don't you have something for breakfast?”  
  
The blonde raised her eyebrows at him before reminding him, “Uh, if you remember correctly, I didn't know any of you were coming over, so I didn't exactly plan to feed ten hungry people this morning. But, if you can be patient and just relax, I'll run to the store and grab stuff for breakfast sandwiches if everyone pitches in a few bucks. You can eat the leftover pizza while you wait.”  
  
Bellamy threw his arms around her, causing her to squeak in reply as he squeezed her against his chest.  
  
“Clarke, I love you,” he informed her, “You are a lifesaver, and way more helpful than _some_ people!” He threw that last part at his sister, who had relaxed her position in the doorway, crossing her arms over her chest. Octavia just rolled her eyes at him and flipped him off, causing a few of the people in the room to laugh. Lexa couldn't decide if she wanted to laugh at the sight of Clarke being squashed against Bellamy like that, or growl at it, so she decided to laugh at Octavia's response to her brother instead.  
  
“Alright, alright, you're squishing me,” Clarke muttered, pushing herself away from his hard chest, though a smile ghosted on her lips. He let her go and she took a step back, adjusting her shirt which he had wrinkled. She then looked over to Lexa and asked her, “Wanna come to the store with me?”  
  
Lexa smiled ever so slightly and then nodded, replying, “Sure, I can do that.”  
  
Clarke beamed in reply, and then looked back over to Octavia who was giving her a knowing look. Rather than focusing on that look, she pointed to Bellamy and told her, “O, please make sure he doesn't eat anything _other than_ the pizza? My mother does not need to come home to an empty fridge.”  
  
Octavia shot her a mock salute, saying, “Aye aye, Captain!”  
  
Clarke grinned back, and then went around the room and grabbed a few dollars from everyone. After getting the money, she moved to the front door, grabbed her favorite blue jacket from its hook and threw it on, Lexa following her. She checked her jacket pocket to make sure her car keys were in it, and then turned back to everyone.  
  
“Be back in like, fifteen minutes,” she told them, and then she and Lexa headed out.  
  
The car ride to the store only took about five minutes, and during the ride she and Lexa just talked, enjoying the peace of each others company. Once at the store they went in and picked up a couple bags of bagels, a dozen eggs, some cheese, and both bacon and sausage, and a few things for lunch in case everyone planned to stay that long. As they walked towards the cash register, Clarke saw the juice isle and made a quick decision to go down it and grabbed a few bottles of Gatorade, remembering how Jasper looked with his hang over. For everyone else, she grabbed a couple of bottles of juice. The two then checked out, and headed back to the car. Just as they were getting in to head back to Clarke's house, her cell phone started ringing. Clarke quickly pulled it out of her pocket, a little afraid that it was Octavia to tell her that she hadn't been able to keep Bellamy out of her fridge, but she immediately recognized her mother's caller id. She answered it quickly.  
  
“Hey Mom!” she said into the phone, “How's your weekend going?”  
  
“The weekend is going very well Clarke, how's yours?” her mother asked from the other end of the line, “How's the studying going?”  
  
Lexa sat in the passenger's seat, listening to Clarke's end of the conversation. The volume of the phone was just loud enough that she could partially make out what the blonde's mother was saying. She sighed silently, assuming they would be here for a bit while Clarke talked with her mother, and she leaned back to relax, letting her hands drop down beside her. However, as her hands dropped, she accidentally brushed against Clarke's hand, which was resting on the shifting gear between them, and the contact caused Clarke to shiver ever so slightly. Lexa noticed the shiver, and smirked, suddenly having an idea. She gently stroked her thumb across the back of Clarke's hand, and then up her arm slowly. She could feel Clarke's eyes on her, even as she tried to focus on the conversation with her mother.  
  
“The studying's going fine,” she lied, trying to keep the fact that her heart had just sped up out of her voice. She had seen the look on Lexa's face when she shivered, and from that look and the way Lexa's hand was slowly traveling up her arm, she had a feeling she knew where this was going. She looked around, but from where she had parked behind the store, she couldn't see anyone, and she didn't think anyone could see them. “You know, just a lot of reading and note cards.”  
  
“What's the test on again? I don't remember if you said,” her mother asked, and Clarke had to focus really hard on her mother's words as Lexa's hand suddenly left her arm, and the other girl leaned across the middle of the car and attached her lips to Clarke's neck. She was only just able to keep the moan that wanted so desperately to come out from escaping.  
  
“History,” she finally replied, somehow able to keep her voice steady even as she felt Lexa begin to nibble gently on her skin. “The Civil War. All kinds of stuff I have to know for it.”  
  
“Well I'm sure you'll do great,” Abby assured her, and she could hear the smile in her mother's voice, even if she was only half listening to the words, “You're taking the entire weekend to work on it, so I have no doubt you'll be ready by Tuesday.”  
  
“Yeah,” she finally managed to get out, as she felt Lexa's hand travel up her shirt and underneath her bra, grasping her breast firmly. “I'm definitely planning on working on it... all weekend. It'll totally be worth it.”  
  
She felt Lexa grin against her neck, her free hand tangling itself into Clarke's blonde locks. The hand beneath her shirt gently pinched her nipple, and Clarke had to bite her lip to keep any noises from coming out. She shifted in her seat slightly, inadvertently squeezing her thighs together to try to relive some of the pressure that had started to build up between them, a motion which Lexa very much noticed. Her grin grew even as her tongue slid against Clarke's skin, and she quickly drew her hand out from beneath the blonde's shirt.  
  
“I'm happy to hear how much hard work you're putting into this, Clarke,” her mother told her, “Though I know you always put hard work into everything you do. What?” There was some mumbling that Clarke wouldn't have been able to make out even if she had been focusing on her mother's words and not on the hand that was now hovering over the button of her jeans. The mumbling went on for a moment, and Clarke used that moment to give Lexa a very pointed look. Lexa had paused to allow Clarke to stop her if she didn't want her to continue, but the look that Clarke was giving her very clearly said, _Do it, right now!_ , so Lexa just smirked and quickly unbuttoned and unzipped Clarke's jeans, glad that she hadn't chosen to put a belt on that morning. She began to lightly rub her through her panties, just as her mother focused back into her conversation with her daughter.  
  
“Clarke, your father wants to talk to you. I'll be home tomorrow some time early evening, so we can talk more then. Here he is,” she said, and then suddenly Clarke heard her father's voice on the phone, saying, “Hey kiddo, how're you doing?”  
  
Though Clarke's toes were curling in her shoes, she somehow managed to keep her voice calm as she replied, “I'm good Dad, how're you?” She knew that she should probably feel very, very wrong for being in this position while talking to her parents on the phone, but Octavia had interrupted her before she could get off that morning, and she had no idea when she and Lexa would be alone (at least physically) again that day, so she couldn't make herself care. She cared even less as Lexa's fingers rubbed her clit through her underwear. She bucked into the hand slightly, trying to tell Lexa to give her more, but either the brunette didn't understand, or she wanted to tease the other girl further, since her fingers remained where they were on the wrong side of Clarke's underwear. From the look in Lexa's eyes, Clarke was pretty sure it was the second option.  
  
“I'm doing really well,” her father told her, “I've only got about two more weeks on this job, and then I'll be back home. I'm sorry I've been gone so long.”  
  
“It's... It's fine Dad, no worries,” Clarke replied, clenching her jaw to try to help her focus on her father's words rather than Lexa's fingers, “You're one of the top engineers in your field. I know you have to... travel sometimes for your work.”  
  
“Yeah, well when I get back, I promise you and your mother will have me all to yourselves for a while,” he promised her, “I won't be taking any jobs that require me to leave for more than a day or so for a while. I miss my girls.”  
  
“We miss you too, Dad,” Clarke told him, and then she looked down at Lexa, who had slowed down her fingers, sensing that this was actually a serious conversation and feeling a little guilty for taking Clarke's attention away from it. “Actually Dad, there's something I want to talk to you about. You and Mom.” Lexa's eyes widened, knowing what Clarke was referring to just from the look the blonde was giving her.  
  
“Oh?” her father asked, “Is this something I should be worried about?” Clarke could tell from his tone that he was joking, but that there was some seriousness to his words.  
  
“No,” she assured him, still maintaining eye contact with Lexa, who had completely stopped her motions with her fingers and had pulled away from her neck to look at her, “No, it's nothing to worry about, promise. Actually, it's something I'm really excited to tell you guys. I just want to tell you when we're together. I'm actually really looking forward to it.”  
  
There was an honesty and a heat in Clarke's eyes that Lexa was pretty sure would have actually made her heart do a somersault if it hadn't been held in place by arteries. As the grin spread on Clarke's face, the genuine smile grew on Lexa's, and suddenly her fingers slipped underneath the blonde's underwear and plunged into her, thrusting into her roughly. Clarke breathed out heavily through her nose as Lexa's fingers entered her, and her lip thrust firmly between her teeth to keep all noises from escaping.  
  
“Well then I look forward to hearing what you have to say, kiddo,” her father told her, and she only just barely was able to make the words make sense as almost all of her focus now was on the brunette who was furiously pumping her fingers into her.  
  
“Yeah... Me too Dad,” she replied, and then took a moment to try to regain a little composure before saying, “Dad? I hate to cut this short but... I, uh, am kinda in the middle of... studying right now... and I kinda need to... focus...”  
  
“Alright Clarke, I'll let you get back to your studying then,” he said, “Love you, and good luck on your test!”  
  
“Thanks... Dad,” she managed to say, without letting anything else escape her, “Love you too, and tell... Mom, I love her... too!”  
  
“Will do, kiddo. Bye!” he replied, and as soon as he hung up Clarke threw the phone down and her head back, her mouth hanging open as she finally let the noises out.  
  
“You... mmm... are a very, very... gah!... bad lady!” she informed Lexa, who just grinned at her.  
  
“At least I waited until you were off the phone to do this,” she told the blonde, and then she started to furiously rub her thumb against Clarke's clit as she continued to pound her fingers into the blonde, a combination she knew was sure to get the other girl off very quickly.  
  
“Uhhhfffuuuckkk!” Clarke moaned, one hand reaching up to hold the steering wheel tightly in her fingers, the other going directly to Lexa's wrist and closing around it in a vice-like grip. It took almost no time after that for her to begin shaking, her muscles finally reaching their max and then pushing her over the edge. Her inner muscles clenched around Lexa's fingers which she held still inside of Clarke as the other girl shook in her seat, loving the feeling of Clarke's insides trying to keep her there. Only when Clarke had been lying still for a few moments did Lexa finally remove her fingers from inside of the blonde. She drew them back slowly, and waited until Clarke's head had flopped over so that she was looking at the brunette, and then Lexa slowly brought her drenched fingers to her lips and started sucking on them, her own eyes closing as the scent and taste of Clarke overwhelmed her.  
  
After all of Clarke's juices had been sucked away, Lexa opened her eyes and saw Clarke staring at her, her lip back between her teeth. The taller girl smiled as she removed the fingers from her mouth, and then informed the blonde, “Just so you know, if this car wasn't so small I would eat you out right now, and make you scream some more. As it is though, I don't think there's really enough room in here to do that comfortably. Another time.”  
  
Clarke just groaned before shaking her head.  
  
“You,” she told the other girl, “Are seriously going to be the death of me.” Lexa just grinned, sitting back in her seat. Clarke then reached down and shakily re-buttoned and zipped her jeans before taking a deep breath, trying to calm herself down. Once she had calmed down some, she reached forward and turned the key in the ignition, starting the car.  
  
“Hey,” Lexa said kind of quietly, and Clarke looked over at her, worried a bit about the obvious shift in the other girl's mood. Lexa was looking down in front of her, clearly just trying not to look at the blonde. “Did you really mean what you said?” the brunette asked, “You know... That you're looking forward to telling your parents... about me?”  
  
Clarke smiled and then reached over, gently brushing her fingers against Lexa's jaw before telling her, “Yeah, I meant it. I really am.”  
  
“Oh,” was all she said for a moment, and then she looked over to Clarke, a small smile on her lips, but her eyes shining. “Good. I'm glad.”  
  
“Me too,” Clarke agreed, her own eyes shining, and then she sighed and let her hand drop down to the gear shift. “Alright, I guess we better get going, otherwise Bellamy really will eat everything in my house.”  
  
Lexa laughed, a genuine, beautiful laugh, and Clarke just smiled at her, happy to have this incredible woman by her side. 

***

By the time Clarke and Lexa made it back to the house, Bellamy had eaten all of the pizza, and had once again tried to get into Clarke's kitchen for more. Octavia had had the idea to get _Call of Duty_ out again to distract him, which had worked, but the moment the two girls stepped back into the living room, the older boy threw down his controller.  
  
“Finally!” he exclaimed, rushing over to Clarke, who was busy taking her shoes and jacket off, “What took you two so long?! That was not fifteen minutes!”  
  
“The store was busy, okay? There were a lot of people there, and then my mom called, so I had to talk to her for a few minutes,” Clarke informed him, pushing him away before he could grab one of grocery bags and start pulling out the food.  
  
“Yeah?” Raven asked, not taking all of her attention off of the screen as she shot at the character Bellamy had left defenseless when he got up, “And how is Mama Griffin doing? Happy to be with your dad again?”  
  
“Yeah, it sounds like they're having a good time,” Clarke replied, as she dug around one of the bags she was carrying and pulled out one of the Gatorades. She walked behind the couch and reached over it, handing it to Jasper, who sat there still looking rather pathetic. “Here,” she told him, “You look like you could use a boost of electrolytes.”  
  
Jasper grabbed it from her and then looked up at the blonde, giving her a big smile.  
  
“Thanks Clarke,” he said, “You always know how to take care of me when I'm hung over.”  
  
“I gotchya, no worries,” she informed him, leaning down and kissing his cheek before ruffling his hair, then she looked over to Monty, who was also playing the game. “Monty, do you need one too?”  
  
Monty shook his head, not taking his eyes off the screen.  
  
“Nah, but thanks Clarke,” he told her, “I'll have one later.”  
  
“Kay,” she replied, and then stood back up and began making her way to the kitchen, Lexa following after her with the third grocery bag, “I'll go get started with the breakfast sandwiches then.”  
  
“You're a true hero, Clarke Griffin,” Bellamy called after her, as he sat back down and picked his controller back up to return to the game.  
  
Octavia, who had been sitting on the couch between Jasper and Lincoln, stood up and moved over to Bellamy and smacked him on the back of his head before starting to follow Clarke to the kitchen.  
  
“You're such an ass, Bell,” she grumbled at him, “You could offer to help her, you know.”  
  
Bellamy sighed in exasperation, and was about to get up, just as Clarke stuck her head back into the room, saying, “Nope, that's fine, you just keep playing the game, Bellamy. I got this.”  
  
Bellamy grinned and stuck his tongue out at his sister, who just stuck her tongue out back at him, before she headed into the kitchen. As she entered the room and found Clarke and Lexa taking food out of the bags, she said, “Clarke, you shouldn't let him walk all over you like that. Make him cook his own food.”  
  
Clarke looked over her shoulder, and raised her eyebrows at the other girl before telling her, “I'm not letting him walk all over me, Octavia. If Bellamy comes in here, there won't be any food left over for anyone else cause he'll eat everything.”  
  
Octavia thought about this for a moment, and then nodded.  
  
“Yep, okay, I see what you mean,” she agreed, moving up behind the other two girls. “So what can I do to help?”  
  
“Bagel duty?” Clarke advised, and Octavia nodded.  
  
“Hand 'em over,” she agreed, and Lexa handed her the bags of bagels.  
  
Wells suddenly walked into the room and asked, “Can I help with anything?”  
  
Clarke smiled at him and nodded, replying, “I bet we can come up with something for you to do. Can you find out who wants what on their sandwich? Who wants bacon or sausage?”  
  
“Sure,” he told her, and then turned around to get everyone's orders.  
  
The four worked together, cooking bagels, eggs, bacon and sausage and then putting them all together and adding cheese to each person's preference. Once they were all done, they brought all of the sandwiches out and gave them to their prospective person. Finally Clarke went around with cups and the juice that she had bought, to top off the breakfast. As all of the food came out, everyone cheered, and then the game paused as they all ate and talked. Finally they all finished, and as Bellamy swallowed his last bite, he sighed happily, leaning back against the foot of the couch.  
  
“Mm,” he sighed, “Good breakfast Clarke. Very good.”  
  
Clarke grinned, and then replied, “Thanks, but it wasn't all me. I had some help.”  
  
Everyone clapped for the four cooks, making them all laugh. Just as they were about to start the video game again, Octavia turned to Clarke and asked, “Hey Clarke, is it nice out?”  
  
The blonde nodded, saying, “Yeah, it's pretty nice out. Why?”  
  
The brunette girl stood up, stretching, as she answered, “I say we go enjoy the pool then! Time to soak up some sun!”  
  
She moved over to her bag and dug through it and pulled out a bathing suit, and then headed down the hall to the bathroom as Raven cheered after her.  
  
“Agreed! Time to sun bathe!” she exclaimed, jumping up also, and then pulled Finn up behind her.  
  
Clarke turned to Lexa, who was squished next to her in one of the two big chairs.  
  
“What do you say? Wanna head outside?” she asked, a smile on her face.  
  
Lexa shrugged before telling her, “Sure, but I don't have any bathing suit, so I'll just hang out on the deck.”  
  
Clarke shook her head and then pushed herself up out of the chair and then turned to the taller girl, reaching down to help her get up.  
  
“Uh uh,” she told Lexa, “You are so not sitting out. You can just borrow one of my bathing suits.”  
  
The brunette took Clarke's hand and allowed her to pull her to her feet, even as she raised her eyebrows at her.  
  
“You think your bathing suit will fit me?” Lexa responded, looking from Clarke's chest to her own. While they weren't too different, it was clear that Clarke's chest was larger than her own. Clarke saw the look, and then grinned.  
  
“I think you'd look amazing in my bathing suit,” Clarke whispered, “And yes, it'll fit also.”  
  
Lexa smiled slightly and then nodded, ushering for Clarke to lead the way. The blonde did, leading the brunette back up the stairs and into her room. Clarke headed straight for her bureau, opening one of the drawers, and then pulled out a few bathing suits. She brought them over to the bed and tossed them on top of it before turning to Lexa and telling her, “Which would you like? Your choice.”  
  
Lexa shook her head and told her, “They're your bathing suits, you should choose which one you want.”  
  
It was Clarke's turn to shake her head as she grinned.  
  
“Nope,” she replied, and Lexa could hear the grin in her voice, “You're my guest; you choose.”  
  
Lexa considered arguing some more, but she could see from the look in Clarke's eyes that she wasn't going to give in, so she just rolled her eyes, grinned, and then looked down at the bathing suits on the bed.  
  
There were three of them: one was a dark blue with green polka dots on it, the second white with red and pink hearts on it, and the third was simply solid black. All three were bikinis. Lexa grabbed the black one, raising her eyebrows at Clarke, who then grabbed the blue one. Without another word, Clarke grabbed the hem of her shirt and pulled it over her head, not breaking eye contact until the fabric obstructed her eye sight. As soon as the shirt was over her head, she looked back at Lexa who was shaking her head, a grin on her face and taking off her own shirt. The two girls stripped out of their clothing and put the bathing suits on, neither being shy about sneaking peaks at the other, but not doing anything more than looking. Standing now in the bathing suits, Clarke grinned and nodded her head.  
  
“Yep, I was right,” she declared, eying Lexa in her suit, “It fits fine, and you look amazing.”  
  
Lexa grinned back at her as she rolled her eyes.  
  
“Yeah yeah, you were right, it fits,” she agreed, and then allowed her eyes to scale over Clarke's body in the tight bathing suit, “As for looking amazing, I think you win that contest.”  
  
Clarke's grin grew, and then she reached out and grabbed Lexa's arm.  
  
“C'mere,” she mumbled, and pulled the taller girl to her, and quickly brought their lips together for a quick kiss.  
  
Before the kiss could get too out of hand, however, Lexa grinned and broke away, grabbing Clarke's hand.  
  
“Come on, they're probably waiting for us,” she reminded the blonde, pulling her towards the door.  
  
“I don't mind making them wait some more,” Clarke grumbled, but allowed Lexa to pull her out of the room.  
  
As the two came bounding down the stairs, they found Jasper and Monty still waiting to use the bathroom to change. Bellamy, Wells, Finn, Raven, Octavia and Lincoln had already changed and headed outside. Before Clarke and Lexa joined them, Clarke called to the two boys, “Can you guys grab some towels out of the bathroom? They're on the shelf next to the shower. Thanks!”  
  
Jasper and Monty both nodded, and Clarke and Lexa headed into the kitchen and outside. Reaching the deck, they found Octavia, Lincoln and Finn pulling some beach chairs out from under the deck where they were stored, and Bellamy running the pool net quickly through the water to get any bugs or leaves out of it before they all jumped in. Raven seemed to just be supervising as she spread a towel on the grass, and they didn't see Wells anywhere.  
  
Raven sat down on her towel, tossing her head back and looking up at the blue morning sky. She took a deep breath, sighing loudly as she let it back out.  
  
“Yep, this is a beautiful day,” she confirmed happily, before she laid out on the towel and closed her eyes.  
  
“Don't get comfortable,” Octavia warned her, placing a chair off beside her a little ways, “You are so going in the pool.”  
  
Raven opened one of her eyes to look at the other girl as she argued, “Uh uh, I am happy right here.”  
  
Octavia smirked, walking closer to the lazy girl.  
  
“Too bad, you're going in, even if I have to push you in,” she informed her, causing Raven to glare up at her.  
  
“Don't you dare,” she warned her, giving the other girl one of her best glares.  
  
Octavia's grin just grew, before she replied, “Oh, I dare. And that reminds me...” She trailed off as she turned to look at her brother, whose back was towards her. She snuck over to him, making almost no noise, and Clarke considered calling out to warn Bellamy, but wanted to see this too much to make the effort. Bellamy was standing at the deeper end of the pool, and turned around just as Octavia got up behind him. She thrust her arms out, pushing him hard, and he toppled over the edge of the pool, creating a loud splash as he sunk below the surface. He didn't stay down for long though, as he almost immediately resurfaced, spluttering and trying to get some water out of his nose.  
  
“What the hell?!” he yelled, then looked up at his little sister as he tread the water, “What the hell was that for?!”  
  
“That was for last night,” Octavia informed him, grinning down at him, “I warned you I was gonna push you into the pool. It isn't my fault if you weren't paying attention enough to remember.”  
  
Clarke laughed, before saying, “It's true Bellamy, she did warn you. And it serves you right for getting Finn and Raven into another one of their fights!”  
  
Lexa noticed Raven almost start blushing at the mention of the fight, but Finn was just grinning, enjoying the show. Just then Monty and Jasper walked outside carrying towels. They noticed Bellamy in the pool and Octavia standing on the edge, and Jasper groaned.  
  
“Aww man, did we miss Octavia push Bellamy in again?” he whined, “That's always hilarious!”  
  
“I will get you back for this,” Bellamy warned Octavia, who just made a shooing motion with her hand.  
  
“Bring it on, Big Brother,” she declared, and then took a few steps back and then ran forward, jumping over Bellamy's head before landing further out into the pool and creating another splash.  
  
Jasper whooped, his fist pumping in the air, and then ran forward also, jumping in right after Octavia. Monty and Finn followed him, creating simultaneous splashes, Lincoln following behind. Clarke looked over to Lexa and held out her hand.  
  
“I'll jump if you jump,” she told the taller girl, and Lexa grinned, taking the offered hand.  
  
“I'll always jump with you,” she replied, and Clarke's smile grew, and the two ran forward together, leaping off of the edge and falling into the water, their hands still clasped firmly together.  
  
The water was colder than it looked, but not so cold that Lexa couldn't stand it. She and Clarke released hands once in the water, so that they could pull themselves up to the surface. As soon as her face broke through the water, Lexa gasped, taking in a deep breath of oxygen. She looked over to find Clarke emerging from the water as well, and the two girls grinned at each other.  
  
“C'mon Raven, get in!” Finn called over to his girlfriend, who was still laying on her towel.  
  
“Nope, I'm happy right here,” Raven replied without even looking up.  
  
Just then Wells came out of the house in his bathing suit, carrying some kind of box under his arm. As he came down the deck and closer, Clarke squinted at him, a look of confusion on her face as she swam over to the side of the pool and held onto it.  
  
“Wells is that my chess set?” she asked, and from where he was now, Lexa could make out the pictures of chess pieces on the cover of the box.  
  
He nodded as he put it down in one of the chairs that had been pulled out.  
  
“Yeah,” he replied, “I thought Lexa and I could play a game. I'm interested to see how well she plays.”  
  
Lexa smiled slightly up at the boy as she joined Clarke at the pool's edge.  
  
“I'd like that,” she stated, “But in a little while. Join us?”  
  
Wells smiled back, and then moved to the edge of the pool. Rather than jump in, he sat on the edge and slipped into the water, shivering slightly as his body submerged.  
  
“Alright Raven, now you definitely have to join us,” Octavia called to the other girl, “Everyone's in here except you!”  
  
“I'm good,” she said, flipping her hand towards the pool but still not getting up at all.  
  
Octavia rolled her eyes, but then she felt someone tap her shoulder so she turned around. Finn was behind her, an evil glimmer in his eyes as he put his finger to his lips, telling her to be quiet, and then he motioned her to follow him. Having a good idea where this was going, Octavia grinned, following, and Bellamy and Clarke, who had both seen the motion followed too. The four of them very quietly pulled themselves out of the pool while Jasper and Monty began to have a loud debate over some video game characters, to try to cover the noise of their movements. Lexa watched as they stalked up to Raven, surprised at the silence of their movements. Raven had no idea what was happening until they were suddenly all standing above her.  
  
Realizing what was about to happen, Raven began, “No-” but before she could say anything else, they all reached down and grabbed her. Finn and Bellamy each had an arm, and Octavia and Clarke each had a leg, and they hoisted her up and brought her over to the edge of the pool. The entire time they were carrying her, Raven was protesting, but they ignored her, and once they got to the edge of the pool, they began to rock her from side to side, and Finn began counting.  
  
“One...”  
  
“No, Finn!”  
  
“Two...”  
  
“I mean it, don't you dare!”  
  
“Three!”  
  
On three as her body swung towards the water, they all let go, and Raven went flying out over the water, creating the loudest splash yet. She spluttered to the surface as everyone laughed, swearing.  
  
“Fuck you!” she spluttered as all four of them quickly jumped back into the water, “Fuck you all!”  
  
Finn swam over to where she was, grinning.  
  
“Aww, come on Raven,” he chuckled, “We just wanted you to come have some fun with us! It's no fun when you don't join in!”  
  
“I just wanted to throw her in the pool,” Bellamy argued, getting a glare from Raven, and Octavia echoed, “Diddo,” causing Raven to turn her glare on her.  
  
“Okay, well then _I_ don't have any fun without you,” Finn amended, and then got even closer to her and gave her his best apologetic sad eyes. “Forgive me?”  
  
Raven glowered for a moment, and then rolled her eyes.  
  
“Fine, I forgive you!” she finally exclaimed, and then added, “But you are gonna have to do some serious sucking up after this!”  
  
“But I thought you forgive me!” Finn replied, mock hurt in his voice.  
  
She just rolled her eyes again.  
  
“Just because I forgive you doesn't mean you're off the hook,” she informed him, splashing him a little.  
  
Finn shook his head, getting the water out of his face that she had just splashed at him, and then sighed out, “Women.”  
  
Bellamy swam over to him and then slung an arm over his shoulders before telling him, “Just smile and nod, my friend. It's impossible to ever actually understand anything they say.” All of the men in the pool nodded.  
  
Finn just shook his head, and then looked back at Raven, and smiled and nodded.  
  
“Yes dear,” he said, “Whatever you say.”  
  
Raven, Octavia and Clarke all laughed, and even Lexa smirked slightly.  
  
“Alright now that that's figured out,” Jasper exclaimed, “Who's up for Marco Polo?!”  
  
They played the game for a long while, Jasper starting out as the person trying to tag someone, everyone playing that role at some point. When they got tired with that, they all moved to the slightly shallower end of the pool and played chicken, starting with Octavia up on her brother's shoulders, and Raven up on Finn's. Octavia and Bellamy won, knocking Raven off of Finn first, and then Clarke and Wells faced them, Clarke up on Wells's shoulders. The siblings won once again, but then they took a break, and Jasper got up on Bellamy's shoulders and Monty got up on Lincoln's. Monty and Lincoln won, and then Monty got down and Octavia got up on Lincoln's shoulders. Octavia looked over at Lexa and grinned.  
  
“I challenge Lexa and Clarke!” she exclaimed, “You will not defeat us!”  
  
Lexa and Clarke looked at each other, and from the spark in Lexa's eyes, Clarke could tell that Lexa was fine with the idea. The blonde then looked back at Octavia, already looming over them from Lincoln's shoulders, and replied, “Challenge accepted.”  
  
They took a moment to figure out who was going to get on whose shoulders, but finally Clarke sat atop Lexa, and the two girls turned to face their opponents. Bellamy moved between the two sets of people and raised his hand up in the air. When he saw that they were all ready, he brought his arm down, yelling, “Begin!”  
  
Neither team attacked right away, trying to size up their opponents. Those watching had assumed that Lexa and Clarke wouldn't stand a chance against the other two, since you need a really solid base for this game, but they had all failed to take into account that Lexa was a dancer, and had been balancing people on her shoulders every now and then for years now, outside of the water. So when Lincoln finally lunged forward, Lexa easily side-stepped the lunge, holding onto Clarke's legs as she moved. Clarke allowed her weight to flow with Lexa, as opposed to fighting the movement, so their opponents walked right past them. In the second that Lincoln and Octavia's backs were turned to them, Lexa stepped in, Clarke reached forward to try to push the other two over. Lincoln and Octavia felt the move coming, however, and were able to turn just in time to stop the attack. Octavia reached forward, and her and Clarke's arms locked, and the two girls tried to push against the other, hoping the other would lose their balance first. Lexa and Lincoln just stared at each other, little smirks on both of their faces.  
  
“You're going down, Griffin,” Octavia told her as she pushed against her best friend.  
  
“Not until you go down, Blake,” Clarke replied, and finally the two bases stepped away, making the two tops let go of one another.  
  
They circled once again, and this time it was Lexa who attacked first, moving towards Lincoln and hooking one foot around one of his ankles, balancing most of their combined weight on one foot. She yanked with her foot, just as Clarke reached out and pushed at Octavia, and it looked like they were going to win as Lincoln and Octavia began to go down. Unfortunately, Octavia didn't let go of Clarke as they fell, so the combined weight of all of them, plus the fact that Lexa still was trying to balance primarily on one foot, caused her to lose her footing, and they fell right alongside the other two. They all resurfaced, laughing.  
  
“Alright, so we both went down,” Clarke admitted, and Octavia nodded.  
  
“I guess I can deal with that,” the brunette agreed, grinning.  
  
A few more rounds were played before the group decided it was time for something new to play, and Lexa moved over to the side of the pool and pulled herself up, turning to sit on the side as the others tried to figure out what to do next. Wells saw her leave, and then moved over to her.  
  
“Any chance you'd be interested in chess now?” he asked, a smile on his face, and a small smile broke out on Lexa's face seeing it.  
  
“Sure,” she agreed, nodding, and his smile grew as he pulled himself out of the pool onto the grass and went over to start getting the game set up. Before following him, Lexa looked over to Clarke who was looking over at her. She smiled at the blonde and then waved, silently telling her that she was fine and was getting out of the pool. Clarke smiled back and nodded, and then turned to her other friends, still trying to decide what was next.  
  
Lexa pulled herself up and then walked over to the small pile of towels that Monty and Jasper had dropped on the ground when they came out. She grabbed one and used it to ring some of the water out of her hair, before she wrapped it around her body. She then made her way over to Wells, who was setting the chessboard up on a small table he had set between two of the chairs. She sat in the one opposite Wells and helped him finish setting up the board.  
  
“Which would you like to be, white or black?” Wells asked her, giving her the opportunity to choose.  
  
She shook her head before saying, “It doesn't matter to me, I'm fine with either.”  
  
He nodded, and then carefully turned to board so that the black pieces were facing him.  
  
“Then I'll be black,” he told her, and then gestured to her side of the board, “You make the first move.”  
  
Lexa did, moving one of her pawns two places forward, and then Wells did the same with one of his pawns. The game went on for a long while, neither person talking much, more just studying the board as each player took their turn. Lexa soon could see what Clarke meant by Wells being a good player; he clearly had studied the game intently, and very clearly was always thinking at least three moves in advance. Luckily for her, she also had been taught to study the board closely and could also see the game advancing in her mind before it actually did so in front of her. The two seemed to be fairly balanced, and she smiled as she realized how long of a game this might turn into.  
  
After almost an hour of playing, Wells reached forward and moved one of his pieces, except this time he spoke as he did so.  
  
“You are clearly a very good player,” he told her as he moved one of his knights, “You said your father taught you to play?”  
  
“Mm,” Lexa replied, studying the various moves on the board before she reached out and moved one of her rooks. “He taught me when I was little. He told me it was a game all about strategy, and that strategy was important not only in battle, but in life too.”  
  
Wells nodded, and then took a moment before he moved a piece.  
  
“That's smart,” he agreed, “My father told me it was a game that would help me think better, because you have to be a good thinker to get anywhere in life.” He reached forward and moved a bishop, taking one of her pawns as he did so.  
  
“Also very smart,” Lexa concluded, and then paused before moving anything, studying where all of the pieces were and all of her various options.  
  
“Does your mother play too?” he asked, just as she was about to reach forward to move her own bishop, but she froze.  
  
After a moment, without looking up at him, she moved her bishop, and informed him, “My mother died. But yes, she did play too.”  
  
“Oh. Lexa, I'm... I'm sorry,” Wells finally said to her, his mind momentarily out of the game, “I'm sorry, I didn't know.”  
  
Lexa just shrugged and looked up at him, her face expressionless.  
  
“It's fine,” she told him, “I was little when she died, so I've gotten past it.”  
  
“May I... May I ask what happened?” he asked, not wanting to be nosey, but wanting to be able to provide any comfort he could.  
  
Lexa took a silent breath before she asked him, “You heard me say last night that my parents were both member of the Marine Corps, right?” He nodded, and she continued, “Well, both of them went on a number of tours before I was born, but afterwards they didn't go on many, only one or two when they were really needed. When I was seven my mother was called for duty once again, and she went. She never came back.”  
  
It was said so matter-of-factly that someone might have believed Lexa was over the loss of her mother. Wells wasn't just someone though, and he could read the pain that still haunted Lexa in her eyes, even if she tried to hide it. He wanted to reach forward to pat her hand, or make some kind of physical contact with her, but the chessboard was between them, and he didn't think she would necessarily appreciate it anyway. So instead, he decided to give her a piece of him in return.  
  
“I lost my mother too,” he informed her, and he didn't look away when she looked up at him. “I was only four... Drunk driver got her. I was in the car too, but I got away with just a broken arm. She didn't even make it to the hospital though.”  
  
“I'm... sorry,” she said to him quietly, “I can't imagine losing someone so young. Do you remember her very well?”  
  
“Some,” he admitted, smiling slightly at the memories he still had of his mother, “I remember my fourth birthday party, and how she smiled the whole time, even when I dropped a piece of cake on the carpet. I remember her smell, and I watch home videos to remember her voice. And my dad used to tell me all kinds of stories about her. He doesn't talk about her very much anymore though; I think it hurts him to talk about her.”  
  
Lexa nodded before saying quietly, “My father only talks about my mother every now and then too. But sometimes I catch him staring at a picture of her, and I know he's remembering everything about her. I remember my mother, but sometimes remembering isn't enough.”  
  
“I know what you mean,” Wells agreed, finally moving one of his chess pieces, “You can't touch a memory, or a person in a home video. You can't feel their hands rubbing your back, or arms wrapping around you to hug you and tell you you're safe.”  
  
“Yes,” Lexa agreed, moving one of her pieces forwards, “And no matter how hard you wish, you know you'll never be able to bring them back, or even just be able to tell them about your day. You'll never be able to just tell them how much... How much you miss them. How much you love them.”  
  
Wells nodded, studying Lexa until she looked up at him. He smiled softly at her, trying to show her how much he understood what she felt, and he saw her reading his eyes, and then nodded. They understood each other, and though it was a horrible loss that they had both suffered, they both got comfort in knowing that another person knew their pain. They broke eye contact, and both looked back at the board, and Wells continued.  
  
They had been playing for at least another fifteen minutes when Clarke came over, rubbing one of the towels on her head, trying to get rid of some of the water in her hair. She grabbed one of the extra chairs and pulled it over beside the table, between Lexa and Wells.  
  
“What game number is this?” she asked, taking a look at the board in front of her. While Wells had a couple more pieces on the board than Lexa, it was clear the other girl was holding her own, which against Wells was saying something.  
  
“Still the first,” Wells replied, as Lexa moved her remaining knight forward and took his last bishop.  
  
Clarke's eyes widened and she exclaimed, “You guys are still on your _first_ game?! You've been playing for over an hour!”  
  
“Chess takes great patience, Clarke,” Lexa informed her, her eyes not leaving the board, “You must think of every possible move before you decide which move is best.”  
  
“She's pretty good at chess, she just isn't as patient as you need to be sometimes,” Wells told Lexa, referring to how Clarke played the game.  
  
“Hey, I'm patient, but I'm not gonna sit and stare at the board for hours while you make one move,” Clarke replied, poking his arm, causing him to smile.  
  
“It doesn't take me hours to make one move,” he argued, “Maybe just a few minutes.” He moved a rook and captured the knight that had taken his bishop.  
  
Lexa frowned in concentration, and then moved her queen, saying, “However long it takes you to move, you do so very well. Check.”  
  
Wells moved his king out of danger, and Clarke watched as the game progressed further. For a while it seemed as though the game was going to go on forever, as each player saved and lost pieces. Finally however, Wells moved his knight and said, “Checkmate in three.”  
  
Lexa frowned again, staring at the board, but after a minute she shook her head, smiling. She reached forward, and tilted her king over, ending the game.  
  
“I concede,” she told him, and then reached out to shake his hand, which he gladly did, “You are a fantastic player, Wells.”  
  
“You are too,” he replied, smiling, “I hope we can play again sometime. This was the best game I've played in a while. No offense Clarke.”  
  
Clarke held up her hands and informed him, “Hey, none taken. You two are clearly chess beasts. I am just a chess baby, not yet developed fully into a chess beast.”  
  
They both grinned at her, and Wells shook his head.  
  
“You'll get there someday,” he told her, “Especially now that I have Lexa to help me mold you into a chess beast. It was becoming a little impossible all by myself.”  
  
“Hey!” Clarke exclaimed and he laughed, even as she reached out and smacked him softly on the arm, “I resent that!”  
  
“Okay okay, I take it back!” he finally admitted, laughing, “You aren't a hopeless case at all!”  
  
“Got that right!” the blonde replied as Wells stood up, shaking his head and laughing, and moved to join the others where they were all hanging out either in or near the pool.  
  
Lexa watched him walk away, and when he was no longer within earshot, she told Clarke, “I like him.”  
  
Clarke's grin grew slightly as she said, “Yeah? Me too. Wells is my oldest friend. We pretty much grew up together. Our parents were all friends, so we've been together pretty much since we were babies.”  
  
Lexa nodded, and then informed her, “He told me about his mother. What happened to her.”  
  
Clarke looked at the brunette in surprise, the grin leaving her face.  
  
“He told you about her?” she asked, and Lexa nodded again. Clarke looked back over at Wells before she told her, “Wow, he must really like you then. He doesn't talk about his mom much.”  
  
“Mm,” Lexa acknowledged her, and then added, “I told him about my mother as well.”  
  
Clarke raised her eyebrows slightly, surprised even further. Lexa had told her about her mother and what happened to her back when they were at Camp Ark together, but since then it hadn't really been a topic that the brunette brought up very much. The fact that she had talked about it with Wells spoke volumes to how much she wanted this relationship to work out, since Clarke knew that Lexa wouldn't talk about her mother with most people. She reached out and took Lexa's hand, and the brunette looked at her. Clarke brought the hand to her face, and pressed it against her cheek softly, hoping to show Lexa just how much she cared for the other girl in that moment. Lexa's eyes lit up slightly, and the corner of Clarke's lips turned up before she brought the hand to her lips, kissing it gently.  
  
“Come on,” she told the brunette, standing up, “Let's go make sandwiches for everyone. I bet people are getting kind of hungry.”  
  
Lexa nodded, and then she let Clarke pull her to her feet, and the blonde led the way back into the house, never letting go of Lexa's hand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooooo... I'm foolish. I have had this chapter ready for a while now, and am only just now seeing that it was never actually posted, and was only a draft. Oops. But here it is! Sorry for the massively long wait! On the plus side, it means you get two chapters back to back! Hope you enjoy!


	10. Chapter 10

Clarke's heart was beating so fast, she was pretty sure it was going to come out of her chest, and she wasn't even home yet. Rather than going right home once school got out, she was standing next to her car in the parking lot. If she was being honest with herself, she was procrastinating, putting off the ride home, because she no longer felt confident. She knew she had to go, had to do this, but her palms were sweating and she couldn't stop fidgeting due to her nerves. She tried taking a few deep breaths to calm herself down, but that only made her more light-headed, to the point where she had to lean against her car to keep herself from falling over. Octavia and Lexa, who were standing with her, were watching her, worried expressions on both of their faces.  
  
Two weeks had come and gone, much faster than Clarke had believed possible. That Saturday afternoon, after she and Lexa had made sandwiches for everyone, people had started to trickle out of her house, until finally it had been just she and Lexa left. That night and the first few hours of the next morning had been some of the best hours of Clarke's life, and she most certainly wouldn't be forgetting any of _that_ for a long time, but then Lexa had had to leave before the blonde's mother got home. From the moment Abby had walked back into the house, things had turned a little tense. Her mother knew that there was something important that she needed to talk about, and had tried to bring it up a few times, but Clarke had always quickly changed the subject. Now however, she was wondering if maybe she should have tried talking to her parents separately. Would it have been easier that way? Honestly, she had no idea, except that she did _not_ want to do this.  
  
“Clarke, would you relax already, you're starting to make _me_ nervous,” Octavia exclaimed, crossing her arms over her chest as she leaned on the car beside the blonde, “And I never get nervous!”  
  
“Ughhh,” Clarke groaned, turning around and throwing her arms against the roof of her car before resting her head on them, “I can't do this. I feel like I'm going to puke.”  
  
“Clarke, Octavia's right, you must try to relax,” Lexa told her, reaching out to lightly place her hand on the other girl's shoulder in comfort. “Getting yourself all worked up is not going to help things.”  
  
“I don't think I can relax, Lexa,” the blonde informed her without picking her head up from her arms, “I feel like I'm either going to puke, or have a heart attack, and I have no idea which it's gonna be.”  
  
“Well you did kind of get more pale as the day went on, so my money's on puking,” Octavia murmured, and Lexa glared at her.  
  
“Not helping,” she growled to the other brunette who just shrugged. Lexa turned back to Clarke, tugging slightly on the blonde's arm to get her to turn around. She did, but she still looked panicked, and Lexa just felt guilty for making her feel this way. “You know Clarke, you don't have to do this,” she said softly to the blonde girl, and Clarke actually looked up at her quizzically. “I mean, I won't make you. If you aren't ready to come out to your parents yet, then that's fine. We don't have to change things.”  
  
Before she had even finished, Clarke was shaking her head.  
  
“No Lexa, I want to do this,” she replied quickly, and then paused, rethought her words, and continued, “I mean, I don't _want_ to do this; I'm terrified, and wish I could just skip the next couple of hours, but I _need_ to do this. I want to be out and proud; I want my parents to know about you, and how I feel about you. I just really wish I didn't have to tell them. I wish they just... knew.”  
  
“Maybe they do, on some level,” Octavia replied, and when Clarke gave her a exasperated look, she held up her hands, saying, “Hey, all I'm saying is that your parents are both really smart people, and they might already have a tiny inkling that you're not one hundred percent straight.”  
  
“Doubt it,” Clarke muttered, and Octavia rolled her eyes at the blonde.  
  
“Okay, fine, then if you don't want to have to tell them, just moan real loudly the next time Lexa sneaks into your bedroom at night,” Octavia countered, leaning against the car with one arm on the roof and putting the other to her hip, “They walk in on _that_ , and I don't think you'll have to explain anything to 'em. They'll be able to figure it all out for themselves.”  
  
This time both of the other girls glared at her, and together they chorused, “Really, not helping.”  
  
Hearing them speak in unison made Octavia's eyes widen, and a big smirk broke out on her face.  
  
“Hey, you two are getting really good at that,” she told them, “You really are in love.”  
  
Clarke blushed slightly, and Lexa looked away from them both, purposefully not meeting their eyes, and it was all Octavia could do not to laugh at the two awkward girls in front of her.  
  
“Alright O, thanks for all your help, you can go home now,” Clarke insisted, reaching forward and pushing her lightly towards where her car was parked.  
  
Octavia just shook her head, the grin still on her face.  
  
“Yeah yeah, you want alone time with your girlfriend, I gotchya,” she teased, but then she became serious once again and told Clarke softly, “But seriously Clarke, call me, okay? If you need anything. You know I'm here for you.”  
  
Clarke's annoyance with her foolish friend softened, and she gave the girl a small smile.  
  
“I will, O,” she replied, “Thanks.”  
  
Octavia nodded, giving her a mock salute, and then headed over to her car and headed home, leaving the two girls alone in the parking lot. Clarke let out a big sigh before saying, “I guess I'd better go get this over with.”  
  
Lexa stepped up behind Clarke, and wrapped her arms around the blonde's waist, pulling her close. Clarke turned into the taller girl's arms and threw her arms around her shoulders, leaning her cheek against Lexa's collarbone.  
  
“It really will be okay, Clarke,” Lexa insisted softly as she held the blonde close to her.  
  
“Oh yeah?” Clarke asked, “Can you promise that?”  
  
Lexa pulled back just slightly, and used her fingers to tilt Clarke's chin up so that she could look into Lexa's eyes. The emotions she saw in them caused her heart to beat for a whole other reason.  
  
“I can promise that I will be here for you, no matter what,” the brunette promised her, “Whether your parents accept you for who you are or not. I will be here for you.”  
  
“I know that,” Clarke admitted, a small smile on her lips, “I think that's the only reason I'm going to have enough courage to go through with this. You make it worth it, no matter what happens.”  
  
Lexa smiled back at her, and then leaned down the couple of inches so that she could slowly kiss Clarke, trying to help relieve some of her anxiety, and also to show her just how much she cared. It wasn't a really long kiss, but it was what Clarke had needed. When they pulled back, the blonde sighed slightly and then nodded.  
  
“Right,” she said, “Okay. I can do this.”  
  
“Yes,” Lexa agreed, the encouraging smile back on her lips, “You can.”  
  
With one more nod, Clarke stepped back, out of Lexa's arms and moved over to her car, opening the door and getting in. Lexa watched her get herself situated, and then walked over to the driver-side when Clarke rolled down her window.  
  
“Alright, I'm going,” she told Lexa, “Give me a kiss for good luck.”  
  
Lexa laughed softly, shaking her head.  
  
“I already did,” she reminded Clarke, “Just a minute ago, remember?”  
  
Clarke pouted, letting her lower lip stick out and causing Lexa to laugh once again.  
  
“I need another one,” the blonde insisted, “I need a lot of luck for this.”  
  
Lexa shook her head once again, and then leaned down, sticking her face through the window and also slinking one arm in so that she could cup the back of Clarke's neck, and pull her into a long, slow kiss.  
  
Finally she pulled her face back and let go of Clarke's neck. Raising her eyebrows at the blonde, she asked, “Better?”  
  
“Oh yeah,” Clarke answered, nodding her head emphatically, “That makes it much better. I feel incredibly lucky right now.”  
  
“Good,” Lexa replied, and then carefully removed herself from the car completely, saying, “Now I need to get out of your window. I feel like a prostitute, standing like that.”  
  
A very large grin grew on Clarke's face, and her eyebrows waggled as she said, “Hey, I would be up for that role-play.”  
  
Lexa rose her eyebrows, giving Clarke her best deadpan.  
  
“And what exactly makes you think I would be willing to play a prostitute for you?” Lexa asked her, “What could I possibly get out of that?”  
  
“Tell you what, you role play as a prostitute, and then I'll role play as your maid,” Clarke replied.  
  
Lexa narrowed her eyes at her, before telling her, “You thought of that a little _too_ quickly.” The blonde just grinned at her and waggled her eyebrows again, and Lexa shook her head, smiling at Clarke's silliness. “We'll talk about it,” Lexa finally relented, and Clarke grinned, “But only _after_ you speak with your parents.”  
  
“Now there's some motivation that'll get me going,” Clarke replied, laughing, but nevertheless she started her car. Before taking it out of park, however, she turned back to Lexa and gave her a genuine smile. “But really, thank you,” she told the brunette, “Knowing that you'll be there for me no matter what happens really does make this a little easier.”  
  
Lexa smiled back at her, and simply said, “Of course I will. Good luck Clarke. Let me know what happens as well.”  
  
“I will, no worries,” Clarke agreed, and then she shifted into drive, and headed out, her eyes flashing to Lexa in her rear-view mirror as she pulled out of the parking lot.  
  
While her conversation with Lexa had managed to dull her nerves at the time, as her car got closer and closer to her house, they came roaring back at her, full power. She knew that both of her parents would be there when she got home; her father had been scheduled to be back a little before noon, and her mother had taken the afternoon off of work to be there shortly after he got home. Clarke knew the plan was for the three of them to go out to a nice restaurant for dinner not long after she got home from school, but at the moment she had no appetite. Once again, she felt like she was going to get sick.  
  
Finally she turned into her driveway and parked her car, and sure enough, both of her parents' cars were there too. She considered just sitting there for awhile to build up her nerve, but she knew that her parents had heard her pull in, and she also knew that the longer she sat there, the worse she would get. So she finally took a deep breath, grabbed her backpack from the passenger's seat, and got out of the car, whispering a quiet, “Here goes nothing.”  
  
She almost chickened out once again when she got to the front door, but she just kept moving forward, opening the door with a shaky hand. Once inside the entry way, she dropped her backpack on the floor, kicked her shoes off, and carefully hung her jacket up on one of the hooks, trying to steady herself. She then took another deep breath and continued in, and there were her parents, sitting together on the couch. They had turned around when they heard the door open, and her father was beaming at her as he stood up.  
  
“Dad,” she whispered, and then moved over to him quickly, throwing her arms around him.  
  
“Clarke!” he exclaimed, and threw his arms around her also and picked her up in a tight hug, swinging her around just a bit, “I've missed you, kiddo!”  
  
“I've missed you too, Dad,” she replied, smiling up at him. It was true, she really had missed him. Every time he left, she never knew how much she missed him until he was back, and then she realized how large of a hole had been left behind while he was gone. He had to leave so often for work that she always assumed she would be used to his absence, but every time it turned out otherwise. “It's good to have you back, Dad.”  
  
“It's good to be back, kiddo,” her father agreed, squeezing her one more time before he put her down.  
  
“Was it a good job?” she asked him, both wanting to distract them and genuinely curious: she always liked hearing about her father's jobs.  
  
He shrugged, and replied, “It was alright. Nothing particularly special, just a long routine job. How did you do on that history test of yours?”  
  
She really _had_ had a history test that Tuesday after her weekend with Lexa, but it had been easy, nothing she had needed more than an hour or two to study for. She shrugged, mimicking his motion, and told him, “Fine; I got an A.”  
  
“That's my girl,” her father beamed, winking at her, and she grinned, but then he sat back down next to her mother once again and asked her, “Alright now, what was it you wanted to talk to us about?”  
  
Just like that, the nerves were back. She started sweating and her hands started shaking slightly, and her mouth went completely dry. She nodded, licking her lips to try to get them wet again, and then swallowed.  
  
“Right, okay,” she finally said, and then took a deep breath. She could see her mother frowning, obviously worried, and even her father didn't have on his usual goofy grin, but she didn't know how to do this without causing either of them any worry. She let her breath out, and then began.  
  
“I don't... I don't really know how to say this,” she informed them, “So, I guess just... bare with me. What I wanted to tell you... what I _want_ to tell you, is that... I've met someone. Someone who... who means a lot to me. This person... I care a lot about this person, and um, well, that's because we've been... seeing each other, I guess, for a while now, so this isn't, like, some sort of just, spur of the moment thing, we've been building up to this for a while, and I didn't tell you guys about this until now because, well because for a while I didn't really know what it was, and I didn't really know how I felt about them, and then it was just because I _did_ know how I felt about them, and that scared me, and it scared me to think about what you guys would say, and what people at school would say, and now I'm... well I'm still scared, honestly, but I'm less scared now, because this person is by my side, and I know how she feels too now, and I know that what I was doing wasn't fair, and if I kept stringing her along like that I was going to lose her, and I don't want to lose her, I really don't want to lose her, because I... I really, really like her, and now I guess I've said 'she' and 'her' enough that you both have probably figured out that I'm talking about a girl and her name is Lexa and I thinkImightloveher.”  
  
The entire room was silent for a moment, other than Clarke's heavy breathing. She was staring at the carpet beneath her feet, unable to look at her parents, afraid of what she might see on their faces. Her parents had never spoken poorly about any gay people, but at the same time, they'd never had a daughter who had just professed to loving a girl before either, so she honestly had no clue what was going to happen. Her fists were clenched, her nails biting into the palms of her hands, and her bottom lip was stuck between her teeth, held in place with enough force that she might have been afraid it would start bleeding, if she didn't have other things on her mind. The silence felt like it was dragging on forever, and she could feel the tears starting to well up in her eyes when her mother finally broke the silence.  
  
“So when do we get to meet her?” she simply asked, and Clarke was a little afraid she was hearing things. She peaked up her head cautiously, finally making eye contact with her parents.  
  
“What?” she asked, a bit dumbfounded.  
  
“When do we get to meet her?” her mother repeated, and Clarke knew that she hadn't been hearing things. “If you care about this girl so much, we want to meet her.”  
  
“You do?” the blonde asked, still a little unsure of what was going on.  
  
“Of course we do,” her father replied, the smile returning to his face, “We want to meet this girl who's won our little girl over. Plus, it's my job as your father to determine if she's actually good enough for you. Hopefully she's better than that boy you dated last spring. Nathan, right? I didn't like him.”  
  
“Jake,” her mother said in a warning tone, and he just looked at her.  
  
“What?” he asked, “It's true, I didn't. I mean, he was nice enough, but you two just didn't... click.” When her mother continued to give him a look, he just rolled his eyes and then turned to Clarke, and continued, “Look, all I'm saying is that I hope you and this Lexa have more in common than he did, and that things work out better for you with her than it did with him. But I still call Dad Rights of getting to meet her and determine if she's actually good enough for you.”  
  
“Lexa's much better for me than Nathan was, Dad,” Clarke replied, still a little unsure of exactly what was going on.  
  
“Why don't you invite her over for dinner tomorrow, Clarke,” her mother suggested, “That way we'll get to meet her finally.”  
  
“I'm... just...,” Clarke tried to speak, but she was still flabbergasted, “So, wait. You two are alright with this? With me and... her?”  
  
They both just smiled at her, and then her father replied, “I mean, I would rather you not date anyone, that you stay my little girl forever. But I have a feeling you wouldn't agree to that.”  
  
Clarke rolled her eyes at her father, even as her mother reached out and grabbed a hold of her hand, pulling the teenager closer to them.  
  
“Clarke, honey, we love you,” she told her daughter, “Boy or girl, we don't care who you date, as long as you like them and they treat you well. Does Lexa treat you well?”  
  
“Incredibly well,” Clarke replied immediately.  
  
Abby nodded, and then added, “And you've already said that you care about her.”  
  
Clarke thought about Lexa and smiled slightly, before saying, “So, so much.”  
  
“Alright,” her father said, gently putting his hand on her shoulder, “Then that's all that matters. We just want you to be happy, kiddo, and if Lexa makes you happy, then we're happy for you.”  
  
Again, the tears started to build up in her eyes, but this time for an entirely different reason.  
  
“Thank you guys,” she told them softly, “I love you. Thank you. So much.”  
  
They smiled at her, her mother holding her hand and her father squeezing her shoulder, and her father simply said, “Any time, kiddo,” and her mother added, “We love you too.”

 

***

_**Lexa:(12:14) Ok, not so sure about this anymore...** _

_**Clarke: (12:27) Y?** _

_**Lexa: (12:33) Just... Kind of nervous, I guess.** _

_**Clarke: (12:42) U have nothing to b nervous about. Promise.** _

_**Lexa: (12:44) Remember how you were before going home yesterday? Yeah, that's me now.** _

_**Clarke: (12:51) Aww, I'm sorry. :( Want me to b the prostitute, and you can b the maid?** _

_**Lexa: (1:00) …** _

_**Lexa:(1:01) Not funny...** _

_**Lexa: (1:02) And maybe...** _

_**Clarke: (1:03) ;)**_

***

_**Lexa:(2:38) Okay, so I know we've never really talked just us, but Clarke's parents invited me over for dinner, and I'm really beginning to get nervous, and I figured you know them, so maybe you could help me somehow?** _

_**Octavia:(2:43) Bahaha! This is hilarious! 1st one of u freaks out, then the other!** _

_**Lexa:(2:49) That is not helpful...** _

_**Octavia:(2:58) Dnt b nervous. But dnt piss off her dad. Behind the smile is a man judging everything u say. And do. Same w/ her mom. So dnt fuck up.** _

_**Lexa:(3:04) THAT'S NOT HELPING!!!** _

***

_**Lexa:(3:06) I'M NERVOUS I'M NERVOUS I'M NERVOUS!!! Octavia said they are going to judge me! I'M GOING TO FUCK UP!!!** _

_**Clarke:(3:10) Oh god... I'm gonna kick her ass... You aren't gonna fuck up, you'll do fine! Promise!** _

_**Lexa:(3:12) … :(** _

_**Clarke:(3:13) No :(, only :)!** _

_**Lexa:(3:16) I'll try...** _

_**Lexa:(3:16) … :)** _

_**Clarke: (3:17) Yay! :D**_

***

_**The Bestie:(3:11) I AM GOING TO KICK YOUR ASS!** _

_**O:(3:22) Heh heh! ;)**_

_**The Bestie:(3:25) NOT. FUNNY!** _

***

_**Lexa:(3:30) I'm freaking out... Clarke's parents invited me over for dinner tonight...** _

_**Anya:(3:35) What time?** _

_**Lexa:(3:38) I'm supposed to be there at 7.** _

_**Anya:(3:42) Come over here, I'll help you get ready and listen to your freak out.** _

_**Lexa:(3:45) THANK YOU! You're the best.**_

_**Anya:(3:40) Obviously.**_

_**Lexa:(3:46) I'll be right over.** _

***

Lexa paced, and Anya sat on her bed and watched her. It was kind of a feat, how much pacing Lexa was able to do, because Anya's room was not very big, and she had a lot of stuff in it. There was not much space on the floor, books, clothes and various other things covering it, but Lexa had found every bit of available space to pace on. She hadn't sat down for a even a moment, beginning to pace the moment she had arrived. Since she had been there for an hour, Anya was beginning to get a bit dizzy, watching her go from one end of her room to the other.  
  
“Lexa,” she finally said, trying to get the other girl's attention, but the brunette just kept pacing, “Lexa!”  
  
“What?!” Lexa finally exclaimed, looking at Anya for the first time in at least five minutes, continuing to pace.  
  
“Would you sit down?” the other girl asked her, “You're making me dizzy, and you're going to wear out my floor.”  
  
Lexa sighed heavily, but listened, moving over to the bed and flopping down on it on her stomach, next to her best friend. She buried her face in Anya's blankets and muttered something, but Anya just shook her head.  
  
“Uh, sorry Lex, but I didn't get any of that,” Anya had to tell her, “Repeat, but pick your face up this time.”  
  
Lexa sighed, exasperated, but did, picking her head up and repeating, “I said, I am going to screw this up. Her parents are going to hate me.”  
  
Anya raised an eyebrow at her friend.  
  
“You are joking, right?” she asked, and Lexa shook her head, letting her face fall back into the bed covers. “Lexa, come on, you are going to be fine,” she continued, putting her hand on her friend's shoulder, “They are going to love you.”  
  
Lexa simply turned her head towards Anya, still letting it lie on the bed, and asked her friend, “What makes you so sure?”  
  
Anya shrugged before telling her, “I know you. There's nothing about you they could hate. Just try to stay relaxed, and you'll do just fine.”  
  
Lexa let out a sarcastic laugh, replying, “Yeah, easier said than done.”  
  
Anya just rolled her eyes, and then replied, “Look, just calm down, okay? It'll be fine. Why don't you borrow something to wear? I'll help you pick something out that you feel good in and look great in, and then we can watch a movie or something until you have to leave, to try to help you relax. Getting yourself all worked up certainly isn't helpful.”  
  
The other girl sighed, and then sat up, shaking her head.  
  
“You're right,” she said, “You're right, I know. I have to calm down; it'll all be fine.”  
  
“Much better,” Anya told her, smiling slightly, and then gestured towards her closet, “Pick a few outfits out, and I'll tell you which one you should go with.”  
  
Lexa smiled back at her, and Anya could read the thanks on her face. She just nodded, and Lexa let out a deep breath before moving over to the closet and taking a look at everything in there.  
  
Anya watched Lexa rummage around in her closet, thinking. She had been very happy two weeks ago when Lexa had finally told her what had been bugging her lately, but she had been caught by surprise. She had assumed that it had been another person who had been distracting her friend so much, and so the fact that she was in a relationship hadn't been what had surprised her, but rather who the other half of that relationship was. Anya had always viewed Clarke Griffin as... well, a spoiled little rich girl who got anything she wanted. She would have been one of the last people she would have ever thought Lexa would be interested in, and yet here she was, nervously going through Anya's closet for an outfit to impress the spoiled rich girl's parents with.  
  
Anya kept her views to herself, since this was the first relationship Lexa had been in since Costia, and she was happy to see her best friend starting to get over that, but still, she really didn't think Clarke was good enough for Lexa. She doubted Lexa would listen to her thoughts on that, however, and honestly, she had never really interacted with Clarke on a personal level before, so maybe she was wrong. For now, Lexa was happy, and as her best friend, Anya was happy for her. And if things went bad, she'd be there to pick the other girl up again, just like she had with Costia. She really hoped things wouldn't go that poorly, though, because she wasn't sure if Lexa's heart would be able to take it. Costia had crushed her, and if Clarke did the same thing to her, Anya couldn't be sure the other girl would ever be able to get over it.  
  
“What do you think?” Lexa asked, holding up a few different pieces of clothing, and Anya snapped back to the moment, realizing she had gotten lost in her thoughts. She stood up so that Lexa could lay everything out on the bed, and then she studied what Lexa had pulled out, trying to decide what would look best on her friend.  
  
“How about this,” she replied, grabbing the dark green long-sleeved shirt and black partially see-through sweater that the other girl had pulled out, “The green will show nicely under the black and will go well with your eyes, and they both will go well with the dark gray skinny jeans you're already wearing. Try them on, and let's see.”  
  
Lexa shot her one of her rare smiles, and then grabbed the hem of the shirt she was already wearing, pulling it over her head and then grabbing the green one to replace it. As Anya watched her, she noticed the look on Lexa's face, and decided that she was going to have to have a talk with Clarke Griffin before this thing went too much further. Lexa was falling, and falling hard, and Anya had to make sure she wasn't falling into another heartbreak. As Lexa's best friend, it was her job to make sure no one hurt her friend, and she was going to make damn sure that Clarke Griffin didn't break her best friend's heart. 

***

“I still can't believe how well it went,” Lexa repeated for at least the fifth time already, and it was only the third period, which meant the day wasn't even half over yet.  
  
Anya rolled her eyes, already getting sick of hearing about how the dinner had gone, and it was only Monday. In her defense, Lexa had already told her about the dinner via text the day before, and had added on to it this morning while they waited for the bell to ring for homeroom, so she already knew everything, which meant Lexa had just been repeating herself for the past hour while they had been sitting in class.  
  
“Yes yes, I know, dinner went wonderfully, Clarke's parents were great, you are very happy,” Anya replied quietly, annoyance fairly evident in her voice even as she tried to solve a particularly difficult science problem on the paper in front of her.  
  
“So happy,” Lexa agreed, either not hearing the annoyance in her friend's tone, or just ignoring it, “And now my dad wants Clarke to come over for dinner sometime in the next day or two, so he'll get to know her, too.”  
  
“That's great,” Anya told her, nothing in her tone really proving she thought that way, but knowing she needed to say something.  
  
“Thanks again for helping me out with that, by the way,” the brunette told her, giving her a smile, “I was a wreck, I know, but you really helped me, Anya.”  
  
Anya felt a twinge of guilt for the attitude she had been giving her friend. It wasn't a bad thing that Lexa was so happy, Anya just really wasn't used to her being so... gushy. It was unnerving, but Anya figured it would die down a bit once the excitement from the dinner had worn off. Lexa had every right to be happy, and Anya was happy for her. So she gave the brunette a small smile before telling her, “You're welcome. And yes, you were a wreck. A big wreck. The dinner would have been a disaster if not for me, so be very grateful. I accept all forms of payment, but I prefer cash.”  
  
Lexa rolled her eyes at her, but her smile remained, and Anya simply smiled back. They finally got back to work, and were able to solve three more of the problems before them before the bell rang. Quickly they packed up their stuff and headed out of the classroom, waving as they parted ways, Lexa to go to her Advanced English class, and Anya to her Economics class. It wasn't until Anya walked in the room and saw the blonde already sitting in her seat that she remembered Clarke was in her class. She rolled her eyes in slight annoyance, but then paused, thinking that this might be her best opportunity to have a talk with the blonde girl.  
  
Luckily for her, it was mostly a work period, so after Mr. Kane, who taught both math and economics, reminded them all of what they needed to do, everyone got out their books, and mostly worked by themselves. Anya barely looked at her book, instead looking over at where Clarke sat, her head in her book. Finally deciding to just do it, Anya scribbled a quick note, balled it up, and then got up and walked calmly over to Mr. Kane's desk.  
  
“Mr. Kane, may I have a hall pass?” she asked, “I need to use the restroom.”  
  
“Certainly, Anya,” Mr. Kane replied, and quickly jotted out a hall pass for her.  
  
“Thank you,” she told him, and then turned around and headed for the door. Luckily Clarke's seat was on the end of a table near the door, so as she walked by, Anya dropped her note on Clarke's book, and then left the room.  
  
She went to the nearest bathroom, and waited. She had been waiting for a few minutes when the door finally opened again, and the blonde stepped into the room. She showed Anya the note, which had simply said, _Come meet me in the bathroom. I wish to talk to you._ She raised her eyebrows at the taller girl, then asked, “What was it you wanted to talk about? And we better keep this short; Kane'll notice if we're missing for too long.”  
  
“Not what, but who,” Anya replied, her face set. She hoped Lexa didn't get mad at her for this, but it was something she needed to do. “I want to talk to you about Lexa.”  
  
Clarke's facial expression didn't change, as she said, “I figured. What specifically about her did you want to discuss?”  
  
“Lexa is my best friend,” Anya informed her, “And I won't let her get hurt. If this is just a game for you, if you do not truly care for her, then you need to stop what you are doing. She's been toyed with before and it crushed her; I will not stand by and watch that happen again. So if you hurt her, if you are just having a little fun and don't actually care for her the way you say you do, you will live to regret it. If that is the case, I advise you to end it now, before Lexa falls for you any harder. If you do not, and you hurt her, I will make sure you hurt just as much. Do you understand?”  
  
She held Clarke's eyes with her own, and the look she gave Clarke promised she meant every word she said. Finally Clarke nodded, and replied, “Yeah, I understand.”  
  
“Good,” Anya told her, and was about to exit the bathroom, when Clarke continued.  
  
“Now it's my turn,” the blonde informed her, and Anya raised her eyebrows, her jaw clenched, but she nodded. “I know Lexa's your best friend, and I know that you care about her. But I care about her too,” Clarke told her, and her face softened slightly, “I know what happened with Costia; Lexa told me, and I now hate this girl that I have never even met, just because of what she did to her. I care about Lexa; I care about her a lot. This isn't a game to me, I'm not doing this because I'm bored, or want to experiment, or even just for a little fun. Lexa makes me happy. She makes me... she makes me feel free, and wonderful, and like I could do anything, be anything, as long as she was beside me.” She paused for a moment, letting that sink in, and then added, “Lexa likes me too, I know, but you're her best friend. She's told me a lot about you, and I know she looks up to you. You don't have to like me, and I hope you do kick my ass if I ever hurt her because she's amazing and should never be hurt, but unless that happens, could you try not to hate me? It'll kill her if she feels like she had to choose between us, and I don't want that to happen. There's no reason that we can't get along, at least none that I can think of. So please, don't automatically hate me just because I _might_ hurt her. For now, let's just agree to be friendly, for Lexa. Who knows, we might even become friends ourselves.” Anya gave her a look, and Clarke just shrugged. “Hey, weirder things have happened, I bet,” she told her, and Anya couldn't stop a corner of her mouth from turning up.  
  
She thought about all the blonde had said, and then nodded.  
  
“Alright,” she finally agreed, “I will not hate you until after you have hurt Lexa.”  
  
“Not 'until,'” Clarke argued, “' _Unless_ I do.' I have absolutely no intention of hurting her.”  
  
Anya nodded once again, saying, “Fine, I will not hate you unless you hurt her. As long as that does not happen, you and I will be friendly towards one another. For Lexa.”  
  
Clarke smiled, also nodding, and she held out her hand, which Anya stared at, and then eventually took, letting out a big sigh.  
  
“For Lexa,” the blonde agreed, and they shook on it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yep, so foolish me had this chapter accidentally saved as a draft, which is why it took so long to get to you. So very, very sorry! Hope you all enjoyed this anyway! As always, your views and comments are much appreciated! Thanks to you all!


	11. Chapter 11

Later on in life, when any one asked her, Clarke would tell them that the next year passed in a blur. She would swear that she had merely blinked, and junior year ended and senior year began. She knew that it wasn't possible for time to pass by so quickly, but she'd say that was what it had felt like: the blink of an eye.  
  
It was a great year, which is probably why it raced by her. The moment she and Lexa came out as dating, everything changed and nothing changed, all at the same time. Her friends, when they all finally were told the big news, each had a different reaction to it, from shock and surprise, to outright laughter, which Raven later assured Clarke had been meant as a good thing. They adjusted, and really the only adjustment that had to be made is that from that moment on, Lexa became a prime member of the group, because wherever Clarke went, it meant Lexa was there as well. They all got very used to seeing the two girls snuggling on the couch together, or going in a separate room for a little privacy, or simply just holding hands together while they all watched a movie. Along with Lexa came her friend Anya, who as a loner had a slightly harder time adjusting to the new arrangement, but between Lexa, Lincoln, Octavia and even Clarke, she soon became comfortable with these strange people as well, and they with her.  
  
At first school life felt different for Clarke, feeling like everyone was talking about her, and yes, sometimes as she walked down a hallway people would hush their conversations and look at her differently. Sometimes she even heard the things that people would say about her, and yes, some of these things were not the nicest of comments, nor what anyone wants to hear said about themselves. Whenever the murmurings got to be too much, however, Clarke would turn around and find Lexa or Octavia or Bellamy standing behind her, glaring down the whisperers until they had to avert their gaze and walk away. Nobody ever directly bullied the blonde, and for a few days she figured that meant people simply didn't think her coming out had been as big a deal as she had worried it would be. That was until one day when Raven let slip that Octavia wouldn't be allowed to play in one of her soccer matches due to the fact that she had a week's worth of detentions. When questioned, Raven had blushed slightly but wouldn't say what the other girl had done, but when Clarke later heard about how John Murphy had had an “accident” in his gym class, getting a split lip and having to be out of school for two days, Clarke immediately remembered that Octavia was in the same gym class. She cornered her friend later that same day to confront her about it. The brunette had merely shrugged, giving her a nonchalant look.  
  
“He was talking shit,” Octavia had finally informed her, “When I finished with him, he had a hard time talking at all. Besides, he's always been an ass. It was about time someone gave some of his crap back to him.”  
  
Clarke had yelled at her, but the other girl had just let the blonde's words roll off of her, and Clarke knew that it hadn't made any difference. Especially that following weekend, when Bellamy and Jasper threw Octavia a party for what she had done. Jasper and Monty had both often been the butt of some of Murphy's meaner jokes, and Bellamy had always hated the guy, so they at least were thrilled about what Octavia had done. Even Lexa had given the other girl an approving nod at the party, which Clarke noticed and then scolded her for later that night, but the tall brunette had ways of making Clarke forget what she was talking about or why she was supposed to be mad at her, so Clarke knew that her words never actually got through to any of them. However, after Murphy there were far fewer murmurings at school, and to the best of the blonde's knowledge nobody else got beat up for talking about her, so all in all, she figured things could have been much worse. And, as all things do in high school, eventually the news of Clarke's bisexuality became old and boring, and something newer and more exciting came along to take her spotlight. A spotlight she was more than happy to give up.  
  
That year was also Bellamy and Lincoln's senior year, so the group spent as much time together as they could, before their two senior members would have to leave them. Octavia joked about how she was only going to miss one of them, often times sticking her tongue out at Bellamy as she said it, but her words didn't fool Clarke, nor, she saw, did they fool Bellamy. As the year came closer and closer to an end, Clarke spent more and more time with her best friend, and she could see the fear and sadness that the dark-haired girl tried so hard to hide growing in her eyes. Her boyfriend and her big brother, who also happened to double as one of her best friends, would be leaving her soon, and Clarke saw how the thought of it effected her. So to try to help, Clarke made sure that she and Lexa went on many double dates with Octavia and Lincoln, and she also made sure to spend a lot of time with the Blake siblings, even if they were constantly bickering. She did it for Octavia, but she did it for herself too, because she knew she was going to miss the two guys as well: after all, Bellamy was one of her best friends, and though she hadn't known Lincoln for long, he had become a real member of their group, and Clarke had grown to like him a lot. So she spent as much time with both of them as she could.  
  
None of that, however, compared to the amount of time she spent with Lexa. Lexa, who had become her everything. There were few times throughout her days at school when one was without the other, and most of the time when that did happen, it was just because they were in different classes. Evenings and weekends were spent together. They went out on dates, or stayed in to just hang out. Clarke's parents got used to Lexa spending so much of her time there that it became the norm for Abby to set four places at the dinner table. Nights when it wasn't four, she usually only set two, as it meant that Clarke had gone to Lexa's house for dinner instead. Lexa's father got just as used to seeing Clarke as Clarke's parents got with seeing Lexa. And while the “no closed bedroom door” rule had been put into effect at both houses, the two girls still managed to find many an opportunity to rip each others clothes off.  
  
Spending that much time together, everyone was sure that the two girls were going to get sick of each other, but it never happened. When asked about it, Clarke would explain how it was because they were best friends as well as girlfriends, something that had never been a part of any of her previous relationships before. In the past, she had always just been dating a person, and never connected with them on a friendship level, and that's why she thought it never lasted. With Lexa, she knew that the other girl didn't just love her as, well, a lover, but also as a friend and human being, and that was the same way she felt about Lexa. The brunette, however, always had a different, more simple explanation. When asked the same question, she would just stare at the person and then simply tell them, “I'm an addict, and she's my addiction. Mine's a good addiction, so it doesn't need to change.” That answer, of course, always made Clarke, who was often standing right next to her when she said it, just blush slightly and smile, then shake her head.  
  
The school year continued. Fall turned into winter, and Halloween turned into Christmas, which came and went with more than one kiss stolen underneath the mistletoe, to which Bellamy would very loudly declare, “Get a room!,” and Clarke would laugh as she flipped him off before kissing Lexa once again. Christmas passed into New Year's, and as the clock struck midnight of the new year, Clarke found herself very happily wrapped up in her lover's arms, drinking in Lexa's lips. New Year's became Valentine's Day, and for the first time in either of their lives, Clarke and Lexa both had someone they truly loved to share it with (Bellamy was, of course, the one to point out that it was a stupid holiday, designed to make all single people feel bad about themselves, even though Clarke was not surprised to learn from Octavia on February fifteenth that her brother had not gotten home until the early hours of the morning the night before and had been in quite the good mood that following morning). Valentine's Day turned into school projects, and school projects turned into final tests, and final tests turned into Graduation Day, and Clarke sat among her friends in the audience, cheering their heads off as both Bellamy and Lincoln walked across the stage to get their diplomas. Clarke even pretended not to notice the tears that rolled down Octavia's cheeks as she watched first her brother, and then her boyfriend finish their high school career, though she was sure to give her best friend a little nudge to remind her that she still had the blonde, for which Octavia was very grateful.  
  
Graduation Day turned into Graduation Party, first one with parents, and then one without parents, where Bellamy and Octavia both got hammered, and even Lincoln let loose and let himself get much more drunk than usual. Clarke and Lexa played caretakers that night, along with Anya, who had decided to be a part of the festivities, though quickly questioned how she had let Lincoln and Lexa drag her there. They listened to many a drunken ramblings from not only the Blake siblings, but also Jasper, who was never one to be outdone when it came to drinking, and from Raven, who had been the unfortunate one to be paired up with Jasper during a game of King's Cup. Finn, Monty and even Wells, who had decided to drink in celebration of his friends' graduation, all did better than the other four, but even they wanted to be tucked into bed when they saw that the others were getting the special treatment, even if their beds were just a couch or even just the floor.  
  
With graduation over, so ended the school year, and on came the beginning of summer. The first month was spent either working, or hanging out together, all of them spending many an afternoon relaxing in or by Clarke's pool. After that first month ended, however, Clarke and Lexa made their way back to Camp Ark, where it had all started for them. The rest of the summer was spent as counselors, taking care of the girls in their bunks, swimming in the lake, winning as many challenges as possible, and spending as much time as they could down at Their Rock, as it came to be known between the two of them. Once camp ended, the summer ended as well, and school began again, the first month of their senior year flying by. They were both kept busy with their school work, taking advanced classes, AP classes, and Clarke had even signed up for a science class at the local college and so went to that twice a week. They were busier than they had ever been before, but they still managed to be together more often than not. Simply put, Clarke was happy, happier than she could ever remember being, and it was this thought that crossed her mind as she walked down one of the school hallways one Friday afternoon, grinning when she saw Lexa standing at her locker and getting the books she would need for the weekend. She hurried over to the brunette, leaning against the wall of lockers, and smiled at her girlfriend.  
  
“So are you sure you can't come to my house to get ready for tonight?” she asked as a way of greeting, to which Lexa just smiled and shook her head.  
  
“Wish I could,” the brunette replied, slamming her locker shut and then leaning against it, mirroring Clarke's position, “But you know I have a dance class to teach in an hour. Since next weekend's the Fall Recital, we're going to be working right up to the last second.”  
  
“Yeah, but they're all, what, five?” Clarke asked, trying her best to get Lexa to change her mind, “They'll be cute no matter how well they dance.”  
  
Lexa gave her a look before informing her, “The five-year olds might be cute, but you should see their parents when they don't think their kids are getting enough attention. Dance moms are intense. Besides, these girls are actually pretty good, at least for their age, and I want them to do their best at the recital.”  
  
Clarke sighed, shaking her head slightly as she said, “You and this whole 'taking your job seriously' thing.”  
  
Lexa laughed and replied, “I know, how dare I.”  
  
Clarke just grinned, and then stood up straight before asking, “Alright, well can't you come over after then? That'll still give us a couple of hours to get ready for the dance.”  
  
“I'd love to, but Anya and I made plans to hang out for a little while,” the brunette told her, “She and I haven't really had any time to hang out just us recently, and since she isn't going to the dance and I probably won't see her this weekend, I figured I owed her a little time too.” She watched Clarke let out a big sigh, and she smiled, reaching forward and taking her hand as she added, “But, Lincoln and I should be at your house at seven to pick you guys up, and then we'll all go and have a good time. How many people are riding with us?”  
  
“Just the two of us, Lincoln and Octavia, and Raven,” Clarke informed her, “The others we're just gonna meet at the dance.”  
  
The Homecoming Dance was that night, which meant that Lincoln and Bellamy were both coming home for the weekend, and it was going to be the first time they had all been together since the two had left for their respective colleges. They were all looking forward to it, excited to see each other again after the four weeks of being apart. Octavia in particular was very excited, and had blown off school that day, because Lincoln had planned on being back a little after noon and she wanted to spend as much time with him as she could. Usually Clarke didn't approve of Octavia's skip days, but this time she made an exception, knowing that she would have done the same thing if she had been in her best friend's shoes.  
  
“Sounds good,” Lexa replied, slinging her bag over her shoulder. “But now, I do really have to go or I'll be late.” She leaned forward, giving the blonde a quick peck on the lips before any teacher could see them and yell at them for pda, and then she pulled back, saying, “I'll see you tonight, seven o'clock. Wear something sexy.”  
  
Clarke grinned, that look appearing in her eyes that always made Lexa both want to shiver and take all of her clothes off at the same time.  
  
“Oh, don't worry about that,” she assured the brunette, “I most definitely will. And I expect you to be _incredibly_ sexy as well.”  
  
Lexa returned the look, the smirk on her face growing as she told her, “I will do my absolute best. Love you.”  
  
“Love you too,” Clarke replied, and with one final smirk and look, Lexa turned away and headed down the hallway towards the parking lot, having to walk quickly since she knew she was running a few minutes behind. Clarke watched her go, the smile never leaving her face.

***

 

Two and a half hours later, Lexa flopped onto her own bed, narrowly avoiding smacking Anya, who was already spread out on the comfortable surface, a book in her hands. The two girls often spent time at the other’s house, waiting for the other to show up, and this had been one of those times when Lexa was late returning from her dance lessons so Anya had just made herself at home, as per usual. The wavy-haired girl peered at the brunette, raising an eyebrow slightly.  
  
“Long lesson?” she inquired without putting her book down.  
  
Lexa pushed herself up, lying on her side and propping her head up with one hand. She shrugged, and replied, “Eh, it wasn’t too bad. None of the kids stepped on anyone else’s feet today, so they’re improving. A couple of them actually are doing really well. The others… Well, at least they’re having some fun. I hope.”  
  
Anya nodded, laying her book down on her chest as she said, “Not everyone can be a great dancer.”  
  
Lexa nodded, and then rolled her eyes as she added, “Yeah, well try telling that to all of their parents. Every mom in there wants their daughter to be the next Alicia Markova.”  
  
The other girl scoffed, informing Lexa, “I doubt any of those moms even know who that is. I only know about her because when you were twelve you refused to shut up about her.”  
  
The brunette looked at her best friend with a fake scowl and replied, “Yeah, well _some_ of those mothers probably do their research and know great talent when they read about it.”  
  
Anya just shrugged, the uninterested look never leaving her face, causing Lexa to sigh and shake her head. Changing the subject, she nodded towards the book, asking, “What are you reading?” The other girl lifted the book back up to show her the cover, and seeing it, Lexa raised her eyebrows. “Seriously Anya? _The Catcher in the Rye_? Again? Don’t you have that pretty much memorized by now?”  
  
The other girl touched the cover of the book affectionately as she told her, “It’s my favorite, what can I say? Or at least one of them. I never get tired of reading it.”  
  
Lexa sat up, crossing her legs beneath her and propping her elbows on her legs. She looked at the book which she too enjoyed but had only read twice, far fewer times than she knew Anya had read it. She loved books as well, but while there were a couple that she would read more than once, over all she preferred finding new books over re-reading an old one. Anya was different: she basically lived in books, finding solace in both new and old ones, and if she really liked a book could read it any number of times. So instead of arguing the point, she merely shook her head once again, telling the other girl, “Whatever you say, Anya.”  
  
The wavy-haired girl nodded once, and then put the book down once again as she sat up a little straighter. “Actually Lexa,” she began, and the other girl noticed a slight shift in her tone, “Speaking of books, I’ve got some news.” Lexa raised her eyebrows at the other girl, encouraging her to go on, and she did. “I’ve finally figured out what I want to do after high school. I'm going to be a writer.”  
  
“I thought you wanted to be an ice cream truck driver,” Lexa teased her, smiling even as the other girl rolled her eyes.  
  
“Please,” she said, giving Lexa a look, “That was when I was a kid. Now I _actually_ know what I want to do. I’ve even done research, and found a few colleges that have really good creative writing programs.”  
  
“Yeah?” Lexa asked, one corner of her mouth turning up in a smile, “Where are you looking?”  
  
“Emory University in Atlanta, for one,” Anya began, her own lips turning up in a smile that matched Lexa’s own as she ticked them off on her fingers. “The University of Virginia, Washington University as well, and Oberlin College.”  
  
Lexa raised her eyebrows at the last one.  
  
“And where exactly is Oberlin College?” she asked, having never heard of it before.  
  
“Ohio,” Anya replied, her tone telling Lexa just what she thought about that as she rolled her eyes, then continued saying, “But I’ve done some research, and it seems like it had a really good program, and I think I would enjoy it.”  
  
Lexa thought about each college she had listed, and then looked down at the bed, keeping her tone even as she noted, “So you definitely aren’t staying in-state for college.”  
  
“Yeah, like I’d want to stay anywhere near here,” she scoffed, missing the implication in Lexa’s tone, “No, I’m getting as far away from here as I can.” She turned her attention back on the other girl, and asked, “So what about you?”  
  
“What about me?” Lexa asked, rolling her shoulders as she stretched her arms over her head. Feeling her muscles pull, she smiled lazily. She loved feeling her muscles working, which probably was one of the reasons she loved dancing so much. She always had a hard time sitting still after a lesson, so she threw her legs off the side of the bed, standing up and stretching as far as she could, clasping her hands together over her head.  
  
Anya watched the movement, used to it. Ignoring her stretching, she asked, “What are your thoughts on college? Figured out what you want to study yet?”  
  
Crossing one arm in front in front of her and wrapping her other arm around it, Lexa replied, “I’ve got a few ideas in mind.”  
  
Anya raised an eyebrow.  
  
“Like what?” she wanted to know, causing Lexa to furrow her eyebrows.  
  
“Like… I don’t know,” she said, turning her back to her friend as she frowned, “I’ve got a bunch of ideas, I guess.”  
  
“Hm. Well you might want to start narrowing it down,” Anya told her, opening her book back up, “You don’t have much time left to figure it out.”  
  
Lexa turned to her, a bemused look on her face as she asked, “What are you talking about? There’s plenty of time left.”  
  
Without taking her face out of her book, the other girl replied, “Not really. Colleges will be taking early admission in just a couple of months, and regular admission will be soon after that. You’ll want to know what you want to study soon, so you know which schools have the best programs in that field. You don’t want to end up at a school that doesn’t have what you want, and most colleges have a cut off time, especially depending on the major. Wait too long, and all the positions will fill up before your application even gets in. I’m going to apply early decision to all of my schools, and then see where I get accepted, how much money each school will give me, and then go from there. So it’s better to know sooner rather than later what you want to do.”  
  
Lexa’s frown depended. Honestly, she hadn’t spent much time thinking about what would happen once high school finished. She had always put all of her focus on her schoolwork, sure, but that focused hadn’t been extended to “after.” She always focused on what was going on around her, thinking about the immediate future over the unforeseeable future. Now, however, Anya was right, and that unforeseeable future was sneaking up on her, and she had no idea what she wanted to do about it.  
  
The brunette forced herself to smile as she shrugged her shoulders, trying to ignore her sudden worry.  
  
“Hey, maybe I’ll just drive the ice cream truck,” she joked lightly, “I mean, if you don’t want to, one of us might as well.”  
  
Her best friend just scoffed and shook her head, not looking at the brunette. The smile slipped from Lexa’s lips as she felt her heart beat pick up a little. She stared off, her mind whirring as sudden nerves overtook her. What _did_ she want to do after graduation? Honestly, she had no idea, and she really didn’t like that. 

***

“Clarke, I seriously love your closet,” Octavia informed the blonde as she pawed through the many dresses, tops and skirts that hung in the small walk-in closet. She had moved so many of the clothes around that Clarke could barely see her best friend from where she sat on her bed, covered in all of the clothes that Octavia had already pulled out as possibilities to wear to the dance that night.  
  
“Nooo,” the blonde drawled out, “I really couldn’t tell.”  
  
Raven scoffed from her spot on Clarke’s floor, leaning up against the bed and also watching Octavia as the darker haired girl tossed another top out of the closet, the black top landing on the edge of the bed.  
  
“Yeah O, you’d think you didn’t have any clothes of your own,” she joked, grabbing the top before it fell and then purposefully throwing it at Clarke’s head. It hit, causing Clarke to glare at the other girl, though her lips quickly curled into a smile.  
  
“Oh, you’ve started it now,” she growled, and then grabbed one of the skirts next to her and threw it at the dark-haired girl, who grabbed a sweater from the floor beside her and threw it at the blonde, and the two began the Clothing War of Homecoming. Laughing, they threw every piece of clothing in their reach at each other, making an even bigger mess than Octavia had by tossing them on the bed. The Battle ended only when Raven accidentally grabbed a pair of underwear from the floor and shrieked, immediately dropping them and causing Clarke to fall over, she was laughing so hard.  
  
“Oh my god, eww!” she shrieked, “Clarke that is disgusting! Why do you keep your nasty underwear on the floor?!”  
  
Octavia, who at some point during The Battle had stopped pawing through the many pieces of clothing and had instead leaned against the door frame to watch her two best friends do battle, raised her eyebrows before saying, “Uh, Raven, you do realize this is _Clarke_ you’re talking about, right? She’s not exactly the neatest person you’re ever going to meet.”  
  
Her laughter dying down but the smile not leaving her lips, the blonde turned to Octavia and said, “One, remember who’s letting you borrow her clothes for Homecoming tonight,” and then she turned to Raven who was giving the underwear next to her a look of disgust and added, “And two and three, those are clean, _and_ they’re Lexa’s, not mine.”  
  
The disgusted look falling from her face, Raven raised one eyebrow at the blonde before saying, “And why would a _clean_ pair of Lexa’s underwear be on your floor? From my experience, usually when a significant other’s underwear is on your floor, it specifically means it is _not_ clean.”  
  
The blonde just rolled her eyes before telling her, “Not that it’s any of your business, but Lexa left them here once, and so I washed them for her, and she just hasn’t taken them back yet.”  
  
The other girl just pursed her lips, giving Clarke a look.  
  
“Mmhm,” she said, “Whatever you say. You just don’t want me to know I just touched your girlfriend’s dirty underwear.”  
  
Clarke sighed in exasperation, and before either of them could say anything else, Octavia cut in, rushing over to the bed and jumping on it.  
  
“Alright, alright, enough about the underwear,” she told them, “Now help me pick out the perfect outfit for tonight. I want something that Lincoln’s gonna want to rip off of me the moment he sees me.”  
  
Clarke turned to the girl, her forehead raised as she replied, “Uh, if you’re wearing my clothes, he better not rip anything off of you. I expect to get anything I lend you back, rip-free.”  
  
Octavia just waved her hand at her dismissively, not paying attention as she eyed all the clothes around her, trying to pick out the perfect outfit.  
  
“It’s just an expression,” she muttered as she picked up one shirt, and then tossed it to the side, narrowly missing Raven, who glared at her.  
  
“Yeah, not when you say it,” the other dark-haired girl said as she stood up and sat on the bed as well, trying to get out of the line of fire, “You fully mean it. You would _love_ for Lincoln to use his big muscles to actually tear your clothes off.”  
  
Octavia smirked, looking up at the two, shrugging as she replied, “Well I mean, it _has_ been awhile. He has been away at college for a month. I have every intention of getting down and dirty tonight.”  
  
Raven groaned, flopping forward on the bed on top of the clothes before rolling over, her head in Octavia’s lap as she looked up at the ceiling.  
  
“ _Please_ don’t talk about sex around me,” she groaned, “It has been _way_ too long, and just hearing about other people getting laid sends me into a serious depression.”  
  
Clarke and Octavia looked at her in sympathy. Over the summer, she and Finn had broken up officially, and since then she hadn’t had much romance in her life. She’d gone on a couple of dates, but none had ever really panned out into anything more, and she was seriously beginning to feel like a nun.  
  
Octavia ran her fingers through her hair soothingly, giving her a sympathetic smile.  
  
“Hey, maybe you’ll get lucky at the dance tonight,” she told her, her tone hopeful. “You never know. Everybody gets horny at school dances, so I’m sure you’ll be able to find someone interesting to sleep with.”  
  
Raven just sighed, but then a grin lit her face before she replied, “True. I mean, technically Bellamy is my date tonight. Maybe he and I will have some fun tonight both on the dance floor and off.” She wiggled her eyebrows suggestively, and Octavia rolled her eyes at her, giving her a look of disgust at the thought.  
  
Clarke grinned at Octavia’s look, but said to Raven, “I thought you and Bellamy were just going as friends, since he needs someone to get him into the dance since he graduated?”  
  
Raven looked over at the blonde and rolled her eyes, saying, “Well yeah, that’s all it is, but like I said, it’s been awhile, and Bellamy is actually pretty talented in bed, and hell, I just want to get laid. It’s not like I’d be looking for a relationship with him, just some simple, not complicated sex. He’s good at that.”  
  
Octavia grimaced, and pushed the other girl off her lap even as Clarke laughed.  
  
“Okay, so done with this conversation,” she informed them as she stood up, letting Raven’s head fall off her lap as she pushed herself back. Once standing she glared at both girls who were still laughing and grinning at her, before she gestured to the pile of clothes on and around the bed. “Just help me pick out an outfit already.”  
  
Controlling their laughter, Clarke and Raven helped Octavia rummage through the clothing. It took a while, but finally they were able to pick out outfits for all three of them. Octavia ended up in a tight dark green v-neck shirt, making sure not to wear any other shirt underneath it so that it would show off a bit more of her cleavage than usual. She paired it with a tight black skirt that reached halfway down her thighs. Raven wore a red button-up shirt, leaving the top three buttons undone, along with black skinny jeans that seemed as if they were nearly painted on. Clarke wore a light blue t-shirt that had a wide neckline so that it hung partially off her shoulders, and her own pair of tight skinny jeans. She and Octavia each wore a pair of simple but sexy heels, while Raven remained in her favorite boots. Once outfits were picked out, they helped each other get hair and make-up finished, and finally they were ready to go, finishing with only minutes to spare as shortly after they heard the doorbell ring, and Clarke’s father call out, “I got it.”  
  
They all rushed out of the room and down the hall, nearly pushing each other down the stairs. Clarke smiled as they descended, finding Lexa and Lincoln standing in her living room waiting for them. Seeing her girlfriend, Clarke grinned. As per usual, Lexa had on a pair of incredibly tight skinny jeans, and a simple black tank top that showed off her incredibly toned biceps, and that dipped just low enough for Clarke to get a good visual of the other girl's amazing cleavage. Her hair hung down, only a few small braids woven into it, and she had only a light amount of make up on, primarily just eyeliner and mascara, but in Clarke's eyes she was absolutely gorgeous.  
  
Lexa looked up at Clarke, and while her usual look of excitement on seeing her girlfriend shone in her eyes, Clarke saw something else there too, and Clarke nearly frowned seeing it. Almost immediately however, Lexa’s eyes shifted and the look was gone, instead a lustful look replacing it as she eyed her girlfriend’s outfit even as Clarke eyed her own. She nodded once at Clarke without saying anything, a smirk on her lips, and Clarke knew she was remembering the end of their conversation earlier at school. Telling herself not to worry about Lexa’s look until later, she just grinned back at her girlfriend, and wrapped her arms around the brunette’s waist when she finally reached her.  
  
Turning her focus to the other people in the room, Clarke realized her father was talking.  
  
“…going to be out late tonight, so you’ll probably get home before us,” he was saying, and Clarke rolled her eyes, having already heard this. Her parents were attending a get-together with some of her mother’s colleagues, some fancy party that they went to a couple of times a year, and each time she knew her parents didn’t get home until late at night, since it was on the other side of town.  
  
“Yeah yeah yeah, I know Dad,” she told him, though her tone came out more playful than annoyed. “Don’t worry about me, I’ll lock all the doors when I get home, just like I always do. This won’t be the first time I’ve put myself to bed, you know.”  
  
Her father just grinned at her, and like always it caused her to grin in return.  
  
“Alright, I’ll stop lecturing you and let you guys get going,” he replied, reaching out and pulling her in for a hug, which she gave happily. “You guys have fun and be safe. I don’t want any calls from the police tonight!”  
  
Clarke pushed herself away from her father gently, rolling her eyes as she did so even though she knew her father was joking.  
  
“Yeah, cause I’m always getting busted by the cops,” she told him dryly.  
  
“Hey, there’s a first time for everything,” Raven said from behind them, a wicked smirk on her face, “Tonight could be the night. But don’t you worry Papa G, if the cops show up, I’ll get her outta there.”  
  
“Somehow you always know how to reassure us, Raven,” Clarke’s mother informed her, a smile on her face as she entered from the kitchen, and moved to stand next to her husband. “We can always trust you to get Clarke out of trouble, I know.”  
  
Clarke just scoffed before mumbling, “More like how to get me into trouble,” which caused Octavia to laugh while Raven just stuck her tongue out at her. Even Lexa and Lincoln smiled, before Lexa looked down the couple of inches to Clarke and told her, “We should probably get going.”  
  
Clarke agreed, and after another round of goodbyes from Jake and Abby to all of the kids, they left, everyone piling in Lincoln’s car. Lincoln and Octavia sat up front, with the other three sharing the back, Clarke sitting between the two brunettes. It was a tight fit, but luckily they didn’t have all that far to go, as the school was only about a five minute drive from Clarke’s house. They parked in the school parking lot, and then headed to the school’s entrance where they found Bellamy waiting for them. Seeing him, the girls all smiled. Octavia, Raven and Clarke all ran forward and hugged him at once, happy to finally see him again. For Raven and Clarke, it was the first time they had seen him since he left for college, and though Octavia had seen him that afternoon before she left for Clarke’s it was still great to see him after being apart for so long. Even Lexa had to admit (to herself at least) that she had missed him. Since she and Clarke had started dating, very few people had made any comments about he and Clarke getting together, and with that gone, she found few reasons to dislike him.  
  
“That’s right, I knew you’d miss me,” Bellamy told them smugly, which just earned him a light hit from Clarke.  
  
“Yeah well, don’t expect this kind of greeting every time,” she informed him as she stepped back and returned to Lexa’s side. “It’s only cause it’s the first time we’ve seen you since you left for school. How’s that going, by the way?”  
  
He grinned as both of the other two girls stepped back as well, and replied, “Actually, it’s pretty awesome. I’ve met some cool people, and am actually taking some interesting classes too. Plus, college parties are awesome, and I’ve learned some new drinking games that we’ll have to try out some time.”  
  
“Ah yes, because that is exactly what college is supposed to be about,” Raven mused, a twinkle in her eye, “Going to parties and learning new drinking games.”  
  
“Hey, I said I’m taking some pretty interesting classes too!” he reminded her, and she just rolled her eyes at him.  
  
“And which have you learned more about, drinking games or whatever they’re teaching you in those ‘pretty interesting’ classes?” she asked him, raising her eyebrows at him.  
  
He grinned sheepishly and then rubbed the back of his head before he admitted, “Well… drinking games, I guess.”  
  
As the others laughed, Raven just shook her head, the grin still on her face.  
  
“See, this is why I’m not going to college,” she informed them, pointing at Bellamy. “I don’t need to spend a ton of money to learn new drinking games when my friends can learn them for me. I’ll stick with the shop, and just own it someday.”  
  
Raven worked in a mechanic's shop, and was absolutely loved by its owner, a little old man whose son had chosen to go to school to become a lawyer, so everyone was pretty sure that he actually did plan to leave it to her when he died. For over a year now she had been saying the same thing, and they were all starting to believe her when she talked about not going to college. Clarke had spent many hours trying to convince her otherwise, but she always just shook her head, so finally Clarke had given up.  
  
The talk about college was starting to make Lexa nervous again, her conversation with Anya still fresh on her mind, so when Lincoln suggested actually going inside to the dance, she quickly agreed and they all moved along. She could feel Clarke's eyes on her, and she knew that Clarke sensed that something wasn't right, but she ignored it, really not wanting to talk about it at the moment. Entering the building, they moved down the main hallway towards the auditorium, and before they reached it, they could already hear the music blaring. When they finally did enter the room, their eyes all widened, smiles growing as well.  
  
The auditorium was fully decorated, with streamers hanging from the ceiling, dividing the dance floor from an area for students to just hang out. Balloons floated around, along with beach balls that lay on the floors for students to toss around, and decorations hung from the wall. A couple of tables were set up with food and drinks, a teacher standing next to them to make sure no student tried to spike the punch (it was necessary: Clarke’s freshmen year someone had actually managed to pull it off, and it took over an hour for the teachers to realize that a large number of the student body was buzzed. Dances had been canceled for the rest of that year, and after that they brought an extra teacher in to chaperone specifically to watch the drink table). Across from the food table, an arch was set up and decorated for students to take pictures at. Overall, it looked pretty good, and surprisingly enough, actually good music was playing, so Clarke turned to Lexa, grabbed her hand, and pulled her out to the dance floor, the rest of the group following her.  
  
They danced for a while, or what constitutes as “dancing” for a school dance. Lexa always argued that it was not _actually_ dancing when you had a bunch of high schoolers just trying to grind on one another to some kind of beat, but she also never complained when Clarke was the one trying to grind on her. The chaperones did their best to keep the grinding as minimal as possible, but there were only a few of them, and many students, so somehow it always ended up with a room full of teenagers with their butts pressed up against somebody else’s crotch. That or they all just jumped up and down together when certain songs played. Until, of course, the Cotton-Eyed Joe played, and then students who didn’t know how to do the dance or didn’t want to moved to the sidelines to watch the mass of students who did. Lexa and Clarke were both among the students dancing to it, laughing with each other as they clapped and stomped and twirled.  
  
Finally after an hour of dancing, the group moved to the side sectioned off for cooling down, Clarke and Octavia pulling chairs over and falling into them, beads of sweat collecting at their hairlines, as was the case with all of them. Jasper, who had joined them along with Monty about ten minutes after they got there, also fell into a chair. He pulled his signature goggles off of his head before he used his arm to wipe his forehead clean of the sweat that had formed there.  
  
“Holy shit!” he exclaimed, “It’s hot in here!”  
  
“What do you expect?” Bellamy asked, panting slightly, “There’s a lot of people and no circulation in this room.”  
  
Lexa, who’d gone straight over to the refreshments table after leaving the dance floor, moved next to Clarke, handing her a paper cup with some punch in it.  
  
“Thirsty?” she asked, a small grin on her face, and Clarke nodded emphatically.  
  
“God, yes,” she exclaimed grabbing the cup and then downing almost the whole thing in one gulp. Pulling the cup away from her mouth, she smacked her lips. “Ahh! So much better!” She turned to Lexa, giving her a smile before telling her, “Thanks sweetie.”  
  
“No problem, babe,” Lexa replied, winking at her, and everyone else around them started gagging.  
  
“Okay, no, we need something else to do,” Raven insisted, “They’ve started the gross cute names, and I really can’t take that.”  
  
“Why don’t we go take pictures at the arch?” Octavia proposed, and they all agreed, partially just to stop the nicknames. Clarke and Lexa grinned at each other, knowing how much it annoyed their friends when they used cutesy names like that, which was of course one of the main reasons they used them.  
  
Together they moved over to the arch, having to wait a few minutes for the people already there to finish with their own pictures, and then they started grouping together and used their cell phones to take pictures in every different combination possible. It started with the couples getting their pictures taken, first with Octavia and Lincoln, and then Clarke and Lexa, and then they pushed Raven and Bellamy forward to get theirs taken, and then even Jasper and Monty, even though they weren’t there “together,” as Jasper argued, his cheeks turning red. After that, every different combination was taken, with Clarke stepping forward and getting a picture between Jasper and Monty, and then Octavia and Raven replacing the boys, and then Octavia and Bellamy getting a picture together (each of course giving the other bunny ears). After many more pictures, they finally pulled someone over and then all crowded together under the arch, getting a couple altogether, all of them making funny faces or funny gestures.  
  
Finishing with that, they once again moved back to the dance floor, picking up where they had left off, jumping to the upbeat song playing at that moment, and then grinding to the next song. Finally a slow song came on, and Lexa smiled and raised her eyebrows at Clarke, holding out her hand. Clarke grinned and accepted it, allowing Lexa to pull her close. The blonde wrapped her arms loosely around the taller girl’s shoulders, while Lexa wrapped her arms around Clarke’s waist. They smiled, holding each other close as they moved slowly to the song. Lincoln and Octavia danced to one side of them, while Raven and Bellamy danced to another side of them, Jasper and Monty having left to find some ladies to dance with as well, but the two girls didn’t pay attention to anyone else. They didn’t talk, enjoying the peace of just holding each other and swaying to the music. It ended too soon, however, and the tempo picked back up, everyone going back to jumping and grinding. Before Clarke could really get into it, however, she felt a slight tug on her arm, and turned to see Octavia trying to get her attention.  
  
The brunette leaned forward, having to speak loudly to be heard over the music.  
  
“Do you mind getting a ride home with Bellamy and Raven?” she asked, “Lincoln and I have something else we’d rather be doing right now.”  
  
Clarke grinned and shook her head, shouting slightly as she replied, “Nah, go ahead, we’ll manage with those two.” Octavia grinned, but before she could turn away Clarke grabbed her arm. The other girl raised her eyebrows, and Clarke reminded her, “Remember: I expect my clothing back in one piece!”  
  
Octavia just smirked and waggled her eyebrows at her, and then turned away, moving straight over to where Lincoln stood at the edge of the dance floor. Clarke saw Octavia say something to him, and then he grinned, looked up at Clarke and waved, before the two quickly headed out. Smiling, Clarke shook her head, and then returned to where Lexa was waiting for her on the dance floor. They continued dancing, but less than a half hour later Clarke felt another tug on her arm, and this time she turned to find Raven beside her. She wasn’t smiling, however, and Clarke looked at her friend worriedly, seeing that she was clearly upset about something.  
  
“Do you mind if we go?” Raven asked, and Clarke had to strain to hear her words over the music, “I just saw Finn getting a little too close to Fox, and I don’t really feel like being here anymore.”  
  
Clarke gave her friend a sympathetic look and nodded, telling her, “Yeah, that’s fine. You get Bellamy, and we’ll meet you outside. I just want to say bye to Jasper and Monty.”  
  
Raven nodded, and then turned and disappeared into the crowd once again. Clarke sighed and then turned back to Lexa, who was giving her a curious look, not having been able to hear the conversation.  
  
“Time to go,” she told the taller girl, “Raven saw Finn, and doesn’t want to be here anymore.”  
  
Lexa just nodded in understanding, and the two scanned the dance floor, finding Jasper and Monty quickly. They made their way through the crowd, told the boys what was going on, and then gave them hugs before leaving the auditorium. They made their way through the school and back out the entrance, finding Bellamy and Raven already waiting for them outside. They headed to Bellamy’s car and got in, Bellamy and Raven taking the front seats while Clarke and Lexa got in the back. The car ride back to Clarke’s was fairly quiet, Raven still depressed at seeing Finn, Clarke and Bellamy not really sure what to say, and Lexa seemingly lost in her own thoughts. When they finally pulled up to Clarke’s house the blonde got out of the car, pulling the brunette with her. They thanked Bellamy, said their goodbyes, and then the car pulled away, leaving them alone.  
  
Clarke took Lexa’s hand and pulled her to the door, taking her key out of her pocket and unlocking it. They entered the house, Clarke closing and re-locking the door behind them. She then flipped on the lights and sighed, flopping on the couch, as Lexa sat a little more gracefully beside her.  
  
“Well that was fun,” the blonde said, a hint of sarcasm coloring her words.  
  
“It was fun,” Lexa agreed, her eyes staring off in front of her as she spoke. “Right up until that last bit. Before that though, I really was having a lot of fun.”  
  
Clarke grinned, pushing herself up into a better sitting position.  
  
“True,” she agreed, “Any night I get to spend dancing with you is a good night.”  
  
“Mm,” Lexa replied, clearly not actually paying attention, and Clarke frowned.  
  
Sitting up further, Clarke asked her, “Alright, what’s up with you?”  
  
Lexa pulled her focus back to Clarke and turned to look at the blonde as she replied, “What do you mean?”  
  
“I mean, what’s going on?” Clarke insisted. “All night you keep… I don’t know, checking out. What’s got you so preoccupied that you can’t tell I’m flirting with you?”  
  
Lexa looked sheepish, like a child caught doing something she knew she wasn’t supposed to do. “I’m sorry,” she murmured, “I’m not trying to ignore you. You know how much I love it when you flirt with me.”  
  
“Yes, I do know,” Clarke agreed, “Which is why I’m so surprised. Is everything okay?”  
  
The brunette let out a long sigh and rubbed her neck. She hadn’t wanted to ruin the night by bringing this up, but apparently she’d nearly ruined it by not bringing it up, so she guessed it was time to talk about it.  
  
“It’s just something that Anya and I were talking about this afternoon,” she muttered to the other girl, “I guess she’s figured out what she wants to do after graduation, and has started looking at a couple of schools already, and she was talking about how it’s really important to basically know right now what we want to do for the rest of our lives because time is running out.” Thinking about it all only brought the nerves back, so she stood up and started pacing as she continued. “She was talking about early acceptance, and regular admissions, and how you need to research any school you’re thinking about applying to, but you need to get your application in early before all the spots are filled, but I don’t even know what I want to do yet. I mean, sure, I’ve got a few ideas I guess, but none of them really stand out, and she knows that she wants to be a writer, and you know you want to go to med school, and Raven knows she doesn’t want to go to college at all, and I’m sure Octavia knows what she wants to do, and Lincoln and Bellamy are already in college getting ready to do what they want to do, and I just have no idea where I’m going or what I’m going to do!” Finishing her tirade, she dragged her fingers through her hair nervously, wincing as one finger snagged on one of her braids.  
  
“Woah woah woah, slow down Lexa,” Clarke exclaimed as she reached out and took her free hand, pulling her back to the couch. “Hey, it’s okay. First of all, if you think Octavia knows what she wants to do, you're crazy. But that's okay, and it's okay if you don't either. You don’t have to know right at this moment. You still have some time to figure it out before early acceptance happens, and you don’t even have to apply early acceptance. With your grades, you can easily get into almost any school.” She rubbed her arm reassuringly, and then added, “Besides, really you don’t even need to figure that out before applying to schools anyway. Most schools have undecided programs that help people figure that out. Plus most people change their majors at some point in college anyway. You have all kinds of time to figure things out, and I’ll be right here to help you do that. All you need to do is relax. Everything’s going to be fine.”  
  
Lexa took a deep breath, letting Clarke’s words wash over her. She was right, and the brunette knew it. She had no reason to start panicking, but Anya’s words from earlier had just caused a flood of nerves and uncertainties to attack her, and only now were Clarke’s words helping to build a dam to trap those feelings and lock them away again. She had time, and Clarke would help her figure things out, as would her father and other friends. She just needed to remember that.  
  
Finally she allowed a small, relieved smile to form on her lips before she leaned forward and gave Clarke a quick kiss. Pulling back slightly, she whispered, “Thanks. I needed that.”  
  
Clarke just smiled back, shaking her head slightly as she replied, “No problem.” She then tried to read Lexa’s eyes before she asked, “Everything okay now? No more freak out?”  
  
Lexa just chuckled softly before telling her, “No more freak out.”  
  
“Good,” Clarke said, and then stood up and held out her hand to help pull Lexa up from the couch. “Then I have a surprise for you!”  
  
Lexa raised her eyebrows, and then let Clarke lead her through the living room into the kitchen, and then into the backyard. They walked across the yard until they reached one of the large trees by the far fence. Lexa looked up the rope ladder that hung down from the tree, and raised her eyebrows as she asked, “Your treehouse? I’ve seen it before, hun.”  
  
Clarke just kept grinning and then grabbed the ladder and started to climb up, causing Lexa to sigh before she too began the climb. Finally pulling herself into the treehouse after Clarke, she stood up and looked around, a small smile growing on her face as well.  
  
At some point earlier, probably that afternoon, Clarke had come up here and spread out a ton of blankets and pillows, covering the entire floor with them. As Lexa moved forward, Clarke moved over and closed the door behind her, latching it so that the door wouldn’t open. That was the only spot on the floor which wasn’t covered, which Lexa thought was a smart idea. If these blankets were spread out for the reason she thought, then it would probably be best to know where the door that led to a very hard ground was. Turning back to Clarke, Lexa read the expression in her dark eyes and knew that yes, that was _exactly_ why she’d brought the blankets up there. The blonde moved over to the brunette, pressing herself against her girlfriend’s back.  
  
“I just figured after that dance and with my parents away, we’d like to have some alone time together, and it’s so beautiful out tonight, I didn’t see any reason for us to have to stay in the house,” she murmured, her arms tightening around Lexa’s waist.  
  
In reply, the taller girl turned around so that their fronts were pressed together, her hands moving to the back of Clarke’s neck and her hair.  
  
“Me neither,” she agreed, and then bent down and pressed her lips softly to the blonde’s, ending the conversation.  
  
For a few moments, the kiss remained soft, gentle, but then Clarke began tugging at Lexa’s lower lip with her teeth, wanting more. Lexa obliged, and the two moved into a war of teeth and tongue, Lexa’s tongue slipping through Clarke’s lips, dancing with her own tongue. Before long, Lexa’s lips moved from the blonde’s mouth to her jawline, nipping and sucking along its curve, causing the other girl to shiver.  
  
Suddenly Lexa pushed Clarke back until she hit the wall, her head lightly smacking the surface, but there was almost no pain as Lexa bit down on her pulse point, causing the smaller girl to let out a small whimper. One of Lexa’s hands remained in Clarke’s hair, lightly tugging on it so that she had more access to the blonde’s neck, while the other hand had trailed down to the hem of her shirt, fingers just starting to slip up the fabric leaving light touches on the pale skin. One of her knees pushed between Clarke’s legs, spreading them, and then pushed up against her center, bringing another moan to the blonde’s lips. Lexa grinned against the sweet skin, her tongue darting out to taste the slightly salty sheen that was quickly forming.  
  
“Lexa,” Clarke groaned, her fingers clenching against Lexa’s back, “Please.”  
  
Lexa’s grin simply grew, even as she shook her head lightly against her girlfriend’s neck. “No way,” she told Clarke, “I am going to take my time with you tonight.”  
  
The blonde moaned at the words, and then again when she felt the knee between her legs press against her harder, and the fingers dancing across her stomach move slightly further up her body. Clarke’s fingers gripped Lexa’s shirt desperately, and suddenly all she wanted was to feel her girlfriend’s skin, so she grabbed the bottom of the shirt and yanked it up. Lexa raised her arms and allowed her lips to leave Clarke’s skin just long enough for the other girl to pull the shirt over her head, and then went right back to attacking her neck, her fingers slipping back beneath Clarke’s shirt.  
  
As Lexa’s knee pressed against her, Clarke groaned in frustration, her hips jutting out against the knee to cause more pressure. An iron grip grabbed her hips after the first movement, and Lexa’s mouth moved to her ear, gently taking the earlobe between her teeth.  
  
“No,” Lexa murmured, her hot breath tickling Clarke’s ear and making her shiver, “I told you, I’m taking my time.”  
  
Clarke groaned, extremely turned on, but knew that Lexa was not going to budge.  
  
“Fine,” she finally groaned, as Lexa worked her earlobe between her teeth, “Then can you at least take my shirt off? I am wearing way too many clothes right now.”  
  
She felt more than heard the other girl chuckle, which caused another shiver to pass through her, but then she felt the one hand leave her hair to join the other at the hem of her shirt.  
  
“Alright,” Lexa whispered, “I suppose I can do that for you.” She gripped the fabric and then pulled it over the blonde’s head, just as she had done for the brunette minutes before, tossing the shirt to the side. She didn’t attach her mouth back to Clarke’s skin immediately, however, taking in the sight of the blonde’s pale skin soaking up the moonlight that pooled through the large window in the treehouse. Her knee continued to push against the other girl’s center, and she enjoyed watching the faces Clarke made as the pressure increased, but never by enough. Clarke’s eyes had been closed when her shirt was removed, but it was as though she could feel Lexa’s gaze drinking her in, because her eyes opened and looked directly into the other girl’s. Her mouth hung open slightly, small noises falling through those beautiful lips, but her eyes never left the other girl’s and Lexa could see just how dark they had gotten with her arousal. Smirking, Lexa leaned forward and covered those lips with her own, swallowing all of Clarke’s noises.  
  
While they kissed, both of Lexa’s hands trailed their way up Clarke’s front lazily, as though she had all the time in the world. Finally her fingers touched the pesky fabric of the blonde’s bra, slipping under and pushing it up. Fingers trailed touches of fire along the curves of her breasts, teasing Clarke further as they refused to sweep over her taut nipples. Her moans that the taller girl was swallowing turned into groans of frustration, and Lexa grinned against her mouth. Finally she decided to let up on the teasing a bit, and allowed both of her thumbs to glide over the hard nipples, practically burning them with the touch. Clarke moaned at the contact, her own fingers running down the other girl’s back leaving small scratches in their wake. So far the scratches didn’t hurt at all, but Lexa smirked knowing what would come. She wasn’t one to get off on pain, either receiving it or giving it out, but she had to admit she enjoyed it when Clarke would claw at her back while she gave her a particularly wonderful orgasm. A feat which she planned to do at least a few times that night.  
  
Wanting to have more freedom of movement, Lexa slipped one hand from beneath the fabric and reached behind Clarke who pushed slightly off the wall to give her better access. With the one hand, Lexa quickly undid the hooks of the bra, and then pulled her lips from Clarke’s as she grabbed the material and pulled it off the blonde before tossing it to the floor somewhere behind her. Instead of moving back to her lips, her mouth reconnected with Clarke’s neck and then trailed down to her clavicle, leaving a small mark behind before moving down her body to the breast that no longer had fingers working at it. She teased once again, her lips and tongue playing with the curve of the breast, causing Clarke to huff in frustration before she finally allowed her lips to close over the very hard nipple. As soon as they did though, Clarke’s head fell back, once again hitting off the wall, and moans flowed from her lips with no signs of letting up.  
  
Lexa’s lips sucked at the pebble in her mouth, her tongue rolling against the surface roughly, even as her fingers pinched and tweaked the other nipple. Her free hand had moved to the small of Clarke’s back, pressing her even closer to the taller girl as her mouth and fingers did wicked things to her. After a few moments, Lexa’s lips moved to the side, kissing across the valley between Clarke’s breasts until she reached the other nipple. This time she chose not to tease, and instead immediately wrapped her lips around it, sucking hard on it as her tongue pressed against it roughly. Clarke’s hips started thrusting against her knee once again uncontrollably, and Lexa's lips smirked around the bud in her mouth.  
  
She focused on the nipple until Clarke’s thrusting got to be too much for her, and then she moved her lips down, kissing the underside of her breast before lowering to her knees as she trailed burning kisses down the other girl’s stomach. The loss of pressure against her center caused Clarke to groan in frustration, but when she looked down and saw Lexa, eyes closed, lips pulling against her skin as she trailed down, down, oh dear god finally down!, she whimpered. This time Lexa didn’t smirk at the sound, her sole focus on her actions. She finally reached the hem of Clarke’s pants, and instead of immediately taking them off, she kissed along the length, first to one side, and then back over to the other. Only after that did she finally (oh god finally!) unbutton and unzip the jeans, slowly pulling them down pale, smooth legs. Lexa allowed them to pool at Clarke’s ankles, not yet having her completely remove them, as she trailed delicate kisses back up her calf, across her knee, and then up the inside of her thigh. Silently Clarke begged her to stop when she reached that one area where she needed, oh so desperately _needed_ , those lips, but to no avail. Instead she moved right across the apex between her legs, picking back up on the opposite thigh and trailing equally delicate kisses back down the other leg. The blonde groaned in desperate need, but Lexa didn’t stop until she had reached her ankle, and only then did she reach forward, gesturing for Clarke to lift her feet to take the pants off completely. She did, stepping out of one pooled pant leg and then kicking the jeans away with her other foot. Once she stood solidly (or as solidly as she could with legs that shook with pure arousal), Lexa picked her head back up, this time moving straight to the spot between the blonde’s legs.  
  
Moving back up, Lexa could immediately tell just how aroused her girlfriend was. A large wet spot had grown on her panties, and she was so wet that the scent of her arousal bombarded Lexa’s nostrils, and she allowed a groan to tear through her throat.  
  
“Mmm. God Clarke, I can tell you’re so wet,” she murmured without looking up. “You’re practically soaking.”  
  
A frustrated growl met her ears before she heard Clarke groan, “Lexa, would you _please_ just do it already? I can’t take any more of this!”  
  
Lexa smirked before she brought her face forward, first her nose nudging against the wet material slightly, and then her tongue darting out to press against it. She and Clarke groaned together, she at the taste of Clarke that clung to the fabric, Clarke at the small touch. A moment later, Lexa’s fingers slid under the hem of the panties, and dragged them down her legs slowly. As soon as they pooled at her feet, Clarke stepped out of them and Lexa threw them aside and then guided the blonde’s legs further apart. She felt Clarke’s fingers settle their grip in her hair, and she looked up, the lazy smirk growing again even as she saw the look of absolute frustration trained down on her.  
  
“Ready?” she asked, and Clarke rolled her eyes before replying, “Fucking finally.”  
  
Lexa chuckled once, and then moved her face into the space between Clarke’s legs. She kissed the lips before her tongue darted out, flattening against them. She listened to Clarke’s moans increase, and then finally slipped her tongue between the folds, the muscle immediately being bombarded with the wetness that was just so… _Clarke_. She lapped at it, pushing against the inside of her lips before trailing her tongue up to Clarke’s clitoris. She felt Clarke’s grip in her hair tighten as her lips closed around the nub, sucking against it even as her teeth lightly closed around it. The moans only increased as her tongue began pushing against it, and she could feel Clarke beginning to twitch. She had gotten her so worked up, she knew that it wouldn’t take long for her to push her over the edge once she actually starting touching her. Wanting to give her more, she slipped two fingers between her folds, pushing them inside easily before curling them inside her. The blonde’s moans grew in volume and intensity, but Lexa didn’t stop the action of either her mouth or her fingers, wanting Clarke to reach her limit. She sucked harder as she entered a third finger into her girlfriend, thrusting them in and out of her at irregular patterns, stopping to curl them every now and then. At this point Clarke’s grip on her hair actually hurt as she roughly pushed Lexa’s face further into her, but she wasn’t going to say anything, loving it when her girlfriend got this worked up. As her tongue pressed roughly against her clit and all three fingers curled inside her, the blonde finally came undone, nearly screaming Lexa’s name as her body shook against the brunette’s face. As soon as she came, Lexa withdrew her mouth from between the blonde’s body, but kept slowly moving her fingers inside her, helping her to ride out the orgasm, and Clarke's grip in Lexa's hair didn't lessen, the blonde needing something to hold on to. Only once her body stopped spasming and Lexa had withdrawn her fingers from inside Clarke did the blonde loosen her grip on the other girl's brunette locks.  
  
Her legs shaking and energy drained, Clarke nearly fell to the floor, Lexa's hands going to her waist to help her down. Somewhere in the back of her hazy mind she gave herself a pat on the back for thinking to put so many blankets down on the floor, otherwise that fall would have seriously bruised her knees. With the blankets however, the impact was much lighter, and with Lexa's fingers once again touching Clarke's bare skin, her sex-fogged mind couldn't quite care. Lexa pushed herself back so that she could lean against the wall with her legs out in front of her, and lazily Clarke followed, her legs moving to either side of the other girl's so that she was straddling her lap. The blonde looked down at the smirking brunette through eyes half closed, and she could see her chin glistening in the moonlight, Clarke's wetness clinging to her skin. Clarke used one finger to tilt Lexa's head up a bit further, and then she leaned down, her lips going to the brunette's chin, using her mouth to clean the other girl's face. As she tasted herself on Lexa's skin, she groaned once again, and she could feel Lexa shift beneath her, her thighs rubbing together.  
  
Without a word, Clarke reached down and unbuttoned and unzipped the brunette's jeans, her fingers slipping beneath the soft material of Lexa's panties. Before she could get very far, however, Lexa stilled her hand, and when she looked up into green eyes, Lexa gently pushed her off of her so that she could quickly strip out of her jeans and underwear, needing to feel her girlfriend's skin against her own. As soon as the clothing was off, she reached over and pulled Clarke back on her lap, and the blonde simply returned to her previous actions, her mouth going back to her chin and her fingers slipping between her folds. The taller girl held in a moan as she felt Clarke's fingers swirl around her clitoris, her own wetness making the action all the easier for the girl on her lap. As her fingers moved, so did her teeth and tongue, nipping and licking at the other girl's chin, cleaning it of her own essence. As the dual sensation of the blonde's fingers and mouth hit Lexa, she clamped down on her jaw. Clarke knew that she seldom made much noise while making love, and for Clarke it had become a game over the past year, to see how quickly she could make her girlfriend come undone vocally. Tonight was no exception, so she allowed her lips to travel up, licking a path to the other girl's lips, and once there, the blonde trapped Lexa's bottom lip between her teeth, pulling it into her mouth to suck on it while her fingers continued to swirl around her sensitive clit. She felt Lexa's grip on her sides tighten, and she knew it was working.  
  
Finally the blonde stopped sucking on her girlfriend's lip and pulled her face back a few inches, opening her eyes to look down on Lexa. The brunette felt the gaze and opened her eyes as well. Clarke watched the way Lexa's chest rose and fell as her fingers continued their work between her legs. She noticed the way Lexa's cheeks had taken on a rosy hue, and how her green eyes had darkened from their combined lust. The blonde girl took in every detail of the girl sitting beneath her, and wondered once again just how she had gotten so lucky.  
  
Leaning forward again, Clarke kissed Lexa softly and she felt the brunette return the kiss, their lips forming perfectly together. Her fingers slowed down, still circling the other girl, but moving at an almost lazy pace, and she could feel Lexa pout into the kiss. Smiling in return, she pulled back, looked once again at the other girl beneath her and murmured quietly, “I love you, you know.”  
  
Lexa's pout pulled up into a smile, her dark eyes shining as she replied, “Yeah, I know. I love you too.”  
  
Clarke shook her head lightly, and Lexa's smile fell a little, a confused look replacing it. The smile never left Clarke's face, however, as she leaned forward again, her forehead just nearly touching Lexa's as she said, “No, I love you. Everything about you.” She then kissed her again, just a quick peck and then pulled back away, saying, “I love your lips. I love the way you move.” She moved her lips to her cheek. “I love the way you think.” Her lips connected with her jaw. “I love the way you smile.” Down to her neck. “I love how you argue.” Her pulse point. “I love your skin.” Her clavicle. “I love how serious you are.” Her free hand reached behind her, undoing her bra, and then as soon as the piece of clothing had been removed, her lips closed around one nipple. “I love how loyal you are.” Her other nipple. “I love your breasts.” Her fingers suddenly slipped further down, and she entered the brunette quickly, the other girl gasping slightly at the sudden penetration, her mouth going dry as she listened to Clarke's words and felt her movement against her body. “I love the way your body responds to me.” Lexa felt herself inadvertently pushing up against Clarke's fingers. “And I love the way my body responds to you.” Lexa's grip on Clarke's sides tightened further as she felt wetness from Clarke against the skin on her legs. “I love how we work together.” The fingers inside her curled, and Lexa's hips thrust up, her muscles tightening in that electrifying way. “I love how you make me feel.” Her thumb rubbed against her clitoris as the blonde's lips moved back up her body, stopping next to her ear. “I love watching how I make you feel.” Lexa's breathing came in short, quick gasps as fingers moved in and out of her quickly, the thumb still drawing circles around her clit. She could feel her muscles clenching around the fingers inside of her, and her eyes fell closed, her senses now focusing solely on the words Clarke whispered and the sensations she felt from the fingers. “I love everything about you, and want to spend my life loving you.”  
  
That did it. With a final thrust of fingers and a cry, Lexa's muscles finally went crazy, her body shaking as her orgasm hit her. Clarke smiled against her skin, her fingers slowly pulling out of the other girl, making her shake harder. The blonde leaned back and watched her girlfriend get lost in the moments of orgasmic bliss. Only when her body began to calm down did Clarke lean forward once again, her lips pressing softly against Lexa's. At first Lexa didn't respond, her body still lost in bliss, but a moment later the feel of the other girl's lips registered in her clouded mind, and she began kissing back, trying to turn it into a heated kiss to show Clarke just how much she had loved that, but simply not having the energy to do so. The blonde seemed to understand however, and her smile remained steady even as she pulled back, her eyes taking in every detail of Lexa's face. A small, satisfied smile grew on Lexa's lips, even as she nodded once.  
  
“Yeah,” she finally said, even her voice sounding satisfied, “That just happened. It can happen any time you want. Any time. I'm not picky.”  
  
Clarke just laughed, her head falling forward and resting against Lexa's. The blonde's laughter seemed to energize the brunette, and she tipped her head up, engulfing Clarke's lips in her own and trapping her laughter, which quickly turned into something else as she kissed the brunette back. Lexa's hands moved up to Clarke's head and once again she wrapped her fingers through the blonde curls, pulling her closer as the kiss deepened. It lasted for many moments, their tongues dancing, lips drinking the other in. Finally Clarke pulled back, and the two simply smiled at each other, no words needing to be said. Moving her hands up Lexa's body, Clarke realized her fingers still dripped with the other girl's essence, and her eyes grew darker once again. Making sure she had all of Lexa's focus on her, she slipped the wet fingers into her mouth, closing her eyes as Lexa's taste coated her tongue, and she hummed happily around them. Lexa let out a heavy breath, her head shaking slightly even as her gaze never left Clarke's lips.  
  
“You,” she breathed out, “Are going to kill me one of these days, you know that right?”  
  
With a small “pop!,” Clarke drew the fingers from her mouth, her happy hum continuing. She opened her eyes once again, looking back down at Lexa before she told her cheerfully, “It'll be a fun way to go, at least.”  
  
Lexa chuckled, shaking her head again, and then pulled Clarke's face back down to her own, kissing her once again, this time tasting herself on Clarke's tongue as it pushed its way between her lips. It was a deep kiss: slow, passionate, a kiss shared between two people who wanted nothing more than to be together in that moment. When they pulled away, Lexa smiled up at Clarke, and she could see the smile reflected back at her in the blonde's shining eyes.  
  
“I love you too,” she informed the other girl softly, and the blonde could read just how true that was through the brunette's eyes. “I love everything that you are, and everything that you make me. You are my everything, Clarke Griffin.” Her lips curved up in a smirk as she added, “And now I'm going to show you just how much I mean that.”  
  
Clarke laughed, stopping only as Lexa's hands went back to her waist and used her strength to turn them over, Clarke's back now resting on the blankets on the floor, Lexa leaning above her, smirking down at the naked blonde beneath her. Her hands falling to the floor, giving herself over completely to the brunette, Clarke smiled and simply said, “Alright; show me.”  
  
Lexa's lips dipped down, and the two girls spent another hour showing each other just how much they meant to each other...

***

The following Monday Clarke opened her locker to find a small pile of clothes and two notes. Picking up the first note, she read: _It wasn't my fault: the zipper got stuck. Thanks for the clothes! ~ O_. The second note simply read: _Thanks. And.... Oops. My bad_. Putting the notes aside, she reached back in her locker and pulled out the black skirt from the top of the clothing pile. Shaking it out, she looked at the zipper and groaned: it was broken, and she highly doubted it was fixable. Hanging it over her arm, she reached in and grabbed the shirt she had let Raven borrow and looked it over. For a moment she couldn't figure out what the second note had been referring to, but then she saw it: three of the buttons on the shirt were missing, all right at chest level.  
  
Throwing both pieces of clothing back in the locker, Clarke slammed the door shut, grumbling about never letting her friends borrow her clothes again as she headed to her first class.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this took so long! My laptop got a virus, so I had to wait until I got it back to finish this, but as soon as I did, I finished this and got it right up for you! As always, I hope you enjoy, and please feel free to let me know what you thought! Thanks everyone!


	12. Chapter 12

Lexa stared at the door in front of her, letting out a long sigh. Her nerves were on edge, an anxious energy radiating off of her. Her legs fidgeted, bouncing up and down slightly as she sat and waited. She swallowed, closing her eyes and trying to breathe slowly to calm herself down. She had no reason to be so nervous, so she didn't understand why she suddenly felt so off.  
  
It was the middle of November, almost Thanksgiving, and she still hadn't figured out what she wanted to do after high school. She and her friends had talked out so many different options, from med school to business school to writing and everything in between, but nothing had stood out to her. They each had their advantages: if she chose med school, she could go wherever Clarke went. They would be together, and everything about that seemed right to her. However, she had no desire to stitch people up, bandage wounds, or hold someone's hand while they cried. Clarke wanted to do that: she enjoyed helping people, making them feel better. Lexa did not. Yes, she wanted to help people, but not in that way. She had turned down the idea of business school quickly, as she had no desire to spend her time behind a desk. Writing had been turned down for the same reason, plus she didn't think she had the patience or imagination to write. Octavia had suggested she stick with dance, and go to an arts school where she could learn more and focus on that passion, but as much as she truly loved dance, she knew that it wasn't something she would be able to make a living with, nor did she really want to try. Raven had told her to stop worrying, that maybe she should just take a year off and travel. Lexa liked the idea of travel, but the idea of doing so without any purpose caused her to turn it down.  
  
So with no ideas sticking, she had decided to meet with every college admissions counselor that visited her high school, hoping that if she couldn't figure out a profession to go into, at least she'd find a school she really liked where she could go to figure it all out. So far she had visited with seven different counselors, and while there were a few schools which had seemed like a possibility, nothing had completely grabbed her attention.  
  
Which is why she now sat outside her school's conference room, waiting for her next visit. This visit would be different from all the others. She had debated for days after hearing that the recruiter would be visiting the school, unsure whether or not she should meet with him, but finally she had decided she might as well. She had no idea what to expect, or why she was sitting there since she knew she wanted to go to college, and yet here she was.  
  
The door of the conference room opened, and Lexa stood up, wiping somewhat sweaty palms against her jeans. A tall man in uniform stepped out the door, shaking the hand of one of Lexa's fellow classmates, some redheaded boy she had never talked to, and honestly couldn't remember the name of.  
  
“Thanks again for meeting with me, Sergeant,” the boy said as he took his hand away, and the Sergeant nodded.  
  
“My pleasure Chris,” he replied, and Chris smiled at him before turning, nodding at Lexa in acknowledgment, and then walking away.  
  
Once Chris had walked away, the Sergeant turned to Lexa and studied her for a moment. Lexa held still, very purposefully not fidgeting under the gaze. She had never been a fidgeter, but with this man sizing her up, she had a bit trouble not starting. Instead though she stood still, her head held high. Finally the man held out his hand, saying, “Alexandria Woods, I assume.”  
  
“Lexa,” Lexa told him, nodding as she shook his offered hand. “Sergeant Penn.”  
  
“Lexa,” he reaffirmed, and then let go of her hand and turned to the open conference room, motioning towards it. “Let's go talk, Lexa.”  
  
She agreed, and walked into the room, the Sergeant following her. He held a chair out for her and she took it, sitting just a moment before he did. They sat in silence for a bit, each still sizing the other up. He looked intimidating in his dress blues, but Lexa had seen her own father and mother in there blues many times, along with many of their Marine buddies, so it didn't effect her quite as much as she imagined it might have Chris. Nevertheless, Penn was an intimidating man just from his height and intense expression, and it took every bit of Lexa's determination not to squirm under that look.  
  
Finally, when Lexa wasn't sure if she could take the silence anymore, the Sergeant spoke.  
  
“Lexa Woods,” he said, “Daughter of Lance Corporal Gustus Woods and Corporal Maria Woods. I've never met your parents, but I've heard a lot about them. Great Marines, both of them. I'm sorry about your mother.”  
  
Lexa clenched her jaw, but just nodded. Her mother was not a topic she wished to talk about, and he seemed to sense that.  
  
“So Lexa, you're interested in joining the Marine Corps,” he stated, and she shrugged.  
  
“I'm not sure, actually,” she told him truthfully, “It's just a possibility. I'm not really sure what I want to do once I graduate, so I figured I should look into everything.”  
  
“Makes sense. That's the way it is with many of the people I meet with,” the Sergeant replied, “Let me tell you about the Marine Corps. You might already know a lot of this, but in case you don't, I'll tell you what I tell every kid I meet with.  
  
“Marines are the first to fight, and are prepared for anything because they train for a broad spectrum of situations. We develop Marines into leaders by constantly exposing them to training situations that require sound decisions with limited time, resources or information. We train our Marines to use their judgment, decisiveness and knowledge to respond quickly and appropriately to any situation. Every Marine is trained to be a leader and prepared to fulfill the responsibilities of their role, or step in for a fallen leader. In the midst of chaos and uncertainty, the Marine Corps ensures even the most junior Marine has the confidence, judgment and authority to make crucial decisions under extreme stress.”  
  
Lexa listened to him and nodded. Most of what he said she already knew from her parents' time in the Marines, but hearing it from another person colored the words differently. For the most part, she didn't want to be interested in the Marine Corps, but a small part of her couldn't help but picture herself in the uniform, developing all of the skills he talked about.  
  
It was as though the Sergeant could sense Lexa's internal debate as he finished speaking. She could feel him studying her. She looked up, her gaze immediately finding his eyes on her face, trying to get a better read of her. She met his gaze, refusing to look away, even as she clearly studied his own expression, trying to get a good read on him as well. After a moment, he nodded, apparently having seen all he needed to in that look.  
  
“ _Semper Fidelis_ ,” he murmured, his voice strong even with its quiet tone. “Do you know what that means?”  
  
Lexa nodded, not taking her gaze from his.  
  
“'Always faithful,'” she told him, her tone equally as strong, “It's the Marine Corps motto. My parents used to say it all the time. My father still says it, sometimes.”  
  
Sergeant Penn nodded once, mirroring Lexa's movement before he informed her, “We follow these words not only in our missions, but also our daily lives. Once a Marine, we forever live by the ethics and values of the Corps. The Corps trains us, teaches us, what it means to be strong. Loyal. These traits become a part of us, as important to each of us as breathing. Being a part of the Marine Corps means being part of a brotherhood. We do what we do to protect our country and our brothers. Or,” he added, “Sisters. When you walk into battle, you do so with the purpose of accomplishing the mission, and keeping your brothers safe.” He stopped for a minute, studying Lexa once again, and then continued, saying, “There is another motto some Marines say. _Ductos Exemplo_.”  
  
Lexa frowned, the words not familiar to her.  
  
“That one I don't know,” she admitted, and he nodded, apparently having expected that.  
  
“ _Ductos Exemplo_ is a motto specifically used by Marine Corps Officers. Those who are enlisted learn it also, but it is not spoken as much as _Semper Fidelis_. I am not surprised your parents did not say it as often,” he told her.  
  
“What does it mean?” she asked, curious.  
  
“It means 'to lead by example,'” he replied, “It is a motto taught to those who choose to become a Marine Corps Officer. Not everyone who wants to be an officer succeeds.” He paused once again, taking a moment before telling her seriously, “Those who do wish to be an officer must display a great amount of self-reliance, discipline and responsibility. More than that, you have to want to be a Marine, have to want to lead Marines with the knowledge that the lives of those who follow you are in your hands. It is a great honor to be a Marine, no matter whether an officer or enlisted, but officers do have that added responsibility. It is challenging, and you are pushed to your limit as a Marine officer. Not everyone can handle it.” He looked her straight in the eyes, and Lexa found that she couldn't look away. “I feel like you could. If you are willing to work hard, train hard, and feel you can lead, then I believe you would excel as an officer of the Marine Corps.”  
  
Lexa's eyebrows pulled down, contemplating the idea. She thought about it for a few moments, then turned her attention back to the sergeant, asking him, “What would I have to do to become an Officer?”  
  
“There are a couple of ways you could do it,” he informed her, leaning forward slightly in his chair, “But the most common way would be to attend a four year college, enrolling in an NROTC program. There, while taking regular college classes, you would also study topics such as land navigation, maneuver tactics and general orders, and then would apply what you learn during tactical exercises. Along with that, you would study Marine Corps history, traditions, operations and organization. Depending on what exactly you want to do upon graduation, there are various programs that you would take part in during summers. You could also choose to join the Platoon Leaders Class, or the Officer Candidate School.”  
  
“What happens at the Officer Candidates School?” she asked.  
  
“At the OCS you would be evaluated on your leadership potential, as well as your moral, physical and academic strengths. You would have to pass the Physical Fitness Test, which consists of a timed run, pull-ups and crunches, and leadership traits. Upon completion of OCS, you would be commissioned as a second lieutenant, and after that you would go into The Basic School, which is a six-month course that helps develop leadership skills and that's where your MOS, or Military Occupational Specialty, is selected.”  
  
“And how is the MOS selected?” she asked, leaning forward, intrigued even though she she had not planned on taking a real interest in it.  
  
Sergeant Penn smiled slightly, and then mirrored her movement. He answered her question, and then her next one, and the two continued talking for another fifteen minutes, Lexa getting so involved in the conversation she didn't even realize how much time was going by, or how much her interest was growing with each answer the Sergeant gave her.  
  


***

  
Lexa hurried down the hallway, her bag swinging on her back. Her meeting with Sergeant Penn had run longer than it was supposed to, and now she was late for lunch. Checking her phone after she left the conference room, she found that Clarke had already texted her three times, all different forms of asking where she was. She hadn't told Clarke about meeting with the Sergeant since she had thought it would be done in plenty of time for her to get to lunch, so Clarke didn't know why she was running so late. Texting a hurried, “I'm heading to the cafeteria now,” without actually answering the blonde's questions, she had stopped at her locker just long enough to grab her books for her next period, and then headed down the hallway.  
  
Rounding the corner and entering the cafeteria, she quickly scanned the crowded room, eyes landing on the table that their group of friends had claimed in the far corner. She could see Raven animatedly telling a story, Clarke, Monty and Jasper laughing at it, Octavia preoccupied with something else. Wells was smiling at it, and even Anya sat looking as though she wasn't completely bored. Grinning, Lexa made her way to the table, surprising Clarke as she sat in the empty chair next to her.  
  
“So what'd I miss?” the brunette asked, leaning over and kissing the blonde on the cheek.  
  
“Lexa! It's about time! Where were you?” Clarke exclaimed, a smile growing on her face once again as her girlfriend settled next to her.  
  
“Oh, I just had a meeting with Kane,” she lied, avoiding the blonde's gaze, “It was just a simple meeting, but I couldn't text you with him talking to me. Nothing to worry about.”  
  
“Oh okay. I was just worried that maybe something was wrong,” Clarke replied, and Lexa couldn't maintain eye contact or look at her big smile. “Glad everything's okay.”  
  
“Yeah, me too,” Lexa agreed, her voice a little hollow, guilt eating at her stomach. She didn't want to lie to the blonde, but she also didn't want to tell her about her meeting with Sergeant Penn. Clarke knowing about Lexa thinking about the Marines would only worry her, and since Lexa told herself she wasn't really considering it, she didn't see any reason to bring that worry to the surface.  
  
She waved her hand, as though to wipe away the conversation, saying, “Yeah, of course it is. Nothing to worry about.”  
  
“Try telling me that,” Octavia groaned from across the table, glaring down at the cell phone in her hand.  
  
Clarke just shook her head as Lexa shot her a curious glance. She picked the apple up off the tray in front of her and offered it to the brunette, telling her as she accepted and took a bite of the fruit, “Don't mind O. She's just freaking out over nothing.”  
  
“Nothing?” Octavia repeated, a twinge of anger and worry in her voice. “It isn't 'nothing,' Clarke. This is the second time just this week that Lincoln has canceled our skype date. We haven't done anything but text for almost a week now!” She looked worriedly at her phone again, as though she blamed the small cellular device for her current problems. “What if he found someone else? What if he wants to break up?” She looked up, frowning at everyone at the table, and Lexa felt a twinge of sympathy for the other girl. She missed Lincoln as well, but knew it must be much worse for the other girl.  
  
Raven merely rolled her eyes and then slung her arm around her friend's shoulders, pulling her close as she informed her, “O, come on. Lincoln doesn't want to break up. He's probably just busy with college stuff. He does go to classes and has homework and tests, you know. Besides, our boy Lincoln is so not the kind of guy who would cheat on someone. Right Anya? You're his sister, you know him best. Tell Octavia she's being crazy.”  
  
Anya merely shrugged her shoulders, still only looking partially interested in the conversation, but she replied, “No, Lincoln isn't the kind of guy who would cheat on someone. He's too nice to do something like that. If he wanted to break up with you, he would do it. Though he is so nice that he hates hurting anyone, so he might put it off as long as he could if he did want to.”  
  
Octavia groaned, her head falling against the surface of the table, and Raven rubbed circles against her back as she glared at Anya. “We really need to work on your personal skills. That was not helpful. At all.”  
  
In return, Anya simply shrugged again, turning her attention back to the tray in front of her and pushing the remains of her cafeteria food around with her fork. Clarke looked at her, shook her head, and then turned her attention back on Octavia, whose head still remained on the table. She reached out and patted her arm comfortingly. When the other girl looked up, the blonde told her, “Lincoln loves you, O. He doesn't want to break up with you, he's probably just really busy with school. But he'll be back in a few days for Thanksgiving, and then you two can talk if you need to and get everything cleared up. Just tell him how you're feeling, and I'm sure you'll be able to figure things out. And besides, all you have to do is make it another few months, and you'll have graduated and you can either go to the same college as him or somewhere closer at least. It'll be okay.”  
  
Octavia let out a loud sigh, and then nodded, saying, “Yeah, okay, maybe you're right. I'm probably just being stupid.”  
  
Clarke nodded as the brunette sat back up, but Raven glared at them.  
  
“Hey, I said pretty much the same thing!” she exclaimed, taking her hand from Octavia's back, “How come you listen to her and not me?!”  
  
Octavia just rolled her eyes, though a grin formed on her lips as she pointed to where Clarke and Lexa sat, so close that they were touching.  
  
“Look at her,” the dark-haired girl said to her friend, “Once you get into a relationship even half as serious as that one, then I will take your advice. She must know what she's talking about if she's been able to keep Lexa around this long.”  
  
Anya let out what sounded an awful lot like a snort, which she turned into a cough when Clarke glared at her. Lexa in turn tried not to look guilty as the pit in her stomach settled even deeper, her conversation with Sergeant Penn and the lies she had told Clarke to cover it up eating away at her.  
  
Raven opened her mouth as though to say something, but just then the bell signaling the end of lunch rang, so instead she just let out a loud breath. Standing up and grabbing her tray from the table she stated, “Just cause I'm not in as perfect a relationship as that one doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about. I'm hella smart with these situations.”  
  
Octavia just shook her head, grabbing her own tray and following the other girl as she walked away, muttering, “Whatever you say, Rae. Whatever you say.”  
  
As everyone else at the table stood up and began to head out, Lexa reached over and dropped her apple core back on Clarke's tray and then pulled it towards her and stood up, telling the blonde, “Here, I'll take care of your tray.”  
  
Before she could get up, the blonde put her hand on Lexa's wrist, stopping her. The brunette looked down at the other girl curiously. Clarke flashed her a soft smile, and then told her quietly, “I'm sorry for bringing up college. I know that's still a sore subject for you, but I promise you, we're gonna find you something you're gonna love.”  
  
The guilt hit Lexa even harder, even as she tried to smile down at the blonde. She wasn't sure how successful the look was, so rather than linger there longer and take the chance of Clarke reading the guilt in her eyes, she leaned down and pecked the blonde on the cheek then stood up quickly, bringing the tray with her. “I've got this,” she said, motioning to the tray, and then turned away quickly, frowning as soon as her back was facing Clarke. She walked away, and with each step, she swore she felt the guilt grow stronger and stronger.  
  


***

  
Lexa fiddled with the page between her fingers, unable to focus on her homework. She had read one sentence at least five times, and retained nothing from it. She sighed, letting the book fall open on her lap. She looked across the room to where her father sat in his large chair, his own book in his hands. Her conversation with Sergeant Penn continued to filter through her head, his words ringing in her ears. Part of her wanted to mention her meeting with him to her father, but she didn't want him to know about it yet. If she made this choice, she wanted to do so without any views from her father. She had no idea whether he would be for it or against it, but she wanted to figure this out before she got his opinions. However, that didn't stop her from wishing she knew what he would say, and that wish kept nagging at her, no matter how many times she tried to push it away.  
  
“Hey Dad,” she finally said, breaking through the silence in the room.  
  
Gustus didn't lower his book as he murmured, “Mm?”  
  
“What was it like being a Marine?” she asked, her curiosity getting the best of her.  
  
Hearing her question, her father finally put his book down, looking up at her with a small frown.  
  
“Why do you ask, Lexa?” he wanted to know, his eyes searching her. She seldom ever mentioned the Marines, and he knew it was because of her mother. Back when her mother was alive, they talked about the Marines often, telling their young daughter stories about themselves and their friends while they served (those which were appropriate for a seven year old, which there were few of), but after her mother's death, Lexa hadn't wanted to hear them. That she was bringing it up now shocked him, and he had a hard time hiding that shock.  
  
She fiddled around with her book for a moment, trying to figure out how to word how she was feeling and thinking.  
  
“I don't really know,” she admitted honestly, looking at him. “I just... I guess I've been thinking about Mom lately, and the Marines was just such an important thing to her. I guess I just want to know why. What was worth losing her life for? What was worth risking yours?”  
  
Gustus moved forward in his chair, laying his book on the small table next to him, and then placing his hands in his lap, fingers clenching his pants. They were such loaded questions, but had such simple answers, and all of those answers swirled around in his head. He took a deep breath to get his thoughts in order, and then looked back up at her, telling her, “Your mother and I fought for the same thing: our country. Our people. It's the same thing every Marine fights for.”  
  
“Yeah but... There's gotta be more to it than that,” she told him, not fully understanding.  
  
Gustus shook his head, his long hair flowing with the movement of his head.  
  
“There's nothing more than that: there is nothing more important than our people, Lexa,” he informed her, and the emotion in his voice surprised her. “Your mother used to say that everyone has a part to play in this world. Some choose to be teachers, some choose to be doctors. Some prefer to work in the food business; others become police officers, scientists, writers, chiropractors. Every job is important, and none is more important than the other. And some people choose to fight so that each person in this country has the right to choose what they want to do with their life. Being a Marine means thinking about all of the people you are fighting for.” He took a moment, working to pull his thoughts together so that he could continue. “When I enlisted, I did so because I needed the discipline. I had no idea where my life was going; I was lost, and my father told me I needed guidance. So I joined the Marines, and they gave me the discipline I had been searching for. They gave me a purpose. I stuck with it to fight for my family, so that they would always be free. Then after a few years I met your mother, and she taught me that I wasn't just fighting for my family: I was fighting for hers as well, and the family of every man in my unit. The Marines taught me that I was fighting for every person who calls this country their home.”  
  
“ _Semper Fidelis_ ,” Lexa whispered loud enough for him to hear it, and he nodded.  
  
“'Always faithful,'” he translated, “These are words I live by, every day. I might not be on active duty anymore Lexa, but I am still a Marine. Once a Marine, you never stop being one, no matter where you are or what you are doing. Those lessons, the values the Marines teach you, they stick with you. No Marine ever forgets their oath.”  
  
“Oath?”  
  
Gustus looked over to the flag that they always had hanging on the wall by the doorway, and then said clearly, “I, Gustus Woods, do solemnly swear that I will support and defend the Constitution of the United States against all enemies, foreign and domestic; that I will bear true faith and allegiance to the same; and that I will obey the orders of the President of the United States and the orders of the officers appointed over me, according to the regulations and the uniform code of military justice. So help me God.” Finishing his oath, he turned back to his daughter and told her, “Once you say those words, you are a member of the Marine Corps, a brotherhood that remains part of your life until the day you die. I am proud to be a Marine, Lexa. I have never not been proud of that, and your mother felt the same way.”  
  
Lexa nodded, frowning, looking away, and Gustus could see his daughter's mind whirling behind those dark eyes of hers. He cleared his throat, getting her attention once again, and then asked haltingly, “Are you... These questions... Are you thinking about joining the Marine Corps, Lexa?”  
  
The brunette bit her lip, a habit she had picked up from her girlfriend. She considered lying to him for a moment, but saw no reason to, so finally she nodded once.  
  
“I... Maybe,” she told him, and then she told him all about her meeting with Sergeant Penn. Finishing the story, she informed him, “He told me he thought I might make a good officer. He said he had heard of you and mom, and had looked into me, and from what he had learned, he thought if I choose to join, I should go to the Officer Candidates School. But... I don't know. I don't know if I want to be a Marine. I would have to leave, and who knows when I would come home? Who knows how long it would be before I saw you or Clarke, or anyone again? I don't want to leave you guys.”  
  
Gustus let his daughter talk, understanding her fears. He remembered those fears well, having had them himself before he had left for the first time. He waited for her to finish and let her catch her breath. Once she had, he replied softly, “It's a hard decision to make, Lexa. What Sergeant Penn suggests is an honor, but it would be hard work, harder work than anything you have ever done before. I don't doubt that you could do it though.” She looked up at him, a little surprised, and he smiled at her softly. “You are your mother's daughter,” he informed her, “You take challenges as they come and you rise above them every time. I have never seen you fail at anything you have ever set your mind to, and so I know you would do well with this, if it is what you want to do. You have to want it though, Lexa. You can't let anyone else make this decision for you: not me, not Sergeant Penn, and not Clarke.”  
  
Lexa winced slightly at her girlfriend's name.  
  
“Clarke won't want me to do it,” she murmured, and Gustus shrugged.  
  
“You're probably right,” he agreed, “She probably won't. She loves you, and she won't want you to leave. But Lexa, this has to be your decision. You can't decide to not do this just because Clarke wouldn't want you to, just as you can't decide to do it just because Sergeant Penn does.”  
  
“What about you?” she asked, “Would you want me to do it?”  
  
Gustus paused, thinking it over, and then replied, “I want you to be happy. I want you to feel like you have a purpose. Yes, I want you safe. If you choose to do this, I will worry about you every day. But I will understand why you chose it. I know the pull of wanting to protect the people you care about. I know the pull of the Marines, and like I said, I am proud to be one. I believe that you would make a great Marine, greater than either your mother or I ever was, but I also believe that you need to want it, not me want it for you.” He stood up as he talked and made his way across the room to the couch. Sitting down next to his daughter, he wrapped his arm around her shoulders and pulled her close to him. He felt her rest her head on his chest, just as she had so often done as a little girl, and for a minute, she was his little girl again, not this nearly-grown woman. Letting the memories of the past eighteen years wash over him, he kissed her forehead and then whispered into her hair, “I just want you happy, Lexa. If you think being a Marine will make you happy, then join the Marines. If not, then do whatever it is that you think will make you happy, and I'll support you.”  
  
Lexa buried her face against her father's chest, inhaling his woodsy scent. She remembered being a little girl and her father hugging her so tightly that his scent would engulf her. Nothing made her feel safer than that scent, and right now it helped her to calm down. She could tell that he understood her worries, and she knew he would support her, and that in and of itself made her feel better.  
  
They sat together for another few moments, both finding comfort in the other, and then Lexa finally pulled away. She looked over to him and gave him a small smile.  
  
“Thanks Dad,” she told him, and he returned the smile.  
  
“You're very welcome, hun,” he replied, and as she stood up, he added, “Can I give you a suggestion?” She turned to him and nodded, and he continued, “Look up more information about it all before you make your decision either way. Know what the Marine Corps really is before you decide you do or don't want to sign up.”  
  
Lexa nodded, gave her father another smile, and picked up her book from where she had dropped it on the couch. With one final thanks, she headed up to her room to try to get back into her homework. Her father had managed to calm a few of her worries, so now she might actually be able to focus and get her work done. And then she thought she would look more into the Marines Corps, just as her father suggested.  
  


***

  
That night Lexa stayed up until almost three in the morning researching the Marine Corps.  
  


***

  
“Clarke, I... I have something I need to tell you.”  
  
Two days. For two days, Lexa had known. She had made her decision, and the relief of making that decision had been outweighed only by the complete anxiety she felt from not having told Clarke yet. She wanted to tell her, but every time she had started to, she chickened out. She knew that Clarke was not going to like what she had to say, and hurting or upsetting the blonde was the last thing she ever wanted to do, and yet she had to tell her. She had to. So finally she had decided that she couldn't put it off anymore, and had asked Clarke to go for a walk with her after school got out. She figured she wouldn't be able to chicken out if the two were alone and she had no where to run, so when Clarke had agreed and they had started down the street, she knew it was time. However, as those blue eyes turned on her, the curiosity in them shining up at her and the fingers around her own squeezing her hand in comfort, Lexa desperately wished she could take her words back, her heart beating crazily in her chest.  
  
“What's up, Lexa?” Clarke asked her, her large smile only making Lexa more nervous. “You've been kinda quiet the past couple of days. Is something wrong?”  
  
Lexa shook her head, her mouth suddenly really dry. She tried to swallow, only being so successful with the attempt, and then replied, “No, nothing's wrong, exactly. Actually, things are really well. Kind of. I uh, I've figured out what I want to do after graduation.”  
  
The blonde's eyes widened, and her hand squeezed Lexa's tighter as her smile grew even larger.  
  
“Lexa, that's great!” she exclaimed excitedly, stopping on the side of the road and pulling Lexa to a stop beside her. “See, I knew you'd find something! What is it? What have you decided?”  
  
Lexa looked down, unable to meet Clarke's eyes anymore, and Clarke frowned at the movement and the silence from the other girl. She noticed the brunette shifting nervously, pulling slightly on her hand, though not hard enough to disconnect them. This was not the reaction she had expected when Lexa finally figured out what she wanted to do, and it worried her. Tugging on her hand lightly, causing the brunette to look back up at her, the blonde asked quietly, “Lexa?”  
  
The other girl let out a long breath, licked her lips, and then looked her right in the eyes as she told her quickly, “I want to join the Marine Corps. I want to be a Marine.”  
  
Clarke's mouth hung open, no sound coming out of it. She heard a sudden rushing in her ears which drowned out every other noise, and she felt as though her entire being had shut down. Her mind both whirled and stood completely still, unable to process any kind of thought. She saw Lexa shift again and bite her lip, but the movement barely even registered with the blonde. Finally she was able to choke out, “I'm... What was that?”  
  
Lexa took a deep breath and informed her slowly, “Clarke, I want to be a Marine.”  
  
And then her mind started working again. Images flashed in her mind of things she had seen on TV. Movies with soldiers being blown to pieces. Newsreels talking about missing soldiers. Clips of families crying, standing over a tombstone in a cemetery. Lexa's face. Lexa's face on the images of the bleeding and dying soldiers. Lexa's beautiful skin pale with the color of death. Herself standing in front of a tombstone with Lexa's name on it. And all of a sudden, she couldn't breathe. Her heart felt as though it was stuck in her throat, beating so furiously that she couldn't get any air past it. Her body shook and she felt Lexa rest her free hand on her shoulder, trying to steady her.  
  
Lexa's touch brought her back to reality. She didn't know when it had started, but her head shook slowly from side to side.  
  
“No,” she murmured quietly, her voice rising as she continued, “No no no no no. No. I don't... How can... No. Lexa, please... I don't understand. Just... What?”  
  
Lexa licked her lips, trying to steady herself against Clarke's complete refusal and confusion. She had expected this, but it didn't make it any easier.  
  
“Clarke, I want to be a Marine,” she repeated, her voice sure even though she hated the way Clarke was looking at her, “It's what I want to do. I've been thinking about it for a while now, and it's important to me. I want to help people. I want to keep people safe. I would be good at it, I think, and it's work I would be really proud to do. I just... It's what I feel I need to do. I don't really know how to explain it, but I do.”  
  
“How long is a while?” the blonde asked, clenching her jaw, trying to hold in her emotions and not being entirely successful.  
  
Lexa looked away and then back at Clarke, and the blonde knew she wasn't going to like her answer.  
  
“A few days, technically,” the brunette replied, “Well... Kind of. I think maybe it's been in the back of my mind for a while, but I met with a recruiter last week, and he-”  
  
“Wait a second,” Clarke interrupted, speaking a bit louder than she had intended to, “You met with a recruiter? Already? And you met with him last week, and you're only just telling me about it now? Why didn't you tell me sooner?!”  
  
Lexa swallowed before she told her quietly, “I knew you wouldn't like it, so I... put it off, I guess. I didn't want to keep it from you, but I didn't really know how to tell you. I'm sorry.”  
  
“So this whole time I've been trying to help you figure out what you wanted to do after we graduate you already knew?” Clarke asked angrily, pushing away from the other girl and taking a step or two back.  
  
“No,” Lexa replied quickly with a shake of her head, “No, I didn't know the whole time. I've only known for sure this is what I want for a couple of days, and before that it was just kind of a thought, and I really didn't think it would turn into anything other than a thought, so I never brought it up.”  
  
“Well maybe if you had brought it up I wouldn't feel so blind-sided now!” Clarke growled, shooting a glare at Lexa, causing the brunette to take a step back at the anger directed at her. “How could you keep this from me?!”  
  
“I didn't mean to!” Lexa exclaimed, stepping forward again and trying to place her hand back on Clarke's shoulder, but the blonde shrugged away from her, and Lexa felt as though she had just been punched and had the wind knocked out of her.  
  
“You didn't _mean_ to?!” Clarke replied, her brow furrowed in complete fury. “How do you 'not mean' to tell someone something? Either you tell me, or you don't!”  
  
“I just did!” Lexa yelled, trying to get Clarke to listen to her, but the blonde just shook her head.  
  
“No, Lexa, you should have told me sooner,” she informed her, “I should have been part of the decision making. You should have taken my opinion into consideration before you decided. If you loved me you would have asked me how I feel about that before you just decided to make such a big decision!”  
  
Lexa looked like she had been slapped, her eyes going wide, mouth falling open.  
  
“Clarke,” she murmured quietly, “I do love you.”  
  
The blonde just shook her head furiously, taking a step back, and then another.  
  
“I can't do this right now,” she said, barley looking at Lexa, “I have to go.” With that, she turned around and all but ran back down the street, leaving Lexa standing alone in shock, watching the woman she loved run away from her. Neither girl could see the tears running down the other girl's face as Clarke disappeared down the road, Lexa letting her go.  
  


***

  
Clarke held her book tightly, the corner of the hard cover biting into the palm of her hand. She clenched her jaw hard, teeth grinding on each other. She was desperately trying to focus on either the book in front of her or Octavia and Raven, but thoughts of a certain brunette kept flowing through her head, and each time they did she felt her heart clench and her stomach lurch.  
  
It had been over twenty-four hours since Lexa had told her her news, and Clarke still could barley wrap her head around it. She had hardly spoken to the other girl at school, not even being able to look at her without wanting to either shout or cry, and she couldn't let herself do that. She knew, either way, if she gave in to the impulse she wouldn't be able to stop, so instead she had done her best to ignore the other girl, especially the sad looks that the brunette would give her when she thought she wasn't looking. Now, rather than sitting alone at her house and trying not to think, she had decided to go to Raven's with Octavia, in the hopes that her two best friends would be able to provide her with the distraction she desperately needed. Unfortunately, so far that hope had yet to be fulfilled.  
  
Octavia finished a text and then threw her phone down next to her on the bed before flopping backwards, her head landing on Raven's thigh.  
  
“Ugh,” she groaned, “Just a couple more days. I can do this. I'll make it.”  
  
Raven rolled her eyes before looking down at the girl whose head now rested on her lap.  
  
“You make it sound like some horrible thing,” she told the other girl, “You would think you'd be excited for your boyfriend to be coming home for Thanksgiving.”  
  
“I'm excited,” Octavia replied, but then sighed and added, “But I'm still not convinced he doesn't want to break up. I mean, we've talked a little more this week, and I know he said he canceled our skype dates last week because he had a big test to study for, but what if that's not all there is to it? I mean, what if he's found someone else? How can I compare to some college slut who is right there whenever he wants her, while I'm stuck all the way back here?”  
  
“Come on O,” Raven groaned, “There is no college slut and you know it. This is Lincoln we're talking about, and he loves you. Yeah, I get that it's hard, but you have got to chill. All of this worry and paranoia isn't good for you or your relationship, so just relax will ya?”  
  
Octavia sighed again, letting out a big breath before she said, “Maybe you're right.”  
  
Raven cocked an eyebrow at her and told her, “Duh, of course I'm right; I'm always right. Right Clarke?”  
  
The two girls looked expectantly over to where their friend sat next to them on the bed, but found her just frowning into her open book, clearly not paying attention. They looked at each other, raising their eyebrows at each other and then turned back to the other girl. Octavia rolled over so that she lay on her front, her arms resting beneath her and holding her upper half up slightly, and as she rolled off her lap, Raven turned slightly in the bed so that she could easily face the broody blonde.  
  
“Uh, Clarke?” she called, and then waved her hand in front of the blonde's face, snapping her out of her thoughts.  
  
When the hand suddenly intruded her vision, Clarke snapped back to reality, her head coming up and looking over to find both of her friends looking at her expectantly.  
  
“What?” she asked, and she noticed the two brunette's look at each other before Raven turned her attention back to her and told her, “I said I'm always right, right?”  
  
“Sure,” Clarke replied, wincing slightly when she realized that came out with a little more anger than she had meant.  
  
Raven raised her eyebrows at her, and asked, “Okay, what is going on with you? You are in a serious mood, and I gotta say, it's not exactly fun.”  
  
Octavia elbowed her lightly on the leg, glaring up at the brunette as she shot her a look that clearly said, “What, it's true!” Instead of saying anything to the other brunette, however, Octavia turned her attention back to Clarke and said softly, as though she were talking to a wounded animal, “Is everything okay, Clarke? Is something going on with you and Lexa?”  
  
Clarke clenched her jaw before asking stiffly, “Why do you think something's wrong with me and Lexa?”  
  
“Uh, maybe because you were basically avoiding her all day today at school,” Raven replied, rolling her eyes, causing Octavia to glare at her again, which she totally ignored. “So come on Princess, speak up: what's happened to rock that perfect relationship of yours?”  
  
Raven's question broke through her shield of anger and hurt, and the two friends watched as the blonde nearly deflated in front of them. Clarke swallowed hard before telling them quietly, “Lexa wants to join the Marines. She wants to join the Marines, and she didn't tell me about it until yesterday.”  
  
Silence rang out around them as the shock of Clarke's news hit the other two girls and they registered her words. Finally Raven let out a long whistle before saying, “Wow. That's... Wow. I guess that means she's finally figured out what she wants to do after high school.”  
  
“Yeah,” Clarke agreed, anger once again clinging to her tone, “Yeah, she's decided, and she didn't care enough to tell me sooner. She's decided that she wants to do something that could... She wants to do something that'll take her really, really far away, and she didn't have the decency to tell me sooner.”  
  
Octavia frowned and asked, “Weren't both of her parents Marines?” Clarke nodded, and Octavia added, “And didn't her mother...?”  
  
“Yes!” Clarke exclaimed throwing her hands up, “Her mother didn't come back from the last tour she went on, and now Lexa wants to go follow in her footsteps! It's... I don't know, it's just crazy! How can she think that's a good idea?! Has she even thought this through at all?!”  
  
Octavia and Raven looked at each other again, and then Octavia said, “Clarke, Lexa isn't really the kind of person who does anything without thinking it through. I'm sure she's put a lot of thought into this decision. I'm sure she knows what she's doing.”  
  
“She can't!” Clarke cried, glaring down at Octavia, “She can't have thought this through! She's just... She's being stubborn and... and foolish! She can't join the Marines! Do you know what could happen to her?!”  
  
“Yeah, we do,” Raven replied, her face completely serious. “She could get hurt. That's what you can't say, right Clarke?” The blonde turned her glare on the other girl, but Raven didn't back down. “If Lexa joins the Marines, she could get seriously hurt. She could even die, like her mother did. But Clarke, you know that Lexa's already thought about that; she couldn't not have thought about it, and she still wants to do it. She knows the risks better than anyone. She knows the pain of losing a loved one who chose to die for her country, and now Lexa is willing to do the same thing. She's found something that she really wants to do, and after all the time she's spent looking, I think it's awesome she's finally found it.”  
  
Clarke shook her head, glaring hard at the brunette.  
  
“She can't go,” she growled, “She can't. I'll... I'll ask her not to go. She loves me. I know she won't do it if I ask her not to.”  
  
“Clarke, you can't ask her to do that,” Octavia told her, trying to keep her voice soft to soothe the other girl, “If you do, it'll be the end of you guys. Even if she does stay, she'll have given up what she really wanted because you asked her to, and she'll resent you for it. She'll always wonder what it would have been like if she had gone, and you guys won't be able to get past that.”  
  
“And if she goes?!” Clarke yelled, “What happens if she goes?! How are we supposed to be okay if she's gone for who knows how many years? What am I supposed to do with her gone, worrying every single day about whether she's safe? Whether she's even alive? How am I supposed to deal with that?”  
  
“My _god_ you're selfish,” Raven exclaimed, jumping up from the bed.  
  
“Raven-” Octavia began, sitting up, but the other girl cut her off.  
  
“No O, no, she needs to hear this,” she told her, and then turned back to the blonde who was looking at her with wide eyes. “You are being so incredibly selfish, do you realize that? This decision isn't about you, it's about Lexa. It's her life, and she should be able to choose whatever she wants, and as her _girlfriend_ you should support whatever decision she makes! You don't want her to go because _you'll_ have a hard time with it? What about her? Have you even stopped to think about what Lexa will be giving up if she does become a Marine? How often do you think she'll be able to see or even talk to her father? Huh? Yeah, you won't be able to see her, but she won't be able to see _you_ either! She will be cutting herself off from literally everyone she loves, and you can't look past the fact that you won't be able to deal with being away from _her_. She wants to put her life on the line for you. For me. For all of us, and you can't _support her_? All I can say is get over yourself, Princess. I know you're sad and scared, but open your eyes and see that she must be too, and that she needs your support, not your pride or anger. So just knock it off, and be the girlfriend that she needs now, not the spoiled brat you're acting like.”  
  
As Raven's rant ended, silence engulfed the three girls. Raven stood, glaring down at Clarke while Clarke stared back at her, her jaw still clenched, returning the glare. Octavia sat looking back and forth between them, not sure how to break the tension hanging in the room. Suddenly Clarke stood up, threw her book in her bag before roughly slinging it over her shoulder and mumbled something about needing to go somewhere before she all but ran out of the room. As she disappeared, the silence grew once again before Octavia turned back to Raven, opening her mouth to say something, but the other girl raised her hand, cutting her off.  
  
“I'm not sorry,” Raven informed her, “I meant every word, and I'm not sorry for saying it.”  
  
Octavia shook her head, telling her, “I wasn't going to say that. I was gonna tell you that you have some serious lady balls for saying that. She needed to hear it, and I don't know if I would have been able to say it.”  
  
The other girl shrugged before flopping back onto the bed, this time laying her head in Octavia's lap.  
  
“Yeah, well, that's what I'm here for,” she replied, and then sighed, saying, “She's probably gonna be pissed at me for a while, though.”  
  
It was Octavia's turn to shrug.  
  
“She'll get over it,” she said, playing with the other girl's hair to try to help her relax. “Eventually.”  
  


***

  
Clarke knocked on the door in front of her and only had to wait a few moments before it opened. Lexa's father looked down at her in slight surprise, but then smiled softly at the blonde and stepped back, holding the door open for her.  
  
“She's in her room,” he told her, jerking his head in a gesture for her to come in. She shot him a small smile and entered the house quickly. Before she could exit the room she heard the door shut behind her and Gustus call to her. She turned back to him, looking at him quizzically. He gave her another smile and then told her, “Clarke, if you ever need someone to talk to... I'm here, and I'm a pretty good listener. I know this is hard, but it can be easier when there's someone who knows all about it you can turn to. I'd be happy to be that person for you.”  
  
Clarke felt a lump form in her throat but she swallowed it, knowing that if she started to cry now she wouldn't be able to get the words out that she needed. So she just nodded and sent him another smile, telling him, “Thank you. So much.” He nodded, and she turned back around, heading through the house until she found the room she had spent so much time in over the past year. The door was closed and she had to take a deep breath, but finally she raised her fist up and knocked. This time she barely had to wait any time for the door to open, and then Lexa was standing in front of her, one hand still wrapped around the doorknob, looking down at her in shock and confusion.  
  
“Clarke! What... What are you doing here?” she asked, worry flashing across her eyes, and Clarke could feel the water building in her own. This time she wasn't able to swallow the lump in her throat, and the tears spilled over, quickly cascading down her cheeks.  
  
“I'm scared,” she whispered, her voice breaking.  
  
“Clarke...,” Lexa murmured, and then threw her arms around the blonde's shoulders, pulling her against her body so that she could hold her tightly. She felt the body against her shaking, and she held her tighter, burying her face against the blonde's neck. “I'm scared too,” she whispered, and her own tears fell down her cheeks, dampening the golden locks in her face.  
  
“I'm so sorry,” the blonde sobbed, shaking her head against Lexa's shoulder, “I'm so, so sorry. I was horrible.”  
  
“Shh,” Lexa shushed her, “You weren't horrible.”  
  
“Yes I was,” the other girl insisted, “I was selfish, and acted like a spoiled brat, and all the other things Raven said, but I'm just so scared!”  
  
Lexa's fingers wrapped loosely in her hair, shushing her even as she made a mental note to ask about the Raven thing later. Instead she told her, “It's okay Clarke, I understand. You're scared and angry. You have a right to be.”  
  
Clarke pushed against her, pulling back just far enough so that she could look at Lexa, but not far enough away so that either of them would have to let go of the other.  
  
“No, no I don't,” she replied, the tears still streaming down her face, “You must be terrified, so I should be strong for you. I should, should be supportive, not, not telling you you can't do it. I just... I keep thinking about you getting hurt, or, or worse, and I can't... I can't get the pictures out of my head!”  
  
Her cheeks wet with fresh tears, Lexa leaned forward, pressing her forehead against Clarke's. She moved her hands so that they were cupping the other girl's face, her thumbs gently brushing against her damp cheeks, trying to wipe away the tears. She looked into Clarke's eyes for a moment, and then leaned forward and pressed a gentle kiss to her lips. Bringing her lips away, she whispered honestly, “I don't know how to help you with the images. But I can tell you that every second I'm gone, I'll be thinking about you, and about getting home to you.”  
  
Clarke let out a sound that seemed to be halfway between a sob and a laugh before she too leaned forward and pressed her lips back against the brunette's, dragging it out longer than the last had been. When she pulled away, her tears had nearly stopped, and she rested her forehead back against the other girl's. Her eyes were closed, allowing her other senses to soak in everything that was Lexa.  
  
“I'll go with you,” she murmured suddenly, causing Lexa's eyes to fly open as hers too had been closed. “I'll go with you. They need medics too, right? I'll go with you, so that I can make sure you come back.”  
  
“No Clarke,” Lexa whispered, shaking her head gently without pulling away. When the other girl opened her eyes, questioning her, she told her, “If you want to join the Marines because it is what you want to do for yourself, then I won't try to stop you. But if you are just saying that because you're scared of what could happen to me, then I will fight you on that decision until my last breath. You've always wanted to be a doctor; I won't let you give up your dream to follow me to mine.”  
  
There was a long pause while the two stared into each others eyes, and then tears began to spill once again from Clarke's eyes.  
  
“I don't want to be a Marine,” Clarke whispered, and then the sobs broke free once again. “But I don't want to see you go, either.”  
  
Lexa pulled her against her once again, holding the blonde tighter when she felt her bury her face against her neck. She shushed her soothingly, holding her tightly as she told her softly, “I know, my love. I don't want to leave you either. But we have some time still. I'm not going anywhere for a while, so we'll just have to make the most of the months we have left. We'll be fine. I promise. I promise.”  
  
She felt Clarke nod against her neck, but she also felt the tears against her skin. She held the blonde even tighter, hoping that if she did, time might slow down. It was all she really wanted: for time to slow down.  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so I knew just about nothing about the Marines before getting to this chapter, so everything in here is from research I did specifically for the story. If something is weird or inaccurate, I am very sorry, and please tell me so that I can fix it! Also, it'll probably be at least about two weeks before I can update again, because I start training for my new job next week, and probably won't have much time to write. Thanks, and I hope you enjoy!


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait! I got some feedback on my last chapter about how long it would take someone to actually become an office in the Marine Corps, so I decided to make a few edits and adjust my timeline which took me a while to figure out. But anyway, now I have, so I hope you enjoy the chapter!

To no one's surprise, Clarke was the first one to get a response from all of the schools she applied to. To even less surprise, she got accepted to all four of them, with good financial packages for each. Of the group, Anya was the next to receive word, and she too got accepted to each of the three schools she had applied to. Octavia heard next, getting denied from the first, but accepted to her other two, one of which was one of the schools Clarke also had gotten accepted to, which just so happened to have a great pre-med program, along with a well-known pysch program, which happened to be the major Octavia had decided she wanted to pursue. Monty and Jasper both got acceptance letters to the one school they had applied to (together, because apparently splitting them up just wasn't even an option). Wells applied to seven schools (“It's important to cover all of my bases,” he had replied when Clarke teased him for having a back-up to his back-up school), getting accepted to all of his as well (“I hang out with too many nerds,” Octavia had grumbled, when hearing about all of the acceptances her friends had all gotten. Raven had slung her arm over her fellow brunette's shoulder, telling her, “Yeah, but we're _your_ nerds”). Lexa was the last one to get a response from both of the schools she had applied to, and only she was surprised find she'd been accepted to both of them (“But they both are top schools,” she had argued, when her friends rolled their eyes at her surprise. “And, you're like, a top student,” Raven had informed her, and Clarke had just given her that smile that told her how proud of her she was, so Lexa had let the matter drop even as she re-read the letter in her hands).  
  
It was early March by the time all of the letters had come in, and once that happened, it seemed as though the end of the year approached with more and more speed. Lexa could have sworn that one day she was opening her first acceptance letter, and the next she was studying for her finals. Along with finals came prom, and the night suddenly sprung up on her, as if out of nowhere. Just like the year before, she picked Clarke up an hour and a half before the dance was to start and took her to a fancy dinner. Sitting across the table from her at their favorite Italian restaurant, Lexa wished everything could just freeze so that she could spend the rest of her life staring into Clarke's blue eyes shining in the candlelight. All too soon the check came however, and the two left the restaurant, heading to Octavia's house for pre-prom pictures. They had done the same thing the year before, but this year it felt more important, more special to both girls. Standing in front of the camera together with Raven behind it telling them to smile, dammit, it's almost time to party!, they held each other a little tighter, feeling their time together coming to an end. Once at the prom, they held tightly to each other while they danced, sat close together at the table when they needed a break, and even just grasped the other's hand as they walked, fingers pressed together in almost a vice-like grip. As the evening drew to an end, Lexa could see the same fear she felt in the pit of her stomach shining in Clarke's eyes. The fear was easy enough to recognize: the fear of change, of knowing that the end quickly approached. The fear of knowing that soon when they wanted to reach out for the other, that hand wouldn't be there to hold. They did their best to ignore it, neither mentioning it ever, but they knew that they both felt it, rising like bile in the back of their throats. Rather then cry or worry, they forced their smiles bigger, forced their laughter to be longer, and just squeezed the other person's hand tighter.  
  
Finals came and went with only a few breakdowns (Octavia flinging a math book across the room, claiming if she had to look at one more imaginary number her eyes would actually start bleeding. “How the hell do you even _have_ imaginary numbers?!” she had growled, “Numbers are fucking numbers! Trying to call them imaginary is going too freaking far!”), and as they each handed in the last test of their high school career, they all took a collective breath of relief, but then it was as if that breath got stuck in their lungs, because it was suddenly graduation day, and none of them could really remember how to breathe as they stood in their caps and gowns, a nervous energy buzzing through each of them (“What if I fall as I'm walking?,” Octavia muttered for the fourth time, absentmindedly flicking at the tassel hanging from her hat, “Or what if I walk too fast and throw everything off?” Anya, standing beside her and annoyed, growled, “ _Enough_ , already.” Raven, standing on Anya's other side, glared at the girl before turning her attention back to Octavia, smiling at her and telling her, “Ah, no sweat O, you got this,”). They marched with no major problems however, and after the two-hour ceremony which included a speech by both Clarke, the valedictorian, and Lexa, the salutatorian (during Lexa's speech, Jasper leaned over to Monty, who he had some how managed to sit next to, alphabetical order be damned, and whispered, “They have to be the hottest nerd couple ever. Their children are gonna be geniuses, seriously,” to which Monty nodded in agreement), they all emerged as high school graduates. As a group, they took countless pictures together in front of the school, pulling Bellamy and Lincoln, both who had of course come to see their friends graduate, into the pictures with them.  
  
And then it was summertime, and if their parents thought they had been spending a lot of time together before, it was nothing compared to the amount of time Clarke and Lexa were together that summer. They were barely out of each other's sight for a moment, now basically living at each other's house. Their parents knew why it was they spent so much time together, but all chose not to say anything about it, instead giving them the summer to cling to each other. And cling they did. Not only were they always together, they seemed to always be touching each other as well. Holding hands as they walked, pressing up against each other when they sat, even if there was plenty of space for them to spread out. More than once Lexa's father or Clarke's parents caught them heatedly making out, jumping apart at the intrusion and looking away sheepishly, but they all knew that as soon as they walked away, the two girls would be at it again. Maybe it was bad parenting, but none of them seemed to care all that much, understanding how the two girls felt as the summer flew by.  
  
Once again, Clarke and Lexa chose to go to Camp Ark as counselors, this time for what they knew would be the last time. Once there, they laughed and joked with the friends they had made throughout their time there, but deep inside they both felt a deep, almost stinging ache. For Lexa, the ache was not only about leaving Clarke soon, but also about leaving this place. She knew it was unlikely that she would be returning to the camp during the summers while she was at college, and then that is was thoroughly likely after that she would never get the chance to come back at all once she graduated. The idea of never returning to this place, the place that had brought her to Clarke, had started what was undoubtedly the most important and happiest part of her life, caused so deep an ache that it physically hurt her to think about.  
  
For Clarke, it was the same but different. She ached also, but her ache was caused almost completely by fear. The fear of never being at Camp Ark again. The fear of never sitting on Their Rock with Lexa again. The fear of never seeing Lexa joking around with a camper again, or cooking a s'mores again, or hearing her sing the silly camp songs that the campers all loved. The fear of not being able to look into those green eyes whenever she wanted, of not being able to reach out and hold that hand that she knew better than her own. The fear of not seeing that small curl of lips that was Lexa's smile specifically designed for her. The simple, deep, paralyzing fear of not ever seeing _Lexa_ again. Just the thought would cause Clarke to start nearly panicking, so she didn't let herself think it. Whenever her mind started to wander in that direction, she slammed an iron door on the thoughts, mentally throwing away the key. But those thoughts were slippery, ever-morphing, and always seemed to find a way around that door, and Clarke's heart would once again start to race and she'd have to hold a little harder onto the hand in her own, to remind herself not yet. Not yet: Lexa's still here. She hasn't left. She's still right there, still within view, still close enough to touch, to kiss, to love. She hasn't left. _Not yet._  
  
And then camp ended, and Clarke found herself staring at the calender in her kitchen. Three weeks. Three weeks until Lexa had to leave. Just three weeks. And then two and a half weeks. And then two. The time slipped away like water in a siv, and Clarke wanted to catch it, to hold it in her hands and refuse to let go, but time didn't work like that and it never had, so all she could do was hold Lexa tighter. She wanted to close her eyes, to squeeze them shut so that she could pretend the time wasn't going by, but then she would miss the rest of her time with the girl she loved so much, so she refused to close her eyes even for a moment, so afraid of missing anything. Instead she studied Lexa's face, a face she had memorized over a year ago, but now she felt as though she was seeing it for the first time. Had Lexa's nose always been so straight? (Yes.) Had her eyelashes always been so long? (Yes.) Had she always looked at Clarke as though the blonde hung the moon, stars, and galaxy itself? (Oh god, yes. Always.) The details. Those are what Clarke wanted to remember. Every single detail that made this beautiful girl the goddess that Clarke knew she was. If she could remember the details, then she would be okay. She could make it, could survive not seeing the brunette every day. As long as she could remember the sweep of her curls, the arch of her eyebrows, then she would be able to survive between school breaks. Those details would get her through until the next time when she could study them again.  
  
As she sat, pressed up against Lexa's side, she continued to study the details. The way Lexa held her cup, bringing it up to her lips and taking small sips rather than large gulps. The way the firelight flickered across her skin, causing her tan to turn her into a bronze statue of power and strength. The way Lexa's thumb brushed softly across the back of Clarke's hand, as if to assure the both of them that they were still together. Clarke sighed at the touch, and then used her free hand to bring her own cup to her lips and took a long swig, the whiskey in her drink stinging the back of her throat with its welcome burn.  
  
Three days. That's all they had left. Three days, and Lexa would be leaving, and then another two days after that and Clarke would be leaving as well. It wouldn't be so bad, Clarke knew, if the schools they were leaving to were closer together. Like, _a lot_ closer together, but while the school Clarke had chosen to go to was just under two hours away, Lexa would be flying almost all the way across the country to get to her school. They were going to be in a different time zone: that was how far apart they were going to be. Sure, it wouldn't be a hugely different time-zone, but it would never be the same time for her that it was for Lexa, and just that little detail terrified the blonde. Lexa was moving so far away that she had to _fly_ to get there (a fact that Lexa was really not looking forward to. She had never been in a plane before, but it was her personal opinion that humans had absolutely no business being in the air, and that if they were meant to fly, they would have developed wings along the way rather than arms and legs).  
  
So, as a final sort of hurrah before she left, the group had decided to have a little party, just them. It might not even have been very accurate to call the get-together a party, as the group had chosen to just hang out in the Blakes' backyard where they had built a small fire pit a few years earlier and drink (Octavia and Bellamy's mother was gone for the night, and their neighbors pretty much left them alone, so they had no fear of getting caught), but they all wanted to be a little more festive, so they had decided to call it a party. Really it was just a chance to all hang out before Lexa left, knowing that once she did, everything would change.  
  
And it was the thought of that change that caused Clarke to once again bring her cup to her lips, taking another gulp of her whiskey concoction and closing her eyes at the burn of the liquid. Another brush of the thumb against the back of her hand caused her to open her eyes again, and she looked over to find Lexa looking at her, a small smile on her lips that was meant to reassure her. As impossible as the reassurance was, Clarke appreciated the gesture and returned the smile before leaning over and resting her head on Lexa's shoulder. She felt Lexa's cheek rest against the top of her head, and she let out a little sigh. If only this moment could last forever.  
  
Raven, sitting across the fire from them, let out a loud sigh and leaned back in her chair, her cup tipped to the side enough for Lexa to know that there wasn't much drink left in it.  
  
“God it's beautiful out tonight,” she exclaimed, tilting her head back and looking up at the stars that littered the sky, unobstructed by even a single cloud.  
  
The entire group looked up and murmured their agreement, everyone seeming to get lost in the vastness of it all.  
  
“It's weird to think that no matter what's going on down here, it has no effect on what's going on up there,” Octavia murmured. The end of the summer had effected her much as it had Clarke and Lexa, and the changes that were quickly approaching had caused her to be much more contemplative than normal.  
  
“Yeah,” Bellamy agreed, a slight grin spreading across his lips as he too stared up at the stars, “It's like, no matter what craziness is going on down here, the stars are just always there, not caring, not changing. They're just there, and will always be there no matter what's going on in our crazy lives.”  
  
Raven snorted into her cup, putting it down as she looked at the siblings and said, “Wow, you two could almost be poets. The two Blake siblings, poets extraordinaire. Maybe you should both rethink your majors and become creative writing majors like Anya.”  
  
“Sounds more like philosophy to me,” Anya argued from her seat on the other side of Lexa, slowly swishing the contents of her drink around in her cup. “Creative writing takes words and puts them together to tell a story. What they're doing is more like trying to explain the universe and how it works. Much more of a philosophical thing.”  
  
“You ever wonder what it would be like to live up there?” Octavia asked, her gaze still trained on all of the stars above them.  
  
Clarke felt Lexa's head shift slightly to look up at the sky before she replied, “I'll pass, thank you. I like my feet right here on Earth.”  
  
“It wouldn't be logical to live up there anyway,” Wells put in, his own eyes trained upwards. “There's no oxygen up there. Even if we were able to build some sort of station to live on that had enough oxygen, all supplies would be severely limited. If we had no way to stock up once we ran out, even with air we'd die. You can't exactly raise livestock in space, or grow many plants. You'd run out of everything, eventually.”  
  
“A place where you could run out of booze?” Jasper muttered before taking a long gulp of his drink. Smacking his lips after swallowing, he shook his head, a large grin on his face as he declared, “Nope, no thanks, I'll stay right here where I always know where to get more!”  
  
A few people chuckled at his antics, everyone returning their attention back to the circle even as Octavia, who still looked up at the stars murmured, “Sure would be beautiful, though. I can only imagine what everything looks like from up there.”  
  
Clarke picked her head up from Lexa's shoulder, and dropped it to her other side, laying it on Octavia's, who looked down at her. The blonde smiled up at her best friend before agreeing, “Yeah O, it sure would be beautiful. But I'll stay right here too. It'd be lonely in space, unless you all were there too.”  
  
Octavia grinned down at the blonde and nodded, saying, “Yeah, you're right. Hell, I'm just glad we're going to the same college. Forget space!”  
  
Clarke laughed, picking her head back up.  
  
“Yeah, me too,” she agreed, and then grinned at her. “It'll be a hell of a lot easier to make sure you're actually going to your classes when we're actually rooming together.” Octavia just groaned as she rolled her eyes. Living with Clarke was going to have its many perks (you know, like just the fact that she was going to be living with her best friend), but it was also going to have its downfalls. She was pretty sure having the blonde right there to bully her into going to classes was one of them.  
  
“Okay, how much will I have to pay you to let me skip sometimes?” she asked the blonde who just smirked as she raised her eyebrows. Octavia groaned while everyone else laughed. “I figured as much,” she muttered before taking a sip of her drink.  
  
“You two better be ready for me to visit all the time,” Raven warned them, grinning at them from across the fire, “Cause I plan to basically live there when I'm not working.”  
  
“Oh yeah, and whose bed do you plan on crashing in?” Clarke asked, raising one eyebrow at the mechanic.  
  
Raven just grinned back, telling her, “Well I had planned on staying in yours or Octavia's, but if you really don't want me to, I'm sure I can convince some nice frat guy to lend me his bed for a few nights. Doubt it'll take that much convincing.” She winked, and then wiggled her eyebrows, making them all either laugh or roll their eyes at her.  
  
Clarke did a combination of both, rolling her eyes but not trying to hide her smile. As the laughter died down, she said, “To save the frat boys everywhere from getting their hearts broken, you can stay in my bed. Lincoln'll probably be sharing O's most of the time anyway.”  
  
Lincoln just smiled and nodded, wrapping an arm around Octavia's shoulder and pulling her closer to him. His school was just over an hour away from theirs, so they both fully expected him to be around all the time.  
  
“Except for the weekends when I'm visiting him,” Octavia added, returning her attention back to Raven, but snuggling closer into Lincoln's side, “Then you can just stay in my bed.” Then she had a thought, sat up straight and glared at the other brunette, telling her, “But no having sex in my bed! If you meet a frat boy, you better go back to his bed, not mine!”  
  
Raven just smirked, replying, “Hey, no promises. If it's free, it's free. The frat guy might have a roommate, and I can always kick Clarke out.”  
  
Said blonde just raised her eyebrows, before saying, “You plan to kick me out of my own dorm room when you don't even actually live there? Yeah, that's not going to happen. Especially cause if I leave, then my bed will be open for attack, and there's no way I'm letting you have sex in my bed. Not gonna happen.”  
  
Raven just shrugged, sitting back in her chair, telling her, “Fine, Octavia's it is then,” and then taking a drink even as Octavia exclaimed in indignation.  
  
Lexa looked around the fire, studying all the people laughing around her. It hit her hard, just then, their laughter and teasing eating away at her. She had always known how much she was going to miss Clarke, but in thinking about the blonde, she hadn't realized how much she would miss her other friends as well. Anya, she had known she would miss, and Lincoln, since they were her two oldest friends, but during her time with Clarke, these others had become equally as important to her. Raven's easy, teasing nature, while sometimes had gotten under her skin, had also become what often got her out of her serious moods when trying a little too hard at something. Octavia's easy smile and fierce determination nearly matched Clarke's, it was just different things that caused that determination to peak. Bellamy was often quiet, but determined and fiercely protective of the people he cared about, and Lexa had come to admire that about him, knowing that it was a trait that they shared. Wells and her had spent many hours playing chess, and was someone who she actually enjoyed having intelligent conversations with. And Monty and Jasper, while often foolish, silly, and seldom serious, actually managed to make her laugh sometimes, and really were just sweethearts, a term Lexa did not often (ever) use. They had all become important to her, and it was only now, in what was possibly the final time they would all be together, that she truly realized that.  
  
Apparently Lexa's sentiments were shared, as Monty sighed, and said quietly, “I'm gonna miss this.” They all turned to him, the mood becoming more somber as someone finally spoke the words they were all thinking. He looked at them all, his eyes resting on Lexa when he finally got to her, and then added, “I'm gonna miss you guys. I mean, I'm excited for college, but nobody's gonna be you guys, you know?”  
  
For just a moment, they all remained silent, but then Wells agreed, saying, “Yeah, I know. I never expected to have friends like you guys, and now... I doubt I'll be a part of a group like this again. You guys... You mean a lot to me.”  
  
“Yeah, me too,” Jasper added quietly before looking up from his cup. He looked around the circle, and said, “I mean, me n' Monty, we've always been friends, but I never really woulda thought you guys would look at us twice. We're not exactly 'cool' like you're supposed to be in high school, so the fact that you guys, who definitely are cool, would want to hangout with us...” He shrugged and looked back into his cup, not really comfortable with the sentiments, “It's just... pretty cool, I guess. Means a lot.”  
  
Octavia got up from her chair and walked over to Jasper and Monty, stopping behind them and wrapping her arms around their shoulders and giving them a big hug.  
  
“Well I for one am damn glad that you guys wanted to hang out with us,” she informed them softly, smiling sweetly. “You two goofballs are amazing, and are always making me laugh. Plus, you kick Bell's butt at video games, and you know how much I love anyone who can take him down a few pegs.” She winked at them when they laughed and Bellamy rolled his eyes.  
  
“I win sometimes,” he mumbled, his arms crossed in front of him, but then he loosened up a bit and grinned over at them, telling them, “But yeah, I'm glad you guys wanted to hang out with us too. All of you,” he added, nodding to Wells, who nodded back, “You guys are awesome, and high school wouldn't have been the same without all of you there. Hell, my first year of college wouldn't have been the same without you guys. It'll be weird, not being able to come back here whenever I want and just hang out.”  
  
“Okay, c'mon,” Raven broke in, needing to lighten the mood, “It's not like we're all going our separate ways, and never gonna see each other again, or talk again. I mean, yeah, we won't all hang out as much, but it's not like we have to completely lose contact. You guys do know that there are these things called cell phones now, right?” She raised her eyebrows at them all. “And Facebook? And e-mail? Plus, there are breaks during the school year, you know that right? You'll all be back for Thanksgiving, and then winter break. We can hang out again then. This isn't good-bye, you losers.”  
  
“Yeah, but it won't be the same,” Clarke murmured, staring into the fire.  
  
“Not the same, no, but that isn't necessarily a bad thing, is it?” Octavia cut in, making her way back over to her seat. “I mean, Rae's right; it's not like we'll all be apart forever. We're friends, all of us, and going to different places now isn't going to change that. Sure, it's gonna be weird and hard at first, but we've got each other's backs, even from far away, right?”  
  
“Right,” Raven agreed, grinning at Octavia.  
  
“You two do know that not all friendships last past high school, right?” Anya asked, raising her eyebrows at them, ever the realist. “Most don't, in fact. When you don't see someone every day, it's easy to drift apart.”  
  
Raven glared at the other girl as the others frowned.  
  
“Jeeze, way to bring down the mood Anya,” she told her, “Your optimism is just incredible.”  
  
Anya simply met her glare, giving her a shrug.  
  
“It's true, whether you like it or not,” she replied, “There's no point in pretending otherwise.”  
  
“Yeah, well there's no reason to act like we can't still be friends either,” Raven argued back, her fingers tightening around her cup.  
  
As Anya bit back at the other girl, Lexa only half listened, looking around the circle. Bellamy looked ready to jump in to try to end the argument, ever the big brother trying to keep peace. Lincoln rolled his eyes at his sister even as his grip around Octavia's shoulder's tightened, trying to reassure the sad looking girl as Anya's words effected her. Across the fire, Jasper and Monty shook their heads, small smiles on their lips, used to Raven and Anya arguing about pretty much everything. Wells simply looked on politely, as he always did, the only hint of his discomfort in the way he shifted in his chair. He was a peace-keeper like Bellamy, but quieter about it, always uncomfortable whenever any argument broke out, no matter what it was about. And then Lexa looked at Clarke, who still sat leaned forward in her chair, her eyes still trained on the fire and her jaw clenched slightly. Lexa didn't think she was actually listening to the argument, but rather lost in her own unhappy thoughts. Even with the small scowl on her face, she looked beautiful. Lexa closed her eyes, etching every detail about the moment into her memory.  
  
“I'm going to miss you,” she murmured quietly, her sudden words loud enough to cut into the argument, ending it abruptly. She opened her eyes to find everyone looking at her, and she simply gave them a small smile. She saw the surprise on all of their faces: she was not known to talk about her feelings or to even really smile at anyone other than Clarke, but here she was doing both. She met each of their eyes as she looked around the circle, and the smile remained on her lips. “I just... I am really going to miss you. All of you. I just...” she trailed off, unable to find the words to truly express how she felt in that moment. She could feel the emotion building in her voice, the slight sting of tears pricking at the corner of her eyes, and for the first time in front of them all, she didn't fight them back. The tears didn't fall, but they were there, and she knew they could all see them building in her eyes, and knew that they all heard the emotion coloring her tone as she declared, “Am really, really going to miss you.”  
  
No one knew what to say, but Lexa saw the tears roll down Octavia's cheeks and a single one fall from Raven's eyes. She noticed both Bellamy and Wells nod, saw Jasper's jaw clench and Monty give her a small smile. She could see Lincoln and Anya's support for her in their eyes, the same silent support they had been giving her for years. And she saw Clarke. Clarke, whose lip was held tightly between her teeth to keep herself from crying. Meeting Clarke's eyes, the blonde gave her a small smile, which she returned, the lump in her throat growing.  
  
The group sat in silence, the crackling of the fire and noise of the night the only sounds breaking through their final moments together.  


***

  
Tomorrow morning. She was leaving tomorrow morning. They had less than twelve hours left together, and then she would be gone.  
  
The knowledge of the short amount of time they had left created an urgency that spurned Clarke on as she pushed Lexa back on her own bed and wrenched her shirt over her head. As soon as it was off, Clarke pushed herself forward, her fingers wrapping themselves in Lexa's long, loose hair as her lips attacked the brunette's. She felt Lexa moan into the kiss and it spurned Clarke on even more, her fingers freeing themselves from the curls and reaching down to the hem of Lexa's shirt and quickly pulling it over the other girl's head, disconnecting their lips just for that purpose. Before she could attack that mouth again, Lexa put a hand up, lightly pushing back against the blonde's shoulders, stopping her.  
  
“Clarke, wait,” she whispered, trying to catch her breath, the kiss having literally taken away her breath, “This isn't why I asked you to come over. I wish to talk to you about something.”  
  
Clarke growled, shaking her head.  
  
“I don't want to wait,” she replied, “We barely have any time left, and while I love your voice, I would rather hear it screaming my name.”  
  
Lexa looked up, meeting Clarke's eyes, and seeing the look in them, Clarke just sighed.  
  
“I need to talk to you about something,” Lexa informed her, “And I need to do so before we have sex. Otherwise I will feel like I used you, and you might too.”  
  
“Lexa, I _want_ you to use me,” Clarke muttered, but when the other girl gave her a look, she just sighed and then sat down beside her on the bed. “Sorry,” she told the other girl, “I just...”  
  
“I know,” Lexa replied, taking Clarke's hand, “I know. I feel the same way. But I have something I need to say, and it has to be now.”  
  
“Okay,” Clarke said, letting out a final small sigh, and then tried to smile at her. “What do you want to talk about?”  
  
Lexa licked her lips, clearly nervous, and that made Clarke nervous.  
  
“It isn't that I want to talk about this, Clarke,” she informed the blonde, “It's that I feel I must. What I have to say isn't going to make you happy. It doesn't make me happy, but it must be said.”  
  
Clarke closed her eyes, shaking her head, but just told her, “Whatever it is, please just say it Lexa.”  
  
Lexa took a deep breath, trying to control the race of her heart, and then said, “I think... I think we should break up.”  
  
Clarke did not look as shocked at her words as she had thought she might. Instead she just opened her eyes, clenched her jaw and informed her as calmly as possible, “No.”  
  
The brunette's eyebrows rose, the absolute refusal behind Clarke's tone surprising her.  
  
“But Clarke, it makes sense,” she began, but Clarke interrupted her.  
  
“No, Lexa, no,” she growled, standing up and taking a few steps away from the bed before she turned back to the brunette. “No, it's not going to happen. I don't _want_ it to happen.”  
  
Lexa looked at her sadly before she told her, “Clarke, I do not want it to happen either, but I think it should.” As Clarke shook her head, Lexa stood up, slowly making her way to the blonde. “I'm moving across the country, Clarke,” she said, as though Clarke could have possibly forgotten, “I'm moving, and I don't know when I'll be back. Even after I graduate, I won't be coming home.” When Clarke opened her mouth to argue, her eyes widening, Lexa continued quickly, “At least not for a few years. The simple, unhappy truth is that I do not know when I will be able to see you again. I don't like it, you don't like it, but that is the way it is. And... It's not fair to either of us to pretend otherwise. The idea of breaking up with you, of not being able to call you my girlfriend truly breaks my heart, but my heart breaks even more thinking of you missing out on all of the experiences you could have if you aren't waiting for me. It is not fair of me to ask you to wait.”  
  
“You aren't asking, I'm offering, Lexa,” Clarke interrupted, but Lexa just shook her head.  
  
“You may be offering, Clarke, but I can't accept that offer,” she insisted. “You deserve to live life fully, and if you spend years waiting for me, you won't be doing that. And if we tried, if we said, 'Okay, we can do it, we can date long distance,' how long would it be until we regretted it? How long before one or the both of us wants to break up, but feels bad saying so?”  
  
“You don't know that will happen,” the blonde told her.  
  
Lexa looked at her sadly, saying, “No, you're right, I don't know for sure that will happen, but it is very likely, and you know it.” When Clarke didn't say anything, Lexa added, “Think about everything Octavia went through this year with Lincoln away at college and them not being able to see each other. She was miserable, he was probably miserable, and they almost broke up countless times. They love each other, no one can deny that, and yet they almost couldn't make it a year. How do we expect to make it more than four?”  
  
“We aren't them, Lexa,” Clarke argued, but Lexa could hear her tone changing slightly, the fight beginning to leave her.  
  
“We aren't,” Lexa agreed, reaching out and gently brushing Clarke's cheek with the tips of her fingers. She felt Clarke push back against the touch, and Lexa's heart broke a little at the small motion. They had become like one person, their very souls merging together, and she was trying to end that. How could she live without this girl beside her? She didn't know, but she did know she was doing the right thing, even if it had already begun to cause her insides to burn in despair. “We are you and I. We are so in love that sometimes even I think it is impossible for that love to be any deeper.” The emotion had overtaken her tone, and Clarke looked at her, seeing the pain even in the small smile she was giving her. “But sometimes love just isn't enough, Clarke. Sometimes it takes more than love for two people to remain together. I will never stop loving you, Clarke Griffin, but that doesn't mean I think we can make it as a couple while we each pursue our own dreams.”  
  
“What if I told you that you are my dream?,” Clarke asked, her voice wet with the tears that threatened to fall from her eyes. Lexa just gave her a look, her own eyes watering as she let out a wet laugh, shaking her head. Clarke watched her, seeing all of the emotions running through the brunette, and suddenly the fight just drained out of her. She reached forward, pulling Lexa close and pressing her forehead against the other girl's. They both grabbed on to the other, eyes closing as they stood pressed against one another. Clarke licked her lips and then asked quietly, “Can we... Can we please just not talk about this right now? I know it's selfish, but I only have you for a few more hours, and I can't have that time filled with this, this... sadness. I just want to love you while I have you. Please.”  
  
Lexa knew that they needed to continue the conversation, knew they had to come to a decision, but at that point she had been as responsible as she could, and now just wanted to touch this girl she loved and be touched by her. She knew she should continue to act like an adult and do the thing that made most sense, was the most responsible thing to do, but for once she just wanted to act like the eighteen year-old she was and love this girl in front of her. So she did just that.  
  
She nodded and pushed forward, her lips engulfing Clarke's hungrily. Clarke returned the kiss with equal intensity, and pulled the two of them back over to the bed, once again guiding Lexa down to the mattress. The brunette's bra was removed and immediately Clarke's fingers found her nipples, running across them for what had to be the millionth time, but like always, the movement caused Lexa to moan lightly against Clarke's mouth. The blonde felt the other girl's hands slip behind her, and then her own bra fell from her body, and she felt Lexa's fingers twirling small circles against her own nipples, and she mirrored the brunette's earlier moan. They fell back on the bed, and it was only a matter of minutes before the rest of their clothes fell to the floor, their naked bodies entwining together.  
  
They both wanted to take it slow, to explore the other's body, mapping out every detail, but as they moved, their motions became more urgent. What would start as small, slow touches turned into quick, burning movements. Clarke's mouth fell to Lexa's breast, and while she meant to take her time to worship the flesh in her mouth, she found herself sucking on it roughly, her tongue pushing against it in hard, quick movements. Lexa's noises simply spurned her on, the thought of not hearing those noises again making her need to hear more, so it took no time for her fingers to enter the brunette, Lexa's cries increasing as those fingers began working inside her, her thumb rubbing quick circles against her clit. With the ferocity of Clarke's movements inside her and the urgency of the moment, it took no time for the feelings to build inside her, and Lexa could feel herself getting to that edge. Clarke heard it in the noises she made, and told her, “Look at me, Lexa. Open your eyes and look at me.”  
  
Lexa hadn't even been aware that her eyes had closed, but at the words she opened them and looked up at the blonde above her. Their eyes met immediately, and Lexa saw the intensity behind those blue eyes, and that intensity was enough to push her over the edge. She quaked beneath Clarke's gaze, the blonde's fingers not stopping their motions until Lexa had completely stilled. The blonde leaned back, but Lexa shook her head and wrapped her fingers around her shoulders. “No,” she whispered, and pulled Clarke down, taking no time before she was touching the blonde, making the blonde moan as her fingers quickly slipped inside her. Clarke's hips rocked against the hand against her, her lip between her teeth, but before she could close her eyes Lexa told her, “Now you look at me, Clarke. Look at me.” So she did. She rocked against the fingers inside her, moaned as a thumb rubbed against her clit just as her own had done to Lexa barely minutes before, and stared into green eyes that radiated up at her. Her breathing got heavier under that gaze, her moans louder as the fingers inside her quickened, and just as it hadn't taken Lexa long, she reached that edge at an alarming pace, suddenly shuddering against the body that still lay beneath her. As soon as her shuddering ended, Lexa removed her fingers from inside her, and she reached up and pulled the blonde's face to her own.  
  
The kiss was desperate. Desperate for more time, desperate for another touch, for more words to be said. Desperate to go back to the first, back to when they had all the time in the world to just hold each other gently, rather than cling together fearfully. Desperate for the happy days when they didn't have to worry, when they believed they would be together forever. Desperate for the days when they didn't need to think about the future, for when the moment was all that mattered to either of them.  
  
Clarke felt water against her skin, and she pulled away, finding the tears running down Lexa's cheeks.  
  
“No,” she growled, and wiped away the tears before kissing her cheeks. “No, no tears. No tears tonight. Tonight we have forever. Tonight there's no reason to be sad. Tonight we're here, together, and that's all that matters. Okay?”  
  
Lexa couldn't help another tear fall as Clarke's words registered, but Clarke's thumb was there to wipe it away immediately. She closed her eyes to compose herself, but then opened them and smiled up at Clarke, and if there was any hint of sadness in the smile, they both ignored it. (There was. Oh, there was so much sadness.) She nodded, saying, “Okay. No tears. Nothing to worry about. It's just you and me, and we have all the time in the world. Okay.”  
  
Clarke nodded and leaned back down, once again kissing her love hungrily.  
  
And for the rest of the night, there were no tears. No tears as they continued to touch each other, mapping out the other's body as if it weren't already ingrained in their minds. No tears as they whispered words of forever against each other's skin. No tears as the failed to fall asleep in each other's arms, the truth of the world breaking back into the room as they held each other tightly, both silently begging time to just stop moving so they could stay together forever.  


***

  
“You're gonna text us, right?” Octavia asked, her eyes worried as though Lexa was going to forget all about her the moment she was out of her sight.  
  
Lexa smiled at her slightly, nodded, and told her, “Yes Octavia, I will text you. I will not just disappear.”  
  
Octavia let out a relieved sigh, and then stepped forward and wrapped her arms tightly around the taller girl, taking Lexa slightly by surprise. After a moment, however, she returned the hug, touched by the gesture. Finally Octavia stepped back, returning to Lincoln's outstretched arm that then wrapped around her waist.  
  
“Good, cause if you tried to disappear we'd find you and kick your ass for ditching us,” Raven informed her, giving her a grin, even as Lexa shook her head, the small smile on her face still there.  
  
“Hmph,” Anya muttered beside her, causing the mechanic to turn and glare at her.  
  
“What, you think I'm lying or something?” she growled, her hands curling into fists.  
  
“I think it's hilarious to think you could take Lexa,” the taller girl replied, her eyebrows raised, and Raven growled at her.  
  
“Hey, enough guys, knock it off,” Lincoln told them, “No bloodshed while we're seeing Lexa off.”  
  
“Alright, then after I'm gonna kick _her_ ass,” Raven grumbled, causing Anya to raise her eyebrows at her.  
  
“And you think you can take me? Who do you think taught Lexa?” she replied, causing Raven to grumble something unintelligible.  
  
“Seriously you two, knock it off,” Octavia told them, and Raven at least looked slightly sheepish. Turning back to Lexa, Octavia said to her, “Good luck, Lexa. Stay safe, okay? And don't worry.” Her eyes moved quickly over to where Clarke stood a couple yards away, out of hearing range, and then back. “We'll take care of her while you're gone. Just... Stay safe, and when you can, come back. Okay?”  
  
Lexa wasn't entirely sure she could promise that, but she didn't want to worry the already obviously very concerned girl, so she just nodded, saying, “I will, Octavia. Thank you.”  
  
“Yeah, we'll keep your girl happy while you're away,” Raven added, and then glared at Octavia when she laughed at her. “Okay, not _that_ way. I'll let Lexa be the one to do that. Although our blonde is a pretty sexy lady, and I bet she's a beast in bed-”  
  
“Alright, thank you Raven,” Lexa interrupted, really not needing to hear anymore, “I appreciate it.”  
  
Raven waved a hand nonchalantly, replying, “Yeah yeah, I know, I'm awesome.” She turned more serious, and then added, “But really, be careful Lexa, okay? You have to come home to all of us at some point. You're part of this weird, wacky family, whether you like it or not.”  
  
Lexa nodded, telling her truthfully, “I will do my best. And I like this family. I look forward to returning to it.”  
  
Raven grinned, shot a look at Anya as if to say, “See? _She_ likes us!,” which just caused the other girl to roll her eyes. Once finished, Anya turned back to Lexa and held out her arm. Lexa took it, fingers wrapping around her forearm as Anya's did the same with hers. They didn't say anything, just looked at each other, and after a moment, Anya nodded, and then pulled away, the look saying everything that needed to be said. Raven rolled her eyes at the whole thing, but didn't comment on it. Finally Lexa turned to Lincoln and held out her arm to him, but he stepped forward and wrapped his arms around her, crushing her in a tight hug, surprising her just as much as Octavia's hug had. He felt her arms wrapping around him in return, and then he whispered, “Stay safe, Lexa. Good luck.”  
  
“Thank you,” she whispered back, and then he stepped back, nodded, and returned to Octavia.  
  
Once all of those good-byes were said, Lexa walked over to where Jake and Abby were standing to see her off. She was only slightly surprised to see them, since she had basically been living part-time at their house over the past couple years. Reaching them, Abby dragged her in for a hug, and Jake patted her on the shoulder.  
  
“Be careful, Lexa,” they told her, and, “You're going to be terrific.”  
  
She nodded, thanked them, and then moved down the line. Her father was next, and she felt the lump in her throat burn. His eyes were already wet, and the thought of her father crying was enough to throw her over that edge. She wrapped her arms around him tightly as the tears sprung from her eyes, and she buried her head into his shoulder.  
  
“Bye Dad,” she whispered against him, and she knew her tears were made obvious with the break in her voice.  
  
“Good-bye Lexa,” he replied, his arms wrapped around her tightly, holding her to him as his face fell against the top of her head, “I love you, so much.”  
  
Lexa pulled back slightly and looked up at him as she told him, “I love you too.”  
  
He just nodded, pressed his lips to her forehead and whispered, “Be strong,” before he pulled back. She nodded in reply, her back straightening a little further.  
  
And then she turned, and the only person she hadn't said good-bye to was Clarke. Clarke, who was trying so hard to hide the pain, fear and sorrow from her eyes, but failing greatly. Lexa took the few steps towards her, tried to smile and asked, “No tears still?”  
  
Clarke let out a wet laugh, closed her eyes and shook her head. Opening her eyes again, Lexa saw a few tears fall from the corners of them even as she replied, “I can't stop them today.”  
  
Lexa felt her own tears fall, and she informed the blonde, “Neither can I.”  
  
And then they had their arms wrapped around each other, and clung to one another, their faces buried against the other's shoulder.  
  
“I really hate this, you know,” Clarke murmured, the joking tone she had tried to add to the words not quite making it, but Lexa appreciated the attempt.  
  
“I really hate this too,” the brunette admitted, clinging to Clarke with an even fiercer urgency.  
  
Clarke picked up her head, but otherwise didn't let go of the girl in her arms. Lexa mirrored the movement and they brought their foreheads together. They didn't kiss, not yet. The kiss meant it was time, meant that the final moment had come, and neither was ready to admit that yet.  
  
After a moment, the blonde let out a loud sigh. Lexa frowned down at her, wondering at the look on her face, but then Clarke finally said, “Fine. I understand. I don't like it, but I understand. We can... We can break up.” She made a face at the words, hating them even as they left her tongue. Lexa looked sad but determined, nodding in confirmation. “But,” Clarke added, causing Lexa to tilt her head slightly, “When you come home for good-”  
  
“Clarke,” Lexa began, wanting to be honest and tell her that there was a very real possibility that might not happen. Her mother was proof of that, but Clarke didn't let her speak.  
  
“No, _when_ you come back Lexa,” Clarke continued, her jaw set stubbornly, “You had better be ready to ask me to marry you. Got it?”  
  
Lexa looked down at her in surprise. Of all the scenarios she had played out in her mind with this good-bye, those words had never been part of it.  
  
“But Clarke, that will be years from now, if it happens,” she insisted, “You could easily have found someone else by then. A lot happens in years, Clarke. What makes you think you'll want to marry me by then?”  
  
“I told you last night, Lexa,” Clarke informed her, “You are my dream. I may have been joking, but it's true. So when you come back from the Marines, and you _will_ come back, understand me? When you come back, you had better be ready to marry me, cause I promise you, I will be ready to marry you. We might be about to break up, but that doesn't mean I'm ever going to stop loving you, or that I will ever belong with anyone else. Got it?”  
  
“I... I...,” Lexa began, but honestly, she had absolutely no words, so finally she just swallowed whatever argument she might try to use, and simply nodded. “Okay,” she finally said, surprising herself as the word fell from her lips. Clarke merely nodded in return, clearly allowing nothing less than complete agreement in this matter.  
  
“Final boarding for flight 312.”  
  
Both girls stiffened as the voice over the intercom echoed around them. The moment had come. Lexa had to go. She needed to let go of the girl she loved, and Clarke had to let her go. Before either of them could though, they needed that last kiss.  
  
And so they took it. Their lips pressed together, and desperation, hunger, sorrow, fear, and every other emotion possible swirled through them. They held each other, trying so desperately to get lost in the kiss, in the moment, but neither could ignore the fact that this was it. This was the final moment. Despite all of the words, all of the promises made, neither knew when they would see each other again, and in a moment, the only thing either would know for sure was that they were going in separate directions.  
  
“Final boarding for flight 312.”  
  
Trembling, her jaw clenched tightly, Lexa stepped back.  
  
“I love you, Clarke,” she whispered, because that was all that was left to say.  
  
“I love you, Lexa,” Clarke replied, because that was all she knew.  
  
With that, Lexa nodded and turned, grabbed her bag and then walked away, her ticket out and ready to hand to the stewardess who stood at the desk of the terminal. She didn't look back as the woman took her ticket and looked at it. Didn't look back as the woman smiled at her and gestured behind her, welcoming her to the next step of her life. She didn't look back as she stepped through that tunnel, because looking back meant going back, and now was the time for her to go forward, even if she was leaving her heart behind her.  



	14. Chapter 14

  
_Freshmen Year_ : Year One

During the two days from when she saw Lexa off to when they finally moved into their dorm room, Octavia was too busy to see her best friend, and she knew Clarke was too busy to see her. Those two days were spent packing, going out and buying last minute necessities (nearly forgetting she was almost out of toothpaste would not have been the right way for the brunette to start her college life), re-packing, spending time with her mother and brother, packing some more, texts to Clarke to make sure they were all set ( _ **U've got the tv, yeah?**_ And then having to wait for the reply, _**Yes O, I have the tv. You have the microwave.**_ ) and then the final round of packing. So during those days, other than the few texts, the brunette had no time to hang out with her best friend, nor did she know she really needed to make the time. As far as she knew, other than her girlfriend moving away, Clarke was okay.  
  
Once they finally got to college however, it took Octavia exactly two hours and twenty-seven minutes to realize that the normally happy blonde was most certainly not okay. If she hadn't of been busy moving her stuff into her dorm room (which suddenly seemed very small and made her realize just how much stuff she really had), she would have realized it sooner. Believing it was just the fact that Lexa was so far away and Clarke missed her, Octavia let it be, rather than saying anything about it. It wasn't until she was laying in bed that night trying to fall asleep that she realized Clarke's cell phone had been mysteriously quiet all day. She knew the blonde had been busy moving her own stuff in, but the fact that Octavia hadn't seen her take it out even once to text her girlfriend, or had even mentioned her, for that matter, told Octavia that something was very, very wrong. As she listened to Clarke moving in her sleep, Octavia made a note to watch the blonde closely to find out what was going on.  
  
What she saw over the next few days worried her. Or, rather, it would have been more accurate to say what she _didn't_ see worried her. She didn't see Clarke text Lexa once. A couple of times when she saw Clarke texting, she would sneak a peak at her phone (which, yes, she knew was rude and an invasion of privacy, but hey, this was Clarke, and she was investigating, so she figured it was a pretty good reason to do it) and only ever saw her texting Raven, her mother, and Wells, once. That was it.  
  
More than the fact that Clarke never seemed to text the other girl, Octavia noticed she never brought her up in conversation either, never even spoke her name. Once, as though on a whim, Octavia had tried to bring the other girl up, asking the blonde how she was liking her school, and Clarke had just shrugged, avoiding the topic by talking about one of the classes she was taking. To Octavia, that was a huge red-flag right there, and she became even more worried than she had been, which meant she was pretty close to freaking out. And since Clarke clearly wasn't going to tell her anything, she turned to the next best person to freak out to.  
  
“You've got to find out what's going on, O,” Raven told her, her voice clear through Octavia's cell phone.  
  
Said girl merely groaned and flopped back on her bed, the phone never leaving her ear.  
  
“But she doesn't want to talk about it,” Octavia informed the other girl, “Any time I bring Lexa up, she changes the subject. She hasn't mentioned her even once since we've got here, and I mean, I know she's upset that she left, but there's got to be more to this, and she just won't talk about it!”  
  
“You gotta make her talk about it, kid,” Raven replied, and Octavia made a face at the nickname, “Like it or not, our girl is upset about something, and it's our job as the best friends to find out what, and since I'm not there the responsibility falls on you. Be tough, Blake!”  
  
Octavia just groaned again, telling her, “I don't wanna be tough. Why can't she just talk about whatever it is? Or why don't we just let her come to us, instead of us going to her?”  
  
She could easily picture Raven's expression, raised eyebrows and all, as she told her drily, “O, this is Clarke we're talking about. I love that girl, but you know she never just tells us things. Not the hard stuff, at least. The only way we're gonna find out what happened is if you rip the truth out from her. I have faith in you.”  
  
“I'm glad one of us does, then,” Octavia mumbled, and she heard Raven laugh on the other end of the line.  
  
Nearly a full week passed before Octavia got the courage to sit Clarke down and refuse to let her get up until she told her what was going on. At first Clarke refused to say anything, sitting stubbornly as Octavia tried to wheedle the information out from her, but finally it was as though the dam broke, and a trickle of words turned into a flash flood, and Octavia was sitting on Clarke's bed, holding the blonde as she cried in her arms, the angry tears causing the shoulder of Octavia's shirt to turn very damp. Hearing about how Lexa had broken up with Clarke just before she left broke the brunette's heart, even if she did understand why the other girl had done it, and hearing Clarke's sobs only made her heart break further even as she tried to rub comforting circles on the blonde's back. She really didn't know what to say, so she decided just to hold the other girl, hoping that just being there for her was enough. (She knew it wasn't, but also knew that there was nothing she could do to make the situation any better, so settled for just being the supportive best friend.)  
  
After that initial breakdown, the brunette noticed that it was almost as though the blonde refused to let her sorrow show again. Octavia watched as Clarke threw herself into her classes, spending all of her free time on her studying, either in their room or in the library. She had always cared about her schoolwork, Octavia knew, but now the work had become more than that: it had become a distraction, as though she needed the books and never-ending stream of essays to keep her from thinking about the girl who had left and taken Clarke's heart with her. It got to the point where Octavia would have to poke and pry and cajole the blonde into even just putting the books aside to watch a movie with her. It was a little easier whenever Raven visited, which was often, just as she had said it would be, because Clarke had a hard time arguing with both of them, but even then the Clarke who sat between them in Octavia's bed was not the same blonde they had gone to high school with. Octavia and Raven would trade worried glances over her head, and if the blonde noticed, she never said anything. The two girls wanted to help their friend, but what else could they do if Clarke refused to be helped?  
  
It was mid-October by the time they actually managed to convince Clarke to go to a party that someone in Octavia's math class was throwing. The brunette had been invited, and told to bring whoever she wanted to, there would be plenty of beer for everyone, and when she mentioned it to Raven, who was of course visiting for the weekend, the other brunette had turned to Clarke and simply said, “We're going.” After some (a lot) of arguing back and forth between the two, Clarke found herself sitting on her bed while Octavia did her make-up for her, and Raven rifled through her closet, picking out what she said would be, “A hell of a hot outfit.”  
  
“I still don't see why I need to go to this party,” Clarke said for probably the fifth time, but managed to remain still so that Octavia didn't poke her eye as she drew on her eyeliner.  
  
Raven merely rolled her eyes as she grabbed a teal shirt from Clarke's closet along with a pair of blue skinny jeans. Turning towards the other two girls and throwing the outfit on the bed, she informed the blonde, “You need to go to this party because you need to get out and have some fun. You've spent weeks holed up in this room just studying. Now it's time to go out and meet some people. Have a couple of drinks. Relax a little.”  
  
“I am relaxed,” Clarke shot at her, her tone telling them all just how unrelaxed she really was.  
  
Octavia raised her eyebrows at the blonde, stepping back as she finished with the eyeliner. She had kept it all simple, just a little eyeliner, mascara and bit of lip gloss, but even so it was more make-up than the blonde had worn in weeks. Eyeing her work, she informed the blonde, “You aren't relaxed at all, Clarke. When was the last time you've actually had some fun?”  
  
Clarke just glared at her, telling her, “I don't exactly want to have fun, O.”  
  
Raven flopped down on the bed next to her, giving her a friendly bump with her shoulder.  
  
“Look Clarke, I get it,” she informed her, “You're hurt. You miss Lexa, and you hate that you miss her because she hurt you so much.” Clarke nearly flinched at the name, but stopped herself, instead just clenching her jaw and looking straight ahead, even as Octavia sat on her other side. Raven ignored the response, just continuing on. “I really do get it. I felt the exact same way when Finn and I broke up. I hated him, but I still loved him, and I hated myself and him because of that. I didn't want to be happy because it was too much work. Being miserable was just easier, so that's what I wanted. But being miserable sucks. And I know this isn't really what you want to hear, but you are gonna get over her.” Clarke simply gave her a look that told her how much she didn't believe that, and Raven shook her head, smiling slightly. “I'm not saying it's gonna happen tonight, or even anytime soon, and I'm not saying it's gonna be easy, but it will happen. I mean, I was miserable for a long time after Finn, and it was hard to get over him, but I did, and now we're even kind of friends. Kind of. But you're never gonna feel any better if you don't let yourself try to get over her. And the best way to get over her is to go out and let yourself have some fun.”  
  
“I don't want to get over her,” Clarke murmured, but then sighed, and said, “But I know you're right. She... broke up with me so that I could live my life, and I guess staying in here and studying isn't really doing that.”  
  
Octavia beamed at her and then jumped up, Raven following her.  
  
“Exactly!” the smaller brunette exclaimed, and then pulled Clarke up from the bed while Raven grabbed the clothes she had thrown down earlier and handed them to the blonde. “You need to get out and have some fun, and that is exactly what is going to happen tonight!”  
  
“Yeah, so put your sexy self in this outfit that I so kindly picked out for you, and we'll get going!” Raven added, grinning at the blonde.  
  
Clarke shook her head but stripped out of her pajama pants and pulled the skinny jeans on and then did the same with the shirt. She highly doubted that having fun would be quite as easy as they were making it seem, but she loved these two idiots, and they were trying to help her, so she swore to herself that she would at least try to relax and have some fun, if only for them.  
  
As soon as she was dressed, the three girls left the dorm room and walked the short way to the party. It was in an apartment just off of campus, and by the time they got there the party was in full swing, the music blaring to the point where they could easily hear it from the sidewalk. Letting themselves in, they were unsurprised to see the apartment was already packed with college kids, almost all of them with a drink already in their hands. Octavia led the way to the kitchen where the three of them helped themselves to the cheap beer, each of them turning their noses up at the taste, but downing it quickly before helping themselves to another.  
  
For a while, the three stuck close together, none of them really knowing anyone else there, but after about half an hour Raven started in on a game of beer pong, winning the round easily. Before she could step away from the table, someone else stepped forward and challenged her to a game, and before Clarke and Octavia knew it, she had about three or four people waiting to challenge her. They stayed to watch the first two games, but then got bored and wandered away, waving to Raven as they left the room, the other girl nodding at them even as she tossed a ping pong ball and twirled it into another cup.  
  
Clarke and Octavia made their way back to the living room, where a few people were dancing and others were just lounging around on the couch and couple of chairs. They moved into a corner where there was some free space to stand and people-watched while they drank more of the now-less vile tasting beer. They talked as they watched, until Octavia saw a couple of the girls who were on the soccer team with her. They saw her and waved and ushered her over to join them. Octavia frowned, wanting to go talk with them, but not wanting to drag Clarke with her and also not wanting to leave her alone. Clarke saw the interaction, however, and then noticed the look on Octavia's face and nudged her shoulder gently. When Octavia looked at her, she nodded to the girls and told her, “Go ahead. I'll be fine.” The brunette continued to look unsure until Clarke rolled her eyes and gave her a light push, a small smile on her lips. “Go,” she insisted, and after another moment, Octavia smiled back and nodded to her, before she walked over to the girls, quickly getting involved in a conversation about their last game.  
  
The brunette only planned on talking with her teammates for a few minutes, but when she looked back to check on the blonde, she found that some guy had taken her place next to her, and to Octavia's surprise, Clarke actually seemed to be enjoying herself. Octavia's surprise grew even further when she noticed Clarke laugh at something he said and touch his shoulder, clearly flirting with him. She wasn't entirely sure she trusted that, but Clarke seemed to be having fun, and that had been the whole point of the night, so she just turned back to her teammates after another look at the other girl.  
  
Octavia talked with her teammates for another fifteen minutes before she ran out of drink and excused herself to go get more. Looking back into the corner before she left the room, she found Clarke in the same spot, still talking to the same guy. Smiling a little, Octavia left the room, heading back to the kitchen where she found Raven still playing beer pong, this time on a team with some chick who seemed almost as good as she was. Getting another drink, Octavia moved over to the table to watch her friend win another round.  
  
Throwing the ball into the final cup on her opponents side, Raven smirked as the two guys groaned and began chugging their beers. Her partner cheered, high-fiving her before stepping away from the table, ready to move on to something else. Raven looked around her and suddenly saw Octavia standing to the side of the table, watching. What she noticed was the very clear lack of a certain blonde beside her, so when someone else stepped forward to play her, Raven just shook her head, saying, “Sorry sweetheart, but Momma's gotta rest her arm. I might be back though, if you all play so horribly that I'm embarrassed for ya.”  
  
Ignoring the groans and eye-rolling, Raven left the table and moved to where Octavia stood, immediately asking her, “Where's Clarke?”  
  
Octavia jerked her thumb over her shoulder back towards the living room as she replied, “Talking to some guy. I left her alone for like, five minutes and when I turned around there was some guy flirting with her.”  
  
Raven scowled, her fists clenched.  
  
“Well I can take care of that,” she growled and moved to step towards the living room, but Octavia's hand on her shoulder stopped her.  
  
Responding to the confused look Raven threw at her, Octavia replied, “No, I mean, he's flirting with her, and Clarke's flirting _back_. She seems to actually be having fun. Maybe?”  
  
Raven raised her eyebrows, clearly not believing the shorter girl, causing Octavia to sigh and pull her towards the doorway. Looking into the living room, they found Clarke still standing in the corner with the same guy, a small grin on her lips. Raven whistled softly, clearly surprised by what she was seeing, and Octavia just nodding, saying, “Yeah, I know.”  
  
“So this is a... good thing?” Raven asked, and Octavia just shrugged.  
  
“It's better than sitting in our room looking like a beaten puppy dog,” she said, and Raven had to agree. The two girls gave their friend one last look, and then turned when they heard someone announce a game of King's Cup in the other room.  
  
The two played, enjoying the classic drinking but missing the many times their friend group had played it. The only time their attention to the game was broken was when Clarke and the unknown guy came into the room to get a couple of fresh drinks, Clarke smiling up at him the entire time. Octavia and Raven looked at the blonde, and then looked at each other, and then looked back as the two once again left the room, still rather unsure about the entire situation.  
  
That all happened towards the beginning of the game. A half hour later, as the game was coming to an end, the guy came back into the room, this time with a couple of guys rather than the blonde they expected. The guy was glaring as his friends laughed, and the two girls were finally able to hear, “Dude, you're such a bad kisser that you make chicks cry!” over the noise of the game.  
  
Giving each other a look, Raven and Octavia immediately stood up, abandoning the game and made their way over to the guy and his buddies. They didn't notice the two girls until Octavia spoke up, surprising them.  
  
“Hey, where's Clarke?” she asked, and the guys all turned their attention to the two brunettes.  
  
“Who?” one of them asked, and Raven clenched her jaw before pointing to the guy Clarke had been with for most of the night.  
  
“The blonde who spent most of the night with him,” she informed them, jabbing said guy in the chest with her finger a little harder than was maybe necessary.  
  
The other guys all laughed, but he just rubbed at the spot, scowling at them both.  
  
“I don't know, she left or something,” he mumbled, shooting glares at his buddies.  
  
Raven's glare grew colder and her jaw clenched tighter. She grabbed his shirt and pulled him roughly towards her, surprising all of them.  
  
“What. Happened,” she all but commanded, and the guy seemed to pale at the tone of her voice.  
  
“H-hey, nothing happened,” he stuttered, “We were having a good time, and she was like, totally into me, and then I kissed her, and at first she liked it, was like, all for it, but then, I dunno, she started crying for some reason and just bolted. Just left.”  
  
Raven glared into his face, reading his expression, and then finally pushed him back towards his friends.  
  
“That better be all that happened, cause I swear, if I find out you did something to hurt her, you will never be having children,” she warned him, and then she and Octavia left, hurrying out of the room. The guy watched them leave and then swallowed thickly before turning to his buddies and saying, “Chicks man. They're all crazy.” His buddies all agreed.  
  
Moving back into the living room, Octavia and Raven did a quick search, not finding Clarke anywhere, and then they headed out the door. There was no sight of their friend until they had completely left the building and turned to head back to the dorms. Before they got very far, they saw a figure sitting on the sidewalk, hunched over, her blonde hair pooling over her shoulders hiding her face. Her shoulders were shaking, clearly telling the two girls how hard the figure was crying, even if she had managed to sob silently. Without a word, the two sat beside her, each on one side of the blonde, and wrapped their arms around her, their foreheads going to each of her shoulders.  
  
Clarke knew it was them as soon as she had heard their footsteps. She had tried to stop the quiet sobs that wracked at her frame, but as her two best friends sat on either side of her and held her, the sobs only increased, and she finally just let them.  
  
“I-I m-miss her s-so m-much,” she finally got out, the words broken up by her sobs.  
  
“Shh,” Octavia whispered, running a couple of fingers through her hair, “It's okay. We've got you.”  
  
“I-I just w-want her b-back,” she croaked out, the words getting stuck in her throat.  
  
“We know, honey,” Raven replied, her arms tightening their hold around her middle, “We know. We miss her too.”  
  
“I d-don't kn-know how to l-let her g-go,” the blonde tried to explain, but there was no need to. They both already knew.  
  
“Clarke, what happened?” Octavia asked, her worry evident in her voice, “Did that guy try to do something? You looked like you were having a good time.”  
  
Clarke let out a wet laugh, but the sound didn't make either of the other girls feel any better. If anything it made them both worry more, because that was not a sound that Clarke Griffin ever made.  
  
“No, he, he didn't try anything,” Clarke replied, taking deep breaths to try to calm herself down. “He was nice. K-kind of an idiot, b-but nice. I m-mean, I knew w-what he wanted the minute he c-came over. B-but I thought, m-maybe that's what I needed, you know? Someone to, to just... be with. S-someone I didn't, didn't care about at all, just, just easy sex. You know, s-simple. A-and it was easy, at first. I-it was easy to just, just flirt.” She closed her eyes for a minute, and Octavia and Raven looked at each other worriedly as her body started to shake harder once again. “B-but then he _kissed_ me, and I, I couldn't d-do it. I couldn't, couldn't think of anything b-but her, of _Lexa_. I-it was all, all wrong. He isn't, isn't her. I-I need her. I need Lexa. I need Lexa. I need Lexa! She has to c-come back! I can't, I don't... I can't b-be without h-her! Sh-she j-just left. H-how c-could she think I-I c-could be wi-without h-her? I n-need my Lexa.”  
  
She broke down into sobs once again, and all either brunette could do was hold her, trying to comfort her when they both knew they couldn't give her what she really needed.  
  


***

  
After that party, things changed. Clarke still worked hard, spending most of her free time studying, doing exceptionally well in all of her classes. But now on the weekends, she went out partying. She drank. She flirted. She made out. She had sex. Octavia watched as her friend, one of the people she cared about most in the world, turned back into the party girl she had been early in high school, before she had met the girl she now loved. Except this time it was worse. In high school she had been trying to fight against the growing feelings for the same girl. Now she was trying to fight the deep, ingrained feelings that were there, entwined in her very soul. She hadn't been able to shake them when they were first growing; she stood no chance in fighting them now that their roots had taken hold in her very bones. She tried though; oh did she try.  
  
Octavia watched her try, going from one guy to another, one drink to another, more often than not the two combined. She wanted to help her friend, to free her of the pain she saw in those blue eyes every time she looked in them, but she didn't know how to. She tried to talk to Clarke about it, but after her breakdown on the sidewalk, Clarke seemed more determined than ever to not talk about her ex, or about what she was doing with her life. So Octavia just watched, going to the parties with Clarke so that she could keep an eye on the blonde, always being there to help her get home and holding her hair for her as she puked the remains of the nights spoils into the toilet. No longer did Clarke breakdown into sobs, but Octavia wished she would, thinking that it would be far better than what she was doing to herself instead. But when she tried to voice her concerns to the blonde, the girl just glared at her and told her to back off and that if she didn't want to watch Clarke do this to herself she didn't have to go with her. Figuring that it was better to have someone there with her, Octavia remained silent after that and followed along, hoping for the day when her lost friend would find herself again. Until that time, she would be there, to try to help guide her home.  
  


***

  
Lexa didn't have any friends to try to help guide her along. She was alone, and that was how she wanted it. She closed off her heart, deciding early on not to let anyone else in. Her chest ached as she made her way through her new life, and she knew it was because of the many people she had already let in. To prevent any further ache, she closed herself off, diving into her work.  
  
She worked in her classes and out of them, quickly becoming the one that all of her teachers looked to as the perfect student. Her work was always done, and done perfectly. She asked questions and answered them, far ahead of her classmates as she spent her free time reading ahead in all of her texts books. She pushed her mind to its limits, soaking up every bit of information as she could, and when her mind needed a break, she moved to pushing her body to its limits.  
  
She had always been an avid fan of exercising, what with dance taking up so much of her time, but now she spent every moment of her spare time pushing her body through rigorous training. She knew she was going to need it, knew that before long her body was going to have to be able to take anything, so she started pushing it towards that goal right away. She ran until her legs ached, did sit-ups, push-ups and pull-ups until her arms shook from exhaustion, and then did more. She pushed herself to the edge and then pushed herself further, refusing to ever back down. Whether she was pushing herself to be better or punishing herself for what she did, she couldn't say, but either way, her body screamed at her to stop and she didn't listen.  
  
She talked to her father and Anya on a regular basis, and that was all. She kept in contact with Lincoln, and some with Octavia because she had promised, but that was it. When she did talk with Octavia, they talked about their classes, Octavia's soccer games, or Lexa's work outs. Neither of them ever mentioned the blonde that was on both of their minds.  
  
She didn't know which of them had decided it, but she and Clarke never talked, never texted, never interacted, and she figured it was for the best. Clarke could get over her easier if she didn't try to contact her. The blonde may have thought that even after years apart they could be together, but Lexa knew the likelihood of that. Clarke would find someone else, fall in love, and that would be that. Clarke deserved that. She deserved to be happy, and Lexa needed to remove herself completely from the picture so that could happen. She herself would never get over the blonde; that was just a fact, and a fact that she could live with. It had been her choice to leave, her decision to become a Marine and put that before a life with the girl she loved, and so she could live with the consequence of always loving the other girl, and knowing the blonde wouldn't always love her. Clarke was too good, too amazing not to find someone else, and the knowledge that Clarke would be happy was enough to make Lexa accept these facts.  
  
It didn't stop her heart from aching in the night, however. It didn't stop her pulse from racing whenever she woke from a dream of the two of them together, nor did it stop the hope from rising in her throat whenever she saw a flash of blonde hair out of the corner of her eyes, only to be dashed to pieces when she remembered just how far away the other girl really was. She knew Clarke moving on was for the best, but that knowledge couldn't stop the few tears from running down her face when she knew no one was watching (which was always, now; she was alone, and no one was watching).  
  
So she pushed herself. She pushed herself, because if she left Clarke for this life, she was going to make damn sure that it was worth leaving her for.  
  


***

  
A little over a week before Clarke would be heading home for Thanksgiving, her mother called her while she was studying. She picked up her phone and answered it right away, needing a short break from the essay in front of her.  
  
“Hey Mom, what's up?” she asked in greeting as soon as the phone was to her ear.  
  
“Hi Sweetie, I'm just calling to check in and see how things are going,” her mother's voice told her, but there was a hint to her tone that told Clarke that was not in fact the reason for the call.  
  
“Things are fine,” she replied, knowing that her mother would get to the reason for the phone call sooner or later. “Just studying and working on an essay for my biology class right now.”  
  
“Fun,” her mother said, and she rolled her eyes because it was about the opposite of fun, but then paid attention as her mother continued with, “Clarke, honey, there actually is a reason I'm calling. Your father and I had a thought, but we wanted to run it by you before we act on it.”  
  
“Yeah, okay, what's the thought?” Clarke asked, suspicious.  
  
“Well, I don't know if you've heard, but Lexa isn't coming home for Thanksgiving due to the expense of a plane ticket, so Gustus has no one to spend Thanksgiving with.” Clarke stiffened in her chair at Lexa's name. She knew her parents knew about the break up, but they didn't know exactly what that break up had done to their daughter, Clarke not feeling the need to tell them about her many weeks of drinking and sex. Still, they knew she was really upset, and so hadn't really brought up the other girl until now. “We were thinking that it might be nice to invite him over to our house for Thanksgiving so he doesn't spend it alone, but also would completely understand if you're not comfortable with that, giving the... circumstances. So we wanted to run the idea by you, and whatever you say will be perfectly fine.”  
  
Clarke thought about the idea for a moment, leaving her mother to listen to her silence. She honestly wasn't that surprised by the idea, though it had never occurred to her. Her parents and Gustus had become friends while Lexa and she had dated, and it made sense that they still were now, even though she and Lexa weren't speaking (and how had that happened? Clarke wondered. Neither had ever talked about not speaking once they broke up, but it had just happened, and now Clarke couldn't bring herself to even look at Lexa's contact information in her phone). She also hadn't thought about Lexa not being able to come home for Thanksgiving, since she tried her very hardest not to think about the other girl at all (she was not very successful with that one). The idea of Gustus being alone during Thanksgiving hurt her a little, because she had also really come to like and look up to the man, and nobody should be alone on Thanksgiving.  
  
Before she even really knew what she was saying, Clarke heard herself tell her mother, “Invite him.”  
  
Her mother sounded surprised when she asked, “Honey, are you sure?”  
  
Clarke thought about it a moment longer, and then nodded, even though her mother couldn't see it.  
  
“Yeah,” she replied, “I'm sure. Invite him.”  
  
“Alright, I will,” her mother said, and then paused a moment before adding, “I'm really proud of you Clarke. So much.”  
  
Clarke ended the phone call, going back over the details of when she would be home with her mother, and then hung up and put her cell phone on her desk. She closed her eyes and let out a long sigh. She had just over a week to prepare herself to see Lexa's father again. It wasn't nearly enough time.  
  


***

  
“Lexa?”  
  
“Yes Dad?” Lexa said into the phone while she read her history book, focusing on a particularly interesting paragraph on the Vietnam War.  
  
“The Griffins invited me over to their house for Thanksgiving.” Lexa froze in place, the words reverberating around in her head. “I'm telling you because I know things are awkward between you and Clarke right now, so I won't go if you don't want me to. Just say the word, and I will tell them that I have other plans.”  
  
Lexa closed her eyes. The problem was, she knew her father didn't have other plans. They didn't have much family left, and what little they did have lived far enough away that he wouldn't want to travel that far just for a day. His friends all had their own families to spend the day with, and apparently none of them had thought about inviting him to join them. Except the Griffins.  
  
Honestly, this shouldn't have come as such a surprise to Lexa. She knew Jake and Abby, knew that they had become friends with her father, and knew that they weren't the kind of people to let someone be alone on Thanksgiving. What surprised her was the fact that she hadn't even thought about this possibility: it had never once crossed her mind, and it really should have. This is what she got for trying so hard not to think about a certain blonde, and, by extension, her family.  
  
She couldn't say no. She couldn't. It was her fault that her father was going to be alone on Thanksgiving, because she had chosen to go to a school that made it nearly impossible for her to travel home for just about any holiday. So how could she tell her father not to accept the one invitation he had been given? The problem was, of course, that she didn't want him to be around Clarke when she couldn't be. It was foolish and selfish, she knew, but the idea of her father seeing Clarke, spending time with the entire Griffin family while she was stuck all alone in her dorm room hurt her much more than she thought it should.  
  
She refused to let him know that, however, so instead she forced a happy tone to her voice as she told him, “I think you should go. It will be fun.”  
  
She was sure that he didn't completely believe her as he asked, “Are you sure, Lexa?”  
  
She bit her lip, and then quickly let it go, knowing that it was a habit she had picked up from the blonde, before she replied, “I'm sure Dad. Go to the Griffin's for Thanksgiving, and have an extra roll for me. You know they are my favorite.”  
  
He agreed to, his tone still not completely believing her but agreeing to go along with it anyway, and after a few more minutes of talking they hung up. As she set her cell phone down, Lexa closed her eyes to try to compose herself. Opening them, she turned her attention back to her history book, but had a harder time deciphering the words through the tears she was fighting to hold back.  
  


***

  
“Well, I'm thoroughly stuffed. Another successful Thanksgiving, I'd say,” Jake groaned as he sat back in his chair, wiping his hands on his napkin.  
  
“Yes, Abby, the food was delicious, thank you again for inviting me,” Gustus replied from his spot at the table.  
  
Abby just shook her head, smiling, as she informed him, “Of course Gustus, we're happy you could make it.”  
  
Clarke looked at the three adults at the table, the knife in her stomach turning once again, wrenching a fresh burst of pain free. She smiled, not letting them see how much she was hurting, or how the knife stabbed through her whenever Gustus would smile in the way that looked so much like Lexa's smile.  
  
In a way, she really was glad to have him there, because she had missed him. He had become an important part of her life while she had been with Lexa, and when the other girl left her, Clarke found that she not only missed the brunette, but her father as well. So seeing him here, in her house and still acting very much like a part of her family made things feel almost right again.  
  
The problem with that, was that things weren't right. They were all wrong. Nothing about this situation was right, because Gustus was there and Lexa wasn't. The two of them had joined them for Thanksgiving the previous two years, and both years Gustus had sat right there where he was currently sitting, and Lexa had sat next to Clarke. Except this year that seat wasn't there. This year Clarke had no one to hold hands with under the table, no one to compete with to see who could eat more rolls and then complain with when they had eaten too many. This year she felt so completely alone, and Gustus's presence just made that loneliness hit her harder.  
  
She made it through dinner. She made it through clean up. She even made it through one game of cards, which she and her family always played before taking out the pies on Thanksgiving. But when the pies came out, one pumpkin and one apple, just like every year, she couldn't take it anymore. She excused herself from the table, claiming a need to use the restroom, and all but bolted down the hall, closing the bathroom door firmly behind her. She moved over to the sink, wrapping her fingers around its porcelain edge tightly, and let out a deep, shaky breath. She didn't cry, not because she didn't allow herself to, but because the tears weren't coming. Instead of tears, her sorrow had turned itself into a hallow pit in her stomach, almost like a black hole that sucked away at everything Clarke was, and every emotion she could possibly feel other than this sorrow that had laced itself into her very bones.  
  
After a moment of allowing that pit to take over her, she reached into her pocket and took out her cell phone and did something she hadn't done in months: she brought up Lexa's name, and began a new text to send her. The problem was, she didn't know what to say.  
  
_**So... I miss you.**_ Delete.  
  
_**I managed to eat four rolls before I felt sick.**_ Delete.  
  
_**Hope you're having a great Thanksgiving!**_ Delete.  
  
_**I'm absolutely miserable w/o you. I don't know how much longer I can take hurting this much.**_ Delete.  
  
_**Do you miss me as much as I miss you?**_ Delete.  
  
_**I still love you. More than anything. More than I hate you for what this has done to me. I'd still wait for you. If you asked. But I know you won't ask, and that hurts. And I know you won't ask because you want me to be happy, but I don't know how to be happy anymore. How did you manage to do this to me? What am I doing to myself? Why can't I forget about you? Why can't I let you go, like I know you need me to? I'm sorry. I'm sorry I'm not as strong as you thought I was. I'm trying... Kinda. I just... I still love you, and don't know how to stop. How do you stop loving the person you were born to love?**_  
  
Delete. Delete. Delete.  
  
Looking at the blank screen, Clarke sighed before locking the phone and slipping it back into her pocket. She looked up at her reflection in the mirror and then closed her eyes again when all she saw in her eyes was pain. She forced a smile on her face, opened her eyes and tried to hide the hurt in them, before she turned back to the door to face her parents and Gustus once again.  
  


***

  
Lexa's Thanksgiving was comprised of a chicken salad sandwich, a small bag of chips, and a pumpkin chocolate chip cookie she had allowed herself to splurge on. Other than the phone call she had with her father and the texts she sent to Anya and Lincoln, she didn't talk to anyone all day, instead spending the holiday focusing on her reading and training. For her, it was just another day.  
  


***

  
During the couple of weeks between Thanksgiving break and Winter break, Clarke threw herself even further into her work, and even further into trying to forget about Lexa. During the weekdays she went to class, goaded Octavia into going to class, and studied. During the weekend, she partied, drinking and finding new people to sleep with. She knew Octavia worried about her, and Raven too when she visited, but she couldn't make herself care. She needed to forget about everything that hurt, and the only times she could try to forget was when she was drunk with a new person on top of her.  
  
(In reality, she thought about Lexa more in these moments. When he kissed her, she would think about how Lexa's kisses were softer. When he pulled her clothes off, she thought about how Lexa took more care in the action, making it part of the entire experience. When she touched her, her fingers moved too quickly, sliding down her skin in a much more hurried way than Lexa's ever did, even when they were too worked up to be slow. When he entered her, he was rough, so much rougher than Lexa had ever been. None of them were Lexa, but they all made her think about Lexa, made her remember Lexa's touch, and that was the point. If she couldn't have Lexa, then she could at least have the memory of Lexa, of the girl who had stolen her sanity.)  
  
As Winter break drew nearer, she began to worry about a repeat of Thanksgiving. She didn't know if she could take seeing Lexa's father in her house again without Lexa, so finally she found the courage to ask her father about it one night while talking with him on the phone.  
  
“So uh, is Gustus going to be coming over for Christmas?” she asked in what she hoped was a completely level tone with no hint at her real thoughts about it.  
  
Either her tone was level enough, or her father just didn't pick up on her real thoughts, because he replied easily, “No, he won't be coming over.”  
  
Clarke licked her lips, her heart suddenly beating a bit faster.  
  
“So, um, does that mean Lexa's coming home for the break?” She didn't know how to feel about that: on the one hand, her entire being ached to see the other girl again, but on the other hand she didn't think she'd survive watching the brunette leave her again.  
  
She needn't have worried about it.  
  
“Oh no, Gustus said that he's actually going to visit her for part of the break,” her father informed her, and Clarke's heart dropped, “He said that she invited him up. She wants to show him the campus and he wants to see it. He seems very excited to go.”  
  
“Oh, that's great!” Clarke exclaimed, the lump in her throat nearly catching the words, but she forced them out anyway, and her father didn't seem to notice. Their conversation continued on, but Clarke only half listened, her heart once again having proven to her that it can always break further.  
  


***

  
“Holy shit have I missed you guys!” Octavia exclaimed, throwing her arms around Jasper and Monty as they laughed and hugged her back.  
  
“We missed you too!” Monty replied, his smile wide at seeing her again.  
  
It was December 23rd, and it was the first time that all of them were together again since they had left for college at the end of the summer. Well, not _all_ together, but Clarke tried to force herself not to think about who was missing as she smiled at Wells and returned his hug.  
  
“Man, look at you, you look great!” she told him, and he just smiled almost shyly.  
  
“You look great too, Clarke,” he replied, and even though she didn't really believe him, she just returned his smile.  
  
“Clarke!” she heard someone exclaim, and she turned to find Finn behind her, a giant grin on his face.  
  
“Finn!” she returned the exclamation, and suddenly he was hugging her and twirling her around and she was laughing. Yes, actually laughing. It felt strange for her, but she tried to let the strangeness slide off.  
  
She hadn't been sure if Finn would be there, since he hadn't been at many of their get-togethers since he and Raven had broken up, but apparently she had been speaking the truth when she said they were friends once again because here he was. She was glad of it, because while Raven had always and would always be one of her best friends and would always come first, he had still been a good friend to her, and she had missed him. But now here he was, and he was actually making her laugh.  
  
“So how's the college life going?” he asked as he put her down, and she just shrugged.  
  
“It's going pretty well,” she lied, not wanting to talk about how she acted on the weekends with her friends. She knew they would always love her and would understand, but it didn't mean she wanted her pain broadcasted to them all. “What about you?” she asked instead, and he just mirrored the shrug.  
  
“Eh, pretty much the same,” he replied, “Go to classes, do the homework, try to have a little fun on the weekends. The average college life.”  
  
She nodded, trying to act as though she was also living the average college life, and not drowning in pain.  
  
The two were brought back to the group when Raven came in, carrying a couple of boxes of pizza and Bellamy followed behind with two grocery bags stuffed with soda and alcohol.  
  
“Time to party!” Raven exclaimed, and everyone cheered in response, all swarming the two of them for both pizza and drinks.  
  
Soon they all were drinking and eating and talking, telling each other of the new parts of their lives and laughing as they recounted old stories. Clarke listened to the stories, not adding her own and thankful that neither Octavia or Raven added any of her own to the mixture either. She knew that Octavia had probably told Lincoln at least some of what was going on, but she was happy that none of them chose to talk about it. In fact, Lexa's name wasn't mentioned by anyone in the circle, including Anya, and Clarke wondered if maybe Octavia or Raven _had_ mentioned something to people about not mentioning the missing girl's name. If so, she was thankful for it, because even just being there among her friends turned out to be harder than Clarke had thought it would. In so many ways, it felt as though no time had gone by, and the more she drank, the more Clarke wanted to reach over and find Lexa sitting next to her, smiling down at her ready to take her hand. But Lexa wasn't there, and when she reached out she found Finn who happily took her hand and squeezed it and then let go, thinking it was just a friendly hand hold. But the more Clarke drank, the more she ached for Lexa's touch, which meant she ached simply to _be_ touched.  
  
And Finn was right there. And it wasn't fair to him, she knew it, and it wasn't fair to Raven, she knew that too, but Finn liked her. She knew it. Finn had liked her for a while, so when she leaned against him as though she was simply off balance, he leaned back, lingering for a moment longer than needed. And she shouldn't do it, she knew, but when she got up to refresh her drink, the slight sway of her hips had him following behind her. It was bad, it was wrong, it was not okay, but it was the way she wanted it. Screw the consequences, screw the fact that yes, it was wrong for her to play with Finn's emotions this way, screw the fact that she was simply using one of her friends so that she could feel something other than utter and complete pain, just _screw it_.  
  
So when she and Finn somehow made it upstairs to her bedroom, she didn't think about it. She didn't think about how the rest of their friends were right downstairs and they all probably knew what they were doing. Forget the fact that she was completely and one hundred percent turning on Raven's trust. Forget the fact that when she was sober, when the room no longer had the fuzzy tinge to it that it now had for both of them, she would regret these actions. Forget everything except the way her heart began racing when Finn leaned forward and kissed her. Forget everything except the tingle of her skin as his fingers trailed down her arms. Forget everything except for the way her body responded to his.  
  
“Are you sure about this?” she heard him whisper against her ear, and she just nodded.  
  
“Yes,” she replied, and then kissed him again, bringing her hands up to curl her fingers in his hair.  
  
“Okay then,” he replied when he pulled away from the kiss, and pulled his shirt off over his head before he reached to the hem of her shirt and did the same for her.  
  
It all happened so fast, and yet it seemed to take an eternity. Before Clarke knew it, they were both naked, and yet it seemed to take forever for their clothes to hit the floor. The next moment they were on the bed, tangled in each other's limbs, and yet every movement seemed to be happening in slow motion. His lips were on her throat, her chest, her stomach all at once, and yet they slid down her body at a snail's pace. He was touching her and she was touching him and her skin burned at every point of contact with his, and yet she felt almost detached, as though she was watching the entire scene rather than being an active participant. The action stopped only long enough for him to slip the condom on that he happened to have in the bag he'd brought with him, and yet while he was gone Clarke was sure she could have written the next great American novel. He was in her so suddenly it took her breath away, and yet she hadn't been breathing for months, so how could that be possible? He pounded into her, each thrust quicker than the last, and yet, she felt as though a decade went by between each one. He came and she didn't, and she thought that was it, but then his fingers were rubbing against her clit and she was moaning because that's what you do when someone touches you like that. She was moaning and she could feel the pressure inside of her body building, and like every time she hoped that this time when she came she would expel all of the hurt, all of the sorrow out of her, but like every time she didn't she just shook and then stilled, and the pain still sat in her chest as though it was a tumor she had no hope of removing.  
  
As he pulled out of her, Finn leaned over her and kissed her bare shoulder before whispering, “That was great. I've been wanting to do that for a long time.”  
  
“Yeah, I know,” Clarke whispered back, and she closed her eyes because she couldn't look at him. She regretted it: she had known she would, but she hadn't thought it would hit her so soon. She had used him, and he had no idea. She was horrible, she was low, and she clearly didn't deserve the happiness that had fled her so long ago. Maybe that was why it wasn't coming back.  
  
When they returned downstairs, the look on Raven's face when Clarke met her eyes made her feel even worse, and she wondered if it was possible for her to sink any lower. Who the hell had she become?  
  


***

  
Lexa smiled at her father sitting across the small table, their food spread out in front of them. It was by no means a Christmas feast: they had picked up a couple of sandwiches, some fresh fruit, a bag of chips and some chocolate chip cookie dough which they had baked into a dozen or so cookies, and that was their Christmas dinner. Lexa didn't care though; after almost five full months without seeing her father, she could have a bowl of ramen be her Christmas dinner and she'd be happy. She hadn't realized just how much she had missed him until he was in front of her again and had pulled her into a warm hug. She couldn't remember the last time someone showed her that kind of affection (yes she could, it was with a certain blonde in a certain airport, but she tried her best not to think about that moment), so she had nearly melted into the hug.  
  
That had been three days ago, and since then that happiness hadn't faded once. She had shown her father all around the area, taking him around campus and to a couple of the museums nearby, and nothing could have made the past few days more perfect (that was a lie, but she was still trying not to think about the blonde who made her whole world perfect and whose absence seemed to suck the color out of everything around her). Now they sat in her father's small hotel room, sharing the feast they had managed to scrounge up. They had agreed not to get each other presents, Gustus's present being the trip to visit her, and her present being the trips to the museums, and so now they could just enjoy the time that they had left before Gustus had to leave, which was quickly approaching, much to Lexa's dismay. She didn't think about it, however, and just listened as her father filled her in on all the new things in his life (there really wasn't all that much new, but she missed him and wanted to hear it all anyway).  
  
Suddenly Lexa felt her phone vibrate in her pocket. She planned to ignore it, expecting it to just be a text from Anya, probably wishing her a Merry Christmas, but then it kept vibrating so she took it out to see who was calling her. When she read the name on the screen and saw the picture, her eyes widened.  
  
“Um, sorry Dad, but I have to take this. Excuse me?” she said as she stood up quickly.  
  
He looked at her quizzically but nodded, and she stepped out of the room, closing the hotel room door behind her. She didn't know why, but she just didn't want her father listening in on this conversation, so she walked down to the end of the hallway where a couple of chairs were set up for guests of the hotel to use. Stealing herself, she took a deep breath and then answered the phone.  
  
“Clarke,” she whispered into the cell phone.  
  
“Hey,” she heard on the other end, the other girl's voice quiet as well. “Um... How are you?”  
  
“I'm... well, I suppose,” Lexa replied, and then kicked herself mentally at the response. Ignoring it, she continued, “How are you?”  
  
“I'm... I'm good, I guess,” was the reply, and then there was a long beat of silence where neither girl knew what to say. Finally Clarke said, “Sorry if I'm interrupting your time with your father.”  
  
“You're not,” Lexa told her quickly, and then added, “Well, you are, but it's okay. I don't mind the interruption.”  
  
“Oh. Good then,” she heard, and then there was another silence.  
  
“Clarke I...,” she began, but didn't really know what to say.  
  
“What Lexa?” she heard the blonde ask, and Lexa closed her eyes.  
  
_I'm sorry._  
  
_I miss you._  
  
_I love you._  
  
_Please forgive me._  
  
“I hope you are having a wonderful holiday,” she finally said, feeling like a complete coward.  
  
“Yeah, I am. It's really nice,” Clarke replied, “In fact, I should probably be getting back. I just... I just wanted to call to wish you a Merry Christmas, I guess.”  
  
“Thank you,” Lexa replied, “It... It means a lot to me.”  
  
“Alright then. So... Merry Christmas Lexa.”  
  
“Merry Christmas, Clarke.”  
  
With that she heard a beep come from her phone, and knew that Clarke had hung up. She held the phone up a moment longer, unable to let the call go quite so soon.  
  
“I miss you,” she whispered, now that there was no one there to hear it, and then put the phone down and took a deep breath before returning to her father and their Christmas feast. If he knew who had been on the other line when she returned, he didn't say anything, simply handing her a cookie with an easy smile. She thanked him and took a bite from it, but her stomach was churning so much from the phone call that she could barely swallow it. She had finally gotten the chance to speak with Clarke again, and what had she said? Absolutely nothing of importance. It was the worst kind of Christmas miracle she could have imagined, and she hated herself for not saying more.  
  


***

  
Clarke hung up the phone, letting her hand drop to her side. It had been her voice. She had heard Lexa's voice. The conversation had been awkward, rough, but it had been Lexa. After weeks of not hearing that voice, it didn't surprise her at all when the butterflies and gaping chasm inside of her fought for control over her insides.  
  
She didn't really know why she had done it. One moment she had been opening presents with her parents, and the next she had excused herself, shut herself once again in the bathroom, and called her ex-girlfriend. There was no logic to it, no reason behind it that made any sense to her, but she had done it. She had needed to do it.  
  
After sleeping with Finn, it was as if she woke up to what her life had become. Raven had refused to talk to her ever since, even Octavia had looked at her like she didn't know her anymore, and Finn had been texting her non-stop. She had fucked up. Royally. Stupendously. Egregiously. She had fucked up, but because of that fuck up she had realized how far she had fallen. It was time for her to move on, to let go and continue on with her life, instead of letting this pain cripple her forever.  
  
But before she moved on, she'd had to talk to Lexa one more time. She had to hear her voice, imagine her lips forming her words. And she had. She had talked to Lexa, and now it was time to move on. She looked at herself in the mirror, determination in her eyes for the first time in a long time, and said to herself, “It's time to fix everything you screwed up. Time to get your life back under control.”  
  
And it was. It very much was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, I hope you enjoyed! Feel free to comment and let me know your thoughts. Thanks for reading, as always!


	15. Chapter 15

It took almost a month for Clarke to get Raven to speak to her again. She texted her, called her, tried every way she could think of to get the other girl to talk to her, and finally she drove home one night and sat on Raven's front steps until the brunette got home from work. When Raven pulled up and saw the blonde, Clarke could tell she was pissed she was there, but after a lot of yelling on Raven's part and apologizing on Clarke's, a sort of truce was made (“Everybody gets one major fuck-up. You've used yours. Don't fuck up again, or there won't be another chance,” the brunette informed the blonde just before she left, to which Clarke quickly agreed). Even after that, things were still awkward between the two friends, but Raven stuck to her word and gave the blonde a second chance so Clarke could only be grateful, even if she knew things still weren't quite what they had been before she had made her huge mistake.  
  
She wasn't so successful when it came to Finn. After texting her for days, Clarke finally talked to him and explained why she had slept with him. When he heard her explanation, he looked at her like he didn't know who she was and left almost immediately (“You used me, Clarke. You knew how I felt about you, and you just used me to what? Get back at your ex? Try to forget her? I like you: I really like you, but that's not how you treat someone, especially someone who's supposed to be your friend”). As he stormed away, Clarke knew that she had pretty much destroyed that friendship, which gave her one more thing to cry about that night.  
  
After that, however, she began to pull her life back together. She quit going to parties, and quit drinking altogether. She once again focused on her schoolwork, but this time she didn't let it consume her life. Now she made sure to spend time with her friends, and even worked on making new ones. Octavia, who she had known had hated watching her destroy herself, smiled at her more often now, especially once things with Raven were patched up. They hung out, watched movies, went to dorm events together (they kicked ass at _Harry Potter_ trivia, where they won a $25 gift certificate to the local movie theater), and simply fell back into their old rhythm. It all felt so natural, except when Octavia would look over and see that lost look that still clouded Clarke's eyes sometimes. Before she could start panicking, however, Clarke would notice her looking, and give her a small, reassuring smile. Octavia seriously worried about Clarke spiraling back apart, but Clarke was determined not to. So now, instead of trying to force herself to not think about Lexa, she let herself think and hurt and ache.  
  
For awhile, it hurt. A lot. Lexa seemed to constantly be on her mind, and whenever she thought of those green eyes, or that small smile, Clarke would feel a sharp ache in her gut. But she learned an important lesson as the days ticked by: time heals. Where one day thinking about Lexa caused her breath to catch in her lungs, weeks later the same thought brought on a much smaller pain. Eventually it got to the point where thinking about her ex didn't cause any pain, but merely a sort of wistfulness. She never stopped missing the other girl, but as she dove into a real, healthy, stable college life, that feeling of loss and misery shrunk, until she only felt it when she thought about it, and as her life got busier, she found herself thinking about it less and less. By the end of her Freshmen year, Clarke realized that thinking about Lexa no longer hurt, but rather that she could smile at the memories of the good times she'd had with the other girl. She was finally truly moving on, and while it ached a bit to realize that, she couldn't help but smile slightly in relief at the thought. She didn't doubt that she would ever stop loving the other girl, but now at least she could continue on with her life, instead of being stuck in that horrible place of pain and misery.  


***

  
Nobody ever told Lexa about Clarke and how the blonde spent the first half of her Freshmen year, just as no one ever told Clarke about Lexa's. After her conversation with Clarke on Christmas, Lexa became more determined than ever to excel at her schoolwork and training, and so that was all she focused on. From early in the morning until late at night, Lexa spent every waking minute training to become a Marine, both physically and mentally. She pushed both her body and her mind to their limits, soaking up everything she possibly could to become a Marine, and because of this her thoughts on Clarke became less and less frequent. She never stopped loving the blonde and never stopped missing her, but her drive pushed her to love the idea of the Marines more, and as time went on, that became her sole focus. She didn't worry about people, or making friends: she had one goal, and she saw no reason to let anything stand in her way of achieving that goal.  


***

  


  
_Sophomore Year_ : Year Two

  
Sophomore year came and went with little in it that truly stood out for Clarke when she would look back on it later. The summer between the school years she decided to stay on campus, as she got a job in the school's art gallery, and through that job she re-discovered her passion for art, which had before then become overshadowed by everything else. Because of that re-discovery the blonde decided to add on an art minor, which meant that she spent even more time on homework, since she now had an even busier class schedule, but the art she got to do made it worth it. On more than one occasion she convinced Octavia or Lincoln to model for her, and was even able to convince Raven to do so once or twice (their friendship, though at times strained, had so far held since Clarke's “Dark Days,” as her friends called it, and Clarke believed that she had managed to somehow save the friendship she had almost ruined. Watching Raven laugh and pick on Octavia or herself, Clarke would realize how close she had been to losing that, and would silently thank whatever might be listening that she hadn't).  
  
Even with the extra work, Clarke made sure to always leave time for her friends. That year she and Octavia got new neighbors, Monroe and Harper, two Freshmen girls who they became really close to. The four girls would spend many evenings together, watching movies or playing games, always talking and laughing. They talked about everything except for Clarke's Dark Days, so the two girls never really understood why the blonde would never go out with them when they were invited to parties. Octavia would tag along sometimes, but Clarke never did, always coming up with some lame excuse. The school year was almost over by the time they finally convinced her to go with them (“Come on, just give it a try. Don't drink if you don't want to, that's fine, but just come out with us. I'll pull you out of there if you start to turn into Dark Clarke again,” Octavia had said to her, and finally Clarke had given in). Clarke had been terrified that going to a party would trigger something in her and she'd fall back into her pit of despair, but it actually turned out to be really good for her. She took Octavia's suggestion and didn't drink, but she found that she actually really enjoyed partying once again. By the time they got back to their dorm room that night (this time Clarke supporting a very drunk Octavia and leading the equally drunk Harper and Monroe back to their own room), Clarke realized that she hadn't thought about Lexa once while they had been at the party. A small part of her hurt at the thought, because maybe that meant that she hadn't of loved the brunette as much as she thought, and maybe Lexa had been right that she would be able to move on and love someone else, but it was a very small part of her. The rest of her was just happy that she no longer hurt every moment of every day, and that she could in fact live her life without the brunette by her side. As she tucked the mumbling Octavia into bed and filled up a glass of water for the other girl, Clarke smiled, humming a light tune to her very drunk best friend.  


***

  
That Christmas, Lexa called Clarke. When Clarke saw who was calling, she smiled and picked up the phone, retreating into the bathroom where her parents couldn't hear her. Their conversation was brief, just as it had been the year before, but this time there was less pain in either girls' tone. It was still awkward, neither of them entirely sure what to say to the ex that they no longer spent all of their time trying not to think about, but it was easier. That year as they wished each other a Merry Christmas, they both could hear the genuine care in the other person's voice, but neither tried to push it any further than the simple pleasantry that it was. They each had other things to focus on than the girl on the other end of the line, and that was just the way it needed to be.  


***  


  
_Junior Year_ : Year Three

  


  
Two major things happened during Clarke's Junior year: Raven's accident, and meeting Jaime.  


***

  


  
It was only a little over a week from Halloween the night that Clarke got the call. It was three in the morning, and she had only gone to bed about two hours ago, staying up late to finish studying for a test she had the next day when her phone began to ring. The blonde groaned, very unhappy to be pulled so rudely from her sleep and heard Octavia swear at her from the other side of the room, but she ignored the brunette. Reaching over to her desk without actually opening her eyes, it took her a few moments to find the annoyingly _loud_ ringing phone, and when she finally did, she didn't even bother looking to see who was calling her before answering it.  
  
“Mm?” she mumbled into the phone once it was against her ear, her brain not awake enough to form words yet.  
  
“Clarke? Honey, I've got some bad news, but I don't want you to freak out, everything's going to be okay,” she heard her mother's voice say to her on the other end, and then when her mother told her why she had called, it was as if every muscle in her body hardened and turned to jello at the same time. Her brain whirred at her mother's words, unable to comprehend the meaning behind them.  
  
“What did you say?” she asked, and the fear in her voice must have been evident, as she suddenly heard Octavia sit up and she could feel the other girl's eyes on her.  
  
“Honey, there's been an accident. It's Raven...”  
  
After that, time seemed to stand still. As soon as she hung up, she jumped out of bed, hurriedly telling Octavia what was happening as she threw on the closest jacket she could find and grabbing her car keys. The two girls practically ran to the blonde's car, and even with what her mother had just told her, Clarke got them to the hospital in record time. It didn't matter though, because when they got there Clarke's father met them in the waiting room, telling them that Raven was still in surgery and that Clarke's mother had gone to see if she could find out any more information. So the two girls paced back and forth in the waiting room for what seemed like hours, Abby re-joining them shortly and telling them all that she knew.  
  
“It was a car accident,” she informed them, the corners of her lips pulled tight, “Drunk driver. She was on her way home from work and he clipped her from the side. They were both going fast enough that it flipped Raven's car over as she was pushed into the ditch. She was pinned for more than an hour before they could safely get her out. She's got a bad concussion and a number of scrapes and bruises but the worst is her legs. When they brought her in she couldn't move either of them. They think something is pushing on her spinal cord. If they can't remove the object, she'll never walk again, but if something goes wrong in the surgery...”  
  
“What? What?!” Octavia exclaimed as the doctor trailed off.  
  
She looked over at a very pale Clarke when the other girl finished her mother's thought.  
  
“If something goes wrong in the surgery, she could lose more than just the use of her legs,” the blonde answered, her mouth dry in fear.  
  
Octavia shook her head, unable to believe what was being said. She turned to Abby, who was looking at them both sadly, and exclaimed, “Why aren't you in there?! You're supposed to be a famous surgeon, so why aren't you in there fixing her?!”  
  
Abby shook her head as she answered, “I'm too close to her. You're not allowed to perform surgery on friends or family members. It's too risky.”  
  
“B-but this is Raven we're talking about!” the brunette cried, “She, she needs the best! She needs you!”  
  
Abby rested her palm on Octavia's shoulder, seeing the debilitating fear in the girl's eyes.  
  
“Octavia, Raven is going to be fine,” she tried to assure her, “Jackson is a fantastic surgeon and he is going to take very good care of her.”  
  
“But she's going to be scared,” the girl insisted, tears forming in her eyes. She clenched her hands into fists as they started to shake, but continued. “She acts tough all the time, but she's going to be scared. She must be so scared...” She clenched her eyes shut as the tears fell over, her own fear taking control and causing her whole body to shake. Suddenly she felt arms wrap around her and a hand start rubbing soothing circles on her back.  
  
“Shh,” she heard Clarke whisper into her ear, and she flung her own arms around her best friend, “It's going to be okay, O. Raven's going to be okay, and we're gonna be here for her when she gets out of surgery. We'll take care of her, don't worry.”  
  
Octavia nodded into the blonde's shoulder, but couldn't stop her worrying and she knew that for all of her words, Clarke was worried too. So they held each other, taking comfort in one another until they heard rushed footsteps, and saw Bellamy running into the waiting room. Octavia had called both him and Lincoln while they had been in the car, and he had left immediately after hearing the news. He spotted them and ran to them, fear evident on his face when he saw them holding each other.  
  
“Please not, don't, don't tell me she...” he asked, his voice catching in his throat.  
  
They both shook their heads furiously, needing to stop that train of thought for all of them.  
  
“No, no she's alright,” Clarke answered, stepping back as Octavia flung herself at her big brother, latching her arms around him. “She's in surgery right now, and she's, she's gonna be fine.”  
  
Bellamy just nodded and then held on to Octavia, wrapping one arm around her back and resting his other hand on the back of her head. He whispered comforting words to his little sister, who nodded into his chest even though her tears were already starting to cause a wet stain to appear on his shirt, and watching them Clarke suddenly wished she had someone to hold her. She was shaking, her mouth dry, and images of car accidents kept flashing through her head. She kept imagining the scene over and over, each time adding more horrific detail to the entire event, and she just wished she could turn her brain off. Suddenly she felt two sets of arms wrap around her, and she looked to her mother and her father, both now holding her and supporting her exactly when she needed it. She closed her eyes, allowing herself to sink in to the warmth of their hold, and allowed her own tears to fall. Raven was going to be okay, Raven was going to be okay, Raven was going to be okay... But what if she wasn't?  
  
They remained in that waiting room for hours. Lincoln arrived not long after Bellamy, and then they all waited together. The time ticked by, every second passing as though it was wrapped in molasses. Finally, _finally_ , when Clarke wasn't sure she could wait anymore without going crazy, she saw Jackson walk into the room. He saw her mother and walked over to the group, nodding to them all. They all turned to him expectantly as he approached them, each one holding their breath.  
  
“We were able to remove the foreign object that was pressing against the spine,” he informed the group when he finally reached them. “With the object's removal, we were able to repair some of the damage done, but not all of it, I'm afraid.”  
  
“What does that mean, Jackson?” Abby asked, her tone strong but unable to hide all of her worry.  
  
He looked at her as he answered, “She seems to have full function of her right leg once again, but she is still unable to move her left leg at all. However, we believe that eventually, with a brace, crutches, and physical therapy, she will be able to walk again.” He looked at Clarke and the others and smiled at them, telling them, “All in all, I would say your friend is extremely lucky.”  
  
Clarke heard Octavia let out a long breath in relief, but Clarke couldn't do that until she saw her friend.  
  
“Can we visit her?” she asked, and he turned his look to her before eying the whole group.  
  
“She can have a couple of visitors, but not everyone at once, and not for very long,” he replied, “She's been through a lot and really needs to get some rest, but you can go in for a couple of minutes. Just three of you at a time, please.”  
  
“You three go,” Lincoln said to Octavia, Bellamy and Clarke, “Tell her that we are here for her.”  
  
They nodded, and then followed Jackson out of the waiting room and down the hall. Finally they got to a room and Jackson opened the door and ushered them in, reminding them, “Remember, just a couple of minutes.”  
  
He closed the door behind them, and then they were finally able to see their friend. Raven was laying in a long white hospital bed and they could see a number of bandages on her arms and a couple on her head. She was awake when they entered, and she forced a smile at them.  
  
“You guys didn't have to come,” she croaked, and then started coughing.  
  
Octavia ran to a pitcher next to her bed and poured some water into a paper cup sitting next to it.  
  
“Shh,” she said, “Take it easy. Drink,” and she handed Raven the cup, who happily gulped down its contents.  
  
“And don't be an idiot,” Clarke added, moving to stand at the side of the bed, “Of course we came.”  
  
“Hm, gotta admit, I'm kinda happy to see you guys,” Raven whispered, trying to act tough, but then she closed her eyes and they saw tears fall down her cheeks. Opening them back up, she looked up at them and whispered, “My leg...”  
  
“Is going to be fine,” Clarke continued for her, gently taking the brunette's hand in her own, “It's going to be fine, and more importantly, you're okay. Everything's going to be okay.”  
  
“Yeah, before you know it, you'll be up and kicking all our butts in no time,” Octavia added, giving her a small smile which caused Raven to smile, even if it was a watery one.  
  
“I don't think I'll be doing any kicking for a while,” she replied, looking down at the leg that she had been trying to move ever since the doctors left her alone. So far she hadn't even been able to wiggle a toe.  
  
“Sure you will,” Bellamy told her, taking her other hand, “You'll be up on your feet soon and running circles around all of us. You're too stubborn to let a little thing like this slow you down.”  
  
She let out a small laugh and gripped both of their hands, needing to feel them with her. Octavia sat slightly on the bed next to her, careful not to bump her at all, and looked at her with her own wet gaze.  
  
“God Raven, you scared us so much,” she murmured, and Raven could see that fear reflecting at her from all of them. The lump in her throat grew and her tears started again as she quietly admitted, “I was scared too. Just... Terrified. Absolutely terrified. I didn't... I didn't want to die alone.”  
  
She felt Clarke grip her hand tighter and turned to the blonde. There was a fierceness in those blue eyes, a fierceness that mixed with the fear still floating there, and she heard the absolute truth in her tone as she informed her, “You're never alone, Raven. Never. We're always here for you.”  
  
Octavia and Bellamy nodded, and after a moment Raven nodded too. They were always there for each other, all four of them. No matter what. Even if one of them did something stupid, or left for a long time, or anything, they would always have each other. This was just proof of that absolute fact.  


***

  
Clarke was not expecting Jaime to come along. A new relationship, especially a romantic one, was not what she needed, nor really was it what she wanted. She was almost done with her Junior year of college, which meant she was almost done with her undergraduate career, and the last thing she needed was another person she needed to factor in to her life. But, as always, life didn't seem to care what she wanted, and suddenly Jaime was in hers.  
  
In reality, he had been in hers for a while now. He was also a Junior, and also a pre-med student, so they had been taking classes together for almost three years now, but they had never really interacted more than just the bare minimum that is required for you to interact with your peers who are in the same major as you. But then they were in organic chemistry together, and were assigned as partners for a project that would take pretty much the remainder of the semester to complete, and life just took over.  
  
It took about three weeks of working together for Clarke to realize that the weird feeling she got in her stomach every time they planned to meet up was butterflies, and her immediate thought at that realization was simply: _oh no_. It then took exactly four days after that for Octavia to realize that Clarke was attracted to her chem partner, and once she realized it, Clarke knew she was screwed.  
  
Over the past year or so, Clarke had gone out on a few dates, but never anything that had been serious, and very seldom had she actually felt any attraction for the other person. Most of the dates had been because her friends told her she needed to get out more, and so they had set her up to either be their wing-woman or some form of double date. She could count on one hand how many of those dates had resulted in a second date, and then if she chopped off her thumb, pinky and pointer finger, she'd be able to count on the same hand how many had moved on to a third. All in all, she really hadn't been looking for romance, partially because of her busy schedule, and partially due to the ex who still lived on the other side of the country. But now Junior year was almost over, she and Lexa had still only ever talked on Christmas (this year it was her turn once again to call Lexa, and she did, and once again they had another simple, short conversation which kept them in each other's lives), and Jaime was smart, funny, and _very_ attractive.  
  
So when he finally asked her out on a date (she seriously wondered if Octavia had something to do with it, since he asked her out exactly thirty-six hours after she had found out about Clarke's crush), she said yes. She said yes, and when they went out, she had fun. Like, a lot of fun. Like, the kind of fun she hadn't had on a date in years. They went to a casual restaurant where he paid and made her laugh with his jokes and they talked about the most random things. And then he took her to an art museum near campus (actually, he took her to her _favorite_ art museum near campus, which she had never mentioned to him, so that kind of seemed to be a sign right there), and he listened to her ramble on about the different pieces in the museum and which were her favorites and why they were her favorites, never once showing a hint of boredom (Octavia _always_ looked bored when Clarke dragged her to the museum, but then, Clarke supposed that Octavia was never trying to impress her on their first date, so that wasn't really a fair comparison). Afterwards he brought her back to her dorm, dropping her off at the front door, never once hinting at trying to go in with her, or that she should go back to his dorm with him (most of her previous dates had, and that had pretty much turned her off to them right there). Instead he just leaned forward and kissed her goodnight, his hands cupping the back of her head and neck. She let him, and even sunk in to the kiss a little, feeling a small spark she hadn't felt in a very, very long time. When he pulled back, she almost reached out to pull him in for another kiss, but stopped herself, and instead smiled at him, and when he suggested they “do this again sometime,” she just nodded.  
  
And that was it. It all happened so seamlessly that Clarke just hadn't been able to see it coming. Jaime had become part of her life, and would remain a part of her life for quite some time...  


  


***

  


  
_Senior Year_ : Year Four

  


  
“Jaime, come on, help me with this, would you? You're still young and rugged,” Jake joked, trying to pull out what was apparently a very heavy present from behind the tree.  
  
Jaime laughed and then stood up, unwrapping his arm from around Clarke's shoulders, and made his way over to where Jake stood. Together they lifted the heavy gift, and shuffled it over to Abby, whose eyebrows lifted as the gift was set down before her.  
  
Clarke smiled at the picture before her. Jaime looked good, standing next to her father, her father clapping him on the back and her mother smiling up at him. He fit, she thought, fit in the picture with the Griffin family. She wondered if she had fit in with his family as well as this yesterday.  
  
It was Christmas time, and since they had been dating for almost nine months, Clarke and Jaime had decided they needed to spend their first Christmas together actually together, rather than separated, so they had decided to split the time up. They had gone to his family for Christmas Eve, and Clarke had loved seeing the difference between his Christmas celebrations (with three sisters, a brother, two brother-in-laws and two nephews, his Christmases at his mother's house were much rowdier than her own. How his mother managed to single-handedly feed that many people she really didn't know) and her own, with just her mother and father. But both scenarios had felt good to her: she had felt comfortable among his family, laughing along with his siblings, getting spoiled by his mother, and playing games with his nephews, just as he seemed to be comfortable here with hers. It was a good feeling, knowing that they fit into each other's families, and gave her hope for their future, even if it was a little too early in the relationship to really be worrying about that.  
  
Her musings were cut off when she heard her phone ring next to her, and she jumped a bit, startled back into the present. She looked at the phone, and smiled, grabbing it, and then got up. As she left the room to head to the bathroom, she saw Jaime send her a curious look, and she just smiled at him, causing him to smile back.  
  
Closing the door behind her after entering the bathroom, she finally answered the still ringing phone.  
  
“Hey,” she said in greeting, smiling, “Merry Christmas!”  
  
“Merry Christmas, Clarke,” she heard Lexa say on the other end of the line, “I hope you're having a happy holiday."  
  
“I am,” Clarke informed her, still smiling, “I hope you are too. Did your father visit you again? What's the Christmas feast this year?”  
  
“My father tried to make your mother's rolls this year,” the other girl informed her, “He does not make them as well as Abby does.”  
  
Clarke laughed as she said, “Oh no, Gustus. How many did he burn?”  
  
“I managed to save about half a dozen. The rest were lost causes, I'm afraid,” Lexa replied, and Clarke could hear the smile in her voice.  
  
“Well I'm glad you were able to save some of them, at least,” Clarke told her, but before she was able to say anything else, she heard Jaime call from the living room, “Claaaarke! If you don't get back in the next minute, I'm opening your presents without you!” She rolled her eyes, the smile on her face growing. He could be such a child sometimes. Turning her attention back to Lexa, she said, “I gotta go, Lexa, but I'm really glad you called. It was great to hear your voice again. And...” she trailed off for a second, unsure if she should say this, but decided to plow through it. “And, thanks. For everything. For knowing... Knowing that we had to break up when you left. It took me about four years, but I finally understand why you did it. You just wanted me to be able to have a full life and that's... that's incredible. You're amazing Lexa, and the Marines have no idea how lucky they're going to be to have you. Stay safe, okay?”  
  
There was the slightest of pauses from the other end of the line, and then she heard Lexa say, “I will do my best, Clarke. I am glad that you sound so happy, and that you understand. Merry Christmas, and Happy New Year. Good luck with your final semester before med-school. I know you will do amazing things as well.”  
  
Clarke smiled softly. She missed Lexa less than she had that first year, but that didn't mean she had stopped missing her altogether. She had always known exactly what Clarke needed to hear. Knowing that Lexa believed in her helped her to believe in herself, even if she had been terrified of graduation for almost four months now. Lexa believed that she could do it, so she must be able to do it.  
  
“Thanks Lexa. Merry Christmas and Happy New Years to you too,” she replied, and then after a moment of listening to the silence that was Lexa, she hung up. For a short time, she just stood there, her heart aching ever so slightly for the girl who had left her almost four years ago, but then she heard Jaime's laugh from the living room, and her smile grew again. She still missed Lexa, even still loved her, yes, but she wasn't alone, and had someone new in her life to love, who she knew loved her as well.  


***

  


  
Lexa stood on the sidewalk, staring at the house across the street, her phone held up to her ear for a moment longer after she heard the beep of the other line going dead. Finally she hung up her own phone and slipped it back into her pocket, but she couldn't take her gaze away from the house in front of her quite yet. At one time in her life, she had known that house almost as well as her own. She had known those front steps and that front door, had even known the Christmas decorations that were scattered out in the small front lawn. She had known that driveway, but now something was not right. She knew two of the cars in that driveway: the third she did not.  
  
Lincoln had told her about him months ago. Not in detail, no, but that he existed. Since then she had considered asking him for more information about this stranger, but had decided against it. This was Clarke's life, and she could do with it what she pleased.  
  
On some level, Lexa was happy for Clarke. She wanted the blonde to be happy always, and if this guy made her happy, then good, nothing was wrong.  
  
Except that it felt wrong. It felt wrong to be standing on the sidewalk across the street while this unknown person sat inside that house that she knew so well, with the family that she loved so much. It felt wrong to not be sitting next to the blonde, watching her blue eyes glow as each gift was unwrapped. It all just felt wrong.  
  
But this had all been Lexa's decision, and so she shoved that wrongness away, forced it down until she couldn't feel it anymore. She packed it away, just as she had done with any and all emotions that stood in her way of doing what she needed to do, and then with one last look at the house that still felt like a home to her, she turned away, and began the long walk back to her own house where her father was waiting for her so they could have their own holiday celebration.  



	16. Chapter 16

_Five and a half years_

As Fio sat in front of the Captain, he kept looking back and forth from the taller man's eyes to his shoulder, not sure whether it was more respectful to make eye contact with him or to not. He'd been in training for almost eight months now, and had realized that some officers preferred it, and others thought it disrespectful. Captain Rivo gave off no hint of which kind of man he was as he looked over the Private First Class's file, so he could do nothing but let his eyes flicker from one spot to the other.  
  
The Captain must have been able to notice his discomfort, because suddenly and without looking up from the file, the man boomed, “Relax, PFC. I'm not going to bite your head off.”  
  
Fio jumped at the sound of his voice, but then nodded, telling him, “Sorry Captain.”  
  
The dark man didn't say anything else, simply kept reading over his file. Fio began to wonder how much could be in there, when the other man finally looked up, meeting his eyes. Fio nearly looked away, but then forced his eyes to stay where they were. He didn't need his new Captain to think he could be intimidated by eye contact (even if he could be).  
  
The Captain tossed the file on the desk in front of him, pointing to it while he said, “Sergeant Atohl seems to think a lot of you, Private First Class Fio. His file on you is filled with more than one recommendation of where you might fit here now that you are out of training and ready to move into the battle zone.”  
  
Fio almost grinned, but held it back just in time. Sergeant Atohl certainly hadn't thought that when he first enlisted eight months ago. He'd looked at the twenty-five year old and just shook his head, muttering about how there needed to be a better screening system to become a Marine. But Fio had worked hard at every assignment the Sergeant had given him, quickly sending him to the top of his training team. Now, eight months later, he was finally out of training and ready to get into the real action. That was why he'd decided to become a Marine, after all, not to be yelled at by some guy while running in circles or doing push ups and the bare basics of hand-to-hand combat. No, Fio was definitely ready to be out of training, and to get on to the good stuff. He just... didn't entirely know what “the good stuff” meant yet. With any luck, the Captain was about to tell him.  
  
Rivo looked at the young man sitting on the other side of his desk and thought about all of the things he had just read in the file. This young man had, according to the Sergeant, excelled at every obstacle set before him. He was an excellent gunman, a fast runner, even with all of the heavy equipment a Marine must wear, and more than that, he was able to move quietly, something many Marines seemed to find impossible. He took orders well, if Atohl's notes were anything to go by, and was eager to become more than what he currently was. All of this was very important if he was going to succeed on the team that Rivo planned to put him on.  
  
The Captain leaned back in his chair and folded his hands in front of him, and he noticed the other man shift slightly, probably having a hard time holding in his questions, mainly that of, “Where do you want me?” and “What am I going to be doing?”  
  
“Private First Class Fio,” the Captain began, “You know why we are here. Why we have all chosen to leave our homes and come to fight this fight.”  
  
Fio nodded, his jaw tightening before he replied, “Yes Captain. We're here because of the Reapers.”  
  
The Reapers were crazy, almost animalistic people who no longer belonged to any society. They had been terrorizing towns and cities mostly on the border of the country for years. They were fast and hit hard, and too often by the time help arrived to the attacked town, most of them would have fled and left destruction in their wake. They didn't attack regularly and never stayed in one place, so tracking them down was nearly impossible. Because they didn't belong to any society, the country wasn't technically at war with them, but they were the reason why many Marine encampments were set up all along the border of the country. Here, on the edge of a dense forest where it was all too easy for an enemy to sneak into the country and attack the helpless, a military base was not only necessary, it was required. Fio had no doubt that wherever the Captain put him, he would see action. The thought both thrilled and terrified him.  
  
The Captain nodded.  
  
“Yes, the Reapers,” he agreed, his eyes hardening just at the thought of them. “They are our enemies, and a threat to our country. But they are not the soldiers that our Marines used to be trained to fight. These people are wild, and have no concept of the idea of honor or order. When they attack, it is not because they believe in some cause that contradicts our own: they attack for the sheer pleasure of the kill. They enjoy destruction, chaos. It is our job to stop them. We face these monsters so that our loved ones will never have to.”  
  
Fio thought about his family, his fists clenching at the idea of these monsters ever getting anywhere near them. Never. It would never happen. Not as long as he had breath in his lungs would he ever allow that to happen.  
  
The Captain looked at him, reading his body language, a skill he had become quite adept at after nine years of leading others. He liked what he saw in the younger man, even if he was still green. He believed the PFC would do well with his assignment.  
  
Rivo leaned forward, bracing his clasped hands on his desk and then once again pointed to the file on the desk between them.  
  
“This file tells me a lot about you, Marine,” he stated, “But paper can only tell a man so much. That being said, I trust Sergeant Atohl, and when he says someone's worth keeping their eye on, I listen to him. Which is why I'm assigning you to a special unit that we have here at this base. It's a unit designed only for those with a very special skill set, which I believe you may have. The work that you will do will be hard and dangerous, but it will be extremely rewarding for you, I think, and you will very much enjoy it.” He let his words register with the younger man, seeing the excitement on his face even as he tried to hide it. In some ways, the twenty-five year old reminded Rivo of himself when he had finally graduated college and officially become an officer. “I'm assigning you to the Grounders, a unit designed specifically to track down the Reapers. It's a relatively new unit. Small. Reapers, as you know, move fast, so once they run after striking a town, it's often times hard to track them down with the full companies most Marine units are comprised of. Instead, we've built the Grounders, special Marines who have skills specially designed for tracking and fighting in small numbers. Right now there are eight members of the unit: you will be the ninth. The unit is led by Second Lieutenant Woods.”  
  
Fio's mind was reeling. He'd heard rumors about the Grounders, but had never believed they were true. Now, here he was being placed in the unit to beat all units. He kinda wanted to hug the Captain, he was so excited, but he restrained himself: that would probably just get him into trouble. So instead he just bit the inside of his lip, trying to stop the face-splitting smile that wanted to break out at the moment.  
  
“Th-thank you, Captain,” he finally stammered, “It will be an honor to be a Grounder.”  
  
The older man nodded, telling him, “It will be.” He then stood up, moving to the other side of his desk, and Fio hastily stood up as well. “Now then, I know you are new to our base, so you should go to your bunk and get yourself situated, and then I think the cooks will have dinner ready for us all. You've got this brief time to relax and get used to how things work around here, but don't get used to it. You'll work your ass off while here, and with any luck won't lose any limbs. After dinner I will introduce you to Lieutenant Woods. Until then, dismissed Marine.”  
  
Fio nodded and saluted quickly, and then turned to leave the tent as the Captain moved back to his chair and sat down. Just before the young man could leave the tent, however, the Captain called out, “Oh, and Marine?”  
  
Fio turned around immediately, saluting once more and waiting for another order.  
  
“Welcome to Polis.”  
  
Not expecting that, Fio just nodded his head quickly before turning around again and exiting the tent. Once safely outside, he let out the long breath he had been holding. He really didn't know what to make of the Captain. Part of him hoped he wouldn't have to spend too much time with the intimidating man.  
  
He headed back to the edge of the base where the bunkers were set up, nearly getting lost but finding his way in the end, and then getting lost in the rows of bunk beds set up in long lines in the giant tents. Finally he found the bunk he had been shown to when he first arrived with his duffel bag still sitting neatly on the bunk. He pushed it to the side and sat down, needing to collect his thoughts.  
  
He'd been sitting there for a few minutes when a man suddenly appeared at the corner of his vision. He looked up, startled, and saw the man giving him a look. He was a big man, though not as big as the Captain had been, with relatively neatly trimmed facial hair, and a scar underneath his left eye that made him look tough, as did the scowl on his face.  
  
“You must be new,” the man said gruffly, and then suddenly grinned, holding out his hand. “The name's Quint.”  
  
Fio stood up, accepting the hand and giving it a good shake.  
  
“I am. Fio,” he replied, returning the grin.  
  
“Well come on Fio, let me show you to the mess, you look like you're hungry and I know I sure as hell am,” Quint told him, and Fio followed him as he started to walk away.  
  
Fio followed him across the base to the long building that smelled delicious (“Why they had to put the food so far from the bunks I don't get,” Quint mumbled at one point, and Fio had to silently agree). The two men made their way to the line that had already formed, and helped themselves to a little bit of everything being offered, and then found a table and sat down. Taking a big bite out of his roll, Quint asked as he sat, “So where were you before this, Fio?”  
  
Fio pierced a chunk of the beef on his plate and popped it into his mouth before he replied, “Training, actually. This is my first assignment.”  
  
The other man nodded, saying, “Not bad. What're ya gonna be doing?”  
  
Fio grinned before telling him proudly, “The Captain's assigned me to the Grounders.”  
  
“No shit,” Quint laughed roughly, “I'm a Grounder.”  
  
Fio's eyes widened, leaning forward as he asked, “Really? What's it like?”  
  
The other man shrugged, chewing on a large piece of beef.  
  
“It's good,” he finally admitted, “Keeps ya busy. Not a bad team, either.” He then scowled and added, “Cept for the one they got running it.”  
  
Fio frowned before he asked, “Really? What's wrong with Lieutenant... what's it, Woods? What's so bad about'im?”  
  
Quint scoffed, “Well that's just it, the Lieutenant ain't a 'him' at all. She's a she.” He sneered then, saying, “Second Lieutenant Alexandria Woods. She was basically straight outta school when they put 'er on the team. She doesn't deserve to be a Grounder, doesn't know the first thing about how to lead anyone, and yet, here she is, leading basically the most exclusive team the Marines have. And it ain't hard to figure out how she got the job.” He looked around, making sure no one was close enough to hear him, and then leaned forward, closer to Fio, who in turn leaned in as well. “She's probably sleeping with the Captain,” he murmured, a disgusted look on his face, “Spreading her legs so that she can get the best job.”  
  
Fio clenched his fists, disgusted. He'd had to work hard to get where he was, training for hours on end for eight months to get placed at Polis and on this amazing unit. And yet here was this woman who could just waltz in and spread her legs, and she was just handed a great position? It made him sick.  
  
He shook his head, not wanting to think about it. Instead he tried to change the topic, asking Quint, “Alright, well who else is on the team?”  
  
“Well, there's Tristan,” he replied, nodding towards a man at the back of the room who Fio had to turn around to see, “And Echo, she's the brunette over there by the wall.” His tone regarding her told Fio what the other man thought about her, too. He then listed off a few other names, pointing a couple of them out in the room. Finally he looked two tables over and scowled again, saying, “And finally, that's Ryder. He was the first Grounder, other than the Lieutenant. He's been with her the longest. Don't ever say anything bad bout 'er in front of him: he worships her. Ya ask me, I think she's sleepin' with him too.”  
  
Fio just shook his head, glaring while Quint nodded. A moment later something caught Quint's eye over Fio's head, and he mumbled, “Speakin' of the slut.”  
  
Fio frowned and then turned around to see what he meant, and he saw Captain Rivo walking towards the table, a young woman walking beside him. He noticed that while the Captain remained unarmed as he had been while talking to him earlier, the woman had a sword strapped to her side, one hand resting on its hilt casually. He wondered if she expected an attack right there in the middle of the base, and if so, why she bothered with a sword when it would be easier to carry a gun. Really, what year did she think it was? He didn't let any of those thoughts register on his face though. Instead, he jumped up, saluting the Captain as soon as he realized they were coming over to him, but Quint just remained in his seat, slurping up some noodles noisily. The Captain and woman stopped at their table, and Fio noticed the Captain's eyes flicker to Quint, the corners of his mouth pulling down in an almost unnoticeable frown. The woman, however, continued to stare at Fio, her neutral expression never wavering.  
  
“Captain,” Fio said in greeting, holding his hand up in the salute.  
  
“At ease, Marine,” the Captain told him, and he dropped his hand to the side, though his muscles remained stiff. He didn't think anyone was ever “at ease” when speaking with a higher-ranking officer. “I'm just here to introduce you to your new leader. Private First Class Fio, this is Second Lieutenant Alexandria Woods.”  
  
“Lieutenant Woods,” he said, a little stiffly. He was fairly sure in the way the Captain looked at him he had noticed. She, however, made no change in her stance or facial expression, so he assumed she hadn't noticed. Which was just great because that meant she had absolutely no talent for picking up on things. This woman was clearly going to get him killed.  
  
“Private First Class Fio,” she replied evenly, nodding to him once, “Welcome to Polis, and more importantly, welcome to the Grounders. Expect to work hard here: to put it simply, you will work hard, or you will no longer be in my unit. That is the only warning you will ever receive. Now, finish your meal, and rest tonight. You will need it: tomorrow we train.”  
  
“It's what we always do,” he heard Quint add, his tone hard, and Fio's eyes widened. His new friend apparently had a knack for putting his foot in his mouth, and inserting himself into conversations he should probably just remain quiet for. That did not bode well for Fio.  
  
The Lieutenant, however, did not even look at the other man, though the Captain did tense his jaw.  
  
“Lance Corporal Quint is correct,” she informed Fio, her face still as straight and her grip on her sword just as relaxed as when she walked over to them, “Much of our time is spent training. It is how we stay alive when we go out on mission. Now then, if you will excuse me, I have work I must do. As you were.” With just another nod and not one single glance at Quint, she turned around, the Captain following along behind her.  
  
“Cold bitch,” he heard Quint mutter as he sat back down at the table, and Fio couldn't help but agree. Sure, the woman was beautiful, even hot, but she had to have a heart of ice. He wondered what it was the Captain saw in her, because unless she became a whole other person under the covers, she couldn't be a fun lay. And as much as Fio was excited to be a Grounder, having to take orders from her was going to be a challenge.  


***

_Two Months Later_

Clarke sat in the coffee shop, sipping on her latte while she mentally reviewed for her test she had coming up next week. _Vessels in the leg: accessory saphenous vein, femoral artery, anterior femoral curtaneous vein, great saphenous vein, sciatic nerve, deep femoral vein, tibial nerve, deep peroneal nerve, peroneal artery..._  
  
She was happily pulled from her thoughts when she heard the bell above the door ring, and the next moment a pair of arms were squeezing her tightly.  
  
“Clarke! God, it's been way too long since I've seen you! Shit, did you shrink, or did I grow?” Octavia exclaimed, making Clarke laugh as the brunette shook her in her excitement. She turned in the grasp and hugged the other girl just as tightly.  
  
It had been two months since she'd seen her best friend; after graduation, Clarke had moved three hours away to go to med school with Jaime, and Octavia had gone back home, renting an apartment with Lincoln. Lincoln had managed to get a teaching job at their old high school, so for the moment they were staying put, but Octavia looked forward to the day when either Clarke moved back home or she could move closer to her. Two months was just way too much time to go without seeing her best friend. Clarke felt the same way, and she could tell because the blonde still hadn't let her go (not that she'd tried to stop hugging Clarke yet either). However, Clarke's school had a long weekend, so she had decided to come back home for the couple of days, much to Octavia's delight (she might have pushed for it when Clarke had offhandedly mentioned the long weekend while they were talking on the phone a couple of weeks ago).  
  
“It has been too long, I agree, but I definitely did not shrink, and you definitely did not grow, O,” Clarke informed her, a large grin on her face, “You stopped growing years ago, and I'm not old enough to start shrinking yet, thank you very much.”  
  
“Look at you putting all your fancy med school knowledge to work!” Octavia joked, finally pulling back, “I knew going to yet another school would be good for you.” She winked when she finished, causing Clarke to roll her eyes.  
  
“Believe me O, you don't want to know what I've been studying at school,” she assured her friend, “I think all the Latin would give you a serious headache. Or at least it gives _me_ a serious headache.”  
  
Octavia laughed as she stepped back and moved to sit at the table across from the other girl.  
  
“Poor Clarke!” she exclaimed, mock worry in her voice, “And I bet Jaime doesn't even know what kind of tea you like when you've got one of your study headaches.” She paused a moment for dramatic affect, and then continued, “The answer is peppermint, by the way.” She sighed dramatically. “Nope, I bet you are sorely missing your _real_ roommate. Jaime is nice and all, but he isn't me.”  
  
Clarke chuckled and shook her head, replying, “No O, Jaime definitely isn't you. I like living with him and it's working out and all, but I do miss living with my best friend at the same time.”  
  
“I know, cause I'm just so awesome,” the brunette replied, waving her hand as though it were obvious.  
  
Clarke raised her eyebrows before she asked, “And what about you and Lincoln? Does he make you miss living with me?”  
  
Octavia grinned, the usual love-struck expression lighting her face at the mention of her tall dark and handsome man.  
  
“Living with Lincoln is _wonderful_ ,” she sighed, ignoring the blonde's second question until Clarke cleared her throat pointedly and gave her a look. “But he isn't you, of course,” she added quickly, “Love him, but miss you. You know?”  
  
Clarke smiled knowingly and just nodded, thinking about living with Jaime.  
  
“Yeah, I know,” she answered, and they both just shared a smile for a moment.  
  
After that moment, however, the love-struck expression left Octavia's face, and Clarke watched her shift nervously in her chair and start playing with the ends of her hair with her right hand. She knew those signs: those were Octavia's “I have something to say but don't really know how to broach the topic” signs. Clarke just raised her eyebrows again.  
  
“Yes Octavia, is there something you wanted to say?” she finally asked, seeing that the other girl needed to be prompted.  
  
She grinned sheepishly and folded her hands into her lap, knowing what had given her away. Clarke really did know her too well. She guessed that's what came from living with someone for four years and then being friends for eight years before that.  
  
“Well, actually, yeah, speaking of Lincoln, there is something I wanted to tell you,” she began nervously, “It's uh, well, kinda the reason why I wanted you to come home this weekend, because I've been dying to tell you this for like, three weeks now, but I really wanted to tell you in person and not over the phone, so I'm really glad you were able to come home because I don't know how much longer I could have waited-”  
  
“Octavia, what is it?” Clarke finally cut in, stopping the endless nervous chatter.  
  
Octavia paused for a moment, and then one of the largest smiles Clarke had ever seen broke out across her face.  
  
“Lincoln asked me to marry him!” she finally squealed, removing her left hand from her lap and holding it out on the table between them. Sure enough, her ring finger now had a small diamond ring on it, shining in the light of the coffee shop. Clarke had no idea how she missed it before, but she saw it now and she squealed in return, jumping up from her seat and flying over to the other girl, enveloping her in another tight hug.  
  
“Oh my god O, this is amazing!” she exclaimed, “I mean, it's about time, we all expected it at any time, but oh my god!”  
  
Octavia laughed even as the few other customers in the shop gave them very odd looks.  
  
“I know I know, we've been talking about it for years now, you know, of the possible 'some day,' but we both wanted to graduate from college first, and then Lincoln got his job and had to get settled into that, but now we're ready and he asked and I said hell yes!”  
  
“I'm sure that is exactly what you said,” Clarke laughed, finally stepping back and sitting in the seat right next to the girl rather than going back to sit across from her. “And O, I am so, so happy for you.”  
  
“That's good, because now that you know, I actually have a question for you,” the brunette said, and upon Clarke raising her eyebrow, she asked, “Would you be my maid-of-honor? Well, co-maid-of-honor, with Raven?”  
  
Clarke had to physically stop herself from either squealing or getting up and hugging the other girl again. Instead she took the hand that was still lying on the table, holding it tightly.  
  
“I would be incredibly honored to be your co-maid-of honor, O,” she told her, her voice wavering just a little with her emotions. The same emotions were written all over Octavia's face as well, her eyes a little more damp than usual.  
  
“Thanks Clarke,” she finally replied, “You have no idea what that means to me.”  
  
The two sat in an emotional silence for a minute, until Clarke looked at the table, noticing that Octavia hadn't gotten anything to drink. “You want a latte? I'll get you a celebratory latte,” she said, making Octavia laugh as she got up and headed to the counter. She didn't have to ask the girl what she wanted because after more than four years, she knew Octavia's orders just as well as Octavia knew hers.  
  
When she got back, she slid the latte on the table in front of the brunette, who was staring down at the ring on her finger. She looked up only when the latte suddenly entered her vision.  
  
“Thanks,” she said, and took a sip of the hot liquid. She hummed in delight, and put the cup back on the table. Looking up, she cleared her throat, then told Clarke, “There's uh, there's one more thing I need to ask you.”  
  
“Yes, I will be the godmother of your unborn children,” Clarke informed her, her eyes twinkling.  
  
Octavia rolled her eyes, telling her, “Not what I was gonna ask, but good to know. No, what I was going to ask is... Well...,” she sighed as she trailed off, and then just asked, “Would you mind if we ask Lexa to be in the wedding party too?”  
  
Clarke's eyes widened in surprise, having not expected that at all.  
  
“Lexa?” she asked, more out of shock than anything else.  
  
“Yeah, Lexa,” the brunette replied hesitatingly, “Lincoln and I were talking about who we want in the wedding party, and, well, she's kind of basically his sister, and I mean, she's my friend too and I miss her, and it would just be really nice to have her there. I know there's a good chance she won't be able to do it even if you're okay with it, cause of the Marines, and I don't know how easy it is to take some time off with them, but the wedding isn't for almost a year, so we were thinking, you know, that gives her plenty of time to find out, and if she can be there, then we want her to. But not,” she added quickly, “Not if you're uncomfortable with it! Not if it'll... cause problems...”  
  
“You mean not if it'll make me go off the deep end again,” Clarke said bluntly as she stared at the wall, knowing that Octavia was thinking about Freshmen year.  
  
“Yeah, exactly,” Octavia replied, “If it'll bring Dark Day Clarke back, then I'd rather not worry about it, you know? But if not...”  
  
“You should ask her,” the blonde blurted out, still looking at the wall and not Octavia. “It's your wedding, and you should have whoever you want there. So ask her.”  
  
“Are you sure?” the brunette asked, scanning Clarke's face. “I really don't want it to cause any problems, and if it will-”  
  
“It won't O,” Clarke told her, finally looking at her again, giving her only a slighty forced smile. “I've got Jaime now, I know where my life is going. I was lost back then, but I'm not anymore and... and honestly, I miss her too. It would be nice to see her again, I think.” It was Octavia's turn to raise her eyebrow at Clarke, and Clarke's turn to roll her eyes. “I promise O: I will not break down again, and you should ask her to be in your wedding party.”  
  
For another moment Octavia looked skeptical, but what she read in Clarke's eyes must have convinced her, because finally she gave in.  
  
“Well okay, if you say so,” she replied, and then grinned, adding, “It'll kind of be cool. It'll be the first time we've all been back together since before college.”  
  
“And we'll all be there to pay attention to you,” Clarke teased, matching Octavia's grin.  
  
The brunette nodding, saying, “Well yeah, as it should be.”  
  
Clarke just laughed, shaking her head, before she asked, “Alright your majesty, what's the date of this wedding, anyway?”  
  
Octavia smiled, telling her, “September 13th.”  
  
“September 13th, got it,” the blonde replied, locking the date away in her memory.  
  
The two girls sat there for another hour, talking wedding details, but the entire time Clarke kept trying to ignore the thought that kept repeating itself in the back of her mind. September 13th: possibly the first time she would see Lexa in almost six years. Was she ready?  


 

***

_One Month Later_

_I am aware that this is a large favor to ask you. You have a lot going on, and are busy fighting an almost war, but it would really mean a lot to both of us if you could make it. Talk to your Captain, just see what he says. If you can't make it, we will understand, but if it is at all possible, we want you there. We all miss you.  
  
Oh, and if you can make it, don't worry about ordering a suit: just get us your measurements and we'll take care of that for you.  
  
Thanks, and let me know what you find out. We really do miss you. _  


She had the letter memorized by this point, and so was reciting it from her memory while she watched Captain Rivo study her. She'd gotten it yesterday and spent the night thinking about it, about what it would mean to go home, even just briefly, and had decided to bring it up to the Captain. She wasn't sure what to expect: she knew people were able to go home on leave for a few days every now and then, but she didn't know if weddings counted as a good enough reason. Still, Lincoln was right, she could at least try. He and Octavia were friends, two of the only ones she still talked to (other than Anya), however infrequent those communications were, and she was happy to hear of their engagement. Not only that, but she missed them. She had seen Lincoln briefly while she had actually been home for Winter Break her senior year of college, but that had been it in five and a half years, and she hadn't seen Octavia even once in that time. The reason to that of course being the certain blonde that neither of them mentioned whenever they did talk, but whom Lexa wondered was counted in the “we” of “ _we all miss you_.”  
  
“Well Lieutenant, I don't see why we can't make this work,” Captain Rivo finally said, to Lexa's honest surprise. She really hadn't expected it to be that easy.  
  
“Captain, are you positive?” she asked, frowning.  
  
“I am,” he replied, nodding. “You've been here for a year and a half, Lieutenant, and never asked for anything. Frankly, I'm a little surprised you're asking for this. Not because you don't deserve it, but because you aren't the kind of person to ask for things.”  
  
Lexa shrugged slightly.  
  
“They are my friends,” she gave as an answer, “I have not seen them in some time, and it will be good to see them again. And it is an honor to be asked to be in the wedding party.”  
  
The Captain smiled, something he did not do much around most of the Marines, but Lexa had found he smiled easily when it was just her. She wasn't sure still how she felt about that.  
  
“It is,” he agreed, “And that is another reason I'm allowing it. A Marine should never let down their friends.” He frowned for a moment, thinking, and then continued, “Unfortunately, I will not be able to give you much time. You are needed here, and the longer you're away, the more work you'll have to do when you get back, and frankly I don't trust anyone else with the Grounders. So how does... five days sound? You can fly home two days before the wedding and then have one day after before returning. Or however it works best for you. Yes?”  
  
Lexa nodded, her face neutral even though her heart had picked up its pace.  
  
“Yes, I believe that should work quite well,” she replied, “Thank you, sir.”  
  
“Of course,” he told her, and then leaned back in his chair. “Now tell me Lieutenant, how are the Grounders doing?”  
  
“They are well, sir,” she answered immediately, returning back to Marine mode and putting any thoughts of the wedding or going home away to study later. “As you are aware, our mission three days ago was a partial success.”  
  
“It was a success, not a partial success, Lieutenant,” he cut in, the corner of his mouth twitching as though he just managed to stop another smile.  
  
She didn't argue (she never argued: he was her commanding officer), but she didn't agree. They obviously had different ideas of success. The mission she had led had been meant to find one of the many camps where Reaper raiding parties would hole up, and they had managed to find one, but it had been empty when they got there and had remained empty since. It seemed to be deserted. The Captain called it a success because the camp site had been found; she called it a partial success because though the camp had been found, no Reapers had been found with it, which meant they could be out somewhere at the moment, looking for another town to attack. The thought did not sit well with her, nor had it ever. She wanted to go out and track down every single Reaper and stop them, but she was not an idiot, and knew she couldn't possibly single-handedly take down the Reapers. That was why she had been so excited when first she learned she would be leading the Grounders, a new unit created specifically to track down this terrible enemy. After a year and a half, though, they had much less combat with the enemy than she had thought they would. There had been some battles, but she had expected more, and never liked thinking about how whenever her unit wasn't out there searching for them, it meant they were left to attack whoever they came upon. Lexa knew that her unit weren't the only Marines after them, but the knowledge didn't change how she felt, no matter how well she was able to hide her impatience.  
  
“Yes Captain,” she merely said, nodding once, her hand resting loosely on the hilt of her sword. She had been given it just after graduation, and while it had become more of a symbol in the Marines these days than a true weapon as it had once been, she carried it wherever she went. It symbolized her sense of pride, successfully completing her training to become a Lieutenant, but it also seemed to relax her whenever she touched it. Guns were more useful, yes, and certainly used more often than swords, but she often felt better with a sword in her hand than a gun. Not that she wasn't an excellent shot (she'd been able to shoot a gun long before deciding to become a Marine, what with her parents being Marines before her), but the sword just felt more natural to her. So whenever her emotions, however hidden, tried to get the better of her, she touched her sword, and it calmed her down.  
  
The Captain knew her though, better than anyone else at Polis probably, so he knew that even though she agreed with him vocally, it didn't mean she really agreed with him. He just shook his head, hiding another grin.  
  
“And in your missions and training, how are your Marines doing? You give satisfactory reports, but I am aware that there is more to some of them that is rather unsatisfactory.”  
  
She knew exactly what he was referring to, or rather, who: Quint. Quint and his new follower, Fio, the newest member of the Grounders, having only been with them for three months. It had been a very, very long three months though. She had known there was going to be trouble when she first met the Marine, already falling for Quint's lies. Quint had never liked her, and whether it was because she was a woman or just a woman of a higher rank, she didn't know, but from the moment he had been placed in the unit when he transferred to Polis just over a year ago, he had made things difficult for Lexa. He never did or said anything straight to her face, nor did he say anything to anyone who he could get in trouble with, but she knew all the same. She knew the rumors he had started, knew the looks that he threw her when he thought she wasn't looking (and sometimes even when he knew she was). If she had been someone else, she might have reported him on it all, or given him duties that were far, far beneath him, but she didn't. She had learned long ago to let words roll off her back, especially words that were whispered and not shouted. As long as he followed her orders (which he always did, though not always as quickly as the others who followed her command) then he could whisper all he wanted. She had not become a Marine to make friends: she had become one to keep people safe, and that was what her unit was doing.  
  
Nevertheless, Quint tried her patience, and now that he had Fio under his wing, her patience was being tested twice as much. The younger man was not nearly as open in his dislike of her, but it was there, and it was clear. She didn't let it get to her anymore than she let Quint's get to her.  
  
On the other hand, everyone else in her unit listened to her well. Tristan had a temper, it was true, and had more than a little arrogance, but he never turned that temper on her (probably for fear of repercussion), and she could deal with arrogance. Marques, Tony and Jay were all friends, having transferred in together, and joked around a lot, but when it came time to work they turned serious instantly, always ready. Shet spent most of his time with Tristan, calming him when his temper got to be too much and kicking him off his high-horse when his arrogance over took him. Echo, as the only other woman on the team, kept mostly to herself, but she did good work and could climb a tree faster than anyone Lexa had ever met, and could throw knives with a deadly accuracy that beat even Lexa's. And then finally, there was Ryder, the first member of her unit. He was quiet, a loner, and more likely to spend time with Echo than any of the men, but he was the strongest member of the team, and the first to stick up for Lexa when a rumor reached him. The one time Quint had let one of his rumors slip next to Ryder, he had had a black eye the next time Lexa saw him. He had told her he had banged it on his bunk, but Lexa noticed how he remained quiet around Ryder since then, and she knew. While she didn't want the headache of a fight between two of her team members and really didn't need the paperwork that could cause (nor did she need anyone to fight her battles for her since she'd been fighting her own battles since she was a child), it also made her feel slightly warm inside, knowing that Ryder believed in her. She respected the slightly older man, and knowing he respected her back made her feel better about it all.  
  
Rather than saying anything about her team and their behaviors towards her, however, she just raised her eyebrows almost imperceptibly at the Captain and replied, “If there was more worth reporting, I would have done so, sir.”  
  
This time the Captain didn't even bother to try to hide his grin as he shook his head, telling her after a moment, “You've got thick skin, Lieutenant, and I respect your not wanting to make a big deal out of this, but you deserve to be treated better. Maybe one of these days you'll give that jack-ass the lesson he's been asking for.”  
  
“I am not concerned,” she informed him, her tone almost bored, which just made Rivo's grin grow.  
  
“I know,” he replied easily, leaning back in his chair even further, “That's what makes the situation almost funny. Here this asshole is trying to get a rise out of you, but you really couldn't care less. It isn't funny, but it will be when you finally give him what he's been asking for.”  
  
The Lieutenant merely continued to give him her neutral stare, one that made even him feel like he needed to fall in line, even though he was her superior, and he just shook his head again. “Alright Lieutenant, I get it, we've discussed what you needed to talk about and more. Dismissed.”  
  
She stood up and saluted him before turning around and exiting his tent. As soon as she stepped outside, she felt her heart start to pick up its pace again as she started towards her private tent. Now that she knew that she could get the time off, she supposed she should write to Lincoln immediately, before she had time to chicken out. She thought about his letter again, and the date suddenly popped into her head. September 13th. She would be going home for September 13th. Most importantly, she would see Clarke again, for the first time since their good-bye in the airport. September 13th: a day she suddenly both longed for and dreaded.  


***

_Two Days Later_

Lexa nearly smiled as she walked down the street, her good mood coloring the world around her. She wasn't entirely sure what had put her in such a good mood, but ever since she woke up that morning, she felt good, just kind of right, and ever since the feeling had remained. She had half expected it to go away as the day progressed, especially while training with her team, but it hadn't happened; if anything, her mood had only gotten better. Training had gone wonderfully, everyone doing what was expected of them and more, and not even Quint gave her any sort of attitude. Because of that and her good mood, and the fact that they were going out on a mission the next day, she had given them all the evening off, to spend it however they liked. She didn't know what any of them planned to do, but she had decided to go for a walk, and had ended up in the small town that was a few miles away from the base.  
  
When people called it a “small town,” that was exactly what they meant. It was one of those towns with one gas station, a tiny grocery store, one and a half restaurants (the half was a restaurant that was only open three days a week, so she didn't count it as a full restaurant, personally). Since Polis had sprung up so close by, they had expanded some, putting in a couple of little touristee shops, and she had decided that she might as well check them out while she was there. She had already stopped in a little book shop and gotten two books, though she wasn't entirely sure when she was going to have the time to read them. Reading made her think of Anya, though, and when she had a book in her hands she felt less lonely (she never realized until that moment that she was lonely), so she knew she'd find some time to devour them eventually. Now she was just strolling along, though, peering through windows of the stores she passed by. She didn't really plan on spending much time in any of them, but suddenly one shop caught her eye, and almost before she realized what she was doing she heard the ding of the bell above the door as she opened it and stepped inside.  
  
It was a small jewelry shop, with mostly hand-made pieces. She saw rings and bracelets and necklaces made from every manner of things, from glass to petrified wood, to stones and precious gems. She didn't really know what drew her into the shop, as she wasn't much of a jewelry person even when she wasn't hunting Reapers, but here she was, and she had to admit that some of the pieces were gorgeous.  
  
“Finding something you like, honey?” an older woman asked, walking up behind Lexa. She was obviously in charge of the store, and smiled kindly up at Lexa, standing at at least half a foot shorter than the younger woman.  
  
Lexa returned the smile, always one to show respect to those who were older than her.  
  
“I am just looking, thank you,” she answered the woman, as she turned and peered at a red bracelet made of beads of many different sizes.  
  
The woman squinted at her, as if sizing her up, and then grinned again and asked, “What's your rank? You're too young to be something as high as a Lance Corporal, but you certainly have an air of authority around you.”  
  
Lexa looked back at the woman, her eyes widening slightly before she told the stranger, “I am a Second Lieutenant. How did you know I was a Marine? I am not in uniform.” She had chosen to wear a simple pair of jeans and a t-shirt for her walk, so that this woman just knew that she was a soldier puzzled her.  
  
The woman in turn shrugged, moving to Lexa's other side to wipe away a bit of dust from one of the display shelves.  
  
“We've all learned how to tell tourists apart from the Marines stationed down at Polis,” she replied, shooting her another grin as she replied, “And you walk like a Marine, even in civilian clothes. I've come to learn to read the Marine walk very well. I see a number of you all the time. Men come in here to buy trinkets for their sweethearts back home. I've done some good business since that base was set up.”  
  
Lexa let the corner of her mouth turn up in a smile, imagining the many men she knew who would undoubtedly trip all over themselves to be able to buy pretty things for their wives or girlfriends. Men were not subtle about their love lives.  
  
“Anyway Lieutenant, you just keep browsing,” the woman said, walking back over to the counter on the far side of the room, “You just let me know if I can help you with anything.”  
  
“I will,” Lexa replied, and then went back to studying the pieces as the woman made herself comfortable behind the counter doing her own work.  
  
As she looked at the jewelry, Lexa wondered if the old woman had made it all herself, or if she had help. Some of the pieces were simple, but others were truly complex, and she had a hard time seeing those little old hands being able to remain steady enough to place some of the beads together. It was all beautiful though, and if the woman had made even just some of it, she had to admit that she had quite a lot of talent.  
  
Lexa had looked at a good three quarters of the room by the time her eye was drawn to the glass display case at the back of the shop. She walked over and suddenly took in a sharp breath. The other jewelry in the room was beautiful, but she thought it barely held up in a comparison against these pieces. Each piece was crafted on a thin silver chain, whether bracelet or necklace, and each had a different type of design with it. All were breathtaking, but the piece that immediately caught Lexa's eye was a necklace. In all honesty, the necklace was rather simple compared to the other pieces around it, but it was perfect. Hanging from the thin silver chain was a blue star, perfectly shaped, made out of some kind of blue crystal. What truly made her pause was the simple fact that the color of the crystal matched Clarke's eyes exactly (she knew, even after all this time, because Clarke's eyes were still the first things she dreamt about at night). It was perfect.  
  
“Do you see something you like, honey?” the woman asked, and when Lexa merely nodded she moved over to stand next to the young girl staring into the glass display case. She followed her gaze, and her eyes fell on the star necklace. She grinned: she knew that piece wouldn't be in there for long. “The star, huh? That'll look lovely on you.”  
  
“It is not for me,” the girl informed her, still looking at the necklace, and then murmured almost as an after thought, “Or, I hope it will not be for me.”  
  
The woman raised her eyebrows, the smile on her face growing. She knew love when she saw it, and it was clear that who ever this young woman was referring to, she loved her deeply. Never one to stand in the way of true love (no, it had been noted to her before that she was more likely to shove someone at their love rather than stand in the way of it), she took a set of keys from her pocket and opened the display case, gingerly removing the necklace. “Well then,” she said, starting back over to the counter, “Let's get this rung up for you why don't we?”  
  
Lexa nodded, though she wasn't entirely sure what she was doing. She and Clarke were no longer together; in fact, they were so very much not together that they hadn't seen each other in nearly six years. Why was she buying this necklace, something that was almost exclusively meant as a lover's present? She didn't know, but she did know that after seeing it, she needed to buy it. It just felt... right.  
  
“Alright dearie, that'll be fifteen dollars,” the woman told her as she placed the necklace carefully in a small case and then placed that into a bag.  
  
Lexa frowned at her. She was sure that the price tag in the case had said forty dollars.  
  
“I think you are mistaken,” she replied, “The price tag said forty dollars, not fifteen.”  
  
The woman just grinned at her, already pushing the bag across the counter at her.  
  
“Maybe, but we're having a sale today,” she informed the girl, “Everything's half off, and you get the Marine discount, so it's just fifteen today.” She winked at the girl, seeing that she was about to argue some more. “Don't worry about it, honey: just make sure you give it to her at the right time. She's going to love it.”  
  
Lexa opened her mouth to insist, but she ended up just closing it, shaking her head once.  
  
“Thank you,” she finally said, handing her the money and taking the bag. “This means... quite a bit to me.”  
  
“I can tell,” the woman replied, placing the money in her cash register as she continued to smile. “She must be one special girl.”  
  
“She is,” the Marine murmured, her tone telling the woman all she needed to know. Yep, it was definitely true love, and it was definitely right. It would all work out, she was sure. “Thank you again. Thank you.”  
  
“Of course, hun. Now you just take care of yourself until you get the chance to give it to her, got it?”  
  
Lexa nodded, a small smile on her face. With a final grateful look, Lexa turned and left the shop, taking her purchase with her.  
  
Yes, she was in a very good mood.  


***

_A Few Weeks Later_

Lexa was _not_ in a good mood, and there was one reason as to why: Quint.  
  
The Grounders had spent all day training, hours of drills and exercises, and the entire time he had been an even bigger problem than usual. Normally, he listened to her orders, albeit slower than the others or with more attitude, but today it was as if he couldn't hear. To be more accurate, he acted as though he couldn't hear her, telling her that she wasn't loud enough when she gave an order. Yes, she had never felt the need to holler orders out like most Marines giving orders, but she knew that she always spoke loud enough to be heard.  
  
Currently, they were practicing hand-to-hand combat, and she had paired them off to practice as she went around analyzing everyone's fighting skills. She never fought with them, not because she thought herself better than them, but because she wanted to keep the distance between herself and them, as leader and subordinates. Because of their numbers, this meant that there always had to be one group of three fighting, but she liked that, and sometimes had them fight in larger groups, to prepare them for the chaos of a true battle situation. At the moment however, she felt like she couldn't give her attention to any of the groups other than Quint's, as every time she would turn away it would seem like he would cause some sort of problem. And you know what, she was done with it, especially when she turned away and a few moments later heard a loud thumping noise followed by a worrisome crack. She turned to find Shet on the ground, holding his head in his hands as blood poured down the side of his face from a cut just above his eyebrow. She set her jaw, walking over to him and extended her hand to him and then helped him up.  
  
“Shet, it would appear you need to visit the infirmary,” she told him, reaching into a pocket in her uniform and taking out a bandana. She handed it to him, and he took it, nodding his thanks as he pressed it to the large gash, wincing. His skin had turned pale beneath the blood, and she worried he may have gotten a concussion, so she turned and pointed to Marques. “Accompany him to the infirmary, and then return here,” she ordered him, and he saluted her before the two men started the trek to the medical station. She then turned to Quint, who stood a few feet away, a proud and arrogant grin on his face. From the way Tristan was clenching his fists together, he probably shouldn't look so happy with himself, but it was time for her to teach him a lesson, not him. “Lance Corporal Quint,” she called, keeping her voice and face even so as not to show him her anger, “It would appear you need a new sparing partner.”  
  
“I s'pose so. Shet's head's just too soft, I guess,” he replied, then turned to Echo, who had been working with Marques. “Looks like you and me are gonna be partners now.” He winked at her, and that was all it took to truly push Lexa over the edge.  
  
“That will not be necessary,” Lexa informed him, stepping forward, and he turned back to her, a questioning look on his face. “I have not been able to get a good work out in for some time now, and feel the need to stretch my muscles. I will be your partner until Private First Class Shet returns.”  
  
He eyed her warily, narrowing his eyes at her. She'd never offered to fight any of them before, and he hadn't been expecting it now. “You never fight with us,” he stated, his tone full of skepticism.  
  
“I have not, that is correct,” she replied, rolling her shoulders slowly to loosen them, mostly just for show. “However, I think it is time I start. Now come, get ready.”  
  
He continued to eye her, his eyes moving to the sword that was always strapped to her waist, and she almost rolled her eyes at him, stopping herself just in time. As if she would need that to beat him. He didn't know that, however, so she made a show of unbuckling the sheath from her belt and handed it to Ryder, who had come up behind her. He was not the only one who had stopped what they were doing: her entire team had moved, creating a loose circle around them. The sight simply made Lexa think about a fight breaking out on a playground, and she stopped herself from shaking her head just in time. Working with all of these people had made her begin to wonder if there was truly ever any such thing as a mature adult. She pushed the thought to the back of her mind though, and took another step forward, her feet settling shoulder-width apart and her back crouched slightly, arms hanging loosely at her side. Her heart began to beat faster in excitement, and she realized that she actually looked forward to this. “Come, let us see if my head is as soft as Shet's.”  
  
For a moment Quint seemed unsure of himself, or unsure of the situation as though it couldn't really be happening. His eyes flickered around the circle and he growled, “I can't attack a _superior_ officer.” He drew out the “superior” to show her just what he thought of that, but she ignored it.  
  
“It is not an attack,” she answered easily, her tone remaining almost conversational, “We are training. And you are not attacking, anyway.” The addition was a clear way to get him angry, to goad him into action, a cheap trick she wouldn't normally resort to. For him though, she decided to make an exception.  
  
It worked, too. His nostrils flared, and he leaped forward, his fist flying right at her head. She watched it come and stood her ground, and then at the last moment side-stepped, allowing his momentum to carry him past her. He stumbled forward and then caught himself, whirling around to face her, expecting her to take advantage of his back being to her, but she didn't. She remained planted solidly on the ground, her face as neutral as ever, just watching him. For some reason, it infuriated him that she could still have that smug not-caring-at-all look on her face, and that fury propelled him forward again, his fist ready to connect with whatever part of her body remained in front of it. She stepped to the side again, however, once again avoiding his attack, but this time as he passed by her he felt a solid punch make contact with the back of his shoulder. He grunted, not having expected the amount of force behind the hit, but clenched his jaw and turned back towards her.  
  
She watched him turn to her once again, but this time he didn't charge in again. This time he eyed her warily, searching for any weaknesses. _At least he can learn_ , she thought, her own eyes never leaving his frame. She was quicker than him, that was obvious, and she was willing to bet she had more stamina, but he was larger and very possibly stronger. She had no doubt she could beat him and would, but she could also be in trouble if he actually got a hold of her. She wasn't about to let that happen.  
  
He moved towards her again, fist up, but this time his punch was more controlled, so when she moved to get out of the way, he mirrored her movements, catching her in the side. It was just a graze, but it was a hit, and he smirked as though he was proud of himself, making her once again want to roll her eyes. Instead she grabbed onto his arm with one hand, and brought her elbow down on it with her other arm. She controlled the amount of force she used so that she knew she wouldn't break anything, but made sure that it hurt. From the wince and grunt he gave, it had. She didn't let up there though. Instead of letting go, she held onto the arm so that he couldn't get away, turning him so that more of his back was to her, and then forcefully kicked the back of his knees, sending him sprawling to the ground. Before he could get back up, she had one knee pressed harshly into the small of his back and the same arm she had brought her elbow down on twisted behind him. He tried to use his free hand to hit her, but the angle was wrong and so it just flailed around as it tried to find something to come in contact with. Her free hand reached out and grasped him by his hair, shoving his face into the ground.  
  
“You are a bully,” she growled at him, her patience with him at an end. “You are a bully who thinks he is tougher than those around him, and so picks fights. When you cannot pick a fight with someone, you spread lies about them in the hopes that your lies will somehow make others think you are more than what you are. I put up with it because I have known people like you my whole life, and have learned there is no point in acknowledging them, as it only feeds into their foolishness. But now you have gone too far, and I am done. From now on, you will follow my orders as I give them to you. You will treat me and your teammates with respect. You will stop spreading your rumors about which men I may or may not be sleeping with, and if you are spreading any lies about the other women in this base, you will stop with those as well.” He had gone completely still beneath her, and she leaned down until her face was near his ear. “Though I will say, next time you feel the need to start rumors, you should at least spread ones that could be at all believable. Neither you, nor Captain Rivo, nor any of the men on this base have what I am interested in.” After giving that a moment to sink in, she pressed her knee even further into his back, causing him to let out a groan, and then stood up, letting go of his arm and his hair. “Get up,” she ordered, and she was glad to see that he followed the order, rising shakily to his feet, his jaw still set and face down. “Now, is anything broken?”  
  
“No, Lieutenant,” he mumbled, his tone rough, still not meeting her eyes.  
  
“Good,” she replied, “Then you have no reason to go to the infirmary. Now pair up with Jay, and I don't want to see your emotions in your fighting. Control your body, do not let it control you. You will land more hits when you are in control.”  
  
He nodded, and then moved away, Jay following a moment later to get back to training. She watched them get into their stances and then begin brawling, and she was happy to see that he actually seemed to be taking her advice to heart, remaining much more in control against Jay. She turned to the other members of her team, scanning them all. Her eyes came to a stop on Ryder as he stepped up to her, holding out her sword for her.  
  
“Here, Heda,” he said to her, and she accepted the sword, frowning.  
  
“Thank you, but I do not know what that means,” she told him. He had always been loyal to her, so she doubted it was anything terrible, but she was still curious.  
  
“It is from a lost language,” he informed her, “My mother taught me the few words she had been taught. It means 'respected leader,' or 'respected one.'”  
  
She turned the word and its meaning over in her head, and then nodded. It wasn't really her title, but she liked it all the same. She raised an eyebrow slightly at the large man, and asked, “Feel like a friendly brawl, Marine?” She threw him a half-grin, the most emotion she ever showed, and he grinned back.  
  
“I'd be honored, Heda.”  


***

That night Lexa was laying in her bed reading one of the books she had bought on her trip into town weeks ago, finally finding the time to relax a little when she heard a noise outside her tent. Footsteps, and then they came to a stop and seemed to shuffle in the snow for a moment. She lowered her book, curious, until she heard a voice call quietly, “Lieutenant, may, may I come in?”  
  
Fio. She raised her eyebrows, wondering what he could want, but put her book down and replied loudly, “Enter, Marine.”  
  
Fio pulled the flap of the small tent back, his hand shaking lightly from nerves. He had never been in the Lieutenant's tent before, had never really been in any higher-ranking officer's personal tent before (except for the Captain's, but that was his office tent, not his _real_ tent. He couldn't imagine going into the Captain's actual tent). When he stepped inside, he was surprised by what he found. It was barely furnished, with just a bed and a bureau and tiny desk, though he supposed that was more furniture than he got. What really shocked him though was that the Lieutenant wasn't in her uniform. He should have expected it, since it was late enough at night that she was probably getting ready for bed, but he hadn't ever thought about this woman in anything other than a uniform, and especially not a pair of loose sweatpants and a large sweatshirt.  
  
“What do you need, Marine?” she asked, not getting up from her spot on the bed, and he was happy to know that at least her tone remained the same. He didn't think he could take any other changes in his perception of her that day.  
  
“I uh, I just wanted to... Well, to apologize,” he replied, clenching his fingers around the fabric of his pants loosely, trying to keep his arms at his sides. “I believed the things that Quint told me about you, and didn't treat you the way I should have been treating my commanding officer. It's an honor to be a Grounder, and an honor to follow you, and I should have known that before today. I'm sorry.”  
  
Lexa stared at him, not allowing her surprise to register on her face, and allowed the silence to draw out for a moment. She hadn't expected this, but she couldn't say it was unwelcome. Finally she nodded, and then told him, “Your apology is accepted, Marine.” She considered giving him more than that, but decided against it. An apology was one thing, but then maintaining that apology was another, and she wasn't sure if she believed he could maintain it yet. She would give him the chance to try, though.  
  
He returned the nod and said, “Thank you, Lieutenant,” and then nodded once more before almost stumbling backwards and exiting her tent.  
  
Lexa sat up for many more minutes after he left, thinking. It had been a very interesting day. She looked forward to seeing what came of it, from both him and Quint.  


***

_Two Months Later_

Tony whistled a tune cheerfully as they walked, even as his eyes scanned the trees around them. Every now and then Marques would hum along with him when he knew the tune, and the two would grin at each other. At one point Shet lightly punched Tony in the arm, playfully telling him to stick to a tune and “do it justice or just stop,” and Tony began to whistle even louder to no tune Lexa had ever heard of before just to bug the other man.  
  
Spirits were high as they walked through the trees, their boots all crunching on the crusty snow beneath their feet. As far as Lexa was concerned, they had every right to be up: they were drawing to the end of one of their most successful missions yet. Three days ago they'd gotten word of a Reaper attack at a little house on the outskirts of a nearby town, and the Grounders had set out in the hopes of tracking them down. The Reapers had murdered the father at the house, and kidnapped the wife and little girl and the Grounders were determined to get them back. They'd been too late to save the woman: they'd found her body lying at the base of a tree, her features bloody and her neck slashed so deeply that her head barely remained connected to her neck. The sight had made Lexa nearly sick (and had actually made Marques and Jay sick) and had just made her push her team even harder to find the monsters who did it.  
  
It was Tristan who found the camp, coming up on it while out scouting. He'd returned to the group and informed them of what he found: seven Reapers all huddled around a fire, tearing into the food they'd stolen from the ransacked house, and the little girl tied up to a tree a few yards away.  
  
The girl had been Lexa's biggest concern. She knew they couldn't just go in with guns blaring or they'd risk the girl getting injured. So instead she had devised a plan to draw at least some of the Reapers away. She'd had half the team move half a mile east and build a large fire, one with a lot of smoke so that the Reapers would see it. She and the rest of the team had stayed by the camp site, hiding among the trees. Just as she had hoped, when the Reapers saw the smoke in the distance, half of them had left, running towards it in the hopes of finding some unsuspecting travelers. With just three Reapers left, it was easy work to have Quint and Echo, her two best shots, set themselves up in the trees and pick them off fast enough that they barely had time to react. She, Fio and Shet quickly moved in as soon as they heard the shots, the other two going to the three bodies now on the ground to make sure they stayed on the ground, and her going to the little girl. She quickly untied the girl who threw herself into the Lieutenant's arms as soon as she was free, sobbing into Lexa's shoulder. After that it hadn't been long until the other half of their team had rejoined them, reporting that the four Reapers who had gone after them were in much the same condition as the three who had stayed. With all of the enemy dead and the little girl retrieved relatively uninjured, it was by far one of their most successful missions yet.  
  
So it made sense that they were all in such good moods as they made their way back to base. Not even the chill in the air could break through their excitement, even if the gray clouds building above them promised they would see snow at some point soon. Lexa glanced up again, seeing the threat coming from those clouds and knew she had to make a decision. If they kept walking through the night, they would be back at Polis by early morning. However, if the storm that those clouds clearly threatened broke out before they made it back and they hadn't established a solid camp, they were just as likely to get lost in the storm. As much as she wanted to get back and report their success to the Captain and give her people the rest they all deserved, she knew what the smart choice was.  
  
She stopped marching, and managed to hide her pride when they all stopped behind her without her having to give them any signal. Ever since her brawl with Quint, the team had truly come together. None of them ever gave her any kind of a hard time unless they were joking around with her, and now most of them actually did feel comfortable enough to joke around with her. Part of it was because of her: she had loosened up (slightly), practicing with them whenever they trained in hand-to-hand combat (the only two to have beaten her were Ryder and Jay), and allowing herself to relax a little around them. The other part of it was that after she beat Quint, she apparently had proved to them all that she had earned her title and more importantly earned the right to be the leader of the Grounders. Even Quint treated her with more respect, though she knew he still didn't like her. That didn't matter to her though: she didn't need him to like her, she just needed him to do what he was told, and he was finally doing just that.  
  
She turned to them, telling them, “We had better get a camp set up before the storm starts. We will return to Polis tomorrow, assuming the storm isn't too bad.”  
  
“Yes Heda,” they all murmured, and then all got to work.  
  
Her lips curled up at the name. That was another thing that had changed since her fight with Quint. Since the first time Ryder uttered the foreign title, they all had seemed to like it, and all started using it on her. The Captain had told her that he would put a stop to it, but she had told him not to. Honestly, she liked the title, and while she had worked hard to become a lieutenant, “Heda” was the title her men had given her, and she had worked just as hard for that.  
  
The little girl, whose name they had learned was Reine, slid down from where she had been riding on Ryder's back, and got out of the way as the Marine's set up the camp. They had been on so many missions before that it all seemed to work like clockwork now. Shet, Echo, Jay and Fio set up the three tents, one for Lexa, Echo and Reine, and the other two for the men to split up in. Tristan and Lexa went out and collected armful after armful of firewood, while Tony built the fire pit and dug around in their sacks and gathered what would be needed to make a dinner for all of them. Ryder, Marques and Quint spread out to keep watch, all of them aware that they needed to be prepared for any unwanted company.  
  
It all went smoothly, and soon they were sitting next to a roaring fire shoveling down the simple meal of beans cooked over the flames. It wasn't much, but it filled them all up and warmed their insides which was all any of them needed, especially as the sky turned darker and the wind picked up, the first few snowflakes starting to fall.  
  
Reine shivered and inched closer to the fire, rubbing her hands along her arms. Lexa watched as Fio grabbed a blanket from his sack behind him and wrapped it tightly around the little girl.  
  
“There you go,” he said to her, giving her a small smile.  
  
“Thanks,” she told him quietly, pulling the blanket up to her ears and huddling down in it. She stared into the fire, looking lost and alone. Lexa's heart ached for the girl.  
  
Fio saw the look too, and gently nudged the girl's shoulder.  
  
“Hey, you're okay now,” he reminded her, “Bad things might have happened, but now you can make some good things happen.”  
  
She turned to him, tears in her eyes.  
  
“They killed my parents,” she whispered, a single tear falling free.  
  
He looked at her sadly, before replying, “I know. And that's not okay. It'll never be okay, what happened to your mom and dad, but some day it won't hurt as much. Some day you'll be able to focus on all the good memories you have of them, instead of focusing on this one. It know it doesn't feel like it, but you will.”  
  
“It hurts,” she cried softly, “It hurts so much.”  
  
He moved over and wrapped his arms around her, holding her and letting her cry on him.  
  
“I know it hurts,” he told her quietly, “I know right now it feels like nothing will ever be okay again. But it will be. Some day the hurt will go away, and you'll feel good again. And it'll feel wrong, being happy without them there, but I promise you, that's okay. They would want you to be happy, Reine. They wouldn't want you to be sad.”  
  
The girl nodded, but the tears continued to fall. The other Marines all pretended not to notice, none of them seeming to be comfortable with the girl's sorrow, but Lexa couldn't look away. She knew that pain, had grown up with it just as this girl was going to have to, but at least she had had her father still. This girl had neither parent to hold her now, and that was a kind of pain Lexa didn't want to even imagine.  
  
Finally the girl stopped crying, just sniffing and wiping her nose on her sleeve. She pulled back from Fio, her eyes darting up to his face and then away, suddenly feeling awkward about crying on a stranger.  
  
“I, I think I'm gonna go to bed,” she whispered, and he nodded to her before she moved over to the tent set up for the women, still clutching his blanket around her tightly. A sleeping bag had already been set up inside for her, one meant to hold up to the winter's cold, so Lexa knew she would be alright. Physically, at least. As for emotionally, there was nothing anyone could truly do for her, other than tell her it would be alright. Lexa knew that lie all too well, and remembered how she hadn't believed it either.  
  
After Reine disappeared into the tent, Lexa looked back over to Fio who was still looking at the tent flap settling back into place, a worried look on his face.  
  
“You did well with her,” Lexa informed him, making him jump slightly, as though he was being pulled from some deep thoughts.  
  
“Thanks Heda,” he replied, relaxing again. “Unfortunately, I know a bit of what she's going through. I lost my grandfather,” he explained at her look, “The man practically raised me, but he died when I was nine. It destroyed me for a little while. But,” he shrugged, “Life goes on, and you move on, eventually. Not that it was easy, but the pain does go away and you find new people to love.”  
  
“I take it you have found these new people,” she inquired, raising an eyebrow. She'd never really talked to him about his life outside of the Marines before, and found that she was interested in what he had to say.  
  
An easy grin broke out across his face as he stared off in front of him.  
  
“Yeah,” he answered and reached into his pocket to pull out a picture, handing it to her, “I found them. Tanya, my wife, and our kids, Sammy and Jess. They're the reasons I breathe.”  
  
“How old are your children?” Lexa asked as she looked at the picture in the firelight, a little surprised. In the picture, a woman sat with a baby in her arms and a little girl standing next to them, waving to the camera. She knew that he had just turned twenty-six, so the idea of him having children had never crossed her mind.  
  
His grin grew as he told her, “Sammy's four, and Jess is almost a year old.”  
  
She raised her eyebrows at him.  
  
“You have been in the Marine's how long?” she asked, doing the math in her head, and he just shook his head.  
  
“Yep, that's right,” he replied, taking the picture back and gazing down at it, “I left for the Marine's before Jess was born. When I get home, I'll be meeting my baby girl for the first time. Tanya sends me pictures though, and fills me in on everything when we talk on the phone.”  
  
Lexa couldn't imagine that, never having met your own child. She frowned, and asked, “Can I ask why you joined the Marines? I think it would be difficult for me to leave my family behind like that.” _It was difficult enough just to leave Clarke_ , she added in her head. She truly couldn't imagine leaving children too.  
  
He just shrugged, carefully folding the picture back up and putting it back in his pocket.  
  
“We needed the money,” he said honestly, meeting her eyes, “And honestly, being a father terrified me. My father was an asshole, and I was afraid I'd be like him with my kids. Being away from them though...,” he trailed off, as though searching for the right words, and then shrugged. “I guess being away from them has shown me how much I really love them all, and how much I can't wait to go home to them.”  
  
Lexa nodded, understanding that feeling. The conversation ended when she heard boots crunching in the snow behind them, and turned to see Quint and Ryder returning from their time on watch.  
  
“Come,” she said to him as she pushed herself up, brushing off the few snowflakes that had landed on her as she sat listening to him, “We are on watch now.”  
  
He nodded and followed her to the edge of the campsite where they took their positions, scanning the trees. It was too dark to really see anything, so they had to rely more on sound, listening carefully in case anything seemed off. As they stood there though, his earlier words still rang through her head, and Lexa couldn't stop them. She partially unzipped the top of her utility uniform, pulling a picture she always kept there in the inside pocket. She stared at it, and even though it was too dark out to really see, she still knew every detail of the picture.  
  
It was of her and Clarke, and it was one of her favorites. It was one of the ones they had taken at Homecoming their senior year of high school. They were standing beneath the arch that had been set up specifically for pictures, Lexa's arms around Clarke's waist and Clarke's arms hanging off of Lexa's shoulders. They were “being gross,” as she remembered Raven had put it, and staring at each other, smiles on their faces. She remembered that their friends had all been trying to make them laugh, but they had refused to, instead just smiling at each other. All in all, it was a simple picture, with nothing truly special about it, except that they were together, holding one another, and they were happy. Lexa's heart tugged at the memory.  
  
“Is that your special someone?” she heard Fio suddenly ask, and saw him gesture to the picture out of the corner of her eye.  
  
After a moment of hesitation, she handed him the picture to look at. He let out a low whistle, even if it was hard to see in the dark.  
  
“She... is special, but she is no longer mine,” Lexa answered him, and she saw him quirk his eyebrow at her in a question. “I chose the Marines,” she replied to the silent question, her tone not betraying how much she truly cared, “I chose the Marines over her. Now she is someone else's special someone. But yes, she is special. So very special.”  
  
He looked at the picture again, and then shook his head as he handed it back to her. She took another look and then quickly put it back in her pocket where it could always be close to her.  
  
“It's not any of my business, Heda, and don't kill me for saying this, but I think you're a bit of a dumbass, giving up a girl like that,” he told her, the corners of his mouth pulling up. “I mean, I love my Tanya and don't have eyes for any other lady, but your girl is definitely hot. Don't get me wrong, I totally get why you chose the Marines, but man, I hope you're able to win her back. You two look damn good together.”  
  
Lexa thought about the blonde, about how they had always just fit together, had always been happy until Lexa had chosen the Marines. She looked up at the sky, watching the snow fall down in heavy flakes now, and thought to herself, _I hope I can too_.  


***

They had been moving for two hours. They were less than three hours away from Polis, almost back to safety. Everything was going well until it wasn't.  
  
The first shot rang out, missing everyone but jumping all of them, none of them having seen or heard anything that would prepare them for an attack. The second shot, and Lexa saw Shet go to one knee, one hand clamping down on the opposite bicep, his teeth clenched tightly as the blood poured out from between his fingers. The third shot, and she whirled around, scanning the trees for where the enemies were shooting from. A flash of movement caught her eye, and she was screaming orders, her gun already to her shoulder and taking aim. The fourth shot was hers, and she hit her target, just as the fifth shot rang out, and she heard Quint next to her swear but not stop when the bullet grazed his leg, instead aiming and shooting the man who had shot him. She lost count of the shots after that, too busy shouting orders and trying to take in everything at once. Shots were raining down all around her, and she was busy trying to shield Reine who was screaming next to her and keep all of her people alive at the same time. She turned and saw Fio go down, falling to the ground as the blood started to stain the snow beneath him. She shoved Reine closer to Ryder, who immediately took charge of the little girl, and ran towards her fallen comrade.  
  
She was only a few feet away from him when she felt the bullet hit her.  


***

_Two Days Later_

Clarke smiled as Octavia laughed loudly at Jaime's joke, covering her mouth just in time to stop the carrot she was munching on from spraying everywhere. Even Lincoln laughed, though admittedly his was a much more controlled laugh, and Clarke couldn't help but feel good. The engaged couple had finally been able to make it to Clarke's apartment, and every detail felt just like it had back when they were in college. Even the news was on in the background, none of them paying any attention to it, just like it had been every night back at school. With them all together again and laughing, everything just felt right to Clarke.  
  
She picked up the salad bowl, swatting Octavia's hand away as she reached forward to grab a piece of cucumber (but not getting her before the other girl could grab it and hold it up like a trophy before popping it into her mouth), and moved over to place it on the kitchen table for when the rest of the meal was ready.  
  
“...And when we come back, we'll talk about the unfortunate loss we had this week. Another casualty in the fight against the Reapers, this time in a unit known as the Grounders. More on this when we return.”  
  
The salad bowl slipped out of her hands and shattered on the floor, shards of glass and bits of salad flying everywhere as she froze in place, those words ringing over and over in her head.  
  
“...An unfortunate loss...”  
  
“...Another casualty...”  
  
“...a unit known as the Grounders...”  
  
_Lexa_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah... so that just happened. Intense, right? That aside though, I want to apologize for the (I'm sure many) inaccuracies there are in this chapter with the Marines. As I think I've said before, I don't know much about it, and doing research only gets me so far, but I hope none of it was so glaringly horrible that it made it hard to read for anyone who does know a lot about the Marines. Also, although it was probably a little painful, I hope you all enjoyed the chapter (I enjoyed writing it, but it was painful for me too)! As always, I'd love to hear your feedback if you have the time to give it. :) Thanks all! Oh, and if anyone wants to talk about this story, I'm on Tumblr, and my url is clarkethewanheda. I'd love to talk to anyone interested in talking!
> 
> Edit: apologies for anyone reading this for the first time since 307. Reading through it again, I realize the ending of this chapter might cause some fear/discomfort/unsettling emotions, but I promise you this story does not resemble any of the writing on the show. Thanks!


	17. Chapter 17

“Clarke! Don't move, we'll clean up the glass.”  
  
Clarke couldn't distinguish who had spoken, could barely register that any words were said. She felt more than saw people begin to move around her, her vision clouding in as her mind fell into a never-ending cycle of repeating the words she had just heard come from the television. In an instant, she felt as though her body had split in two. Her physical self began to shake: she could feel the tremor begin in her hands and move up through her arms, soon taking over her entire body. Another part of her however seemed to detach from herself, almost as though she were having an out-of-body experience. That didn't make sense though, a part of that detached mind knew, out-of-body experiences only ever happened on TV when a character was dying. Perhaps she and Lexa really had shared a soul, and the part of her soul that had belonged to the other girl had died along with her, and she was only now noticing it.  
  
The part of her that was already trembling began to shake even harder at the detached thought. Lexa couldn't... She couldn't be... It just wasn't possible...  
  
Except that it was all too possible, and that was why her body was reacting so harshly to the few words the news anchor had said. Lexa was fighting a battle that was in every way a war except in actual title, and it was all too possible that she was gone. Clarke had known for years that the possibility of the other girl's death was all too real, but she had pushed it to the back of her mind over and over again, never letting herself think about it. Now it was all she could think about. After years of being away from her, images of Lexa flashed in her mind so fast that she could barely process them: Lexa smiling, Lexa laughing, Lexa scowling, Lexa reading a book, Lexa naked beside her, Lexa cuddled against her, Lexa rolling her eyes, Lexa, Lexa, _Lexa_. And then no more Lexa. Could that girl, that beautiful, tough, strong, _amazing_ girl really be gone? Could she have truly left the world, leaving Clarke behind? That thought, that belief that Lexa might have officially left her all alone is what suddenly drew her detached self back, forced that part of her to feel what the rest of herself was feeling.  
  
Somewhere within her though, even as the words continued to repeat over and over in her head (“Another casualty... a casualty... casualty,” repeated over and over, turning into a mantra, and all she could think about was how that word just wasn't _right_. There was nothing casual about this feeling, nothing casual about how her insides twisted and her heart raced and her lungs burned, nothing casual about the possibility that she was gone, there was nothing _right_ about that!), a small piece of her remained sane. There had to be a way to find out, to know for sure, to know before these agonizing commercials ended. And then she knew.  
  
She stuffed her hand in her pocket for her cellphone, but didn't find it, only a moment later remembering she had taken it out and put it on the counter while they cooked. Without thinking, she stumbled over to it, barely even seeing the other three around her.  
  
“Clarke, stop! You're bleeding!”  
  
In the back of her mind she registered Jaime's words at the same time she registered the sting of pain from the shard of glass she stepped on in her rush to the other side of the room. The pain was barely existent, however, her body having no space to store any feeling other than the panic she was only just barely maintaining. She felt Jaime come up to her, felt him place a hand on her shoulder, and somehow registered the worry in his eyes, but she didn't have time to explain or to even think about him or anyone else. She couldn't focus on Lincoln still staring at the TV, his jaw clenched and eyes focused. She couldn't focus on Octavia, bent down and picking glass up from the floor, but throwing worried glances from Clarke to the TV. She couldn't focus on Jaime, clearly unsure about what was suddenly going on, didn't have time to explain anything.  
  
Instead she focused on the phone in her hands as she felt her own jaw clench together even tighter, trying desperately to hold herself together. She was trembling so hard it took three times before she could successfully unlock the phone, and then precious seconds to get to her contacts and click the right one. Finally she did though, and she pressed her phone to her ear, squeezing her eyes shut.  
  
It rang once.  
  
_Please pick up._  
  
It rang twice.  
  
_Pick up._  
  
It rang a third time.  
  
_Oh god, just pick up your phone!_  
  
A fourth ring, and then a voice began speaking, and Clarke couldn't contain her strangled sob.  
  
_“Hello, you have reached Gustus Woods's phone, he couldn't figure out how to leave a voicemail, so I'm doing it for him. Leave your name and number and I am sure he will get back to you as soon as he is available.”_  
  
It was her voice. _Her_ voice, and Clarke remembered that moment so well. It had been towards the end of their senior year of high school, when Lexa had finally convinced her father he needed to get a cell phone. He'd bought one, but when he brought it home and Lexa told him he needed to set up his voicemail, he had looked at the phone as if it were some sort of foreign object, which admittedly for him it had been. She had rolled her eyes and Clarke had laughed when the brunette took the phone from him and so simply created the voicemail, teasing him in the process. She had shown him how she did it afterwards so that he could change it if he wanted to, but he had just smiled and shook his head. Now Clarke realized how smart he had been: she had been preparing to leave, to join the Marines, and now if she never came back, at least he would always have this message to remember her voice. Why hadn't Clarke thought of that?  
  
She hung up and immediately called back, and this time she didn't know which she wanted more, for Gustus to pick up, or for it to go to voicemail. The phone rang another four times, and then Clarke heard the same words repeated in the same tone. _“Hello, you have reached Gustus Woods's phone, he couldn't figure out how to leave a voicemail, so I'm doing it for him. Leave your name and number and I am sure he will get back to you as soon as he is available.”_  
  
Hearing her voice again was what finally broke her, what finally pushed Clarke over the edge of the precipice she had been teetering on. The sobs wracked her body, unable to hold anything back now. Her lungs burned as though liquid fire had been poured down them, her heart squeezed so tightly it seemed to stop beating, and she felt a sharp ache shoot through her. The ache went deeper than her heart, deeper than any part of her she had ever felt before, and in that moment she realized without a doubt that souls were entirely real, because hers was being ripped apart at her very deepest being.  
  
“Oh god, Clarke!” she heard Octavia call out over her sobs, and then the other girl's arms were around her, her lips near her ear creating shushing sounds, trying so desperately to ease her pain. “It's okay honey, it's okay, it's not her, it can't be her. Lexa's okay Clarke, I'm sure she's okay.”  
  
Clarke squeezed her eyes shut, trying so hard to believe those words, but Octavia's words didn't continue to ring in the blonde's ears the way the news anchor's still did. She could be right: Lexa could be okay, could be fine, but Clarke wouldn't be able to hear it if her sobs continued to drown out everything else around her. So with as much energy as she could muster, Clarke swallowed, nodding her head and squeezing her eyes shut tight, forcing the tears to stop falling. She clenched her teeth together, nearly holding her breath so as to stop the sobs from wracking her frame. Some how, by some miracle, she took control back of her body, because she needed to hear whatever was said next.  
  
She pulled herself together just in time. She opened her eyes again when she heard the theme music for the news come back on, her eyes immediately going to the screen as a brief weather report flashed across the screen. A moment that seemed like an eternity later, the two newsmen were once again on the screen, and Clarke clenched her fists tightly, her fingernails biting into her palms.  
  
“Two days ago a Marine Unit known as the Grounders were attacked by a group of Reapers on the way back from a rescue mission,” the same man from earlier said, and Clarke felt the lump in her throat grow as she tried unsuccessfully to swallow. “While the unit managed to save the civilian the Reapers had kidnapped, a little girl of eight, the price they paid for the rescue was high. On the mission, they lost one of their own, Private First Class Fio Johnson. Private First Class Johnson had only been a member of the unit for six months, having come straight from eight months of training. He is remembered by his wife and two daughters, and each of us who get to sleep easier knowing that he and the brave soldiers like him are out there fighting for our safety...”  
  
Every ounce of strength Clarke had seemed to leak from her body, and suddenly her legs turned to rubber as she folded, falling to her knees. Octavia caught her, following her to the floor where she held onto the blonde as Clarke let out another strangled sob. She felt Jaime kneel beside her, felt his arms wrap around her too, but she couldn't think of anything other than the simple fact that Lexa, her Lexa, her amazing, beautiful, strong, _wonderful_ Lexa was still alive.  
  
She was alive, and Clarke couldn't stop crying, traces of her fear still hanging onto her even as relief washed over her. Lexa was alive, and god, Clarke had never been so relieved in her life.  


***

_That Same Day_

Lexa's jaw ached and her eyes burned, but she refused to let the tears fall. Whenever the tears threatened to spill over, she would just clench her jaw tighter, refusing to show her weakness. Though on the inside she howled, on the outside she remained as neutral as possible, trying desperately not to let her people see how much she was hurting. She had to lead them, had to be strong so that they would be strong, and sobbing over the death of her fallen comrade was not strong. So no matter how hard her throat ached with the held-back tears, no matter how her heart wailed her agony, her mouth remained shut and her eyes remained dry as she watched the Marines before her load the coffin into the plane. The only sign she showed of this being anything other than a normal every day occurrence was the hand she raised to her forehead, leading the salute as Fio's body was loaded onto the plane to be taken back to his family.  
  
She had tried so hard to save him. Even after being shot, she had ignored her wound to try to slow his bleeding down. The attack hadn't lasted long after he went down: the Reapers hadn't attacked them with nearly enough man-power, so after the initial shock of realizing what was happening, her own people had taken down the enemy quickly and efficiently, but not before getting more than one hit themselves. Quint's leg wound hadn't been terrible, the bullet going clean through, but Shet's wound had been bad, especially when they realized the bullet had gotten stuck in his arm. Jay had taken a shot to the shoulder, a wound that was so severe that he had been flown to the nearest hospital as soon as they had made it back to Polis. The rest of them, Lexa included, had merely gone to the base infirmary, getting treated there. Lexa's wound hadn't been terrible: a bad graze to her right side, but which had only needed a number of stitches to close up. The medics in the infirmary had tried to get her to stay in bed, had tried to tell her she couldn't go to see Fio's body be shipped off, but she had refused to listen. She had nearly thrown one of them against the wall when he stepped in front of her to try to stop her, and she would have too if he hadn't moved out of her way, but luckily for him the glare she gave him was severe enough he had realized the danger he was in and stepped aside. He had made the right choice: it had been Lexa who had been so adamant about bringing the body back, and she wasn't about to sit by now at her last chance to show her respect for her fallen brother.  
  
They had tried so hard to stop the bleeding, to bandage the wound so that they could get Fio back to base and to the infirmary, but the wound had been so bad that even Ryder, their best medic on the team couldn't save him. When he finally slipped away, the others had stepped back, their sorrow written on their faces, but they had wanted to leave the body behind. The Captain would send out a retrieval party, they argued, a group to find the body and bring it back to the base. Their reasoning had been sound: they still had hours to travel, and had no proof there wouldn't be another attack, and with four of them injured and one dead, they would need all of what remained of their strength to get the rest of them back safely. Their reasoning had been sound and arguments had made sense, but Lexa hadn't listened to a word of it. Fio had been her soldier, had been her responsibility, and even if she couldn't get him back to base alive, she sure as hell wasn't about to leave him behind. She had ordered her soldiers to create a stretcher, tying some blankets to two long branches they cut down. They had lifted the body gently onto the make-shift stretcher, and Lexa had grabbed one end of it while someone else had grabbed the other end. Echo had tried to argue with her, tried to tell her that she was injured and should let someone else take it, but Lexa refused, her face set in its most stubborn expression. During the four hour journey back to Polis, she had made the other person helping her switch out often, in the hopes of keeping their strength up as much as they could, but she had never once let go of the stretcher, no matter what her people said to her to try to convince her to rest. Fio had trusted her to keep him safe, to lead him home, and she had failed him: the least she could do now was carry him back.  
  
She felt Quint shift beside her, saw the single tear fall down his face from the corner of her eye. She didn't turn to him, didn't point the emotion out. She understood, felt the raw pain of losing a comrade as deeply as he did, and couldn't begrudge him his sorrow. She knew that there were many others around her also letting their tears fall, the pain of losing a brother hitting them all hard. She, however, couldn't cry, wouldn't _let_ herself cry. Crying meant emotions, and emotions made one weak, and if there was ever a place where weakness was not allowed, it was within Lexa Woods. If she grew weak and allowed her emotions to wash over her, then she would no longer be fit to lead her people. She could not allow her emotions to control her, for fear of losing any more of her people.  
  
As the door to the plane shut, she lowered her arm, the soldiers around her quickly following her lead. No one moved, however, until the plane started up and finally took off, Private First Class Fio Johnson leaving them for the first and last time. They all watched solemnly as the plane climbed higher and higher into the air, until finally it disappeared among the clouds. Only once it was out of sight did any of them begin to move, people going back to what they would normally be doing, their faces still drawn into tight lines. Only Lexa and her people stayed behind, none of them moving as they all continued to stare at the spot in the sky where they had lost visual of the plane.  
  
Lexa felt more than saw Captain Rivo approach her, finally turning her eyes from the sky, her face still set in its most composed expression in order to hide her sorrow and shame. She looked at him instead, saluting once again.  
  
“Captain,” she said in greeting, her voice not breaking as it too played its part in hiding her true feelings.  
  
“Lieutenant,” he replied, nodding once, his eyes sweeping over her and then all of her people who had turned along with her. They returned to her before he told her, “I'd like to speak with you, Lieutenant. Your people are dismissed. Those who are injured should return to the infirmary, and those who are not should return to their bunks and rest.”  
  
“Yes Captain,” she heard all of her people murmur, and then she felt them leave her side to follow the Captain's orders. She merely nodded, following after him as he turned around and led the way back to his office. Once there, he held the tent flap open for her, allowing her to enter first which she quickly did and then stood just inside the tent as he walked in behind her and moved over to his desk. Only when he had sat and gestured for her to sit as well did she allow herself to move over and take the offered chair on the other side of the desk. She sat up as straight as ever, her face composed even as he studied her.  
  
Finally the man sighed, shaking his head.  
  
“Lieutenant, you don't have to act so put-together,” he informed her quietly, his own face showing his sorrow. “What happened to Fio is a tragedy, and you are allowed to feel that.”  
  
“This is war, Captain,” she replied simply, her facial expression not changing in the slightest. “People die during war. We all knew this when we signed up; Private First Class Johnson knew it when he signed up just as well.” Saying his name made her throat burn, caused her stomach to drop, but she forced herself to say it nevertheless. She both believed in her words and knew they were a load of shit. “Many other good men have died while I have been here, and more died before. More will die after.”  
  
The Captain looked at her intensely when he said to her, “Perhaps. But none of the soldiers who died before were under your command. I know how hard it is to lose one of your own, and I know the guilt you feel.”  
  
She met his eye when she told him, “I did everything right. I have nothing to feel guilty about.”  
  
And it was true, she did. She had done everything right at every moment, during the mission, during her entire time in the Marines, and hell, even during the past almost six years. She had done _everything_ right. But that didn't even begin to make her feel any better, or stop the guilt from eating away at her insides until there was nothing left of her. She had done everything right, and still she had lost someone who had looked to her to lead him home safely. She had failed, and her failure had come at the cost of Fio's life. Nothing was right about that. Nothing would ever be right about that, but she didn't have to let the Captain know that.  
  
She was pretty sure he knew it anyway, though. She could see it in his eyes, the pain of knowing someone he had been counted on to keep alive had died anyway, even when he had done everything in his power to prevent it. She made sure her own pain didn't reflect in the same way.  
  
He sighed, letting his shoulders droop as his breath left him. He brought up one of his hands, rubbing the side of his face as though he was trying to push back a memory that threatened to spill forth. “No,” he finally agreed, his tone quiet, “No, you don't have anything to feel guilty about. But you feel guilty nonetheless.” He looked at her once again, his eyebrows down, his face serious. “You cannot bottle up your emotions, Lexa,” he told her, “You can''t keep it all inside. If you do...,” he closed his eyes again before he murmured, “If you do, it will eat away at you.” Opening his eyes, he met her piercing gaze and didn't back down. “You don't need to talk to me about it, Lieutenant, but you'll need to find someone. Bottling everything up inside...” He shook his head. “It'll kill you just as quickly as any bullet will, and it'll be a hundred times more painful.”  
  
She let his words wash over her but couldn't bring herself to truly listen to them. The emotions she felt were too real, too raw, and she couldn't let them take control for fear of losing herself in them. So instead she just shoved them farther away, ignoring her burning throat and eyes even as she continued to maintain eye contact with her superior.  
  
After a long moment, Captain Rivo just sighed, shaking his head.  
  
“You're dismissed, Lieutenant,” he informed her, waving his hand at her, “Return to the infirmary and get some rest so that your stitches don't open back up. I don't want to hear anything about you giving any of the medics a hard time.”  
  
“Sir,” she replied with a nod as she stood up, and then turned to exit the tent.  
  
As she left, she heard the Captain let out one more sigh, and she only clenched her jaw tighter, refusing to show the slightest hint of emotion.  
  
She could not allow herself to be weak; she had too many people counting on her.  


***

_Two Months Later_

  


Bellamy heard the knock on his door and jumped up from his chair in the living room, sprinting to the door. He was a little surprised he hadn't heard a car pull up, but then, being on the third floor of his apartment complex put him pretty far away from the parking lot. Reaching the door, he grabbed the doorknob and twisted it, grinning down as he pulled the door open.  
  
“Hey Princess, glad to see ya,” he informed the blonde, stepping back and holding the door wider for her as she returned the smile. He noticed the smile didn't reach her eyes, but he didn't comment on it. After living with O for so long and basically living with the Princess and Raven, he knew better than to comment on a woman's emotions. They'd all come out eventually.  
  
“Thanks,” Clarke replied, stepping into the apartment so that he could shut the door behind her. She held up the six-pack she had in her hand, adding, “I brought a gift for letting me come over with basically no warning.”  
  
He grabbed the six-pack from her and led the way back into his living room, setting it down on his little side table as he joked, “Ah, you didn't need to do that, but I'll definitely take it. You know you're welcome here any time.” He moved over to his tiny kitchen to grab the bottle opener while she sat on the couch and took two of the bottles from the case. Coming back into the room, he tossed the bottle opener to her and she caught it before expertly removing the top off the first bottle and handing it to him, which he happily accepted.  
  
“I know I didn't need to, but I wanted to,” she told him, opening her own bottle and then taking a quick sip of the beer. She closed her eyes at the taste and he remembered that she usually wasn't much of a beer drinker. Opening them again and looking at the bottle she added, “It just... feels like a night where a little something is needed.”  
  
Again, he saw something flash in her blue eyes, and again he knew that she hadn't come over just to hang out. When she'd called two hours ago out of the blue and asked what he was up to, he had been thrilled to hear that she was on her way to town and wanted to hang out if he was available, but by the time they had hung up, he had known that something was up. Her tone hadn't sounded right, as though she was trying to sound happier than she was, and he could see that same expression on her face now as she looked up at him, her smile not even coming close to meeting her eyes. The Clarke Griffin he knew was not one to try to hide her emotions, so he knew something was wrong.  
  
Still, he knew better than to pry. She'd come here for a reason: she'd tell him whatever it was when she was ready.  
  
“I could use a little something every night,” he joked, grinning at her and clearly trying to lighten her mood.  
  
Clarke rolled her eyes at that, but couldn't stop the smile from forming on her face.  
  
“What, Bellamy Blake isn't getting any?” she asked, teasing him. “What's up with that? Raven have enough of you, finally?”  
  
He rose his eyebrows, his lips turning up in a smirk as he informed her, “Hey, she never gets enough of me. She and I can go all night, no problem.” He winked at her when she scrunched up her nose and then held up her hand.  
  
“Alright, that's enough, I don't need to hear what you and Raven do all night,” she told him, “In fact, I don't need to hear what you and any of your women do all night.” He chuckled while she took another sip of her beer, leaning back further into the couch.  
  
“Whatever you say Princess, but they are some _great_ stories,” he informed her, and she just rolled her eyes again. “You can just ask Raven if you don't believe me.”  
  
“Oh, believe me, I have heard more than I ever wanted to know about your sex life from Raven,” she grimaced, clearly remembering details that she wished Raven had never put in her head.  
  
He just grinned and took a long swig of his own beer, grabbing the remote from the little table beside him and turning on the TV so it could play quietly in the background. He flipped through the channels, trying to find something that would interest them both but that they also wouldn't mind talking through.  
  
Clarke looked down at her beer bottle, picking at the label while Bellamy flipped through the channels aimlessly.  
  
“So if you and Raven have so much fun together, why aren't you guys dating?” she asked, trying to hide anything other than mild interest from her tone. “I mean, you two have been screwing around since high school, but have never actually given dating a try. Why?”  
  
Bellamy just shrugged, his eyes not leaving the TV.  
  
“We're just not the dating kind, I guess,” he replied easily, “At least, not together. We're great friends with benefits, but neither of us wants a serious thing with the other. It works for us. Why you ask?”  
  
“I've just... been thinking about relationships a lot lately, I guess,” she finally answered quietly, “You know, what makes one good, what makes one not as good. You and Raven have something good, even though you're not even really together. That's just... interesting, I guess. And Octavia and Lincoln, they've obviously got something great.”  
  
“They better, if they're gonna get married,” he scoffed, and then shot her a grin and added, “And you and Jaime, you guys've got something great too.”  
  
She went quiet for a minute, her head down, and he didn't think much of it until he heard her murmur, “Had.”  
  
He paused in his channel surfing, putting the remote down as he looked at her questioningly.  
  
“Huh?” he asked, not entirely sure he'd heard her right.  
  
“Had,” she told him, speaking a little louder, and when she lifted her head he saw the tears in her eyes. “We had something great. We broke up.”  
  
In a flash Bellamy was out of his chair and on the couch next to her, flying into big brother mode just like that. He reached out and touched her arm, rubbing it soothingly.  
  
“Clarke I... I'm sorry,” he told her, everything about him serious now. “What happened?”  
  
“I just... I broke up with him,” she said hoarsely, the words getting caught in her throat. “I just, I couldn't do it anymore. It, it wasn't fair. It wasn't fair to him, and I had to, had to do it. I couldn't keep leading him on. It wasn't fair. He was looking for forever, and... and I wasn't. I already know who my forever is.”  
  
Bellamy Blake never claimed to be a genius, but luckily it didn't take one to know who Clarke was referring to. He continued to rub her arm encouragingly as he asked simply, “Lexa?”  
  
The tears spilled over at her name.  
  
“Y-yeah,” she told him, “Lexa's my... my forever. Jaime's... Jaime's just not.” She let out a watery laugh then, before she added, “I love Jaime, I really do. It's not like, like he was just someone to keep my bed warm while I wait for her to come back. It wasn't like that. I love him, and if... If there was no Lexa, if I had never met her, I could marry Jaime, and I'd be happy. I know I would. But there is a Lexa. There's always been a Lexa, and I can't pretend anymore. I can't pretend she doesn't mean everything to me. I love Jaime, but I don't exist without Lexa. Not really.”  
  
Bellamy listened to her, and he thought he understood. Not exactly, sure, because he had never felt the kind of love that Clarke was talking about, but on some level. He wasn't sure if he believed in soulmates or that true love Disney crap, but if it did exist, Lexa was Clarke's, and he'd kind of always suspected it. He'd liked Jaime, thought he was a good guy and enjoyed hanging out with him, but he remembered what Clarke had been like with Lexa, and in comparison, the relationships just weren't the same. Which sure, what two relationships are the same, but this was different. This was like finding two pieces of a puzzle that could fit together, and finding a puzzle that was only comprised of two pieces. Those two pieces made up the whole, big picture, and they were all the other piece needed to be complete. That was what he'd seen with Clarke and Lexa: they were each others' other piece. Or, at least it seemed like Lexa was Clarke's other piece. He didn't know Lexa as well, so guessed he couldn't say for sure. Either way, Jaime just hadn't fit together with the blonde the way Lexa had.  
  
“I get it,” he replied, leaning forward and pulling her in for a hug as more tears fell down her cheeks. “I do...” he trailed off, not sure he should voice his next thought.  
  
Clarke must have heard the “but” that he didn't say, because she pulled back slightly so she could look up at him. She raised an eyebrow at him, almost making him want to laugh at the fact that she could still give him her signature Clarke-look even while crying.  
  
“What, Bellamy?” she asked. “There's definitely a but coming with that.”  
  
He rubbed the back of his head nervously with one hand, making his already messy hair even messier. He sighed then, and asked her as gently as he could, “How do you know Lexa still feels the same way for you, Clarke? I mean, you guys haven't seen each other for, what, almost six years? How do you know she hasn't moved on?”  
  
Clarke paused for a second, and he was glad to see she was really thinking about his words, before she shrugged and met his eyes again.  
  
“I don't,” she replied quietly, “I have no idea. But even if she has moved on, I can't string Jaime along when I know I belong with someone else, when I know I want to be with someone else. He doesn't deserve that. And if she has moved on, then... then I'll figure it out. But I have to stop lying to myself and telling myself that I'm over her. I'm not. I'm just...” She looked up, trying to find the right words, and then just sighed, “Really, really not.”  
  
He nodded, accepting the answer without question. Honestly, he thought it was really big of her to be able to look at it all that way, and it just reminded him of how much they were all growing up. They weren't kids anymore, and it was in moments like this that he really knew it.  
  
He wrapped his arms back around her, pulling her close again as he murmured, “I'm proud of ya, Princess. You're one hell of a good person, and you deserve the love that you're looking for.”  
  
He felt her smile into his shirt, even as she continued to cry.  
  
“I'm not looking for anything,” he heard her say into his chest, “I've already found it. I found it when I was sixteen.”  
  
He grinned and nodded, his chin rubbing against the top of her head.  
  
They stayed that way for a while longer, until all of Clarke's tears had dried and she pulled back, giving him a thankful smile. He just nodded to her, grinning back, and they sat together on the couch, their attention moving to the television and whatever channel Bellamy had landed on before dropping the remote and moving to the couch. It was some crime show neither of them had ever heard of, but neither of them cared enough to get up and change the channel, so they just settled into the couch, Clarke leaning against Bellamy's side and his arm casually wrapped around her shoulders.  
  
After a while of neither of them saying anything, Bellamy suddenly asked, “Not to sound like I'm not happy, but why'd you come to me with all this? Why not go to O or Raven?”  
  
Clarke just rolled her eyes, shaking her head slightly against his shoulder even as her lips curled into a smile.  
  
“Octavia would have started freaking out if I had told her and starting crying. She'd have been afraid I was falling apart like I did Freshmen year of college,” she replied easily. “Raven never really liked Jaime anyway, so she probably would have told me I was better off without him or something like that. I know it would have been to try to make me feel better, but that's not really what I wanted to hear. You were the safest choice.”  
  
He scoffed before telling her, “Glad to know I'm your safe choice. You're gonna tell them though, right?”  
  
“Yeah,” she sighed, “I'm going to tell them. I kind of have to, since they're my two best friends, and since this means Jaime won't be coming to the wedding anymore. I just didn't want to have my initial breakdown with either of them. Better to tell them both when I can be more composed.”  
  
Bellamy raised his eyebrows at the mention of the wedding.  
  
“Oh yeah, that's right, Lexa's gonna be at the wedding, isn't she?” he asked, and when the blonde nodded, he grinned. “Well I guess we'll all get to find out just what's gonna happen sooner than we thought. It's definitely going to be an interesting wedding now.”  
  
“It's Octavia's wedding, I'm not going to draw attention away from her,” Clarke argued, though a small part of her thought that Bellamy might be right.  
  
“Nah,” he replied, “You're not gonna draw any attention away from her. You're just gonna see the ex that you still love who you haven't seen in six years. Nobody'll notice you at all. Especially since you're one of the maids-of-honor and she's gonna be a groomsmen.” He paused, then corrected himself. “Groomswoman. Groomslady?”  
  
“Yeah, well, it's still gonna be O's big day, so it's going to be all about her,” Clarke insisted, and then she added, “Seeing Lexa is just going to be a plus. Hopefully a big, big plus.”  
  
Bellamy grinned and simply shook his head.  
  
“I have a feeling it's gonna be a fun time for all of us,” he informed Clarke, and the blonde had to admit that she thought he might be right. She definitely hoped so.  


***

_Four Months Later  
September 12th_

  


“I don't know about this anymore guys,” Octavia muttered, her fingers clenched tightly around the bag in her lap.  
  
Clarke looked into the rear-view mirror just long enough to see the brunette shift nervously, her eyes staring out the window and her eyebrows pulled down in worry.  
  
“Seriously O, you're getting cold-feet already?” Raven scoffed, turning around in the passenger's seat to give the almost-bride a look. “I mean, this is Lincoln you're about to marry.”  
  
Octavia's head snapped forward, her eyebrows lifting up as she hurriedly replied, “No no no, I'm not getting second thoughts on Lincoln! God no. I'm just getting second thoughts on everything else. Like, did we pick the right place for the reception? Did we pick the right colors? Is there going to be enough food for everyone? Did I choose the right kind of flowers for my bouquet and the center pieces? What if Lincoln doesn't actually like any of it, and he's just humoring me and I chose everything all wrong?” She slumped forward in her seat, lightly hitting her forehead against the side of Clarke's seat, letting out a groan. “We should have just eloped. It would have been so much easier.”  
  
Clarke wanted to laugh, but thought that might not be the proper response to help Octavia calm down, so instead she just said soothingly, “Hey, relax. First of all, Lincoln would have told you if there was anything that he didn't want or like, and second, I doubt he even really cares because he's finally getting to marry you. And third, you had the help of your two amazing maids-of-honor picking everything out, so it's all going to be fabulous.”  
  
“Yeah O, you know we wouldn't let you choose anything stupid for your big day,” Raven added, reaching back and giving Octavia's leg a friendly nudge. “So stop worrying, and just get excited. You're getting married tomorrow, and you are gonna be one hot bride, surrounded by some equally hot maids-of-honor.” She winked at the smaller girl, who finally grinned and shook her head.  
  
“And what are Harper and Monroe?” she asked, raising one eyebrow.  
  
Raven shrugged and replied, “Almost as hot bridesmaids. They aren't quite to our level, but they're close. All in all, you've just got one hot bridal party, and we are all there to make you look good, and trust me when I say you will.”  
  
Octavia just shook her head again, but the grin on her face only grew. It only faltered slightly as Clarke pulled into the hotel parking lot, saying, “And at last we are here. Time to get this party started!”  
  
They found a parking spot and quickly got out of the car, each of them stretching to get the kinks out of their systems from the long car ride. After the kinks were out, they unloaded the car, grabbing their suitcases and carefully packed dresses before they made their way into the hotel.  
  
Stepping inside the lobby, Clarke looked at the clock on the wall behind the reception desk and then turned to her two friends.  
  
“Alright, we've got about two hours before the wedding rehearsal is supposed to begin, so I say we check into our rooms, and then meet up in an hour to get ready and get there early,” she told them, and though Octavia had started to look a little paler than usual, they both nodded.  
  
“Sounds like a plan to me!” Raven replied, and then led the way to the reception desk, her bad leg not slowing her down at all.  
  
Clarke and Octavia followed her, and when they reached the desk, Clarke said to the receptionist there, “Hello, we're here to check in. We're part of the Birch/Blake wedding party.”  
  
The man smiled, his eyes running over them and landing on Octavia. Apparently he knew a nervous bride when he saw one, because after he checked them in and handed over the key-cards for their rooms, he told her, “Congratulations, Miss Blake. You must be very excited.”  
  
She gave him a little smile and replied, “Yeah, that's one word for it. Excited. Nervous. Terrified. All of the above.”  
  
The man's smile just grew, clearly having heard the same thing many times before.  
  
“Well let me just say that I think Mr. Birch is a very lucky man,” he informed her, “I can see you are going to be a beautiful bride tomorrow.”  
  
“Thank you,” Octavia said, her smile growing, to which he just nodded.  
  
As they turned away from the desk and made their way over to the elevator, Raven leaned towards the other brunette and muttered to her, “Okay, so if you do get cold feet and need to run away with someone, now we know who you can run away with. And he's even pretty cute.”  
  
Octavia laughed, but informed her, “Raven, I have no intention of running away with anyone other than maybe Lincoln.”  
  
Raven just shrugged, saying, “Alright, maybe I'll run away with him then. He was pretty attractive, and I've got no one tying me down.”  
  
“That's fine, but you better wait until _after_ the wedding tomorrow to do it,” Octavia told her, poking her arm as they reached the elevator and Clarke reached forward and pressed the button for them. “I don't need to be short a maid-of-honor for my wedding. Who will Anya walk down the aisle with if you're not there? She'll be crushed.”  
  
Raven rolled her eyes, scowling slightly.  
  
“Yeah, I'm sure she'll be real devastated,” she replied, as the elevator doors opened before them and they all stepped inside. “I still can't believe you paired me up with her.”  
  
Octavia just shrugged, clearly not too concerned with Raven's complaining. She had heard it all before, after all.  
  
“Anya's Lincoln's sister, therefore a best man... woman..., just like Bellamy's a best man since he's my brother,” she said, not for the first time, and Clarke grinned as she knew exactly what Raven was going to say. They had had this conversation many times before.  
  
“Yeah, so why couldn't I be with Bellamy?” Raven nearly whined as the elevator doors shut and Clarke pressed the buttons needed for their respective floors. As the elevator began to move, Raven continued, “Clarke could be with Anya. Anya actually likes her.” The blonde raised her eyebrows at that, giving Raven a look, and the brunette gave in. “Okay, so 'likes' might be a strong word, but Clarke can put up with her way better than I can.”  
  
“Hey, that's just the way it turned out,” Octavia replied, her tone clearly telling Raven she could complain all she wanted but it wasn't going to change anything. “Lincoln and I put your names in a hat, and this is what fate decided. Besides, Clarke is less likely to sneak off with Bellamy for a quickie before the wedding.”  
  
“Way less likely,” Clarke added, “Like, it would never happen. Ever.”  
  
“Hmph,” Raven just grumbled, but then the scowl on her face melted away as a grin took over. “Yeah, cause you might be too busy having a quickie with someone else. What time is Lexa's plane supposed to arrive?”  
  
Clarke nearly blushed as her heart started to beat a little faster. Octavia was the one to answer Raven's question.  
  
“She should be here just in time for the rehearsal,” she informed them both. “That's what she told us in her last letter, at least. And as for the quickie thing, I know Clarke loves me enough that she won't do that to me on my wedding day. She knows I'll already be nervous enough that a missing maid-of-honor might push me over the edge.” The look she gave Clarke at that was very pointed, as though to tell her, “Don't you even dare try it.”  
  
Clarke just shook her head, her lips turning up into a smile.  
  
“First of all, there is no guarantee Lexa still has any feelings for me at all, so we probably won't be having any sex,” she informed them, and then she threw an arm around Octavia's shoulders, pulling the smaller girl closer to her. “Second, I wouldn't do anything that might stress you out anymore than you're already going to be, O. Tomorrow is your day, and I am going to make sure it goes off without a hitch. Which,” she turned to give a pointed look at Raven, “Means no one sneaks off for any quickies. No one.”  
  
The other girl just shrugged before throwing her own arm around Octavia's shoulders from the other side so that they were both leaning on her.  
  
“I can deal with that,” she told them. “I can wait until after you're married to sneak off with your brother, O. Consider it a wedding gift.”  
  
“Gee, thanks,” Octavia replied, rolling her eyes, but she couldn't really contain the smile that threatened to break out on her face.  
  
The elevator stopped and Clarke looked back down at her key-card.  
  
“This is my floor,” she informed them, stepping out of the love-fest and grabbing a hold of her suitcase again. As she stepped off the elevator, she turned back and said to them, “So we'll meet back up in the lobby in an hour, yeah?” They nodded to her as the doors began to close, and then the elevator continued up to take them to their own floors.  
  
Clarke took another quick look at her key-card and then scanned the doors around her.  
  
“214,” she muttered, reading off her own room number and then she began to make her way down the hall, scanning each door as she passed it. Finally she found the one with “214” hanging on the outside, and she sighed in relief as she used the key-card to open it. She was tired from the drive and thought about laying in the nice big bed she found made up perfectly against one wall after she entered, but a nervous energy buzzed inside her making any kind of relaxing impossible. So instead she decided to unpack her suitcase so that she could feel a little more situated. She hung her dress up first, carefully smoothing out the couple of wrinkles that had formed during the drive, and then grabber her toiletry bag and moved to the bathroom, setting everything in its place.  
  
As she placed her toothbrush and toothpaste on the sink counter, she noticed the slight tremble in her hands and let out a loud breath to try to steady herself and get back in control of her own body. She knew why her body was behaving like this, but had been trying so hard not to think about it. Lexa was coming home: not for good, not even for very long, but she was coming home, and Clarke would finally see her again after far too many years. The idea made her want to dance and to throw-up, all at the same time. She didn't know if she was ready, didn't know if Lexa even still cared about her the way Clarke cared for the brunette, but it didn't really matter; Lexa was coming home, and Clarke's heart couldn't stop pounding against her chest just at the thought of seeing her again. Soon, she thought, as she looked up at her own reflection, _You'll see her again very, very soon._  
  
The thought did nothing to calm down the beating of her heart. Nothing at all.  


 

***

For the fourth time in as many minutes, Lexa glanced at the clock on the dashboard in the front seat. It was all she could do to stop the annoyed sigh from escaping her lips, or her fingers from clenching against her pants from her nerves. She wanted to insist the man in the front seat drive faster, to tell him that she was already very late and needed to be there now, but she didn't, instead remaining quiet where she sat. After all, it wasn't this man's fault that her flight had been delayed two and a half hours. She could even see that he was already driving a bit over the speed limit, so perhaps her impatience was obvious without the needed pressure of having a backseat driver. And really, she had no real reason to be so impatient, since it wasn't like she was running late for the actual wedding. It was only the rehearsal that she was missing, which honestly wasn't that big a deal, but she had left her unit for this, had taken time off specifically so that she could a part of Lincoln and Octavia's celebration, and being neither there nor with her unit seemed to be a major waste of her time.  
  
(She did a decent job of ignoring the part of her which was whispering about how she was really only upset because she would have seen Clarke by now if her flight hadn't been delayed. She'd become very good at ignoring that voice in her head. For the most part, at least.)  
  
Finally the taxi pulled up to the entrance of the hotel address Lincoln had given her, and Lexa quickly exited the cab, giving the man a little more than what the meter told her she owed for putting up with her impatience. He nodded, thanked her, and then drove away, and Lexa was left standing at the entrance to the hotel, her heart suddenly beating loudly in her chest. She took a deep breath, her grip tightening on the handle to her luggage, and then she moved forward, her head held high and her back straight, her face in the same neutral expression it always wore lately.  
  
Entering the lobby, she quickly scanned the room, a habit that had formed from two and a half years of active duty. Seeing the reception desk, she made her way over to it, having a hard time keeping her pace steady and not rushing like her body wanted her to. Reaching it, the man behind it stood up a little straighter, no doubt due to the dress blues she wore, clearly marking her as military.  
  
“How can I help you?” the man asked, respect in his voice as he gave her a smile.  
  
“I am Liuet-,” she paused, and then simply said, “I am Lexa Woods. I'm here for the Blake/Birch wedding, and I am afraid I am a little late. Can you tell me where the wedding rehearsal is taking place?”  
  
“I believe the wedding rehearsal itself is over. However, I believe the rehearsal dinner has yet to start,” he told her, quickly scanning some papers in front of him and then turning around and grabbing a key-card from the wall behind him. He handed it to her with a smile, and then said, “Here is the key to your room. If you would like, I can escort you to where the dinner is taking place.” She nodded, and he turned and gestured behind him, and a woman came out of a small room behind the desk to take his place. As soon as she got there, he walked around the counter to lead the way. Before he could however, he saw her suitcase still firmly in her grip. “Lieutenant, would you like one of our bell-hops to take your suitcase to your room for you, so you won't have to carry it around for the rest of the night?” he asked her, gesturing to the luggage.  
  
“That would be very helpful, actually,” she replied, and he smiled again before taking the luggage from her and once again turning to the woman taking his place behind the counter.  
  
“Have this taken to Lexa Woods's room please, Maggie,” he told her, and the woman nodded, taking the suitcase from him. Once done, he turned back to her and simply said, “This way, Lieutenant,” and led the way out of the lobby and down a long hall.  
  
As they walked, Lexa felt her heartbeat quicken further. She hadn't seen any of these people for years, and coming home like this was both a welcome relief and incredibly nerve wracking. She wasn't entirely sure she knew how to act around civilians anymore, especially the ones who she had once been so close to. The thought of seeing them all excited and terrified her at the same time, but she forced those feelings back, her face never showing a hint of the way a bundle of nerves had settled in her stomach.  
  
Finally the man stopped outside two large doors, telling her, “The Birch/Blake party is just inside. If there is anything you need at all during your stay, Lieutenant Woods, please don't be afraid to ask.”  
  
She thanked him, and he nodded, before turning and heading back to the lobby. She was glad he hadn't stayed to see her inside, because now she was able to take a second to gather her thoughts. She took a deep breath, attempting to calm her heart down, and then reached out and grasped the door knob firmly. Taking another second, she closed her eyes, breathing deeply through her nose, and then opened them again before she turned the handle and pushed the door open. She stepped inside the room, and as she did so, she felt all eyes turn to her, and the conversations that had been taking place suddenly stopped, everyone going quiet. She scanned the room, seeing many familiar faces and some not familiar ones, but her eyes didn't stop moving until they found the blue gaze she had subconsciously sought out. Her breath caught in her throat as those blue eyes turned to her, their piercing look having the same effect on her they had over six years ago.  
  
The room was full of people, but the only person Lexa really saw was her.  
  
_Clarke..._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed the chapter! Sorry for another kind of cliffhanger ending, but I think I'm going to be making up for it in the next chapter. Also, thanks to those of you who reached and and talked to me on tumblr about the story so far. I love talking to you guys, so if anyone wants to talk some more, again, my url is clarkethewanheda. Thanks again everyone!


	18. Chapter 18

Clarke stood on the far side of the room, talking to two girls Lexa didn't recognize. She thought she saw the other girl's blue eyes brighten when Lexa met her gaze, but it could have just been a trick of the light. She did notice the subtle nod the blonde gave her, and the way her lips curved up into a small smile even as the other two girls continued to talk to her. Lexa wanted to go right over to her and touch her, to prove to herself that the other girl was really there, but she didn't want to interrupt their conversation, and to be honest, she felt a little overwhelmed even just seeing the blonde again. For years now she had dreamed about her, thought about her, yearned to see her again, but now that she was so close by, Lexa was almost afraid to go over to her. What if she had moved on? What if she no longer felt the same way Lexa felt about her? The fear of learning a hard truth kept her rooted in place, but as others moved towards her, she could pretend she wasn't allowing her worry to stop her.  
  
Anya was the first person to make her way to the Lieutenant, and as much as Lexa found it hard to tear her eyes away from the blonde, she felt her nervousness dwindle slightly as her best friend approached. Her lips curled up into a smile, unable to hide how happy she was to see the other girl. It wasn't until that moment she realized how much she had truly missed Anya.  
  
“I thought military personnel were supposed to be punctual,” she said, but Lexa could see the corners of her lips rising as well. In return, Lexa's eyebrows rose, though she couldn't wipe the smile off her face no matter how hard she tried.  
  
“Normally I am very punctual,” she replied casually, “But unfortunately I have no control over airports and airways. My flight was delayed.”  
  
“That is no excuse,” Anya informed her, probably only slightly joking, and then looked around the room. “I was left to fend for myself among all of them. I don't forgive you for that. You're lucky I didn't strangle anyone.”  
  
“Aw c'mon Anya, you know you like us,” Raven sang out, throwing her arm around the other girl's shoulder as she entered their conversation. “Admit it, we're all starting to rub off on you. Soon you won't be able to deny your love for us.”  
  
Anya's nose scrunched up, shooting a look at Raven before shrugging her arm off of her.  
  
“I find that doubtful,” she muttered, and Raven just rolled her eyes at her.  
  
“Whatever, I know you love me,” she informed her, and then turned to Lexa, scanning her, taking in her uniform and probably every detail she could. Lexa met her gaze when her eyes reached her face, and suddenly Raven's face broke into a big grin. “Damn Lexa, you look great! I don't think I've ever truly appreciated a woman in uniform quite so much.”  
  
Lexa just grinned at her while Anya rolled her eyes, asking the dark-haired girl, “I'm sorry, but aren't you straight? Why are you hitting on her?”  
  
Raven's eyebrows rose as she turned to Anya, and she informed her, “First of all, I am not hitting on her, I am being my wonderfully awesome self by telling her that she looks fantastic, which,” she turned back to Lexa, “By the way, you totally do,” and then she turned back to Anya and continued, “Second, I already have a date for this shindig of ours, and it would be totally rude to hit on anyone other than him, even if they are hella fine, which,” she turned back to Lexa again, “By the way, you totally are.” She then once again turned back to Anya, and finished, “And third, just because I am, yes, straight, does not mean I cannot appreciate a beautiful woman when I see one, which,” one final time she turned to Lexa, “You absolutely are.”  
  
Anya just rolled her eyes, but Lexa grinned, shaking her head. She had somehow forgotten about Raven's tendency to turn any situation humorous, and only now realized how much she appreciated that talent. It was definitely not one of her own talents. She doubted she had ever made anyone in her unit laugh. Honestly she wasn't even sure if anyone in her unit knew she even could laugh. Having Raven around made laughing easy, something she realized she had missed.  
  
“Thank you Raven, even though you are straight I take all of your compliments to heart,” she replied, and Raven's grin just grew.  
  
“Well yeah, of course you do, it's me,” she joked, and then her body language changed, something Lexa immediately picked up on, and she said, “But seriously Lexa, it's great to see you again. It's been way too fucking long. We've all missed you.”  
  
Lexa's heart tugged at the “we,” and she only just managed to stop looking past the dark-haired girl to the blonde who she knew was still talking on the far side of the room. She ignored the want to look, however, and just returned Raven's smile, telling her, “It is wonderful to see you too, Raven. I've missed you as well.”  
  
For a few minutes the three of them talked, catching up on each others lives. Lexa didn't tell them much about her, but she happily listened to them talk about their own lives. Anya had started working for a publishing company three years ago, and was in the process of researching for a book she wanted to write, none of which surprised Lexa in the least. Raven had taken over the mechanic shop she worked at and had been running that place on her own for almost two and a half years now. She didn't mention the leg brace she wore, but she didn't need to: Lincoln and Octavia had both written to her about Raven's accident, and while she might not have all the details, she knew all she needed to know about it. If Raven didn't want to mention it, Lexa didn't need to ask about it, knowing how much most people hated it when their injuries were the one thing people wanted to comment on. She'd met many Marines with similar or worse injuries, and they had often told her what an annoyance it was whenever anyone asked about them. And as their discussion progressed, Lexa noticed Raven relax ever so slightly, and she thought it might have to do with that. Whether it did or not, Lexa didn't ask, and Raven never mentioned anything about it.  
  
At one point Anya walked away and returned with three glasses of wine, handing one to each of them. Lexa accepted hers with a thanks, though it had been some time since she last drank wine. Beer was a common drink among the Marines, almost as common as water, but something as fancy as wine never seemed to make it anywhere near the base. Slowly Lexa sipped at the pale liquid, and while it wasn't something she loved or would even choose to drink, it quenched her thirst. Anya and Raven both sipped on their drinks casually, as though used to the drink, which for all Lexa knew, they both were.  
  
As they continued to talk, Lexa peered around the room. A couple of tables were set up with food on them, and people kept wandering over to them and putting the many small hors d'oeurvres on plates before they returned to whatever conversations they were having. Lexa's stomach flipped slightly at the thought of eating. She had learned that she was not a particularly good flier, and often plane rides left her feeling off, to the point that the idea of eating anything just made her feel slightly sick. As it was, it was hard enough for her to sip on the sweet wine, so she didn't even want to think about what might happen if she tried to eat anything.  
  
Other than the food tables, there were a few others set up with white tablecloths and candles on them, the candles all lit and creating a calm, easy air in the room. A few people sat at them, picking at their food and talking. At a far table Lexa saw the bride and groom sitting with a woman the Marine just managed to recognize as Octavia's mother. Also at the table were Lincoln and Anya's parents, a couple Lexa had known very well when she was younger from all the time she spent at their house. At another table she saw Jasper and Monty, along with a girl Lexa didn't recognize. Not far away from the table she saw Bellamy standing and talking to a man she didn't know, seemingly deep in conversation. Other than Clarke, Lexa didn't recognize anyone else in the room.  
  
When there was a lull in the conversation, Lexa asked Raven, “Who are all these people? Are they all in the wedding party?”  
  
Raven looked around and shrugged before she replied, “Most of them, yeah. The guy talking to Bellamy is Lincoln's friend Nyko. They were roommates in college, and apparently hit it off. He's a groomsmen. The girls in the corner talking to Clarke are Harper and Monroe. They were Clarke and Octavia's neighbors in the dorm in college, and they all became pretty close. The chick sitting with Monty and Jasper is Maya. She's Jasper's girlfriend.”  
  
Lexa had to physically stop herself from inadvertently spitting the sip of wine she'd just taken back into her glass. Raven just grinned as she watched Lexa's eyes widen.  
  
“I'm sorry, I could have sworn you just said that Jasper has a girlfriend,” Lexa said, the disbelief evident in her voice. Raven just nodded.  
  
“Yeah, I know, it surprised all of us too,” the dark-haired girl replied, “I'm still trying to figure out what's wrong with her that she would want to date our Jasper, but hey, she seems pretty cool so far.”  
  
Lexa just shook her head, having a hard time believing it. Moving past the surprise, she took another small sip of her wine, her eyes darting around the room again, this time looking for a specific someone. Since she didn't actually know what that specific someone looked like, she casually asked, “So uh, where's Clarke's boyfriend? Jaime, right?”  
  
As Raven grinned, Anya just rolled her eyes.  
  
“Subtle, Lexa,” she informed her before taking a big gulp of her wine. “Really subtle.”  
  
Lexa shot her a glare which did nothing to faze her (her glare worked miracles on the men in her unit, but did absolutely nothing to her best friend. She briefly wondered what Anya's glare would do to her men, but then she mentally shook her head. Even she had a hard time withstanding Anya's glare: it would destroy them), and Raven just continued grinning, ignoring the other girl.  
  
“So you heard about him, huh?” she asked, and Lexa nodded, trying to keep the expression on her face bland. She wasn't sure she was entirely successful (why, she didn't know, since she had spent months now hiding away every emotion from those around her), but Raven just shrugged nonchalantly. “Eh, he's long gone,” she informed the Lieutenant. “Clarke ended it with him a few months ago. He was alright I guess, but I knew he wasn't going to last. I called it from the very beginning of their relationship, though obviously I didn't tell Clarke that.”  
  
Lexa peered into her wine glass, trying to only seem partially interested as she asked, “Oh? Why did you think that?”  
  
Again Anya rolled her eyes, but this time Lexa didn't dignify it with a glare. Raven just shrugged, waving her almost empty glass in front of her slightly as she said, “I just knew. I'm just that good at predicting things, I guess.” A suspicious smirk grew on her lips, and Lexa noticed her giving her a smug look as she continued, “Especially when it comes to Clarke and her love life. When it comes to that, I'm kinda a genius. Trust me.” She winked, and Lexa simply nodded, not trusting herself to say anything as her heartbeat picked up slightly.  
  
Before her silence could be remarked upon, she heard someone call out, “Lexa!” and then suddenly a body ran into her, their arms thrown around her and gripping her tightly. She was surprised for a moment, and stiffened up, never having been one for hugs and especially not used to them after being on active duty for so long, but then her brain registered Octavia's smile as the smaller girl looked up at her, and she relaxed slightly.  
  
“Hello Octavia,” she said, returning the hug, albeit weakly. Her smile, however, was obvious as she continued, “Congratulations. And thank you for inviting me to be in the wedding. It is an honor.”  
  
“It's our honor,” Lincoln informed her, as he stepped into the circle, Octavia finally pulling away and stepping over to him. Though his smile was small, his eyes were bright, and that told her how happy he was to see her. “Thank you for coming all the way back here for our day.”  
  
“Oh my god, yes, thank you so much Lexa!” Octavia added, her smile nearly splitting her face in half, “I am so incredibly psyched that you made it!”  
  
“I would not have missed it,” Lexa replied, meaning it. She looked at the two of them, practically glowing with happiness, and she couldn't even begin to express how glad she was to be there, so she just smiled at them, and they seemed to understand.  
  
“How have you been? How're the Marines? What's your unit like?” Octavia asked, her questions all coming out in a rush, her eyes glowing with excitement.  
  
Lexa laughed, and then talked a bit about the Marines, not going into much detail, but telling them enough that they all seemed to be hanging on her every word. Not used to so many people so focused on her, she eventually managed to turn the conversation around, asking Octavia about how planning for the wedding had gone, and just like that the subject changed and suddenly she was no longer the center of attention, much to her relief.  
  
Eventually, while in the middle of Octavia and Raven telling some crazy story about wedding dress shopping, Lexa finished her wine and saw that Anya had finished hers too. Motioning to the other girl for her glass, Lexa took it and excused herself, walking over to one of the tables and putting the empty glasses down before moving over to the bar to get a couple of new ones. Just as she was accepting the glasses from the bartender she heard a quiet, “Hi Lexa,” from behind her, and her heart seemed to stop, the wine glasses nearly slipping from her fingers. Taking a short moment to catch her breath, Lexa turned, and suddenly Clarke stood directly in front of her, her gaze shifting nervously across her face.  
  
Oh god, this wasn't good. Clarke looked _good_. No, not just good: Clarke looked _great_. She wore a soft gray dress that clung to her in all the right places, her blonde locks falling over her shoulders just as Lexa remembered, and even as the brunette realized she was staring, she couldn't stop. For the most part, she looked just like Lexa remembered her, but that just meant that she was stunning. She had pictured Clarke so many times in the last six and a half years, had looked at the single picture she kept of her so many times that she hadn't forgotten what she looked like, but seeing her standing there before her, Lexa thought that neither the picture nor her memory had done the blonde girl justice. With her suddenly standing so close that Lexa could reach out and touch her, the brunette's brain seemed to short circuit, unable to think of anything to do other than to stare at the beauty before her.  
  
Luckily after just a moment she was able to pull herself out of it, rather than remain standing there and staring like an idiot. Finally managing to get her vocal cords working again, she replied softly, “Hello Clarke.”  
  
She saw something in the blonde's eyes flash, even as her mouth turned up in a hesitant smile. Her eyes then fell to the two glasses in Lexa's hands and she asked teasingly, “Are you thirsty, Lexa?”  
  
The brunette's eyes fell to the glasses, almost as though she'd forgotten she was holding them before she replied, “Not as much as it may appear. One is Anya's.”  
  
“Ah,” the blonde said, stepping up to the bar, Lexa shifting slightly out of her way, but not far enough that she couldn't feel the body heat radiating off of her. Oh god, she was going to kill her. Reapers with guns Lexa could handle: Clarke being so close to her she clearly could not. Clarke motioned to the bartender and told him, “I'll have a glass of wine too, thank you,” to which he nodded and pulled the bottle back out along with another glass. While she waited, Clarke turned back to Lexa, who of course had remained rooted to the floor, her eyes wandering over her. “You look good, Lexa.”  
  
_Not half as good as you look_ , the Lieutenant thought, but instead she replied, “Thank you, Clarke. You look very good yourself.”  
  
The blonde just smiled at that, and then accepted her drink from the bartender with a thanks. Turning back to Lexa, she gestured to the group that had formed where she had been standing earlier and asked, “Mind if I join you guys?”  
  
Lexa shook her head, telling her, “No, of course not,” and then led the way back to the group, Clarke walking just behind her. She handed Anya her wine, and then moved next to her, taking a long sip of her own drink as Clarke stopped on her other side, seemingly getting invested in the conversation taking place.  
  
Clarke was not invested in the conversation taking place. Though she tried to act as though she had any interest in what was being said, she honestly couldn't focus on anything other than Lexa standing next to her. She “hmmed” and nodded along, as though paying attention, but thank god no one asked for her input because she wouldn't have been able to even guess at whatever they were talking about. Instead she focused on taking side-long glances of the woman standing next to her while trying to calm her heart down. It had started going crazy the moment she saw the brunette enter the room, had continued to beat like mad while Harper and Monroe had talked with her (again, she had no clue what they had been talking about, and if she was able to focus on anything else at the moment, she'd feel kind of bad about that, but there was only one thing on her mind now, and that one thing looked damn good in her uniform). Standing so close to her now, she was a little surprised that nobody else could hear it, it was beating so loudly.  
  
God, Lexa looked amazing. Just... absolutely amazing. Her hair was tied back in a tight braid, her skin so tan that it was obvious she had spent the entire summer out in the sun. Her uniform fit her perfectly, making her look so incredibly composed and regal, and it wasn't until that moment that Clarke realized she had a thing for uniforms (okay, so really she just had a thing for Lexa, but Lexa in uniform was kind of driving her crazy at the moment). Everything about her looked perfect, and all Clarke wanted to do was to reach out and touch her, to prove to herself that she wasn't dreaming (she easily could be: more than once she had woken up from a dream about this exact moment, and more than once it had left her aching for the real thing). She didn't dare to though, partially because she didn't know how Lexa would take that, and partially because she was a little afraid that if she did she would realize that it really was a dream, and if it was, Clarke had no desire to wake up from it. So instead of reaching out, she stuck to her glances, taking in every bit of Lexa's appearance that she could.  
  
The two girls stood there for almost an hour, trying to focus on the conversation and others around them while really only being able to concentrate on the other. People drifted in and out of their circle. Octavia and Lincoln could only stay so long before they had to make the rounds to others waiting to talk to them, but both told Lexa they wanted to talk more later, to which she nodded (she didn't actually know what she nodded to: at that exact moment Clarke had raised her glass to her lips to sip on her wine, and Lexa was too focused on the movement of her mouth to have really heard what they said to her, but she agreed anyway). Bellamy appeared for a while and then left again, and while he was with them Monty and Jasper and Jasper's girlfriend joined the group, both of the boys exclaiming their happiness at seeing Lexa again. Harper and Monroe joined eventually, and so at all times there were enough people around that the conversation could easily flow without either of the distracted girls needing to contribute, which was for the best. The two were so distracted by each other they missed Raven's many smug grins and Anya's many eye rolls.  
  
Finally, when Lexa's wine glass had been empty for a while, she smiled at everyone and excused herself from the group, setting the glass down on a table before she moved back into the hallway, needing to get a little air. She didn't know if it was the wine going to her head or just Clarke's presence so close to her for so long, but her mind felt all jumbled up, and she needed a moment to try to sort it out as she leaned against the far wall. She realized she wasn't going to get that moment, however, when just a minute later the door to the room opened again, and Clarke stepped out, closing the door softly behind her. When she looked up at Lexa with a soft smile, the Lieutenant realized she really didn't care.  
  
“Needed to get away from the crazy?” the blonde asked, and Lexa felt herself smile back.  
  
“For a moment, yes,” she admitted, nodding. “I am not used to so many people being interested in my business, or informing me of theirs anymore.”  
  
Clarke nodded and then moved across the hall to join her, also leaning against the wall close enough to Lexa that they could reach out and touch each other if they wanted. Neither made the move.  
  
“Makes sense,” the blonde agreed, “I mean, I imagine you guys don't talk so much about wedding dress shopping and what you did that one crazy night in college in your unit.”  
  
Lexa let out a single laugh as she shook her head, saying, “No, no we do not talk about those kind of things often in my unit.” Then she stopped and thought about it a moment, remembering some crazy college stories she had heard from her people over the past couple of years. “Well, I do not talk about those kinds of things,” she amended, “Some of my people do, every now and then.”  
  
The blonde tilted her head to one side, her eyes scanning the other girl's face while she stared forward. There was a hardness to Lexa that she didn't remember, a look in her eyes that seemed to close her off, somehow. She had never been the easiest person to read, and certainly not the easiest person to get to know, but now she seemed... different. Clarke couldn't tell if it was a good difference or a bad one, or if it just was, but it was definitely there.  
  
“How are you, Lexa?” she suddenly asked, turning to her, unable to stop the question from bubbling forth, wanting to know more about this stranger riding in the skin of the woman she loved.  
  
The brunette turned to her in surprise, her eyebrows raised as she answered quickly, almost as if she had rehearsed it, “I'm fine Clarke. How are you?”  
  
The smaller girl shook her head as she replied, “No, really, how are you Lexa? How are you doing?”  
  
Her eyes were drawn to the other girl's face as she clenched her teeth slightly, her eyes guarded as she replied, “Really, I am fine.”  
  
Clarke's eyes scanned her face, wanting to push the matter, because clearly she was not fine. She may be able to hide her feelings from others, but even after six and a half years, Clarke still knew her all too well to be fooled. She didn't push the matter, though, because it was clear Lexa didn't want to talk about whatever it was that had made her so guarded, and she didn't think trying to force Lexa to talk about her feelings was the way to go during their first real conversation since she'd left. So she let it drop, and she could see the other girl visibly relax when she did.  
  
“Okay,” she said, as she once again leaned against the wall. “And to answer your question, I'm good too. Especially right now. I'm better right now than I have been in a long time. Even if this is kind of awkward, it's still... It's still just really, really good to see you again, Lexa.”  
  
Lexa felt herself nearly blush as her heart picked up its rhythm, starting to beat almost uncomfortably fast. Finally she murmured softly, “I am glad, and I agree. Even if it is a bit awkward, it is very good to see you again as well, Clarke. Very, very good.”  
  
They smiled at each other for a moment before Clarke reached out hesitantly. She wasn't entirely sure if she should, but she wanted to touch Lexa so badly, to prove to herself that she was really there, that her hand seemed to move of its own accord. Lexa nearly held her breath, finally inhaling again sharply as Clarke's fingers gently touched her bicep before gently curling around the arm. At the contact, they both felt a spark shoot through them, and both felt as though they had suddenly gone light-headed. Lexa moved into the touch, stepping closer to the blonde without fully realizing she was moving, and then she too was reaching out, her own fingers brushing lightly against the blonde's waist. They seemed to gravitate towards each other, the very air around them holding some sort of charge that just drove them together, and in that moment they didn't need to speak to know that they both still cared just as much for the other as they ever had.  
  
After another moment of near indecision, Clarke reached up and gently pressed her finger tips to Lexa's jaw, trailing her fingers along the skin, and Lexa's eyes closed at the touch even as her heart jumped in her chest. Opening them again, Lexa looked down and saw Clarke staring up at her, as if memorizing every detail on her face. Lexa watched the tip of Clarke's tongue poke out, running quickly over her lips as though they had suddenly gone dry, and just the little motion made Lexa's breath nearly hitch in her chest.  
  
“Is it too forward to ask if you'd like to go back to my room?” Clarke asked softly, her tone almost joking, but Lexa could hear both the want and the worry in her voice. At that, Lexa couldn't hold back anymore. She dipped her face down quickly, brushing her lips over Clarke's. It was only meant to be a brief touch, or maybe it was meant to be a moment that would last forever, she didn't know, but Lexa found that she couldn't pull away. Especially as she felt Clarke let out a relieved sigh against her, and then her fingers were wrapped in blonde curls and she was pulling Clarke closer, deepening the kiss. Clarke's thumb brushed against her jaw as her own hands moved to cup Lexa's face, and the blonde returned the kiss with equal fervor. They pushed and pulled against each other, and both of them felt as though they were falling, or maybe floating, or even just flying, they didn't know, they just _felt_. They felt as their noses bumped against each other, felt as a lip was pulled between teeth and sucked, felt as their hearts raced in their chests, and they both realized that they hadn't felt anything like this in a very, very long time.  
  
Eventually Clarke pulled back, her breathing already heavy with lack of oxygen and pure want, and Lexa opened her eyes, unsure of when they had closed, to find the blonde grinning up at her, her eyes dark.  
  
“I take it that's a yes?” she asked, her grin reaching all the way to her eyes, and Lexa just kissed her again.  
  
“That is most definitely a yes,” Lexa muttered as she pulled back a moment later, her own eyes telling Clarke just how much she wanted to.  
  
“Well then let's not waste anymore time,” she replied and grabbed the brunette's hand, quickly pulling her down the hall and back to the lobby, Lexa more than happy to follow along after her.  
  
They kept their hands off of each other until they reached the elevator, but it was a good thing no one else was inside when they got there, because as soon as the doors were closed Clarke pushed Lexa against the wall and brought their lips together again. It had been six and a half years since they had last kissed, six and a half years since they had touched, or held each other, or even just saw each other, and neither of them could wait another moment to be together. Conversation may be awkward, neither really knowing what to say to the other, but this, this they both understood perfectly. Their bodies urged them on, hearts racing and lungs burning, skin tingling at every point of contact. Their hands ran over each other, fingers tracing down arms and sides, brushing up backs and running along skin as though they couldn't decide what to map out first.  
  
Everything about this was so familiar, and yet at the same time so foreign. Where once they had known each others rhythm, had simply blended together to the point of not knowing where one's motion ended and the others began, now they bumped together. One would turn into the kiss and the other would try to match it, and their noses would bump together, or their teeth would clash. Neither cared though, and instead gave themselves over completely to the heat and drive running through their bodies, knowing that they would find the rhythm again.  
  
Finally the elevator door opened to Clarke's floor, and somehow they managed to exit without ever really pulling away from each other. Clarke led the way down the hall, barely pulling away from the brunette, even as she tried to remember how far away her room was. Thinking about anything other than the brunette was becoming increasingly difficult, however, as she felt fingers begin to tug at the zipper on the back of her dress. She just managed to stop them in time before they walked right past her door, finally pulling away so that she could dig her key card out of her pocket. However when a pair of lips suddenly attached themselves to her neck and she felt a tongue gently run over her skin she found it incredibly difficult to open the door in front of her. It took her three tries before she heard the click and felt the door knob give way under her grasp, and then she was pulling Lexa inside behind her, the door falling shut behind them as their lips once again connected.  
  
This time as they kissed, Lexa tried to slow things down. She had waited far too long for this for it to end in a rush. She needed to take her time, to explore everything about Clarke until she knew her body as well as she once had. Clarke felt the change, and sunk in to the slow kiss, letting Lexa gently pull at her lips and bringing her own arms to wrap around the taller girl's neck. She needed this too she realized, needed to go slow with this girl she still loved so much that it hurt. She needed Lexa, yes, needed her against her, but what she needed was more than just touch, and somehow, as Lexa slowly and carefully drew her even closer, she felt whatever that something more was. She relaxed completely, and knew that she felt more comfortable, more at home in that moment than she had for over six years.  
  
Gently Lexa pushed her back, not breaking the kiss as she tried to lead them over to the bed that was nearly on the other side of the room. Clarke followed the movement, stepping back and allowing Lexa to take control and lead her wherever she wanted. Suddenly the back of her legs hit something and Clarke nearly fell over, not expecting anything to be behind her. Lexa's hands sprung out to catch her before she completely lost balance, fingers gently wrapping around her arms as she pulled her back up. Confused, Clarke looked behind her, finding a black suitcase standing in the middle of the floor, rocking slightly from the momentum of her bump. She frowned, her attention suddenly drawn away from Lexa as the brunette looked at her in concern.  
  
“What is it, Clarke?” she asked, worried that perhaps the blonde was having second thoughts about what they were doing. Her attention was so focused on the other girl that she had completely missed the suitcase, but as Clarke stared at it, Lexa followed her gaze and suddenly saw it behind the blonde. Seeing the black case, her eyebrows shot up in surprise.  
  
“That's not my suitcase,” Clarke replied, and then looked at the key-card in her hand, and then quickly around the room, as though to orient herself. “But this is my room. How'd it get here?”  
  
Lexa stepped around Clarke and reached down, grabbing the handle of the suitcase, giving the whole thing a quick once over. “This is my suitcase,” she finally told Clarke, looking back up at her. “The receptionist must have had it sent to the wrong room.”  
  
Clarke's eyes narrowed suspiciously, a thought forming in her head.  
  
“Can I see your room key?” she asked, and Lexa dug it out of her pocket and handed it over, giving Clarke a curious look as she did so. The blonde took it, and then read the number on it, shaking her head in annoyance once she had done so. “I'm gonna kill Octavia,” she mumbled through gritted teeth.  
  
“Why?” Lexa asked, and Clarke held up both key cards. Looking at them, Lexa saw they both had the number 214 printed on them.  
  
“Octavia booked the rooms for everyone, and it looks like she decided that we would be rooming together,” Clarke informed her, her cheeks turning a slight shade of pink when she added, “And we only get one bed. I swear I had nothing to do with this. It's all Octavia.”  
  
Lexa looked around the room and saw that yes, there indeed only was one bed in the room, and then looked back at the two key-cards, which clearly were meant for the same room. Suddenly she remembered what Raven had said to her about being able to predict things in Clarke's love life, and she just managed to hide her grin. Instead she looked around uninterestedly, telling Clarke, “I don't believe you just have Octavia to thank. Something tells me that Raven had a part to play in this as well.”  
  
Clarke groaned, letting her head drop forward against Lexa's shoulder.  
  
“Of course she did,” she replied, her words muffled against Lexa's body, “Octavia wouldn't have done this if Raven hadn't egged her on.” She then picked her head up, looking up at the girl before her. “I hate my friends. Apparently they think I need their help to get you in bed. As if I can't do it on my own. I'm so gonna kill them.”  
  
Lexa raised her eyebrows at that, still fighting to hold back her grin.  
  
“You sound awfully sure of yourself, Clarke,” she informed the blonde, and it was almost amusing how easy it was to fall back into this teasing rhythm with the blonde as Clarke just raised one eyebrow at her, a smug look appearing on her face.  
  
“Excuse me, but I was in the process of getting you to the bed before your luggage tried to kill me and interrupted,” she told the brunette, her foot tapping against the suitcase for a bit of added emphasis.  
  
“If I recall correctly, it was I who was leading you to the bed,” Lexa reminded her, and Clarke could see the teasing glimmer in her eyes even as her eyebrows rose further.  
  
“Maybe,” she replied, her smirk growing, “But I was the one who asked you to come back to my room, so obviously I don't need anyone's help to get you here. You followed along very happily long before we knew that this is apparently your room too.”  
  
“I did,” Lexa agreed, stepping forward and wrapping her arms around Clarke's waist, causing the blonde's heartbeat to quicken once again. “It has been far too long since I last touched you. And this conversation is just making it longer.”  
  
Clarke tried to swallow but the motion got stuck in her throat when she saw the way Lexa was looking at her. Her green eyes had gone dark, and she was looking at her through her eyelashes, as though she were ready to pounce on the smaller girl. Which, Clarke thought as the brunette leaned down slowly and began nipping gently at the blonde's neck, she clearly wanted to do. The thought caused her stomach to squirm in anticipation and the space between her legs to ache with want. She managed to hold in a low moan as she felt teeth nip just below her ear, a spot that Lexa clearly remembered drove Clarke crazy.  
  
“Well then, I guess that's enough talking for now,” she managed to get out, her body pressing itself further against Lexa's, “We can do that later.”  
  
“Oh Clarke, I fully expect you to be talking during this,” Lexa told her in between nips as her teeth pressed gently at the skin on her neck, and Clarke could feel her lips curling up in a small grin. “I expect to hear you say many things, over and over and over again. For example, my name.” Her mouth slowly worked its way back up her jaw, nipping and sucking as she went, happily listening as the blonde's breathing picked up.  
  
“Now who sounds sure of herself?” Clarke asked, though her words were more clipped than they normally would be, as she once again stopped a moan from escaping her lips.  
  
“I am sure of myself, Clarke,” Lexa informed her, and the blonde closed her eyes, loving the way Lexa said her name. “There are many times from the past which I can use as proof to my words.” As her lips moved along her jaw, her hands began to slowly make their way up the other girl's body, fingers trailing dangerously slowly up her sides and arms. “True, I have not touched you in years, but I am very excited to relearn each and every detail of your body. And I still remember your weak spots.” To prove it, Lexa's lips dropped from her jaw, instead moving to graze delicately along Clarke's collarbone, causing Clarke to inhale sharply. She could feel Lexa smirk against her, but her eyelids had dropped, her entire being focused on Lexa's lips and her words. “I have thought about you often. Thought about kissing you. Every inch of you. Thought of touching you. Dreamed of making you moan and writhe beneath me.” Fingers brushed against a clothed breast, and already Lexa could feel the nipple harden beneath her touch. Her other hand slowly made its way to Clarke's back, once again finding the zipper of the dress and toying with it, teasing the blonde. “So when I say I am sure of myself, Clarke, I mean it. I am sure that this is where I want to be. Making you moan out my name as you orgasm beneath me.”  
  
Her words poured into Clarke's ears, causing her to shiver in anticipation. It seemed like Clarke's senses were on overdrive. She felt every movement Lexa made against her, from her lips still working against her collarbone, to her fingers gently tugging on her zipper, to the knee that was very slowly being pressed between her own legs. As her breath hitched, she was suddenly hit with what was so uniquely Lexa's scent. She breathed deeply, wanting to take it in and remember it forever. Everything about this moment was what she had been missing over the past six years, and the knowledge that Lexa, only Lexa, could make her feel this way caused her to cling desperately to the other girl.  
  
“Lexa,” she breathed out, “Please.”  
  
She felt Lexa's laugh against her skin before the other girl pulled her lips away, only to stand up straight so that she could look Clarke in the eyes. Clarke saw the slight flush of her tan cheeks, saw the glint in her green eyes and the smile on her lips, and all she could think about was how beautiful the girl in front of her was. Until the knee between her legs pressed against her even harder, and she finally let out the moan she had been holding in for so long.  
  
“See?” Lexa asked, “I told you. You're already saying my name.”  
  
Clarke rolled her eyes, trying to look exasperated, but when Lexa pressed her knee against her again, the look vanished as her lip suddenly jumped between her teeth, another moan escaping from the back of her throat.  
  
Lexa noticed immediately when her lip moved between her teeth, and the look only spurned her on further. She had missed that, that specific look, had dreamed of it both when she slept and when she was awake, and now that she saw it again, all she wanted was to make all of the other dreams she had thought of a reality as well. Her fingers finally tugged the zipper down as far as it would go, and then her fingers quickly helped the dress to fall from the blonde's shoulders, pooling around her feet. Lexa's eyes drank in the sight of Clarke before her as she bent down to release the straps on her shoes and step out of them, her skin pale in comparison to the dark blue bra and underwear that clung to her still. Just the sight of the blonde mostly undressed was enough to nearly make Lexa moan, and all she could think about was touching every inch of her.  
  
She moved to push Clarke back towards the bed again, but Clarke stopped her. Raising an eyebrow curiously at her, Clarke just grinned and said, “You're not the only one who's spent years thinking about this, you know. I want to see you.”  
  
Lexa nodded, and Clarke began to unbutton her jacket, taking much more time with it than she actually wanted, but this was Lexa's uniform and Clarke didn't want to do anything to damage it. As her fingers nimbly undid all of the buttons, she took another moment to really take in this Lexa in front of her. Knowing that Lexa was a Marine was one thing, but actually seeing her in her uniform was a whole other thing, and it occurred to her once again that Marine Lexa wasn't the same as her Lexa. Even now as she watched Clarke with her dark eyes and heavy breathing, there was still something about her that was different. Clarke could see it in her eyes when she looked into them. They had remained somewhat guarded, even in this moment, and Clarke wondered what had happened to cause that. Now wasn't the time for that conversation, however, so she returned her focus completely to what she was doing as she carefully slid the jacket off of the taller girls shoulders and then quickly pulled her undershirt up over her head. Next she deftly got to work on the girl's belt, removing it and then helping Lexa step out of her pants as soon as she had kicked her shoes off. Seeing Lexa standing there in her underwear, Clarke could almost pretend like no time had past and they were back in high school together. That is, until her eyes slid down the brunette's body, widening when she saw her bare arm for the first time.  
  
“Is that a tattoo?” she asked, stepping forward and lightly running her fingers over the designs in black ink now etched on Lexa's body. She definitely hadn't had _that_ in high school. Her fingers itched to trace over every detail of the complex design.  
  
Lexa's head turned towards it, replying, “Oh, I forgot you that you hadn't seen it yet. Yes, I got it done in college. There's a bigger one on my back that I finally got finished last year.”  
  
Clarke's eyes widened even further and she quickly stepped around Lexa towards her back, saying, “Let me see it.” What Clarke found was not really one singular tattoo, but several different symbols running across Lexa's shoulder blades and part way down the center of her back, all connected in some way. Once again her fingers itched to study them, even as she reached out and lightly brushed across a few of the designs. “What do they mean?” she asked quietly, her eyes darting from one design to another, trying to take them all in.  
  
She felt Lexa's shrug beneath her touch.  
  
“Different things,” the brunette told her, as though it didn't matter. “Mostly Marine things. The big one in the center is the symbol we created for our unit. The other ones just stand for obstacles I've overcome, or different things that have been important to me.”  
  
Clarke's fingers traced the design of an intricate star on her right shoulder, the artist in her trying to take each design in at once.  
  
“They're all beautiful,” she breathed out, and she felt Lexa's skin shift beneath her touch as the other girl turned around so that she was once again facing the blonde.  
  
“Thank you, but if you don't mind, there is something else that I would much rather be doing right now,” she said, and as if to remind the blonde she gently grabbed her waist and pulled her close so that their bodies were touching. Bringing their foreheads together, Lexa continued with a small smirk, “You may study my tattoos another time. Right now, I wish to study you.”  
  
Clarke shivered beneath her touch, but melted against her when Lexa's lips sunk over her own, pushing the tattoos temporarily out of her mind.  
  
This time when Lexa tried to move them over to the bed, Clarke didn't stop her. They kissed as they moved, refusing to break apart again, falling onto it in a graceless heap with Clarke's body tucked beneath Lexa's, neither caring as their tongues danced together. Lexa's hands cupped Clarke's face, holding her as close to her as possible, while Clarke's fingers worked to pull Lexa's hair from its braid. As she freed it, Lexa's brown locks tumbled haphazardly over her shoulders, covering both of their faces, and Clarke sighed into their kiss as she tangled her fingers in it, missing the feel of Lexa's silky hair around her fingers. Lexa swallowed the sigh, the corner of her lips turning up at the sound, and then moved to kiss back down Clarke's jaw and leaving a trail of open-mouthed kisses along the expanse of her neck. Her hands moved down with her, trailing light touches up and down Clarke's stomach and sides that formed goosebumps as they went, causing the blonde to squirm beneath her. Her lips and fingers met again at Clarke's chest, and without removing her lips from Clarke's skin she looked up, meeting Clarke's gaze. As soon as their eyes met, Lexa slipped on hand behind the blonde's back, moving quickly to the clasp of her bra even as it was pressed between Clarke's body and the mattress. With one motion, she slid the hooks from the clasps, and then helped Clarke pull it off, letting the blonde toss it to the floor.  
  
As soon as it was gone, Lexa picked her head up slightly so that she could stare at Clarke's bare chest, just one more sight she had missed for much too long. Gingerly she reached out, her fingers gently brushing along the smooth skin, and Clarke let out a small sigh, inadvertently pressing herself further against the brunette's fingers. Lexa in turn lowered her head, resting her forehead against Clarke's chest while her thumbs brushed over pebbled nipples and closed her eyes. She listened to Clarke's breathing, fast and irregular, clearly reacting to all of the areas where their bare skin touched. Turning slightly, she pressed one ear to the pale chest, and found she could easily hear the blonde's heartbeat, and she felt her own heart beating in time with it. She smiled softly, pressing her ear a little harder against the chest, and felt Clarke's arms wrap around her own back, holding her close to her. She was a little surprised when she felt Clarke's head tip down and press a soft kiss to the top of her head, but she sunk into the sweet gesture, a small hum of gratitude and content escaping from her throat.  
  
The sweet moment only lasted for a few more seconds, until she felt Clarke's hands move against her back, and then she felt them deftly pulling at the clasp of her own bra, and she laughed against the blonde's chest even as she felt Clarke's fingers sliding her bra straps down her shoulders. She sat back up, allowing the clothing to be pulled away completely, and then she watched Clarke take in the sight of her bare breasts unabashedly, her bra forgotten as it fell from her fingers to the mattress.  
  
“You're even more beautiful than I remember,” Clarke murmured, and Lexa almost blushed.  
  
“I could easily say the same thing about you,” she informed her, and then she felt herself shiver as Clarke's finger tips ran softly down her arms and then back up her stomach. Her eyelids fell shut as those finger tips danced across her chest, the touch barely existent but enough for her stomach to drop. She could feel her nipples harden before Clarke even touched them, and she almost let out a whine when they danced across again, avoiding the hard buds completely. The third time it happened she couldn't stop the whine from escaping her lips, and she almost glared at Clarke when she chuckled.  
  
“Did you need something, Lexa?” the blonde asked, her eyes still dark with her arousal but now with a spark of mischief in them as well.  
  
“Do not tease me, Clarke,” she growled, leaning forward into the touch so that the pressure from her fingers increased.  
  
“I have waited over six years for this, Lexa,” Clarke informed her, as though the brunette could have possibly forgotten. “I am going to take as much time as I want now that I have you naked and in bed again.”  
  
One corner of Lexa's lips turned up, her eyebrows raising slightly as she reminded the other girl, “I am not completely naked yet, Clarke.”  
  
Clarke's smirk only grew, her fingers not leaving the other girl's chest as she told her, “Oh believe, me, I'm aware. Those will be coming off very soon, don't worry, but not before I take my time elsewhere. There is a lot to explore before I get to that.”  
  
Lexa was about to let her annoyance with that be known, but then she felt thumbs finally rub circles against her nipples, and instead her annoyance turned into a grateful moan. Her eyes closed as Clarke's fingers began to gently kneed her breasts, her breathing getting heavy. She could feel herself responding to Clarke's movements, and it was all she could do to keep herself from thrusting her hips down against the blonde's. If Clarke wanted to wait and take her time, she would do her best to be patient, but it was difficult to convince her body of that.  
  
Feeling Lexa press herself against her hands, Clarke bit her lip, and then sat up, careful not to push Lexa off of her lap. She saw Lexa's eyes open once again at her movement, but they quickly fell shut again as Clarke leaned forward, gently taking a nipple between her lips and sucking on it. Lexa moaned again, and Clarke probably would have grinned again if her own focus hadn't turned solely to the nipple between her lips and the one her fingers were currently playing with, hardening them both even further. In sync, she pushed her tongue and fingers against them, bringing another moan out of the brunette, and Clarke felt completely lost in the moment. It was the perfect kind of lost, the kind where you don't want to find yourself again, where you never want to leave the moment, and she felt herself sink in to the feeling even further.  
  
She was pulled out of the feeling when her free hand trailed down Lexa's side, her fingers brushing against something else that hadn't been on Lexa's body before, and suddenly all of Clarke's attention seemed to be pulled to it. She frowned, pulling her lips away from Lexa's chest and letting her other hand fall down to the brunette's side. She shifted slightly so that she could see better, still making sure not to push Lexa off of her, and then finally got a good look at what her fingers had brushed against.  
  
The smoothness is what had first drawn her attention to it. The skin was smooth, much smoother than what skin normally felt like. It's color, an almost pale pink, stood out against the skin around it, and Clarke wondered how she hadn't seen it before, even as she knew that she had been focusing on other parts of Lexa's body when this bit of skin had finally been revealed. It looked to be a couple of inches long, and fairly narrow, so really it wasn't much of a surprise that she hadn't noticed it sooner, and it clearly wasn't fresh, having had a good amount of time to heal.  
  
The med student in Clarke knew what it was as soon as her fingers felt it, and seeing it only confirmed it: a scar. More accurately, a scar from a bullet wound.  
  
Lexa watched Clarke study her scar, her face emotionless while she panicked on the inside. She hadn't thought about this. She hadn't thought of what to say in this moment when Clarke finally saw her scar. She hadn't prepared herself for the fear that was sure to be in Clarke's eyes, and so she didn't know what to do now. She knew how much Clarke disliked the fact she was a Marine, knew how much the blonde worried, so she should have thought of this. Mentally, she berated herself for being so foolish as to forget such an important detail, but verbally she didn't know what to say.  
  
What she quickly realized was that no words were needed.  
  
After studying the scar for a moment, Clarke carefully turned them over so that Lexa was now the one lying on her back with Clarke straddling her hips, much to the brunette's surprise. As soon as they were in the new position, Clarke leaned down, her hands bracing herself on either side of Lexa's body, and gently pressed her lips to the smooth skin. Lexa's breath hitched, both from the feeling of Clarke's lips against her and from her surprise, and then she let out a soft sigh as she felt the blonde's lips slowly, so very slowly, travel along the length of the scar, pressing softly against its entirety. Only once she had kissed along the entire strip of skin did Clarke's lips leave it, moving to the center of the brunette's stomach before she made her way back up her body, the trail of kisses leading up between her breasts and back up her neck until she got to Lexa's jaw. After leaving a kiss on her chin, Clarke pulled her face back just a couple of inches so that she could meet Lexa's gaze, finding what almost seemed to be a confused look being directed back at her from the set of green eyes that she had spent years trying to draw to perfection, never quite getting them to be as perfect as they were in this moment.  
  
“You're beautiful,” she breathed out, her mouth forming into an easy smile while her eyes slowly scanned the face below her, taking in every detail.  
  
She'd heard those words before, mostly from this very same girl, but something about this moment, the way Clarke was looking at her, even after being damaged and still looking at her with so much care in her eyes and love in her voice, something about this moment rang true for Lexa. It wasn't the words themselves that effected her, but what was behind them. With those words and with her actions, Lexa knew that Clarke still cared just as deeply for her as Lexa still cared for her. With those words, she heard instead Clarke telling her that she accepted her, scars and all, accepted her choice to join the Marines, accepted even the pain that that choice had put them both through. At those words, Lexa's heart burst, and it was all she could do to keep herself from crying from joy. Instead, she reached up and cupped Clarke's face in her hands, bringing her down so that she could engulf her sweet lips in a long, slow kiss.  
  
Clarke moaned into the kiss, and that just helped fuel the fire that suddenly ignited inside of Lexa. Her hands fell from the blonde's face, trailing down her sides to come to a short rest on her hips, gripping them tightly. They didn't stay there for long, as she felt Clarke's hips thrust against her, clearly wanting to be touched. Lexa deepened their kiss even as her fingers ran across the elastic of Clarke's panties and then down over the front of them, not surprised to find a wet spot forming on them. As her fingers brushed over the spot, a whine escaped Clarke's throat and once again her hips thrust forward, trying desperately to pin Lexa's hand down to relieve the ache getting stronger between her legs. Lexa rubbed against the spot, feeling the wetness on the other side of the thin fabric grow, and suddenly she ached to be inside Clarke almost as much as Clarke ached to be touched. Deftly her fingers slipped beneath the elastic of the fabric and pulled them down, getting them halfway down her legs before Clarke pulled them the rest of the way off and threw them somewhere behind them.  
  
Immediately Lexa's hands moved to the inside of her thighs, brushing slowly against the soft skin. Clarke whimpered at the touch, her hips moving again, clearly wanting so much more, and finally Lexa gave it to her as one hand moved, fingers slipping between her wet lips. They both moaned, Clarke from finally being touched and Lexa from finally being able to touch her, and then Lexa's fingers moved to Clarke's clit, rubbing slow circles against it. The friction caused another moan to tear from Clarke's throat, and it was all she could do to keep herself from reaching down and guiding Lexa's fingers to where she needed them, but she knew Lexa would make it there eventually, and in the mean time the fingers moving against her clit were enough to cause the knot in her stomach to tighten further.  
  
Lexa's fingers moved against Clarke, and the brunette felt like she was in heaven. Her fingers wet with Clarke's arousal, drawing lazy designs against her clit while Clarke moaned into her mouth was everything she could ever possibly want in the world. Her fingers began to move faster against the blonde, and as the speed increased so did Clarke's moans and her ragged breathing.  
  
“Lexa...” she finally got out between moans, pulling her lips away from Lexa's but keeping her forehead pressed against the other girl's, “Please. I need you inside me. God, _please_.”  
  
Lexa picked her head up just enough to capture the blonde's lips again, but she didn't ignore her plea. After another few circles, she allowed her fingers to trail down Clarke's sex, and she could feel Clarke's arousal grow even more as she moved. Finally she pushed two fingers into Clarke, and Clarke threw her head back, her eyes falling shut as she let out a loud moan of, “Yeeesss.”  
  
Lexa moved slowly at first, wanting to take her time, but Clarke couldn't stand the slow pace anymore. Instead she moved on top of Lexa, bringing her hips down to meet the brunette's fingers each time they thrust inside her. With each thrust, Clarke would utter, “Lexa, god, Lexa,” until it became a mantra she couldn't stop repeating, and with each call of her name Lexa would get faster, finally getting her own hips into it and using them to help thrust her fingers into the blonde harder. She could feel Clarke's muscles clenching around her fingers, trying to hold them in place, and she knew that the blonde was close, so close, so she used her thumb to rub against her clit while her fingers worked inside her, trying to get her to that edge.  
  
The slight pressure of her thumb was all Clarke needed. With a final cry, she came, shuddering above Lexa and clenching down tightly on her fingers, her hips still thrusting against them. Only when her body stopped shuddering did her hips stop, and then Lexa kept her fingers still while Clarke's head fell forward, chin pressed to her heaving chest as she tried to catch her breath. Only when Clarke finally looked back up, her breathing somewhat under control again, did Lexa carefully pull her fingers out of the other girl, causing another moan to ripple from the blonde's lips. Her fingers were soaked, and while Clarke watched the brunette brought them to her own lips, her tongue darting out from between her lips to lick one clean, but a groan erupted from her own throat and then she was sucking her fingers clean, finally tasting Clarke again after so many years.  
  
Clarke watched as Lexa cleaned herself from her fingers, and just like that she could feel the knot tighten in her stomach again. This was Lexa's power over her; only Lexa could give her an amazing orgasm, and not even minutes later have her wanting another one. But her want could wait. She looked down to find Lexa still wearing her underwear, and the wet spot forming on them was all too obvious. Clarke grinned, sliding back on the bed so that she sat between Lexa's legs. Lexa had stopped sucking on her fingers to stare at her when she felt Clarke move off of her, but the blonde ignored the stare. Her focus was on one thing, and one thing only at that moment.  
  
Quickly her fingers slid beneath the band of Lexa's underwear, pulling them down her long, long (had her legs always been this long? Of course they had, Clarke had just forgotten just how long they were) tan legs, throwing them off the side of the bed as soon as they were off. She gently pushed the brunette's legs apart, leaning down between them so that she could place a number of wet kisses along the inside of her thighs. She felt Lexa squirm beneath her, but her arms wrapped around the legs, holding her in place while her tongue and teeth danced over her sensitive skin.  
  
“Mm, Clarke,” she heard Lexa whine, and the blonde just smiled against her skin while her teeth left tiny marks in their wake. As her lips got closer to Lexa's sex, she felt the other girl squirm again even as she began speaking. “Clarke I, hm,” the brunette began, having to lick her lips and swallow thickly before she could continue as she felt the blonde's tongue get ever so close to where she burned for it. “I um, I feel I should, should warn you, I probably, oh, probably won't last all that long.” She paused, her breathing incredibly heavy as she saw Clarke's eyes peer up at her while her mouth continued to work. “I uh, I haven't, hmm, I haven't exactly been touched by anyone other than myself in, mmh, in quite some time.”  
  
Clarke didn't say anything in response, just rose her eyebrows at her to let her know she had heard, and then Lexa felt her mouth move to her lower lips and suddenly her tongue pushed through them and was lapping at her clitoris and Lexa was moaning and not even bothering to try to hold it back. She felt Clarke's lips close around the nub, sucking at it while her tongue rubbed against it, every sensation pushing Lexa further and further from sanity. Before long Clarke's mouth traveled downward, and then her tongue was thrusting inside of the brunette and Lexa's fingers were wrapped tightly in Clarke's golden locks, holding her in place so that she could get the release she so desperately needed. She could feel Clarke smiling against her sex, but Lexa's mind was in far too thick a haze of arousal and need for it to really register, and all she could do was thrust her hips to meet Clarke's tongue as it worked inside her. When she suddenly felt two fingers enter her and Clarke's mouth return to her clitoris, Lexa's head was thrown back while an especially loud moan tore from her throat, and only moments later she was coming against Clarke's face, the blonde's tongue eagerly lapping up everything that Lexa could give her and not stopping until Lexa's grip in her hair loosened, her hands falling limply on the bed on either side of her. Even then Clarke didn't stop, her tongue still working against Lexa's incredibly sensitive flesh, tearing another moan out of her.  
  
Finally the blonde stopped her movements against the other girl's sex, lifting her head from between the brunette's legs. Lexa looked down her body, and as she saw Clarke licking her lips a whimper escaped her. She didn't think she had ever whimpered before, but tonight the blonde had reduced her to a whimpering mess and god, she loved every moment of it.  
  
Clarke crawled back up Lexa's body, holding her weight up with her arms as they moved to either side of Lexa's head. Looking down at the brunette, she grinned and then leaned forward, pressing her lips against the brunette's. The taste of Lexa's own arousal was strong on her lips, and then even stronger as Clarke's tongue pushed its way between her lips, and the taste just made her want to bury her own head between the blonde's legs. She moaned at the thought, and Clarke swallowed the moan, her smile just growing. Finally she pulled away and then flopped to one side of Lexa, the brunette turning along with her, their legs tangling together as they moved.  
  
“Now that was one hell of a hello,” Clarke exclaimed quietly, her glee more than evident in her tone.  
  
“Well, it has been awhile since we have been able to say hello,” Lexa replied, eyes bright with her own glee. “I would say it was a well-deserved hello on both our parts.”  
  
“Oh yeah, definitely deserved,” the blonde agreed as she nodded her head, her grin not wavering for even a second.  
  
“Mmm,” Lexa breathed in agreement, pushing herself forward and snuggling against Clarke's shoulder while her arm moved to wrap around the blonde's middle, pulling her closer. Clarke's own arm moved to wrap around Lexa's middle, and Lexa sighed contentedly as she felt the blonde's fingers begin to draw lazy designs against her skin.  
  
“You should know it's not the only hello I plan on giving you tonight,” Clarke warned her, though the movements of her fingers remained slow along her side.  
  
Lexa grinned and then pulled her face back slightly, tilting her face up so that she could easily see Clarke's.  
  
“It is not the only hello I plan to give you tonight, either,” she informed the blonde, before kissing her slowly. When she pulled away, she added, “However, I was not joking when I said it has been awhile since anyone else has touched me. I need a few minutes before we begin round two.”  
  
Clarke leaned down and kissed her again, wanting to get in as many kisses as she could. When they disconnected once again she told her, “Take as many minutes as you need. I am perfectly happy just holding you.”  
  
Lexa smiled, and then once again let her face fall to the blonde's shoulder, their chests pressed together and breathing in sync. She felt Clarke's cheek nuzzle against the top of her head, and she let her eyes close, not to fall asleep, but to help her remember better every detail of the moment.  
  
“Hey Lexa?” she heard Clarke say, her tone quiet, all of the joking from a moment ago gone.  
  
“Yes Clarke?” she asked, not bothering to move. She was perfectly content right where she was.  
  
“I really missed you.”  
  
Lexa's eyes opened, and unconsciously her arms tightened around Clarke's middle.  
  
“I really missed you too,” she confessed softly, but from the way Clarke's arm tightened around her also she knew the blonde had heard.  
  
For many more minutes they laid like that, holding on to one another simply because they could.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys, I really enjoyed writing this chapter. I hope you enjoyed reading it! Also, I want to let you know that I have given myself the goal of finishing the story by Halloween and getting at least the first chapter of my next work up by then as well. I don't know for sure that I'm going to be able to actually meet that goal, but I am going to really try! Along with that, I am going to try to get the next chapter up by the end of this weekend. Feel free to bug me via Tumblr to try to make that actually happen. I love hearing from you guys!


	19. Chapter 19

Lexa let out a low groan as her body slowly pulled back into consciousness, her dreams forgotten even as she continued to clench her eyes shut. Like every morning, she wanted to stay in bed for just another minute, but knew that if she wished to have any time to herself, she needed to get up before her people did. As soon as they were up, it meant she had to be ready to contribute every waking moment to them, and though she may not show it to anyone, she desperately needed the few minutes to herself that waking up before dawn gave her. She would take that hour or so to pull herself together before her usual meeting with Captain Rivo. She let out another small groan at the thought of meeting with the large man, wondering what his orders would be for her today, and rolled over, lifting an arm up to rub the sleep from her eyes.  
  
Or rather, she tried to. As she attempted to move, she realized an arm was wrapped around her middle, and her own arm seemed to be pinned beneath someone else. For a moment her heart sped up, fear creeping into her. Had she been captured by the enemy? Had a drunken Marine wandered into her tent at night? And then her face turned to the figure pressed against her, and she got a whiff of something soft, possibly the remains of a fruity shampoo, and everything from the night before came rushing back to her.  
  
She wasn't lying in her tent at Polis, getting ready to start another day of training and tracking down Reapers. She was lying in a hotel room, sharing a bed with her ex-girlfriend, the girl she still cared so deeply about, after a long, long night of sex. Remembering it all, she shifted her legs, and could very much feel the leftover ache between them that came from a night of re-learning each others bodies.  
  
Opening her eyes finally, she found that it was still dark in the room, almost too dark to see by, but she could just make out the soft gold of Clarke's hair as it fell around her head on her pillow. Some of it stuck to Lexa's shoulder where the blonde's head rested very near, having fallen asleep on it the night before. Even in the dark Lexa could make out the soft peacefulness etched on the sleeping girl's face, and a part of Lexa wanted to reach out and trace those soft lines with her fingers, to try to remember them forever. She didn't dare to, not wanting to wake the other girl, so instead she just kept staring, eyes scanning over the pale face.  
  
Lexa's heart continued to beat fast. That had happened: she had slept with her ex-girlfriend, had touched her and been touched by her, and she didn't know how to feel about it. She was happy, clearly: ecstatic, if truth be told, but also terrified. What if it hadn't meant as much to Clarke as it had to her? Possibly even worse: what if it had? Lexa was returning to Polis in four days, that was just a fact, but what if Clarke believed this meant she wasn't? What if sleeping with her had somehow made her believe she was staying? They hadn't talked about that, had barely talked at all in fact, so how would Clarke feel if she found out that once again Lexa would be leaving her? She hadn't meant to use Clarke, had never even thought of their night together like that, but what if Clarke thought that's what she had done? Lexa could think of countless soldiers who told stories of their time off, where they would just find the hottest woman possible and hole up in a room with her, needing to find the release they didn't get while on duty. Lexa had never believed she would be one of them, but wasn't that exactly what she had done, even if it had been unintentional? Clarke couldn't think she was just an easy hook up to her; the brunette couldn't even stand the thought of her thinking that, and her breathing began to get faster.  
  
After so many months of pushing every emotion away, refusing to let it surface, suddenly there were too many feelings fighting to take control of her, and Lexa couldn't push them down. Her mind was too hazy, too full of thoughts that she just couldn't push away. She needed to do something about this, needed to find a way to tamper the emotions down before she let them take complete control. Slowly, extremely slowly so as not to wake the other girl, she extracted herself from Clarke's hold and pulled a numb arm from beneath her. As she moved, the blonde shifted, and Lexa froze as she sat up, holding her breath, but the other girl just rolled into the spot she had just left, her face burrowing into Lexa's pillow. Lexa smiled softly at the motion, her heart tugging in her chest. Even as her emotions fought her, she couldn't help but want to stay there and just watch the other girl sleep, to bask in the moment of simply being with Clarke again.  
  
But she had to get herself under control before the blonde woke up, and there was only one way she knew how to do that. Standing up carefully and rubbing her arm as it began to tingle, the blood rushing back into it after a night of being pinned beneath someone, she made her way quietly to her suitcase, grabbing it and then dragging it to the bathroom with her. Once there with the door shut, she turned on the light and opened the suitcase, digging around for what she needed. Pulling the shorts and tank top from the pile of neatly folded clothes, she sighed in relief. What she needed was to go for a run, to get the adrenaline pumping and endorphins flowing. As soon as that happened, she would be able to push all these feelings down, once again taking control of her own body.  
  
As she changed into the running clothes, she tried to remember where she'd seen the signs for the gym facility the hotel had. As she pulled the shorts up her legs, she shrugged; if she couldn't find it, she would just ask the front desk. She would get there, one way or another.

***

_It's a beautiful night, we're looking for something dumb to do. Hey baby, I think I wanna marry you..._  
  
Clarke groaned loudly as she turned over in the large bed and her hand shot out, flopping a bit against the bedside table before she finally managed to get a hold of the cell phone, turning the alarm off without even needing to open her eyes. It was too early for something so upbeat; why had she decided to use that song for an alarm? Yes, it was the wedding day, but that didn't mean she should be expected to jump right out of bed at 7:30 in the morning. She groaned again. Why had Octavia chosen to have the ceremony in the early afternoon, meaning they would have to start getting ready by 9:30? She ignored the fact that she should be used to early mornings by now, what with med-school and everything, and just groaned again as she flopped back over into the warmth of the bed. The dim morning sun poured through the blinds of the large windows, beating against her eyelids as she tried to keep them squeezed shut, desperately wanting to go back to sleep and cuddle against the woman she cared about.  
  
Suddenly she froze, her eyes darting open. She was in a bed that was not her own, in a hotel room on the morning of Octavia and Lincoln's wedding. None of this surprised her. What surprised her was that she was in the bed _alone_. She distinctly remembered that Lexa had fallen asleep in said bed with her last night. Distinctly remembered seeing her after the wedding rehearsal, distinctly remembered inviting her up to her room, and very, very distinctly remembered everything that had followed. But now there was no Lexa.  
  
Had it all been a dream? Like, a really, really, amazingly good and realistic dream? Could she have possibly dreamt something so vivid, so real? Sure, she'd had sex dreams about the brunette before, but what she thought had happened the night before seemed way too detailed to have just been a dream. Seriously, she could still taste Lexa on her tongue (oh god, she could still _taste Lexa on her tongue_ ). It couldn't have all been a dream. But as she sat up and looked around the room, she couldn't see any sign that the brunette had ever been there. The suitcase she remembered tripping over wasn't even anywhere to be seen, and Clarke bit her lip as she pulled the thin bedsheet up over her bare chest, trying to ignore the panic slowly building inside her.  
  
Just as she was beginning to think that yeah, maybe it all had just been a dream, she heard a click come from the hallway, and then the door swung open, and she let out a relieved sigh as Lexa walked back in the room, her eyes going straight to Clarke as she let the door fall shut behind her.  
  
“Oh thank god,” she breathed out, flashing the brunette a smile, “I was beginning to think I'd dreamt everything from last night.”  
  
She saw Lexa's mouth curve up into a small smile as she replied, “No, it was not a dream. Though it may help to create some in the future.” The smile faltered a little bit before she added, “I apologize. I had meant to be back before you woke up.”  
  
Clarke just shook her head, telling her, “No worries.” She then eyed Lexa's shorts and tank top and asked, “Where'd you go, anyway?”  
  
“I went for a run,” was the response she got as the brunette rolled her shoulders and tilted her head, stretching her neck muscles. “I needed to let off some steam. I often get up early for a bit of exercise.”  
  
Clarke's lips pulled up into a mischievous smirk that Lexa couldn't help but notice before she informed the taller girl, “You know, if you needed a workout, you could have just woken me up. I mean, I think last night was a hell of a workout personally, but I would have been more than happy to help you with another one.”  
  
Lexa tried to stop her own grin from forming, but was only partially successful.  
  
“I needed to stretch my legs, Clarke,” she replied, and shook her head as the blonde's smile only got bigger.  
  
“I could think of a couple of ways to do that,” she nearly purred, and Lexa couldn't stop the lump from forming in her throat as Clarke's bottom lip was suddenly pulled between her teeth and she was looking up at the brunette through her eyelashes. God, the things this woman could do to her with just a look. It truly wasn't fair, and definitely not natural.  
  
“I needed to go for a _run_ ,” she said, emphasizing the “run” in the hopes Clarke wouldn't be able to think of any innuendos for that. “But I thank you for the sacrifice you would have made. I recall how much you love your sleep.”  
  
“Yeah, well, I'm awake now, and we have a little bit of time before we have to meet everybody else,” Clarke said, shifting in the bed and allowing the bedsheet to fall away from her front, doing it so innocently that it could have been an accident.  
  
It wasn't an accident. Lexa could read it in her blue eyes, could see that she knew _exactly_ what she was doing as Lexa tried very, very hard not to stare at her newly exposed breasts. It was hard though: like, really, really difficult. Her eyes wanted so badly to drop to that beautiful pale chest, to drink in the sight of Clarke naked before her, but she fought the urge.  
  
“I'm afraid we do not have time, Clarke,” she finally replied, but the blonde could hear the want in her tone. “We must meet the others in a little over an hour, and you know as well as I do that once we get started we do not like to stop. We both must get ready.”  
  
The blonde pouted, and Lexa had to seriously fight the urge to move forward and take that lip between her own teeth, but then the other girl sighed, she shoulders falling in a slump.  
  
“Fine,” she finally groaned, “You're right. I did promise Octavia I wouldn't let anyone's sex life interfere with her big day.” When Lexa raised her eyebrows at that, Clarke just waved her hand at her and told her, “Don't ask.” The brunette just nodded, letting it go, before she noticed Clarke's lips curl up into a smirk once again. “Although, we do both need to shower before we go. And you know, it would actually save time if we were to shower together. We could even end up getting there early. Would even save some hot water, too.”  
  
A corner of Lexa's lips turned up as she replied, “I am sure that's something the hotel truly worries about.” When Clarke just gave her another look, raising her eyebrows at her, the brunette just shook her head, not bothering to try to hide her grin this time. “Fine,” she said, and then stalked up to the bed, leaning down over Clarke who turned up to meet her lips. Her hands came to a rest on the blonde's hips, and just before she could kiss her, Lexa added, “You, Clarke Griffin, are a true friend, always putting others needs before your own.”  
  
“Yup, that's me, always taking care of others,” the blonde replied, though she couldn't keep the little whimper out of her voice as she felt Lexa's thumbs brush against her thighs from the other side of the thin bedsheet. The whimper only made Lexa's grin grow, before she closed the small gap between them, their eyes both closing as they kissed.  
  
The kiss lasted for a minute or so before Lexa pulled back, turning and taking a few steps towards the bathroom before she turned back around and asked with an eyebrow raised, “Well? Are you coming?”  
  
Clarke's grin just grew as she threw the sheets off of her and nearly stumbled out of the bed, following Lexa as the brunette continued to lead the way towards the bathroom. As the taller girl slipped her shorts off as she walked, Clarke's eyes followed the movement, her gaze coming to a rest on Lexa's perfect ass, now clad only in a pair of white underwear that clung to her curves perfectly. “I have a feeling I will be, very, very soon,” she answered, her eyes only leaving Lexa's ass when the other girl let out a single laugh, the sound vibrating like music in Clarke's ears. She returned Lexa's smile, and followed her into the bathroom, closing the door firmly behind her.  
  
As soon as the door was closed, she moved forward and pushed Lexa against the sink, her fingers falling immediately to the hem of her shirt and lifting it up over the other girl's head. Once it was off, Lexa leaned forward and kissed her again, her hands falling on the blonde's waist, fingers digging slightly into her skin. Clarke moaned into the kiss, returning it with equal fervor, even as her own hands moved to Lexa's back, quickly unhooking her bra and helping her to discard the unneeded article of clothing without breaking their lips apart. Once the bra was gone, their bodies pushed against each other, skin burning at every point of contact. Lexa truly felt as if her skin had been lit on fire as she felt the blonde's fingers trail down to her waist, sliding beneath the elastic of her underwear before pushing them down her legs. The fabric fell to the floor, pooling around her ankles and she stepped out of them, still not breaking the kiss. Together they moved over to the shower, and Lexa reached out, pushing the shower curtain back, her hand quickly finding the knob and turning the water on. Without waiting to find out the temperature of the water, they stepped into the shower, still clinging to each other.  
  
The way they were positioned, Lexa got the brunt of the water, and as soon as it hit her she jumped, quickly pushing them both back to the far side of the long shower, so that she was no longer directly under the stream of water. Clarke pulled back from their kiss, her eyebrow raised, and Lexa muttered in answer to the silent question, “It's really cold.” The blonde just laughed before she moved around the brunette, shivering slightly as the ice water hit her, and then turned the knob so that the stream of water quickly heated up. As soon as the water was lukewarm rather than ice cold, Clarke gently pushed the brunette back under the stream. “Better?” she asked, as the water poured over the taller girl, but she barely paid any attention to her reply as she nodded her head. Instead all the blonde could focus on were the droplets of water running from her chin down her neck to her breasts. Her eyes followed the path and she let out a low growl before she stepped forward, her lips attaching to the brunette's neck and following the trail down to her breast. Without any warning she had the other girl's nipple between her lips and was running her tongue roughly against the hard nub.  
  
Lexa gasped, her eyes rolling back slightly in her head, one hand going to Clarke's wet hair, the other clenching tightly around her arm. Once again, emotions were chasing each other through her head, all wanting to be heard, all wanting to be the main focus of the moment. Her morning run was supposed to have fixed that, but Clarke clearly had more power over her than what an hour-long run could overcome. She had known that: even as she had pushed herself on the track to run faster, to complete the next lap faster than she had the last, the voice in the back of her head had told her she was just putting off the inevitable. If there was anyone in the world who could force her emotions to surface, anyone in the world who could truly make her feel all of the things she fought every day not to feel, it was Clarke.  
  
Which meant that she had something she needed to say before they went any further. She needed to make sure they were on the same page, even if it meant possibly ending the truly amazing feeling rushing through her at the moment.  
  
“Clarke,” she managed to get out, trying not to moan around the blonde's name, “Clarke, I need to... to talk to you about something. Before we continue this... whatever this very, very fun thing is, I need to talk to you.”  
  
She felt Clarke stiffen against her before she pulled away, worry in her eyes even as she tried to smile at the brunette.  
  
“This very fun thing we're doing is called sex, Lexa,” the blonde informed her, her tone teasing, even though her worry seemed evident enough in her voice.  
  
“I know that what we are doing is having sex,” Lexa replied, then reaffirmed, “Or rather, what we're about to do is have sex, and what we did last night was have sex but... I need to make sure you know... I'm not staying.” She said it as gently as she could, her own regret registering clearly on her face and in her voice. “In four days I will be returning to the Marines. If you think this is, or rather, that I'm not...” She growled, looking down at the floor of the shower, frustrated with herself. Her words, like her emotions, were all jumbled up, and she couldn't articulate to Clarke truly what she wanted to say.  
  
It seemed she didn't need to though. Clarke's fingers moved to her chin, gently lifting her head up so that she was looking into her eyes. “Hey,” she said softly, her smile small but sincere, “I know. I get it. You're going back. This, right now, last night, this isn't a forever thing. It's for now, while you're here. I know. I understand.”  
  
Lexa's eyes scanned her face, trying to read it. From her look, Clarke seemed to truly mean what she said, but Lexa didn't know how that could be when Lexa wasn't even sure she understood what she was saying.  
  
“And... you're okay with that?” she finally asked, shifting nervously beneath Clarke's blue gaze.  
  
The blonde's smile grew slightly even as she shrugged.  
  
“I kinda gotta be, right?” she simply replied, and when Lexa frowned, about to look away again, her fingers tightened around the brunette's chin, not letting her. “Hey,” she said, “I would rather have you for a few days every six years than not have you at all. You're worth the wait. Okay?”  
  
No, it wasn't okay. No, she wasn't worth it, but Lexa's heart swelled at the blonde's words anyway. She held her breath, looking for any sign that the blonde might be lying, might not truly mean what she said, but she didn't see any. Instead she saw the look of someone who truly meant her words, someone who wanted nothing more than to be there, in that moment, with her, and Lexa didn't entirely know how to deal with the burning feeling in her chest. So she did what she did best: she pushed the feeling away, to the best of her ability, and reached out, wrapping a hand gently around the back of the blonde's head and pulled her forward into a searing kiss. They both pushed against the kiss, wanting to be even closer, and Lexa knew that, in that moment at the very least, everything was at it should be.  
  
The lukewarm water hit them both harder as Clarke pushed them both further into it, and as the water ran over her body along with Clarke's hands, the need to touch the blonde only grew stronger in the taller girl. Without warning, she turned them beneath the spray of water, so that she could push the blonde against the wall, her lips falling from Clarke's and trailing quickly over to her ear where her teeth gently nipped at her earlobe. Clarke's breath grew ragged, her chest heaving and eyes closing as she felt Lexa's teeth working against her ear.  
  
“How,” she swallowed, full sentences suddenly becoming a bit more difficult than usual to form. “How long do you think we've been in here?”  
  
She felt the brunette shrug against her, her tongue running roughly over the blonde's flesh.  
  
“A few minutes,” she answered, her mouth moving down to Clarke's neck, only making it even harder for the smaller girl to form words.  
  
“We should, we should probably, move this along,” she managed to say, trying very hard not to start biting her lip already. “We are... on a bit of a, a time fr-frame.”  
  
She felt Lexa smirk against her, and then her attention was completely drawn to the hand that slowly trailed its way down the center of her body.  
  
“Are you saying that because you are truly worried about the time, Clarke?” the other girl asked against her skin. “Or are you saying that primarily due to the fact that you wish for me to be touching you where you truly want it?” Her hand slipped between Clarke's legs, cupping her heat, and Clarke couldn't hold back a whimper.  
  
“A little of both,” she answered truthfully, shrugging even as she swallowed again, Lexa's hand hot on her sex.  
  
“Well,” Lexa drawled out, shifting herself so that she was fully in front of the blonde, “Since we are on a bit of a time crunch, I suppose I can be kind to you and not keep you waiting much longer.”  
  
As Lexa knelt down in front of her, her free hand running down the blonde's body as she moved, Clarke managed to say, “Now look who's being the true friend.”  
  
Lexa's head tilted back, her smirk evident even with Clarke's eyes half closed.  
  
“Yes, that is me, always taking care of others,” she replied, quoting Clarke from earlier, and then she tapped one of her legs gently. “Place your foot up,” she told her, gesturing to the small shelf in the wall for a person to place a bar of soap. Clarke didn't argue, just bit her lip and then moved her leg, opening herself up for Lexa. She gulped, her heart racing in anticipation as she watched Lexa simply stare at her exposed self. The brunette leaned forward slightly, and Clarke inhaled sharply, but before Lexa did anything she looked back up and told Clarke, “Hold on to the handle. We do not need you slipping and injuring yourself. I do not wish to be the one to inform Octavia that her maid of honor has gone to the hospital due to shower sex gone wrong.”  
  
“She has another maid of honor, she'd be fine,” Clarke argued, not really meaning it, but did as Lexa told her and reached out with one hand and grasped the handle sticking out of the wall to her side. Her other hand went to Lexa's head, her fingers wrapping themselves in her wet brown locks, pushing ever so slightly against her to try to get her to please just do it already.  
  
So she did.  
  
Lexa leaned forward without any more notice and suddenly her tongue was running up Clarke's slit and back down, not fully entering her but definitely touching her, and Clarke let out the loud moan she had been fighting to hold in. She felt Lexa smirk against her, and then her tongue was moving again, this time slipping in just enough to tease against Clarke's clit, just barely touching it before pulling away, doing the same small motion over and over. Clarke felt her hips grind against the other girl's face as she let out a whimper, needing more stimulation than what Lexa was currently giving her. The brunette was teasing her, it was obvious, and while she _loved_ it, she also _hated_ it.  
  
“Le _xa_ ,” she groaned, feeling her tongue move against her clit, only to once again pull away when Clarke's hips thrust forward.  
  
“Yes Clarke?” the brunette asked innocently, and Clarke wondered how she could both look and sound so innocent while her face was shoved against Clarke's sex. Her tongue once again jumped out, this time pushing against her clit for a second or so longer than before, before she pulled it away once again.  
  
Without entirely meaning to, Clarke let out a little, “Hmph,” when she moved away again, her fingers wrapping tighter around Lexa's hair. “No _time_ for teasing, remember?” she growled out, and then groaned as Lexa's wicked, wicked tongue danced across her clitoris once again. She felt Lexa's smirk simply grow as the brunette said almost smugly, “Oh yeah. I forgot.”  
  
Clarke was about to call her a liar when suddenly one of Lexa's arms was wrapped around the leg she still stood on and her other hand was up and pushing against Clarke's open thigh, trying to push it even further away to give her more room to work. Her lips engulfed the blonde's clitoris for a quick minute, sucking on it gently while her tongue drew designs against it roughly. Clarke was moaning loudly, her head falling back and hitting against the shower wall, and Lexa was using those moans to simply spur her on. Soon her mouth moved down, lapping up everything that was Clarke as she moved, and the next thing the blonde knew her tongue was thrusting into her quickly, her rhythm unsteady but determined. Clarke tried to swallow but couldn't; tried to catch her breath, but couldn't; tried to do anything other than moan, thrust her hips against Lexa's tongue and grip the handlebar and brown locks tighter, but couldn't. All she could do was let her body react to Lexa's actions, and just as Lexa knew it would, it reacted with groans and moans and thrusts until her body couldn't take it anymore, and then she was coming against Lexa's mouth while Lexa used what Clarke considered to be her incredibly talented tongue to help the blonde ride out the orgasm for as long as her body could take it. Only when Clarke's moans turned into whimpers and she felt Clarke lightly tugging on her hair did she pull away, knowing that the blonde's body had taken all that it could for the moment. She unwrapped her arm from around Clarke's leg and then reached up and gently moved the blonde's other leg so that she was once again standing on two wobbly feet, before Lexa slowly stood up, just barely allowing her fingers to brush against Clarke's skin as she did so, smirking slightly as she felt the skin shudder against her touch. Finally standing up straight once again, water cascading down her back so as to shield Clarke's sensitive skin from it, she leaned forward, her mouth moving just next to Clarke's ear, and murmured, “Was that fast enough for you, Clarke?” She felt the blonde shudder against her once again and watched her throat work as the blonde tried to swallow. She stepped back, wanting to give the blonde some space to recover, but apparently she didn't need it.  
  
As soon as she tried to take a step back, Clarke's head shot up, her arms reaching out and turning the brunette's body around, and then she was pushing her roughly against the shower wall. Lexa's front made contact with the cool ceramic, her nipples immediately going hard, though whether that was from the cold surface or Clarke's forceful actions, she couldn't say. She felt the blonde press up against her from behind, felt her arms encircle her, one moving up to her chest while the other snaked its way between the brunette's legs. Her own arms pressed against the wall, the tips of her fingers trying to dig in to the hard surface when she felt the blonde's hot breath on her ear.  
  
“That was very fast, yes,” she felt Clarke whisper against her skin, and suddenly she found that it was very difficult for her to swallow too. “Thank you for that, Lexa. Cause now I can spend a little more time touching you.” She felt teeth suddenly pull against the skin of her shoulder, and immediately after felt fingers pull almost painfully at a nipple. She let out a moan, quickly pulling her bottom lip between her teeth to try to help her quiet herself.  
  
Clarke didn't want her quiet though. It was obvious with the way she moved against Lexa's body. Her teeth and tongue trailed roughly along her shoulder blade, undoubtedly leaving little marks in their wake. Her fingers danced between her breasts, never giving either one attention for too long, drawing tight circles against one nipple before jumping to the next. And the hand between her legs... That hand remained ungodly still. It didn't move; even as Clarke's other hand and mouth worked against her skin, that hand remained motionless, and that, more than anything else, was driving Lexa crazy. In between moans caused by teeth or rough touches, Lexa tried to keep the whine from forming in the back of her throat as her hips thrust uselessly against Clarke's still hand. Finally, the brunette couldn't take it anymore.  
  
“Cl _arke_ ,” she whimpered, her hips thrusting forward, and she felt the blonde's grip on her chest get tighter as she pushed her body harder against Lexa's.  
  
God Clarke loved it when Lexa whimpered. Strong, stoic Lexa whimpering and thrusting against her hand in the desperate need to be touched had to be one of Clarke's favorite versions of Lexa. Right up there with the Lexa whose head was between her legs. And the Lexa snuggling against her at night. And the Lexa who used to hold her hand simply as they walked down the street, or the Lexa who would smile at her for no particular reason other than just because they were somewhere together. Okay, so _every_ version of Lexa was Clarke's favorite version of Lexa, but in this moment, with Lexa whining and whimpering and doing everything but actually begging Clarke to touch her, Clarke could easily say that she really, really loved this Lexa.  
  
“Yes Lexa?” Clarke asked almost nonchalantly as she pulled her teeth away from Lexa's skin, instead picking her head up to rest her chin on the brunette's shoulder.  
  
“I thought... I thought we didn't have... _time_ for teasing,” she growled, her hips still desperately trying to get Clarke to actually do something with the hand resting against the spot that burned for her touch.  
  
“Well, we have a _little_ time for teasing,” Clarke replied, and Lexa could hear the smugness in her tone. “But I suppose that time is pretty much up, huh?”  
  
And just like that, two of Clarke's fingers slipped inside her, and Lexa let out a loud groan as she thrust herself down on them, driving them deeply into her. Clarke's face turned so that she could nip lightly on Lexa's jaw, even as it clenched tightly as the brunette tried to hold her noises in. But again, Clarke didn't want Lexa quiet, so she quickly began curling her fingers inside of the taller girl just as her thumb reached up and began rubbing tight circles around her clit, and Lexa couldn't hold her moans back anymore. Her head fell backwards, propped up by Clarke's shoulder, her jaw falling open and the moans fell freely from her lips while she continued to thrust against the blonde's fingers. Even as her wrist began to get sore, Clarke didn't move her hand, instead just entering a third finger into the brunette, and that little extra something seemed to be all it took to finally send Lexa over the edge. With just another few thrusts, she was shuddering against Clarke's body, her fingers pressing roughly against the shower wall, needing something to curl around, but not finding anything. When her body finally stilled, Clarke's fingers did not, still slowly pushing in and out of her. Lexa whimpered again at the continued motion, and Clarke's hand not working her sex reached up, fingers gently pressing against her jaw to get her to turn her head towards the blonde. At that point Lexa's body felt like clay, and Clarke the artist was molding her into whatever she wanted to, and so she followed the motion, allowing her head to flop to the side. Through half-lidded eyes, she saw Clarke smile at her softly, and then she was kissing her gently, swallowing the few more whimpers that escaped Lexa's throat while those fingers continued to slowly work their way in and out of her. Finally, when Clarke was ready, she stopped her movements, gently pulling her fingers out of the brunette, swallowing one final whimper. She didn't stop kissing the other girl, however, even as she carefully turned her back around so that the tired brunette could lean with her back against the wall instead of her front.  
  
After another long moment of kissing underneath the spray of the water, Clarke pulled away just slightly, causing Lexa to pout. Clarke grinned; the look was incredibly cute, and she was pretty sure Lexa didn't even realize she was doing it. Instead of pointing it out to her, however, she just said, “I think we should probably actually shower now, don't you? We have to be running pretty close to our time limit.”  
  
The pout fell from Lexa's face as she sighed, her shoulders drooping slightly.  
  
“Fine,” she replied, though she made no move to leave the shower wall or to take her hands away from Clarke's waist where they had landed during their kiss. “I suppose you are right. We do have a wedding to get ready for, and a bride and groom to meet up with.”  
  
The blonde grinned before she replied, “And I know I for one will be in big trouble if I'm late meeting said bride because of the shower sex I'm having with my ex-girlfriend.” She leaned forward then and added, “The incredibly, mind-blowingly _amazing_ shower sex with my incredibly beautiful, _wonderful_ ex-girlfriend.”  
  
Lexa just grinned at that, and then finally pushed herself away from the shower wall and moved around Clarke to grab the shampoo bottle standing on the shelf at the other end of the shower. Holding it out to the blonde, she raised an eyebrow and asked her, “Mind shampooing my hair for me?”

***

This time their ride in the elevator did not include long kisses and soft touches, but that primarily had to do with the fact that an elderly couple and a group of kids were already inside when the doors opened for them, and the fact that Clarke's dress was hanging over her arm in its bag. Rather than kiss, the two girls merely stood close to each other, their arms brushing as they kept smiling over at each other, the memory of their last elevator ride fresh on their minds.  
  
As the elevator stopped and opened to the main floor, they waited for the others to exit first, and then followed along, both scanning the lobby to try to find their friends. They didn't see anyone they recognized however, and Clarke let out a sigh as they both walked over to a couch set up in the lobby to sit on while they waited. Lexa looked over to the blonde, raising her eyebrows. In response to the look, Clarke merely told her, “I was just thinking that I clearly could have teased you a little longer, if we're the first ones here.”  
  
Lexa felt her cheeks get a bit warm, but thought she was able to successfully stop her blush, instead informing the blonde lightly, “As the one having been teased, I was personally quite happy when it ended, and you finally gave me the relief I had been needing.”  
  
Clarke just smirked at that as she flopped down on the white couch, Lexa sitting in a more dignified manner beside her. She watched as a stranger walked by, her eyes following his movements, before she leaned over and whispered in Lexa's ear, “Well believe me, there will be a _lot_ more teasing later on tonight, and then there won't be any time limit on how fast we need to be.”  
  
She felt Lexa stiffen against her, her smirk only growing before the brunette replied softly, “Just remember Clarke that two can play at this game. You will be getting back whatever you give.” She met Lexa's eyes and saw the spark in them, her heart racing at the challenge.  
  
Before either of them could say anything else, the elevator doors opened once again, and they heard a surprised, “Wow, they beat us here.”  
  
Both girls stood up, smiling as Octavia, Lincoln, Raven and Bellamy all stepped out of the elevator, their own dresses draped over Raven and Octavia's arms. The four of them moved over to Clarke and Lexa, and Clarke grinned as she realized how pale Octavia looked.  
  
“You okay there, O? Getting excited?” she asked, her tone teasing as Octavia made a face at her.  
  
“Yeah, so excited I could throw up,” she muttered, only causing Clarke's grin to grow. Lincoln looked down at his bride-to-be, his eyes shining as he added, “If you can't tell, she's a little nervous.”  
  
Clarke laughed, shaking her head as she did so. “I really don't know why you're so nervous, O,” she said, “It's not like you haven't known you were gonna marry this guy since like, high school.”  
  
“It's not Lincoln that's making me nervous,” the smaller girl replied, pushing herself further into her fiance's side, his arm already wrapped around her shoulder, “It's everyone else. Everyone's gonna be staring at me, and what if something goes wrong? What if I trip or something while walking down the aisle?”  
  
Anya, who had just arrived without Clarke realizing it, stepped up from behind everyone, rolling her eyes.  
  
“Why is it you always seem to be so worried about tripping?” she asked, her tone not as hard as it often was, but still not exactly kind. “Aren't you supposed to be athletic? Have you ever actually tripped before in your life?”  
  
“There's a first time for everything, and I really don't want the first time I trip to be on my wedding day while I'm walking down the aisle and a ton of people are looking at me,” Octavia snapped, shooting a glare at the other girl.  
  
“I have no doubt you will do fine, Octavia,” Lincoln informed her, after also shooting a glare to his sister. He smiled at his almost bride, turning so that he could gently cup his fingers around her chin, tilting her face up to look at him. “You will walk wonderfully, and you will look beautiful doing it. I know I for one will not be able to take my eyes off of you.” He leaned down and kissed her gently, and it was clear to see her sink into the kiss, finally relaxing a little. When he finally pulled away, a small smile was on her lips, and then she sighed, telling him, “Alright, fine, I'll try to relax. But,” she added, “Keep your phone on you. I could be ready to run away from this whole thing in a minute, and if so I expect you to run away with me.” He grinned at her and nodded before telling her, “I will keep my phone on me, then, yes.”  
  
Raven stepped forward, throwing an arm around the bride's shoulders, pulling her away from him slightly.  
  
“Don't worry Lincoln,” she informed him, throwing a grin up at him, “We'll take care of her. There's not gonna be a run-away bride on my watch!”  
  
Lincoln just nodded, returning her grin, and just then Monroe and Harper appeared, the last of the bride's party to arrive. Seeing them, Clarke stepped forward, taking charge.  
  
“Alright bride and bridesmaids, looks like it's time for us to go get pretty and all that crap,” she informed them, smiling at them before she turned to the others there and told them, “As for the groom and groomspeople, we will see you at the wedding!” She met Lexa's gaze last, and had to fight to control how big her smile got as she saw Lexa giving her her own smile.  
  
“Alright, let's do this!” Monroe exclaimed, leading the way out of the lobby, Harper following behind with a grin. Raven had to tug on Octavia's arm a little, but finally the other girl pulled herself out of Lincoln's hold, shooting a last quick nervous smile up at him, finding his own smile reflected back at her. Clarke just nodded to everyone left there, and then followed the others, saying, “Uh, guys, I'm the one driving, so you kinda gotta wait for me, you know.”  
  
As they disappeared out the hotel doors, Lincoln just turned back towards the elevator.  
  
“Come on,” he said to them, “We're just getting ready here, so we still have plenty of time left before we have to be anywhere.” They nodded to him, and then followed him back into the elevator, letting him press the button to get to his floor, where they would all get ready in his room.  
  
As the elevator began to move, Anya glanced over at Lexa.  
  
“You disappeared last night,” she stated, her tone casual, and Lexa simply kept staring ahead.  
  
“Yes, my apologies for that,” she replied, keeping her tone light as well, “I had fully intended to return when I originally left. I got pulled away, however.”  
  
“Clarke also happened to disappear, right around the same time you did,” Anya added, her tone not changing, asking the question without actually asking it.  
  
“Yes, she did,” Lexa agreed easily, her lips turning up into a bit of a smile. She heard Bellamy chuckle from the other side of Lincoln, and turned to find him grinning widely.  
  
“Way to go Princess,” was all he said, and at that Lincoln and Anya both had to fight to keep their smiles from showing.  
  
“You have no idea,” Lexa merely said, her grin nearly matching his, and they all let out a little laugh, except for Lexa, who was too busy thinking about last night and that morning, and thinking about what she had to look forward to that night. They really had no idea.

***

Getting to the parking lot, Clarke dug her keys out of her pocket, pressing the button to unlock the car as soon as they reached it. They hung up all of the dress bags in the back, before climbing in, Octavia riding shot gun since it was her day, and Raven, Harper and Monroe all cramming into the backseat. Luckily it was a fairly spacious backseat, and even more luckily, it wasn't a very long ride to the hair salon. Making sure everyone was buckled first, Clarke started up the car and pulled out of the parking lot, finally getting them on their way.  
  
Raven, who was sitting in the middle in the back, leaned forward, her elbows resting on the armrest between Clarke and Octavia's seats, her chin resting in her hands. She turned her head towards Clarke, a little smirk on her face.  
  
“So Clarke, how was your night last night?” she asked almost innocently, “Do anything fun?”  
  
Octavia, picking up on Raven's tone and what she was very obviously hinting at, turned towards the blonde with her own grin, her nerves forgotten for the moment.  
  
“Yeah Clarke, what did you do last night?” she asked, and Clarke rolled her eyes at them both without actually taking her eyes off the road.  
  
“I'm gonna kill you both, just so you know,” she informed them, “This is your warning. That was so not okay.”  
  
“What? What'd they do?” Harper asked, leaning forward also, and Monroe followed the movement, also clearly interested in the topic.  
  
“I don't know what you could possibly be talking about,” Raven insisted, her tone betraying that, yeah, she knew what the blonde was talking about.  
  
“You do too know exactly what I'm talking about,” Clarke argued. “You shouldn't have gotten me and Lexa the same room. You had no idea whether she'd be okay with that or not. If _I_ didn't know where we stood, then you two definitely didn't know where we stood.”  
  
“Not necessarily true,” Octavia cut in, “I've been writing to her for years, so it is totally possible that I knew how she felt, even if you didn't.”  
  
Clarke raised her eyebrows at her before she asked, “Oh yeah? So in those letters Lexa specifically told you she still had feelings for me?”  
  
“Well... No,” the brunette admitted with a shrug, “Actually, neither of us ever mentioned you at all. But that's how I knew she still cared about you. I mean, why else wouldn't she ever write to find out how you were doing?”  
  
“Besides, anyone who ever saw you two together in high school knew that you two obviously would always have the hots for each other,” Raven added, nudging the blonde's seat with her shoulder.  
  
“Still, you shouldn't have just assumed,” Clarke said, not letting it go. “If you'd have been wrong, that would have been really awkward.”  
  
Raven's smirk grew, as did Octavia's, and as she looked in the rear-view mirror, Clarke could see that even Monroe and Harper were grinning.  
  
“So we weren't wrong, then,” Octavia said, and Clarke groaned as Raven let out a delighted chuckle.  
  
“I knew it!” she exclaimed, pumping a fist in the air, “I knew it. The moment I saw you, I noticed that nice glow you had. You totally got laid last night!”  
  
Clarke knew she was opening herself up to a much more detailed conversation than she really wanted to get into, but she couldn't help it as she muttered with her own grin, “Last night... and this morning.”  
  
All four girls let out squeals of delight, and Clarke swore they all moved closer to her and she suddenly felt very surrounded as they all started talking to her at once.  
  
“Oh my god, yeah, of course you guys did it this morning, that's so not surprising at all,” Raven said gleefully, “Totally like the Clexa we all know and love: jumping each others bones every chance you get!”  
  
“Well jeeze, glad to know you're putting that room to good use,” Octavia told her, “It can also be used for sleeping, though, just remember that.”  
  
“Damn Clarke, way to get some!” Monroe exclaimed, patting her arm enthusiastically.  
  
“Wow, you've already had a good morning, and it's barely after 9 o'clock; you're gonna have a damn good day,” Harper informed her, shaking her head with a grin.  
  
“Man, that room is going to see so much action over the next few days,” Raven mused as the others quieted down, and Clarke sent her a curious look.  
  
“What do you mean? We're all leaving tomorrow morning,” she replied, “We've only got the rooms for the wedding.” She shot a suspicious look over at Octavia when she noticed Raven just turn and grin at the bride.  
  
In response to both looks, Octavia turned to Clarke and told her, “The rest of us are leaving in the morning, me and Lincoln to go on our honeymoon and everyone else to go home, but you and Lexa have that room for the rest of the time Lexa's here.”  
  
“Uh... What?” Clarke asked, not understanding at all.  
  
“It's my maid-of-honor gift to you, to thank you for all your help getting this wedding together,” the other girl informed her, and then looked at the other three girls and told them, “I'm gonna give you guys your gifts before the wedding.” She then looked back at Clarke and continued, “You and Lexa get that room until she has to go back on Tuesday.”  
  
“Um, O, that's nice and all, but I've got class. I'm getting ready to start my clinical rotations in a few weeks, so I can't just ditch,” Clarke informed her, though the thought of spending the extra time with Lexa seemed way more appealing than sitting in lectures and labs all day.  
  
“Nope, you don't, we took care of that too,” Raven replied evenly, the smugness evident in her voice. “Or, well, your mom helped us take care of that part, at least.”  
  
Clarke raised her eyebrows, turning momentarily to give them both a look.  
  
“Okay, wait, you got my mom involved with getting me out of class so I can spend the time instead having sex with my ex-girlfriend? That's not awkward at all,” she told them, and they both just rolled their eyes at her.  
  
“Please, like your parents don't both know how horny you and Lexa are for each other,” Raven replied, “You really don't think they ever heard you two fooling around? Neither of you are exactly quiet, you know.”  
  
“Yeah, why do you think I put you guys on a whole other floor from us?” Octavia added, much to Monroe and Harper's glee, both of whom started laughing, which just made Clarke blush while she scowled at her best friends.  
  
“I really don't want to think about that, thanks,” she informed them, but then asked, “Alright, so how the hell _did_ you get my mom in on this?”  
  
Raven just shrugged before she said, “We just called her and told her our plan.”  
  
“Yeah Clarke, she knows how much you've missed Lexa, and she was all for helping you spend more time with her,” Octavia added, “Though she said she didn't need any more details than that. So she called your professor and talked them into letting you out of classes Monday and Tuesday, telling him that your cousin was home from the Marines for a few days and that you wanted to spend the time with her while she was home.”  
  
Clarke raised her eyebrows.  
  
“Wait, my cousin?” she asked, thoroughly confused.  
  
Raven and Octavia looked at each other and just shrugged.  
  
“Yeah,” Raven replied, “We didn't know if you were out to your professor, so didn't want to say girlfriend, or ex-girlfriend or whatever the hell she is, plus we didn't know if that would be enough to really convince him.”  
  
“And we didn't know if he knew you didn't have any siblings, so we didn't go with calling her your sister, so a cousin who was _like_ a sister seemed like the safest choice,” Octavia added. “According to Abby, your professor had no problems giving you the time off. He seemed pretty chill with it, in fact.”  
  
Monroe whistled from the backseat.  
  
“Damn, you two thought of everything,” she stated, respect ringing in her voice, and Raven and Octavia just grinned at each other again, clearly proud of themselves.  
  
Clarke, in the mean time, was having a hard time wrapping her head around all of this information.  
  
“So wait a second,” she said, and they all looked back over to her. “You're telling me that I don't have to go back to school Monday or Tuesday, and instead get to spend the days having crazy hot sex with Lexa, who is now apparently my cousin?”  
  
“I mean, I wouldn't tell your professor that you spent the time having crazy hot sex with your cousin, cause he probably wouldn't understand, but yeah, basically that's it,” Raven informed her, shrugging.  
  
They could tell Clarke was thinking about everything they had just told her, trying to process the information because of the way her eyebrows were pulled down, as though she was concentrating on somehow really hard. Finally though a giant smile broke out across her face, and she laughed once before telling Raven and Octavia, “You guys are the friggin _best_! I love you both so much! If either of you ever need a kidney, you come to me, and you can have it!”  
  
They grinned again, both clearly proud of themselves.  
  
“So I take it this means you're not gonna kill us?” Octavia asked, and Clarke just laughed, her excitement palpable. The next few days just got a _lot_ more interesting!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys, your comments always make me so happy. Like, really, so very happy! And because of that, I made sure to update as soon as I could. The plan was to get the actual wedding in this chapter, but it just kept getting longer, so I decided to break it into two chapters to be sure I didn't miss anything. I probably won't be able to update again until next weekend, though, so I hope this can tide you over until then. As always, please read, comment, kudo, message me on Tumblr (clarkethewanheda), whatever you wish! Thanks all!


	20. Chapter 20

As the morning continued, talk about Clarke and Lexa began to fade away, to be replaced with talk of the wedding and with each passing hour Octavia seemed to grow more pale. A feat that Clarke found impressive, since she was already an awfully pale person, but as they left the hair salon and headed to the church where they would finally finish getting ready, there was no mistaken the absence of color to the bride's cheeks. Once at the church, it took a total of two times of Octavia saying, “Nope, nu uh, that's it, I'm calling Lincoln. We're eloping,” before Raven took the girl's phone away and made it her personal mission to calm the brunette down. With Monroe and Harper choosing to help Raven, it meant that everything else fell on Clarke's shoulders to take care of. With all of the planning that had gone into the day, and the rehearsal the day before, Clarke figured much more could have gone wrong, but by the time she was telling Monty and Jasper to start showing people to their seats, she felt more than a little frazzled. Her feet were already starting to kill her from all the running around she had done, and she was pretty sure her hair would have fallen from its neat curls if her hairstylist hadn't have used at least half a bottle of hairspray on it. In the moment, she had questioned how she could have possibly needed to use so much: now she totally understood.  
  
She was finally taking a deep breath by herself in a little room off the side of the church, relaxing for the first time in what felt like over an hour, when she heard footsteps approaching. She straightened up from her spot against the wall, thinking it might be wedding guests, but relaxed when she saw it was just Bellamy moving towards her.  
  
“Hey, looking good Princess,” he said, eyeing her up and down before giving her a lopsided grin.  
  
She returned the look and gave him her own grin as she replied, “You don't look half bad yourself, Bellamy.”  
  
For their color scheme, Octavia and Lincoln had chosen a soft, pale shade of green and black. This meant that the girls all had green dresses, and as long as they were the same color, Octavia had let them choose their own dress style. Clarke had chosen one that fell just beneath her knees, its bottom loose while its top clung to her comfortably. Thin straps held it up over her shoulders, and its neckline dipped down just enough to show off a bit of cleavage. Black heels, a thin black belt, and a black necklace completed the color scheme.  
  
The groomsmen, she knew, didn't have the luxury of having a choice of what to wear. They all had gotten black tuxes, with soft green button down shirts to go beneath them. To complete the look, they all had gotten black bow ties. Clarke had seen all of the suits, as she had helped Bellamy and Raven pick them up, but seeing a suit in a bag and seeing it on a person were two completely different things. If Bellamy was anything to go by, the groom and groomsmen would all be looking incredibly good. Clarke was more than a little excited to see everyone else. And by that, she was trying really hard to include everyone, but really she just meant she was incredibly excited to see Lexa in a tux. Like, really, really excited.  
  
“So, you ready to walk down the aisle with me, Princess?” Bellamy asked, winking at her, and Clarke just rolled her eyes, though the smile didn't leave her face.  
  
“More than ready,” she told him before her eyes traveled to the clock on the wall across the room. Seeing what time it was, she stepped away from the wall she was leaning on, adding, “In fact, I should go check on the bride and see if she's ready too. It's just about show-time. You wanna go check on the groom?”  
  
Bellamy nodded, giving her another wink before he turned away, calling over his shoulder, “See you soon, Princess. Time to get this party going!”  
  
She shook her head at his retreating back, but then followed him out of the room, moving to the lobby while he turned down a hallway to go check on the groom. Reaching the lobby, she saw a couple of people walking in, Monty and Jasper smiling at them while they pointed them in the direction of where to sit. Going over to them, the smile plastered on her face for the guests, Clarke stopped just behind Monty.  
  
“How're we doing?” she asked him quietly, nodding in greeting to a lady who smiled at her as she walked by.  
  
“I think we're pretty good,” he answered, handing a program to a couple and gesturing for them to follow the line of people in front of them. “The flow of people's lighting up, so I'd say most people are here. Whenever you're ready, we can close the doors.”  
  
“Awesome,” she said, nodding, though she knew Monty didn't see it as he smiled to an elderly woman taking a program from him. “I'd say give it maybe five more minutes, then close the doors. I'm gonna go check on the bride. With any luck, we'll be up very shortly.”  
  
Monty nodded, and Clarke turned away, heading back downstairs to the room she had left Octavia and the others in. Walking in, she was glad to see that everything seemed to be going alright. Octavia stood on the far side of the room, her mother at her side talking to her soothingly. Raven stood on her other side, supporting the bride as the smaller girl held tightly to her hand. Even from across the room, Clarke could see that Octavia had a death grip on Raven's hand, and Raven was trying very hard not to wince from it. Monroe and Harper stood to the side, also trying to talk encouragingly to the bride, but Clarke was fairly sure she wasn't really listening.  
  
Grinning, Clarke moved over to them, and as soon as she reached them she looked right at Octavia and asked her, “Ready? It's almost time.”  
  
Somehow, her grip on Raven's hand got even tighter, and the taller brunette couldn't hide her wince, though the bride didn't seem to notice.  
  
“I think I'm gonna be sick,” Octavia groaned, “I really don't know if I can do this.”  
  
Clarke reached forward, taking Octavia's other hand and wrapping it in her own.  
  
“Hey, O, look at me,” she said, and the other girl lifted her head up, meeting her eyes. Clarke gave her a little smile, before telling her, “You've got this, O. You've got an amazing guy waiting upstairs for you, and everyone here loves you, and all we want is for you to be happy. You can do this.”  
  
“Don't focus on anyone else,” Raven added, squeezing the hand that was squeezing hers. “Just focus on Lincoln. He's here to marry you, and you're here to marry him. Nobody else matters but him, so don't worry about what anyone else is thinking but him. And I tell you what, all he's gonna be thinking about is how incredibly hot you look in that dress, and how he is one lucky guy to be marrying you.”  
  
Octavia swallowed thickly, but she nodded.  
  
“Alright,” she finally said, “Yeah, I know, you're right. I'm marrying Lincoln, so Lincoln's all I should be focusing on.” She paused then, and shook her head. “Holy shit guys, I'm getting married. Like, I'm actually getting married. How fucking weird is that?”  
  
They all laughed, even Octavia, and then Clarke squeezed her hand again.  
  
“Yeah, it's really fucking weird,” she informed the other girl, “But it's right. Yeah? Doesn't it feel right?”  
  
“Just... _so_ right,” Octavia replied, closing her eyes, and they all smiled again.  
  
“Alright then, let's go get this thing started!” Raven exclaimed, and after just another split second of hesitation, Octavia nodded, and then Clarke led the way out of the room and back up the stairs.  
  
Reaching the lobby, Clarke was glad to see that the doors had already been shut, and that Lincoln and his groomsmen were already standing there, just waiting for them. The moment Octavia saw Lincoln, Clarke could see her visibly relax, all trace of nerves leaving her, and the way that Lincoln's eyes shone the moment he saw his bride almost made the blonde feel like she was interrupting a private moment. The bride and groom moved to each other, no one in their parties even trying to stop them, and a moment later their foreheads were pressed together, talking softly enough that no one else could hear them.  
  
Clarke turned away, not wanting to interfere with their moment, and her eyes were immediately drawn to Lexa, who stood on the other side of the lobby. Seeing the other girl, it suddenly felt as though she had been punched in the stomach, as her breath completely left her.  
  
Bellamy had looked good in his suit: hell, even great. That was nothing in comparison to how Lexa looked. Lexa looked... Clarke really just didn't have a word for it. She just looked... Amazing. Beautiful. _Hot_. Sexy. Wonderful. None of those words really seemed to do her justice, but they were all Clarke's weak mind could come up with. She felt the coil in her stomach form, felt the space between her legs heat up, and wanted nothing more than to shove her (or be shoved _by_ her) against the nearest wall, their lips attacking each other, and as Lexa moved towards her, she could tell by the glint in the other girl's eyes that she knew exactly what Clarke was thinking.  
  
“You look beautiful, Clarke,” she told her as she reached her, her eyes slowly traveling down the blonde's figure, and Clarke nearly shivered under the look.  
  
“You look... Wow. Just... Wow,” was all she could say in response, causing one corner of Lexa's lips to turn up in a smile. “You know, I didn't know I had a thing for women in suits until this moment. Now though... Now I know.” Her own eyes traveled up and down Lexa's body, the brunette grinning as she did so.  
  
“I will have to remember that,” she remarked, and Clarke had a hard time keeping her lip from moving between her teeth.  
  
“You two should not be left alone,” Anya drawled, rolling her eyes as she joined them, clearly seeing the looks they were giving each other. “You're like cats in heat. I feel like I need to carry around a spray bottle with me.”  
  
Clarke blushed slightly, trying to avert her gaze from Lexa's figure. Lexa, in the mean time, merely rolled her eyes in return.  
  
“I would prefer that you didn't,” she replied, turning slightly to her friend. “I imagine this suit was expensive, and I doubt anyone would appreciate it if it got wet.”  
  
Anya's response was to simply roll her eyes again, and Clarke wondered how many times a day she did that, and how her eyes didn't get tired from it. Before she could ask about it, however, Raven appeared next to her, letting out a low whistle.  
  
“Damn, you ladies look hella good in those suits,” she informed them, raising her eyebrows at them and giving Lexa a wink.  
  
Anya just scowled at her, saying, “How the hell are you straight?”  
  
Raven just shook her head while Clarke let out a laugh.  
  
“Do we have to go over this again, Anya?” she asked. “Just because I can appreciate the fact that you look hot doesn't mean I want to rip that suit off you and push you against a wall. I'll leave that to Clarke.” When all three of them gave her a surprised look, Clarke and Anya's both of disgust and Lexa's of confusion, Raven just rolled her eyes. “In regards to Lexa, _clearly_. God, you guys really don't know how to take a joke. Relax, would ya?”  
  
“Raven, so not funny,” Clarke muttered, her cheeks turning a light shade of pink again as she shook her head.  
  
“I don't know what you're talking about, I'm hysterical,” the other girl replied, flipping her hair back dramatically.  
  
“No, you're really not,” Clarke informed her, just before they all heard Lincoln call out, “Alright everyone, it's time.” They turned to find the bride and groom still holding hands, but turned to everyone else. The only sign of any lingering nerves Clarke could see with Octavia was how tightly she held Lincoln's hand.  
  
Anya and Raven moved to take their places, but before Lexa could move, Clarke's hand shot out, fingers wrapping lightly around her arm. The brunette stopped, her eyebrows raising at the motion. Clarke leaned forward slightly, telling her quietly, “I've got something to tell you later. Something that I think you're gonna like.” The brunette's eyebrows simply rose higher, as though the motion in itself asked the obvious question, but Clarke just shook her head. “Later,” she said, and then turned away, knowing the other girl would follow her. She did, and soon they were all lined up, Clarke taking her place next to Bellamy just in front of Octavia and her mother, Lexa taking her place next to Harper, behind Monroe and Nyko and in front of Anya and Raven, all of them ready to start. As soon as they stood in line, Lincoln nodded, and then Monty and Jasper opened the doors again, and the groom moved quickly down the aisle, taking his place at the front of the room. A moment after he got there, the music started to play softly, and the crowd quieted down. Clarke heard Octavia take a final deep breath behind her, and then their line began to move. They had finally started.  


***

Octavia's laughter rang out, clearly distinguishable above the music playing at the far side of the banquet hall as well as the chatter from the many other people in the room, and Clarke looked over to her best friend, smiling. Seeing the way Octavia leaned against Lincoln, the smile on her face larger than any Clarke had seen there before, it was hard to believe that this was the same girl who had threatened to elope multiple times that morning. Now she looked completely comfortable, as though there was no where else she would rather be than surrounded by the people she loved, leaning against her husband's arm.  
  
God, husband. That was going to take Clarke sometime to get used to, but she couldn't help the smile from growing on her face as she thought about it. Her best friend was married. It was a weird thought, but definitely not an unpleasant one. She grinned as she heard somebody begin to tap their knife against their glass, quickly repeated by many others, and then cheered along with everyone else when Lincoln, grinning, leaned down and planted a kiss on his bride's lips. Yeah, it was weird that they were married now, no doubt about it, but it was also just right.  
  
“What are you thinking about?” she heard Lexa ask her quietly from her other side, and she turned, her smile only growing as she found the brunette already looking at her, the soft look in her eyes evident.  
  
“Them,” she replied, gesturing to her other side where she heard both Octavia and Lincoln laughing. “Just how good this all feels. How happy I am for them. And how happy I am that you're here. So I guess, just how happy I am.”  
  
Lexa smiled at her, reaching over and gently wrapping her fingers through the blonde's.  
  
“I am happy also,” she informed the blonde softly, causing Clarke's heart to soar. “I am happy for them, and I am happy to be sitting here next to you.”  
  
Clarke leaned over, resting her head on Lexa's shoulder as she replied, “Good, I'm glad you're happy about that. It would really suck if you weren't happy to be sitting next to me. Would probably mean what we did all last night and this morning probably wasn't as incredible as I thought it was.”  
  
Lexa let out a chuckle, her head resting against the top of the blonde's and turning against it slightly. “No,” she said, “No, what we did last night and this morning was nothing short of incredible, and has certainly left me very, very happy.”  
  
They grinned at each other, the look they shared only ending when Clarke felt the chair on her other side move, and she turned to see Lincoln and Octavia standing up. Octavia saw her look, and then slung an arm around the blonde's shoulder.  
  
“We're going to dance,” she informed the blonde, her smile never leaving her face. “Come on!”  
  
With that the married couple left them, Lincoln leading Octavia on to the dance floor, cheers erupting once again as Lincoln twirled his new bride around.  
  
Watching them go, Clarke turned to Lexa.  
  
“Dance?” she asked, and Lexa's eyes flickered to the dance floor uncertainly.  
  
“I don't know, Clarke,” she replied, her eyes not leaving the people dancing. “It had been quite some time since I last danced.”  
  
Clarke stood up, pushing her chair back as she did so, and held out her hand to the other girl.  
  
“Come on,” she said, the smile on her face reaching her eyes, “I'm sure you can still dance circles around anyone in here.”  
  
Lexa looked at the offered hand uncertainly for a moment longer, and then took it, allowing Clarke to pull her to her feet. Clarke just grinned at her, and then the two were making their way over to the small mass of bodies already moving on the dance floor. They quickly fell among them, their bodies moving to the beat of the music as well, and while the movement felt a bit foreign to Lexa, it also felt good, as though her body had been aching to move in such a way for some time now. For all she knew it had been, and she just hadn't noticed. Now she did, and when Clarke pulled her close, the blonde's fingers wrapping gently along Lexa's arms, Lexa just grinned, allowing her body to move as it remembered how.  
  
They stayed on the dance floor for a while, dancing together and then with others when others joined them. They danced as a group with Lincoln and Octavia, and then Jasper and his girlfriend Maya when they appeared beside them. Monty joined them for a short time, his body jerking a little drunkenly, as he had spent a good portion of the evening flirting with the bartender, a handsome man named Miller. Clarke and Octavia cheered him on when he finally decided to stop dancing and return to the bar, and Lexa just shook her head, grinning. Just a few minutes after he left the first slow song of the evening came on, and without even thinking Lexa wrapped her arms around Clarke's waist. Clarke smiled up at her, wrapping her own arms around the back of Lexa's neck, leaning into the brunette's hold.  
  
“You know, you never told me what it is you have to tell me,” Lexa murmured in Clarke's ear, and the blonde pulled back just slightly, frowning, not sure what she was talking about. Lexa's raised her eyebrows, adding, “Before the wedding started, you said you had something to tell me. Something that I was going to like.”  
  
“Oh!” Clarke exclaimed, “I totally forgot.” She looked over to where Lincoln and Octavia were dancing in the center of the dance floor. Turning back to Lexa, she caught Raven and Bellamy dancing close together as well, and she just grinned. “Apparently there was more to Octavia and Raven's plan than just putting us in the same hotel room,” she informed the brunette in her arms. “This morning they told me that we have that room until you have to head back out. They even managed to get me out of my classes Monday and Tuesday, so we can spend the rest of the time you're here together.”  
  
Lexa let out a light laugh.  
  
“And how did they manage to do that?” she asked, and Clarke rolled her eyes.  
  
“They got my mother involved,” she answered, shaking her head, and Lexa's jaw fell open just a bit, surprised and impressed. “Yeah, they got my mother to get me out of class so that we could spend the next three days doing nothing but each other. It's weird, I know, but I kinda love them for it.”  
  
The brunette just shook her head before she replied, “Do you ever feel like our friends have a little too much to do with our sex life?”  
  
“All the time,” Clarke groaned, rolling her eyes again, and Lexa laughed once again.  
  
“Well, that works for me, mostly,” the taller girl finally said, once she stopped laughing, and Clarke frowned slightly at her.  
  
“Mostly?” she asked, and she couldn't help but notice the way Lexa's eyes took on their guarded look again, even just for a split second.  
  
“Yes, mostly,” Lexa repeated. “Tomorrow I am afraid I do have a few plans that will be pulling me away from the hotel for a few hours.” When Clarke raised her eyebrows in a silent question, Lexa answered, “I am having lunch with my father. He and I haven't seen each other for a while, and I couldn't come back without seeing him. I had planned on spending the last couple of nights of my stay at home, but now that this has come up, perhaps I will just have to plan to spend the following day with him. Would you possibly like to join us, assuming he can do it? I imagine he would like to see you again.”  
  
Clarke smiled up at her. Of course Lexa would invite her along to spend time with her father during one of the few times she would be able to see him during her short stay. It made her heart beat harder in her chest, knowing that.  
  
“I'd love to,” she replied, “I haven't seen Gustus in a while. If you don't mind, I'd love to see him again, and spend time with both of you.” Lexa merely nodded, returning the smile. She seemed ready to let the conversation end, but then Clarke asked her, “What else are you doing tomorrow? You said you have a few plans.”  
  
She almost regretted asking the question, as the guarded look in the other girl's green eyes returned full force, and this time it didn't just drop away immediately. The look only made her want to know the answer more though, so she kept looking at her pointedly, not letting the question just drop. Finally Lexa's eyes shifted away, no longer able to hold her gaze, and that in and of itself worried Clarke.  
  
“I have... an errand I must run,” the brunette finally answered, and Clarke was fairly certain she was purposefully being as vague as possible. “I must drive a little ways away to complete it, so unfortunately it will keep me busy for probably most of the afternoon.” Trying to hide the guarded look and draw attention away from how vague her words were, she teased, “I am sure you will be able to find something to do at the hotel while I am away.”  
  
“Do you want company?” Clarke asked, trying to get more out of her, but Lexa just shook her head.  
  
“No, this is something I must do on my own,” she replied, but then smiled down at Clarke, adding, “But when I get back, you will have me all to yourself.”  
  
“Good, that's the way I want it,” Clarke joked, but she was pretty sure the humor she was trying to put into it didn't quite reach her words. Lexa pretended not to notice however, merely nodding. “You can borrow my car,” Clarke added suddenly, and the brunette raised her eyebrows. “For meeting your dad for lunch,” she clarified, “And for... running your errand. You can borrow my car. Trying to get a taxi for all that would suck.”  
  
Lexa thought about it for a moment, and then nodded, telling her, “Yes, that really would suck. Thank you. I will make sure to put gas in it before I return.”  
  
Clarke just nodded, the formality of Lexa's tone and how this entire conversation had turned grating on her nerves. Lexa had always been formal with other people, but never with Clarke. At least, not once they had really started talking. Other than the first few weeks that first summer at Camp Ark, she had never been formal with the blonde, so now that she suddenly was, Clarke didn't like it. At all. But she also didn't know how to make the formality go away without drawing attention to it. Their body language hadn't changed; they still held on to each other easily, but other than that, the formality was obvious to both of them, and only Lexa knew why it was there, and she didn't seem inclined to share. Clarke's eyes scanned her face, but it remained shut off, the real emotions of the moment hidden behind Lexa's guarded look. The blonde finally sighed and leaned forward, resting her head on Lexa's shoulder. She felt Lexa's grip around her waist tighten, but it didn't do anything to alleviate the worry running through the blonde.  
  
Finally the song ended, and the two girls pulled apart slightly, their arms dropping from each others body. A song that was much more upbeat started, and everyone around them began dancing again, bodies doing more than just swaying from side to side, but Clarke and Lexa remained still, caught between trying to maintain eye contact and wanting to look away. Finally Lexa said, “I'm going to go get a drink. Would you like anything?” Clarke shook her head, and after one more look, Lexa was gone, disappearing into the crowd. Clarke stood there for a moment, watching the spot where she had disappeared, until she felt fingers curl around her wrist. She turned to find Octavia holding her, a large smile on her face.  
  
“Come on Clarke, dance with me! Your girl will be back soon!” the smaller girl called out over the music, tugging gently on Clarke's arm, and the blonde couldn't stop the grin from forming on her face, even as her thoughts continued to worry around Lexa. She let Octavia pull her to her, and then they were dancing together, both smiling and laughing, especially when Raven moved over to them, dancing along with them as best she could with her bad leg. She had never been one to let her leg hold her back, and this moment was no exception to the rule, and soon Clarke and Octavia were laughing at all the hilarious ways Raven was, as she called it, “Totally out-dancing them, they should be ashamed of themselves,” and Clarke let her worry about Lexa slip away for the moment, instead just enjoying her time with her best friends.  
  
A number of songs played before Lexa reappeared at Clarke's side, and when she did, Clarke looked up to find a small smile on her lips and a look in her eyes that simply read as, “I'm sorry.” Clarke just returned the smile, pulling her closer to her as the group danced together, letting every worry that had arisen from their earlier conversation leave her for the moment. She knew that whatever this was that Lexa was hiding from her was bad, was something the other girl needed to let out, but she also knew better than to push her. So instead, she just danced with her, showing Lexa that she was there for her, no matter what.  
  
Before long another slow song began, but before Lexa could pull Clarke to her, Octavia cut in.  
  
“Lexa, may I have this dance?” she teased, holding out her hand, her eyes sparkling.  
  
Lexa raised her eyebrows, glancing momentarily at Clarke who just grinned, and then looked back at Octavia. Smiling, she accepted the hand, saying, “I would be honored.”  
  
“Well then, Clarke, how about a dance?” Lincoln asked the blonde, and Clarke laughed as she lifted her hands to his shoulders.  
  
Octavia and Lexa moved with the music, pulling slightly away from the other two, and while Lexa did not ignore her dance partner, she also found it hard to look at anything other than Clarke.  
  
“She's really missed you, you know,” Octavia finally said, drawing Lexa's attention back to the small brunette in her arms.  
  
“What?” she asked, afraid she might have missed something the other girl said, but Octavia just smiled and then looked over at the blonde dancing with her husband. Husband. Yep, that sounded kinda awesome.  
  
“Clarke,” she told the taller girl, “She really missed you. I don't know how much you know about what Clarke went through after you left, and I don't wanna talk about it if Clarke hasn't talked with you about it, but she really missed you. Like, a lot. Seeing you again, it's good for her, I think. You mean pretty much everything to her, Lexa.”  
  
Lexa's eyes trailed back over to the blonde, her heart swelling as she watched the other girl laugh at something Lincoln had said. She looked beautiful with the colored lights of the dance floor hitting her, her blonde curls tumbling down her back. But then, there was never a time when Lexa had looked at her and not thought she was beautiful.  
  
“She means everything to me,” she whispered, not entirely sure she had really meant to say it out loud, but not regretting it either.  
  
Octavia just smiled up at her, even as Lexa turned her attention back to her dance partner.  
  
“I know,” she replied, “It's pretty obvious. I mean, to all of us. We all know how much you both care about each other. So...” she trailed off for a minute, and Lexa saw something akin to fear flash in her eyes before she continued, “So you have to be careful when you go back, Lexa. I mean, you have to be careful for you, obviously, none of us want anything to happen to you, and we'd all be devastated if something did, but Clarke...” She trailed off again as her gaze once again was pulled to the blonde, sticking her tongue out as Raven and Bellamy danced by them, one of them obviously saying something to her. “Clarke would be more than devastated. She would... She wouldn't be able to get over it, I don't think, if anything happened to you. So you've really just got to be careful, okay? None of us can lose you, Lexa, and least of all Clarke.”  
  
Lexa's breath caught in her chest, her eyes trailing from Octavia to Clarke, and then back again. She understood the worry in the smaller girl's voice, understood the meaning behind her words, and while she wanted more than anything to alleviate her worry, she also knew the harsh reality of the life she had chosen for herself. She couldn't say as much to Octavia, though, couldn't bring that harsh reality down onto her on her big day, so instead of saying what she truly thought, she merely told her, “I will do my very best to return to you all. To her. I always do.” The words were true, if not complete, but Octavia accepted them, smiling up at her, and the two danced together in silence until the song ended. As soon as it did, the two parted, making their way back over to Clarke and Lincoln.  
  
“Did you two have a nice dance?” Octavia asked them, grinning as she raised her eyebrows at him.  
  
“A very nice dance, yeah, I might just have to try to steal him away from you, O,” Clarke replied, “You know how much I like good dancers.” She winked at Lexa, who simply smiled.  
  
Octavia feigned hurt, telling her, “Some best friend you are,” until Lincoln's arms pulled her close, wrapping around her waist.  
  
“Sorry Clarke, but there's only one girl for me, and I married her today,” Lincoln informed them all, leaning down and kissing his new wife.  
  
“Aw darn, I guess I missed my opportunity,” the blonde replied, but she was pretty sure the happy couple had tuned her out, too lost in their own little world. She then felt arms wrap around her waist, and she turned as Lexa pulled her close, moving to rest her arms against the brunette's shoulders.  
  
“I guess Lincoln's loss is my gain,” Lexa murmured, leaning down until their foreheads were touching.  
  
“Mm, I guess so,” Clarke replied before she tipped her head up, meeting Lexa's lips. She couldn't be sure if the cheer that went up a moment later was for the two of them or for the newlyweds, but she didn't care.  


***

For another couple of hours, the two girls partied with the rest of the guests, going back and forth from the dance floor to the table to cool down. They spent much of the night talking with friends, catching up with those they hadn't seen in a while or joking around with those they had. They both got a couple more drinks, neither of them ever getting to the point of feeling anything more than a good buzz, but that buzz mixed with the feeling of the other girl being so close, and both of their heads got foggy from the thoughts of the other. As the night dragged on, innocent touches turned not quite as innocent, looks that they shared got to be more and more obvious, and the kisses they stole became more and more passionate.  
  
They weren't the only ones feeling it. Raven and Bellamy were all over each other, not even really trying to hide their actions. Jasper and Maya disappeared for a while and then reappeared, and then left not long after the first couple of waves of guests had decided to call it a night. Clarke looked over at the bar at one point and even saw Monty leaning over it, the bartender's lips attached to his own. Clarke pointed it out to those around her, and her friends all turned and cheered, causing Monty to give them all the middle finger, refusing to break the kiss to truly acknowledge any of them. And the ones feeling it most of all were the newlyweds, their hands soon forgetting that they were in a public place and should probably _not_ be holding on to the others butt quite that long. It wasn't long before shouts of “Get a room!” were going around to different couples, and with each minute that passed, Clarke couldn't help but feel like it might be about time for she and Lexa to do just that. The later it got, the more unkempt Lexa's suit got, first the jacket getting unbuttoned, then the bow tie coming undone, and when Lexa unbuttoned the first button of the shirt, complaining about how hot it was in there, Clarke knew she couldn't last much longer. She managed to outlast Raven and Bellamy, but it wasn't long after they left that Lexa was shooting her dark looks from beneath long eyelashes, and the looks were causing the coil in Clarke's stomach to tighten. Finally, when Lexa's fingers “accidentally” brushed against her bare thigh under the table, Clarke had had enough. She stood up quickly, pulling Lexa behind her, and then moved over to the happy couple who were busy giving each other their own sex eyes.  
  
“Alright, I love you both, I am so incredibly happy for you both, and here's one more congratulations, but I think it's time for us to head out,” she said to them, barely breaking through to them. She rolled her eyes as Octavia merely nodded to her, clearly not at all focusing on her words. So rather than try to really break through, she leaned forward, wrapping her arms around Octavia's shoulders, jumping her slightly.  
  
“Oh, you're leaving?” she asked, apparently breaking out of the silent and probably erotic conversation she was having with her husband.  
  
“Yeah, time to call it a night, I think,” Clarke replied, giving her another squeeze. “I love you both, and congratulations again. You two are amazing and I hope you have a _fantastic_ honeymoon if I don't see you before you go.”  
  
“Thanks,” Octavia replied with a smile, and then she turned as Lexa hugged her once Clarke had pulled away.  
  
“Congratulations again, Octavia,” she told her, “You were incredible today. Have a great time until I see you again.”  
  
“You too, Lexa,” Octavia replied, hugging the other girl tightly. “Stay safe,” she added quietly, and Lexa nodded, smiling down at the smaller girl.  
  
The two repeated their goodbyes to Lincoln, and then they were out of there, their hands clasped together tightly. Luckily for them, the reception hall was just down the road from the hotel, so rather than worry about getting a taxi, the two walked back to the hotel even though their feet were sore, knowing they would probably get their faster that way. As they walked, they had to keep stopping, as one would pull the other in for a kiss and vice versa. When they finally got back, they were able to behave themselves until they reached the elevator, and thank god, once again it was empty as they stepped inside it. To neither of their surprise, as soon as the doors were closed Lexa had Clarke against the wall, her teeth attacking her neck and hands roaming down over the blonde's dress.  
  
Oh yeah: Clarke, really, _really_ liked Lexa in suits. She liked Lexa in pretty much anything (or in nothing, that always worked too), but this suit was seriously driving her crazy, especially now with the jacket open, bow tie untied and first few buttons unbuttoned, exposing just enough skin to make Clarke want to rip the shirt open so that she could see more. It was all driving her so crazy that she didn't know if she was really going to be able to make it to the room before she lost all sense of self control entirely. Oh god, _especially_ with Lexa nipping on her neck like that. She could totally not be held accountable for her actions when Lexa's teeth did _that_ to her extremely sensitive skin. Not at all, and especially not when Lexa in a suit was already driving her insane.  
  
The elevator doors opened, but Lexa either didn't notice or didn't care, because she made no move to stop her attack on Clarke's neck, nor did she make any indication she planned on moving any time soon. Biting her lip to keep a groan in, Clarke had to reach out and press the button to keep the doors open as they started to close, her fingers clearly shaking as they did so. Yup, Lexa definitely knew how to drive her absolutely wild, and she was clearly very proud of herself as Clarke felt her grin against her neck when a soft moan did escape her lips.  
  
“Lexa,” she groaned, trying to control her voice, “We've gotta go. We have to get off this elevator.”  
  
Lexa's mouth slowly moved up the blonde's neck, her lips finally coming to a rest against her ear, and Clarke shivered as she felt her hot breath against her.  
  
“What if I don't want to get off the elevator?” she breathed softly into the other girl's ear. “What if I want to fuck you right here?”  
  
Clarke shivered again, her throat going completely dry, but once again she stopped the elevator doors from closing on them.  
  
“There are... _cameras_ in elevators, Lexa,” she finally managed to get out, though the way her body pressed against Lexa's didn't match up with the tone of her voice. “I would... really prefer _not_ to be fucked in an elevator when I don't know who else might be watching.”  
  
Once again she felt Lexa's lips curl into a smile, but they pulled away from her ear, ghosting over her skin until they reached her mouth, pressing a firm kiss against her lips. It was only a short kiss before she pulled back a bit, this time being the one to stop the elevator doors from shutting.  
  
“Good point,” she said, “I guess we've given the person on the other side of the camera enough of a show for tonight.” She leaned forward again, whispering in her ear, “Besides, when I give you an orgasm, I want to be the only one who sees you.” Clarke moaned again, but Lexa quickly took her hand and finally pulled her out of the elevator.  
  
They made their way down the hallway, stopping every few steps to push the other one against a wall, kisses burning each others skin and hands traveling up and down each others bodies. It was as though they truly couldn't keep their hands off each other, and really that's what it felt like. Each time they pulled away to continue to the room, Lexa's mouth burned at the loss of feeling Clarke against her lips and Clarke's fingers itched to be touching Lexa, anywhere and everywhere, yearned to be mapping out her body. When they reached the end of the hallway, finally making it to their room, they couldn't even keep away from each other long enough to open the door. Instead, Clarke pushed Lexa against it, her back hitting the wood roughly, and once again their lips connected, battling for dominance, neither wanting to give over to the other. Lexa's fingers wrapped themselves in Clarke's hair, pulling her harder against her, and Clarke's hands landed on the brunette's waist, her fingers pressed so tightly against her that she might have worried about leaving bruises if she had been able to really think about it. Instead all she could think about was Lexa, Lexa's body against hers, and the absolute need to be touching her. Without even really thinking about it, she was pulling at Lexa's shirt, untucking it from her pants, and then her fingers were trailing up her stomach, marking trails of fire on her bare skin. Lexa moaned into the kiss, pushing herself harder against Clarke, and the sound only fueled Clarke on. A moment later her fingers trailed back down her stomach, suddenly hitting Lexa's pants. She growled into the kiss, her fingers moving deftly as they unbuckled her belt and then unbuttoned the pants. Just as she was pulling the zipper down, she felt Lexa's knee press against her between her legs, and her growl turned to a moan. The next moment, her fingers slid into the loosened pants, fingers meeting underwear and then quickly sliding beneath those as well. Both girls groaned as Clarke's fingers encountered Lexa's soaked center, slipping into her easily. With the first push of fingers, Lexa's knee jerked against Clarke, and they both moaned again.  
  
“You think...” Lexa began, as she pulled slightly away from Clarke's lips, her eyes nearly closing as the blonde's fingers slid into her once again. “You think that elevators have cameras... but the hallways... don't?” She had to clench her teeth together to fight a moan as Clarke's fingers pulled out of her and then suddenly thrust into her again. Almost of its own accord, Lexa's knee pressed into Clarke again, and she could feel Clarke pressing down on it in return, clearly wanting more pressure.  
  
“To hell with the cameras,” Clarke growled, her face pressing forward and leaving rough kisses against the expanse of Lexa's neck. Between the kisses, she added, “At least we know we put on a good show.”  
  
“Mmm,” was all Lexa managed to get out in reply, Clarke's fingers and mouth making it too hard to form any other sort of reply. The quiet agreement was quickly followed by another moan as Clarke's fingers curled inside her, her thumb just barely brushing against her clit, and with the moan her head fell forward, resting against Clarke's shoulders. Her eyes squeezed shut as she felt her muscles tighten around the blonde's fingers and her own fingers fell from her blonde curls to her back, her fingernails leaving slight indentations against the blonde's pale skin. Clarke felt herself push into the other girl's fingers, though whether she did so because of the pressure of her fingers or the pressure of the knee between her legs, she couldn't say. All she knew was that her entire body burned for Lexa, and no spot burned as badly as the spot her knee continued to press against, never quite giving her enough pressure.  
  
Suddenly they froze as they heard a quiet ding from down the hall, and then voices rang out as a small group of people got off the elevator. Luckily their room was around a turn in the hallway so they couldn't be seen, but both girls stilled against each other. While being maybe possibly watched through a camera hadn't stopped them, apparently the thought of getting caught in the act by a group of strangers was enough to convince them they should probably not continue their actions in the hallway. Quickly Clarke stepped back, pulling another small moan from Lexa as she felt Clarke's fingers leave her, and that seemed to be enough encouragement to get the brunette to move. She reached into her pocket and pulled out their key card, quickly holding it up to the door. The moment she heard the door click she turned the handle and grabbed Clarke, pulling her into the room. The moment they were inside, she pushed the blonde against the closing door behind them, forcing it to close all the way. Her hands fell to Clarke's waist, her lips immediately engulfing the blonde's once again.  
  
“Touch me,” she demanded as she finally pulled her mouth away, pressing herself against the slightly smaller girl, her lips moving to her pulse point. “I was so close.”  
  
Clarke grinned, and considered ignoring the order. She could see how worked up Lexa was, could feel it in the way the brunette pressed her body against her, and a large part of her wanted to get her even more worked up. Even more than that, she wanted to push Lexa past the point of ordering her to touch her: she wanted Lexa _begging_ her to touch her.  
  
“I don't know, I'm not always very good with following orders,” she teased, her fingers trailing lightly up Lexa's stomach, swirling around the buttons of her shirt without actually undoing any of them. She felt Lexa press against her touch, felt her glare against her neck.  
  
“Clarke, touch me,” she demanded again, and Lexa was pretty sure she could feel Clarke's grin even though her face was pressed into the blonde's neck.  
  
“I prefer for you to ask me to touch you,” Clarke informed her, and Lexa felt her fingers drop to the lowest button on her shirt, very slowly beginning to slide the button from its hole. “In fact, I want to hear you beg me to touch you, Lexa.”  
  
Lexa growled against pale skin even as she felt Clarke's fingers move up to the next button, releasing it as slowly as she had the first. Lexa had not begged for anything from anyone for a very, very long time. She just didn't do it; she was too proud too, and she knew Clarke knew that. What she had forgotten, however, was the fact that Clarke _loved_ to push her to the point where she couldn't do anything but beg the blonde to touch her. Whenever Clarke decided she wanted Lexa begging, it always came down to who would break first, who could hold out the longest. Unfortunately, as Clarke moved so that Lexa's head was no longer nuzzled against her neck, Lexa was pretty sure that Clarke was about to play dirty. She wasn't wrong.  
  
“Do you know how much I love touching you, Lexa?” the blonde nearly purred, her fingers continuing up to the next button at the same incredibly slow pace. “Your body reacts perfectly to my touch. Every moan,” the blonde's lips moved to Lexa's jaw, and Lexa had to fight to hold her moan in. “Every shiver,” her lips moved down her neck, nipping lightly at her skin, and Lexa had no control of the slight shiver that ran through her body. Up the blonde's fingers traveled, releasing a fourth button from its hole. How many more were there to go? Lexa couldn't remember, and she didn't dare look down to count. The look would be an admission that Clarke's words and actions were effecting her (not that it wasn't already all too entirely obvious that was the case, but Lexa had enough pride that she could pretend otherwise... maybe), so instead Lexa tightened her grip on Clarke's waist, fighting the urge to push herself against the blonde.  
  
“I do not beg, Clarke,” she growled, fighting to keep the whimper out of her voice as she felt Clarke's pinky lightly brush against her skin as her fingers moved to the next button, almost as though the touch were an accident. The look she saw in Clarke's eyes clearly told her it was not an accident. She set her jaw even more stubbornly.  
  
“Not usually, you're right,” Clarke agreed, her tone light, and that tone alone told Lexa she was in for a fight. It was the tone Clarke always used whenever she knew she was going to get her way. Lexa fought against it, hoping this time she would be wrong (the ache between her legs and the pit in her stomach were not convincing her that would be the case). “But sometimes you do beg, and I love it when you do. Your voice gets a high pitch to it,” she continued, and as her teeth scraped lightly against Lexa's collarbone, Lexa had to lick her lips, fighting the urge to sink in to the feeling. Another button was released. “And your breathing gets so fast. By the time you're begging, your nipples have gotten so hard all I can think about when I look at them is wrapping my lips around them. Are your nipples hard right now, Lexa?”  
  
Lexa bit her lip, feeling her nipples harden at her words, straining against the padding of her bra. They were still sensitive from the last time Clarke had sucked on them, so feeling them press against her bra just made her want Clarke to touch them even more. The blonde's hot breath hit her skin as her mouth traveled just an inch or so below her collarbone and then stopped, sucking lightly on her skin.  
  
“Yes,” she finally managed to say, “Yes, they are hard. I would, I would very much like for you to suck on them, Clarke.” It wasn't begging, but it wasn't an order either, and she hoped Clarke would take the middle ground.  
  
It didn't happen.  
  
“And when you get to the point of begging, it doesn't matter where I touch you, you always moan,” the blonde continued, completely ignoring Lexa's request. “Whether I'm touching you with my fingers,” another button undone, “Or with my lips, you're moaning my name. You're entire body becomes sensitive to my touch, and by the time I slip my hand between your legs, you're so wet that you're practically dripping. I can slide into you so easily when you're so wet, and I have to admit, it turns me on even more when I know I have so much power over your body. You, my beautiful, put-together Lexa, moaning out my name and begging me to touch you, begging me to fuck you until you've lost all control of yourself. Fuck. I love it. I love it so much.”  
  
Even with her lip firmly wedged between her teeth and her eyes tightly shut, she couldn't keep the whimper escaping the back of her throat, and again she could feel Clarke grinning against her skin. Another button came undone, and it must have been the last one, because suddenly she felt the shirt being pulled open, the cold air hitting her warm skin, goosebumps erupting along her flesh, even more so as Clarke's hands moved to the bottom of her stomach, fingers gently brushing over it. She moaned at the touch and couldn't stop herself from pressing against the blonde, her thighs pressing together tightly as she moved, trying to relieve the building pressure between them. For a brief second she considered letting her own fingers slip between the elastic of her underwear and relieving the pressure herself, but all she'd had for too long now was her own fingers to bring herself pleasure, and in the moment what she wanted, what she _needed_ was for Clarke's to do so. Her resolve was quickly breaking, something she knew Clarke sensed as the blonde's mouth moved back up to her ear, taking her earlobe gently between her teeth.  
  
“How wet are you right now, Lexa?” she breathed out, and Lexa's thighs pressed together once again as her words registered in the brunette's increasingly foggy mind. “How easily would my fingers slip into you? Or my tongue? If I kneeled down between your legs right now, how wet would I find you?”  
  
“So wet,” Lexa whimpered, pressing herself against the blonde's thigh, trying so hard to find the relief that was becoming increasingly harder to find. “Clarke, I'm so wet for you.”  
  
Clarke pulled her lips away from Lexa's skin, letting her head fall back slightly against the door. Lexa whimpered at the loss of contact, but did as she was told when Clarke said, “Lexa, look at me.” Her eyes shot open, and another whimper escaped her when she saw just how dark the blonde's eyes had become. “Beg me to touch you, Lexa,” she told her, “Beg me to touch you, beg me to fuck you right here until you've come so hard that you can barely stand anymore. Beg me to fuck you until you're begging me to stop.”  
  
Lexa broke. Her resolve shattered, and in that moment anything was better than standing there without being touched.  
  
“Please Clarke,” she finally begged, her voice nearly breaking from how tightly wound her body was, “Please touch me. Please fuck me, please, please just touch me. Fuck me till I'm screaming your name. Please. I need it. I need you. Please Clarke, I need you to touch me.”  
  
Clarke smirked and then leaned forward, saying, “There now, that wasn't so hard was it?” Before Lexa could respond, Clarke's fingers slipped beneath the elastic of Lexa's very soaked panties, and then they were inside her, both girls moaning once again at the feeling. Her fingers never stopped, immediately thrusting into the brunette roughly, and Lexa's hips were meeting her with every thrust. Her free hand reached up and slid beneath Lexa's bra, both girls moaning again as Clarke's thumb brushed against a very hard nipple. Instead of bringing her mouth down to give the second nipple equal attention, Clarke's face remained where it was, her eyes never leaving Lexa's face even as the brunette's eyes fell shut, the moans now pouring from her lips as both of Clarke's hands moved against her.  
  
“Oh god, _Clarke_ ,” she moaned, her body moving roughly against the blonde's, the pit in her stomach collapsing in on itself as she felt herself being pushed closer and closer to the edge. Clarke listened to the whine in her voice, watched how her lips curled around her name, and then asked softly, “Yes Lexa?”  
  
The brunette just shook her head, her eyes still shut tightly as her hips thrust down on fingers once again curling inside her, and she just cried, “Don't stop. Please, please don't stop, don't stop Clarke.” She could hear the smirk in the other girl's voice when she replied, “I won't Lexa. Don't worry, I won't,” but she couldn't seem to find it in herself to care. All she could focus on was the feeling of those fingers between her legs as her hips pushed against them, her moans only getting louder with each thrust, especially once the other girl's thumb began to rub harsh circles against her clit, and then all that she could moan was the blonde's name on repeat, until she finally felt herself fall over the edge and her entire body was shaking against the blonde's, her muscles tightening around her fingers. Clarke's fingers didn't stop once she reached her orgasm, however, continuing to push and curl inside her, her thumb still moving against the other girl's clit. Lexa took it as long as she possibly could, moaning as the fingers continued to work against her body, but finally she couldn't take it anymore.  
  
“Stop, please, stop,” she whimpered, and in an instant Clarke did, pulling her fingers from inside of Lexa, drawing another small whine from her, and then her hands were cupping Lexa's head, pulling her in for a long, deep kiss. Lexa didn't fight the movement even though her lungs were burning, and instead sunk into the kiss, almost too tired to really return it, her body suddenly feeling like rubber. She didn't need to return it, though, as Clarke was perfectly content with pressing kisses to her tired lips, every now and then getting a kiss back.  
  
After a couple of minutes of the almost one sided kisses, Clarke pulled her lips back just far enough so that she could scan Lexa's face.  
  
“You okay?” she asked, worry creeping into her voice, but Lexa opened her eyes and gave her a small smile.  
  
“More than okay,” she replied, before her own hands moved to Clarke's face, mirroring the hold Clarke had on her, and then pulling her in for a long, deep kiss, swallowing the blonde's sigh. When the kiss ended, Lexa pulled back a bit and added, “That was... very satisfying. Very, very satisfying.”  
  
“I didn't push you too hard?” Clarke wanted to know, the slight worry still in her eyes, and Lexa leaned forward to peck her lips.  
  
“No, you did not,” she informed her reassuringly. “I have nothing but really, really good things to say about that.”  
  
“Good,” Clarke breathed with a sigh of relief. The relief didn't last long as Lexa's eyes darkened, a smirk tugging at the corners of her lips. Clarke swallowed thickly at the look, pretty sure that she was going to love what happened next.  
  
“However,” Lexa said, leaning forward and breathing hotly against her neck, “You know how much I hate having to beg.”  
  
The blonde swallowed again before simply telling her, “Yeah, well I wanted to hear you beg anyway.”  
  
Lexa pulled back, meeting Clarke's eyes before she slowly dropped to her knees, her fingers moving to the hem of Clarke's dress, and the look she gave Clarke caused the blonde's heart to jump to her throat. She watched as one hand disappeared beneath her dress, and then closed her eyes as she felt the hand glide up the inside of her thigh. She whimpered lightly when she felt fingers press against the wet spot on her underwear, and then her eyes opened once again as she felt Lexa's other hand push her dress up. The fingers pressed against her center moved to pull against her underwear, and a moment later she felt her wet panties being pulled slowly down her legs.  
  
“Now I want to hear you begging, Clarke,” Lexa informed her, her voice low, and Clarke almost whimpered a second time, but she held it in. She wasn't ready to give up her power that easily.  
  
“Then you better do something to make me beg, Lexa, cause I'm not planning to,” the blonde challenged, even though she knew her body was so wired that if Lexa didn't start touching her soon she would have to start begging. She was pretty sure from Lexa's grin that the other girl knew it too, but it didn't stop her from issuing the challenge.  
  
“My pleasure,” Lexa murmured, and then she leaned forward, her lips pressing against her center, fingers trailing delicately along the insides of her thighs as her fingers pulled her panties further down her legs until she could release them and they just fell down the rest of the way to the floor. Clarke sighed lightly into the touch, and then gasped when she suddenly felt Lexa's tongue enter her, gliding straight to her clit before she began tracing circles against it. She was a little surprised by the sudden motion, having expected a little more teasing from the brunette's previous words, but she couldn't say she was complaining. Working Lexa up so much had worked herself up too, and the thought of getting off quickly instead of it being drawn out was not an unappealing one. Her fingers fell to Lexa's hair, threading themselves through the brown curls, using the hold to press Lexa even further into her. Lexa obliged, letting her tongue travel down from her clit, until she was thrusting the muscle quickly in and out of Clarke, the blonde moaning at each action. The brunette's fingers continued to glide over the sensitive skin of her inner thighs, and between the touch and the tongue working inside her she knew it would be soon, so very soon when she could finally come undone and...  
  
...And then suddenly Lexa pulled away, so suddenly and quickly that the brunette had nearly made it to the other side of the room by the time Clarke's clouded mind realized her face was no longer between her legs. Clarke's jaw dropped as she watched Lexa casually reach up and pull at the bow tie that had long ago come undone from around her neck, tossing it to the floor. She then shrugged out of her suit jacket, walking over to the closet and carefully hanging it up, as if that was the most important thing she had to do at the moment. Which, if the ache between Clarke's legs was anything to go by, it most definitely was _not_.  
  
“Wh-what the fuck?” Clarke sputtered, thoroughly shocked. Never once in all of their time together had Lexa ever left her high and dry, unless someone else had interrupted them. As no one had suddenly magically appeared in their room nor had any cell phone gone off, Clarke could think of no good reason as to why Lexa had suddenly stopped the amazing work she had been doing with her tongue.  
  
“Would you like to watch some TV, Clarke?” Lexa asked her nonchalantly, giving her a polite look after hanging up her jacket. She didn't take the shirt off, nor did she make any move to button it back up, instead moving over to the small table next to the bed and picking up the remote. Turning on the TV, she called to the blonde without looking at her, “I imagine there must be something on at this time of night.”  
  
Clarke was dumbfounded. Just absolutely and completely dumbfounded. What was going _on_?  
  
“Uh, Lexa? Weren't you doing something?” she managed to ask, taking a step forward. “More accurately, weren't you doing some _one_?”  
  
Lexa reached down and deftly removed her belt, allowing that to fall to the floor along with the bow tie, but didn't take her pants off, nor did she zip them back up. Clarke's eyes were drawn to the small patch of blue she could see of the brunette's underwear, but she tore her eyes away and glared at Lexa. As she took another step forward, she became keenly aware that her own underwear lay on the floor behind her, the wetness from Lexa's earlier actions rubbing along her thighs as she moved.  
  
Lexa, in the mean time, climbed on the bed, sitting up so that her back leaned against the headboard, the remote still in hand as she aimlessly flipped through channels. She didn't look at Clarke as she raised her eyebrows in what Clarke thought may have been in mock interest.  
  
“I'm not entirely sure what you are referring to, Clarke,” she replied, and Clarke's jaw dropped further. “Would you like to watch Animal Planet? There seems to be some show on about animals who live on the plains of Africa. Or perhaps you would prefer the history channel? I believe this program focuses on the Egyptians. I imagine it would be quite interesting.”  
  
“I, I, I don't know what to say,” Clarke told her, her disbelief clear. “What, what is going on?” When Lexa didn't reply, merely continuing to flip through channels, Clarke clenched her jaw. “Fine,” she finally said, “If you won't get me off, I'll do it myself.” She reached down and lifted the hem of her dress up, about to use her own fingers to finish the job, when suddenly Lexa was standing in front of her, Clarke's wrist in her iron grip. Okay, when did she get so fast? Or this strong?  
  
“You will not touch yourself, Clarke,” Lexa informed her, her words low, eyes dark. “While I am here, I will be the only one to touch you. Unless I tell you to, you will not touch yourself.”  
  
“Alright then, _touch_ me,” she growled, pulling once again against the brunette's grip, but once again the movement did nothing.  
  
Lexa raised one eyebrow, and Clarke stopped trying to pull away, instead eyeing her suspiciously.  
  
“Are you begging me to, Clarke?” she merely asked, and Clarke's jaw dropped once again.  
  
“ _That's_ why you stopped?!” the blonde exclaimed, “Because I wasn't begging?!”  
  
Lexa's mouth curved up in a smirk as she leaned forward, lightly pressing her lips to Clarke's neck and causing the blonde to shiver.  
  
“It sucks, doesn't it, when the person you want to touch you stops because you are not begging them?” she replied, and then her lips were sucking at the crevice between Clarke's neck and jaw, and Clarke was once again swallowing thickly.  
  
“Okay Lexa, I get your point,” she finally managed to get out, “So now would you please, please fuck me already?”  
  
“Hmm,” the brunette hummed against her neck, causing Clarke to bite her lip, “I'm not so sure I'm ready yet.”  
  
“But I'm begging, Lexa,” Clarke told her, a slight whine to her voice, “This is me begging you, to please, please Lexa, just touch me. Please, I really need you to touch me!”  
  
Lexa smiled against her skin before she gently licked up Clarke's jaw, pulling back a moment later. She met Clarke's eyes and asked her quietly, “You really want me to touch you?” Clarke nodded emphatically, her eyes begging Lexa to do it. Lexa appeared to think it over for a minute, the pause in her actions causing Clarke to huff in annoyance, but then she nodded. “Alright,” she simply said, “I will touch you. But first, I want you naked. Take your dress off.” Clarke eagerly nodded, turning so that Lexa could pull the zipper down on the back of it, and then she quickly pulled it up over her head, tossing it to the ground without a second thought. She turned back towards Lexa, and almost moaned just from the look the other girl was giving her. Lexa's eyes traveled along the expanse of Clarke's skin, sliding down her neck, taking in her bare shoulders and then the black bra that still covered her breasts. “Take off your bra.” Clarke reached behind her, quickly unhooking the bra and then pulling it off her arms, letting it fall to the floor to lay beside her dress. As soon as they were exposed, Lexa's eyes fell over her bare breasts, drinking in the sight of them, and Clarke's breathing picked up as she watched Lexa watch her. A moment later Lexa's eyes rose from Clarke's chest, and Clarke swallowed as she met Lexa's gaze. An instant later and Lexa had stepped forward, wrapping her arms around Clarke's middle and pulling her close, their lips crashing together.  
  
Clarke whimpered against the kiss, her eyes closing as she accepted the almost bruising force with which they came together. She felt Lexa's fingers on her back, and she pressed herself into the brunette, getting as close to her as she could possibly be. Suddenly Lexa's tongue slipped between her lips and was dancing with her own, and Clarke groaned as she tasted herself on Lexa's tongue, the reminder of where that tongue had been only a few minutes ago enough to cause the heat between her legs to flare up. Her own fingers once again moved to the back of Lexa's head, tangling themselves into the other girl's brown locks.  
  
Without breaking their kiss, Lexa pulled Clarke back towards the bed, turning them as they moved so that once they reached it Lexa could move her arms down Clarke's body, wrapping her hands beneath the other girl's thighs. Clarke felt the movement and felt the grip move to her thighs, and she allowed the brunette to lift her up, before she was suddenly tossed lightly on to the bed. The movement surprised her, and as she landed on the mattress of the large bed, her eyes opened to find Lexa crawling up the mattress towards her, in that moment looking very much like a predator stalking towards her prey. Clarke shivered, and then Lexa was once again against her, her fully clothed body pressing Clarke's naked body into the mattress. The brunette's lips were suddenly dancing along Clarke's upper half, never staying in one place for more than a few seconds, and Clarke didn't even try to hold the moans in.  
  
“Lexa,” she finally panted, as Lexa's lips closed around one nipple, only to move away the next instant to return to her collarbone. “Please. You said you would touch me. Please.”  
  
“I did,” Lexa agreed easily against Clarke's skin. “I did not, however, say when I would touch you. I wish to take my time.”  
  
“Le _xa_ ,” Clarke groaned, glaring at the other girl who simply smirked against her chest. “Come on, please, just touch me already!” To emphasize how much she wanted it, she thrust her hips up, just managing to brush against the other girl's. The brief touch was enough to issue another moan from between the blonde's lips.  
  
“So impatient,” Lexa murmured, causing Clarke to roll her eyes and huff in annoyance. “I will touch you when I am ready, Clarke.”  
  
The blonde let out another huff of annoyance as she felt the coil in her stomach wind up even further. If she didn't get some relief soon, she was pretty sure she was going to explode. Sure, she'd never heard of a person actually exploding from getting too worked up and then not actually touched before, even in all of her many science classes, but that was easily just because no one had ever been worked up like this by Lexa Woods before. She suddenly fully believed that if no one touched her _right now_ , she was going to explode. So she did what she had to.  
  
Carefully, in the hopes of Lexa not noticing, she let her hand drop from where it had been pressing against Lexa's side, and slowly she let it crawl down her body, trying to be very careful not to touch Lexa. As her fingers got closer to where she needed to be touched, she knew her breathing got heavier, but she hoped Lexa took that simply as a reaction to what her tongue was currently doing to her nipple. She really thought she was going to make it, Lexa having shown no sign of realizing what she was doing, when suddenly she felt the brunette reach down and grab her wrist once again. Before she knew it, both wrists were pinned above her head, held in place by just one of Lexa's hands. She squirmed beneath her, but couldn't loosen the grip.  
  
“I told you Clarke, only I get to touch you while I am here,” Lexa informed her, her head finally pulling back away from the blonde's chest. “I would love to watch you touch yourself, but not right now.”  
  
Clarke groaned, squirming harder beneath the brunette.  
  
“Lexa, _please_ ,” she cried, the absolute need clear in her voice. “Please, I'm _begging_ you, just fuck me already! I need your fingers inside me! I can't, can't take this anymore, please, _please_ just touch me!”  
  
Lexa smirked before leaning down and capturing the blonde's lips once again with her own, Clarke doing her best to hold her own against her even in her very compromised position. The blonde continued to squirm beneath her, clearly trying to find any way to relieve the pressure between her legs. She was moving so much she didn't notice Lexa's free hand trailing down the side of the bed, and Lexa grinned once more before she pulled her lips away, simply telling the other girl, “Your wish is my command,” and then two of her fingers were inside Clarke, and the blonde was moaning so loudly Lexa was sure any neighbors they had could hear them. She didn't care though, too focused on her fingers' movements inside of Clarke and using her other hand to keep Clarke's pinned above her head.  
  
The blonde's hips eagerly thrust up to meet Lexa's fingers the moment they realized the digits were there, and it was all Clarke could do to keep herself from going over the edge the moment she felt the fingers inside her. She was soaked, making it all too easy for Lexa's fingers to move in and out of her, curling and twisting, her thumb using some of the blonde's wetness to rub fast circles against her clit. Her body wanted to come immediately, it had been waiting so long for the touches, but Clarke fought against it, wanting to ride it out as long as possible. She had waited far too long for Lexa to touch her for her to come as soon as she finally did.  
  
Suddenly however, Lexa's lips were beside her ear, whispering, “Moan for me, Clarke. I want to hear you.”  
  
“Oh god, _Lexa_ ,” she panted, and then it was her turn to repeat Lexa's name over and over, as though it was the only word in the spoken language she could possibly remember. Lexa kissed her jaw as she repeated her name, and then her grip on Clarke's wrists loosened, and suddenly and without letting up on the actions of her fingers inside Clarke, Lexa had moved down her body, her face suddenly joining her fingers, lips closing around the blonde's clit while her fingers continued to work inside her. The added pressure of her tongue against her clit was enough, and suddenly Clarke couldn't hold herself back any longer, and her hips were thrusting roughly against Lexa's face and fingers, her own fingers buried in brown curls while she came hard and fast, losing all control of her own body. Much like she had done, Lexa didn't stop her movements until long after Clarke had finally stilled beneath her, and then she merely removed her fingers from inside the blonde, her tongue still working to clean the other girl up. With every brush of her tongue, she heard Clarke moan and whimper, and finally she felt Clarke's grip tug on her hair. She listened to the silent plea, and removed her mouth from the now too-sensitive space between the blonde's legs, instead turning to leave light kisses against the other girl's inner thighs. Only once she had done so did she pick herself back up, lazily moving herself back up the body of the panting girl beneath her. As soon as their faces once again lined up Lexa dipped her head down, planting soft, gentle kisses against Clarke's jaw while the blonde breathed in large gulps of air.  
  
“I didn't push too hard, did I?” Lexa teased lightly, her tone playful though Clarke could easily make out the genuine concern in her voice. It took the blonde another moment of catching her breath before she could answer, “Oh god, yes you did.” When Lexa pulled away, concern and worry suddenly evident on her face, Clarke just smiled up at her, her fingers wrapping around Lexa's and giving her hand a little squeeze before the conjoined hands fell back against the mattress. “But,” she added, “I expect you to do it again. That was... _amazing_.”  
  
One corner of Lexa's mouth turned up into a small smile as she replied, “Again, huh?” and then her free hand was snaking down Clarke's front again, and the blonde shuddered as she squeezed her thighs together.  
  
“Not... Not right now, though,” she continued, and Lexa just grinned, allowing her hand to move back up to Clarke's face, pushing a few strands of hair out of her eyes. “I need to recover from that first before we can try it again. Though I gotta say, if _that's_ the kind of orgasm I get from making you beg, I'm gonna have to make you beg more often. Though stopping and pretending like you weren't gonna continue was just plain mean.”  
  
Lexa chuckled as she moved to Clarke's side, allowing her body to rest against the mattress rather than hover over Clarke's body.  
  
“Do not expect me to beg very often, Clarke,” she simply replied, “It is not something either of us should get used to.”  
  
Clarke raised an eyebrow at her, turning slightly so that she could look at the other girl easier.  
  
“Oh yeah?” she asked, “You know, that sounds kind of like a challenge.”  
  
“It is not a challenge, it is a fact,” Lexa informed her, adding as an after thought, “I do not beg.”  
  
“It kind of sounded like begging when we were against the door,” Clarke told her, teasing her. “Or does, 'Please, please don't stop Clarke, please don't stop!' mean something else in the Marines?”  
  
Lexa blushed slightly, and Clarke was pretty sure it was the cutest thing she'd ever seen.  
  
“Alright, fine, I do not beg anyone except for you, every now and then,” the brunette conceded. “I still do not think you should make it a habit of trying to get me to do it, however.”  
  
Clarke rolled over until she was firmly pressed once again against the other girl.  
  
“I won't,” she assured her, “I'll save the begging for just every now and then.” Her eyes then trailed down Lexa's body and she shook her head. “How the hell did you manage to keep all of your clothes on during all of that?”  
  
Lexa looked down, noticing the stark difference between Clarke's bare skin and the black pants and green shirt she still wore. Meeting the blonde's blue eyes again, she answered with a smirk, “I guess I don't need to be naked to get you off.”  
  
“Not when you're wearing that suit,” Clarke admitted, and then felt herself blush when Lexa raised her eyebrow at the blonde. The sight of Clarke blushing had to have been one of the most beautiful sights the brunette had ever seen.  
  
“So suits really turn you on that much, huh?” Lexa asked, and as Clarke nodded, she shrugged and added, “Duly noted. I will remember that.”  
  
“That doesn't mean I never want to see you naked though,” Clarke said, eyeing the patch of Lexa's tanned stomach that stood out against the unbuttoned shirt and brushing her finger tips against the soft skin. “For round two, I fully plan on getting all of those clothes off of you.”  
  
Lexa raised her eyebrows once again before saying, “Are you so sure there is going to be a round two?”  
  
The next moment Clarke was straddling the brunette's hips and Lexa was looking into blue eyes that had gone dark once again. Leaning down, Clarke answered, “Yeah, I am very, very sure there is going to be a round two, Lexa,” and then her lips were pressed again the brunette's. Lexa sank into the kiss, letting Clarke's lips tug at her own until the blonde pulled away, sitting back up and looking down on her. Opening her eyes and meeting Clarke's Lexa just grinned.  
  
“Well then, I suppose I might as well just take my clothes off now, huh?”  
  
Clarke's laughter rang out even as Lexa sat up, and the two girls worked together to remove Lexa's clothes, the second round of the night getting started.  
  
Lexa did not beg again that night. Clarke did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took so long to get this out today; it kinda became a lot longer than I thought it would. Because of that, I didn't have time to go through it for spelling errors like usual, so if there are a lot, sorry! Anyway, hope you enjoyed! Oh, also, to keep you up to date, I'm gonna try to update again this week, as I don't know if I'll have time to this weekend. Thanks everyone!


	21. Chapter 21

Lexa stared out the car window, her heart racing as she sat looking at the house before her. Every nerve in her body wanted her to start the car back up, pull out of the driveway, and forget she had ever decided to go through with this foolish plan. The voice in her head screamed at her to leave, to just back out now, go back to the hotel, back to Clarke, and forget she'd ever even considered going through with this. No good could possibly come from this: more likely she would just end up hurting herself further, and she would almost definitely just hurt the woman she'd come to see more so than she already was. It had been half a year since Fio had died, which meant his wife might actually be starting to move on with her life now. Showing up, trying to talk with her, it could just as easily make her feel worse than better. Really, it would be better to just leave. Right now. Turn the car back on, and just go.  
  
But she couldn't do that. While the voice in her head tried to convince her to leave, her sense of right and wrong, her loyalty to her people, everything that really made her who she was, told her to stay. It told her to go up to that doorway, knock on the door, and say what she had come to say, and she couldn't ignore that part of her even if she wanted to. She could ignore her emotions, push away every feeling until it became nothing more than a dull blur in the farthest corner of her mind, but she could never ignore this part of her. She could never ignore the part of her that demanded she do right by her people. Fio had been one of her people, and so, in a way, his wife was too. Fio deserved this act, and so she did too.  
  
Setting her jaw as she took a deep breath, Lexa pushed the car door open, finally stepping out of the vehicle. Standing up straight, her head held high, she made her way over to the front door, the knot in her stomach tightening with every step she took. She could ignore it: it had been there since she woke up that morning, had remained as she got ready for her day under Clarke's watchful eye, had barely let her eat anything during her lunch with her father, and had only grown while she made the two hour drive to the house. So now, as she stepped up to the door, she could pretend the knot wasn't there, wasn't making it hard to even breathe. After just a moment further of hesitation, she reached forward, knocking on the hard door before her, and suddenly there was no turning back.  
  
She had to wait for multiple seconds, during which her sudden urge to throw up only increased, but finally the door opened, a woman standing on the other side giving her a friendly smile.  
  
The woman was short; almost half a foot shorter than Lexa, causing the brunette to tilt her head slightly so that she could make eye contact with her. Her face was round, partially hidden by wisps of black hair that had fallen out of a messy bun, her eyes a light brown. Dimples on either side of her mouth showed that she was a woman who had spent most of her life smiling; fading dark spots beneath her eyes showed she hadn't gotten a good night's sleep in some time.  
  
“Can I help you?” she asked, her tone polite but clearly having the intent of turning down whatever this woman on her front step might be selling.  
  
“Tanya Johnson?” Lexa asked, even though she knew this was the woman she had come to seek out. She had only seen Fio's picture once, and by firelight, but this was obviously the woman in the picture.  
  
“Yes?” she replied, her tone shifting, her smile wavering a bit as this stranger called to her by name.  
  
“My name is Alexandria Woods,” Lexa told her, and she noticed the other woman obviously stiffen as she added, “Lieutenant Alexandria Woods, leader of the Grounder Unit. I was your husband's superior officer.”  
  
Lexa noticed Tanya clench her jaw and saw her fingers tighten around the edge of the door, though she didn't show that she had noticed. She continued to meet the other woman's stare even as anger clearly broke out along her face.  
  
“What... What are you doing here?” Tanya asked her, and if she had tried to keep her anger from her tone, she hadn't been successful. Lexa ignored it, expecting as much.  
  
“I am here because... because I wanted to tell you how sorry I am,” Lexa replied honestly, allowing her sorrow to flash across her face for just a moment before she got control of it again. “Fio was a good soldier. A good man.”  
  
Tanya's jaw tightened at her husband's name, but other than that she seemed able to pretend it hadn't effected her. She eyed Lexa for a moment, before she stepped back, asking her, “Would you like to come in?” While her tone hadn't been entirely inviting, Lexa could see that the woman was trying, and so she nodded, even though stepping into Fio's home was about the last thing she wanted to do. She did, and Tanya closed the door behind her before leading her further into the house.  
  
As they walked, Lexa tried not to look at the pictures on the walls. They didn't go far, but in the short distance there seemed to be pictures everywhere. She wasn't able to look away quickly enough before she saw a picture of Fio, a little girl in his arms, both of them smiling at the camera. Another picture she saw out of the corner of her eye was clearly a wedding photo, Fio dressed in a tux and the woman in front of her frozen forever in her wedding dress, kissing her husband. A toddler stood for what could have been the first time in another; next to it hung a picture of a little girl sitting on a couch holding an infant. All around her Lexa saw the evidence of a happy family, and it only broke her heart further. Finally Tanya stopped walking, and Lexa could train her eyes on the other woman, able to ignore everything else around her.  
  
“Can I... Can I get you something to drink, Lieutenant?” she asked, and the title rolled off her tongue almost like a swear. She must have realized how it sounded, because as soon as she said it she bit her lip. Lexa acted as though she hadn't noticed.  
  
“No, thank you, I did not come here to impose,” she replied, though when the other woman held out her arm, gesturing to the couch behind Lexa, she sat, albeit stiffly.  
  
“I'm surprised you're here at all,” Tanya said, also sitting in the chair behind her, almost as stiffly as Lexa sat. “I would have thought the leader of the Grounders would have more important things to do. Fio,” she paused, having to swallow after saying her husband's name, but then pushed herself on, “Fio always made it sound like his unit never stopped, never had a moment to relax. I'd have thought that'd mean the leader of the unit wouldn't have any time to visit a grieving widow. And you're out of uniform. My husband seemed to live in his.” Tears had clearly begun to gather in her eyes, but she fought to hold them back, her jaw still set stubbornly.  
  
Lexa met her accusatory gaze, accepting it as she answered, “I am usually in uniform, yes, but I am home on leave for a couple of days.” As she watched the other woman's chin quiver, she added unnecessarily, “Two of my friends got married yesterday. I was asked to be in their wedding.”  
  
A single tear rolled down her cheek, but her anger was much clearer than her sorrow as she replied, “So, for almost a year and a half my husband spent every moment of his life either training or fighting until he was... _killed_ trying to protect people he didn't even know, and you got to take a break to come back for a wedding?” Lexa's face remained as unreadable as ever, though her gut twisted as though a knife had just been plunged into it. She let this woman have her words, not even trying to argue with her or to explain herself. If it was the other way around and she had lost the person she loved, she would probably be saying the same thing. So she remained quiet as Tanya continued, her grip on her chair tightening until her knuckles had gone white. With each word she said, her self control broke a little more, until the tears were running freely down her face and she wasn't even trying to hide her anger. “My husband died. He was killed in the line of duty. He died... died alone, without any of the people he loved by his side. He was _twenty-six years old_. He had, had a long, long life ahead of him, and it ended because the Marines couldn't protect him. Because _you_ couldn't protect him. You were his leader, his ranking officer, you were supposed to make sure he got home safely, it was _your job_ to make sure my husband came back to me, and you let him die. You let the man I love, the man who means everything to me, you let him die. You, you led him to his death. How could you do that? He was a father! He was supposed to come home to us! He was supposed to help me raise our babies, and now he's gone, and I'm alone. He's gone, and I have to figure out how to, to go on without him, and I don't know how to do that. How... How do I do that? Why couldn't you... Why couldn't you keep him safe? Why did you let him die?”  
  
Lexa's throat burned, her insides twisted, but her face remained unreadable. Tanya clearly expected her to try to explain herself, but she remained silent, and that silence seemed to be what broke the other woman from her tirade. Her tears continued, but her hands left their grip on her chair, moving to cover her face as her body shook with her sobs. Her head shook even as her hands pressed against her face, and Lexa said nothing as she let her sorrow out.  
  
“I'm sorry,” the other woman finally sobbed quietly. “I'm sorry I just... I'm sorry.”  
  
“You have nothing to apologize for,” Lexa informed her quietly, but Tanya just kept shaking her head.  
  
“It just.. It still hurts so much, knowing he's, he's not coming back,” she cried softly, finally pulling her face from her hands and meeting Lexa's eyes. The look of complete and utter loss she saw in those brown eyes simply made the knife in her gut twist, its white-hot blade nearly cutting her open.  
  
“I understand,” she told her quietly, but the other woman was too upset to hear her own sorrow.  
  
“You don't,” she bit back, catching herself and softening her voice before she continued, “You don't understand. You couldn't understand.”  
  
Lexa didn't argue with her, didn't tell her that she did, on some level. Once again she let this woman have the argument, not trying to convince her otherwise. Instead she just sat there, listening as the woman's sobs began to quiet down, watching as she began to gain control of herself once again. She was about to excuse herself, knowing it was time for her to go and leave this woman with her pain uninterrupted, when she heard feet bounding down a set of stairs that must have led to a nearby room. Tanya quickly wiped away her remaining tears, forcing a smile on her face, just before a little girl came running into the room, a doll tucked beneath one arm.  
  
“Mommy, Sarah fell off the bed and got a booboo! She needs a band-aid!” the little girl cried as she ran in, stopping only when she saw a stranger sitting with her mother. The doll's injury forgotten, she moved over to her mother, her eyes never leaving the strange woman with pretty braids in her hair. She wondered if her mommy would do that for her. Reaching her mother's chair, she grabbed the armrest, feeling her mother's hand gently land on her arm as she asked the strange lady, “Who're you?”  
  
Lexa looked at Tanya, unsure how the woman would react to her interacting with her daughter, but she was too busy looking at the little girl to seem to care about Lexa any longer. So she informed the girl quietly, “My name is Lexa.”  
  
She continued to look at her questioningly until Tanya told her, “Lexa works... worked with your father, Sam.”  
  
Sam's eyes perked up at that and then she ran over to Lexa, her doll falling forgotten on the floor behind her as her small hands came to a rest on the brunette's knees.  
  
“You work with my daddy?” she asked, her tone suddenly excited. “When's he coming home? Can you tell him I miss him, and that he promised he'd teach me to ride a big kid bike?”  
  
Lexa noticed fresh tears fall down Tanya's face from the corner of her eyes as the knife cut even deeper into her.  
  
“Samantha we, we talked about this,” Tanya said to her softly, trying to draw her daughter's attention back to her. “Daddy... Daddy went away.”  
  
Sam threw a look over her shoulder at her mother, looking far too much like the exasperated teen she would someday be.  
  
“I know Mommy, Daddy went away, but maybe Lexa knows when he's coming back!” she explained to her mother, as though it was the most obvious thing in the world. Turning back, she looked up with wide eyes and an excited grin. “Well, do you?”  
  
The burning in her throat increased as Lexa now fought to hold her own tears back. Of course. This little girl was too young to truly understand the concept of death. All she understood was that her father was gone, and when things went away they always came back. At least when her mother died, Lexa had been old enough to understand what was going on. This little girl didn't, and Lexa felt her heart shatter under the girl's hopeful look.  
  
“I don't know when your daddy's going to be back,” she finally replied quietly, and she watched as the smile on Sam's face fell away to be replaced with a frown. “But,” she continued, trying to keep her tone light, “I know that your father loves you more than anything. He told me. He told me that you and your sister and your mother mean the world to him, and that there's no where else he'd rather be than here with you.”  
  
“Then why'd he leave?” Sam asked, the frown still on her face, though her tone was less sad than just curious.  
  
“Because... Because he knew he had a duty to protect you,” Lexa murmured. “He knew it was his job to protect you, and your mother and sister. He protected everyone. He left because he wanted to make sure that we are all safe.”  
  
Sam seemed to think that over for a minute before she nodded.  
  
“Okay,” she said simply, the smile reappearing on her face.  
  
Lexa returned the smile with a small one of her own, though she knew hers couldn't be as genuine as the little girl's. She paused for a moment, and then asked the girl, “Sam? Can I tell you something I wish somebody had told me when I was little?”  
  
“Sure!” she replied, her smile only growing, and Lexa's heart physically hurt at the look.  
  
“It isn't your fault,” she whispered, her voice nearly cracking. “None of this is your fault. People will always tell you your father left to protect you, but that doesn't make it your fault. It was his choice to go. You had nothing to do with it. You can't... you can't blame yourself. It isn't your fault.”  
  
Sam just nodded, her eyebrows scrunching up and lower lip sticking out as she tried to take in the seriousness of the words, but Lexa knew she couldn't possibly do so. She only hoped that this little girl would remember them, and that they would become true to her as she got older. With any luck, she would spend far less time blaming herself than Lexa had.  
  
Tanya, still sitting in her chair, watched the entire interaction, and Lexa could feel her gaze on her change. Out of the corners of her eyes she could see the woman's face soften slightly, could see the sudden understanding from the way her shoulders shifted.  
  
“Sam, why don't you take Sarah back up to your room and play with your toys? I'll be up with a band-aid for her boo-boo in a couple of minutes,” the mother suggested, and Sam perked up at the reminder of her hurt friend.  
  
“Oh yeah!” she exclaimed, leaving Lexa and moving quickly to her fallen doll. As she picked her up, holding her tightly to her chest she asked excitedly, “Can she have one of the flower band-aids?”  
  
Her mother nodded and she squealed, running back to the doorway she had entered from. Just before she left, however, she turned back around and called, “Bye Lexa, tell Daddy I said I love him!” Before Lexa could answer, she had disappeared, and they listened to her retreating footsteps as she ran back up the stairs.  
  
The two woman sat in silence, neither really knowing what to say once the little girl had left. Finally Tanya broke it, murmuring quietly, “I'm sorry, I, I didn't know. When I said you didn't understand...”  
  
“You had no way of knowing,” Lexa replied quickly. “And your words were correct anyway. I do not know what you are going through. Your situation is different from mine. I did not come here to tell you of my loss, I came to offer my condolences on yours and to... to tell you how much I admired your husband. Fio was a good man. He deserved to live a long life.”  
  
“Yes, he did,” Tanya replied, and though it wasn't as evident as it had been only minutes ago, the anger that flashed in her eyes was impossible to miss. It was less directed at Lexa this time, but that did nothing to lessen the pressure of her guilt. “Thank you... For this. I... I don't know if it'll help, but it might. And what you said to Sam... If that helps her, then that's all that matters.”  
  
Lexa merely nodded, her throat still burning, but she ignored it as she stood up.  
  
“It... It was nice meeting you both,” she stated, simply as a polite remark since nothing about this meeting had been exactly nice. “I should be going now. I didn't mean to impose for so long.”  
  
Tanya nodded and stood up also, following Lexa as she began towards the door.  
  
“It was... nice meeting you too, Lieutenant Woods,” she replied awkwardly as the other woman opened her door, stepping outside.  
  
Lexa turned back to her and nodded, trying to think of something else to say, but really, what else was there to say? So she just nodded one final time, and then turned away and walked back to the car, opening the door and getting in without looking back. She started the car and pulled it back out of the driveway, her eyes trained forward so that she couldn't watch the house of her fallen comrade fade away behind her.  
  
For over two hours, Lexa tried not to think. She tried not to feel. She tried to focus solely on the road before her, to drown her thoughts out with the music from the radio. To an extent, she was successful, but she could feel it all building just below the surface. Her fingers gripped the steering wheel tightly, the skin along her knuckles turning white within the first ten minutes and then remaining that way for the rest of the ride. Images of what she had seen in that house continually flashed before her eyes, and the more she tried to fight thinking about them, the harder it became. The pictures on the wall. Fio holding his daughter. Fio holding his wife. Tanya breaking down in front of her while images of her happy times surrounded her, just reminding her of what she had lost. Sam, an innocent little girl who didn't understand, didn't realize just how much her life had changed. She was so young, would she even really be able to remember her father as she got older? And her sister. The baby who had never even met her father. What about that was fair? What about that was right? Lexa tried to convince herself that they would be okay, that that family would move on, move past this, but she knew that lie just as well as she knew all the others. After all, she had never truly gotten over her mother's death, so why should she expect those little girls would ever get past their father's? Her arms began to shake, and her grip on the steering wheel only tightened as the burning in her throat simply grew stronger.  
  
Two hours and twenty three minutes. That is how long it took for her to get back to the hotel, and the entire time she fought to keep herself composed. This was all part of life: loss, and the undeniable anguish that went with it was all part of living, and she was too strong to let it control her. She had to be. She had to maintain that strength, could not allow herself to break, or she would risk breaking those around her as well. And so she forced the emotions down, forced the guilt, pain, hurt and sorrow down until it became a small ache in her abdomen, the same ache she had felt for months now. The ache she could control: the ache was manageable. Feeling her shoulders straighten, she stepped out of the car and made her way into the hotel, her mask easily falling over her face once again. She could hide behind the mask, pretend that she felt nothing, as long as the mask remained. The mask was her lifeline, her way of surviving in this world that wished to force her to feel the things she couldn't allow herself to feel. Behind the mask, she was able to nod to the manager behind the desk when he greeted her as she walked through the lobby, able to pretend all was well. Behind the mask she could step on the elevator where a family already stood, waiting to return to their room and not think about the broken family she had just seen. With the mask on her face as she walked down the hall to her room, she could pretend that life was a beautiful thing, that tragedy was a thing only true in stories and legends, and not a harsh part of reality. With her mask, Lexa would survive.  
  
Finally reaching her door, the brunette pulled her key card from her pocket and held it up to the scanner, waiting until she heard the electronic click to turn the handle and finally step inside. She turned to close the door behind her, hearing the television coming from the main room. With the door closed she took a moment to remove her shoes, needing the couple extra seconds to mentally check and make sure her mask was still in place. Once she knew that it was, she turned and walked forward, finding Clarke sitting up in their bed, her focus on the TV across the room from her. As soon as she heard Lexa step forward she turned, and Lexa could tell she knew she had her mask on. Blue eyes scanned her face, and Lexa's spine straightened even further, knowing the blonde would question her.  
  
So when the other girl just turned back to the TV after another moment, asking, “Wanna join me? _The Princess Bride_ is on,” Lexa felt her resolve collapse. She had expected questions, expected Clarke to want to know what she had been doing, to want her to talk to her, and now that Clarke didn't ask, didn't probe at her, she felt every wall, every mask that she had used to hide behind for six months shatter. Clarke knew: she knew that Lexa was different, knew that she was hiding behind something, but she had chosen to let Lexa hide, chosen not to push her, and it was that acceptance that finally broke her.  
  
She felt it in her hands first. The shaking she had used the steering wheel to prevent took a hold of them, and no matter how tightly she gripped her fingers into fists, she could no longer stop the movement. Her shoulders followed, the straightness of her spine falling away as her shoulders slumped forward, and then the burn in her throat won out as her chin began to tremble. Without a word, she walked across the room and climbed on the bed, sitting on Clarke's lap with the blonde's legs between hers and her head on the blonde's shoulder, and then her silent tears finally fell after months of being held back. Her body shook against Clarke's as she felt the blonde stiffen in surprise and then melt into her, her arms wrapping tightly around the brunette's back. She felt one of Clarke's hands begin to rub small circles on her back, felt Clarke turn in towards her, and she just pushed her face further into the crook of the blonde's shoulder.  
  
“Shh,” she heard Clarke whisper soothingly, her hand never changing its slow circles, “I got you Lexa. I got you.” Lexa just nodded against her, unable to form any words as her tears continued to fall.  
  
They stayed that way for many minutes, Clarke holding the brunette and whispering words of encouragement to her while the other girl cried silently against her. It wasn't until Lexa was finally able to catch her breath, the tears still running down her face but no longer uncontrollable, that the brunette pulled back slightly, her face leaving the blonde's shoulder. As soon as she pulled back far enough for them to make eye contact, both of Clarke's hands moved to her face, cupping her cheeks and using the pads of her thumbs to wipe away the trail of tears that still fell from green eyes that knew the pain of the world. Clarke scanned those eyes, trying to read every emotion that suddenly swam in them, no longer able to be pushed down. Lexa met the look, her own eyes never moving from Clarke's.  
  
“Lexa,” Clarke murmured quietly, her tone so soft it was as though she was trying not to scare the other girl off, “What is it? What happened?”  
  
Fresh tears fell down her face, her lips trembling before she stuttered, “I-it's my f-fault.”  
  
“What is?” Clarke asked, her eyes still scanning Lexa's.  
  
“F-Fio,” she said, and Clarke could see her physically breaking even further. “I-it's my f-fault he's dead. I-it was m-my job to make sure he got home safe, and I f-failed. It's all my fault.”  
  
“Oh god, no Lexa,” Clarke whispered, her thumbs gentle as they brushed against her cheeks again. “No, that wasn't your fault. What happened to him wasn't your fault at all.”  
  
“You don't know,” Lexa replied, shaking her head even as the blonde's hands continued to gently press against her face. “You weren't there. You don't know what happened.”  
  
“I don't need to have been there, Lexa,” was the soft reply. “I know you. I know you, Lexa, and so I know that whatever happened, it wasn't your fault.”  
  
“It was,” the brunette insisted, her tears not stopping now that she had finally let them loose. “I should have, should have known that they'd attack, should have, should have had more people scouting. I got careless, and Fio got killed, and others got hurt. I, I failed my people. I failed _him_. Be, because of me, those little girls will never see their father again. Because of me that woman will, will never be able to hold the man she loves ever again. He died because of me.”  
  
“Oh Lexa,” Clarke said sadly, her own pain spiking as she saw what Lexa was doing to herself. “No, honey. That man died because a bullet hit him. He died because he lost too much blood. He died because, because he chose to fight and was the unlucky one standing at the end of a loaded gun. Fio died because there has never been a war where no one got hurt, where tragedy didn't strike and people's lives didn't get ruined. He died for no reason other than that is just what happens sometimes, and it sucks, and it isn't fair, and it hurts too many people to count, but it isn't your fault.” Lexa closed her eyes and shook her head, clearly not believing Clarke's words, and that was one thing Clarke would not allow. Her fingers moved to gently grip the brunette's chin, stopping the motion, and then she said, “Hey. Look at me.” Lexa did, her eyes opening and looking directly into Clarke's, and all the blonde wanted in that moment was to be able to take away her pain. “You are... so incredibly strong, Lexa. You are, are a hero to so many people. To me. Everything you do is for other people, and nobody knows how hard you work every day to keep everyone else safe. You put your life on the line, ready to sacrifice yourself for others, and that... that is... well, that's just you, who you are. Even before you joined the Marines, everyone else always came first for you.” Clarke felt her own tears fall, her heart pouring out into her words and she wondered if Lexa truly had any idea just how much she meant to her. “You are... a hero, and amazing. And brave. And strong. But you can't hold up the weight of the world, Lexa. You're only one person, and no one but yourself expects you to. You have to give yourself a break, have to realize that you are human, and will never be able to prevent every bad thing from happening.” She felt the brunette lean into her hands, and while the emotions swirling in those green eyes still told Clarke she blamed herself, she also knew she was listening. “You have to forgive yourself, Lexa. You have to realize it wasn't your fault.”  
  
Lexa closed her eyes, a fresh sob escaping her lips, but she leaned forward, pressing her forehead to Clarke's, and Clarke accepted the small movement, pressing back. She held the brunette to her tightly, desperately needing to hold the other girl close. Her own emotions were running wild, and she was pretty sure her tears were running just as freely as Lexa's in that moment. Talking about this, everything she had felt when she heard the news, all of those emotions came screaming back to her, and she found it was impossible to shove them to the side. They were there, they were real, and they were mixing with all of Clarke's other emotions, to the point where everything felt too real, too harsh. She had Lexa before her, but it so easily could have been her, could still one day be her, and that thought, that knowledge, terrified her just as much as it ever had.  
  
“I'm just... I'm so glad it wasn't you,” she finally whispered, the words tumbling from her lips, unable to stop them. Lexa opened her eyes, pulling away just a couple of inches to scan her face again, and when Clarke opened her eyes again, Lexa could easily see the fear in them. “It's selfish, I know, and I, I feel so bad for that soldier and his family, but I'm just so glad it wasn't you. I thought... For a minute, I thought it was, and I, I couldn't, couldn't breathe, couldn't even think, I just...,” she shook her head, squeezing her eyes tight again. “I couldn't bare the thought that you, you had been killed. I couldn't, couldn't even begin to fathom what I, I was supposed to do. You mean... mean everything to me, Lexa, and I, I just don't know what I would do if, if something did happen. So I know it's selfish, and I know it's not okay, but I'm so glad it was him and not you.”  
  
And then it was Clarke whose sobs were racking her body and Lexa's arms that moved around her, holding her close. One hand moved to the back of her head, fingers running soothingly through her hair as the blonde sobbed against her.  
  
“I'm here Clarke,” she murmured softly, her own tears forgotten even as they continued to fall. “I'm right here. I'll always be here.”  
  
“You're going back,” Clarke managed to get out around her tears, and they weren't accusatory words, but merely said as a reminder to the reality around them.  
  
Lexa nodded against her, not trying to deny it.  
  
“Yes,” she replied quietly, but she knew Clarke could hear her even through her soft sobs. “I am. But I will return. To you. I will always return to you, Clarke. Always.”  
  
It was a dangerous promise. A promise that Lexa had no way of knowing she would be able to keep, and both she and Clarke knew that. But the promise was made, and so their hearts latched on to it, praying it would remain unbroken. Clarke nodded, her grip on Lexa tightening as the brunette's forehead pressed against her own once again, and for a long while the two simply sat, holding each other and allowing all of their emotions to finally get out after being bottled up for so long. While the tears fell, they didn't need to say anything more, their feelings clear for each other, just as were their fears. It wasn't until the tears had receded and they were merely holding each other that Lexa chose to break the silence.  
  
“Clarke,” she murmured, her face still pressed against the blonde's but not meeting her eyes, “I am... sorry. I did not mean to dump all of that on you. We only, only have a short time left with each other before I must leave again, and I did not plan on spending any of the time crying on you.”  
  
She felt the blonde press against her, tipping her face up slightly, and Lexa's eyes rose to meet Clarke's, finding the other girl giving her a small smile.  
  
“You have nothing to apologize for, Lexa,” Clarke informed her, the smile unwavering. “I'm glad you opened up. You're tough Lexa, I know that, but that doesn't mean you need to keep everything locked up. It's okay to be sad, and it's okay to let that show.”  
  
“Only around you,” Lexa muttered softly, because really, she knew she could never break down like that in front of anyone else. Clarke accepted her as everything she was and everything she tried to be and even everything she wasn't. She didn't expect her to be anything other than herself. To Clarke she wasn't the Lieutenant, or Heda, or even the never wavering girl she knew her other friends saw. To Clarke, she was just Lexa, and it was only with Clarke that she felt perfectly comfortable being just Lexa. She felt the blonde rub another circle over her back, and she pressed against the small movement almost subconsciously.  
  
“That's okay,” Clarke replied, her own tone gentle also. “As long as you let me help you, let me hold you or even just listen when you need to let things out. But you have to actually let me help you, Lexa.” The brunette nodded against her, and Clarke's smile grew as did the warmth she felt in her chest. “Does this mean you don't mind if I write to you now? Once you go back?”  
  
Lexa pulled back just slightly, meeting her eyes, and then told her, “I would... I would very much like that, Clarke. I have missed talking to you. I have missed you.”  
  
Clarke's smile just continued to grow before she leaned forward and pressed a quick, sweet kiss to Lexa's lips. “I've missed you, too. So much.” She then had another thought, and the smile fell away, a look of almost guilt taking its place. Lexa's eyebrows rose and her held tilted to the side, her silent question clear to Clarke, so the blonde sighed before she told her, “I, I have missed you Lexa, so, so much, but...” She sighed again, feeling guilty even asking this, but she had to. “Would... Would you mind if, if I didn't come to the airport to see you off this time? It's not that I don't want to be with you every possible second,” she added quickly, not wanting Lexa to think that for a moment. “It's just... The first time, seeing you get on the plane... It was hard for me. I kind of... I kind of fell apart, watching you leave, and I, I don't think it would happen again. I mean, I've definitely got my life together much better now, and I know that we're both where we need to be and it's important that you go back but... It'll be too hard, watching you get on a plane. I... I miss you so much when you're gone, and it'll be easier to pretend you'll be right back if I watch you leave the hotel room instead of get on an airplane. So... do you mind? Do you hate me for asking?”  
  
To Clarke's surprise, Lexa didn't look like she hated her. She didn't even really look disappointed by the request. Instead her lips turned up in a small smile, her eyes shining as she leaned forward and pressed a small kiss to the blonde's lips. Pulling away, Clarke scanned her eyes as the brunette replied, “I could never hate you, Clarke. Never. And no, I don't mind. I was actually thinking the same thing.” When Clarke raised her eyebrows this time, her surprise evident, Lexa informed her, “It was more difficult than you know, walking away from you and getting on that plane. I almost didn't do it. Now... After these couple of days we've had together... I don't know if I would be able to get on the plane again with you watching. Leaving you here in the hotel will be hard enough, but that I believe I will be able to manage. Boarding a plane with you watching though... I don't think I could do it. So yes, I am fine with you not accompanying me to the airport. I would prefer it, actually.”  
  
The blonde nodded, relieved that they felt the same way, though even just talking about Lexa's leaving had begun to make her heart ache. They still had some time left together though, and Clarke was determined not to spend it missing Lexa while she was still right there with her.  
  
“Now that we've got that figured out, let's not talk about this anymore,” she muttered, and Lexa smiled again, nodding in agreement.  
  
“You are right,” she replied, sitting up slightly but not moving off of Clarke's lap. “There has been enough talk about emotions for the moment. Not,” she added as Clarke gave her a look, “That emotions and feelings are bad things and shouldn't be talked about, but I think there has been enough tears from the both of us for the afternoon. Agreed?”  
  
“Agreed,” Clarke said, grinning up at Lexa.  
  
Lexa returned the grin, and then asked her, “What did you do while I was gone today?”  
  
Clarke sighed, a look of bliss coming over her face, and Lexa raised an eyebrow at her.  
  
“I took full advantage of this hotel and my maid-of-honor gift, and I got a massage. It was amazing,” she sighed, her body still feeling so relaxed from it. It had been way too long since she'd pampered herself, and had decided it was the best thing for her to do while Lexa was gone. She didn't regret the decision one bit.  
  
“I could have given you a massage for free,” Lexa informed her, shaking her head. “You could have just waited until I returned.”  
  
“Yeah, well I didn't want to wait, I wanted one then,” Clarke teased, sticking her tongue out at Lexa. The brunette did something she had not done in a very long time, and stuck her tongue out in return. Clarke laughed at the childish actions, her hands once again rubbing against the other girl's back. Feeling the hard muscles beneath her palms, she grinned and then told her, “However, I would be more than happy to give _you_ a massage now. I bet it's been a long time since you've had one.”  
  
Lexa gave her a look, as though debating the idea. “Yes,” she answered slowly, “It has been some time since I've had one. It is not exactly a common practice among Marines. I cannot think of any of my people who I would want to give me one. Nor can I think of any I would want to give one to.”  
  
Clarke chuckled at the idea of a bunch of Marines sitting around in a circle massaging each others backs and then shook her head. “Alright,” she said, nudging against the other girl slightly to get her to move. “Take your shirt off and lay down and I'll give you one.”  
  
The brunette raised her eyebrow once again as she accused the blonde, “You are just trying to get me naked again, Clarke.” Clarke just grinned as Lexa shuffled backwards on the bed.  
  
“No,” she replied, “I really do plan on giving you a massage. Though yes, I do always love seeing you naked, I won't deny that.” Lexa just returned the grin before she pulled her shirt over her head and then even removed her bra before laying on her stomach beside Clarke. As soon as she was comfortable, Clarke moved to straddle her hips, her hands reaching out to gently kneed at Lexa's back. As her fingers dug gently into the brunette's skin, Clarke listened to Lexa breathe out a small sigh. She smiled, her eyes taking in the sight before her. As true as her words had been, Clarke had no intention of turning this act sexual. Everything about this moment was too intimate for sex. Lexa had just torn herself open, allowed every emotion she felt to tumble free and allowed herself to feel every raw feeling inside of her. Clarke knew Lexa, knew how difficult that had been for her, and so she felt like turning this moment sexual would lessen it somehow. They had always been great at sex, never had a problem with that. Truly opening up to each other however was something Clarke knew they still needed to work on. So at the moment she would bask in the knowledge that they had somehow taken a step forward in this weird, undefined relationship of theirs.  
  
As her hands moved against the brunette's skin, Clarke's attention was once again drawn to Lexa's tattoos, these works of art that had become a part of what Clarke already considered to be a masterpiece. Her hands moved, and soon she was tracing along the black ink between the push and pull against Lexa's skin. The band around Lexa's arm she had studied some already during their time together, but she still hadn't really studied these ones along her back. Clarke really didn't know how to count them. There was one on each shoulder blade, but down the center of her back was a larger one with smaller symbols inside it, and she couldn't tell if it counted as one or eight tattoos. A thin black strand almost like a vine attached each tattoo on her shoulder blades to the one in the center, and Clarke couldn't help but trace her fingertip along it gently.  
  
“You know, you haven't told me what these mean yet,” she murmured, her attention torn between tracing the tattoos and continuing with the massage. So she allowed her attention to split, one hand still moving against her back while the other traced the tattoos. She felt Lexa shrug beneath her fingers.  
  
“Different things, like I said,” she replied, her eyes closed and not opening them as the other girl's hands worked against her, and she could almost feel Clarke rolling her eyes at her. Her lips curving into a smile, she added, “The tattoo in the center is what we came up with for the Grounder unit. Each symbol stands for what is needed to be a Grounder. Strength,” she felt Clarke's finger running lightly over the symbol at the base of her neck. “Courage,” her finger moved down to the symbol beneath it. “Agility. Trust. Duty. Hope.” With each word, Clarke's fingers glided down her back, tracing each symbol. She then felt her fingers travel back up, tracing along the larger tattoo. “On either side of our words are the flames for the fire that burns within us all. It is that fire, that passion, that gets us out there, day after day, chasing down the enemy to create a world that is safe for those we care about.”  
  
“Does everyone in your unit have the tattoo?” Clarke asked, her fingers still gliding along Lexa's skin, tracing every detail. She could feel Lexa nod beneath her.  
  
“I am the only one with it down my back, but yes, I believe we all have it as a tattoo,” she answered. “Ryder's covers his upper arm. Echo's is along her side. I believe Shet's is on his shoulder. A couple of them have it along their calves, or on their chest. I chose my back.”  
  
“You can't see it though,” Clarke pointed out. If she had something this beautiful on her, she was pretty sure she'd want it somewhere she could see it.  
  
“I do not need to see it,” Lexa informed her, “It symbolizes my duty to my people. I cannot see that duty, but I know it is there always, just as I cannot see the tattoo, but know it is always with me as well.”  
  
Clarke nodding, understanding. Everything about that was definitely Lexa. Her fingers came to the end of one tendril of the flame, and followed the thin vine to the left until she was tracing along a large circle. It looked like a wheel, and kind of made her think of the wheel on a pirate ship. “What about this one?” she asked, knowing Lexa would know which one she was referring to by the movement of her fingers.  
  
“That is the Buddhist symbol for rebirth,” Lexa replied quietly, finding it difficult not to completely sink in to the feeling of Clarke's fingers running lightly over her back.  
  
Clarke raised her eyebrows, surprised.  
  
“I didn't know you believed in reincarnation,” she said, her surprise clear in her voice.  
  
“It isn't about that, exactly,” the brunette told her. “It's not that I believe or disbelieve in it, but rather the idea behind it that made me decide to get it, I guess. It less symbolizes my belief that I will be reborn someday, but more that the actions that I take in this life will effect the lives that come after me, whether I am reborn or not. I joined the Marines not because I enjoy fighting, or because I wanted to live the life of a soldier, but because I want to make the world a safer place.” Her thoughts suddenly flew to Sam, a happy little girl with a large smile on her face just wanting to fix her dolly's boo-boo. “If what I do now, in this life, can make life even just a little easier for future generations, then my life will have had meaning. It will mean I will have done what I needed to do to help those who will come after. It is like your dream of being a doctor. You have put all of this time, all of these years into studying, why?”  
  
“Because I want to help people, and this is how I know how to do it,” Clarke answered easily, thinking about her mother and how many people she's been able to help. She felt Lexa nod once again.  
  
“Exactly,” the brunette replied, “You are not doing it for the money, or for the title. You do it because you know there are people who will need help, and that you can be there to give them that help. Those you help will be able to go on to help others, and therein is the cycle of rebirth that I believe in. That's why I got that tattoo: it reminds me that what I do now will effect another down the line.”  
  
Clarke remained silent for a moment, letting the words truly sink in. It was beautiful, what Lexa said, and she couldn't help but agree with the brunette. She had never thought about life quite like that before, but now the idea was there, and while it was almost hard to really wrap her head around, she also thought it was right. Finishing with the wheel, she let her fingers trace back over the vine, returning to the larger tattoo down the center of her back, and then bypassing it to continue to the star on her opposite shoulder. Running her finger along each of the five points she teased, “And what about the star? What deep philosophical reasoning is behind that?”  
  
She felt Lexa's muscles shift beneath her touch, and for a short moment Lexa was silent. Finally she answered, “The star guides me. It reminds me where I am meant to be.”  
  
“And where's that?” Clarke asked, her tone still teasing.  
  
“With you,” was the soft reply, and Clarke's fingers stilled. She felt Lexa move beneath her, and then the brunette had rolled over so that she could look up and meet Clarke's eyes. What Clarke saw in that look took her breath away. “The star reminds me, just as they do every night when I look at them, that you are where I am meant to be, Clarke. Someday the star will bring me home to you, and then I will never need to leave again.”  
  
The words rushed into the blonde's ears, and she couldn't stop the almost shy smile from breaking out on her lips. She could and did stop the tears from forming, knowing that if she started again she might not be able to stop. This time they weren't tears of sorrow or fear though, but rather of joy and love and everything that was just right, so if she let one or two slip out, she didn't worry about them. Lexa returned the look, her expression just as soft as Clarke knew her own to be, and then Clarke was leaning forward, her lips pressing against Lexa's in a long, slow kiss. They both fell into the moment, completely losing themselves against the other, and everything about the moment felt like Clarke knew it was supposed to. Like it was meant to be. Pulling back, Clarke's smile still remained on her lips as she whispered softly, “I'm really looking forward to that day.”  
  
Lexa returned the look, replying just as softly, “As am I.”  
  
They stared at each other for another long moment, before Clarke laid down next to Lexa, her eyes still shining.  
  
“Tell me about the people in your unit,” she said, and Lexa just rolled her eyes, groaning, though she couldn't quite stop her smile from showing.  
  
“Ugh, them,” she replied, and with a bit more poking and prodding on Clarke's part, she was soon telling Clarke all about her people, and to both of their surprise, soon they were laughing as Lexa recounted some of the more entertaining things her people had done. They cuddled up close, and for the rest of the evening, they just held on to each other, filling each other in on their lives. In that moment, and what they were sure would be every moment to come, there was no where else either of them would rather be. They were together, and that was all that truly mattered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the first chapter that has actually made me cry as I wrote it, I think. I hope it made some of you emotional also, so that my tears at least weren't alone. As always, please feel free to send me a message, as I love talking to you guys! Also, comments and kudos are more than appreciated! Thanks all!


	22. Chapter 22

For the rest of their time together, Clarke and Lexa were seldom far from the other. More often than not, all they had to do was reach out, and the other was their to accept their hand, their touch, or look over and have their smile returned to them. In their room they talked, catching each other up on the events of the past six years, touched, relearning each others bodies until they were as familiar as they had once been, or simply just held one another, glad to finally be able to do so again.  
  
The day following Lexa's visit to the Johnson household they spent with her father. Gustus looked almost as happy to see Clarke as he did Lexa. Somehow the three fell into the old rhythm they had established back when the two girls had been dating, nothing feeling uncomfortable or out of place to any of them. Gustus didn't comment on the little touches he witnessed, such as when Lexa's hand subconsciously fell to Clarke's shoulder as she pointed something out, or how Clarke leaned against the brunette's arm while filling her father in on the horrors of medical school. He didn't comment, but he noticed, and couldn't help but let the small, knowing smile on his lips form as he watched the two girls together. At one point he met his daughter's eyes over the blonde's head, and he simply raised his eyebrows at her. All he got for a response from the Lieutenant was a raise of her own eyebrows, and he actually let out a little laugh. Clarke, though not knowing what the laugh was about, was happy to smile right back at him. Everything simply felt natural, and it was a feeling they had all missed.  
  
Later that evening, the two girls came together passionately, fingers, lips and tongues tracing every slope and curve of the other. Their movements constantly switched from fast and frenzied to slow and caressing, one never lasting too long before the other would take over once again. Their time was drawing to an end, and they both felt it in the touch of the other. They were desperate, yes, but not in the same sense they had been the first time Lexa had been leaving. They had been young then, swearing to love each other for all time, a future without the other beside them a terrifying unknown. Now they were older and had experienced life without the other by their side. While lonely and more than a little difficult, both knew that that life was survivable. Unwanted, yes, but survivable, and they knew all they could do about it was to look forward to the next time they would be together again. Even if they didn't know when that next time would be, they clung to it, almost as desperately as they clung to each other.  
  
They stayed in bed together long into the following morning, until Lexa had to get up or risk missing her plane. Even as she showered, packed, and got ready to leave, her movements were often interrupted by one of them pulling the other in for just one more kiss. Just one more touch. Just one final glance, one last smile, one last moment.  
  
And then the final moment had to pass, as all moments do. Lexa left, a final, long kiss still making her lips tingle even as she walked out the door. Clarke watched her go, not leaving the room because if she did she would fall apart, and she was trying so hard not to break down. They had agreed it would be easier for both of them this way, and it was. It still tore at them, still made them ache for the other the moment they were out of each others eyesight, but it was easier. This way, Lexa made it to the airport, made it on her plane, and made it in the air without turning around, even if her thoughts were on Clarke for every second of that time. They had spent a few days together, and while not enough (no amount of time was ever enough), it had to be, for both of them.  
  
They had been together and now they were apart, once again thrown into the heart-wrenching space of not knowing when they would see each other again. 

***

That evening Clarke was unpacking her bags when she found it. She had checked out of the hotel not long after Lexa left, the room suddenly seeming too large, too lonely for one person. After the long drive, she had finally made it back to her apartment, and while she knew she should spend a couple of hours studying before she had to return to classes the next day, she couldn't quite bring herself to open any of her books. So instead she decided to unpack, hoping that getting herself re-situated into reality would help lessen the ache she felt in her chest.  
  
It was tucked away carefully in the bottom of her bag, one of her shirts wrapped gently around it. Clarke picked up the little box, her eyebrows turned down in confusion. Only then did she notice the envelope that had been hidden between the box and bottom of the bag. Her name was written on it, in handwriting she would know anywhere. Setting the box on her bedside table, she grabbed the envelope and then sat on her bed, carefully pulling out the letter inside it. Her eyes scanned the paper, quickly reading the message on it while she let the envelope fall to the mattress beside her. 

_Clarke,_  
_I probably should have given this to you in person, but I couldn't bring myself to. It is one of those things that is just easier to do when we are apart, because doing it while we are together would make it even harder for me to leave. So I'm writing you this letter._  
  
_(If you are wondering, you are sleeping right now and I have locked myself in the bathroom so I could get this done. It is the only time I could think of when you wouldn't get suspicious as to why I was away so long. Not that I am complaining. Being with you is just... Well, you know.)_  
  
_I found this months ago, and the moment I saw it, it made me think of you. You will know why once you have opened it (assuming you haven't already done so, though I should not assume that. I do remember how much you always preferred opening your gifts rather than reading the cards that went along with them. Is that still the case, I wonder? There is so much about you I no longer know. I look forward to learning it all once again. Someday). As it is your birthday next month, and as I do not know when I will have another chance to give it to you, I'm sneaking it into your suitcase. Hopefully you unpack the suitcase not long after returning to your apartment, though I remember how little you like to unpack as well. I hope you like it, and I hope it makes up for all of the birthdays I have missed, and will undoubtedly miss in the future. Know that I will be thinking of nothing but you on your birthday, just as I have done every October 24th for the past six years. Well, really the past eight years, I suppose._  
  
_These past few days have been... indescribable. Being with you again, holding you, seeing you smile at me... Everything about it has been more magnificent than I ever could have imagined. I honestly do not know how I am going to be able to walk away from you tomorrow, though I suppose if you are reading this, I figured out how to do so. It will be hard, though, Clarke. Just so very... impossibly hard. Being away from you is impossibly hard. I... I ache when you are not beside me. I had gotten used to that ache, I think, before this trip, but now I know I will have to get used to it once again, and this time I fear the ache will be even deeper. I suppose that just gives me another reason to be sure I come back to you someday, though._  
  
_I'm sorry, I did not mean for this to get... well, upsetting. I just wanted to make sure you knew just how much I care for you, Clarke Griffin, and that there isn't a moment when I am not thinking of when I will be able to return to you, at least on some level. You mean everything to me, and it would seem these past couple of days have only shown me just how true that still is._  
  
_I can hear you beginning to wake up, and know that you will come looking for me soon if I take much longer (probably to see if I have already showered without you while you slept, which I can assure you is a foolish accusation: I would never miss out on an opportunity to shower with you, especially when we have such a limited amount of time left together), so I will end this here. Goodbye for now Clarke, and I hope you enjoy your gift. I will see you again._

_Yours,  
Lexa_

Clarke shook her head, a smile breaking out on her face even as a couple of tears rolled down her cheeks. She wiped them away, refusing to be sad, and gently placed the letter down beside her, careful not to wrinkle the paper at all, and then picked up the box once again. Opening it, she couldn't help but let out a small gasp. Inside the box lay a beautiful necklace, its chain silver with a blue crystal star hanging from the center. Her fingers brushed lightly over the star, the cool of the crystal feeling good against her warm skin. Just as gently as she had been with the letter, she lifted the necklace from its box and unclasped it, holding it up to her neck. With little trouble she redid the clasp, letting the necklace fall around her neck before she got up and quickly went into the bathroom, immediately flipping the light switch as she entered. Turning to her mirror, her lips once again curled into a soft smile as she touched the crystal again, pressing it softly against her chest.  
  
It was perfect. 

***

**A Week Later ******

_Lexa,_  
_First of all, I will have you know that I have grown into a mature adult, and now always read the cards first before opening any presents. Although, okay, yes, it is true I do sometimes speed-read through the cards so that I can get to the gift, but that is besides the point. I have outgrown my childish ways and now do the responsible thing of reading the card first. So there._  
  
_Second of all, I am still horrible at unpacking, so I guess I haven't completely turned into an adult yet. Though this time I did start to unpack my suitcase pretty much right when I got home (though since I did that so I could put off studying, I don't know how much I can count that towards acting like an adult...). Of course I stopped when I found your letter and the necklace and haven't finished unpacking since and probably won't for weeks, but I'm blaming you for that one. If my parents visit and my mother tries to give me a hard time, I will so definitely throw you under the bus, no questions asked. Besides, I bet I could then distract her by showing her the necklace, so that would be a win/win right there._  
  
_A necklace, which by the way, I absolutely love. It's so beautiful Lexa, and yeah, I can absolutely see why you bought it. Whenever I see it, I think about you, and your star tattoo and everything you said about it and about us. So now I guess we both have our star that will someday bring us back to each other. You couldn't have planned that any better if you'd tried (but seriously, are you sure you didn't get that tattoo after you found the necklace, because really, that's almost a little too perfect, you know?)._  
  
_I have to go in a minute (first day back in classes! Woohoo!... Accept not), but I wanted to write you back as soon as possible. And since I basically fell asleep re-reading your letter over and over last night, this was as soon as possible (I know you're smiling, by the way. I can totally picture it). Basically I just had to let you know that I found the necklace and the letter, and that the past few days meant the same to me. Being with you again... you're right, it's hard to describe. I guess I just kind of feel like for six years I was walking around with only part of me here, and for a couple of days I was whole again. I know I know, it sounds cheesey, and believe me, I'm making a face at that too, but it's just kinda how it is, you know? Like you just make me... more me, I guess. I don't know, like you said, it's indescribable, but I just had to try to put words to it. Maybe I'll go through my science books later while I'm killing time between classes and see if I can find any fancy Latin words that work better for it than English does. It seems like there's a Latin word for everything, so there's gotta be one for this. But yeah, I'm... I'm always thinking about you too, Lexa. About when you'll come back again, about what you're doing, about how much I miss you and how you mean the world to me. So I understand. Completely._  
  
_Okay, I really do have to go now, or I'm gonna be late, and since it's my first day back and my professor gave me a few days off that weren't exactly scheduled, that would be really not good. But I just wanted to say that I love the necklace, and I miss you already. I hope you had a safe flight back, and that everything's going well at... Polis? Isn't that what you called the base? I hope everything is going well at Polis, and that I hear from you again soon._

_Stay safe,  
Clarke_

_PS: For future reference, are you the only one who reads this, or does someone have to check your mail before you get it? You know, so I know in case I ever want to write something dirty to you. Not that it'll stop me, but I want to know if I'll be making more than just your day if I do. Like we did that night in the hallway outside our hotel room. You know the person on the other end of that camera was really glad they were on duty that night. ;) Anyway, really almost late for class now, so I won't make you blush anymore than you already are. Hope to hear from you again soon!_

Lexa was in fact blushing slightly as she finished reading Clarke's letter, but she wouldn't give her the pleasure of knowing that when she replied. She didn't have time to do so right then: she had gotten the letter only a few minutes before she needed to leave to meet up with her team, but when she did write back, she would not let Clarke know that the end of the letter had indeed caused her to blush. At the moment though, she figured she had just enough time to read through the letter once more, making a note to herself to try to find out if anyone else did in fact read her mail before it got to her. To subtly find out if anyone else read her mail before it got to her. The last thing she needed was for her people to find out her ex-girlfriend was sending her sexual letters: she would never hear the end of it, and no doubt others would start trying to break into her mail then, even if no one read it before. Laws against reading other people's mail meant nothing to a bunch of Marines looking for any kind of action they could possibly get their hands on. Especially, she suspected, if that action had to do with their Heda and her ex-girlfriend. She really did not need that at all. 

***

**Two Months Later**

_...I am no longer the youngest member of the Grounders. As of last week, we have a new soldier to the unit. His name is Artigas. He is only eighteen and straight out of high school. From what I understand, he got into some trouble and had the option to either join the Marines or spend time in jail. I do not know what it was he did, but it does not matter. He chose the Marines, and he works hard. So far, at least. That could all change, but for now it seems as though he is determined to prove himself. He follows orders well and is often ready to volunteer in training. I really do not know much about him yet, but he must have stood out in his earlier training for Captain Rivo to place him in my unit. It seems as though Ryder has taken him under his wing, which I suppose if anyone is going to do so, I am glad it is him. While all under my leadership follow me well now, I still can easily remember the days when Quint would push against my orders. They are not days I care to repeat any time soon, so the fact that this kid has slipped into the team without problem leads me to believe (perhaps it would be more accurate to write “hope” instead) that those days are truly in the past, not to be repeated. We will see, I suppose._  
  
_I miss you. Every day. All of the time. I think it is becoming noticeable. Not to my people yet (thankfully) but possibly to the Captain. He was giving me a look earlier today when he caught me in the mess hall staring off (I was thinking of you, of course). He has not said anything nor do I think he will, but I must be more careful in controlling my emotions (not smothering them, no, but in controlling them. I know, I know, I cannot completely suppress what I feel, but when all I feel is the ache of missing you, it is more difficult). I would prefer my people not start asking me questions about my “hot blonde ex” (your picture fell out of my pocket during training once a couple of weeks ago. Marques picked it up before I could, and soon everyone was taking a look. I got many whistles and slaps of approval, you will be happy to know. I am apparently now somewhat of a legend among them, so thanks for that, I suppose) again. There are only so many ways I can try to avoid talking about our sex life with a bunch of men who seem much too interested for my comfort. Hell, even Echo grins whenever it comes up and seems to be very focused on the conversation. Are almost-doctors as interested in sex as Marines? Do your peers try to find out every aspect of your sex life? I suppose it has something to do with Marines not exactly having much of a sex life while on duty, but still. It seems unnecessary to me._  
  
_Hope classes are going well..._

***

**A Month Later**

_...Oh god, these rotations are kicking my ass. But hey, five weeks of my rotation in medicine down, now only seven weeks to go! You know, followed by six weeks in surgery rotations, and then six weeks in pediatrics, and then six weeks in obstetrics/gynecology and then more and more and more weeks in everything else until I am actually ready to explode! Remind me: why the hell did I ever want to become a doctor?! I so should have done something else. Like art. I could totally have gone into art professionally. Sure, I probably would never make a ton of money, but I also wouldn't be drowning in school debt after six and a half years of “higher education.” I could have been happy... Too late to change now. Plus, yes, I know, once I'm finally out of school and ACTUALLY a doctor it will all be worth it, but can't I just complain about it right now?_  
  
_But anyway, enough about that. I'm glad your last mission was such a success! I know you can't tell me too much about it via our letters, but I heard a little bit about it on the news. Sounds like your unit is really doing some amazing things. Which, of course, is no surprise, considering who they've got leading them. This Lexa Woods chick seems like she's kinda a bad ass. Think you could get me her number? You know how much I love bad ass ladies, especially when they have brown hair, green eyes, and legs that go on forever. ;)..._

***

**A Month and a Half Later**

_...Clarke, you are very lucky that I didn't open your last letter until I was alone in my tent. If any of my people had seen what you wrote... I never would have lived that down._  
  
_On the other hand, yes, we can definitely give that a try when we are together again. You have absolutely no idea how much I cannot wait for it now. Also, have you ever considered being a writer? Anya would hate it, having you in the same field she is in, but you do have quite the talent with your writing sometimes. The detail you put in is...I want to say “exquisite,” but there really isn't anything exquisite about bending quite like that. I am certainly willing to give it a try, however..._

***

**Six Weeks Later**

**One missed call at 12:04 PM from: The Married Chick**

**One missed call at 12:49 PM from: The Married Chick**

**One missed call at 2:18PM from: The Married Chick**

**The Married Chick: (3:13 PM) Ok, where the heck r u?**

**The Married Chick: (3:47 PM) Seriously, since when don't u answer ur phone?**

**The Married Chick: (4:04 PM) R u seriously at the hospital? It's Saturday!**

**The Married Chick: (4:12 PM) Is this what our lives r gonna be now? Me trying to get a hold of u, and u not answering because ur at work? I mean, ur not even done with med school yet! Gotta tell u, I feel ripped off.**

**The Married Chick: (4:25 PM) Can't u like, sue someone for making u do school stuff on a Saturday? I definitely feel like u should be able to.**

**One Missed Call at 4:36 PM from: The Married Chick**

**The Married Chick: (4:38 PM) Fine. I wanted to tell u in person (or, u know, at least over the phone and not in text), but since u won't ANSWER YOUR DAMN PHONE! I will just have to tell u via text message.**

**The Married Chick: (4:40 PM) How much do u still wanna be the godmother?**

**The Bestie: (7:07 PM) OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD YEEEEESSSSSSS!!!!!!!!**

**The Bestie: (7:09 PM) Also, for the record, I took on an extra eight hours of clinicals today so that I could get some more out of the way. It's not like I knew you were going to try to call me 4 times and send 7 texts with this AMAZING news!**

**The Bestie: (7:19 PM) And can I just say OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD! again? Cause OH MY GOD!!!!!!! I'm so fucking happy for you, O!!!!!**

**Big Momma: (7:31 PM) Hey, language around the baby! ;)**

**The Bestie: (7:52 PM) First of all, the baby hasn't developed enough to hear anything, unless you waited a while to tell me (in which case, so not ok), second, it can't hear what I'm typing to you via text unless you're reading it out loud, in which case you're the one swearing, so I could say the same to you.**

**Big Momma: (8:06 PM) ;)**

**The Bestie: (8:08 PM) :)**

**The Bestie: (8:10 PM) I'm still just... OH MY GOD! :D**

***

**A Week and a Half Later**

_...Congratulations again to you both! I am truly excited to hear this amazing news! I do expect to be kept updated on all of the details, even while I am away. Though I suppose between the two of you and Clarke that will not be a problem. I got her letter about the happy news two days after I got yours. As I am sure you both are aware, we are all very excited for you. I look very much forward to meeting that little one someday..._

***

**Three Months Later**

_...Clarke... I am... I am having a difficult time. I am sure you heard what happened (I am fine, please do not worry about me, I only got a few scratches, nothing to worry about). I imagine it was probably on the news, though what kind of details they got I can only imagine..._  
  
_We almost lost him, Clarke. Tony. I thought... I thought he was dead as we carried him back to the base. It was a miracle he survived. He had lost so much blood. I thought I had failed another of my men. I did fail him. He did not die, no, but I failed him all the same. He has been sent home from an injury he may never recover from, and it is my fault. It is always my fault. It is my duty to protect my people, and again I was unable to do so. I just... I failed Clarke. I failed..._

***

**Five Days Later**

_...No, Lexa, you didn't fail. You didn't. You saved Tony's life. Even if he's seriously injured, he's alive, and that's because of you. He's alive, and yeah, he's going home. Please stop looking at that like a bad thing. He's ALIVE. Because of you. All of your people are alive because of you. You're an amazing leader, Lexa, and you need to believe that. And even if you don't, I believe it. Completely. And I'm willing to bet your people believe it. So please, please stop beating yourself up. You guys are at war, and yeah, people get hurt, and yeah, sometimes people die, but nobody did this time and that's because of YOU. You saved everyone, including Tony. Everyone's alive because of you. You, Lexa..._

***

**Four Months Later**

_...I'm fucking huge Lexa. Like, I can barely see my toes when I look down, that's how huge I am. Whoever said pregnancy was a beautiful thing was fucking crazy. I bet it was a man. A man who was never pregnant, because men suck and can't get pregnant. A man who doesn't know what it's like to have something kick your kidneys, or press against your bladder so you have to pee every half hour, or eat weird food combinations because your body's hormones are completely out of whack, or to have your back start hurting the minute you get out of bed in the morning because it's now supporting your weight and the weight of ANOTHING LIVING THING!_  
  
_I'm telling you Lexa, I am so ready for the next month to be over so this little peanut can get out here already. I want my body back. I want it back, and I want to be able to drink again. The universe was just cruel when it decided that alcohol is bad for unborn children._  
  
_Lincoln's ready too. Like, really, really ready, which totally makes sense since he's the one that's had to deal with my mood swings and everything for eight months now (I'm sure you won't be surprised to learn that he's been amazing. Like, he's basically a god. And not a horny god like Zeus. Though sometimes...). Plus we finally finished putting the peanut's room together last month, and now we just want her here. The walls look AMAZING Lexa! Which I know is no surprise since our very own amateur artist did them, but seriously, Clarke even impressed me, and I'm the college roommate who had to sit through three years of her art classes. Not gonna lie, Lincoln and I have spent hours just sitting in her room, talking about what it's gonna be like when she's here. I want my body back, but I also just really want to hold my baby girl, you know?_  
  
_Anyway, I'm sorry, enough about me and my stuff. How are you doing, Lexa? How're the Grounders? Any new news on anything? We miss you over here, as I'm sure you know, and can't wait to see you again, whenever that will be..._

***

**Six Weeks Later**

_Lexa,_  
_Okay, so that was the longest night of my life. And morning. And most of the afternoon._  
  
_Everything about this has totally reaffirmed the fact that I will definitely stick with being a surgeon and NOT an OBGYN. Six weeks of rotations was more than enough for me. The only time I want to be between a woman's legs is for the fun stuff, not the bringing-life-into-this-world stuff. Why O needed me in the room during all of that is beyond me. She said it's because I'm a doctor (which I'm not yet, thanks O) and that she trusted me to make sure everything would be alright (which, again, why she thought I could do that better than the guy who'd been doing it for like, ten years already, totally don't get, but arguing with O is hard enough when she ISN'T in labor!), but seriously, I saw things in there that I didn't need to see. Horrifying, terrifying things. And I mean, yeah, it was all beautiful, the miracle of life an all, but seriously Lexa. Horrifying things. Plus, I saw more of O than I ever needed to see. Sure, we were roommates for four years and best friends for however long before that, so I'd kinda seen it all any way, but there's a whole new light to it all when she's screaming and pushing a living thing from inside of her. I don't think I'm ever gonna be able to watch an alien movie again. Horrifying._  
  
_But, after the hours and hours and HOURS of labor (seriously, poor O and anyone who has ever had to be in labor for long. I am looking at my mother in a whole new light now), little miss Emma Blake Birch graced us with her presence. My god Lexa, she is... just the cutest thing I have ever seen. Like, really. I know people say that about every baby, and a lot of times it's so not true, but in this case it really, really is. She is just so friggin cute. I included a few pictures so you could see how incredibly adorable she is. And sure, she came out a wailing mess, but once she was all cleaned off and in Octavia's arms, I swear, I have never seen anything more beautiful. And O. My god Lexa, as soon as the nurse put that little girl in her arms, I swear she just started... I don't know, glowing I guess. The way she looked at that little girl, and the way Lincoln looked at them both... I can't describe it. They're a family, and it's so weird to think of them as parents, but they are, and damn did they look good with that little girl. I'm rambling, I know, but god Lexa I wish you could have been there to see it. Auntie Anya was there (we've all started calling her that, and she HATES it. It's fantastic), and I swear I have never seen her smile before, but she was smiling at Emma (which of course Raven was quick to point out, cause that's what Raven does, but even that couldn't wipe the smile off her face). Oh god, and Bellamy was a fucking MESS in the waiting room. I had to keep popping back and forth between waiting room and delivery room, and I will tell you I hope he calms down before he ever has kids of his own cause he would not have been able to make it in that delivery room. But when we were all finally able to visit and see mom and dad and baby, it was just... an incredible moment. The only thing that could have made it better is if you had been there too. We were all thinking of you. Well, okay, so the others may have been a little preoccupied during a lot of that, but I was thinking of you, and later once Emma was out and not screaming everyone was thinking of you. The nurse even took a picture of all of us for you. It's included in the pictures I sent. Obviously._  
  
_Anyway, I have to go now, but I just wanted to make sure you knew that Emma had arrived, and that O is fine and did a great job, and even Lincoln survived the whole ordeal. The happy family is home, and I am visiting them this weekend (I have a feeling most of my weekends in the near future will be spent on the couch at their apartment), so I'm sure I'll be sending more pictures soon._  
  
_I miss you (I'm always missing you), and hope things are going well. Tell Shet congratulations for me (though between you and me, I don't entirely understand why he would propose now while he still doesn't know when he's going to be able to go home to her, but I'm still happy for him) and tell Tristan to take it easy on the injured leg (and you don't push him too hard!). I know you're all tough Marines, but injuries need time to HEAL. Listen to me; I know what I'm talking about. I am a doctor, after all (according to O, at least). So really, don't push it. And if you conveniently “forgot” to mention any injuries you got from that last mission, take it easy too. I happen to really like that body of yours and expect it to be well taken care of until it returns to me and I can take care of it. So you take any time you need to heal too and if your Captain has anything to say about that then he can talk to me about it, and I'll set him straight. So rest, Lexa, and take it easy. Doctor's orders._

_Stay safe and do what I say!  
Clarke_

Lexa shook her head, the grin on her face growing as she pictured Clarke standing up against Rivo. It was a hilarious image, the small blonde against the large, intimidating black man, but somehow she could imagine Clarke holding her own in that argument, and possibly coming out the victor. She shook her head again and then turned to grab the envelope next to her, wincing slightly as she did so. During their latest mission a few days ago, among the many small injuries her unit had received was the wound to her side. It wasn't bad: she'd had to dive to the ground to avoid a shot from the enemy and had landed hard on a large rock, bruising her side and possibly a rib or two, but really it wasn't bad. It hurt, sure, but it wasn't even enough to slow her down. Tristan's leg injury had been the worst of their wounds, and even he was already up and walking around again, though he did have to take it easy for another day or two. She hadn't even bothered telling Clarke about her own injury, not wanting to worry the blonde since it was such a little thing, but it seemed Clarke knew anyway. Even from over a thousand miles apart, she still couldn't keep anything from the other girl: Clarke just knew her too well.  
  
Dropping the letter beside her and picking up the envelope in its place, she carefully reached in and took out the small stack of pictures still inside. Holding them along the edges so as not to get any fingerprints on them, she scanned each image, the soft smile growing on her face.  
  
The first image was of Octavia sitting in a wheelchair, still very much pregnant, an angry scowl on her face as she looked over at Lincoln on her side. Lexa shook her head, thinking that it was just so very Clarke to send that as the first picture. Moving it to the back of the small stack, she moved to the second picture and let out a little laugh. In this one Octavia lay in bed, her knees up and hair sticking to her forehead as she held Lincoln's hand, quite clearly cutting off all feeling in the limb as Lincoln tried hard not to wince. She wondered if either of them had known Clarke was taking a picture in that moment, but from the way Octavia glared at her stomach and Lincoln looked at Octavia, she doubted it.  
  
After that, the rest of the pictures were post-labor and the next one made Lexa catch her breath. The third picture had only one person in it, and that one person she felt safe assuming was Emma Blake Birch. The baby's skin looked almost red, certainly much darker than the light pink blanket wrapped around her, and a little tuft of dark hair stood out on her little head. Her eyes were scrunched closed, mouth shut tight, but her arms were out and little fists clenched and Lexa was fairly sure she had been awake as the picture was taken. After taking in every detail, Lexa moved to the next picture to find the new baby now with her mother, tears glistening on Octavia's face as she beamed at the little bundle in her arms. Lincoln stood beside her, one arm wrapped around his wife's shoulders, the other hand holding Emma's tiny fist, and Lexa saw what looked like possible tears in his eyes too as he smiled down at them both. She looked at that picture for a long time before turning to the last one.  
  
As Clarke had said, this last one had them all in it. Octavia still sat in her bed with the baby in her arms and Lincoln maintained his spot next to her, but now they were both beaming up at the camera. On Lincoln's other side stood Anya, and Lexa could see the genuine smile on her face that Clarke had talked about. Lexa knew that she really wasn't the biggest fan of children, but it seemed as though her niece had already won her over, which really didn't surprise the brunette much at all. On the other side of the bed stood Clarke, Raven and Bellamy. Bellamy wasn't looking at the camera, instead staring at the baby, a look of awe clear on his face, but Raven and Clarke were both beaming. They looked almost as happy as the new parents, and while the picture made her smile as well, she also ached with the wish to have been there with them. It was simply another moment in their lives that she hadn't been able to be apart of, and the knowledge of that hurt more than she cared to admit. She brushed her finger lightly over the image of Clarke smiling at the camera and then felt her own smile grow again. She hadn't been there, no, but Clarke had sent her the pictures so that she could still be apart of it, had taken this last picture with them all in it specifically for her so that she could feel included, and for that she was grateful.  
  
Moving carefully so as not to upset her bruised side too much, she grabbed the letter and laid back on her bed to read Clarke's words again, fully intending to lose herself in this moment in their lives for the rest of the evening. Even with more than a thousand miles between them, Clarke still made sure she had this little piece of home, of family with her, and she couldn't stop the swelling she felt in her chest, nor did she want to. Leaning against the metal back of her bed, she began reading Clarke's letter for the second time, getting as lost in them as she always did. Outside of her tent she heard Marine's talking, boots pounding against the ground as they walked by, but at the moment Lexa was no longer there in Polis, and instead transported hundreds of miles away into a hospital with so many of the people she cared about, celebrating this new life and beautiful addition to their very odd group.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really hope this chapter wasn't too confusing. As I was writing it, I couldn't decide if it would be clear that the letters don't all come right after each other chronologically and therefore don't necessarily have anything to do with the previous one, but I thought that it seemed clear enough. I hope so, at least. Yes, this was mostly a filler chapter to make time move by in the story, but I hope you liked it anyway. I know I enjoyed writing the different ways they all communicate with each other. Anyway, as usual, please let me know what you think! Thanks everyone!


	23. Chapter 23: Now and Then Part One

_Then_

Clarke grunted as she shrugged the heavy bag off of her shoulder, tossing it on the bed in front of her before she bent down and grabbed her second luggage bag from its spot on the floor and tossed it next to the first. Rubbing her sore shoulder, she looked around at what would be her home for the majority of the summer and groaned. She was not entirely impressed with what she found.  
  
The cabin was small, just big enough to fit the five bunk beds and one single bed in, with very little room for anything else. She didn't particularly look forward to when there would be a bunch of pre-teen girls trying to live in the tight space with her. There weren't any desks or drawers or closets: just the beds, and the little bit of walking space. The windows in the walls were all large, screens covering them, but otherwise open, letting the breeze in. Considering it was hot enough that Clarke could feel the beads of sweat forming on the middle of her back, that much was a relief at least. She groaned again and then flopped down on the bed beside her bags, her hand immediately going to her pocket and pulling her cell phone out. She looked at the screen, smiling and quickly unlocking it to read the various texts she had received since the last time she'd looked at it no more than a half hour ago. 

**_O: (10:03 AM) Clarke, no, this doesn't work, u need to get ur ass back here. Summer is supposed to be our time & u just left us! No! _ **

**_SexyB****: (10:12 AM) Ok but seriously, what the hell r we supposed to do w/o u all summer? U R BREAKING UP THE FAMILY, CLARKE!_ **

**_Bellamy: (10:15 AM) I m not ok w/ u leaving me alone with these crazy idiots all summer. U left this morning and O's already complaining about being bored._ **

She quickly replied to all three texts, reminding them all that the camp wouldn't actually last all summer, only for most of it, telling them that they would make up for the lost time during the last couple of weeks before school began again. She had to wave her phone around in the air, searching for a spot with signal, but finally she found the right spot and sent all three texts. She sighed as she sat up once again: not only was she about to spend the majority of the summer away from her friends, but she also had terrible cell reception. This was going to be a very, very long summer.  
  
Honestly, she didn't even want to be at Camp Ark. Her parents had convinced her that she needed to get a job for the summer, and that she should find something fun to do. She had wanted to find a job, sure, wanted to make her own money so that she didn't always have to depend on her parents for everything, but considering the camp job wasn't even going to be paying her that much, she was beginning to seriously wonder what had been wrong with her when she applied for the position here at Camp Ark. When she found the listing online she'd gotten excited, thinking that she could get a job teaching art classes at the camp, but during the phone interview she'd had she'd learned that position was already full. Stupidly she had agreed to be a lifeguard and counselor, since she'd been certified as a lifeguard already and the camp was in desperate need of one, plus it paid just a little more. Now however she wished she had just thanked them and hung up the phone and looked for something closer to home. At least if she was working at the movie theater or something like that she'd still be able to spend all of her free time with her friends. Now she wasn't going to be seeing any of them for two months, and this was already feeling like the longest summer ever.  
  
She groaned once again as she looked at her cell phone, knowing she had to get up. She had a meeting in just a few minutes where she would meet all of the other counselors and the senior counselors would be informing them all of their duties for the summer. As much as she wished she wasn't there, Clarke was never one to shirk her responsibilities, which meant it was time to leave the tiny cabin and head to the lodge.  
  
She stood up and tucked her cell phone back into her pocket, taking one last look around the room before she moved to the door, pushing it open and then letting it slam shut behind her as she stepped out. She winced at the loud noise and made a note to herself that there were no springs attached to the door to slow it before it shut, and then stepped down the front steps back onto the dirt path, looking around her to get her bearings straight. She would be living in Cabin #3, but there were a number of other cabins along the path, and she knew this was the area where all of the female campers would be living for the summer. Clarke would be in charge of the girls living in her bunk, but there were going to be many more ten, eleven and twelve year old girls running around just outside, and once again she wondered what the hell she had gotten herself into.  
  
After the quick look around, the blonde headed down the well-worn path, trying to remember the way to the lodge. She saw a few other people walking in the same direction she was, and figured she must be going the right way. She didn't try to start any conversations with any of them, wanting a little more time to get herself situated in the new place. Instead she just smiled at people as she walked by, everyone returning her smile with one of their own or a simple nod. A few people were already talking, clearly working on making friends already, but a lot of people were doing the same thing she was, with just giving people a smile. None of them really caught Clarke's attention until she passed a couple of guys standing around on the side of the path. She smiled at them all and they all nodded back, but she somehow made eye contact with one of the guys and found it hard to look away. He grinned at her and something flashed in his eyes and Clarke found herself grinning back. She didn't say anything to him, but she definitely made a note to herself to find him sometime later. The way he grinned at her told her that maybe she'd be able to find a little fun at this camp after all.  
  
She finally made it to the lodge, looking around before heading inside. A couple of people were lounging around on the front steps, and two guys were tossing a ball back and forth on the large field next to the building, but everyone else seemed to be heading right inside. Clarke followed the flow of people, entering the large wooden building and looked around. If she remembered correctly, this was going to be the building where they ate all of their meals, and unlike her cabin, this building looked like it might actually have enough space for that. There seemed to be about twenty to thirty people already inside and plenty of room for more.  
  
Clarke was about to walk over to where people seemed to be forming a small circle when she felt a tap on her shoulder. She turned and felt herself smile when she realized who it was: the mystery guy had found her already, and his grin only seemed to grow now that they were closer.  
  
“Hey,” he said in way of greeting and stuck out his hand, “I'm Michael. Saw you outside and figured I should introduce myself sooner rather than later. Hi.”  
  
“Hi,” she replied, taking his hand with her own and giving it a small shake, “I'm Clarke. I'm glad you decided sooner was better. I agree.”  
  
His grin only grew at that, but he let his hand drop.  
  
“Good,” he told her, and then because he didn't really know what else to say he asked her, “You ever been to Camp Ark before, or is this your first time?”  
  
“First time,” she said, once again looking around the room. “I've actually never really been to a summer camp before, but this seemed like an interesting place to work.”  
  
“It is,” he assured her, and when she raised her eyebrows at him he added, “I worked here last summer too. I had a lot of fun, so I'm back again. Counselor to Cabin #11 and one of the soccer coaches.”  
  
“Oh awesome, one of my best friends is a soccer player,” Clarke replied with a smile, “It's pretty much all she can ever talk about, so I know more than I ever wanted to about the game.”  
  
“Oh yeah?” he asked, “You play at all?”  
  
She laughed before she told him, “Only when Octavia forces me to. I prefer to watch.”  
  
“What about the coaches? You ever thought of going to a game just to watch them?” he asked her with a wink, and she grinned again.  
  
“You know, I haven't ever before, but maybe that's because all the coaches I've known haven't been much to look at,” she said, easily falling into the game of flirting. That was one game she could play extremely well. “Maybe this summer that'll change.”  
  
He returned her grin, telling her, “I hope so. So what's your role here?”  
  
“Counselor of Cabin #3 and lifeguard,” she informed him, “You know, teaching a few swimming lessons and making sure no one drowns.”  
  
“Awesome. I do love the beach,” he said, and she replied, “Well I am gonna be there a lot this summer. I'm sure I'll want some company to help the time go by.” He just laughed, nodding, and suddenly the summer didn't seem quite as bleak as it had a few minutes ago. If nothing else, she at least could have a little fun with this guy, and that would be sure to help the time go by.  
  
She was about to say something else when a flash of movement out of the corner of her eye caught her attention and she turned, surprised with who she found walking by her. Turning back to Michael and telling him she'd find him again shortly, she walked away, feeling him watching her go and didn't even try to stop the smirk from forming at the corners of her mouth. Yeah, she really did know how to play the game of flirtation and getting a guy to notice her. Pushing him to the back of her mind though, she quickened her steps to catch up with the person she suddenly felt like she was chasing. Now it was her turn to reach forward and tap someone on their shoulder, and when the figure before her turned around, she found a pair of deep green eyes suddenly meeting her own.  
  
“Lexa, hi! I had no idea you'd be here this summer!” Clarke exclaimed, excited to see a familiar face, even if the face really wasn't all that familiar. She and Lexa had been going to school together for years, but they'd never really interacted before. Which Clarke thought was weird, especially since they'd had a couple of classes together, but she supposed it just came from being part of different friend groups. But now Lexa was the only person around that Clarke even kind of knew, and seeing even only a slightly familiar face made her feel better about being there.  
  
“Clarke, hello,” the brunette replied politely, giving her a nod. “I did not know you would be here either, but that isn't much of a surprise since you and I do not often talk. It is nice seeing you.”  
  
“It's nice to see you here too,” Clarke said, her smile genuine even though Lexa was merely giving her a polite look. She knew enough about the brunette to know she wasn't much of a smiler, so she didn't take it personally. “What are you gonna be doing here? Are you a counselor?”  
  
Lexa nodded before she answered quietly, “Yes, I am a counselor. I will also be teaching dance lessons.”  
  
Clarke's eyes widened, having had no clue Lexa was a dancer. She shouldn't have been surprised, really; the brunette was in amazing shape, and her long legs seemed like they were built for dancing.  
  
“Wow, very nice,” Clarke replied, the respect clear in her tone. “What types of dance do you do?”  
  
The brunette shrugged before she said, “A little bit of everything. Ballet, hip hop, jazz. And more, when needed. What will you be doing?”  
  
“Life-guarding,” she quickly answered, “So teaching swimming lessons, mostly. And I'm a counselor too. Cabin #3.”  
  
Lexa raised her eyebrows before informing her, “Really? I am in Cabin #4.”  
  
Clarke let out a small laugh, telling her, “Hey look at that, I guess we're neighbors then.”  
  
The blonde couldn't be entirely sure, but she thought she saw one corner of the brunette's lips turn up into a momentary smile.  
  
“It would appear we are,” she replied, but then before either girl could say anything else they were interrupted.  
  
“Alright, if I could get everyone's attention!” a woman called from the center of the room as she waved one hand with a clipboard in it in the air, already standing on a chair so that she could easily be seen as everyone turned to her. “To begin, could I have everyone who is going to be a cabin counselor come to me, and everyone who is going to be solely focused on activity counseling go over to Bob over there?” She pointed to the end of the room where a man stood with his own clipboard, smiling and waving as they turned to him.  
  
Clarke and Lexa both moved over to the woman, as did about a third of the people in the room. As they formed a circle around her, Clarke looked across the small space to find Michael standing once again with the guys he'd been with when she passed him on the trail. He met her eyes and grinned at her, which she was quick to return before turning her attention back to the woman as she once again began to speak, this time more quietly since she didn't have to shout across the entire room.  
  
“Alright,” she said, “So everyone, welcome to Camp Ark! My name is Susan, and I'm one of the co-directors of the camp, along with Bob. I just wanted to start by thanking you all for deciding to spend your summer with us here: we couldn't be doing this without all of you!  
  
As you know, the campers will be joining us tomorrow, so we have one day to make sure that you all know exactly what your jobs entail. You will all be in charge of the kids in your bunk, though obviously we expect you to be willing to help any camper who needs it. But overall, you will be in charge of your bunk, and what that means is that you will be responsible primarily at night, knowing where all of your campers are, making sure lights are out when they are supposed to be, but obviously most of all, making sure they are all safe. It will also be your responsibility to take your campers to their first activity in the mornings, but after that most of you at least will be doing your other jobs for the rest of the day, until late in the afternoon.  
  
That sounds like a lot, I know, and it is, but each of you gets one afternoon or evening off a week, and everyday we will have a rest period for an hour and a half. Also, there will be a few times throughout the summer when the senior staff takes the campers on field trips, and while we expect all of you to volunteer for at least one field trip, for many of them you will be able to stay here and get what I am sure will be some much needed time to yourself.” She smiled at them all and then turned to her clipboard, telling them, “Alright, now before we get any further into what the summer is going to be like, we're gonna take attendance so that I know I have everyone here and so that I can start putting faces to names. Trust me, you are going to get very used to taking attendance, we all do it all the time. We have to, with how many campers we get every summer.” Her finger trailed down the paper on her clipboard as she called out, “Naomi? Cabin #1.”  
  
A girl on the other side of the circle raised her hand, calling out, “Right here.”  
  
Susan looked up and smiled at her, saying, “Hi Naomi. Alright, so yes, you are in Cabin #1. We thought it would be more fun to assign each cabin an animal, which can kind of be the mascot for your groups. Naomi, your group will be the Monkeys.” Naomi nodded, a small smile on her face, clearly enjoying the name. Susan looked back at her clipboard, found the next name on her list and asked, “Renee?” A girl standing next to Michael's group raised her hand, and Susan nodded to her. “Renee, Cabin #2 will be the Elephants.” When Renee gave her a confused look, Susan just shrugged, saying, “We picked random animals from a hat to decide who would be what.” Renee just shrugged in return and nodded, and Susan looked back down at her list. “Clarke?”  
  
Clarke raised her hand, giving the woman a smile. Susan returned the smile as she told her, “Clarke, Cabin #3 will be the Lions.”  
  
“Sounds good to me,” the blonde replied, and Susan's smile just grew. She looked back down at her list and asked, “Alexandria?”  
  
“It's just Lexa,” Lexa replied next to Clarke, surprising the blonde. She must have known that Lexa was just a nickname, but she couldn't remember if she'd ever heard the brunette's full name before. It was pretty. Though honestly, Clarke thought the nickname was just as pretty.  
  
“Alright, Lexa then,” Susan said, jotting down a note on her clipboard. “Lexa, Cabin #4 will be the Raccoons.”  
  
“Raccoons?” Lexa asked, her frown telling Clarke just what she thought of that. The blonde had to bite her lip to keep from grinning. Susan just nodded with her own smile, clearly not understanding that Lexa was less than impressed with her animal mascot. She moved on, calling out the next name on her list.  
  
Clarke leaned over, whispering to the brunette, “Hey, raccoons aren't that bad.” When the other girl raised her eyebrows at her, she added, “What? They're pretty cute.”  
  
“Yeah, says the girl who will be in charge of the lions,” the brunette mumbled, and again Clarke had to fight to hold back her grin.  
  
“Hey, I didn't pick the names,” she told her, her eyes following the movement as Susan turned to the next person on her list.  
  
“Mm,” Lexa replied, then asked quietly, “Want to switch?”  
  
Clarke gave her a look like she was crazy, telling her, “Please, and trade the Lions for the Raccoons? No way.”  
  
The brunette raised her eyebrows at the blonde.  
  
“I thought raccoons weren't so bad,” she said, easily quoting Clarke's earlier words.  
  
“Well yeah, but they're nowhere near as cool as lions,” the blonde informed her, and this time she couldn't stop her grin when Lexa glared at her, especially when she realized the glare was hiding Lexa's own grin.  
  
Yeah, maybe this summer wasn't going to be so bad after all. 

***

_Now_

“Come on Art, you can get 'er! Stop dancing around and hit 'er already!”  
  
Lexa allowed her gaze to momentarily leave the young man crouched a few feet away from her to shoot a look at Shet, the one currently egging on her opponent.  
  
“One could be led to believe you no longer care for your Heda, Shet,” she said to him, the joke only just coloring her tone. Her attention was brought back to her opponent when she heard his footsteps suddenly beating against the ground. He was too loud: she had plenty of time to shift her stance, simply side-stepping his advance. As he passed her, she reached out and shoved his back, sending him slightly off balance. He was able to catch himself though, and turned before she could follow up on the attack if she had planned on doing so.  
  
Shet just grinned at her, telling her loudly, “You know I care, Heda, but the kid needs someone rooting for him. We all need to think someone believes we can win before you toss us ass-over-face into the mud.” Tristan and Jay cheered their agreement, giving Artigas their own words of encouragement.  
  
“Come on Kid, you can do better than that,” Tristan told him, shaking his head at the youngest member of their unit. “Get in one hit, at least!”  
  
“Take 'er legs out from under 'er,” Jay added, “She's only human, gravity'll do the rest!”  
  
“You say she's human, but I'm not so sure,” Artigas replied, his weary eyes never leaving Lexa. “Do any of us actually have proof of that?”  
  
“Good point,” Jay said, and then he turned to Lexa and asked, “Hey Heda, you are actually human, right? You're not, like, some weird sci-fi creature here just to kick our asses, yeah?”  
  
She shot him a grin, her teeth bared, and the look caused all of them to gulp slightly. She seldom allowed herself to joke around with them, but sometimes she couldn't pass up the opportunity to throw them all off. “Perhaps.”  
  
“Okay, that really doesn't answer the question,” Marques said, and Lexa just turned her grin to him. He shook his head, saying, “You know what, I really don't think I want to know the answer.”  
  
Artigas charged again, trying to get Lexa while she was distracted, but once again she heard him long before he stood a chance of so much as touching her. She side-stepped again, this time choosing not to give him a push, and he quickly turned around again before she could attack him. He was good at the defenses, never keeping his back to her for more than a second, but his offense needed some serious work.  
  
“You make too much noise when you move,” Lexa informed him, her grin leaving as she turned serious again. “The louder you are, the more time your enemy has to prepare for your attack. Strike quickly and silently, and your opponent will not have time to react.” She demonstrated by running forward, her breathing low and footsteps barely making any sound on the ground. She had the advantage of having been in control of her body's movements long before becoming a marine. Dance had taught her how to leap without making any sound when she came down; now she was able to apply that knowledge to her life as a Marine. Slowly she was teaching her unit how to move just as silently.  
  
Artigas was not quiet, but he was quick. He saw Lexa coming towards him and hurriedly dodged to the side, just managing to get out of her way before she could knock him to the ground. If he hadn't of been already watching her though, he wouldn't have known she was coming for him. Honestly, he was a little scared of her. He idolized her, looked up to her and wanted to be her, but he was also a little scared of her. He immediately turned back to her as soon as he had gotten out of her way, knowing better than to have his back to her for any period of time, and then his eyes widened when he saw who was approaching, only a couple of yards away from the circle the rest of their unit had formed around them. Lexa saw him lose focus and ran forward and he was only just able to get himself to safety once again. This was clearly a game of cat and mouse, and he had never stopped being the mouse.  
  
“Never let your focus stray from your opponent,” Lexa informed him quietly, still not taking her eyes off of him. “I do not care who is around, you never let your attention leave your opponent. The moment you do is the moment we send you home to your mother in a body bag. I have had to do that with too many good Marines; do not make me do that with you as well.”  
  
Artigas swallowed thickly and then nodded, his attention solely on her once again. She returned the nod, and then said without looking away from him, “We will be done here shortly, Captain, and then we may talk.”  
  
Captain Rivo, the person who had drawn Artigas's focus away merely grinned, replying, “No rush, Lieutenant. I can see you are in the middle of training.”  
  
The youngest marine shook his head, amazed. He'd been watching: she had never once taken her eyes off of him, and yet she still knew when the Captain showed up, even though he was standing _behind_ her. Seriously, he really wanted to be her when he grew up. And she scared him. Like, a lot. But he just really wanted to be her. Pushing the thought out of his mind though, he focused back on the task at hand. Somehow he had to knock her off her feet. He ran forward and then faked a turn to the right to try to throw her off, but she seemed to read his mind, because she mirrored his movements, stepping away from his attack and then taking the briefest moment when his back was to her to come up behind him, grab his shirt, and suddenly he was flying through the air, meeting the ground with a solid smack. He landed on his front, taking the fall on his forearms as he had been taught, thereby protecting the more sensitive parts of his body. The land hurt, but he knew he wasn't going to have anything worse than a lot of bruises the next day. Nevertheless, he stayed down, not wanting to get up and inviting the Heda to throw him down once again. Suddenly a pair of boots blocked his vision and he looked up to find her standing in front of him. She eyed him on the ground and then reached a hand down, offering to help him up. As she offered the hand to him, she told him, “Get knocked down, get back up.” He nodded and took the offered hand and she pulled him back to his feet, the young man only just managing to hold in the groan as his new aches protested any kind of movement.  
  
“That was some pretty flying,” she said to him once he was up, and then her eyes scanned over him, clearly trying to assess any damage. “You alright?”  
  
“Yeah,” he replied, “Yeah, the thing that hurts most is my pride.” He rubbed the back of his neck, getting a kink out of it.  
  
She just nodded, a small smile on her lips when Jay came up behind him and clapped him loudly on the back, causing him to wince slightly.  
  
“No worries Kid, we've all been there,” he informed the youngest Marine, “I'm pretty sure the only one of us the Heda hasn't made fly is Ryder, and that's just because he's too big to fly.”  
  
Ryder grinned as he nodded, saying, “Yeah, I don't quite make it in the air. She's knocked me on my ass a couple times though.” The others all agreed, reliving horror stories of their own skirmishes with the Lieutenant, all trying to make the kid feel better about his loss. Lexa just shook her head at all of them, a small smile on her lips before she called out to them all, “Alright, that's enough flying for today at least. Dismissed.” They all nodded to her and then walked away, still all reminding each other about their own fights.  
  
Lexa shook her head once again as they all left. Her team had grown into so much more than she had ever thought they would be. It had been two and a half years since Aritgas had joined them, and in that time the unit had finally reached the potential Lexa had always known it had. Their first couple of years had been rocky, which surprised no one considering it was a brand new unit with a leader fresh out of school running it, but over the past two years or so it had finally turned into the fully functioning unit it had always been meant to be. There had been many problems along the way: Quint, of course, had been the big one, but Lexa's ability to lead and her people's faith in that she deserved to be leading them had been brought an end to any forms of rebelling from any of them. Now they all looked to her, and all jumped in to defend her if anyone tried to speak a word against her, an act that, though unnecessary, still made her feel good about what they had all accomplished. It had taken her a long time to find the place where she now stood, comfortable enough with her people to joke around with them, but also always listened to and followed. They had gained and lost members along the way: Fio had been their only big casualty, and Lexa's heart still ached when she thought about him, but others had been injured or left as well. A few people had joined the unit, only to last among them for a short time before it was decided they belonged elsewhere. For the most part, those who still remained on the unit had been with them from the beginning, and Lexa believed that had a large part to do with the success of the group. When you have been working closely with one group of people for five years, you get to the point of knowing each others rhythms, and in the Grounders at least, that was important. They were far from perfect, yes, but they were a group, a team, and there were no other people Lexa wanted at her back whenever she went out in those woods.  
  
Captain Rivo watched the group walk away, still joking with each other and reliving training stories, before he said,“You've got quite the team there, Lieutenant.” She just nodded.  
  
“Yes,” she agreed easily, “Yes I do.” She then turned her full attention to him, standing up a little straighter, knowing that he must have come to talk to her for a reason. “Was there something you needed, Captain?”  
  
“Yes, actually,” he replied, and then he gestured in the opposite direction from where her team had left to. “Come walk with me. I want to talk with you about a mission I'm gonna be sending your team on soon. We've got a lot to talk about before you head out.”  
  
She nodded and then followed him, listening as he explained what he needed to explain. 

***

_Then_

Clarke stood in the middle of the pathway, looking at her phone for the second time in what was less than a minute. She really didn't think Michael would stand her up, but he was also five minutes late, and it wasn't like they were going to have all day. Her break only lasted until four, which barely even gave them two hours to do whatever this surprise was that he supposedly had planned for them. It wasn't like she was expecting much, but she also didn't know how long she should just stand around and wait for him. If he wasn't coming then there were other things she could be doing in her free time. She didn't really know what those other things were exactly, but she could always find something to do.  
  
She'd been at Camp Ark for a week and a half now, and this was the first large-ish chunk of time she'd had to herself since the campers arrived the day after she had. Honestly she was actually enjoying herself; there were eight girls in her bunk, three ten year olds, two eleven year olds and three twelve year olds, and they were some pretty awesome kids. They all got along pretty well and had only had bits of minor drama (Jackie had never been away from home before, so the first couple of nights were a little hard for her, and Tasha and Nicki had wanted to be bunk mates but had fought over who got the top bunk, but none of that was anything Clarke couldn't handle), but even so Clarke was really glad to finally have some time to herself. She'd been looking forward to spending it with Michael, too, but she wasn't entirely sure anymore if that was going to happen.  
  
She and Michael had managed to spend a lot of time together in the past week and a half, and so far he seemed very interested in her, especially the couple of times they had been able to sneak away and make out (when Clarke texted Raven about him, her reply had been something like, “Only you could hook a guy literally the minute you get to camp. Use a condom and don't be stupid. Remember, what happens at band camp doesn't always stay at band camp,” to which Clarke had grinned and replied that she wasn't at band camp and come on, she was never stupid, seriously Raven, think about who you're talking to). So she'd been looking forward to her couple hours of freedom even more so when he had hinted at having some sort of surprise for her, but now she was on her break, in the middle of the woods somewhere where he had told her to meet him, and he was five minutes late. Six minutes late, she realized, as she looked at her cell phone again.  
  
She sighed, almost ready to give up and head back to camp where at least there were other people around, when she heard footsteps running towards her. She looked down the path through the trees and found Michael running towards her, his face a little red as he finally made his way up to her. She grinned at him and said, “Finally. I was beginning to think you stood me up. You wouldn't have been able to come back from that.”  
  
He put his hands on his knees, bent over and trying to catch his breath, but still managed to return her grin.  
  
“Trust me, I would never purposefully stand you up,” he told her, but then he grimaced as he straightened up. “However, I'm afraid I do have to cancel.” When she frowned at him he held up his hands and quickly said, “I'm sorry, I know, I know we had these plans, and believe me when I say I fully intended on throwing a big surprise for you this afternoon, but Bob and Susan asked me to take on another soccer lesson, and I couldn't exactly tell them that I already had plans since it isn't actually my afternoon off. I'm sorry, I feel like an ass, but I didn't know what to say so I told them I'd do it. I would so much rather be out here with you though. I'm sorry.”  
  
Clarke just shrugged. She was disappointed, but not heartbroken. Michael was nice, definitely good-looking, and becoming a decent friend, but she wasn't attached enough yet to be discouraged when he canceled plans. Plus she understood that he was supposed to be working anyway, and there wasn't much he could do to get out of it. It was her afternoon off, not his.  
  
“It's alright,” she replied, “I get it. You'll just owe me one.” She winked at him, and smiled when he smiled at her.  
  
“Damn you're amazing, did you know that?” he asked as he stepped forward, moving even closer to her, and she just shrugged again.  
  
“I've been told,” she informed him, and he just shook his head before he bent down and kissed her. She felt herself kiss him back, enjoying the feeling of his lips against hers as one hand moved up to cup his face as both of his moved to her face. They stayed together for a long moment before he pulled back with a groan.  
  
“God, I would so much rather spend the afternoon with you doing that, but I have to head back if I'm gonna beat the campers to the field,” he groaned, and then said to her, “We will definitely do this again soon though, and I will definitely make this up to you.”  
  
She nodded, letting out a little laugh before she replied, “Alright, deal.”  
  
He gave her a little wave before stepping back and then turning around to run back in the direction he had just come from. Clarke watched him until he disappeared through the trees, and then she looked around herself. She didn't really know where this path would take her if she kept going down it, having never really gone any further down it before, but suddenly she had no desire to go back to camp where there would be a ton of people. She kind of enjoyed the quiet of the woods, and she figured the path was marked well enough that she wouldn't get lost. So instead of following him back the way he had gone, she decided to go in the opposite direction and explore. Maybe she'd find something she could later come back to and draw. The trees themselves were beautiful with their bright green leaves and the sun streaking through them, and that in itself made her fingers itch for a sketchbook. But since she was empty handed currently, she'd just have to come back another time when she hadn't planned on going on a date with a cute guy. For now though, she'd settle for looking around.  
  
Clarke walked down the path for probably another ten minutes, her eyes taking in everything around her. Little patches of flowers sprouted up by some of the trees, birds and squirrels seemed to be all around, and honestly she just felt kind of at peace. She didn't get this kind of peace back home. She had a few trees around her house, sure, but a few trees were nothing compared to being in the woods and surrounded by the wildlife. She really wasn't much of a nature person, but she had to admit that she felt pretty good at the moment, alone in the woods.  
  
As she walked the trees began to thin out on one side, and she could see the sparkle of the lake as the sunlight glinted off the water's surface. The woods were still thick enough that she couldn't really see the lake itself, just the sparkle of light, but knowing that the lake was there was an added comfort. If somehow she did get lost, at least she could follow along the lake's edge until she made it back to the camp beach.  
  
After another minute or two of walking Clarke paused, frowning as she thought she heard something. She cocked her head to one side, and then followed the noise. It sounded kind of like footsteps and maybe... humming? She left the trail, trying not to think about how this was how too many horror movies started, and made her way through some dense trees and then down over a small hill, finally pushing through a thick patch of long grass until she reached a small grassy bank against the water. The bank was completely surrounded by the tall grass on one side, with the lake forming on its other and a few large flat rocks partially submerged in the water. It was a beautiful spot, but what else Clarke found there was really what turned her lips up into a smile.  
  
Lexa stood in the middle of the small clearing, a pair of cut off shorts hugging her hips and a tank top clinging to her as she moved. She was dancing, a pair of headphones in her ears, looking out over the water while she hummed along with whatever song she was listening to. Because of the headphones she didn't hear it when Clarke stomped through the tall grass, so Clarke was able to watch her without being noticed. She didn't seem to be doing anything too complicated, but even so Clarke was amazed with how easily she moved, her arms and body just flowing with whatever beat she was listening to. The blonde watched her, a little envious. She wished she looked that good when she danced, but honestly she'd never seen anybody look quite that incredible when dancing, so she was pretty sure she would never be able to reach that level. Still, she could definitely appreciate Lexa's dancing skills.  
  
Clarke stood there watching until Lexa suddenly spun around in a partial pirouette, her eyes closed and then opening a moment later. As soon as they did they spotted Clarke standing there watching her, and suddenly the brunette froze.  
  
“Clarke,” she exclaimed quietly, the surprise clear in her voice. Dropping her arms and pulling the earbuds from her ears, she asked, “What are you doing here?”  
  
The blonde just shrugged, a small smile on her face still as she replied, “I was just taking a walk and thought I heard something. Sorry, I didn't mean to be watching like a creep, but I didn't want to interrupt. You looked great!”  
  
“I am just working on putting together a dance for one of my classes,” Lexa explained, straightening up a bit, her fingers fidgeting with the cords to her headphones.  
  
“Isn't it your afternoon off?” Clarke asked, and when the other girl nodded, Clarke just shook her head. “You're working during your afternoon off? Don't you know how to relax Lexa?” She meant it as a joke, but the brunette merely gave her a shrug, looking away.  
  
“I find dancing to be relaxing,” she answered. “Besides, I am often busy other times, and needed to get this done.”  
  
“Alright, so I'll give you that,” the blonde replied, stepping up closer to the other girl who watched her movements closely. “We do barely ever have a minute to ourselves here, and I guess being a dance teacher means doing more off-the-job work than life-guarding does.” Lexa nodded, and Clarke looked around, taking in more of the little clearing. “How'd you find this place, anyway? And why work on stuff out here instead of in the dance studio? Don't you need mirrors or something?”  
  
Lexa looked at her for a short moment before she looked away, also taking in the clearing, and answered, “I found this spot a few days ago when I too was out for a walk. I liked it: it is peaceful, and quiet. Usually,” she added, giving Clarke a look and the blonde just stuck her tongue out at her, to which she was pretty sure she saw Lexa grin slightly. “As for working in the dance studio instead of out here, I would not get anything actually done in there. It seems like whenever I am in there trying to work on my own thing, five different campers will come up to me at once, asking me to show them some move again, or to go over a portion of another dance. Here no one bothers me, so I am able to get work done.” She shrugged, adding, “The mirrors would be nice, yes, but I have been dancing long enough to have a good idea of what it all looks like. I can picture the dance in my head, usually.”  
  
“Cool,” Clarke replied, nodding, but then her smile slipped a little from her lips. “Uh, if you want to be alone though, so you can keep working without being bothered, I should go. Sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt.” As she said the words, she realized that she was actually disappointed; she liked hanging out with Lexa, even though they hadn't done it too much during the little time they'd been at camp, and watching Lexa dance had been awesome, something she really wanted to keep doing. But she didn't want to bug the other girl, and she had kind of intruded, so she turned around, planning to head out so that the brunette could be alone again.  
  
She only made it a couple of steps, however, before she heard the other girl call softly, “You do not have to go. If you do not want to.” Clarke turned back around and gave her a look, to which Lexa said, “I do not mind having a little audience, and the company would be... nice.”  
  
“You sure?” the blonde asked, and Lexa just nodded. Clarke smiled and moved back to where she'd been standing a moment ago, saying, “Cool. I'd be happy to stay then and keep you company, since I'm on my break too and have no where else I need to be.”  
  
Lexa actually returned the blonde's smile, though hers was much smaller than Clarke's. She was about to put her earbuds back in when she paused, an idea suddenly forming, and she looked back up to the blonde. “Actually Clarke, if you are going to stay, I could use your help,” she said, and Clarke raised her eyebrows at her in a silent question. “Not having a mirror is fine for me, but it does make it a bit more difficult in trying to imagine how the dance will work for others. Would you mind if I taught it to you, so that I may see it?”  
  
The blonde let out a little laugh and held up her hands, telling her, “Sorry Lexa, but I don't dance unless it involves video games or just grinding against someone. I don't really have the rhythm for anything else.”  
  
Lexa rolled her eyes as she informed the other girl, “Clarke, grinding is not dancing. Whoever decided it was has absolutely no sense of what dancing actually is.”  
  
“Alright, then I don't dance at all,” Clarke scoffed, the grin still on her face as she lifted one shoulder in a shrug. “I've got absolutely no talent for it. Sorry.”  
  
Lexa merely returned the shrug and told her, “Perfect. You will be just like most of my students then. They are all very sweet, but very few of them have any specific talent for it.”  
  
Clarke grimaced and asked, “I kinda just walked into that one, didn't I?” Lexa just smiled and pulled the headphones from her phone and turned up the volume so that they would both be able to hear the music easily. Clarke just sighed, her shoulders sinking before she finally gave in. “Alright,” she sighed, defeated, “You've got me. I'll help. But no making fun of me for how I move! I told you, I'm definitely no dancer.” Lexa merely nodded and then pressed play, a soft, slow song that Clarke had never heard before starting from her phone. She sighed again, and then watched and followed Lexa's movements, doing her best to copy them as best as possible.  
  
For over an hour the two girls remained in the clearing, working on Lexa's next dance lesson. Both girls were too busy watching the other girl move to really notice as the time ticked by. As they danced, Clarke continued to think that she'd never seen anyone move as beautifully as Lexa. Lexa in turn tried not to think about how wrong she thought Clarke had been: she thought the blonde was a beautiful dancer. Well, perhaps her dance moves were a bit rough, but she certainly was beautiful. She tried very hard not to think about that, and was only moderately successful.

***

_Now_

Clarke looked down at the patient file in her hand and grinned. Dr. Anderson, her mentor and the man she spent almost every day following around all over the hospital, had had her check in on Mrs. Jensen the day before, and the old woman had spent the entire time just making her laugh. For a woman of eighty-two who had just had some pretty major hip surgery for the second time, she had an amazing way of looking at life, and seemed to be able to laugh at anything. Clarke tucked the patient file under her arm and headed straight for the room she knew the woman was still in, glad to be able to check in on her again and see how she was doing, and even more happy to be doing it alone. Dr. Anderson had been working with her for almost six months now, and had clearly determined that she could check up on a patient by herself, as he had sent her off on her own. It probably had to do with the fact that Clarke wouldn't be actually administering any medicine, and that nurses and other doctors were constantly in and out of the rooms all the time, but still, after twelve straight hours of working, even just this little bit of freedom made her happy. Reaching the room she was looking for, she pushed the door open, the smile still on her face.  
  
“Hello all, how are we doing this fine evening?” she asked the three occupants of the room, smiling at each of them.  
  
The hospital was crowded (overly so), so Mrs. Jensen hadn't been given her own room to rest in while she recovered. Instead she had been placed in one of the medium sized recovery rooms along with Mr. Meyers and Mrs. Theriault, two other elderly patients recovering from recent surgeries. The three seemed to get along well, though Mr. Meyers often complained that the two women were “too damned happy for him.” As the blonde entered the room, they all turned towards her, the two women returning her smile and Mr. Meyers just nodding at her.  
  
“Clarke! I'm so happy to see you again,” Mrs. Jensen exclaimed, but then she frowned as the blonde stepped up to the side of her bed. “You haven't been working all this time have you?”  
  
Clarke just grinned at her, shaking her head slightly.  
  
“I had a couple hours off since I saw you yesterday, no worries,” she informed the older woman, who simply continued to frown.  
  
Mrs. Theriault's frown was evident as well as she told the young woman, “Clarke dear, you need to rest. What is this hospital thinking, working a young lady like you so hard?”  
  
“Eh, it's good for her,” Mr. Meyers butted in, and Clarke fought to hide her grin, failing to completely do so. “Back in my day we'd work for a full twenty hours if we had to before we took a rest, and it didn't hurt us any.”  
  
“I'm sure that has absolutely nothing to do with the two metal kneecaps you now have,” Mrs. Theriault replied, and he just glared at her.  
  
“I'm fine, really,” Clarke told them all, deciding to end this argument before it went any farther. She'd seen them interact before, and knew arguments like this could easily last for hours between them. “Residency hours are long, but they have to be. I've got a lot of learning to do if I want to be a surgeon one day, you know.” Mrs. Theriault shook her head in sympathy while Mr. Meyers just nodded, clearly agreeing with her and Mrs. Jensen just rolled her eyes at them both. This time Clarke didn't even bother to try to hide her grin, and then she turned to Mrs. Jensen and asked her, “But anyway, I'm here to talk about you Mrs. Jensen, not me. How are you feeling?”  
  
“I'm feeling quite well, actually,” she answered, and then added, “Well, as well as can be expected for an eighty-two year old woman two days after surgery.”  
  
Clarke shook her head as she replied lightly, “I'm telling you Mrs. Jensen, I still find it hard to believe you're eighty-two. I don't think you look a day over fifty. Right Mr. Meyers?” Mr. Meyers spluttered as she winked at him, suddenly put on the spot, and all three of the women laughed as his cheeks turned more pink than they'd already been.  
  
Mrs. Jensen beamed up at the blonde as the laughter died down, telling her, “You really are such a sweetheart. Nobody's tried to butter me up like that since my Elias died three years ago.”  
  
“Hey, I only speak the truth,” Clarke replied, raising her hands up, and the other woman just shook her head again. “But really, you're sure you're feeling alright? How's the pain? Do you need anything else for it? Is there anything I can do for you?”  
  
“The pain is perfectly bearable,” Mrs. Jensen informed her, “When you're as old as I am, you get used to the aches and pain.” She shifted in her bed, trying to reach behind her to adjust the pillow she was leaning against. “Although, would you be a dear and help me with this pillow? It's a bit too high for my comfort.”  
  
“Absolutely!” Clarke exclaimed, tucking her file further under her arm and then leaning forward and gently pulling at and plumping up the pillow for her.  
  
As she moved, her white doctor's coat (a present from Octavia and Raven last Christmas) shifted, and when she leaned down her necklace fell out from the neckline she had tucked it under. It bounced slightly against the opening of her coat, drawing Mrs. Jensen's eyes too it.  
  
“Oh my, what a beautiful necklace,” she exclaimed, a hand reaching up and gently touching the crystal star hanging from its silver chain.  
  
Clarke looked down at the necklace, a small smile growing on her lips as it did whenever her attention was drawn to it.  
  
“Thank you,” she replied, standing up only after Mrs. Jensen had released the blue crystal.  
  
The woman saw the way the young doctor smiled, and felt her own lips turn up in a grin.  
  
“The young man who bought you that must be very special,” she said, a knowing look in her eyes as she read the girl's face. Clarke met her look and just nodded, her smile only growing. Mrs. Jensen felt her own grin grow as she asked, “What's his name?”  
  
“Lexa,” Clarke replied, her tone almost soft as her fingers pressed against the star.  
  
“That's a strange name for a boy,” Mr. Meyers exclaimed, shaking his head, “Poor guy must'a got beat up a lot in school.”  
  
Clarke just shrugged, looking over at him with the smile still on her lips.  
  
“Actually, she's always been able to hold her own in fights,” she informed him with a shrug and a wink. “I'm pretty sure she'd kick anyone's ass who tried to take her on.”  
  
Mr. Meyers frowned, the confusion evident on his face.  
  
“She?” he asked, and then hemmed and hawed. “Hm. Not so sure what I think of that. In my day two women together just wasn't done. Certainly not talked about.”  
  
“We're not living in your day anymore, you old fuddy duddy, we're living in these young people's times,” Mrs. Theriault told him, “So what you think doesn't really matter anymore.”  
  
“She must be lovely, if she's won your heart, Clarke dear,” Mrs. Jensen said, reaching out and patting the blonde's hand. “Is she a doctor too?”  
  
“No,” Clarke replied with a shake of her head. “No, Lexa's a First Lieutenant in the Marine Corp. She's the leader of the Grounder Unit.”  
  
“A Marine, eh?” Mr. Meyers asked, his fingers rubbing against his chin. “An honest profession. I was a Navy man myself, but I've heard a lot about this Grounder Unit. They seem to be doing some pretty great things. She must be one heck of a Marine if she's leading it.”  
  
“She is,” Clarke informed him, “She's an amazing leader. An amazing person.”  
  
“Are you married?” Mrs. Theriault wanted to know. Mr. Meyer's looked at her in shock and asked, “Is that even legal?” Mrs. Theriault rolled her eyes at him before telling him, “Watch the news, old man, and join us in the twenty-first century.”  
  
Clarke laughed, and then informed them, “No, no we aren't married.” She frowned slightly, her eyebrows pulling down, and added, “I'm not entirely sure what we are right now, actually. We're just kinda... us, I guess. We don't really have a label for it.”  
  
“Well, whatever you are, it's clear that you care for her, and I would guess she cares deeply for you also,” Mrs. Jensen said, patting her hand once again. “She would be a fool not to.”  
  
Mrs. Theriault nodded in agreement and Mr. Meyers added, “And Marine's are no fools, even if they aren't Navy men... er, women.”  
  
Clarke's lips broke out into another smile, one she didn't even try to hide. Sometimes she just really loved her patients. 

***

_Then_

Lexa tried to focus her attention on her campers: she really did. They were out on the field, all running around after the soccer ball and trying to get it down to the other end of the field to their opponents' goal, but she was having a hard time concentrating for two reasons. One, it was soccer, and honestly sports had never been an interest of hers. She simply didn't understand the appeal of chasing a ball around and trying to kick it into a net. Or throw it into a net, or hit it into a net, or just hit it, as was the case with other kinds of sports. She really just didn't get it.  
  
Two, there was a blonde sitting just far enough away that she could easily turn as though she was watching the game and instead stare at her. Somehow Clarke had positioned herself in the perfect spot to always be somewhere in Lexa's vision, and it simply wasn't fair.  
  
It had been almost a week since Clarke had invaded on her prep time and even now she still had to admit that she had had fun with the blonde. So much so that she was almost disappointed whenever she had to do her prep in the dance studio, since she hadn't had enough free time recently to make it back to the clearing she had found. She kept remembering Clarke's laughter as Lexa tried to teach her the dance moves, and it turned out prepping was less enjoyable without that laughter ringing in the air. Who knew?  
  
She was about to once again turn to pretend to watch the scrimmage going on before her but in reality look once again at the blonde, when the movement on the field caught her attention for real. One of her campers, Meredith, was kicking the ball, and then suddenly she was on the ground, a cry of pain escaping her. Lexa was on her feet and on the field in an instant, hurrying over to the young girl. By the time she got there Meredith had sat up, but she was holding her left leg close to her, gingerly touching her ankle as a few tears ran down her face.  
  
“I think it's broken!” she exclaimed as soon as Lexa got to her, quickly sitting down next to her. Lexa looked at the ankle and could see that it was already starting to swell.  
  
Suddenly another form was next to her, and blonde hair protruded in the corner of her vision.  
  
“Hey Meredith, can I see your ankle?” Clarke asked gently, her tone soft, a reassuring smile on her face. The young girl nodded and Clarke gently reached out, fingers delicately prodding at the swollen skin, moving the sock as carefully as she could so that she could get a better look at it. Even with as careful as she was being Meredith still whimpered, the movements obviously hurting. Clarke pulled her fingers away after another few seconds and looked up, meeting Meredith's eyes. She smiled again, still trying to be reassuring, and told her, “I don't think it's broken. My friend Octavia plays soccer, and she rolls her ankle all the time. It hurts a lot, I know, but I think it's just a sprain. But hey, you are taking this like a pro. Octavia always cries a lot whenever she gets hurt.” The girl nodded, clearly biting the inside of her cheek to keep herself from crying anymore. “Just in case though,” Clarke added, “Why don't we get you to the infirmary, so that the nurse can take a look at it? How does that sound?”  
  
“I don't think I can walk,” Meredith whispered, her lip quivering, and Clarke just shook her head.  
  
“Don't worry, Lexa and I will help you,” she told her, glancing up at Lexa, who just nodded, giving the girl her own reassuring smile.  
  
“Okay,” the girl said, and Clarke and Lexa both stood up and then helped her to stand up, wrapping an arm around each of their shoulders. She winced some at the movement, but seemed to be okay.  
  
Once up, Clarke looked around, and Lexa followed her gaze, surprised to find everyone in a loose circle around them. She had been so focused on the injured girl that she hadn't realized anyone else was around. She rubbed Meredith's back reassuringly as Clarke turned to Michael, the soccer coach who was looking at them worriedly.  
  
“We're gonna take her to the infirmary,” she informed him, and then nodded towards the other players on the field, many of whom were her campers and Lexa's. “Would you mind taking the Lions and Raccoons to their next activities? Sorry, I know that's a lot of kids to be watching at once.”  
  
“No worries Clarke, we've got them,” Renee said, stepping forward from where she'd been standing on the sidelines. Her campers were there too. “You just take care of Meredith.”  
  
“Thank you,” the blonde replied with a relieved sigh, and Lexa nodded her thanks as well.  
  
As soon as they knew their campers would be taken care of, the three girls started off on the long trek to the infirmary. It was slow moving, as Meredith kind of just hopped along between them, but with the two older girls there to help her, they eventually made it. As soon as they entered the infirmary the nurse took over, tsking when she saw the young girl's ankle, and having her sit on one of the cots set up in the room. Clarke and Lexa moved over to the side of the room, still in view for poor Meredith's sake so that she wouldn't freak out, but far enough away so that the nurse could work uninterrupted.  
  
After a minute of silence between them, Lexa said quietly, “You did very well with that. You were very calm.”  
  
Clarke turned to her with a small smile, taking her eyes away from Meredith for just a minute as she replied, “Yeah, well, like I said, I've seen injuries like that before. I was pretty sure it wasn't broken.” Lexa nodded, agreeing. As a dancer she has seen her own fair share of ankle injuries, and while Meredith's did look painful, it definitely didn't look to be broken. “Plus,” Clarke added, drawing Lexa's attention back to her, “My mom's a doctor, so I kinda learned from her the whole not panicking in the event of an injury thing. Since I want to be a doctor too, that's kinda important.”  
  
Lexa raised her eyebrows at that.  
  
“You want to be a doctor?” she asked, and Clarke nodded.  
  
“Yeah, I want to be able to help people,” she replied, a small smile forming on her lips. “I just think it would be really awesome to be able to fix someone when they're hurting. Or at least make them feel a little better.”  
  
The brunette nodded, her eyes studying Clarke's face for a second longer while the blonde turned back to watch Meredith as the nurse talked to her. During the past two weeks Lexa had learned more about this girl than she had in years of attending school with her, and everything she found out just made her want to know more about her. This was getting to dangerous territory, territory she had absolutely no desire to go into, so she looked away, turning her own attention back to the injured girl sitting across the room on the cot. To steer the conversation away from that dangerous territory, Lexa inquired nonchalantly, “So Octavia cries when she gets hurt?” This other girl seemed to be a safe conversation topic, and considering she had started dating one of Lexa's only two good friends, learning more about her seemed like a good idea, especially since Lincoln had made no indication that she would be going anywhere any time soon.  
  
At the question Clarke just laughed.  
  
“Oh, god no,” she exclaimed quietly, the laughter still in her voice, “When she gets hurt she just starts swearing and doesn't stop, but I couldn't exactly tell that to an eleven year old, could I?”  
  
Lexa let out her own little laugh, and pretended not to see Clarke looking at her out of the corner of her eye.  
  
Dangerous territory indeed.

***

_Now_

Lexa led the majority of her team through the trees, her boots crunching lightly against the frozen ground. They were in luck in that it had been warm enough recently that no snow covered the ground, but the dirt below their feet remained hard, the reminder that winter was not yet over. As they trudged forward, Lexa could see her breath in the air before her whenever she exhaled. It didn't feel that cold: the gear on her back weighed at least fifteen pounds, plus with her heavy jacket and long pants, she was sweating as she walked. Her cheeks and nose were a little cold, but it was almost a welcome relief compared to the rest of her. She knew her people must be feeling relatively the same: they'd been walking with only short breaks for over a day. She'd made them rest for a few hours when it was darkest, knowing they needed the time to regain their strength and that it was more dangerous to travel at night, but other than that they'd been moving almost nonstop. Her people were good soldiers though, never complaining about the difficult pace. They understood the severity of the situation just as much as she did.  
  
It had been almost a week ago when the Captain had first told her of this mission. He'd pulled her aside, away from any prying ears, and informed her of all that he knew. What he knew, Lexa quickly learned, was that another unit had recently taken a Reaper captive. After hours of interrogating him, he'd finally given them some information. None of this was particularly impressive: after all, they'd taken prisoners before and tortured them for information (it was a part of war that Lexa didn't enjoy, though she understood the necessity). What was impressive was what they had gotten out of the Reaper.  
  
According to him, a group of Reapers were forming together, getting ready to attack. Supposedly he hadn't known where they were attacking, he only had an idea of where they were meeting. He'd said that fifteen to twenty of them were meeting, and once they did, they were going to attack and raid, destroying anything and everything in their path as they always did. The important thing however wasn't that they were attacking: it was that the Marines knew about it before it actually happened. That didn't happen, not often at least. More often than not they didn't get word of an attack until it was already in progress, and by then they were almost always too late to help those effected by the attack. But if this information was good, it would mean having the opportunity to stop an attack before it even began. Lexa's veins hummed with nervous excitement just at the idea.  
  
That all being said, Lexa didn't trust information given through torture. It wasn't reliable. More often than not, the person being tortured would just say whatever they thought would get the pain to stop. So as much as she wanted this information to be good, she didn't dare put her faith in it. She'd gathered her people as soon as she'd been given the okay by the Captain and headed out, but she did so with the knowledge that what she found may not be what they had been told. So far that had proven to be the right way of looking at things. According to the Reaper's information, they should have found the meeting place by now. Already Lexa had had to alter their course slightly more than once, as they'd already crossed two empty Reaper camps.  
  
Lexa's attention shifted from the trees ahead of her when she saw Marques and Echo, her two scouts, move from the trees off to their right to rejoin the unit. From the expressions on their faces, Lexa knew that they weren't going to have to go past the third Reaper camp. Also from the expressions, she knew that something was not right. Beads of sweat ran down their faces, and both seemed paler than usual. The nervous hum in the Heda's veins increased as a bad feeling formed in the pit of the young woman's stomach.  
  
“Report,” she ordered as they approached, her unit all stopping and creating a half circle around the two scouts.  
  
Marques licked his lips, as though they were dry, or maybe just as a nervous tick, and then informed them all, “We've found 'em alright, and it's not good.”  
  
“We counted almost thirty, Heda,” Echo added, her gaze locked with Lexa's. She stood straight, her shoulders back, but Lexa could tell she was nervous too. “Couldn't tell, but we're pretty sure there's more. If I had to guess, I'd say there's between thirty and thirty five of them. Way more than we anticipated.”  
  
Lexa heard a number of her people swear, cursing their prisoner for his misinformation. If they had known there would be that many, a larger unit would have created the attack team. They were meant for smaller parties, and since when did Reapers travel with so many? The whole point of the Grounder unit was so that they could keep up with the fast movements of the Reapers, people known to move in small, quick groups.  
  
The Lieutenant took a few steps away from her people, her hand running through her hair as she took a moment to think. She winced as her fingers got caught in her braids, and then looked up, her mind racing. There were too many options, and all of the options had serious downsides to them. The obvious option was to turn back, return to Polis, report to Rivo what they'd seen, and have a larger, more equipped team set out to meet and take down these Reapers. Of course the problem with that was that no matter how fast they moved, it would take at least most of a day to get back to camp. Longer, since it was only a few hours to nightfall. And even once they got there, it would take even longer for Rivo to put send out another team, and by that time it was all too possible that the Reapers would have moved from their camp and would probably even be attacking innocent people by then.  
  
The other option was to stay and fight.  
  
It sounded like an easy option; it wasn't. There were only nine of them. Since Tony's last replacement had been transferred from the team two months ago, they hadn't gotten anyone else. Up until this moment, that had been fine with Lexa, as it always changed the dynamics of the team whenever someone new joined them. Now though even just one more person with a gun on their side would have made her feel better. Even if there were only thirty of the enemy, and according to Echo and Marques there could easily be more than that, it was still a ratio of over three to one. Her unit had never gone into a battle that out-numbered before. Sure, they were a small unit and almost always out-numbered, but never by that much. The likelihood of any of them surviving this battle was slim; the likelihood of all of them surviving was even smaller.  
  
She turned back around and studied the face of each of them, finding them all watching her in silence. Artigas fidgeted, shifting from one foot to another, and as much as he was trying to hide it, his fear was clear on his face. Marques and Echo had seen the enemy, and the knowledge of what they faced reflected back at her from their eyes, even as they watched her. Tristan stood with a scowl, Shet next to him working his jaw in his own nervous tick. Beads of sweat had appeared on Jay's forehead at the news and had started to trickle down his face but he ignored them. Quint's brow was pulled down into a glare, but Lexa knew the look wasn't directed at her, instead directed at the one who had led them on this suicide mission. And Ryder just stood there, his head held high, looking at her. Each one of them was telling her that they were ready to follow her, no matter what she decided to do. She was their leader, and they would follow her, even if that meant following her to their deaths. She met each one of their gazes and then let out a heavy sigh.  
  
Stealing her shoulders, she stepped back towards them, gesturing for them to gather around her. They did, and as they all moved, she spoke, her voice firm. “Alright, this is what we're going to do...”

***

_Then_

“So do you need me to pose or something?” Michael asked as he flopped down on the bed across from Clarke's chair. He looked at her, raising his eyebrows at her, and then added, “Should I smile? Or would you rather a broody pout?” He demonstrated both, first giving her an over-exaggerated smile and then pulled his eyebrows down, chin sticking out in a very fake pout. The faces caused Clarke to laugh, shaking her head while she pulled her sketchbook out of her bag, her pencil following right behind it.  
  
“No, you definitely don't have to give me a broody pout,” she informed him, “It's really not the look for you.” He stuck his tongue out at her, to which she responded with the same gesture. “Just relax and sit however you would normally sit.”  
  
“Alright Picasso,” he replied, and then he fell over on his side, propping his head up on his arm as he gave her a look. “Draw me like one of your french girls.”  
  
Clarke couldn't stop the slight snort from escaping as she said, “Those are two very different references. Picasso had absolutely nothing to do with the Titanic.”  
  
He just shrugged, a grin on his face. “Whatever. Draw away, then.”  
  
Clarke sent him one more silly grin before she flipped her sketchbook open to a clean page, looked up at him once more, and then began drawing.  
  
Like always, once her pencil hit the paper, everything else around her disappeared. Michael tried to talk to her for a couple of minutes, but after only receiving a few short clipped responses, he stopped bothering and instead just watched her as she worked. The only sound in the room came from the pencil scratching against paper and whatever noises managed to make it inside from the open windows. Michael finally decided to close his eyes, listening to the birds and noises of the people walking by the cabin.  
  
Clarke didn't see his eyes close: she didn't need to look up, his image imprinted on her mind. She began with the shape of his face, taking up the majority of the page so that she could get in as much detail as possible. As her pencil moved however, something felt wrong. Or rather, it felt right, but looked wrong. Michael's chin was squared, with a little cleft down its center: the chin appearing on the paper before her was pointed, almost sharp, but with a rounded end that was anything but. The jaw that grew from that chin was strong, stubborn. The forehead became much more rounded than Michael's was, and it wasn't until she was detailing the braids pulling the long hair from the figure's face that Clarke realized she had never been drawing Michael at all. Her fingers flew over the page, adding detail she hadn't realized she'd picked up on. The slope of her nose was perfectly straight, her cheek bones high. One eyebrow was raised just slightly, as though the look of mild interest was already forming, even without eyes or lips yet. The hair that was wasn't pulled back in small braids was tucked behind small ears, always kept out of the way. Her ears weren't pierced: Clarke hadn't realized that until that moment, when her pencil danced away without putting any piercings in. She added more detail to the chin and cheeks, and then her pencil moved and began drawing the lips.  
  
Her lower lip was fuller than the upper one, but not by much. Both lips were thin, pressed together, no hint of a smile on them, but no scowl either. As she added in the detail work, her fingers ghosted over the image forming, rubbing the lead from the pencil to soften the lines. Whether there was a smile on them or not, those lips always looked soft to Clarke. Inviting. She couldn't help but wonder if they were as soft as they appeared. She was fairly sure that they were.  
  
She added a little more detail work to the sketch, putting another line here, blending better there, before she moved her pencil up and began the shape of the eyes. Here she slowed down. Not because she didn't know the shape or size, but because they had to be perfect. The detail had to be correct. The blonde pulled her bottom lip between her teeth, chewing on it lightly as she concentrated. After getting the correct shape of the eye, she added the eyelashes. She had such long eyelashes. And then she drew the eyes themselves, and it was here that she found the smile. Lexa smiled with her eyes much more often than with her mouth. It was a spark in them that Clarke often saw when they talked, a spark that seemed to bring her whole self out. She worked so hard to keep all of her emotions locked up, hidden away where no one could find them, but she couldn't keep them from her eyes. Clarke wished suddenly that she had more than just her pencil, wished that she could add color to the picture to try to get the glow from those bright, incredible eyes she so often found herself unable to look away from. She wished it, but at the same time she was pretty sure she would never be able to duplicate the exact shade of green that was Lexa's eyes. They were like... a pine forest after a rain storm. The bright green of the pine needles only made all the more vibrant with the rain from the storm still stuck to them, causing them to glisten in the sun. They were dark and bright at the same time, and while Clarke knew that made absolutely no sense, it was still the truth.  
  
“How's it coming over there? You've been at it for awhile.”  
  
Clarke jumped, only just managing to pull her pencil away from the paper before accidentally adding a streak down the face of the figure on her paper. She could tell by the sudden ache in her back from being hunched over that it had indeed been awhile, and not only had she lost track of time, she had also managed to forget that there was anyone else in the room, let alone the fact that she was supposed to be drawing said person. Michael was looking at her with a grin, an eyebrow raised, and suddenly she felt her heart beat pick up. She felt like she had just been caught doing something she wasn't supposed to do, which, in actuality, kind of had just happened. She managed to stop the look of panic from flashing across her face just in time, and instead made a face at him.  
  
“Don't you know not to interrupt an artist while they're working?” she joked, and he rolled his eyes at her, the grin not leaving his face.  
  
“My bad,” he said, “I guess I don't know the rules of posing. Do I get to see it yet?”  
  
Her heart leaped to her throat, her grip on the sketchbook tightening. He could not see her sketch. She couldn't get caught sketching Lexa when she was supposed to be sketching him. He wouldn't understand (she was pretty sure she didn't understand either, but he really wouldn't understand, and it would only be worse if he did). Instead of letting her fear show, she just sighed dramatically and pretended to give the sketch a disapproving look.  
  
“No, you don't get to see it,” she replied finally, flipping a few pages further into the sketchbook so as to hide the drawing. “It isn't coming along how I want it to, and if I don't like it then you're definitely not allowed to see it. I'm gonna have to start over.”  
  
He just shrugged, telling her with a grin, “I got all day. Well, I've got til free period is over, which is like, another half an hour, so I guess I've got thirty minutes.”  
  
She smiled back at him and then turned to the new page, once again bringing her pencil to its surface and began again. This time however she couldn't get anything to look right. She kept looking from him to the paper, trying to make sure she only drew the person in front of her, but it just didn't work. His chin wasn't as square as it was supposed to be. His cheeks were too narrow, his hair more controlled than she'd ever seen it. The lips, though turned up in a cocky grin weren't his lips, not completely, and nothing about the shape of his eyes was right. Two images were fighting for control on the paper, and the dual was creating some awkward, misshapen figure to appear, a figure that was neither Michael nor Lexa, but some strange combination of the two, and nothing about it looked right. Finally she sighed, defeated, and let her sketchbook fall in her lap.  
  
“I give up,” she stated, rubbing the hand that had been clutched around the pencil in order to work out the kinks she hadn't realized had formed. “Apparently I can't draw today. Nothing's coming out right.”  
  
“I'm sure it looks awesome,” Michael said, sitting up on the bed. “Here, let me look.” He reached out as though he expected her to hand him the sketchbook, but she held on to it tighter.  
  
“Nu uh,” she argued, shaking her head, “I told you, if I don't like it, you're not allowed to see it.”  
  
He rolled his eyes again but let his hand drop, and then his lips curled up into a new grin.  
  
“Alright, well if you're done drawing and I don't get to see it, I can think of something else we can do until our free period's over and we have to go back to being responsible camp counselors,” he stated, the tone of his voice and raise of his eyebrows making it clear what he was suggesting.  
  
Clarke returned the grin, placing her now closed sketchbook next to her bag and stood up, sauntering towards the bed, adding a little extra swing to her hips.  
  
“And just what kind of girl do you think I am?” she asked, faut shock in her voice.  
  
“The kind who likes to have a little fun,” he replied as he reached out and wrapped his arms around her hips as soon as she got close enough. “The kind who likes spending her free time making out with a good-looking guy.”  
  
“Huh. I guess you do kinda know me,” she said, and he just grinned before pulling her down on the bed with him, their lips quickly coming together as they held each other close.  
  
As his lips pressed against hers, Clarke tried not to think about another pair of lips, and whether they would be softer against hers, how they would move against hers, how they would feel against hers.  
  
She wasn't successful. 

***

_Now_

Lexa lay flat on the ground, her eyes peering up through the bushes in front of her. Luckily even without many leaves on them they were thick, and with her dark clothing and dark paint around her eyes she blended in enough that the two men standing only a few feet away couldn't see her. It also helped that they had their backs to her, too busy looking in front of them to bother looking behind. She looked over to her left to find Marques a couple of feet away from her, also laying on the ground in a dense group of bushes. He was looking at her, waiting for her signal, and she gave it then, just the smallest wave of her hand. He motioned back to inform her he got it, and then the two slowly, oh so very slowly, pulled themselves out of the bushes and to their feet, making no noise whatsoever. That was why they had been chosen for this part of the mission: they were the two stealthiest members of the team, and if they were caught at this moment then the plan Lexa had so meticulously crafted would be ruined before it could even begin, and they would all be dead.  
  
The two Grounders crept forward, and once again Lexa was thankful there was no snow on the ground so that there was no crunch beneath their feet. Since the moment they had started to move, Lexa's sole attention had been on the Reaper in front of her, but out of the corner of her eye she could see Marques moving along with her. Also from the corner of her eye she saw the glint of Marques's knife in the dying sunlight, and the reminder of her own knife made it suddenly feel heavy in her hand. She held it loosely, her fingers flexing and reflexing around its hilt, anticipation humming through her veins. She could feel her heartbeat all the way to her fingertips, but ignored it along with everything else. She crept forward, not even daring to breathe until there was less than a foot of space between her and the Reaper before her who still luckily hadn't thought to look behind him.  
  
In a sudden movement, she closed the gap between them, her free hand wrapping around his face to cover his mouth so that he couldn't make any noise, her hand with the knife immediately going to his throat and slashing at the exposed flesh. She could feel the sharp blade against his skin, and then suddenly she felt the warm flood of blood running down her hand. To her left, Marques mirrored her actions just a split second after her, his own knife biting into the second Reaper's throat as his hand covered his mouth. Neither man had time to make anything other than a muffled noise of shock before their throats had been slit and their now lifeless bodies were being held up by the two people who had so efficiently killed them. After another moment, Quint and Ryder both came out of the woods nearby, moving quickly but quietly over to them and grabbing the legs of the bodies, the four Grounders moving them further away from the now guard-less camp. Tossing the bodies out of sight amongst more thick bushes, Lexa felt a twinge of guilt. These were two men whose death had been her fault, and now she was just tossing them aside. They were the enemy, yes, and would have easily and happily killed her and all of her people if she had allowed them to live with no thoughts of remorse, and yet her guilt was real. She pushed it aside however, locking it away until later. Now was not the time for emotions: now was the time to follow the plan. She looked up as all of her people came out from the trees, and she made eye contact with them all, nodding to each in turn.  
  
“You know what to do now,” she informed them quietly, speaking quickly. She needed to get back to where they had killed the two on watch: this entire plan hinged on no one finding out they were dead until it was too late, and if someone showed up she needed to be there to take them out before they could alert anyone else. At the same time, this was possibly the last time she would ever see any of her people again, and she had words that needed to be said. Once again she looked around at them all, etching their faces into her memory. “Wait for my signal. We will not attack until long after dark unless we absolutely have to. In this case, the dark will be on our side. We will need it. Cover the back of the one you are stationed with. We can't afford to lose anyone on this mission. There are only nine of us and over thirty of them. If you get hit, don't you dare die. Wrap it up and keep shooting. Be smart. Be strong.” She looked around again, finding everyone hanging on her words. There was so much more she wanted to say to them. So much she wanted them to know if she never had the opportunity to speak to them again. But she could see it all, every word she wanted to say, staring back at her from eight pairs of eyes. They all knew. So instead of saying anything more, she just nodded, meeting everyone's eyes one last time, and then they broke up, everyone melting into the trees to go to where she had stationed them. Lexa watched them all disappear and then turned, walking quickly and silently back to where the two guards had been stationed.  
  
When she got there, she could have smiled if her heart wasn't racing and stuck in her throat. No one had showed up during the few moments she had been gone, so it seemed safe to say that no one knew their two guards had suddenly disappeared. She looked down at the ground where they had been standing and frowned. Blood had splashed against the ground, turning clumps of the dirt red, but that was to be expected. Slitting a man's throat is messy work, especially when there's two of them. They had been able to keep most of the blood from the dirt beneath them, as they never let the bodies fall and quickly moved them away from the spot, but they couldn't avoid staining the ground altogether. Quickly Lexa did the best she could, turning up the dirt in what she hoped would just look like a lot of foot traffic had passed through, and not two people had just been killed as they stood there. She wasn't entirely successful as some red was still visible amongst the brown of the dirt, but it would have to do. Reapers, she knew, weren't entirely organized, so she felt fairly safe in thinking that no one would return to this spot until the next shift came to replace the guards who would still be standing there if it weren't for the Grounders' knives. Lexa had watched and waited, choosing these two because she had seen them replace the last set of Reapers on watch and so knew it would be a couple of hours at least until their replacements showed up. Hopefully by then there would be no Reapers left to stand guard.  
  
Lexa moved into the trees, finding a spot where she could easily see the guard area but not be seen by anyone else, and crouched down, waiting. She slung her gun from over her shoulder, feeling its weight on one arm, and let her free hand fall to the sword at her waist, its smooth handle calming her down as it always did. This was what she had known would be the hardest part of her plan: waiting for the right time to attack. Because of the enemy's numbers, she didn't dare let her people attack in the daylight; it would be much too easy for the Reapers to spot them and then return the attack, in which case her people would go down one right after the other. In the dark however, they stood a chance. It wasn't much of a chance, but it was a chance.  
  
Lexa had divided them up, sending two Grounders each to the North, South, East and West corners of the Reapers' camp. She had considered having them all spread out and simply encircle the camp, but she wanted her people to each have back-up if needed. They had all been instructed to find a spot near enough their partner that they could see and signal to them, but not close enough that one would put the other in danger if spotted. With any luck, that would be enough back up for them all.  
  
Ryder had argued when she split them up, pointing out the obvious flaw in that Lexa would be the only one without back up. She had turned his argument aside though. She refused to take a partner away from any of her people, and someone was needed to watch this post, to make sure their presence wasn't given away to early. She was fast and quiet and had the best chance of taking down an enemy with little noise, so she had determined that she would be the one to watch this spot until it was time, and she would do it alone.  
  
And so she did. She remained there for over an hour as the sun slowly fell from the sky, the stars and moon taking its place. Still she waited, not taking her eyes from the spot in front of her, her ears trained and listening for any sound that could mean trouble. The moon was little more than half full in the sky, which meant she depended greatly on her ears at the moment. This was another thing that was both a blessing and a curse. Because of the dim light from the moon, her enemies would have a harder time finding her and her people in their hiding spots around their camp. It also meant that if the Reapers didn't have a fire going, it would be difficult to spot them, and any who were away from that fire would be difficult to find. It was a cold night though, a fact Lexa's body was beginning to realize the longer she stood there, and so she believed it likely that at least many of them would be around a fire for warmth. She let out a silent sigh, her breath clouding in front of her, and she continued to wait.  
  
Finally she looked up, deciding that the time for waiting was over. She estimated that it had been almost two hours since she had sent her people out, which meant that the next group on watch would be out in another hour or so. It was as dark as it was going to get, and with the knowledge that her window of opportunity was closing, she moved, her limbs stiff after being still for so long.  
  
She crept through the trees, her gun in one hand as the other hand pressed against her sword, keeping it from swinging wildly at her side as she moved. She moved as silently as she could, the dark hiding sticks and rocks she would have seen in the light, and cursed herself whenever she made a sound. Her eyes scanned around her, never not moving, while her ears remained on alert, but no enemies seemed to be near enough to hear her. The closer she got to the camp however, the more she could hear them, and the slower she got, needing to be in complete control of her movements. They were loud, she thought as she moved, but maybe that was only because every sound she made seemed amplified to her, so other noise was equally loud. That, and the fact that there were so many of them. She could see flashes of light through the trees and knew that they had at least a few fires going, and the closer she got the easier it was to see figures moving around the fires.  
  
Finally she got as close as she dared and moved to a tall tree whose branches stuck out on all sides. The lowest branch was a few inches higher than her, so she slung her gun back over her shoulder, feeling its weight pulling down on the strap around her shoulder. As quietly as she could she jumped up, grasping the nearest branch and hauling herself up. In that moment, she was as equally thankful for all of the pull-ups she had made herself do over the past eight years as she was for the many nights she had snuck into Clarke's bedroom using the tree outside her window. The reminder of those easy days long ago caused a small smile to appear on Lexa's lips as she hauled herself up the tree, moving from one branch to the other as quickly as she could, but then she wiped the smile away. Now was not the time to think of Clarke. She had to concentrate on the job at hand, and thinking of Clarke made it hard to think of anything else. So she wiped the blonde from her mind, praying that she would have time to think of her later.  
  
Reaching a decent height in the tree, Lexa stopped, tested a branch, and once determining that it would be able to hold her weight, she sat, tucking her back against the large trunk. She was as safe there as anywhere at the moment, so she put her mind back towards the people below her. Carefully she swung her gun back over her shoulder and held it up, looking through the eye piece to get a better idea of what lay beneath her.  
  
She did a quick sweep of the camp and found three large fires going, each one having a number of Reapers around them. From what she could see, few of them were armed. That was good: the longer her people had before their enemy could get to their guns, the better chance they had at survival. She scanned again, counting the tents that had already been set up. There were five of them, but she couldn't tell how many Reapers, if any, were already in them. Once again guilt ate away at her insides. This was not the kind of battle she had signed up for. When she shot her gun, she did so at an enemy as armed as she was: that was battle. This was not battle. This was going to be murder. Shooting an unarmed man, whether he was the enemy or not, was murder. That was how she saw it. Whether she liked it or not however, she had no choice. It was either this or die, or return to camp and leave these people to kill others. At least she felt guilty for what she was going to do, and at least those she would be responsible for killing were planning on killing others. This was how she justified her decision, but the justification did nothing to quench the guilt in her gut. If she did survive this, she was going to have to live with this decision every day for the rest of her life. That would not be easy.  
  
Lexa didn't allow herself anymore time to worry, about her decisions or her people or her future. It was now or never, so it was going to be now. Carefully shrugging the gun to the side so that it was still in her arms but out of her way, she raised her cupped hands to her mouth and let out a long, loud howl. It was the signal that she knew her people were waiting for. The next instant, everything went crazy.  
  
Gun shots rang out, and if Lexa didn't know there were only eight other people in the woods firing down on the enemy, she would have thought there were many more of them. Quickly she raised her own gun and added her own shots to the melee.  
  
Reapers were jumping up and going down one right after another. She had ordered her people to take the best shots they could, going for the kill every time so as not to waste ammo, and they seemed to be following her orders. She looked through her scope and took aim, pulling the trigger and hitting her own target, but all below her she saw the enemy falling into chaos. Bodies were slowly piling on the ground, some dead, others just injured. Those who were able to ran to arm themselves, and soon Reapers were returning fire into the trees, and Lexa couldn't tell if they were actually aiming at anything or just firing and hoping to get lucky. She thought a silent prayer for her people and continued to fire, taking aim at those who were picking up guns. She moved in time to see a couple of Reapers coming out of the tents, all only partially dressed, and then she watched as they too fell, never completely able to wipe the look of sleep and confusion and panic from their faces. The guilt ate away at her, but Lexa turned away and chose a new target, firing her gun once again.  
  
She fired, and her people fired and the enemy fired, and Lexa wondered if she was ever going to be able to get the ringing of gunfire out of her ears.

***

_Then_

The brunette groaned and had to physically stop herself from hitting her forehead with the palm of her hand. Stupid, stupid, stupid. She was being stupid. Incredibly, foolishly, inconceivably stupid. A camper gave her a look as she walked by, and she tried not to scowl at him, but she wasn't entirely sure she had been successful as he quickly walked away from her, avoiding eye contact. So great, yeah, now she was not only stupid, but she was scaring campers. Great job, Lexa. You're doing such a fantastic job here.  
  
Hadn't she been down this road before? Hadn't she told herself, in no uncertain terms, that she would never, _never_ , fall for a straight girl again? After what had happened she'd even told herself she'd never fall for _anyone_ again, and yet here she was, not quite a month into her time at Camp Ark, and she was falling for Clarke Griffin. Why? Why did her body hate her so much? What about this was at all even a little bit fair? Nothing, nothing was the answer: nothing about this was fair.  
  
She growled again, and this time she did hit herself on the forehead. She was falling for Clarke Griffin, who was straight, which meant she was doing the exact thing she had sworn never to do again after Costia. Costia, the girl who had completely ripped out her heart and was the number one reason for her trust issues. Well, Costia and certain other events that had happened in her life, but in this case it all circled back on Costia.  
  
Costia had broken her; it was truly as simple as that. Costia had used her and then broken her when she decided she was done with her. Even now, almost two years later, just thinking about the other girl caused an ache to form in her gut. She had loved Costia and it hurt to even admit that. She had never fallen in love before, and then she fell in love with Costia, the straight girl who thought it would be fun to toy with the lesbian, telling her she loved her and kissing her and sleeping with her and then just crushing Lexa with a laugh as she stood there and let Lexa fall apart. After that Lexa had hardened her already sheltered heart, vowing never to open herself up to that kind of pain again.  
  
Except now she was and she hadn't even realized that it had happened. It took three weeks of hanging out with Clarke, talking with the blonde, laughing with the blonde, spending time with just the blonde and no one else, for Lexa to realize that, yeah, she didn't just like Clarke as a friend. No, her stupid, irresponsible heart had decided that it needed to develop stronger feelings than just that of friendship for this girl that really, she barely even knew. Okay, so yes, she had learned that Clarke wanted to be a doctor. She had listened to stories about Clarke's parents, and her friends, and her life and dreams and aspirations and why it was she had those dreams and aspirations, but even with all that, she had still only really known Clarke for a few weeks. Other than the many years of school they'd had together, she meant, because really that didn't count because when in that time had they ever even really talked (Lexa tried her best to ignore the part of her that thought about all that lost time they could have had together)?  
  
She also tried to ignore the part of her that often thought (with way too much hope for Lexa's liking) that Clarke was flirting with her. Because, yeah, sometimes it really did seem like the blonde was flirting, and since they were the only two talking, she must have been flirting with Lexa. Which yeah, might mean something, if Clarke didn't flirt with _everybody_. This was another thing that Lexa had noticed about the blonde: she liked to flirt, and dammit she was good at it, to the point that Lexa didn't think she even realized she was doing it. The brunette had been with her at times when she would flirt with Michael (who Lexa knew Clarke was fooling around with, which was fine, it's not like she actually had any chances with the blonde anyway, so really she had no reason to be jealous and she wished that pit in her stomach whenever she saw or heard about Michael would go away), but she'd also been there at times when it seemed like the blonde was also flirting with Naomi or Renee, the two other girls that Clarke had become friends with during their time at camp. So because of this, Lexa was pretty sure that Clarke had no idea she was doing it, so the fact that she also flirted with Lexa meant absolutely nothing. Which was fine. It really was.  
  
The brunette closed her eyes as she walked, taking deep, steadying breaths. She needed to get control of this thing. More importantly, she needed to get over this thing and move on, because she liked Clarke. Yes, she _liked_ her, that much was painfully obvious to her now, but more importantly, she liked her. Clarke was the first new friend she'd had in... well, pretty much ever. It seemed like she'd always had Anya, who she loved dearly and kind of looked up to even though she was only a few months older (a fact that Anya had pointed out often when they were little, just to get on Lexa's nerves), and through the years she had found that with Anya came Lincoln, and while she hadn't expected to become close friends with Lincoln when they were little, now she appreciated it and kind of looked to him as an older brother.  
  
So yes, Anya and Lincoln were both great, but they were all Lexa had ever had for great friends. As a kid there had been a few others, but she'd grown apart from them and hadn't made new ones. People thought she was cold and she got it, she really did; after all, she kind of was. She didn't open up well. Didn't let people in the way most people did. And after Costia, she closed herself off even more. She hadn't wanted new people in her life, hadn't wanted anyone to come in, but Clarke Griffin had, and somehow she had barged right through those walls as if they weren't there. Lexa was almost too impressed to be upset by that. Yes, Clarke had come into her life with that smile of hers and those bright blue eyes, and as much as she wanted to kiss those lips, even more she just wanted to have another person in her life who she knew she could depend on, and she wanted that person to be Clarke. So she had to get over this stupid crush, and that was all there was to it.  
  
“Lexa! Hey, hold on!”  
  
She turned, and yes, sure enough there was the very blonde she was trying to get out of her heart, jogging towards her with that same big smile on her face, those bright blue eyes simply shining. Lexa looked behind the blonde and felt something of a sense of satisfaction in the fact that Michael and Renee both stood behind her, Clarke clearly having been talking to them before she saw the brunette walking by. She stopped and waited until the blonde reached her, her smile only growing, and as Lexa watched her she felt her heartbeat pick up.  
  
Yep, she definitely needed to get a handle on this crush thing sooner rather than later. 

***

_Now_

By some miracle, they all survived.  
  
And honestly, they didn't look too bad for having been outnumbered three-to-one. Shet had been grazed along his thigh, Tristan had somehow gotten a cut across the bridge of his nose, and they all had minor cuts and bruises, but no one had any serious injuries. She had been sure someone would need serious medical attention, but none of them did, and that knowledge made her breathe easier as they returned to Polis, their success evident in the way they walked. Her people were all proud of what they done, but none of them were more proud than Lexa was. They had done horrible work, had needed to do absolutely horrible things that she knew she would never be able to get over, but at the very least they had done it well, completing their mission in a way that far exceeded what she had expected of them. She was proud of them, proud of all of them, and she couldn't help but let that pride and her people's almost giddiness wipe away her guilt for the time being at least.  
  
Later on she would think that it was that pride, that near giddiness that caused the next set of events to happen, because in war one should never be too proud. That's basically just asking the universe for trouble, and the universe it seemed was happy to give them trouble after a job so well done.  
  
She didn't know how she heard it, considering her ears were still slightly ringing from the gunfire, but she did. One minute she was leading her people back to Polis, everyone in a good mood, and the next she heard the quietest click she had ever heard before and froze. She turned around abruptly, surprising Artigas and Echo, the two walking closest to her, and scanned her people. She didn't have to guess who it was: the moment she saw Ryder, saw the tension in his shoulders and jaws, the look of surprise and then immediate acceptance in his eyes, she knew it was him. Her eyes trailed down to his boots, and while they were too big for her to really see the object beneath them, she knew from the way his foot was angled what had happened.  
  
The Reapers had decided to start using a new weapon: bombs. And Ryder had stepped on an IED.  
  
Just like that Lexa almost wished for more gunfire. That, at least, they were prepared for. This they were not.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry I didn't update last weekend, but this kinda crazy thing happened two weeks ago where my college director called me up. One of her actresses dropped out of her play on tech Sunday (if you know theater, you know that that is a very big deal), so I stepped in to help out, but that meant I had absolutely no time for writing. But I hope this makes up for the missing week! Also, I want to let you all know that there are only three more chapters left of "The Note." We are getting to the end, so thanks for sticking with me this long! Anyway, hope you enjoyed the chapter, and as always I would love to hear your feedback. Happy (and safe) Halloween everyone/to those who celebrate it!


	24. Chapter 24: Now and Then Part Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a quick note: possible trigger warning for sexual assault in this chapter.

_Then_

She didn't really know how she ended up here. Didn't know how her life had suddenly gone from what it had been to what it was now. It was only a few weeks ago that she had gotten here, met Michael and decided he was going to be her summer distraction. It had seemed like that would be the case, both of them clearly interested in one another from the moment Clarke walked by him that first day, but then something had distracted her from her distraction. Something had come along, completely out of the blue and so suddenly that the blonde had had no time to prepare herself for it, and now it had been two days since she had really even talked to Michael and she couldn't care less. The boy who had been meant to be the source of all her fun that summer was the farthest thing from her mind while her real distraction sat next to her, bare feet dipped in the lake before them while the moonlight made her brown hair shine and her green eyes glow.  
  
They were sitting in Lexa's clearing, their clearing, resting beside each other on one of the large rocks partially submerged in the water, enjoying the peace and quiet of the night. Their campers had all been taken on an excursion with the senior counselors, so with no responsibilities tying them to their bunks they had once again made it out to their rock. It was not the first time they had found themselves alone there since their initial meeting: it seemed like any evening they both had off they somehow made it out here, whether it was planned or not. They met, walked the fifteen minute walk away from camp, and then sat for hours, talking and laughing and simply enjoying one another's company. And she really didn't know how it had happened, but these times had quickly become Clarke's favorite part of this entire camp experience. It was at these times, when the two were alone with no campers or counselors or anyone to intrude that they were both the most at ease, and it was at these times when Clarke didn't try so hard to stop her staring. At this moment, with Lexa smiling slightly as she told a story about a childhood adventure she'd had with her friend Anya, Clarke was finding it impossible not to stare.  
  
Once again Lexa was wearing jean shorts that cut off mid thigh and her long legs were stretched out in front of her, soaking in the moonlight as her feet kicked softly in the water. Her arms hung at her side, hands flat against the rock as she leaned forward, and Clarke's eyes traced the slope of her back before being drawn to her face as the brunette shook her head lightly, the small smile on her face growing as she recounted a particularly entertaining part of the story. Clarke was trying hard to pay attention to her words, but the way the other girl's loose hair flowed down her back and over her shoulders distracted her, and when she looked up further she found she was only more distracted by her lips. Those lips that were currently quirked up in a small smile, so different than they were when others were around. Those lips that shaped words beautifully, making everything she said sound like music to the blonde's ears. Those lips that Clarke had been unable to stop thinking about ever since she accidentally drew Lexa when she was supposed to be drawing Michael. This close, with only about a foot of space between the two of them, they looked even smoother than they had in the blonde's drawing. Clarke couldn't help it; she leaned a bit closer, still staring at those lips. They looked so soft, so sweet. So tempting.  
  
She didn't know she was doing it until she felt those lips pressed against hers. One moment Lexa was talking and Clarke was pretending to listen, and the next the blonde had leaned forward, eyes closing, pressing her lips against the brunette's and she felt herself sighing. She had been right: they were soft. So incredibly, incredibly soft. Her own mouth turned up slightly in its own smile as she realized she had been right.  
  
And then her brain started working again.  
  
Her brain started working, and then completely shut down as she realized what she was doing. She had kissed Lexa. Just randomly, out of the blue, she had kissed Lexa. She was still kissing Lexa. And Lexa was kissing her back, albeit after a moment of shock, but she was kissing her back and it was awesome, incredibly, amazingly awesome, it was one of if not _the best_ kiss she had ever had, but she was kissing Lexa, and she was sober and she had never kissed a girl sober before and suddenly she pulled back so violently that she nearly fell back off the rock. Only Lexa's grab on her arm caught her, keeping her from falling into the lake and turning this humiliating, agonizing situation from just getting even more agonizingly humiliating. She was on her feet as quickly as she'd kissed her, and she was babbling.  
  
“I'm sorry,” she said frantically, her eyes wide and hands waving in front of her. “I'm sorry, I didn't, I didn't mean to. I don't, don't know why, I um, I'm really sorry I just suddenly, just suddenly, um, I didn't, don't really know what, how, how that just happened. I uh, I didn't mean to, I, I don't, I don't do that, I'm not, I can't, it's not like I'm, I'm not, not,” she trailed off, her breath getting caught in her throat as her words got all jumbled together, her mind racing.  
  
Lexa's eyebrows pulled down, a look of concern on her face and she reached forward to try to steady her, but Clarke all but jumped away, her expression panicked. The brunette didn't let the motion get to her as she quietly reassured the blonde, “Hey, it's okay Clarke. You do not need to apologize.”  
  
“I, I,” Clarke began, trying to find the right words, but her lips were tingling still with the feel of Lexa's lips against them, her eyes couldn't leave the worried look on the other girl's face, and her heart was racing in her chest as her mind processed it all. Finally all she got out was, “I have to go,” and then she turned around and all but ran back to the trail, leaving Lexa sitting alone on the rock, her own mind trying to process what had just happened.  
  
By the time her campers got back to their cabin, Clarke had visibly calmed down, but her panic was hidden just beneath the surface. She listened to their stories of the great time they'd had on their trip, listened to the bits and pieces of drama they wanted to share with her, laughed along with them when a story was amusing, and for all they could tell, nothing was wrong. Everything was fine. None of them had even the slightest clue that Clarke's heart was still racing in her chest and that she could barely pay enough attention to them to smile and laugh when she was supposed to. Her thoughts were elsewhere, back on a specific rock in the moonlight and just a few yards away in the cabin next door.  
  
Clarke spent the night tossing and turning. Her dreams consisted entirely of the brunette, going from amazing replays of that one incredible kiss to nightmares ranging from Lexa laughing at her to others finding out about it and turning on her. She woke up multiple times, each time taking long minutes to fall back asleep just to fall into a new dream about Lexa. Clarke was pretty sure it was one of the longest nights of her life.  
  
For two days after that, Clarke couldn't meet Lexa's eyes. The first time she ran into the brunette after the kiss Lexa gave her a small smile, but Clarke just looked hurriedly away, her cheeks turning red. She couldn't tell if Lexa actually didn't mind that she'd kissed her, or if she was just being polite, and honestly, she didn't think she wanted to know which it was. Both answers had their problems. So instead of taking the chance of the topic of the kiss coming up, Clarke just avoided her. She spent more time with her campers and more time with her other friends and tried so hard to push all thoughts of the brunette from her mind, but it was impossible. No matter what she did, she couldn't get the other girl out of her head and it was driving her a little crazy, especially because every time she did see her her eyes would be immediately drawn to Lexa's lips and she would remember exactly what they had felt like against her own. She would quickly turn away and try to find something else to distract her, but it never really worked.  
  
She couldn't avoid Lexa forever though. On the third day after the kiss, their cabins got paired up to work on a project together. It wasn't the first time it had happened, and before this every time it did Clarke would be thrilled to get to spend the extra time with the brunette. Now that she could barely even look at the other girl though the entire project proved to be a challenge. Finally Lexa had to pull her aside while their campers were all distracted, and just feeling the touch of the brunette's hand against the bare skin of Clarke's arm made her body tingle and the breath get caught in her throat. She let Lexa pull her aside, her eyes still down.  
  
“Clarke, please stop this,” Lexa murmured to her, her voice soft. “I get it: what happened the other night was a mistake. You did not mean to do it. I am not going to say anything about it to anyone. We can forget it ever happened if it will make you feel better. But please, just look at me.”  
  
Clarke did. Lexa's words drew her gaze up almost against the blonde's will, and suddenly she was once again staring into green eyes. Those eyes scanned her own as they finally met, and Clarke held the gaze, not turning away from them for the first time in three days.  
  
“You... You won't tell anyone?” Clarke asked, her words so quiet Lexa almost couldn't hear them, but she did and she nodded though she felt a small pang in her chest. She could ignore it though, and simply informed the blonde, “No, of course not. It did not happen if you do not want it to.”  
  
_But what if I do want it to?_ , Clarke thought, her eyes still reading Lexa's, but she didn't say it. Fear closed around her throat like fingers, keeping the thoughts from forming into words, so instead she just licked her lips nervously and nodded. The brunette gave her a small, reassuring smile which Clarke returned, relief flooding through her. No one would know, and Lexa wasn't mad. It had all turned out alright.  
  
After that things went back to normal. For the most part, at least. Clarke returned to spending the majority of her free time with Lexa, and Lexa continued to only allow herself to smile when the blonde was around. They relaxed with one another again and were able to go back to whatever it was they had been before Clarke had accidentally kissed Lexa.  
  
Except that things weren't exactly the same. Even with knowing that Lexa wasn't mad nor was she planning on saying anything to anyone, Clarke still couldn't stop thinking about the kiss. If she'd had a hard time ignoring the brunette's lips before, now that she knew what they felt like against her own it was damn near impossible to do. Thinking about kissing Lexa was all she could do, and it was getting to be more of a distraction than she could handle.  
  
Lexa, in turn, also found it hard to think of anything else. While the kiss had taken her by surprise, she knew she was lying to herself whenever she told herself it had meant nothing. Perhaps it had meant nothing to Clarke; that much was pretty clear with the way she reacted, but to Lexa it had meant something. It had been the first kiss she had had since Costia broke her heart. It was the first time she had allowed someone to get close to her since that moment two years ago when her entire world had come crashing down around her, and even though it had been a mistake, had been an action the blonde had immediately regretted, to Lexa it had been amazing. Amazing enough that she found she had a hard time thinking of anything else but the blonde and her lips.  
  
For just over a week they played their game, both acting as though things had gone back to the way they had been even as they snuck glances at each other whenever they thought the other one wasn't looking. They played their game and tried so hard to ignore the butterflies in their stomachs whenever the other was around, tried to ignore the way their lips would start to tingle just at the memory of being pressed against the others mouth. They pretended to the best of their abilities, until one night Clarke couldn't pretend anymore.  
  
Once again she found herself sitting next to Lexa on their rock. They sat in almost the exact same positions they had been in a week earlier when Clarke had acted without thinking, except this time they sat in silence, and this time Clarke was thinking. Probably a little too hard.  
  
She was thinking about Lexa. Thinking about the kiss. Thinking about the way it had felt both during the kiss and then the panic she had felt afterwards, but that thought made her think of the way Lexa had acted, the way she had completely let it all go. She hadn't been mad at Clarke, hadn't yelled at her for kissing her out of the blue or for the way she acted after. She didn't try to make Clarke talk about it or explain herself: she had just let it go and pretended it didn't happen, just like Clarke had wanted.  
  
Now though. Now Clarke didn't want to let it go. She didn't want to pretend it hadn't happened, because it did happen and she was glad it happened. A little thrilled by it, even. She wasn't ready to talk about it, no, nor was she ready to really even think about what it all meant, but she didn't want to forget about it either. In fact, she didn't just not want to forget about it: she wanted it to happen again. She felt her mouth get dry at the thought, but this time she didn't try to push the thought away. Instead she turned and studied Lexa's face for a minute out of the corner of her eye. The brunette was staring out over the water, but Clarke could sense the nervous energy coming off of her as she slowly tapped her fingers against the surface of the rock. She didn't know how, but in that moment Clarke realized that Lexa didn't really want to forget it had happened either. And maybe...  
  
“Lexa?” Clarke called softly, shifting so that she could easily study the brunette. Said girl turned her head, her gaze tearing away from the lake before them and moving immediately to meet Clarke's eyes. The blonde studied her face, her eyes scanning across it and reading the emotions Lexa was unable to hide away before the blonde saw them. For a long moment they studied each other, both reading things on the others face they hadn't dared to hope for, and then Clarke was leaning forward once again, this time moving slowly. Lexa's breath caught in her throat as she realized what the blonde was doing, but she didn't move away. In fact, if anything she moved slightly forward, meeting the other girl's lips, and then suddenly they were kissing again and both had closed their eyes, sinking into it. Neither pulled away this time, and then Lexa's hands hesitantly moved to Clarke's face, one hand cupping her cheek as the other placed itself at the back of her head tentatively. The blonde wasn't quite so tentative: now that she was kissing Lexa a spark shot through her, and her own hands reached up, fingers gently wrapping themselves in Lexa's long hair and pulling her closer. The brunette sighed into the kiss, and then Clarke felt the fingers resting against her cheek and head tighten their grip slightly, mirroring Clarke's urgency in pulling the blonde in closer too. They kissed, and this time neither pulled away for a long moment, perfectly content just where they were.  
  
Finally they did pull away, but neither moved very far. Their eyes opened again and gazes met, both a little afraid of what they might find in the others look, but neither finding anything more than the contentment they got by being so close to one another.  
  
That is, until Clarke saw a little spark appear in Lexa's eyes as one corner of her mouth turned up in a little smirk.  
  
“Do not worry Clarke, I will not tell anyone about this kiss either,” she informed the blonde, the teasing all too evident in her tone. Clarke felt herself grin before her grip against the back of the brunette's head tightened slightly once again, pulling her closer.  
  
“Shut up,” she murmured, her own tone light as her heart beat wildly in her chest for a whole new reason as she closed the gap between them to once again press her lips to Lexa's.  
  
This she could get used to. 

***

_Now_

It did not take long for the rest of her team to realize what had happened, and the moment they all did the ease they had all been feeling immediately washed away to be replaced with a high-strung energy that hummed through all of them. They all looked back and forth between Lexa and Ryder, neither of whom had taken their eyes from each other. Some of them shifted nervously, others stood completely still, but none of them talked. No one knew what to say.  
  
Finally Lexa broke the silence.  
  
“Quint,” she called out, and out of the corner of her eyes she saw him turn his complete attention to her. “You are to lead everyone back to Polis.”  
  
“What about you?” he asked, his voice rough. She could tell he was trying hard to keep his emotions from the situation from surfacing, but he was having a hard time.  
  
“That is unimportant,” she informed him, finally turning her focus away from Ryder and onto him. “I am giving you an order and a job promotion. Congratulations: you are now the leader of the Grounders.”  
  
Everyone's eyes opened wide, some of their jaws actually falling open.  
  
“Heda,” Quint began, shaking his head slightly, but Lexa cut him off.  
  
“It is now your job to see to it that the rest of this team returns to Polis safely,” she said to him, leaving no room in her tone for arguments. “Once there, you will report to Captain Rivo and inform him of what we have done. He will decide whether you will keep your promotion in the event that I do not soon return. He may decide to allow you to keep the job, as you will be the one who has been a Grounder the longest. If this is the case, I wish you the best of luck. You will do well with the position.” She turned her attention back to Ryder as she said to everyone else, “And I expect you all to follow Quint's orders. He is an ass sometimes, but he will lead you well.”  
  
They all stood there, a little dumbfounded, none of them really knowing what to say. Finally Shet and Artigas began to speak at once, both saying, “Heda-,” but again Lexa cut them off.  
  
“I believe I gave you all orders,” she stated, her tone hard and face expressionless. At her words they all straightened up slightly, though for a moment none of them moved anymore than that. Finally Quint did, taking a single step forward and then raising his hand to his forehead in a silent salute. Everyone but Ryder followed the motion, and for a moment they all stood there, their gazes unwavering from either Lexa or Ryder. Lexa didn't look at them, but she could see the tears falling down Artigas's face as well as Marques's, and she knew if she looked around she would see the tears in everyone else's eyes. She didn't look though because she was having a hard enough time keeping her own emotions in check. Instead she just nodded, and then they all dropped the salute and after another short moment Quint turned away and began walking again, the others slowly following along behind him. A few moments later and the only two remaining were Lexa and Ryder.  
  
Ryder continued to stare at Lexa for another moment before he told her, “Heda, you should go with them. You do not need to be here.”  
  
“I will not leave any of my people behind. You are one of my people,” she stated, her tone even.  
  
“There is nothing you can do but die also,” he argued, even as he watched her remove her pack from her back and then place the gun that had been slung over her shoulder next to it on the ground. She didn't remove the sword strapped as always to her side, instead letting her hand rest on its hilt as she always did when she needed to keep her emotions in check.  
  
“We do not know that,” she replied, her eyes moving from his face down to his feet, trying to get the best idea she could of just exactly what their situation was. She moved closer to him, still leaving a couple of feet between them, and then knelt down, placing her head just above the ground so that she might be able to see beneath his large boot. She felt more than saw him tense up, for which she was grateful. One wrong move from him and the IED would go off, and this close with her face directly towards it, there would be no way she would survive the blast. Ryder clearly knew that and went silent as she did what she needed to do, though she could practically feel his glare through the back of her skull.  
  
The boot was too big to get a particularly good look, but from what she could see it was a small devise, probably with some sort of pressure detonator. The size of it made her a bit more hopeful, even though she knew the truth was that even a small device could have a large blast radius. At this moment Lexa felt like a little hope could only be a good thing, and so allowed herself to feel it. Finally she stood back up and once again put more distance between herself and Ryder, too his obvious relief. Her thoughts were flying around in her head, even as she knew what she had to do. Ryder clearly saw her determined look and tried once again to talk her out of whatever crazy plan she was concocting.  
  
“Heda, please, walk away now,” he called out, and she was a bit surprised to hear the plea in his tone. Never had she heard it before. “Whatever you are planning, stop. Go back to Polis. You do not need to die too.”  
  
“I will not leave you, Ryder,” Lexa replied, a slight growl in her voice. He should know by now that she couldn't leave one of her own behind.  
  
He didn't give up though.  
  
“Heda, stop this. You have someone to live for. You're supposed to go back to your girl,” he told her, and it was at this that Lexa paused, her eyes closing.  
  
Clarke. She'd already thought about her of course, but Ryder bringing her up only brought the thoughts to the forefront of her mind. She was breaking every promise she had made to her. Over and over again, always against her better judgment, Lexa had promised that she would return to her. She had promised to come home. Now Lexa was breaking those promises, and actively breaking them, as she knew the likelihood of her survival in this moment was about as minimal as it could get.  
  
She would be crushed. Devastated. Clarke had told her what had happened to her when she had thought Lexa might have been the one killed. Octavia had told her explicitly that Clarke wouldn't be able to get over it if anything happened to her. She had seen Clarke's tears, seen her fears and worries and could only imagine what would happen to the blonde when she received the news that Lexa had gone and gotten herself blown up. She would completely fall apart.  
  
But someday she would put herself back together. Clarke was strong, stronger than either Octavia or even the blonde gave herself credit for. She was fierce, a warrior in her own right, and though this would break her, inevitably she would put herself back together. Lexa despised thinking about the pain she would suffer through first, but eventually she would be okay. And she would understand. Not at first. God no, not at first. At first she would hate Lexa. Hate her for breaking her promise, hate her for leaving her, hate her for making this decision. She would hate her, but then eventually she would understand. She knew Lexa, in most ways better than anyone else did. She knew that Lexa would never be able to turn her back on someone who needed her, especially not when it was Lexa's responsibility to protect them. Lexa had done everything she could to save Fio and she had failed. She had managed to save Tony, but it had been a close call and there were countless more she hadn't been able to save. She couldn't walk away when there was a chance she could save Ryder. She couldn't. Even if that chance was so small that it barely existed, she couldn't do that, and Clarke would understand. Eventually. So finally she opened her eyes once again, the determined look in them even stronger than it had been before.  
  
She walked past her pack and gun, leaving them on the ground as she put more distance between herself and Ryder. Ryder watched her move, not even bothering to hope that she had given up on whatever foolish idea she had. He knew her and as much as he wished she would leave him, he also knew that she couldn't. She just didn't have that in her.  
  
Finally she stopped, having put a few dozen yards between them.  
  
“Be ready to jump back as far as you possibly can,” she called to him as she bounced on her toes, a nervous energy buzzing through her that seemed to wake up all of her muscles.  
  
“This is stupid, Heda,” he spat, though he felt his own muscles tense in response. “Just stupid.”  
  
She couldn't disagree: it definitely wasn't one of the better ideas she had ever had. In order to pull this off, she was going to have to be faster, stronger and luckier than she had ever been before in her life. Ryder was a solid man: moving him would be hard enough, but managing to move him fast enough and far enough away that the blast wouldn't hit either of them was so impossible it would be almost laughable if failure to do so didn't mean both of them dying a very violent death. Dammit though, she was going to try.  
  
She licked her lips, though the motion was pointless as both her lips and tongue had gone dry. Her heart beat crazily in her chest, fear gripping her. She wouldn't let the fear stop her though: she had never let fear stop her before and now would not be the one time she would remember letting it do so. She refused. She let out a long, deep breath, and then with one more thought of Clarke, she took off, the muscles in her legs screaming as she burst forward. The distance between her and Ryder closed quickly, and it was both the fastest and longest run she had ever made, even if it was only a few dozen yards. Suddenly she ran directly into the man in her path, her arms closing around him just as she felt the muscles in his own legs do their part, and between the momentum from her run and the strength of his legs, they were suddenly flying through the air.  
  
Less than a second later she felt the blast against her back, its heat and intensity unbearable.

***

_Then_

As Clarke looked around the dance studio, she frowned. Her campers all shuffled past her, most of them heading right to the ballet bar along the far wall to start their stretches, but Clarke simply stood where she was, her eyes making another sweep of the room. This was not right: it was Thursday, which meant that her campers had dance right after the rest period, which normally meant she got to see Lexa just for a minute before she had to head down to the beach. She'd been looking forward to this moment all morning. She hadn't been able to even really just see Lexa since the previous afternoon, so just this quick moment had been what had driven her throughout the day. But now here she was, standing in the dance studio, and Lexa was no where to be found. Something was not right at all.  
  
She walked over to Beth, the second dance instructor who also stood at the ballet bar, smiling at the girls as they began their stretches. Seeing the blonde, Beth turned to her, giving her a smile. Clarke returned the smile as asked, “Hey Beth. Where's Lexa?”  
  
Beth shrugged as she lifted one leg up, resting her heel nonchalantly on the ballet bar. Clarke watched her bend down, a little envious; if she tried to do that, there would be no way she would be able to get so low.  
  
“Not sure,” Beth replied, the side of her head now resting on her leg as she continued to look at the blonde. “She took the day off for some reason. I guess it's the only day she took off for the entire summer. She didn't really say why though.”  
  
“Oh,” Clarke said, her eyebrows pulling down further as her frown deepened. She bit her lip and then almost subconsciously touched her stomach, wincing slightly. Beth noticed the motion and stood back up, a worried look now on her face as well.  
  
“You okay?” she asked, eyeing the blonde, and Clarke tried to force a reassuring smile.  
  
“Oh, yeah, I'm fine,” she replied quickly, and then added as an after thought, “Well, not exactly fine, I guess. I don't know, my stomach's been kinda off today. I was hoping I'd feel better after the rest period, but no such luck.”  
  
“Maybe you should keep resting,” Beth advised as she put her other leg up and repeated the stretch. “If you're not feeling well you probably shouldn't be teaching swim lessons.”  
  
“Maybe you're right,” the blonde slowly agreed. “I'll see if Kate can cover for me this afternoon. Thanks.”  
  
Beth just nodded, shooting her a quick smile before she turned to the campers and called out, “Alright ladies, you ready to do some dancing?”  
  
As her campers cheered their agreement, Clarke quickly walked back to the doorway and exited the studio, leaving the dance class behind. As she walked she pulled out her cell phone, quickly shooting Kate a text even as she started towards the beach. Her pretend illness would never have been able to trick her mother: as a doctor, Abby Griffin had never been fooled by a fake case of a stomach bug, but apparently her acting skills were enough to trick Beth. As she reached the beach she made sure the frown was still on her face, her hand on her stomach. She motioned to Janet, the other lifeguard on duty, who finished talking with a couple of campers and then made her way over to the blonde and with the way she was looking Clarke up and down, Clarke knew that she was already falling for it too.  
  
“Hey Clarke,” Janet said in way of greeting, “Are you okay? You don't look so good.”  
  
“I don't feel so good,” Clarke replied, giving her a half-hearted shrug. “My stomach's feeling kind of weird. I was hoping it would go away with the rest period, but no such luck. I just texted Kate to see if she can cover for me this afternoon. Does that work for you?”  
  
“Yeah, of course,” Janet said quickly, giving her a reassuring smile. “Whatever you need.”  
  
Clarke thanked her just as she felt her cell phone buzz in her pocket. Checking it, she found a hasty reply from Kate telling her she'd be at the beach in ten minutes. The blonde sent her a text with about five “thank you's,” and then waited at the beach until Kate showed up, knowing she needed to stay until her replacement arrived. Finally she did, and with another thank you and a huge smile of gratitude, Clarke took off, seemingly back to her cabin and rest.  
  
She didn't go to her cabin. Instead she walked right by the cabins, continuing down what had quickly become a very familiar path to her. Over the past couple of weeks she and the brunette had made their way down this path as often as they could, usually at night, when they could have a little alone time together. If Lexa had taken the day off, then Clarke had a pretty good idea she'd find her at the end of the path.  
  
Sure enough, as Clarke stepped through the tall grass into their clearing, there was Lexa, sitting on their rock, looking out at the water. Her back was to Clarke, but as the blonde stepped closer she saw that the brunette had her knees pulled up to her chest, her chin resting on them. Seeing her, Clarke couldn't help but smile.  
  
“You know, if you'd told me you were playing hooky, I coulda planned to do the same thing,” she joked as she began making her way over to the rock. “Though I gotta say, I never would have pegged you for a hooky player. Guess there's still a lot more about you I have to learn.”  
  
“Go away Clarke,” was all Lexa said in reply, her voice quiet but firm as she continued to simply look out over the water. “Please.”  
  
The blonde paused at her words, the smile falling from her face to be replaced with a concerned frown. She'd never heard Lexa speak in that tone before. Plus her words weren't exactly positive.  
  
“Wow that was... direct,” the blonde said, but rather than turn around she just took the few more steps to close the space between them, standing next to the rock and looking down at the brunette. “It's almost as if you don't want me here or something.” Lexa didn't reply and still didn't even bother to look at her. Trying to control the sudden rapidness of her heartbeat, Clarke asked quietly, “Did I do something wrong?” She tried to keep the panic out of her voice, but wasn't sure she was entirely successful.  
  
Lexa merely closed her eyes and took a long breath, and once again Clarke couldn't help but wonder just what the heck was going on. Finally the brunette's eyes opened, still staring straight ahead as she replied just as quietly, “I am simply not in the mood to play this game with you today. Please leave me alone.”  
  
Clarke felt a pang of guilt and hurt spike in her gut, but she refused to let Lexa's words get to her. Instead she paused for a moment before saying, “Alright, I'll leave, but first you have to answer one question for me.”  
  
She could see Lexa let out a silent sigh and once again she had to force herself not to let it get to her. Lexa was clearly upset about something: she probably didn't mean to be acting so... cold.  
  
“What is your question, Clarke?” she finally replied, her tone not changing from its controlled indifference. Clarke waited another moment and then told her, “If you really wanted to be alone, if you really didn't want me to find you, why'd you come here?”  
  
Lexa didn't have an answer for that and she didn't even try to make one up. Instead she simply continued to keep looking ahead of her, trying to ignore Clarke's eyes on her. The silence was enough of an answer for the blonde, and carefully she sat down next to the other girl, her body still turned towards her, her eyes never leaving Lexa. She studied the brunette for a long moment before she asked softly, “Lexa, what's wrong?”  
  
Lexa felt the lump forming in her throat and swallowed hard, trying to force it away. She could feel the wetness pooling in the corners of her eyes but did her best to ignore that as well. Her jaw locked for a moment, feeling Clarke's eyes studying her, but then she finally answered quietly, “Today is the anniversary of my mother's death.”  
  
“Oh Lexa... I'm sorry,” Clarke said, the worry all too clear in her voice. She reached forward to rest a hand against the brunette's shoulder, but Lexa shrugged it away, still avoiding looking at her.  
  
Clarke didn't really know what to do. She'd never seen Lexa upset about anything before, not like this, and she really didn't know her well enough to know how to comfort her. She knew how to comfort every one of her friends. To comfort Octavia, she just had to get her to laugh. Raven required a small amount of sass and cajoling to get her out of a funk. Bellamy just needed someone to listen to him vent, as did Finn. Jasper and Monty were the kind of people that just needed a good solid hug to make them feel better, and Wells just needed someone to sit with him when he was upset, to share the silence. But Lexa she didn't know well enough yet to know which form of comfort she needed. Looking at her, Clarke was fairly sure it wasn't joking or teasing; she didn't look like anything would be able to make her laugh at the moment, and considering the situation, that wasn't at all surprising, nor was it a bad thing. She claimed she wanted to be alone, but she had come here, to the first place she had to have known Clarke would look for her. Even if she had done it subconsciously, that had to mean she actually wanted Clarke there. Right? It made enough sense to Clarke that she had no plan of leaving, even if Lexa had told her to go. And with the way she hadn't even looked at the blonde yet, Clarke didn't think she had any plans on talking it out. But then, maybe she just needed a nudge to get started.  
  
“Can I... Can I ask what happened to her?” the blonde asked, her tone soft.  
  
Clarke could tell from the movement of the brunette's jaw that she was clenching her teeth together, but finally she answered matter-of-factly, “She was a Marine. She died in the line of duty when I was seven.”  
  
“Oh wow that's... that's awful,” Clarke breathed, her sorrow for the other girl clear.  
  
Lexa did not turn away from the lake as she merely stated, “It is what it is.”  
  
Clarke could see the cold, hard demeanor Lexa was trying to put on, but she could also see past it. She saw the dampness in the brunette's eyes, saw the tenseness of her shoulders and the set of her jaw. She saw the way the brunette's fingers clutched at her arms where they were folded before her and the way her chin pressed roughly against her knees. She tried to act as though none of it effected her, but Clarke could easily see just how much pain the other girl was in. She wanted to reach forward again, wanted to offer some sort of comfort, but she didn't know how to do so in a way that Lexa would accept. She had already shrugged away from her touch, had already told her to leave. She clearly did not want the physical contact, and that much Clarke could do, but she couldn't leave, not while she was clearly hurting so much. She pulled her own knees up to her chest and then rested her head against them, eyes still on the brunette.  
  
“Will you tell me about her?” she asked, and Lexa could hear the hope in her voice as well as the worry. Again the brunette closed her eyes. She didn't want to: just thinking about her mother caused her insides to ache. Talking about her made her throat raw, made her chest hurt and her heart wail. She hated talking about it, hated going into anything that had to do with her mother, but the tone of the blonde's voice pulled at her. From the corners of her eyes she had seen the way the blonde was looking at her, with care and worry and sorrow, and while she hated that look from everyone else, in the blonde's eyes she felt like she could simply get lost in it. Her throat burned and she could feel the tears slipping from between her closed eyelids, but finally she allowed herself to talk.  
  
“She was my hero,” she began, voice hoarse, but as she spoke her tone got stronger, if not any louder, and she could feel Clarke lean towards her, taking in every word she had to say. She opened her eyes, still unable to look at the blonde, but her words began to flow just as freely as her tears fell, and for the first time in many years, she talked about her mother, and all that she had meant to her. 

***

_Now_

Regaining consciousness felt like swimming to the surface of some deep body of water. The light was there and it was visible for a long period of time before she finally reached it, making her chest ache with the delayed promise of relief. With every stroke she believed both that she had to be about to break to the surface and that if she didn't her lungs would finally give out on her. The darkness around her faded but she could feel herself slipping back into it with every moment that drifted by, but she knew she had to fight it, had to make her way back into the light or risk losing everything she cared about. So she fought. She fought, just as she was always fighting, and finally she felt herself coming to, her mind and body waking up after what felt like a very long period of time.  
  
As she came to she clenched her jaw, noticing two things. The first: every war movie ever had gotten the sound following an explosion right. Her ears rang, the ring dulling every other sound around her as though she were once again beneath water. The second: her right shoulder screamed in agony and she had to grit her teeth together even harder to keep herself from letting any noise out. She pushed herself up with her left arm, wincing as her entire body protested against the movement, but none of those aches compared to the sharp pain pulsing from her shoulder. She could tell she had popped it out of place, either due to the explosion or the fall that resulted from the explosion and she simply clenched her jaw harder as she quickly popped it back into place, letting out a hiss from the pain as she did so. Even once it was securely back in place her arm continued to throb, but the pain was manageable at least now. As soon as that was taken care of she took a quick inventory, surprised to find that other than a number of cuts, scrapes and bruises, she had no other serious injuries. She let out a surprised laugh at the discovery, and then winced again before gingerly touching her forehead. She had been wrong; now that she was aware of it, she felt the egg-sized bump on the side of her forehead, and when she drew her fingers away from it she saw the little bit of blood sticking to the pads of her fingers. Still, even with the minor head injury, she had come off lucky, considering she'd ran directly at a bomb.  
  
Slowly Lexa stood up, wincing again as her body protested against any kind of movement, and then she started to become more aware of her surroundings, her ears still ringing loudly. It was probably due to the loud ringing that she hadn't noticed the sound before, but now that she was up and looking around, Lexa's thoughts about her own injuries fled as her eyes took in the sight before her just as her ears registered the screaming. A few yards away, somehow thrown away from her during the explosion, Ryder lay on the ground, his hands dark red as they clutched at what remained of his left leg. The leg was in tatters, flesh peeled back like fabric in some places, bone visible in others. Seeing the bloody mess Lexa nearly vomited, but managed to hold it down.  
  
Without anymore thoughts on herself or her own injuries, Lexa ran over to her teammate, throwing herself to the ground beside him. She quickly ripped her jacket off, using the fabric to try to control the gushing wound in front of her. The cold air hit her bare skin, now with just a tank top covering her, but still she could feel the sweat running down her back, the situation far over-powering the cold. She spoke as she moved, trying to comfort the man lying in front of her, but she couldn't tell if Ryder could hear her words. She could barely hear them due to the ringing, so she found it hard to believe that he could hear them.  
  
His screams terrified her. His jaw was locked together, teeth clearly clenched as tightly as they could possibly be with his lips closed shut, and yet his screams were still audible even over the ringing in her ears. His fingers clutched his leg, his eyes going from staring at what was no longer a whole limb to closing tightly, and Lexa had a hard time keeping her own eyes from darting back and forth from his face to his leg. Her own hands were now covered with his blood, her jacket doing little to stop the flow but she didn't dare to pull it away.  
  
“Hey, you're alright,” she yelled, her heart beating in her throat, “Look at me Ryder, you're alright. You're fine. It's just a scratch.”  
  
His screams had stopped as she spoke, but his breathing remained heavy, panting from the pain and shock.  
  
“You'd make... a terrible doctor,” he replied, his teeth still clenched, but at least he was talking. That was good, and she needed him to keep doing so. If he passed out on her, she didn't know if she'd be able to do anything more for him, and after all she'd gone through there was no way she was about to let him die now.  
  
So she just gave him a grin as she pressed the jacket against his flesh even harder, telling him, “Yeah, why do you think I didn't go to medical school? Glad I didn't though; this is much more fun, don't you think?”  
  
He groaned, closing his eyes once again, but informed her, “We have... different definitions... of fun.”  
  
She continued to grin at him, trying to distract him as best as she could, even as her eyes quickly took in the rest of him, needing to see how else he might be injured. It looked like he had a pretty severe burn on his right hip, undoubtedly from the explosion. He too had a head wound, but it bled sluggishly and his bump didn't appear to be as big as the one on her own forehead, so that at least was something she didn't feel she needed to worry about just then. Other than a number of major cuts all over, all of which were turning his own uniform a dark brown between the blood and the dirt, those seemed to be the extent of his injuries. It could be worse. She knew that he could have internal injuries that she couldn't see, knew that even if he didn't, the amount of blood he was losing meant his life was severely in danger and that at any moment now he could pass out on her from shock, and that even if he didn't, she had no way of getting him back to Polis as there was no way she could possibly carry him and he certainly wasn't going to be walking back. But still, it could be worse.  
  
And then it got worse because that's just the kind of shit day she was having. 

***

_Then_

“Look, there's one!”  
  
Clarke's free hand shot up, finger pointing to the sky at the star currently shooting across it. Her other hand remained wrapped around the fingers entwined in her own, making no indication of moving any time soon. Her head fell to the side so that she could see the smile on Lexa's face as she watched the star shoot across the night sky, and she couldn't help but feel her own smile grow at the sight. Watching the shooting stars was beautiful; watching Lexa watch the shooting stars was infinitely better.  
  
They'd been told about the meteor shower a couple of weeks ago at a meeting most of the junior counselors had had with the senior counselors. The senior counselors had told them that they would be taking all the campers on a field trip the night of the meteor shower, taking them to a higher vantage point to watch the stars flying through the sky. They had informed the junior counselors that many of the other staff members were going to be going with them as chaperones, which meant that all of the junior counselors had the night off. Which, of course, meant that at the current moment a party was going on down at the beach, now that the many teenagers had no campers to be responsible for nor any adult supervision. Two days ago Michael had asked her if she was going to the party, and then been more direct and asked her to go to the party with him. She had seen the hope in his eyes, the slightly cocky grin on his lips that had at one point drawn her to him, but she had turned him down, giving him some lie as to why she wasn't going. She didn't remember the lie at the moment because she wasn't thinking of Michael. She wasn't thinking about Michael, or Naomi or Renee, or Octavia or Raven or Bellamy or Wells. She wasn't thinking about anyone other than the brunette laying beside her whose fingers were still wrapped around her own and whose eyes were brighter than all of the stars shooting across the sky. She hadn't been thinking about anyone other than Lexa for days.  
  
The party had been planned pretty much since the moment the senior counselors had told them all that they were going to be having the night off, so when Clarke asked Lexa if she wanted to meet up here to watch the meteor shower, the surprise had been evident on the brunette's face. But then, so had her relief. She had had no desire to go to a party, but she had been sure that Clarke had planned on going and so had been seriously considering it anyway. When the blonde had presented this idea instead she had been both relieved and excited and maybe even a little bit smug on the inside. After all, the blonde was choosing to spend her evening alone with Lexa, rather than with Michael in a crowd. How could she not feel just a little bit smug at that?  
  
Clarke had prepared too. Lexa had expected them to show up to their spot and just lay in the grass to watch the shower, but Clarke had come down earlier by herself and spread a large blanket down for them to lay on, thick enough that the condensation from the grass as the night wore on couldn't get through to them. She had even managed to snag them a bag of chips to munch on, but currently the bag laid off to the side, unopened, as neither of them had felt like letting go of the others hand to open it. They were much too content laying their, sweatshirts beneath their heads acting like pillows, thumbs brushing across the back of the others hand as they watched the night sky to even think about moving to do anything else. Well, Lexa was watching the night sky. Clarke's head was still turned, her own gaze still stuck on the brunette's face, soaking in every detail.  
  
Her eyes were bright as they darted back and forth, trying to take in the entire expanse of the sky above them all at once. Her lips were turned up in an easy smile, the kind of smile Clarke had only seen on them a few times. She was calm, happy, and the most beautiful thing that the blonde had ever seen.  
  
“You're beautiful you know,” she finally murmured softly, her eyes still on the brunette's face.  
  
Lexa turned and met her gaze, her smile turning almost shy at the blonde's words.  
  
“You are beautiful,” she answered, her eyes now taking in every detail of the blonde beside her, and it was if she completely forgot about the meteor shower going on above her. She had absolutely no desire to look anywhere else.  
  
Clarke returned the shy smile, and then suddenly she pulled her bottom lip between her teeth, her eyebrows falling down into a small frown. Lexa's eyes mirrored the look, concern suddenly flooding through her as Clarke rolled over onto her stomach, elbows propping her up even as she continued to hold the brunette's hand. She looked down at their conjoined fingers and brought her free hand down as well, the hand playing almost nervously with Lexa's fingers held between her own. She remained quiet for a moment, seemingly lost in her thoughts, and Lexa didn't try to speak up, even as her worry for the blonde increased. She could tell Clarke was trying to get her thoughts in order, and so gave her the quiet to do so.  
  
Finally she spoke up, saying quietly, “You were wrong the other day.” Lexa's frown increased, but before she could ask any questions Clarke continued. “When you said you weren't in the mood to play this game with me. You were wrong. This isn't a game to me, Lexa.” At that she looked up, meeting Lexa's eyes, and the brunette could see the fear and resolve in her eyes. She remained quiet as Clarke continued, letting her get out all of the words she clearly needed to say. “I get how you could think it's a game to me, but it isn't. And I'm, I'm really sorry I made you think that it is a game. It isn't. You're not, not just some fun that I'm having to blow off some steam, or some experiment I figured would make my summer go by faster. Michael was. He was supposed to be the one that made this summer not feel so long, was supposed to be my entertainment while here. Which is wrong, I know, and probably makes me a horrible person for thinking about him that way, but it doesn't matter because I don't really think about him anymore. Ever, really.” Lexa watched a corner of the blonde's mouth quirk up into a small smile. “You're the one I think about, Lexa. All the time. And I don't know why, I don't know what it is about you that, that's got me so, so hooked, but I am. You've... kinda taken over. In my head, I mean. You're just...” she trailed off and then let out a little laugh before finishing, “Really distracting.” Lexa echoed her laugh, her heart feeling like it was about to explode in her chest from her giddiness. She didn't think she'd ever been giddy before, but Clarke brought it out in her.  
  
And then Clarke's lip was back between her teeth and her brow was once again creased into a frown, her eyes dropping to where their hands remained connected. Lexa continued to watch her as she began speaking again.  
  
“I do really like you Lexa, a lot, but... but I'm not ready,” the blonde murmured quietly, and Lexa was pretty sure she could hear the fear in her voice again. “I'm not ready to, to tell people. About me. I'm not, not ready to admit, admit that I'm, I'm... who I am, I guess.” She shook her head, her eyes closing momentarily before they opened and once again found Lexa's gaze. Her green eyes were bright, watching her, and all Clarke saw in them was understanding. Acceptance. She hadn't known how Lexa would feel about this, but now she saw it: she understood. Just that little realization took some of the weight off that had been pressing against her chest, making it hard to breathe. She licked her lips, feeling her heart race as she said, “I'm not ready to admit it to anyone else. I don't know why; I'm just not. I don't, can't tell my parents yet, or my friends, or anyone. Except for you. I can tell you.” The word, the truth stuck to her tongue and she could feel it weighing heavy in her mouth. She'd never said it before, barely even allowed herself to think it, but now it was on her lips and she had to get it out. She could do that with Lexa. She owed it to Lexa, owed it to her, but she also felt safe with her, felt like she could say it without having to worry about how Lexa would take it. Part of that was because of what they had been doing and the fact that Lexa already knew the truth because of it. A larger part of it was because she felt safe with Lexa in a way she had never felt with another person before. It wasn't the kind of safety she felt with her parents or her other friends. It wasn't the kind of safety she'd felt with any of her previous relationships; it was entirely new, a new kind of safety more comforting than her favorite blanket or her mother's arms. She didn't know anything more about it other than she just felt it, couldn't describe it any better than that, but she didn't have to because as she looked into Lexa's eyes she saw the feeling reflected back at her. That was all she needed to be able to say the word she had never allowed herself to say before.  
  
“I'm... I'm bisexual, Lexa. I'm bisexual, and I really, really like you.”  
  
For a moment, Lexa didn't say anything, letting Clarke's words settle around them. Then she pushed herself up on one elbow, turning towards the blonde and met her eyes, the little smile on her lips once again even as her eyes scanned Clarke's face, seeing the spark of fear still in her blue eyes. Her grip on the other girl's fingers tightened as she replied quietly, “I really, really like you too, Clarke.”  
  
The fear was replaced by shock and then a large grin broke out on the blonde's face which only made Lexa's smile grow. She had thought it had been obvious how she felt for her, but clearly Clarke had needed to hear the words just as much as Lexa had needed to hear them. Her smile was wiped off her face as Clarke quickly leaned forward, engulfing the brunette's lips with her own and then both of their eyes closed, falling into the sensation of kissing each other.  
  
It started out frenzied, both girls' excitement from the revelations spurring them on, but then at some point the kiss changed, slowing down and deepening and they fell into that deepness, that sense of connection just as easily as they had fallen into the frenzied kiss a moment earlier. They kissed, long and slow and with such care that neither of them even noticed the time going by at all. They could only remain in that position for so long before Lexa's neck began to hurt however, and the moment it did, instead of letting the brunette pull away Clarke just moved, following Lexa as she laid back down on the blanket until she was hovering over her, Lexa's waist between her legs. She captured the brunette's lips once again and sighed as she felt Lexa's fingers against her cheeks, holding her close. Her own hands were on the blanket on either side of Lexa's head, holding herself up, but the rest of her pressed against the body beneath her and she could feel her skin tingle. Especially when Lexa's hands fell from her head and down to her sides, gripping her tightly and pulling her body so as to close any gaps that might still be between them. Her fingers curled around the blanket and her throat went dry, her entire body reacting to Lexa's touch. She could easily see where this was going, and to her own surprise she wanted it. More than just about anything.  
  
Before it could go any further however, she pulled her lips away from Lexa's, earning a small scowl in response. She grinned and then kissed her again, leaving a quick peck on those scowling lips.  
  
“I didn't plan on this,” she murmured, her lips so close to Lexa's cheek that the brunette could feel her breath on her cheek. “Just so you know. None of this was a plan to get you to sleep with me.”  
  
“What if I want to sleep with you?” Lexa asked, a tone in her voice that Clarke had never heard before but that made her cheeks turn a light shade of pink. Lexa noticed and grinned before placing a gentle kiss to one of them.  
  
Clarke tried to swallow, but the motion got stuck in her throat as her mouth had gone completely dry. To make up for it, she licked her lips and watched as Lexa's eyes were drawn to the motion, following the sweep of the blonde's tongue. The look did nothing to help with Clarke's dry throat.  
  
“Then I would have to say that I am really, really lucky, because I want to sleep with you too,” Clarke replied, and Lexa looked up at her through her long eyelashes, meeting her eyes, and Clarke tried to swallow again. Still no luck.  
  
“I think I am the lucky one,” Lexa murmured, and then picked her head up enough so that she could drag her lips lightly against the blonde's neck, making Clarke shiver beneath the actions of her lips and tongue. She could easily argue with the brunette in that no, she was _definitely_ the lucky one, but there were more important things to do in that moment than argue, and as Lexa's lips trailed down and sucked lightly at her clavicle, she was reminded just exactly what those important things were. The reminder was even more powerful when she felt Lexa's fingers slip beneath the fabric of her t-shirt, fingertips trailing lightly up her side and leaving goosebumps in their wake. Clarke had to close her eyes and bite her lip to keep the small whimper from escaping the back of her throat, and she could feel that spot between her legs react to the touch, suddenly burning for those fingers to relieve the pressure that had begun to build between them. She wasn't ready for that yet, however, and so as she felt Lexa's fingernails drag lightly against her sides, she spoke up.  
  
“Lexa I, I haven't, haven't ever been with a girl before,” she said quietly, the uncertainty clear in her voice and so the brunette immediately stopped her actions, pulling her lips away from Clarke's clavicle and stilling the motion of her finger.  
  
“It is alright Clarke, we can take it slow,” she answered softly, giving her a small, reassuring smile. “We will do nothing that you do not wish to do.”  
  
Clarke shook her head quickly, assuring her, “No no, it's not that, I want to do this. Like, I really want to do this. But um... Could I... Could I touch you? First, I mean?”  
  
Now it was Lexa's turn to have a difficult time swallowing, but the smile never fell from her lips as she nodded slowly. Clarke returned the nod, her heart beating wildly in her chest now that she specifically had permission, and then she leaned down and placed a soft kiss to the brunette's lips, their eyes closing once again. The kiss only lasted a moment this time, and then it was Clarke's lips that trailed down Lexa's neck, sucking gently at the skin as she moved, taking her time to appreciate Lexa's long, beautiful neck. Lexa's fingers remained on Clarke's sides, but they were no longer moving, now holding a tight grip to her skin as her own body reacted to Clarke's actions. Eventually her lips had moved all the way down the brunette's neck and had paid attention to Lexa's clavicle in the same manner Lexa had paid attention to her own, and then her lips were brushing against the fabric of the other girl's t-shirt. She pulled back slightly, meeting Lexa's eyes as her fingers moved to the hem of her shirt and in seeing the permission in those shining green eyes, she hesitantly pulled the shirt up. Lexa sat up, making it easier for her, and suddenly the shirt was off and lying on the blanket next to them and the brunette was once again laying before her, her tan skin glowing in the moonlight. She'd seen Lexa in a bathing suit multiple times that summer and had always appreciated the look before, but lying there between Clarke's legs, her skin glowing and hair splayed out around her head, Clarke realized she had never appreciated Lexa's beauty enough before. She had absolutely no problem making up for that tonight.  
  
Her eyes roamed over Lexa's body, taking in every detail. Lexa watched her, trying to control her heart beat as she saw the look of almost awe appear in the blonde's eyes. “Beautiful,” she heard the blonde whisper, “Absolutely beautiful,” and then Clarke had leaned down once again and Lexa felt her lips against her sternum, kissing the skin lightly. As the lips brushed over her skin Lexa's fingers on the blonde's sides tightened and she had to try not to move beneath the other girl, the pressure between her legs building with every move of the blonde's lips and touch of her fingers as Clarke's fingers began to trail up her sides now. She shivered and closed her eyes, sinking in the feelings Clarke was bringing so easily to the surface.  
  
And then Clarke's lips were brushing along the cup of her bra, and Lexa could feel her nipples hardening without even having direct contact. She licked her lips and swallowed hard, and then she felt Clarke's head tilt up slightly, her lips not moving, and Lexa opened her eyes and looked down her body to find blue eyes staring up at her. She met the look and then had to lick her lips again as she felt a hand slithering beneath her back. She sat up just slightly, and then the hook of her bra came undone and Clarke was nervously pulling at the material of the bra, finally removing it from Lexa's body. Again Lexa watched as the awed look appeared in Clarke's eyes and she saw Clarke's throat work, clearly having to swallow also as she almost shyly took in the sight before her. Lexa didn't rush her, just let her look, but she couldn't help but let out a little sigh of relief when the blonde finally bent back down, fingers tentatively moving to her chest and fingertips almost ghosting over her nipples. The barely existent touch had an immediate reaction, and Clarke felt the nipples harden further under her touch. With a little more pressure she repeated the action, gaining a little more confidence with each movement until she was rubbing small circles over both buds. The little noises coming from Lexa's throat only made her confidence grow more, and then she was leaning over even further, gently pressing her lips to one of the hardened nubs. She heard the sharp intake of air from the brunette, and then she was lightly sucking on the nipple and Lexa's grip on her sides was tightening even further.  
  
The longer Clarke spent giving her attention to Lexa's chest, the deeper the ache grew between the brunette's legs. She was trying hard to ignore it, wanting to let Clarke move at her own pace, not wanting to rush her at all, but the ache was becoming increasingly harder to ignore. Almost subconsciously she felt her thighs rub together, and Clarke must have felt the movement too, because suddenly her mouth stopped moving against Lexa's chest, and then she pulled back, her eyes trailing down Lexa's stomach to the hem of her pants. She shuffled above Lexa, moving so that she was sitting a bit farther down the brunette's body, but her eyes didn't stop staring at her pants. Her hands hesitantly moved down Lexa's stomach, brushing lightly across her skin and making her shiver, but then they stilled, and Lexa could easily see how nervous the blonde was.  
  
Gently, Lexa moved her own hands to Clarke's, covering them, and Clarke looked up at her, meeting her eyes. Without breaking the eye contact, Lexa slowly guided one of the blonde's hands down further, slipping it along with her own hand beneath the hem of her jeans and the band of her underwear. She saw Clarke swallow again, and she continued to guide her hand down, moving slowly so that the blonde could pull away if she wanted to. She didn't though, and then Lexa gently pressed the blonde's hand against her sex, taking in a sharp breath as soon as she felt Clarke's hand against her. She removed her own hand, but Clarke's remained where it was, feeling the heat from Lexa pressing against her palm.  
  
After a moment, Clarke let one finger slip through the brunette's slit, and she closed her eyes, nearly moaning herself as she realized how wet the other girl was. Her finger moved up, until it accidentally hit against Lexa's clitoris, and then it was the brunette moaning quietly, and all Clarke wanted was to hear that again. She brushed against the nub again, and then at Lexa's second moan she was pressing small circles against it and she only felt the wetness between Lexa's legs increase. She watched Lexa's body respond to her actions, watched her fingers curl around the blanket and her eyes close, and the response made her determined to get even more out of the brunette. With her free hand she unbuttoned and unzipped the jeans, giving her hand a little more freedom of movement, and then her fingers were slipping down, and slowly, oh so slowly, she was pushing two fingers inside of the brunette and the brunette was moaning again, this time just a bit louder. Clarke's own eyes closed as she felt Lexa's body draw her fingers in, her natural lubrication making the entrance easy, and then she was slowly thrusting the fingers in and out of the brunette, hoping that she was doing it right. She'd never touched another girl like this before, but she knew what she personally liked, and she used that knowledge and Lexa's reactions to determine the movement of her fingers. From the noises coming from the brunette's throat, she seemed to be enjoying herself immensely. Soon Clarke was curling her fingers inside the other girl, and Lexa's hips were pushing up against her hand, meeting all of her thrusts and trying to push the fingers in deeper. Clarke couldn't tear her eyes away from the brunette, drinking in the sight of Lexa before her, and then her thumb was rubbing against the brunette's clitoris while her fingers thrust deeper into her, and a few moments later she felt Lexa's muscles contracting around her fingers and watched as her body began to shake. Lexa's orgasm hit her hard, and Clarke enjoyed watching her ride it out, not bothering to remove her hand until she had finally stilled.  
  
As soon as she did, Lexa opened her eyes, immediately finding blue eyes staring back at her. She smiled up at the blonde and reached out, hand wrapping around her arm to pull her back up her body. Clarke followed the movement, and suddenly she was jerked down, lips coming into quick contact with Lexa's own, and she was receiving what could possibly have been the hottest kiss of her life. Finally Lexa pulled back, breaking the kiss, and murmured, “That was a very satisfying orgasm. Very, very satisfying.”  
  
Clarke let out a little laugh before she replied, “Hey, I do what I can.”  
  
Lexa met her laugh with a grin, and then Clarke watched as her eyes almost noticeably got darker before she nearly purred out, “May I return the favor now?” The blonde licked her lips, her throat dry and completely at a loss of words with the look Lexa was giving her, so she just nodded. Lexa's grin grew, and then she was gently rolling them over so that Clarke's back was now lying on the blanket and Lexa's thighs were on either side of her body. Again Lexa kissed her, hard and fast, and the kiss alone drove all manner of thought out of Clarke's head, unable to think of anything else. And then those lips were traveling down her neck again, leaving burning kisses as they traveled down. Her lips reached the end of Clarke's pale neck and then began raining kisses down Clarke's front, and even with her shirt still on the kisses turned Clarke's skin to fire. She almost expected Lexa to slow down, but suddenly the brunette seemed to be entirely impatient, unable to wait any longer as she simply moved down the blonde's body. Her lips pressed against Clarke's stomach where her shirt had ridden up, and Clarke felt the bottom drop out of her stomach at the contact, taking in a sharp breath to steady herself. Those lips kept moving, and as they moved down her body, so did Lexa, and she only stopped when her face was right at level with the hem of the blonde's jeans.  
  
Clarke gulped as Lexa's head tilted back up, meeting her eyes as she asked, “May I?” The blonde merely nodded quickly, and then she felt Lexa's deft fingers pulling at the button of her pants and then at the zipper, and then her jeans were being slid down her legs slowly, until they finally rested next to Lexa's shirt on the blanket. She watched Lexa's eyes widen as her pale legs were released from the confines of the jeans, drinking in the sight of them in the moonlight. Her fingers reached out and trailed along the outside of her thighs lightly, and Clarke couldn't help the shiver from running through her. She was pretty sure that Lexa felt it to, because the next moment Lexa's gaze turned up again, eyes meeting her own.  
  
“Tell me, Clarke,” she murmured quietly, the look on her face serious, “If at any point you wish for me to stop, all you need to do is tell me. I will stop immediately.”  
  
Her words made Clarke's stomach flutter, the genuine care in her voice meaning more to her than anything else at the moment. Lexa's words showed Clarke just how much she cared about her, worried about hurting her or pushing her too far, and it meant more to Clarke than she knew how to express.  
  
“I don't want you to stop, Lexa,” she replied quietly, showing Lexa just how much she meant it by the look in her eyes. “Please; I really, really don't want you to stop.”  
  
Lexa scanned her face for another moment, trying to read everything there, and then nodded. Carefully she reached forward, fingers slipping beneath the band of Clarke's panties, and then slowly she pulled them down the blonde's legs, letting them fall to the blanket. And then she looked at the sight beneath her, and all thoughts of anything other than the perfectness of this moment fled her.  
  
Gently she pushed Clarke's legs apart, taking in the sight of the blonde's arousal, and she felt Clarke's body shift, in embarrassment or shyness or anticipation, Lexa didn't know, but she slowly leaned forward, pressing soft kisses to the insides of her thighs. She heard Clarke's breath quicken, and then her lips were on the blonde's sex, and after just another moment her tongue slipped between the lips and she groaned as Clarke's taste finally hit her tongue. Clarke groaned as well, and then she felt the blonde's hips push forward against her mouth.  
  
For a few long moments, Lexa explored, her tongue moving to Clarke's clitoris and sucking lightly on the small bundle of nerves and then moving down until she got to the blonde's entrance. She teased her for a moment, not quite entering her but not moving away either, and when she heard Clarke's growl she smiled, only then allowing her tongue to push forward. Clarke moaned as she felt the tongue slip inside her, and suddenly her fingers were wrapped in Lexa's hair, holding her head in place as her hips moved against the brunette's face. Clarke was moaning, Lexa was very nearly moaning with the taste of Clarke coating her tongue, and then Lexa's lips moved back to Clarke's clitoris as her fingers moved in, entering the blonde quickly and wasting no time before they were thrusting and curling inside the blonde. Between the fingers working inside her and the tongue rubbing circles against her clit, Clarke stood no chance in holding out for long, and suddenly her moans were cut off with cries as she finally came undone, hips thrusting wildly against the other girl as her orgasm caused her to lose all control. Lexa slowed her movements as the blonde shook, only completely stopping them once she was still again, and only then did she pull her fingers out of the blonde and lean back, releasing the nub from between her lips. She sat back up, a satisfied smile on her lips that very nearly matched Clarke's own. She wiped her chin, wet with Clarke's juices, with her dry hand, and when Clarke noticed the movement her eyes were drawn to Lexa's chin, glistening in the moonlight, and she couldn't help but let out another small moan. Lexa's grin just grew, and she leaned forward, planning to kiss the blonde, but stopped about halfway up her body. She did not know how Clarke would feel, kissing her currently. She was fairly sure that there were people who did not enjoy being kissed after being eaten out, finding it weird to taste themselves on the other person's tongue.  
  
Clarke however did not seem to be one of those people as she whispered, “Kiss me, Lexa.”  
  
Lexa obliged quickly, closing the distance between them and pressing a long, sweet kiss against Clarke's lips and Clarke returned the kiss with equal fervor. They kissed, and when they pulled back they gazed into each others eyes and saw just how happy they both were that all of that had just happened. And then they did something neither were expecting to: they laughed. They laughed, one starting it with a little chuckle that they couldn't stop, the other quickly following suit, and then they were laughing, both giddy with all of the feelings suddenly flying between them. They laughed, and they cuddled together, each pulling a corner of the blanket up over them, turning into the other so that they could be as close as possible, their hearts both soaring far above them, completely lost in what it felt like to just be with the other.  
  
And it was all significant.  
  
It was significant because Clarke had never been with a girl before, but it was more significant because she was pretty sure she had never been with anyone she cared about this much or anyone who cared about her this much before. If she had been she couldn't think of who, but then, she wasn't thinking about anyone other than Lexa at the moment and the way Lexa made her heart beat in her chest and her breath get stuck in her throat and her head get all foggy and the way Lexa made her smile.  
  
And it was significant because Lexa hadn't touched anyone and certainly hadn't allowed anyone to touch her since Costia. She hadn't allowed her heart to soar or her stomach to turn into butterflies or her lips to tingle for two years, but now all of that and more had taken over, and all Lexa could do was smile as she held Clarke close to her and felt the blonde hold her back.  
  
And it was significant because they were Clarke and Lexa, and for possibly the first time in either of their lives they were one hundred percent completely comfortable to be themselves around someone else and not feel judged, or watched, or have something expected from them. They could be themselves without fear or worry or expectations, and that was significant.  
  
And it was significant because they were Clarke and Lexa, and they really, really liked each other.

***

_Now_

She didn't hear them: she couldn't hear much, the ringing in her ears still dulling everything else down. She just happened to look up from Ryder's leg and she saw them. There were seven of them, and they were advancing through the trees, staring right at the two Marines, triumphant grins on their faces. They must have heard the explosion and come to see what they had caught in their trap, and unfortunately for Lexa, their grins told her just how pleased they were with what they found. Their guns were hanging loosely in their grips and that was almost worse than if they'd had the sights set directly at the two Marines. It was clear, from their stances, hold on their guns and grin on their faces, that the Reapers planned on playing with them before killing them.  
  
She stilled, and Ryder must have noticed, because he too looked up, eyes widening when he also saw their enemy. He tried to push himself up and grimaced as the pain shot through him, but he ignored it, the adrenaline suddenly pumping through him dulling the pain just enough for him to focus completely on the situation. He felt his gun still strapped to his back but knew he had little chance of drawing it before any one of them shot him. Lexa's eyes quickly scanned the ground in front of her, but her own gun was no where to be found. It must have been blown even further away from her in the explosion, giving her no hope of reaching it in time for it to be of any help. By some miracle her sword remained strapped to her side, but as her eyes darted to each of her enemies' guns she couldn't help but feel that at the moment a sword didn't really mean much. Nevertheless she stood and drew it, figuring any kind of weapon was better than none. The action only made the grins on the Reapers' faces grow, especially when she moved to stand in front of the wounded man on the ground, putting her body between them and him.  
  
“Look at 'er boys,” one of the Reapers, a big man with more than one scar across his face, called out, his tone mocking. “She thinks she can take us all on with that sword of hers and save her friend.”  
  
“He's already dead, darlin',” another told her, his eyes darting to the man still on the ground and only sitting partially up. “Put down the sword and maybe we'll let you live at least.”  
  
“I think we can let 'er live,” the first Reaper agreed, his eyes roaming over her. “A pretty thing like her shouldn't die with a bullet in 'er belly. It'd be such a waste.”  
  
They all grinned at that, and Lexa could feel all of their eyes running over her just as she heard Ryder let out a warning growl behind her. She felt the chill run down her spine, but didn't allow it to show on her face, simply giving them her best neutral glare possible. She'd always known the reason the Reapers captured the women who survived their initial attack, and the thought had always enraged her. Now, with their gazes on her, the bottom dropped out of her stomach and the bile rose in her throat. It wouldn't happen though: she would die before she let them touch her. But if she was going to die, she was going to take at least a few of them with her. So rather than let their words break her as they thought they would, she stood her ground, her eyes remaining on the first Reaper who spoke. He seemed to be their leader, and so it was he she had to watch.  
  
He met her eyes and let out a chuckle before stepping forward, his men following along behind. He walked with an arrogant strut, clearly believing he had the upper hand in the situation, but Lexa stood her ground, eyes never leaving him. She heard Ryder try to move behind her, heard him attempt to get up, but his injured leg wouldn't allow it and he fell back. He tried to pull his gun from his back but the leading Reaper shook his head and pointed his gun at Lexa's chest.  
  
“I don't think so,” he growled, the cocky grin never leaving his lips. “Touch your gun and I pull my trigger, and your pretty friend gets a load of bullets to her gut.”  
  
She heard Ryder still behind her and could practically feel the glare he shot to the other man, but she still didn't allow her expression to change. Her stance only seemed to entertain him more as he took another couple of steps forward. He dropped the gun back to his side, his arrogance clearly telling them all she wasn't a threat. His men were a little smarter, their guns still up, but even so all of them merely held the guns loosely in their grips. They too clearly didn't think the two Marines much of a threat, and while Lexa knew that she and Ryder certainly didn't look like much, she would show them their mistake even if it meant she died while teaching them. She waited, feeling her muscles humming, but made no show of it as the leader Reaper took another step forward. There were only a few feet between them now: soon. Soon she would have her opportunity.  
  
And then he took another step forward and she saw it. In a flash she darted forward, closing the distance between them, using her free hand to knock his gun aside and immediately pressing the edge of her sword to his bare neck, nicking the skin just enough to cause a small trickle of blood to fall. The movement was too fast, fully unexpected after her stillness, that none of the men could get their guns up and fired before she had the man's back pressed against her front, turning him to stand between her and their guns.  
  
“Drop your weapons,” she growled, pressing the sword against his neck with just a bit more pressure and causing the flow of blood to increase slightly. “And maybe I will not kill him.”  
  
She felt him growl against her but merely tightened her grip on her sword hilt. The six other Reapers all looked at each other and at her captive, their guns still up but all clearly unsure. Her eyes scanned back and forth, meeting each of their gazes, and whatever they saw in her eyes clearly worked for her because then they were all dropping their guns, now glaring at her as they became the defenseless ones.  
  
And then the man against her growled and suddenly she felt him move, the force of his movement pressing the sword even deeper in his flesh, but also making it so that he could hurl a sharp elbow into her side. She grunted at the contact, the force of the blow enough to make her loosen her grip on the hilt, and then the man was pushing the sword away from his neck, taking just a step away before he brought his gun back up and thrusting it forward, using the butt of the gun to strike her hard in the stomach. The blow was enough to knock the wind out of her and she stumbled back, trying to get oxygen into her lungs. He followed after her and smashed the butt of the gun into her again, smashing against her chest and suddenly she felt a white hot burst of pain shoot through her.  
  
Before he could hit her again her sword was up, slashing down and cutting deeply into his arm. He swore and she took the moment to step away, still trying to get her breathing under control and to ignore the pain in her chest. She heard the man yelling at his men, screaming to them, “No! She's mine!” and realized that many of them had once again picked up their guns and trained them on her. She hadn't heard any of the movement, the ringing still enough to block out little noises such as those, but as she looked back at them, she could see six guns suddenly trained on her. Her eyes darted around to all of them, but it was clear that they were going to listen to their leader as their fingers moved from the triggers. Knowing that for now at least their guns were the least of her worries, she turned back to the man standing near her, his eyes now hard and the grin no longer on his lips. His fingers were red, blood coating them as he pulled his hand away from the deep cut she had given him and still a light trickle of blood ran down the side of his neck. He stepped forward and she stepped back, her eyes now no longer leaving him and watching his every move.  
  
“The bitch is scared now,” he growled and his men grinned, “Just as she should be.”  
  
He brought his gun up but Lexa didn't give him time to aim it. She jumped forward, using her sword to knock it aside before he could fire, knowing that now she had to keep as little distance between them as possible so that he wouldn't be able to pull the trigger and hit her. So she stayed close, ignoring the pain from her chest and shoulder, aware that any distraction now would mean death. The sword remained up, constantly knocking against the gun, and while it wasn't wholly helpful, at the very least it kept the barrel of the gun from ever being directly pointed at her. She used her free hand to attack, striking out with as much strength as she could muster, her left fist first striking against his side, his shoulder, his stomach. He tried to knock her fist aside and then tried returning the attacks, his fist making contact with her side more than once, each time making her grunt from the pain, but never doing enough to get her to break away from him. The attacks from both of them were wild, untrained, desperate attempts to take their opponent down.  
  
Lexa's sword broke away from the gun just long enough to slash at his chest, biting through his fabric and coming away bright red, clearly having left a mark behind. The man growled, but took the opportunity when Lexa had to pull her sword back to bring his gun up sideways in both hands, shoving it forwards against her chest. At the same time one of his feet hooked against one of hers, and suddenly she was on the ground on her back and he fell on top of her, his thighs pinning her hips to the ground. She tried to throw him off, but he was too solid, too heavy, and she could feel the panic begin to rise in her chest, suffocating her far worse than his weight could. She scrambled, lifting her sword, but this time he was prepared for it. With both of his hands still on his gun, he pulled it back and then used all his strength to bring the butt of it down on her shoulder. She couldn't hold back the scream that tore from her throat as she felt her shoulder crushed beneath the blow. She couldn't help it: she dropped her sword, her eyes pressed shut as her jaw clenched, trying so hard to swallow the pain. The Reaper wanted to hear her: he brought the gun back up and then brought it back down again, this time landing just beneath her shoulder, crushing her upper arm between it and and the hard ground. Lexa cried out again, unable to hold it back. She thrashed beneath his weight, desperately trying to throw him off, but no amount of thrashing could so much as budge him, and the movement made her arm throb. She tried to move it, tried to pick her sword back up to defend against the next attack, but no amount of will power could make it move. Her pinky moved, tapped against the ground as she tried to lift her arm, but she couldn't make any other part of the arm move, and the panic inside her chest grew. She could see her sword lying beside her, but had no way to lift it. She was done.  
  
She was done, but she would not die screaming. She grit her jaw, cutting off her pained cries abruptly and then turned, her eyes opening and glaring up at the man grinning on top of her. She refused to show him fear, refused to allow him to take her pride as well as her life. She glared and he grinned, and instead of raising his gun, he reached over and grabbed her sword, fitting the small hilt in his large hand. He lifted it, never once breaking eye contact with her, and pressed it roughly to her neck, nicking the skin in the same way she had done to him.  
  
“Time to die, bitch,” he growled smugly, and Lexa merely met his gaze, still refusing to show her fear, even as her heart beat wildly in her chest. This was it. Eight years ago she had decided to follow in her mother's footsteps, and now she was about to die just as her mother had: at the hand of any enemy on strange land, far away from the people she loved.  
  
The man's grin grew, and then he drew the blade back, leaning back as both of his hands moved to the hilt, turning the sword so its tip pointed down at her chest. With a final smirk he moved, prepared to thrust the sword into her chest just as a shot rang out, and he jerked above her, a sudden look of surprise growing on his face as his jaw dropped. He looked down at his chest just as Lexa's eyes turned there as well, and together they watched the blood suddenly bloom across his uniform, turning the dark clothing even darker beneath its red-black stain. His eyes flickered back to Lexa's face and she met his shocked gaze just before his eyelids closed and he slumped forward, the sword falling from his grip as his body fell on top of her, his dead weight making her injuries scream. Her shock at the turn of events was so great that she almost didn't even process the pain as his body pressed against her, and then she heard more shots fire out and again she flailed beneath him, her uninjured arm pressing against his side and trying to push him off. Suddenly she felt another pair of hands grab at the back of his jacket, pulling the body off of her.  
  
“Get off our Heda,” Quint growled as he pulled the heavy body off of her, his teeth clenched as he glared at the now lifeless body he dropped to the ground beside her. He spit on it, giving it another glare before he turned back to her, and in that moment, Lexa was sure she had never been so happy to see him before in her life.

***

_Then_

Clarke stood in the bathroom leaning against the cheap porcelain sink, her fingers tapping against its surface impatiently. She was trying not to look at her phone to see how much time had gone by, trying not to think about how anyone could easily just walk in at any second and ruin the moment before it even began. She was also taking deep breaths through her nose, trying to calm the quick pace of her heart's beating, but she knew that that really was no use: her heart had been racing since she left home that morning, and she knew it would continue to do so until the next bell rang and she had to get to her next class.  
  
Summer was over, and had been over for a couple of weeks. More importantly, camp was over, and had been over for longer, which meant that she had gone almost a month without talking to Lexa. It had been The. Longest. Month. Of. Her. Life. She had hoped that once she left Camp Ark, left the atmosphere there and that life behind, that things would go back to normal. She'd think about Lexa some maybe, think about all the times they had had together, but that would be it. She'd come home and move on, spending the end of her summer with her friends and maybe finding somebody new to spend all her time thinking about. She'd meet a nice guy, or spend more time with some guy she already knew, think he was cute, and that would be that. She and he would get together and Clarke would be able to forget all about her summer with the brunette, other than to give it a wistful thought every now and then. She would move on, and she would be happy: that's what she wanted.  
  
Or more accurately, that's what she wanted to want. She wanted to want to get over Lexa, to be able to think of their time together and just think of it as a summer fling, hot and romantic in the moment, but fleeting afterwards and unable to last. She wanted to want to find someone else, a good guy who could make her smile and laugh, who she could spend time with even around her friends, and who maybe she could even take home to meet her parents at some point, after she had determined he was good enough and meant enough to her to meet them. That would all be easy, be normal, and that was why she wanted it; more than just about anything, she didn't want to have to turn her whole world upside down.  
  
But even more than wanting a normal life, she wanted to see Lexa. To talk to her, not just walk by her in the hallway, afraid to even smile at her for too long in case someone noticed. She wanted to spend time with her, listen to her stories, listen to her laugh. She wanted to kiss her: she wanted Lexa's lips pressed against her own, she wanted her fingers burning hot trails on her skin, wanted to feel Lexa against her. She wanted what they had become over the summer, wanted that safe feeling, that intimacy and friendship and security. She wanted Lexa's eyes looking at her so that she could look into them. She just wanted _Lexa_.  
  
And the strength of her desire to see Lexa again had been growing stronger with every day, and with every day she didn't get to see the brunette, her bad mood had increased. She didn't really know when it had started: at first she had been able to hide it, her misery, her depression and hurt and want, had been able to bury it beneath a smile and a laugh, but lately it had become too hard. Where usually her natural instinct was to laugh or to smile, much more often now she would glare or frown or just be staring off with a scowl on her face, and she knew it was becoming noticeable. She had seen both Octavia and Raven giving her funny looks every now and then, and even Bellamy had looked at her weird the day before when she didn't laugh at a joke she normally would have laughed at. She had been able to divert their attention away from it so far so as to keep it from every coming up in conversation, but she knew it was only a matter of time before she wouldn't be able to distract them anymore. Which meant she had to take action, which was why she was currently standing in one of the girls' bathrooms at her school, shifting her weight from one foot to the other while she waited impatiently, her mouth completely dry and heart beat thumping harshly against her chest.  
  
Last night while she had been lying in bed, unable to sleep once again, she had decided it was time to do something. Clearly trying to get over Lexa wasn't working. Clearly she felt even more strongly about the other girl than even she had realized, because normally she lost interest in a person quickly, especially once she no longer saw them much. Bellamy and Raven were always teasing her for being too picky, as she had never been able to stay with a guy for more than a couple of months before. She always just laughed and shrugged it off, because she knew it wasn't necessarily that she was too picky, it was just that she always got bored with the person eventually. It wasn't necessarily them, she just moved quickly, had a lot of goals she wanted to accomplish, had too many things to do and never saw any reason to take any time out of her already busy schedule for them. Too often it was at that point, when she started to fall back into her busy schedule of things to do that the guy would get worried and get clingy, trying to force himself into aspects of her life that she had no desire for him to be in. The moment that happened, she would be done with the relationship and Octavia and Raven would add a tally to their chart of “Clarke's Broken-Hearted Lovers,” a chart that Clarke always told them was stupid because one, very few of the tallies on the chart had actually been her lovers, and two, even fewer of the tallies had actually had their hearts broken, because very few of them had actually loved her, just as she hadn't loved them. She told them over and over: she didn't have time, all she wanted was a little fun every now and then. Was that really too much to ask?  
  
Except with Lexa. Lexa was different, in every possible way. Clarke had spent an entire summer with Lexa, and almost solely Lexa, and she had never gotten bored with her. Not once. More than that, the more time they had spent together, the more time Clarke had wanted to spend with her. Everything she learned about the brunette just made her more and more interested in her, and for the first time when she had walked away from her for what she had wanted to hope was the last time, it had been hard to do so. Very hard. Like, impossible, especially because even after almost a month of being apart from her, Clarke wished she wasn't. For the first time it would have been Clarke's tally on the Broken Hearts chart, if Octavia and Raven had known to put it on, because while Clarke wasn't entirely sure her heart was breaking, she did feel a significant ache in her chest whenever she thought about the brunette, and the longer she went without talking to her, the deeper and sharper the ache got. And for the first time when she tried to flirt with someone else, tried to kiss or hold or be with someone else, all she really wanted was to be with Lexa. She had tried, had tried using another person's smile, another person's kiss, another's touch to help her forget about the brunette, but it hadn't worked and when the other person had kissed or touched her, it just hadn't felt right. Nothing felt right anymore, and that was solely and completely because of the girl she'd fallen for at camp, and she knew that it was time to stop fighting it and just accept it. To an extent, at least.  
  
And so Clarke had developed a plan. Last night while in bed, she had decided that today, right now, she would see Lexa again. If Lexa wanted to, at least.  
  
She had gotten up early that morning and driven herself to school in the new car her parents had gotten her at the end of the summer, and at that moment she was so incredibly thankful for it because it meant she didn't have to depend on anyone else or tell anyone else why it was she wanted to get to the school before just about anyone else that morning. She'd written the note last night, a quick, hurried message on a small piece of paper, and as soon as she had gotten to the school she had gone straight to Lexa's locker (before the summer she hadn't known where that locker was, but now she swore she saw Lexa standing at it every day and it drove her crazy seeing the brunette there without being able to talk to her) and slipped the note inside it. And that was it. She had done her part, and now she had to wait and see if Lexa was going to respond in the way she hoped.  
  
The door to the bathroom finally opened and Clarke stared straight ahead, holding her breath, afraid to hope. But then she felt those eyes on her, felt them without even needing to turn around and see for sure it was her, and she let out the breath in a relieved sigh.  
  
“Gotta admit, I was starting to get worried that you weren't going to come,” she said, the relief clear in her voice as she turned around, finally seeing Lexa and being able to really see her and acknowledge her in much too long. And god, did she look good standing there in just a pair of jeans and a tight t-shirt, her backpack slung over one shoulder. The look was so casual, so simple, but Clarke couldn't drag her eyes away from her, especially when she saw Lexa's lips curl up in her small smile.  
  
The brunette held up a hand, and Clarke's gaze was drawn to it, seeing the piece of paper clutched between those long fingers.  
  
“I would have been here earlier if I had known which bathroom you had been referring to,” she replied easily, the smile coloring her tone and easily reaching her eyes. “I have spent the past ten minutes checking each and every one of the girl's bathrooms in the school. If anybody had noticed, I think they might have worried that I was lost. Or that I have truly terribly bladder control.”  
  
Clarke frowned, her gaze moving back up to Lexa's face as the brunette took another step closer.  
  
“I totally said which bathroom to meet in,” she argued, feeling sure that she had added it to the note, but then Lexa raised her eyebrows at her and handed her the piece of paper, easily closing the distance between them. Clarke swallowed, suddenly a little overwhelmed with having the brunette so close to her, though why she couldn't say, since it wasn't like they hadn't spent the majority of the summer this close or closer. There had been so much time between this meeting and their last though that having the other girl near her again caused the butterflies to swarm in her stomach, and it was all she could do to take the paper from her fingers without blushing. She felt more than a little foolish, and even more so as she read the paper. “Huh. Okay, I didn't. Well I feel like an idiot now.”  
  
Lexa's smile just grew, and then her fingers were wrapping over the pale fingers that now held the paper, entwining them together. Once again Clarke's mouth went dry as Lexa took another step forward, successfully completely closing all space between them as her forehead pressed against the blonde's.  
  
“Do not feel like an idiot,” she murmured, and Clarke was pretty sure she would always do whatever Lexa told her if she kept smiling at her like that, so she just nodded. Lexa leaned down, but before she could bring her lips to Clarke's, she saw the blonde's eyes dart to the bathroom door. “Do not worry,” she whispered, understanding her fears without needing to be told, “I locked it when I came in. No one will see.”  
  
“Oh,” Clarke merely said dumbly, and then her free hand was against the back of the brunette's head, pulling her forward urgently and crashing their lips together.  
  
They were kissing again and it just felt so _good_. Lexa's free hand found Clarke's cheek, tilting her head slightly to the side so that she could deepen the kiss, and then Clarke's fingers were digging against the back of Lexa's scalp, pulling gently on her hair to try to get more from the kiss. They were together, connected again, pressed against one another and suddenly the month that they had both languished through melted away, nothing real in that moment except for the feel of the other girl pressed so desperately against their lips. If ever a kiss felt like home, it was this one.  
  
And then suddenly the bell was ringing, signaling the end of the free period, and Clarke was groaning, her face falling into a scowl.  
  
“No, not yet!” she cried, her fingers only tightening their hold against Lexa, her forehead bumping lightly against the other girl's and then resting against it. “I was finally kissing you again!”  
  
The small smile appeared once again on Lexa's lips before she leaned forward and quickly pecked a soft kiss against those pale scowling lips. Pulling back she said quietly, “We can meet again tomorrow, and you may kiss me again.”  
  
“But I want more than just a quick kiss in a bathroom, Lexa,” Clarke groaned, still refusing to let go of the brunette's hand. “I miss you.”  
  
Again the brunette smiled as she felt her heart soar in her chest, finally hearing the words she had barely hoped to hear for an entire month. “I miss you too Clarke,” she informed the blonde, and she watched as the scowl melted off her face, quickly replaced with a hopeful smile. Again she quickly pecked the blonde's lips, and this time the blonde caught them and returned the peck, turning it into something just a few seconds longer than it was supposed to be. Lexa finally pulled back, shaking her head with the smile still on her face as the smirk grew on the blonde's lips. “We will figure out something,” she assured the other girl, who merely sighed and then just nodded, leaning forward and stealing a final kiss as the second bell rang, signaling to the two girls that they were late for class.  
  
And neither of the two perfect students minded that at all.

***

_Now_

Quint's eyes swept over her, worry evident in his expression as he took in the sight of her crushed arm. It was bruised, bloody, and swollen to at least twice its normal size, and with the way the Heda winced as she tried to move, it clearly hurt like a bitch. “What're you doing letting that jackass kick your ass, Heda? Thought you were supposed to be unbeatable.” He reached forward, gently taking her left hand in his and pulling her up, doing his best not to hurt her, but the catch of her breath and grit of her teeth proved the action impossible. Finally on her feet again, her right arm hung uselessly at her side, but she did her best to ignore it. The pain was unbearable, already making her light-headed, and as she took a step forward she felt another sharp pain flair up from her chest. She winced, but pushed it all aside, determined to focus on the more important things at the moment.  
  
The most important thing at the moment was the fact that all of the Grounders had returned, and it had been their shots she had heard firing above her. Now all seven of the Reapers lay on the ground, blood coloring the dirt beneath them as they lay dead or dying. Echo, Tristan and Shet were all around Ryder, doing their best to treat his leg, their bags opened and the little bit of medical supplies they had out and littered on the ground around them. Ryder once again had his teeth clenched tightly, but now his face was more relaxed, the worry from earlier replaced by the relief of having them all there. Marques, Jay and Artigas were going around to each of the Reapers, mercifully slitting the throats of those slowly dying. Quint remained beside her, his eyes still worried as he took in all of her injuries.  
  
She took in the sight of all of her people here again and then turned back to Quint saying, “And I thought I ordered you to lead them back to Polis.” She tried to keep her tone stern, but her relief of having them there was obvious and she knew it.  
  
Quint met her gaze and just shrugged before he replied, “You did, and I ignored it. What else is new?” He grinned at her, and she couldn't help but smile back, a relieved laugh bubbling up and escaping her lips. When she laughed though her stomach clenched and once again the white-hot pain shot through her chest, and without thinking she tried to bring her arm up, once again failing to get it to move and just making it hurt even more as the muscles tried to flex. She clenched her teeth, and let out a loud breath, wincing from the pain and again Quint looked at her worriedly. “Heda, maybe you should sit down,” he told her, but she just shook her head, her brow still turned down in pain.  
  
“No,” she growled, the pain making it hard to focus on anything else, but she once again pushed it to the side, needing to take control of both it and her people again. “No, we must leave. Now. More Reapers could have heard the explosion and be on their way.”  
  
Quint nodded, his expression turning serious before he turned to the others. He looked over to Marques, Jay and Artigas and ordered them, “Use whatever you need to to make two stretchers. Work fast, but be sure both stretchers are secure.” The three nodded to him and then moved to get to work, Jay and Artigas opening a few of their bags to pull blankets out while Marques went to find sturdy branches to secure them to.  
  
While they moved, Lexa shook her head, telling Quint, “No, we only need one stretcher. I can walk.” He turned to her and lifted his eyebrows at her, eyes once again taking in her injuries. He shook his head, informing her, “No Heda, you can't. Not all the way back to Polis, at least. We will make a stretcher and we will carry you, just as we'll carry Ryder.”  
  
“No, we need more than just three people armed, ready in case of another attack,” Lexa argued, her eyes hard, though she was starting to get dizzy. She didn't let it show, however, as she added, “I will walk.”  
  
“No, you won't,” Quint argued back, his tone just as hard as hers. “Look at you: you're injured Heda. Badly. You wouldn't make it an hour if you walked.”  
  
“Then leave me behind and get Ryder back to Polis,” she growled, “Then at least there will be five of you armed.”  
  
“If you think that's really gonna happen, then that bump on your head is much worse than it looks, and it already looks bad,” he told her, eyes moving up to her forehead before moving back down and meeting her gaze once again.  
  
“That is an order, Marine,” she said between clenched teeth, her head now starting to swim and vision getting blurry, but she swallowed hard and fought against it.  
  
“As the leader of the Grounder Unit, I don't have to take orders from you right now,” he replied, eyes hard and clearly not giving in. “You made me the leader of this unit, and told me to get all of its members back safely. You are one of us, Heda, which means I am getting you back to Polis safely. Now stop arguing and sit down. You look like you're about to pass out.”  
  
Lexa opened her mouth to argue anyway, but no words came out. He was right; she had made him leader of the unit, so in that sense he no longer had to listen to her orders. He should, since she was still a higher ranking officer, but it wasn't as necessary as it had been before she had promoted him. Sure, she had only done that because she had been sure that she was about to die, and now that she hadn't she could easily take her position back, but at the moment she didn't have the energy to do so. She swallowed again, even that little motion causing her pain to spike and her head to swim, and she realized he was right about something else as well: she was about to pass out at any minute. She swayed lightly, and he reached forward, concern and worry in his eyes, steadying her as he put her good arm around his shoulder.  
  
“I want those stretchers ready _now_!” he yelled, tearing his worried look from the Heda and turning to see how the progress of the stretchers were coming.  
  
It took another few minutes, but then the stretchers were done, and carefully he led the stubborn woman over to the smaller one, helping her to gently lay out on the blanket. His jaw tensed when he saw the pain flash across her face, but her lips remained closed, still refusing to allow her pain to break her. As soon as she was settled he gave her one more worried look before he moved over to help his teammates get Ryder on his stretcher. This was much harder and took longer. He, Marques, Jay and Tristan worked together to move Ryder, doing their best not to hurt him any further, but he too clearly felt the pain as he was moved. Finally though he too was lying securely in his own stretcher, and then Quint gave the orders and he and Tristan grunted, lifting Ryder's stretcher up while Echo and Artigas lifted the Heda's stretcher, hers rising much more easily. Shet, Marques and Jay all had their guns in their hands, eyes already sweeping around them both in the trees and on the ground, on the alert for any sign of another attack or any other sign of bombs. They moved out, all silent as they walked, determined to return to Polis without any more problems.  
  
For a short time, Lexa tried to remain conscious as they moved. She tried, desperately wanting to stay awake in case of another attack, but it was a battle she was quickly losing. Her head swam, vision blurring and going in and out. Echo and Artigas were trying to be careful with her, but every few steps she would feel the stretcher jostle, causing a fresh wave of pain to shoot through her and she would have to grit her teeth once again to keep herself from crying out. She stared up at the sky, her vision blurring once again, and finally she stopped fighting it. For the first time in her life, she decided to stop fighting entirely, and just let whatever was going to happen, happen. Her vision went dark as she finally passed into unconsciousness, a bit of sweet relief where the pain could no longer effect her anymore.  
  
Her last conscious thought before she passed out was how she wished it was night time, so that at least if she never opened her eyes again, she would have died with the stars shining in her eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Only two more chapters left my friends. Just two more.


	25. Chapter 25

Never in her life had Lexa ever been afraid of the dark, and the void around her now did nothing to change that. This darkness held more than a lack of fear for her, however: it felt secure, warm almost, as though a sense of safety she had never felt before were wrapping around her. It was comforting almost, leaving her with this feeling of peace she had never known before. Everything about the moment was ironic, because with none of her senses working she had no idea what might be hiding in the darkness. She couldn't hear, couldn't feel, and the darkness hid away any movement her eyes might otherwise catch, and yet she knew, completely and utterly knew more surely than she knew anything else, that this darkness was a safety net around her. There, in the darkness and alone, she was more at peace than she'd ever felt before and it was a relief.  
  
It was a relief not to have to worry. It was a relief to not spend every moment of her time thinking about others, worrying about how to make sure they would survive, or what would make them happy, or even just worrying about their own thoughts. It was a relief to no longer worry about whether she had made the correct decisions with her life or what it would have been like if she had ever chosen differently. Her decisions, her choices and beliefs, they all made her who she was and in this space that was enough. The relief in itself was soothing, washing over her and putting her even more at ease. This place, this darkness, accepted her, welcomed her, made her feel more comfortable than any other place ever had and Lexa sank into that comfort and that space. This was right: this was home.  
  
For long minutes, or seconds, or years or hours or decades, she had no way of knowing which it might be or if it was all of them at once, she believed this, and Lexa felt herself become one with the darkness, the void pouring into her being. She felt its comfort, its acceptance, and she welcomed it, but something at the back of her mind tugged at her. The mind functioned differently in this void though, thoughts never completely forming, constantly shifting before a picture could truly form, and this pulled at Lexa. This tug, this pull of an incomplete thought, interrupted her peace, interrupted her comfort, and once she noticed the pull she couldn't unnotice it. She tried to ignore it, tried to push it away and fall back into the safe and welcoming arms of the void, but the incomplete thought refused to be ignored. It remained, dancing along the edges, ever elusive and impossible to ignore, so Lexa stopped trying to ignore it. She focused on it, trying to piece together the flashes she glimpsed from the thought until she could get the entire picture, but the thought was like that one word you can never remember. It was there, right at the forefront of her mind, dancing on the tip of her tongue and she knew she knew it, knew that it was there, that it was fully formed and just waiting for her to figure out what she needed to do to finally get it but she just couldn't. She saw the glimpses over and over again. A flash of gold. Silver. A pair of lips. Blue. Tears. A smile. A hand in hers. It all flashed over and over again in her mind and it pulled at her, pulled at her to remember, to realize what it all meant and she tried, she really tried, but the void around her held her so gently, and she felt so safe, so comfortable, that even as she tried she began to think that perhaps it would be alright if she couldn't put it all together. Perhaps the flashes would go away and she would be once again left in peace with just the darkness around her. That would be okay.  
  
_Lexa_...  
  
She heard it, and if she had a physical being in this place of nothing she would have jerked, the surprise pulling her out of her fog of comfort. She heard it, and with the simple whisper of her name, all of the pieces rushed together, forming the picture they had been working so hard to get her to see.  
  
Clarke.  
  
Clarke was her picture, her whole picture, her true comfort, the one who gave her the peace she sought, whose arms and words and eyes made her feel safer than anything else. Clarke was her world, her life, she was the one who made life beautiful, made it worth living. Clarke was her love, and now that she remembered, it was impossible to forget and she didn't want it any other way.  
  
And so Lexa fought against the darkness. It tried to pull her back in, tried to wrap its void around her and make her feel the comfort she had felt before she remembered, but it was no longer home. Home was a blonde waiting for her. Home was a smile, a quirk of the lips. Home was blue eyes, shining and glowing, happiness or sorrow or anger, any emotion in them, those eyes were home. Home was laughter, home was a voice, home was words filled with care, with emotion, with the love she knew they both felt for each other. Her home had been built ten years ago, and it had suffered, it had seen hard times and hardships, it had weathered through storms and tears and worry and regret, but it remained standing, and that home was waiting for her return. Clarke was waiting for her to return, and no amount of comfort or peace that the void could give to her could beat that. So she fought, and because there was no way to tell time in this place of nothing she had no idea how long she fought, but she did, and finally she felt the void slipping away, its grip on her loosening. Slowly the void fell away, and then she was back, her eyes still closed but senses returning.  
  
The darkness behind her closed eyes was no longer true darkness: her eyelids allowed light to filter in, the light from the room she was in too bright even with her eyes closed after all her time in the void. She heard a soft, steady mechanical beeping from somewhere beside her. She smelled disinfectant and clean bedsheets. She felt her own chest rising and falling as she breathed, the steady intake of air unchanging even as she noticed it. She felt something small sticking out of her forearm, felt the tape holding it in place pulling against her skin.  
  
And the pain.  
  
She felt the pain. She felt it with every breath. It was everywhere, a little bit of hurt all over, but mostly she felt it in her arm and shoulder. It burned and it stung and it ached. It pulled and it pushed and it clung to her as though it would never leave her. After being in a place so devoid of pain, so free of anything, the hurt overwhelmed her, but she grit her teeth and swallowed hard, pushing it back. She would not allow it to overtake her, would not allow it to control her, so she pushed it back until she could begin to ignore it, and once she did, she felt something else.  
  
Her left arm was lying out straight beside her, and it was this arm she had felt the needle sticking out of, but now she felt beyond the needle to her hand. Her hand which had another's hand wrapped around it. A hand she was pretty sure she knew. A hand she was pretty sure she could never truly forget.  
  
Slowly she opened her eyes, blinking at the sudden brightness of the room. The light made her head ache, only adding another pain she had to push away, but she did, and then she looked to her left. Sure enough the hand holding her own was Clarke's, the blonde pulled up in a chair right next to her bed. The other girl was lying with her head cradled on her free arm, her upper half lying on Lexa's bed. The brunette was almost surprised to realize she hadn't noticed the dip in her mattress before that moment, but it didn't matter. Clarke's eyes were closed, her breathing steady, and Lexa couldn't stop the small smile from forming on her lips. Without thinking about it, her thumb rubbed against the back of the blonde's hand, the same gesture it had done so many times before.  
  
She nearly regretted the motion when the blonde began to stir, but when Clarke's eyes opened and she saw that blue, she couldn't regret it. She could never regret getting a chance to look into those eyes.  
  
Clarke's eyes opened slowly, her gaze going directly to the thumb gently rubbing across the back of her hand before they darted up to Lexa's face, finding green eyes staring back at her and a small smile directed at her. Hurriedly she pushed herself up, grip tightening around Lexa's hand.  
  
“Lexa!” she exclaimed, relief and worry battling for control in her voice, “Thank god, you're awake!”  
  
Lexa nodded before a voice called, “She's awake?” The brunette looked up, immediately knowing the voice, and saw her father pushing himself up out of a chair across the room from her bed. She hadn't noticed him before, as her attention had been drawn straight to the blonde holding her hand when she woke up, but she saw him now, and as he quickly moved to stand next to Clarke's chair, she gave him a smile as well.  
  
“I am awake, yes,” she replied, her voice rough. Until that moment she hadn't noticed how dry her throat was. She didn't care though.  
  
Her father reached out, gently cupping her cheek and she saw the same worry and relief that had been in Clarke's tone in his eyes. He met her eyes and she held his gaze as his eyes flickered back and forth, scanning her face, trying to read everything there, and she let him. Finally he nodded, letting his hand fall before he looked quickly to Clarke and told her, “I will go get the doctor.”  
  
She nodded to him and he returned the motion, barely able to look away from her, and with a final look at his daughter he left to do as he had said. Lexa watched him leave the room and then turned back to Clarke, the blonde's concerned eyes still on her. She gave the blonde another small smile and brushed her thumb against the back of her hand again, trying to wipe that concern from her face. The blonde closed her eyes momentarily, letting out a deep breath, and when she opened them again they were wet, but her tears did not fall.  
  
“You,” she said quietly, and Lexa had to strain a little bit to hear her, “Are a big, stupid idiot, and a big, stupid hero and I love you. But if you ever, ever scare me like that again I will kill you myself. Got it?”  
  
Lexa couldn't help but let out a small laugh, the motion tugging painfully at her chest, but she let it happen anyway.  
  
“Yes,” she finally replied, “I have got it.” But then Clarke's words truly registered with her, and suddenly everything that had happened to put her in this bed came flooding back to her and the grin wiped off her face. Her people. Ryder. The IED. The explosion. The Reapers. Her eyes flickered around, scanning the rest of the room and finding no one else there. It was quite clearly not the infirmary at Polis that she currently laid in. “Wait, where am I Clarke?” she asked, worry coloring her own tone now. “What are you doing here? Where is Ryder? Where... Is he... Did he... Please tell me he didn't...” With each word her worry increased, until she was nearly panicking. Without meaning to she pulled her hand from Clarke's and tried to push herself up, but in doing so she rolled partially to her side. She tried to use her right arm to catch herself but then realized it was secured in a sling against her body. Even when she tried to move it the arm still refused to budge, her pinky and ring finger the only parts of the entire limb responding to the motion, and she felt the pain flare up it. She winced, taking a sharp breath and clenched her teeth together at the pain.  
  
“Hey hey hey, calm down, it's okay,” Clarke told her hurriedly, standing up and gently helping her to get upright again. As soon as she was sitting up straight again Clarke's fingers moved to her hair, gently running through it, trying to soothe her. “Shh, it's okay Lexa,” she continued, her voice low. “It is. Ryder's okay. The Grounders got you both back to Polis in time, and then they flew you to this hospital where you're both being treated. He had to have surgery, and they had to amputate the leg, but he's going to live. He's going to be okay, and so are you. So please, just calm down. Take it easy, Lexa. Please.”  
  
Lexa took in a deep breath and then nodded. The fact that Ryder had needed to have his leg amputated caused a new ache to form in her chest, but it wasn't a surprising piece of information. The fact that he was alive however caused her to breathe easier, her panic subsiding slowly. He was alive, her people were all well, and that was all she could have hoped for. She opened her eyes again, finding Clarke still looking at her worriedly and she leaned into the blonde's touch to try to comfort her.  
  
“I am... I am calm Clarke,” she finally said, trying to reassure her, “I am alright.” Clarke raised her eyebrows at that, clearly not believing her entirely, but she didn't say anything. Lexa returned the look when she asked, “And you did not answer all of my questions. What are you doing here, Clarke? How long have you been here?”  
  
“You've been at the hospital for two days Lexa, and as soon as I found out what happened I flew down to be here,” she replied. “Gustus called me as soon as he heard and then we came together. We've been here for almost a day and a half.”  
  
Lexa frowned, her brow pulling together as she told Clarke, “You did not need to do that, Clarke. You have your residency training and I know how demanding that is. You should not take this much time off from it.”  
  
This time it was Clarke's turn to close her eyes as her fingers stilled in Lexa's hair, and Lexa watched her take a deep breath. Finally the blonde leaned down and gave her a long, gentle kiss, drawing it out for as long as she could. When she finally pulled back she didn't move far, her face remaining next to Lexa's as she informed her quietly, “Lexa, if you think I'm going to find out that you ran at a bomb and then was almost killed again by a group of Reapers and _not_ immediately drop everything and stay next to you until I know you are safe and okay and healing then you really are a big dumb idiot. Now let me kiss you again.”  
  
Lexa swallowed and nodded, and then Clarke's lips were against hers again and she could feel it all. The blonde's worry. Her fear. The absolute terror she had felt for two days now. The relief of Lexa finally being awake, of being okay, of being _alive_. Clarke's fingers were in her hair, holding her carefully but holding her close, and then Lexa's one good arm was up, the needle pulling against her skin as she moved it, but she didn't care, she ignored it and let her own fingers tangle in blonde locks because all of those feelings were rushing through her and she needed Clarke to anchor her down just as much as she knew the blonde needed her at that moment. And Clarke was being gentle, kissing her softly and holding her carefully, too afraid of hurting any of her many pains, but Lexa didn't care: she didn't want to be held gently or carefully. She wanted Clarke's lips hard against her own, wanted those fingers holding onto her tightly because she had come so close, _so close_ , to never feeling either touch ever again, and she needed to feel it now. As the tears she hadn't realized were forming streaked down her cheeks, she needed to feel Clarke, and so she pulled her closer, pushing their lips together harder and Clarke responded in kind, her own fingers tightening around Lexa's hair, her mouth moving quickly against Lexa's lips and her own tears mixing with Lexa's. They held each other tightly, their fears and the almosts and what could have beens washing over them.  
  
“I love you,” Lexa murmured when their lips finally parted, their faces still close and eyes open and gazing into each other. Clarke let out a sound that was a mix of a sob and a laugh before she replied, “I love you too, Lexa. God, so much.” And then they were kissing again, feeling the truth of their words with the others lips and touch.  
  
“Ahem,” a voice finally called loudly from the doorway, and Clarke slowly pulled back, sniffling a bit as her thumbs ran over Lexa's cheeks, wiping away her tears before she used her sleeve to do the same thing for herself.  
  
“You know, if I had a dollar for every time I walked in on that, I could probably afford to pay for this hospital visit myself instead of letting the Marine's do it,” Gustus stated with a twinkle in his eyes as he walked into the room and away from the doctor he had brought with him. He moved over to the side of Lexa's bed, placing himself next to Clarke, and one hand reached out to grasp his daughter's where it had fallen again on her bed while the other was placed gently on Clarke's shoulder. He smiled at both girls, and they couldn't help but grin back.  
  
The doctor had a grin of his own on his lips as he also stepped into the room, moving to the opposite side of Lexa's bed.  
  
“Glad to see you're awake and feeling better Lieutenant,” he said, the amusement clear in his voice.  
  
“Lexa, this is Dr. Cheng,” Clarke informed her, smiling at the doctor. “He's been overseeing your care since you got here.”  
  
“And I will continue to do so until you walk out of here,” he added, returning Clarke's smile.  
  
“And when do you believe that will be?” Lexa asked, seeing no reason to tiptoe around why she was there in the first place.  
  
The question caused a shift in the mood in the room, the doctor's facial expression turning serious, but Lexa met his eyes. “I'm afraid it won't be right away,” he told her truthfully. “You've experienced a number of pretty severe injuries.”  
  
“My arm,” Lexa stated, and the doctor nodded.  
  
“Yes, the arm, but that's not the only one,” he said, and when she frowned, he sighed and took out the folder he had tucked under his arm before entering the room, flipping it open. “You got banged up pretty bad out there, Lieutenant. A concussion, two broken ribs, three bruised ribs, damage to your hearing, a number of abrasions and a minor burn on your right leg. Plus the arm.”  
  
Lexa's frown deepened before she said, “I do not recall the burn. And I am hearing you fine.”  
  
The doctor shrugged as he told her, “I'm not surprised you don't remember the burn. I imagine a lot was happening at the time when this all happened to you, and as so much of it happened at once and with everything else going on around you, it's not surprising you didn't notice it. And the fact that you can hear me fine is probably because I am close to you and speaking loudly.”  
  
With her good arm she motioned to Clarke and her father, telling him, “I have been able to hear them fine as well.” They both looked at her, their expressions pulled down as well and her confusion only grew.  
  
Dr. Cheng nodded, “Yes, that's very good, and I'm glad. They both are aware of the damage to your hearing however, so it is very possible they have been speaking more loudly than usual, possibly without even realizing it. And really the damage isn't terribly severe.” He held up one hand to his own ear, telling her, “Inside the ear is the cochlea, and that's really what we use to hear. In the cochlea are thousands of hair cells, little nerve cells that are responsible for picking up different sounds. When these hair cells are damaged it effects the hearing. There are varying degrees of damage that can be done, but it would seem that you got off with just a very mild level of hearing loss, having only damaged a few hair cells. Honestly, I'm actually a bit surprised it isn't much, much worse, considering how close you were to a bomb when it went off. But you might notice that somethings may be harder to hear in the next few days than they were before.” He paused and then shrugged again as he added, “Or you might not. If you do and if the hearing loss is great enough, we will get you some hearing aids and that should help you greatly. Even if you don't get them now, there's a greater chance you will need them later on in life, probably earlier than you might have needed them before. Again though, considering what you've been through, the fact that the hearing loss is as minimal as it is is a bit unbelievable.”  
  
Lexa processed his words, taking it all in, her brow still pulled down. “Alright,” she finally said, “What else?”  
  
“The concussion was my biggest concern,” he told her, all seriousness. “Head injuries are tricky, and especially when a patient is unconscious it can be hard to tell just how severe the injury may be. When you first came in we took a full-body MRI since you were unconscious and had so many injuries, and through that MRI we found that no obvious damage had been done to the brain. Now that you are awake and talking, I will feel even more secure believing that after you answer a few questions. What is your full title in the Marine Corps? How long have you been there?”  
  
“Alexandria Woods, First Lieutenant to the Grounder Unit. In a few months it will be six years,” Lexa replied easily and the doctor nodded. He then pointed at her father and asked, “What's his name?”  
  
“Gustus Woods. He's my father,” she said just as easily, and again he nodded.  
  
“Very good,” he said, and then pointed to the blonde and asked, “What's her name and what kind of flowers are you going to get her for thanking her for sitting so patiently beside your bed while we all waited for you to wake up?” Clarke laughed, her father grinned, and even Dr. Cheng couldn't completely hold back his smile.  
  
“Clarke Griffin, and... roses?” Lexa asked, eyes turning to Clarke who just shrugged her shoulders before leaning down and giving her a quick kiss.  
  
“All of those answers sound good to me,” Dr. Cheng replied, smiling at her. “I still want you under observation for a few more days, but as long as nothing changes I would say that other than the bump and headache, the concussion wasn't severe.” He sighed then and added, “Which brings us to the ribs.” He shook his head and said, “Again, you were lucky with those, Lieutenant. From your MRI we found that you had broken two ribs and bruised three others, but no organs or blood vessels were damaged so we don't have to do surgery. They should take about six weeks to heal, and you're going to have to take it easy during those six weeks. No major exercise, no running. Take it easy. It's going to be painful to breathe or cough, but the pain should be manageable, and if it's not I believe Clarke knows some tricks to help with the pain management.” He looked over to the blonde who nodded, her hand falling to Lexa's shoulder.  
  
“Don't worry Dr. Cheng, I will be keeping a very close eye on her,” she informed him and then gave Lexa a look, as if daring her to argue. She just smiled at the blonde, knowing better than to try to say anything and the blonde returned her grin.  
  
“Good, then I have nothing to worry about once my patient leaves me,” Dr. Cheng said, the smile in his voice. Lexa turned back to him as he told her, “I've told Dr. Griffin that once she's finished with her residency she should put in an application here: our hospital can always use another good surgeon, and I have a feeling Clarke is going to be a great one.”  
  
“I have no doubt,” Lexa murmured, her eyes turning back to Clarke, who just smiled at her once again. Lexa returned the smile for a moment and then sighed, letting it fall from her lips as she looked back to the doctor, her best neutral expression taking over as she asked, “What about my arm, Dr. Cheng?”  
  
The doctor mirrored her sigh as she felt Clarke's fingers squeeze reassuringly against her good shoulder. He rubbed his forehead before turning back to her, the seriousness and honesty plain on his face.  
  
“Your arm's in the worst shape,” he told her honestly, not bothering to color his words, for which she was grateful. “During the MRI we made sure to get a clear picture of both the shoulder and the arm, and what we found was... disheartening.” He paused then and just had to shrug. “To put it plainly, both your shoulder and upper arm were crushed. The humerus was worse, but the ball and socket joint of the shoulder were in bad shape as well. Once we saw the MRI, with your father's permission we took you in for surgery where we focused on the joint and were able to repair a lot of the damage. You'll need a second surgery so that we can repair the humerus, but the damage to the bones isn't the major problem. During one of the blows to your arm your radial nerve was damaged. That damage is the reason why you are currently unable to move anything but your pinky and ring finger on that arm.”  
  
“Is it permanent?” Lexa needed to know, keeping her tone even.  
  
“While it's impossible to say for sure, I don't believe so, no,” Dr. Cheng replied. “I won't lie to you though Lexa; it's going to be difficult. You will need physical therapy, which you won't be able to do much of until the arm itself has taken some time to heal, and it will take time and patience, but I believe with work, you will be able to have full function of your arm again.”  
  
“When is the second surgery?” she then asked, causing him to nearly grin and shake his head.  
  
“Now that you're awake I will go schedule it,” he said. “How does tomorrow morning sound? Soon enough if I can make it work?”  
  
“Yes, thank you,” she told him and he nodded. He put his file back under his arm and then paused, giving her a look and then reached into his pocket and pulled out a ball. It was small and red and when he held it out to her she took it in her left hand after releasing her father's hold. It fit almost perfectly into the palm of her hand and when she squeezed it its soft material easily gave way under the pressure from her fingers. She looked at him curiously and he told her, “I probably shouldn't give you that yet, but you seem like the kind of person who likes to push herself, and at least this way I know that you are pushing yourself safely. While you won't be able to start physical therapy fully until after your arm has had some time to heal, I figure that doesn't mean you can't already start trying to get your hand working again. Just hold the ball in your right hand and try to squeeze it, just like you are doing now. It will frustrate you to no end for a while I'm sure, but hopefully soon you'll be able to see some progress. Still, don't push it, and listen to Clarke or your father when they tell you to rest. You might be a hero Lieutenant, but you're still only human and your body needs time to heal.”  
  
“I am no hero,” she said, almost surprised by his words, and he just grinned and shook his head while Clarke snorted beside her. “I heard that,” Lexa informed her, the corner of her lips turning up in a small smile and Clarke just rolled her eyes, her own smile forming.  
  
“Oh god, let the hearing jokes begin,” Clarke said, shaking her head. “You're gonna be just like Raven after her accident.” Lexa merely smirked.  
  
Dr. Cheng simply shook his head again, his own grin never wavering during their interaction.  
  
“Believe what you want Lieutenant Woods, but if you aren't a hero then I don't know who is,” he told her. “But anyway, I have to go check on my other patients, and you need to rest. Your father and Clarke are welcome to stay as long as they want so long as you are getting the rest you need, so don't make me kick them out. Got it?”  
  
“Yes Dr. Cheng,” she agreed, giving him her own small smile. He turned around, but before he could leave the room she called out, “Dr. Cheng?” He turned, raising his eyebrows at her and she merely told him quietly, “Thank you.”  
  
“No Lieutenant, thank you,” he replied sincerely, and then he left, leaving the three of them alone so that they could catch up and go over all he had just told them.

***

The following evening Lexa and Clarke were talking alone in her room while her father was out getting coffee for both he and the blonde when Captain Rivo suddenly appeared at the door. Lexa's eyes widened when she looked up and saw him there at the same time that Clarke did, and once again without thinking she tried to push herself up, wincing at the pain as both her arm throbbed and chest ached.  
  
Clarke glared at her while she helped her to sit up again, her touch gentle even as her tone was hard.  
  
“Lexa, I swear, if you don't stop doing that I am going to tie you to this bed so that you can't move at all. I don't care if it's in front of your commanding officer, I will do it,” she growled loudly, nearly causing Lexa to blush as the Captain walked into the room.  
  
The Captain couldn't completely hold back his laugh as he moved closer to the brunette's bed.  
  
“I would do as she says, Lieutenant, I think she could take you. Especially right now,” he informed her, his lips curling up in a smile. He then looked over to the blonde and nodded, saying, “Hello again, Miss Griffin.”  
  
“Captain I told you, just call me Clarke,” she replied, returning his smile. “'Miss' is way too formal for me.”  
  
“Alright then Clarke, perhaps you should simply call me Rivo, as 'Captain' is a title I only expect from my Marines,” he said, a twinkle in his eye Lexa wasn't sure she had ever seen there before. Really, were Marines allowed to have twinkles in there eyes? Especially when they were her commanding officer and it was due to speaking with the girl she loved? This was a blend of two worlds she had never expected to blend, and she wasn't sure that she liked it.  
  
“I do not know exactly what is going on here, but it is making me uncomfortable,” she told them, her eyes darting back and forth between them.  
  
Clarke merely grinned at her before standing up and kissing her forehead quickly.  
  
“Good,” she said as she pulled away, “It'll keep you on your toes. Or, you know, whatever.” She looked back at the Captain and said to him, “It was great seeing you again Rivo, but I'll leave you two to talk now.”  
  
Captain Rivo returned the nod, telling her, “It was a pleasure seeing you as well, Clarke. We will talk again, I'm sure.”  
  
Clarke smiled at him once more and then turned to Lexa, even as she started to walk away, warning her, “And I mean it Lexa: no moving. You just had surgery this morning and I will come back with rope if I have to.”  
  
The blonde left the room before Lexa could find some sort of response to that that would leave her with a little bit of dignity in front of her captain, which was probably just as well since she didn't have one. Captain Rivo in the mean time chuckled, shaking his head as he watched her go.  
  
“Well I like her,” he let the brunette know. “Anyone who can leave you searching for words is one I think you should definitely keep.”  
  
Lexa's eyes traveled to the window in her room where she could see the blonde standing on the other side of the hall, talking to the nurse who had come in earlier that evening to check on them. She chose not to hide the little smile that grew on her face as she replied quietly, “I certainly intend to, sir, as long as she will have me.” She then turned back to him, the confusion clear on her face when she asked, “But how do you know her? When did the two of you meet?”  
  
“I was here when both she and your father arrived,” he informed her. “While the doctors were doing what they needed to with you, I introduced myself to them. It was a pleasure to meet both of them, though under the circumstances...”  
  
He trailed off, his eyes moving down, seeing the cast and sling on her arm. They'd done the second surgery early that morning and now the arm was even more securely attached in place, leaving her with an inability to even try to move it. She had already tried using the ball Dr. Cheng had given her for her hand though, and so far had had no luck with it. He had said it would take time, and Clarke had echoed his words this afternoon when she watched Lexa try, so she refused to be discouraged yet. The Captain now shook his head at the sight, his smile replaced with a frown.  
  
“Lieutenant, I-,” he began, but then he stopped, looking away from her.  
  
“I am going home. I know Captain,” she told him, her chin held high as he turned back to face her. “You cannot have a Marine whose arm does not function properly. The leader of the Grounders cannot be damaged the way I am. I understand.”  
  
“You are not damaged, Lieutenant,” Captain Rivo growled at her, a slight glare directed more at the words and injuries than at her. “You are a hero and a great Marine and all of us who have had the pleasure to work with you are proud to have been able to do so.”  
  
Lexa just shrugged with her one good shoulder before she said, “I am not a hero, Captain. I just wasn't about to allow another good man to die.” She stopped then and her worry flashed across her eyes before she asked, “Have you seen Ryder? How is he?”  
  
The Captain managed to hide the smile this time. He was not in the slightest bit surprised that even now her concern was more for her comrade than for herself.  
  
“He is recovering nicely,” he assured her. “The amputation took a lot out of him, but he has been resting well since. His other injuries have been dealt with as well, and he too will be returning home once he is released from the hospital. But, unlike you, he does not have a choice.” He paused as she frowned, his words obviously confusing her. He walked over to the chair pulled up beside her bed and sat down before he told her, “I have been informed that you are expected to make a full recovery. Your doctor seems to believe that your arm has a good chance of completely healing, though he admits to not knowing how long that will take. I am here to tell you that once that happens, as I fully expect it to, we would be honored to have you back at Polis. I could use your help whipping our Marines into shape. Captain Woods.”  
  
Lexa's breath caught in her throat. The change in rank was obvious, as was what he was implying. The idea was one she had thought about often. To be in charge, truly in charge, to decide who goes where and who does what, to lead the many instead of the few: it was a responsibility she had both hoped for and hoped never to have. She could picture it, working alongside Rivo to set up the best attack strategies, best defense strategies, best way to demolish their enemy once and for all. They were thoughts she'd pictured many times over the past five years.  
  
But that day other pictures had been running through her head. Pictures that rotated solely around the blonde still standing out in the hall. Lexa looked away from the Captain, turning back so that she could look at the blonde through the window, still talking with the nurse. She was smiling, and just that caused the brunette to smile softly also. Yes, she had once thought of working alongside Rivo to run Polis, but for so much longer she'd had a different dream, and after years of waiting she was beginning to finally see it take shape, and now that it was she couldn't try to push it away again. So she turned back to the Captain and told him quietly, “I thank you for the offer Captain, and before this I probably would have gladly accepted it, but now I have to politely decline. It's time for me to go home.”  
  
“May I ask why?” he asked, even though he was sure he already knew the reason.  
  
Lexa's gaze moved back to the blonde in the window before she said softly, “I have walked away from her twice now. I cannot do it a third time. I will not do it a third time.” She then turned back to him and added, “Besides, I am a Grounder. How could I believe there could be anything better than that?”  
  
He scanned her face for a moment before he merely grinned, shaking his head.  
  
“I get it,” he said, his eyes darting back over to the window. “And I agree. You'd have to be a fool to walk away from her again.”  
  
“I would,” she agreed, and his grin grew even as he stood up from his chair.  
  
“That doesn't change the promotion though,” he informed her, raising his eyebrows. “You're still Captain Woods now, even if you are leaving us.”  
  
“Thank you,” she replied sincerely, and he just shook his head. “Don't thank me, you earned it, Captain,” he said. He took a few steps towards the door and then stopped, turning back towards her. “Just out of curiosity, what'll you do next, Captain Woods?”  
  
Again, she shrugged with the one shoulder.  
  
“I don't know,” she replied, and then she grinned, unable to control it. “You know, when I was younger that answer would have terrified me. But now...” She trailed off for a moment before she continued, “Now it does not matter what I do, just as long as she is standing beside me while I do it.” The Captain returned the grin and then started to walk towards the door again before she called out, “Captain?” He turned back and raised an eyebrow at her. “You should keep Quint as the leader of the Grounders. I imagine he told you I promoted him?” He nodded, and she said, “He will do well with it, I think. With Ryder and I both leaving, he will have been the one on the team the longest, and I think the responsibility will be good for him.”  
  
“I was thinking the same thing,” he said. “See? We would have made a great team, you and I.”  
  
She grinned again, shaking her head, and then simply told him, “May we meet again, Captain Rivo. Stay safe.”  
  
He merely returned her grin, telling her, “Oh I'm sure we will, Captain Woods. And I'll do my damnedest.”  
  
With a final nod from each of them he left, stopping just outside the door to say something to Clarke, and then Lexa watched him disappear down the hall and a moment later Clarke walked back in the room.  
  
“That was pretty fast,” she said, “What did he want?”  
  
“I will tell you later,” was all she got for a response. “But right now I would very much like for you to come over here and kiss me.”  
  
The blonde grinned, her eyes shining before she replied, “Now that I can definitely do.”

***

Lexa leaned lightly against the wall, taking slow, even breaths. Even with the controlled breathing her damaged ribs caused the pain to shoot through her chest, but she clenched her teeth and tried to ignore it. That pain was becoming something she was getting used to, it flaring up whenever she breathed too deeply or coughed or sneezed or laughed, but even getting used to it didn't mean it didn't still hurt. She looked at the room number on the door she was leaning beside and sighed. She just had to make it to the end of this hall, that was it.  
  
It was the afternoon following Captain Rivo's visit, and she had managed to convince Clarke and her father that they should go out to lunch and get away from the hospital food, even just for an hour or so. She knew the two had barely set foot outside the hospital walls since their arrival a few days ago, and while she truly appreciated the attention, she really did, it also was suffocating her slightly. She just wasn't used to having people hanging over her and telling her what she could and couldn't do, and even though she knew it was merely out of their worry and concern and love for her, she needed a break. So when they had finally agreed to go out to lunch she had smiled at them and told them to have a good time.  
  
And honestly the other reason she had wanted them to go was because Clarke would be furious if she saw her right then. She had only allowed Lexa to get up and walk around her room a few times, and never for more than a few minutes, so seeing her on the other side of the hospital and an entire floor below her own could potentially cause the blonde to have a heart attack. Lexa wished no such thing for the blonde, so she had timed her escape perfectly. She would be gone and back long before they ever returned.  
  
Or so she hoped. She had severally overestimated her ability to make this trip. Her strength had not truly returned yet, and each step she took just made her destination seem further and further away. Pain shot through her at pretty much every move, but she had long ago begun biting the inside of her cheek to try to fight it off. Now she was almost there and refused to turn around until she had seen this through. Because as much as she trusted Clarke and Captain Rivo and even Dr. Cheng when she had managed to get a little information out of him, she had to see for herself that Ryder was doing alright. He was still one of her people, and she had worked too hard to get him here to just leave it to the words of others that he was fine. So as soon as Clarke and her father had left, she had set off.  
  
She pushed herself off the wall carefully and began again, her eyes scanning the numbers on all the doors while she passed them. While talking with Dr. Cheng, she had managed to wheedle Ryder's room number out of him while Clarke had been off doing something, so she knew which room she was looking for, and when she finally found the right door she sighed in relief, wincing at a new burst of pain. She frowned then, noticing both the door closed and the shades drawn, and she wondered if perhaps he wasn't allowed visitors at the moment for some reason. The thought only worried her more, so with a quick glance down the hallway she reached out, carefully turning the door knob and then pushing the door open.  
  
As it opened, she realized why it had been closed and she had a hard time keeping the smile from erupting on her face. Inside the room, all turned to the door with eyes wide, sat every member of her unit. She nearly let out a laugh before she stepped inside, closing the door behind her as quickly as her injured body would allow.  
  
“I did not think patients were allowed to have this many visitors at once,” she stated, eyes scanning each of them, eyebrows raised.  
  
Shet, standing over by the far wall, grinned at her before he replied, “Doesn't really look like you're supposed to be up and moving much, Heda.”  
  
She lifted her chin at him, but then allowed her smile to tug at her lips.  
  
“I will not tell if you do not,” she allowed, and they all grinned and laughed.  
  
“Heda, here, sit,” Echo said, getting up from the chair she had been in at the side of Ryder's bed, and Lexa nodded, slowly moving over to the chair and then carefully lowering herself into it. She knew they all noticed the way she moved and the grimace on her face from the pain as she sat, but none of them made any comments, merely watching her.  
  
“We were planning on coming to you next, Heda,” Tristan told her, the corner of his mouth pulled up. “You just saved us a trip.”  
  
“I am always looking to make your lives easier, Tristan,” she replied, and again they laughed at the joke as that was kind of the opposite of what she had been doing for five years.  
  
“Are you okay, Heda?” Artigas asked, the worry as clear in his tone as it was in his expression. “You really don't look like you should be moving around much.”  
  
Lexa turned to where he stood at the end of Ryder's bed and gave him a small, reassuring smile.  
  
“I am fine, Artigas,” she assured him. “Or, I will be. I am healing.”  
  
Jay moved over to Artigas and slapped him on the back, telling him, “Eh, relax Art, she'll be fine. Nothing keeps the Heda down for long. Those damn Reapers didn't know what they were walking into when they saw you, huh?”  
  
Quint and Marques both spit on the floor at the mention of the Reapers, and Lexa raised her eyebrows at them.  
  
“You do recall that we are in a hospital, and that that is not exactly an accepted form of expression here, yes?” she asked them, and while Marques had the decency to look almost embarrassed, Quint just shrugged at her.  
  
“They leave a bad taste in my mouth,” he replied, meeting her look. “It's how I deal with it. Call it therapy if you want.”  
  
“You will not be able to deal with it in that way when you have your meetings with Captain Rivo,” she informed him. “Even if it is just dirt, he would not enjoy you spitting on his floor.”  
  
The others looked almost confused even as he shrugged again.  
  
“I'll behave for the Captain and smile pretty when I have to... Captain,” he said, nodding his head to her and she returned the nod.  
  
“Captain?” Marques asked, looking at her, and then Echo followed with, “You're not returning?”  
  
Lexa looked around the room, meeting all of their eyes, ending with Ryder, the silent man still watching her from his spot on his bed. She met his eyes and scanned them, looking for something before she answered. He knew it, and nodded, and she returned the nod, the silent assurance that he was well enough to get her to continue. Turning back to the rest she said, “I will not be returning, no. My injuries, though all manageable, are severe enough that I will require physical therapy and there is no guarantee I will have full use of my right arm again. If it does heal, Captain Rivo has already talked to me about returning to Polis and coming back as a Captain and working with him to run the base. I declined.” A few of them looked surprised, and so she said with a simple shrug of her shoulder, “It is time for me to go home. And I am a Grounder; I have no real desire to be anything else in my life as a Marine. So though Captain Rivo says my new title of Captain remains even if I do not return, I have decided not to return. I am proud to be a Grounder, prouder to have had the honor to lead you all, but now it is time for me to go home.”  
  
“You mean go back to your hot blonde ex,” Jay put in, the grin on his face growing when Lexa could not keep her own from turning up the corners of her mouth.  
  
“That is certainly one of the main factors, yes,” she admitted, and a couple of them cheered or cat-called, and she couldn't help but let out the laugh that built up, even if it hurt her to let it out.  
  
“Hell yeah, that's our Heda, going home to get some!” Shet cheered, bumping his fist with Tristan.  
  
She raised her eyebrows at that and then informed him, “I will be getting nothing but yelled at if I am caught away from my room.”  
  
Quint squinted at her, a corner of his mouth turning up.  
  
“I always knew there was a rule breaker inside of there waiting to come out,” he told her, his tone only partially teasing.  
  
“And you will have to tamper down the rule breaker in you, if you do not wish for Captain Rivo to bite off your head,” she advised him. “He will not take some of your antics quite as kindly as I did.”  
  
Tristan scoffed before saying, “Yeah, right before you threw his ass in the dirt.”  
  
They all laughed, but then only laughed harder when Lexa turned to him and said, “Yes, and if I remember correctly there were a few times I threw your ass in the dirt as well, Tristan.” She grinned, pulling her lips back and showing her teeth, causing them all to laugh again and shake their heads.  
  
“Damn Heda, what are we gonna do without you?” Jay asked. “It's hard to imagine the Grounders without you and Ryder.”  
  
“The Grounders will continue,” she replied, meeting his eyes. “Quint will lead you well, and you will all continue to kick Reaper ass. If you do not I just might have to come back, and if you pull me out of my civilian life like that you will not enjoy it when I do return.” They shook their heads at her joking tone, and she grinned at them before she turned back to Ryder, her grin softening. “How are you, Ryder?”  
  
“I am well Heda,” he answered, and then looked down at the bed sheet that covered his lap. “As well as can be expected.” Lexa followed the gaze and noticed that where one leg continued down the bed, the second stopped about half as far as the other did. Her grin fell away completely, her brow pulling down.  
  
“I'm sorry, Ryder,” she told him quietly, looking back up and meeting his gaze. “So sorry.”  
  
“You saved my life, Heda,” he said easily. “You have nothing to be sorry about. If it were not for you, I would have lost a lot more than just my leg. Thank you.”  
  
She simply nodded, unable to say anything else. He may say she had no reason to be sorry, but she still was, and knew that she would always wish she could have done something more to help him. At the same time however, she knew that he was right: because of her actions he had lived, and even if it meant living with only one leg, he now had what she believed could be a long life before him. She had done everything to save her people, and this time she had succeeded.  
  
The others in the room had remained quiet, giving the two their moment, but after that they began to talk again, pulling both Lexa and Ryder into their conversations and even managing to get them both to laugh again. They were listening to Shet and Jay argue about who had the better chance of taking Lexa on now that she was injured and it would be “a much more fair fight,” even Lexa laughing as they tried to prove why each would have the better chance at succeeding, when the door to Ryder's room opened once again and all of their attention was drawn back to it, the room going silent. Lexa's eyes widened when she saw who it was and she almost swore out loud and then actually almost tried to hide her face behind her good hand, as if that would convince Clarke she wasn't actually there, laughing, the pain pulling at her chest but not stopping her, as she sat with her entire unit. She stopped herself just in time, meeting Clarke's angry glare as it turned directly at her.  
  
“Hello Clarke,” she managed to get out smoothly. “How was lunch?”  
  
Clarke's fists were clenched tightly and her eyes shot daggers at the brunette, actually causing her to gulp as the blonde moved over to her. Out of the corner of her eye she saw the wheelchair that Clarke had dragged part way into the room, but her entire focus was on the angry blonde suddenly beside her.  
  
“Alexandria Woods, what the hell are you doing?!” Clarke finally exclaimed, and Lexa's jaw actually dropped open. She had never heard Clarke use her full name before. “Did you actually _walk_ the entire way here by yourself? Are you _trying_ to puncture a lung? Do you know what could _happen_ if one of your broken ribs rips an artery or punctures an organ? Are you actually _trying_ to kill yourself, because if you are I would be happy to do it for you!”  
  
“Oo, Heda, you are in trouuuuble,” Jay sang quietly from across the room, and Lexa closed her eyes. Jay had never learned when to keep his mouth shut, and this was most definitely one of those times as Clarke's burning gaze turned on him.  
  
“Or did one of you think it would be fun to bring her here?” the blonde nearly yelled, eyes not leaving Jay, and the color ran out of his face as his grin dropped. “Did you think it would be _fun_ to come in here and pal around with two _severely injured_ Marines? Ryder needs his _rest_. His leg was amputated just a few days ago, but you all think you can just come in here and goof around? No! This is all against hospital policy, but what, you think just because you're big bad Marines those rules don't apply to you? Well you're wrong, they do, and you're lucky I'm not calling security to come kick you out. But I will Lexa if you do not get back to your room _right now_.”  
  
Lexa nodded quickly, trying to stand up just as quickly but she moved too fast, her energy still drained from her trip to the room, and she nearly fell over. Clarke's hands reached out to catch her, and she was almost surprised to find how gentle they were, even as she continued to glare at the injured girl. The two made their way over to the door, and as they moved, Lexa heard Ryder whisper, “Wanheda.” She saw a few of her people shoot him confused looks and then heard him say, “Terrifying leader.” Her people all nodded, and in that moment Lexa couldn't help but agree.  
  
She moved carefully over to the doorway, about to move to the wheelchair when Clarke stepped around her and pushed the wheelchair into the hall before her and then turned around, giving her a look as though she was waiting for her. Lexa shot her a confused look and then asked, “You are not going to push me?”  
  
“Nope,” was the quick, angry reply. “You wanted to go for a walk, so fine, we'll walk back to your room.”  
  
“But Clarke,” she nearly whined, her body sore and tired, but her people were still all right behind her and in hearing distance and the look on Clarke's face left no room for arguments anyway. So she just sighed, winced, and said, “Fine,” and then began the long walk back, seeing the concerned but very clear “better-you-than-me” looks her people were all giving her as she finally stepped out of the room and someone closed the door behind her.  
  
She only made it part way down the hall before Clarke finally took pity on her and told her to get in the wheelchair, but it would take more than just one night of sucking up to the blonde before she was back in Clarke's good graces. As she sat in the wheelchair, Clarke pushing it behind her in a silent rage, Lexa vowed to herself to do whatever Clarke told her to from then on. She never, ever wanted to make the blonde that mad at her again: the Wanheda was terrifying. 

***

Lexa's left hand tightened around her glass before she brought it up to her lips, feeling the cool water running down her dry throat. As she drank her eyes remained focused over the rim of the glass, darting from one person to another quickly, trying to keep track of everyone. She had not been around this many people for some time, and it was beginning to get a bit overwhelming, especially since they all seemed to want to talk to her. At the moment though everyone seemed to have found entertainment elsewhere, so she took the brief moment to take a long, slow breath as she lowered her glass again, ignoring the pain the breath caused to shoot through her chest. Really, as much as she wanted her arm healed and working in proper order again, she would also be very happy when her ribs had finally fully healed and the simple act of breathing no longer became a challenge.  
  
It had been almost three weeks since the mission. For nearly two weeks they had kept her in the hospital, Dr. Cheng keeping her under close watch to be sure that all of her injuries were healing the way he had hoped they would, and then he had finally released her. It hadn't of been soon enough, in Lexa's opinion: if she never smelled disinfectant again it would be too soon, and now even just the sight of a hospital gown made her glare. The hospital was Clarke's world, and Lexa was more than happy to leave it to her.  
  
Upon her release from the hospital she had returned home with Clarke and her father, and while that had been the best plane ride she'd ever had in her life simply due to the fact that she had been tucked between them, it had also been the longest and most painful. Finally she had made it back home, and while it was certainly odd, returning to the house and bedroom she had spent her entire childhood in, there was a comfort to it. It also didn't hurt that Clarke had spent the majority of the week there with her. Lexa had tried at first to tell her that she should return to her residency, that she must have hours she needed to make up and work that she needed to do, but Clarke had insisted. For most of the week she had been by Lexa's side, helping her whenever she needed it and spending the time she didn't need help just holding her. Lexa knew it was a mixture of not trusting Lexa to take it easy (her unapproved trip to Ryder's room at the hospital had apparently proven to Clarke just how little she could be trusted to take care of herself) and the fear that still lingered behind from what had nearly happened. Lexa understood and didn't complain, her own fears still just below the surface as well, so for the most part she hadn't fought Clarke's decision to stay with her. Only in the past two days had the blonde gone back to her residency, though even then Lexa knew she hadn't worked nearly as many hours as she would have if not for Lexa and her injuries. The brunette had had to promise to take it easy and not push herself, to which she readily agreed. She was allowed to walk around now but often had to rest, her strength still not back up to what it had been before the attack, and so had kept to simply walking around her house or just outside it if she was feeling really adventurous, truly not pushing herself too hard. For the most part, at least. There may have been one or two times when she had done something Clarke probably would have glared at her for had she been there or found out, but those things had all been necessary.  
  
The Marine took another sip of her water, eyes still darting around the room. She knew all these people, knew them well, and truly there weren't that many of them, but after three weeks with just Clarke, her father, a few doctors and nurses and a visitor every now and then, even this crowd seemed large.  
  
The party had been Jake's idea. Apparently as soon as he and Abby found out from Clarke that she was coming home, the two had decided to host a welcoming party for her. They had planned it for a week after she got back in order to give her more time to rest, but Lexa still knew Clarke didn't love the idea of it. She had worried it would be too much for her, and Lexa had had to promise to spend most of the time sitting down and doing her best to relax. Even now Lexa could feel the blonde's eyes on her from the other side of the room, could practically feel her gaze scanning her for any signs of exhaustion or more-than-usual discomfort. She looked up and over to where she knew the blonde was standing and sure enough, those blue eyes were on her. She merely smiled slightly, giving the other girl a small nod to reassure her, and she watched Clarke wince, knowing she had been caught. She shrugged, as if to say, “I'm sorry, I can't help it,” and Lexa just gave her another smile.  
  
“You know the Griffins really know how to throw together a party,” Raven said, flopping on the couch near Lexa before she put her own glass on the small table in front of them, her actions more controlled than they appeared as her movements did nothing to jostle the Marine. “Just think what they could do if they were given more than just a week to prepare. Guess now we know where Clarke gets it.”  
  
“And they've got the good stuff,” Jasper added as he sat in one of the chairs near them. He held up the glass in his hand, the golden amber liquid in it sloshing around. “Just imagine how drunk we could have gotten if we'd known they had this stuff when we were in high school!”  
  
Raven raised an eyebrow at him before telling him, “Jasper, I don't think you play King's cup with high-end scotch. I really don't see that going too well. Plus if we'd a broken into their liquor cabinet, don't you think they would have realized what we did here every time they left, and maybe wouldn't have left as much?”  
  
“You make a valid point,” he gave her before he took a sip of his drink and then smacked his lips together. He turned to Lexa, seeing her water in her hand and asked, “What, not drinking tonight Lexa? I think after what you've gone through you deserve one!”  
  
Lexa felt one corner of her mouth turn up as she informed him, “I do not think it would be wise to mix the medications that I am on with alcohol, so unfortunately no. Even if I wished to I find it hard to believe that Clarke would let me, so I will stick to water tonight.”  
  
“Damn, that sucks,” he replied, shaking his head, and then he grinned and asked, “What meds are you on? Anything fun?”  
  
Monty, walking up behind him, heard the question and smacked his best friend upside the head before shaking his own. “Dude, no. Just no.”  
  
Lexa contained her laughter while Jasper complained at being hit and Raven said, “Thank you Monty, you just saved me the trouble of having to get up to do the same thing.”  
  
“What?!” Jasper exclaimed and they both just shook their heads at him.  
  
Ignoring Jasper, Monty turned to Lexa as Anya wandered over, casually sitting on the arm of the couch near the brunette.  
  
“So Lexa, how are you doing?” he asked, and as he asked she saw Anya studying her from the corner of her eye, clearing also trying to make an assessment of how the brunette was doing.  
  
Lexa gave them her one shoulder shrug as she answered, “I am well enough. Healing. Clarke has been taking good care of me.”  
  
“I bet she's been keeping a close eye on you after that stunt you pulled at the hospital,” Raven said with a smirk before she picked up her glass and took a sip of her own drink. Lexa merely rolled her eyes as the others all raised their eyebrows at her.  
  
“Oo Lexa, what'd you do to piss off Clarke?” Jasper asked eagerly, sitting forward in his chair a little.  
  
“It was not a big deal,” she replied, but Raven cut her off.  
  
“Uh, hell yeah it was,” the other brunette said as she leaned forward, putting her glass back down. “Clarke told me all about it.” She turned to the others and told them, “And she was _pissed_. Someone,” she gave Lexa a pointed look, “thought that it was fine, four days after being at the hospital, four days after being blown up and getting the crap kicked out of her,” she turned back to Lexa and added, “No offense,” before continuing, “And only a day after a _second_ surgery, somebody thought it was fine to go on a little stroll by herself through the hospital and go hang with her Marine buddies. That did not make our Princess happy.”  
  
All three of them looked at her incredulously, clearing telling her what they thought of that.  
  
“I did not know you were a fool,” Anya stated, her eyebrows raised, and while neither Monty or Jasper said anything, their looks said basically the same thing.  
  
“There was a reason,” she told them, her voice rising a little before she brought it down. “I did not do it to 'hang with my Marine buddies,' I did it to make sure a friend and comrade was also alright.”  
  
Raven simply shook her head, telling her almost in a sing-song voice, “Still shoulda waited for Clarke. She takes injuries very seriously.”  
  
“I am aware of that now, and believe me, I now listen to her fully,” she replied, and her brow creased when she saw Raven and Jasper both smirk.  
  
“Lexa's whipped,” Jasper sang out, the glee all too evident in his voice.  
  
“As if we didn't already know that,” Raven said, but her glee was clear as well.  
  
Lexa raised her head, her chin sticking out, seeing no reason to dignify that with a response. She almost wished she had the same power over them she had over the Grounders, but knew they knew too much about her to truly fear her glare now the way her people did.  
  
Luckily the conversation shifted when Lexa's eyes were drawn to movement on Raven's other side. Emma, the now almost two year old, had just snuck up around the back of the couch and was eyeing Raven's glass on the table.  
  
“Raven,” Lexa stated, gesturing with her head, and Raven looked at her curiously before she turned around, seeing Emma just as she was about to go for the glass.  
  
“Oh Emma honey, no,” she called softly, grabbing the glass before the little girl could.  
  
“Juice!” Emma cried, a grin breaking out on her face as she reached up, as though thinking now that Raven knew what she wanted she would give it to her.  
  
“No honey, this is grown-up juice,” Raven told her, holding it out of the little girl's reach. Lexa put her own glass down and then grabbed the glass from Raven, getting it farther away from the little girl. Raven shot her a thankful look before she suddenly swooped down, grabbing Emma and pulling her up on her lap. Emma laughed and then began to shriek in glee when Raven pulled up her shirt slightly and began to blow raspberries on her stomach.  
  
“Aunie Raben no!” the little girl shrieked between her laughs. “My belly!”  
  
“Your belly? Nu uh this is my belly!” Raven told her, blowing another raspberry and causing another shriek of laughter to spill forth. She stopped then and helped Emma to sit up, bouncing her slightly with her good leg.  
  
“No my belly!” Emma insisted, her smile huge as she clapped her hands together.  
  
“Fine, it's your belly,” Raven gave in as though she'd lost some great argument. She grinned then and pointed at Lexa, saying, “Hey Em, do you remember who this is?” Emma's focus shifted to Lexa, giving her an almost shy look before she shook her head. “This is Auntie Lexa, remember? You met her earlier tonight.”  
  
Emma's eyes seemed to study Lexa for a moment before she asked, “Aunie Lela?”  
  
“Yep, Aunie Lela,” Raven agreed. “Aunie Lela's gonna be around a lot more often now.”  
  
Emma gave an almost solemn nod to that, and then her eyes were drawn to the glass still in Lexa's hand. “Juice!” she exclaimed once again, reaching forward as Raven's arms curled around her.  
  
“Alright alright little monster, let's go find your mother and brother and see if they have your juice cup, how does that sound?” Raven asked, standing up with a groan and lifting Emma up with her.  
  
“Yeah!” she exclaimed, making everyone else laugh or grin as Raven turned away, heading to where Octavia had last been seen in the kitchen.  
  
As they left, Lexa reached forward and placed Raven's glass on the table, noticing that her own cup was empty. She braced her good arm on the arm of the couch, careful not to push at Anya, as she said, “I think I will go refill my glass as well.” With a grimace she pushed herself up, feeling Anya's hand on her back to help brace her, and she shot a thankful look to her best friend. Anya simply nodded, and then grabbed Lexa's glass for her, handing it to the brunette. With a nod to all of them she stepped away, passing Maya as she walked over to join Jasper in his chair. They nodded at each other, neither saying anything as they didn't really know each other well, and then Lexa continued on. She saw Clarke shoot her a worried look from the side of the room where she was talking with Lincoln and Bellamy, but Lexa simply met her gaze and gave her another smile. She moved into the kitchen, finding her father, Jake and Abby all sitting around the table talking and laughing, clearly all perfectly comfortable spending time together again. To the far side of the room Octavia was smiling at her daughter and handing her a sippy cup of what Lexa assumed to be juice while Raven stood next to her, holding and crooning to the little baby boy Octavia had given birth to barely a month earlier.  
  
She had planned on just getting her water and returning to the living room, but seeing everyone together again, so much the same and so much now different, she suddenly began to feel a little overwhelmed, so instead she placed her glass next to the sink and then moved quietly to the sliding door, needing to get a little air. She stepped out onto the deck, quietly sliding the door shut behind her, and let out a deep breath as she closed her eyes, breathing in the night air. Just being in Clarke's house again... She felt the smile tugging at the corners of her lips. Just being in Clarke's house again felt strange, but a wonderful kind of strange. She was comfortable there, even after so many years away, and that almost seemed odd to the brunette, as though she shouldn't feel so content. But she did.  
  
She opened her eyes again and then walked forward, stepping down off the deck and moving further into the yard. Her eyes swept around, and with the light from the deck she could see all of the things she remembered, and again it was as though time had stood still. The pool was still there, the tree house over in the corner of the yard, even the same lounge chairs were still arranged in almost the same places she remembered them being. So much had changed, and yet all of this was still the same. Something about just knowing that caused the butterflies in her stomach to calm down just the slightest. She reached up with her good hand and traced her fingers against a bit of the thin chain of the necklace her father had helped her put on earlier that evening, a weird energy humming through her. She could feel the end of the necklace where it rested against her chest beneath her shirt, and her fingers moved to trace over what she could feel hanging from it. Yes, everything had changed and nothing had changed, and standing here again just felt so good.  
  
She heard the door slide open but didn't have to turn around to know who it was. She smiled when she heard, “Lexa? You okay?,” and then turned, smiling at Clarke as she walked down the steps of the deck to join her.  
  
“Yes, I am okay Clarke,” she assured the blonde, but that assurance didn't stop the other girl's eyes from scanning her face.  
  
“You sure?” she asked, her brow pulled down just slightly in worry. “Are you getting tired? We can go if you want. We don't have to stay if this is too much for you.”  
  
She reached out, taking Clarke's hand in hers, and tugged on it a little. Clarke stepped forward, closing the space that was between them, and then Lexa leaned forward slightly, gently pressing her lips to the blonde's. She felt the blonde's lips quirk up before they returned the pressure. They kissed for a long moment before Clarke pulled back, her lips still grinning slightly as she asked, “Is that your plan now? Kiss me every time I start to worry about you?”  
  
“Would it convince you to stop worrying?” Lexa countered quietly, her own mouth curling into a smile.  
  
“Not likely, but I do admit it is distracting,” Clarke gave her, so Lexa simply shrugged.  
  
“It is worth a try, then,” she said, her smile growing, before a bit of a frown took its place.  
  
Clarke saw the change right away and asked her, “What's wrong? And don't try to kiss me to distract me this time because it won't work.”  
  
Lexa flashed her a quick smile before she replied, “It is nothing, I just think my necklace is pulling against a bit of my hair. Would you mind unclasping it for me?”  
  
The blonde smiled in relief, saying, “Is that it? Yeah, sure, turn around.” Lexa did as she was told. “Thank you Clarke,” she said, and then when she felt Clarke's fingers begin to work at the clasp she lifted her good hand up, carefully pulling the chain from beneath her shirt. She could feel her heart start beating faster as it and its cargo weighed heavy in the palm of her hand while she waited for Clarke to release it and her butterflies began to swarm around in her stomach once again. It was time, and she just hoped none of her words would get caught in her throat.  
  
“Clarke, I do have a confession to make,” she stated, and she could feel Clarke nearly stiffen behind her even as she felt the clasp finally come undone, the chain sliding down Lexa's neck and pooling in her hand along with the rest of the necklace. Her fingers curled around it, hiding it as she turned around, meeting Clarke's suddenly suspicious eyes once again.  
  
“Oh yeah Lexa,” the blonde said slowly, “And what exactly do you have to confess and am I going to have to yell at you again?”  
  
“I hope not,” the brunette admitted, “But I suppose we will see. I have to confess that I lied to you yesterday, Clarke.” Clarke's eyebrows shot up, and Lexa noticed her lips tighten into a thin line. Lexa didn't let the look stop her. “When you returned after working your residency hours I told you I had spent the day relaxing as you had requested. I did not. Instead Octavia and Raven picked me up, and we went out. I needed their help with something.” Lexa could see the fury building in the blonde just below the surface, but she still remained quiet, not yet at the point of yelling. Seeing the expression, Lexa couldn't keep in the small smile that grew on her lips, and that smile seemed to throw the blonde off, as suddenly she was looking at her in confusion. Lexa wanted to press her hand to the other girl's cheek, but her one good hand still held the necklace in it, so she resisted the urge. “Clarke,” she said softly, and the tone of her voice seemed to wipe away any other anger that had been building in the blonde, though her confusion was still clear. “The day I left for college and the Marines, right before I got on the plane you told me that when I came back for good I had better be ready to ask you to marry me.” Clarke's eyebrows shot up, her mouth falling open slightly. “I do not know how true those words were to you. I do not know if they mean to you now what they did then. But.” Her fingers fell open, hand up between them, and Clarke looked down to see the ring resting on the palm of her hand, the chain of Lexa's necklace threaded through it still. “I am home now Clarke. I am home for good, and I am ready to marry you. I have been ready to marry you for years. I love you, more than I ever knew I could love someone, and I wish to spend my life with you.” She paused for a moment and then added with a little grin, “I would get down on one knee, but I think that might cause you to yell at me, and I would prefer there not be any yelling at this moment.”  
  
Clarke let out a wet laugh, the tears building in her eyes, and then she let out another laugh. And then another. Lexa frowned, unsure exactly what that reaction meant, but then Clarke reached into her pocket and when she held her hand back up, a ring of her own was held firmly in her fingers.  
  
“I was giving you three more days,” she informed the brunette in what could have been considered a stern tone if her eyes hadn't been shining quite so much. “I gave you a little leeway because of your injuries, but after another three days I wasn't going to wait anymore, and I was going to ask you. I told you Lexa; you are my dream. A life with you, that's my dream. That's all I need.”  
  
Lexa laughed. She laughed and at the same time she cried because it was their dream, a dream they both had believed for years would never come true, and now it was. So she laughed and she cried and then she hooked her arm around Clarke's waist and pulled her close. And then she was kissing her. She was kissing her, and Clarke was kissing her back, and they were both still laughing and crying and it really wasn't a kiss at all because of that, but it was close enough that it didn't matter.  
  
“Well it's about damn time!” they heard suddenly, Raven's voice breaking through the moment.  
  
They pulled just far enough apart so that they could turn and look back up on the deck, and there they found everyone they had thought they'd left inside standing and watching them. As soon as they looked up everyone was cheering and all talking at once, and again they both just started laughing, and Clarke reached up to gently wipe the tear streaks from Lexa's cheeks before doing the same for her own. Seeing everyone turned Lexa's attention back to the task at hand, and carefully she took Clarke's left hand and slowly placed the engagement ring on her finger. Clarke grinned, and then did the same to her. Only then did the blonde get a good look at both rings together and then she was laughing again. Lexa raised her eyebrow, her glance darting down to their hands, still close together, before asking, “What?”  
  
“The rings,” Clarke explained, shaking her head, “They match.”  
  
“What?” Lexa repeated, this time in surprise, and then both hands were raised so that she could get a closer look at them. Clarke was right: though clearly not from a matching set, they still looked to go together perfectly. “How?” she just asked, shocked.  
  
Clarke just grinned as she said, “Raven and O might have come with me to pick your ring out too. I'd say they were thinking about what I got while they were with you yesterday.”  
  
Lexa's jaw dropped as she heard Raven cackle from the deck, Octavia throwing them a smug look. Lexa looked at them and then back to Clarke, and with a shake of her head and a grin, she merely asked, “Do you ever get the feeling that Octavia and Raven are much too involved in our love life?”  
  
Clarke laughed.  
  
“All the damn time,” she replied.  
  
“Auntie Clarke, language,” Octavia scolded, though she couldn't possibly wipe the smile off of her face even if she tried. Everyone was swarming down from the deck now, surrounding the two newly engaged women, all still trying to talk over each other. Octavia made it to them first, however, her son in her arms, and Clarke reached out, taking the little guy from her. The mother just grinned as Clarke cradled the happy baby against her shoulder, cooing, “I'm sorry Jonas, but it's true. Your Mommy and Auntie Raven are just constantly pushing themselves into me and Auntie Lexa's love life and some people would think it's a little weird.” She looked up at Octavia, even as she leaned gently against Lexa. “Not us, of course,” she added, a smile playing at her lips.  
  
“You better not,” Raven butted in, carefully slinging an arm over Lexa's good shoulder. “Considering we're the whole reason you two are engaged and everything.”  
  
Lexa raised her eyebrows at that, saying, “I do believe Clarke and I had some control over getting to this point, Raven.”  
  
“Nope,” the other girl said, shaking her head, “It was all us, and if we'd a left it up to you two you'd have no idea you still had the hots for each other. So you're welcome.”  
  
Lexa just shook her head, and then turned to Clarke, seeing her still grinning down at Jonas. She must have noticed Lexa turn to her though, because she looked up, a twinkle in her eyes as she said, “I hope you know that I want to have one of these things with you someday.”  
  
Lexa felt her heart burst, her own eyes shining, but merely replied, “Only one? I have always pictured us with a large family, personally.”  
  
From the size of Clarke's smile, she didn't seem to dislike that idea one bit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There you all go: I've been told over and over and over again that this better have a happy ending and that Lexa and Clarke better end up together, and now you all know what I have known for months: they do. I hope to get the final chapter up this weekend or early next week, and then you will all see just exactly how happily together they are. And then "The Note" will be complete, which is really weird for me to think about.
> 
> For those of you very sad by that fact, please don't be! I am far from done with writing, and definitely far from done with our Clexa. I have two more stories that I plan to write, one of which is a sequel to this. That story is going to be entitled "Continuum" (I believe, though titles often change), but for a while my main focus is going to be on my other story, "Unbroken" (that title most definitely won't be changing). "Unbroken" is my take on what should happen after Clarke walks away from Camp Jaha and how what she's had to do has effected her (and how it's effected everyone else). I have been planning this story for almost a year now and am really, really excited to start getting it out of just my head, and hope you all will give it a chance. But anyway, that's just me promoting my own future writing and also trying to comfort those of you who are sad to see "The Note" end: there will be more to read, I promise! Thanks everybody!


	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In honor of the announcement that season three of "The 100" will begin on January 21st (who else is FLIPPIN EXCITED?!), here is the final chapter for "The Note." Enjoy, and if you don't have tissues near you, you might want to grab some before you start reading. Just a piece of friendly advise.
> 
> Also, I just wanted to thank all of you for all of the amazing support you've given me during this entire process. Though I didn't always reply to your comments, I hope you know that I loved every single one of them, as well as every kudo that I received, and also just so appreciate that you all have taken the time to read this story. Thank you, and an even bigger thank you to those of you who read the first chapter and wanted more when I had no plan to really write more: this story wouldn't exist if not for you guys, so thank you so, so much!
> 
> Anyway, enjoy!

**Seven Months Later**

“Drink, drink, drink, drink!”  
  
Lexa held the cold glass to her lips, feeling the cheap beer flow over her tongue and down the back of her throat. She didn't stop, letting the cheers spurn her on until the glass that had moments ago been full was finally empty, swallowing the last big gulp before she slammed the glass back down on the table, smacking her lips with a huge grin on her face. Everyone around her cheered, Shet slapping her on the back, and then everyone raised their own glass to her, taking long drinks of their own.  
  
It was two days before the wedding, and Anya, Lincoln and her unit along with Captain Rivo had taken her out for her bachelorette party. It had not been her idea to write to the Marines: it had been Clarke's. She hadn't even bothered trying, figuring they had work they must be busy with, surely they wouldn't be able to take time away from fighting just to celebrate her wedding. One person leaving for a wedding was one thing, but an entire unit was another thing, so the thought had truly never even crossed Lexa's mind. It crossed Clarke's though, and the blonde had reached out to Rivo, asking him if the unit would by any chance be able to make it for the wedding. To Lexa's surprise she had received a letter only a week or so later informing both women that the entire unit and the Captain would be there, and that they would be taking a couple of days off around the wedding as well. The end of the letter had informed Lexa to be ready, as her unit had already begun planning her bachelorette party, and Clarke had laughed when she read that and Lexa had merely shook her head.  
  
The knowledge that the group of Marines would be taking care of Lexa's bachelorette party had been a relief to Anya, her maid-of-honor, not much of a party planner herself, and so she and her brother had merely had to tag along. Lexa had been unsure of what it would be like, having her two oldest friends along with her and the unit she had led for so many years, but a couple of hours into the evening and more than a couple of drinks in and they seemed to be doing just fine. Lincoln had no trouble laughing with them all, and even Anya seemed comfortable enough with them. Of course, Lexa was simply enjoying watching Jay and Tristan take turns trying to hit on the other woman, neither of whom Anya was showing any interest in at all. She could have told them not to even bother trying, Anya had never really shown any romantic interest in anyone as far as Lexa knew, but watching was too entertaining and she knew that they would both back off the moment Anya told them to. They were both good guys, as much as she knew they were a couple of horny Marines, and besides, Anya had proven time and again that she could take care of herself. If they pushed too hard, they would get the glare that Lexa had learned as a child, the terrifying look that she had used to create her own glare, and the fact that she knew her glare worked on them made her positive that if they ever managed to get Anya's they would run away with their metaphoric tails between their legs. So instead of speaking up, she merely watched the show, grinning to herself as Jay once again leaned forward, trying to say something quietly to the other woman, Anya merely rolling her eyes when she met Lexa's look from across the table. The soon-to-be bride laughed, the alcohol mixing in her veins along with the general excitement she felt to be around them all again, and she knew that she wouldn't be able to hide her joy right then even if she'd wanted to. Which she definitely did not want to do at all.  
  
“Alright Heda, come on, take a shot with me,” Tony called out, sliding a shot across the table to her which she caught, a little bit of the alcohol splashing over the rim of the shot glass and hitting her hand. It turned out that once Captain Rivo knew about the engagement and the trip the unit would be taking, he had made contact with the other man, and Tony had been thrilled to meet up with the unit again, thereby bringing the Grounders all back together.  
  
Lexa grinned over to him, telling him and the rest of them, “You are all trying to get me drunk.” Nevertheless she wrapped her fingers around the glass and lifted it up. She raised it up in a silent toast and he did the same with his own shot before they both tossed the liquid into their mouths, successfully feeling the burning liquid slide down the back of their throats. They both hissed a little at the burn, but then grinned at each other again.  
  
Shet slung his arm around her shoulders, leaning against her as he called loudly, “No Heda, we're not trying to get you drunk: we're trying to get you plastered.”  
  
A bunch of them cheered at that, clearly in agreement, before they once again raised their beers to their lips, taking another long drink. Lexa let her laughter ring out, even as Captain Rivo, sitting on her other side, slid another full glass of beer over to her. She accepted the drink, saying, “Thank you, Captain.” The man just shook his head, one corner of his mouth turned up in a grin as he replied, “I'm not your Captain tonight, Woods.” He looked around the table, indicating that the words were meant for all of them there as he added, “Tonight I am just a Marine drinking with his friends, celebrating the fact that in two days you will no longer be a single woman.”  
  
Another cheer went up from the table, and Lexa was sure the other people in the crowded bar must be giving them all strange looks, but she didn't care. She just shook her own head, her grin only growing as she told him, “I don't think I've exactly been a single woman in quite some time Cap... Rivo.”  
  
“Nu uh, our Heda's had her hot blonde not-so-much-an-ex-anymore tying her down for awhile, ain't chya, Heda?” Jay asked, giving her a knowing wink before taking a swig of his drink.  
  
Lexa used the opportunity of him taking a drink to tell him, “I'd say I'm the one who's tying her down more often than not, but I do like to mix it up sometimes.” The wicked glint in her eye only grew when he started choking, her words clearly having the desired effect as he suddenly inhaled some of his beer. Everyone else started laughing as Tony began pounding on his back as Jay placed his glass back on the table, his eyes wide even as he coughed.  
  
“Damn Heda, you could kill a guy, giving him images like that to think about,” he finally managed to get out, his voice a little hoarse. A number of her people nodded and she just rolled her eyes and shook her head.  
  
“At least you only have to imagine it,” Anya spoke up, her voice easily carrying over the table. “You might not think it's so hot when you've inadvertently had to hear them go at it.” Lexa turned to glare at her, having forgotten that there were people there who actually knew something about her life with Clarke, and then her attention was turned to Lincoln as the man added his own two cents.  
  
“Anya's right,” he agreed, his eyes dancing at Lexa as he spoke, even as she shot a glare at him. “Those two have never been able to keep their hands off of each other, no matter how many other people are there. They think they're quiet when they sneak into the other room to fool around: they're not.”  
  
Most of the people at the table started laughing, and even those who didn't couldn't keep the grins from their faces. Lexa shot another glare at the siblings, both easily meeting the glare, and then stood up, pushing her chair back from the table.  
  
“Alright, well if you're gonna start talking about my sex life, I'm seriously going to need to be more drunk than I am now,” she informed them, picking up both the empty shot glass and beer glass.  
  
“Hey, you brought it up Heda” Shet told her, wiggling his eyebrows at her slightly, causing her to just roll her eyes.  
  
“And I am immediately regretting it,” she replied quickly, pushing herself away from the table to make the short trek to the bar. Quint stood as well, his own chair scraping against the floor as he said, “I'll go with you. You ain't buying any of your own drinks tonight.” She just nodded, and then the two left the table, just as Tristan turned to Anya and asked, “So our Heda isn't quiet when she's got the Wanheda against her, huh?”  
  
Lexa rolled her eyes as she walked away, but she couldn't help but let the little smile appear on her lips. Clarke's title had never gone away, and she had noticed that her people almost never called her by name, always referring to her as the “hot blonde ex” or the “Wanheda.” Considering they never called her by name even now that she had been away from them for a while, instead still sticking to “Heda,” she found that kind of entertaining.  
  
She and Quint finally reached the bar, waiting until there was an opening in the people standing around it to step up to it. Lexa placed the empty glasses on the hard surface and they were almost immediately taken away. As soon as they were gone one of the bartenders looked at the two of them, giving them a smile and asked, “What can I get you both?”  
  
Quint gestured over to their table, telling him, “We'll have another round of shots for the table, I'll have two more beers, and make her some mixed drink that'll get her real drunk, real fast.” The bartender looked to her to be sure, but she just shrugged and nodded, and he left to get the order taken care of. While they waited, the two leaned against the bar, eyes drifting back to their table.  
  
“They all look good,” she said suddenly, her eyes scanning over the face of each member of what had once been her unit. “You must be doing a good job with them. It looks like you are, at least.”  
  
He shrugged at her, also looking back at the table before saying, “Eh, we're doing alright I guess. It ain't the same without you an' Ryder, but we're getting by. It's... weird, leading them, being in charge of the unit, but we're making it work. Captain Rivo's a pain in my ass, but he's a good commanding officer. Not as good as some, but good.” He ended by looking back at her and shrugging again.  
  
His words warmed her, better than even the alcohol had. Hearing that from him, the one who had always given her the hardest time, felt good. She knew he wouldn't want to hear that though, and honestly she didn't really want to say it, this whole moment getting a little too emotional for either of them to be entirely comfortable. So instead she just nodded and said, “Yeah, Rivo can be a pain, but he knows what he's doing. If you have to report to someone, he's a good guy to have to do so to.”  
  
Quint nodded, one hand up on the bar and fingernails almost digging against the wood. She looked over to him, only to find him scowling slightly. The look wasn't directed to her, and then she heard him sigh. “Look Heda,” he began, his tone almost quiet except it couldn't be entirely quiet or she'd never be able to hear him in the noisy bar, “I never apologized to you. You know, for being a real dick to you at first. I was stupid. Just a complete asshole who didn't know what the hell he was talking about. You were an amazing leader, and we were all lucky to have you as our Lieutenant. If we hadn't had you, we'd all a been dead ten times over. So I'm sorry. For all the shit I pulled, all the stupid stuff I said. I was just a dick.”  
  
“You were,” she easily agreed, nodding, and he met her gaze. “But you also made me tougher. Made me work harder. I was fresh out of school when the Grounders were formed, and some of your words had merit. You and Ryder and the other guys who were there when the unit was first formed had been Marines longer than me, had been actively fighting and not just in classes learning. You kept pushing me to be better, and that helped me, even if it drove me crazy at the time.”  
  
“You never let it show,” he answered, his lips quirking up into a half smile. “It pissed me off that I could never get you to blow up, couldn't even get you to wipe that uncaring look off your face. Pissed me off that nothing I did or said had any effect.”  
  
“It all had its effect,” Lexa replied, shrugging, “I just let it drive me harder instead of letting it break me down. I was too damn stubborn to let anyone change my plans, especially not someone accusing me of sleeping with just about every man at Polis.”  
  
Quint chuckled, saying, “Yeah, I really didn't get my facts right with that one.” He paused then, his grin falling a little as he shook his head again. “Anyway, I just wanted you to know that I am sorry. For all of it. And to let you know that it really was an honor to follow you for so long. If I can even be half as good a leader as you, it'll be more than I can even imagine.”  
  
She didn't really know what to say to that, his words meaning more to her than she could really form words around, so she just hit him lightly on the shoulder, the unit's way of saying thanks. He nodded to her, and then looked down as she pulled her hand away. He cleared his throat a little, clearly trying to get the emotion out of his voice before he said gruffly, “It looks like it's healed well, then.”  
  
Lexa looked down at the arm she just used, almost subconsciously flexing her hand as she did so. It was her right arm, her injured arm, and yes, it was healing. It wasn't at a hundred percent yet, but she could move it, it no longer hurt, and she hoped that it could only get better. For four months she had gone to physical therapy three to four times a week, with little to no progress to show for it. And then finally the arm had started responding to her, and for over a month now she'd had no problems moving it at all. It was still tender at times, and her grip with her right hand wasn't as firm as it had once been, too much damage done to her nerves, but overall she was happy with it. She continued to go to physical therapy, now only once or twice a week, and she was still working on building up the strength in the arm, but it was healing, and that was all she could ask for.  
  
“Yeah,” she finally answered, lifting the arm again and clenching her fist. “It still is not what it was before the mission, but I can move it, and it no longer hurts. It is healing.”  
  
The bartender returned at that moment, sliding a tray in front of them with the shots on it and then setting the three drinks down next to it, and Quint nodded to him, telling him, “Thanks.” He turned to Lexa then, grabbing the tray as Lexa carefully grabbed all three drinks, and just said, “Good, I'm happy to know that.”  
  
She returned his nod, and without another word they started back to the table, walking carefully so as not to spill too much of the drinks. They reached the table and Quint set the tray down and then took both beers from Lexa. He turned and handed one to Ryder, sitting not far from Lexa's seat, earning a nod of thanks from the bigger man. Ryder had managed to join them also, and he had made a comment at the beginning of the night that it would be his first night out with his “new leg.” He'd had the prosthetic for a couple of months now, but hadn't spent much time out and about with it. He had done well with it so far, having no trouble keeping up with them (though they all kept a watchful eye out, being sure to slow down if needed), and it had only been in the last hour he had decided he needed to sit down for awhile. That was how the group had ended up staying at the one bar so long, and as Lexa looked around at them all laughing and joking, she didn't see any reason for them to leave any time soon. Quint moved back over to his chair, sitting down and quickly laughing at something Marques said, and Lexa looked around the table once again as she too sat down. Anya was talking to both Jay and Tristan, and while she showed no kind of romantic or sexual interest in either of them, Lexa thought she at least looked like she was enjoying talking with them. They both also seemed interested in what she was saying, and more than just in the “I'll pay attention in the hopes that eventually we can get naked together” kind of way. Lincoln seemed focused on the conversation he was having with Echo, Shet and Tony, and across from them Lexa noticed Ryder paying attention to the conversation too, clearly interested. Quint quickly fell into Marques's and Artigas's conversation, wasting no time in picking on the youngest of the Grounders, who also had only within the past year turned twenty-one, and who was quite clearly feeling his alcohol, having not paced himself at all. Rivo was also watching them, grinning at the young Marine having a hard time holding his liquor. Lexa let her own smile form as she watched Artigas swat at Quint, completely missing him, but even as she smiled she felt a small tug at her chest. It had been a long time since she sat with all of these people, and seeing all of their faces just reminded her of who was missing.  
  
Suddenly she reached forward, her fingers circling around one of the as-of-yet untouched shots in the middle of the table, raising it up. She saw everyone turn to her, eyeing her in slight confusion before they too reached forward, each grabbing a shot and lifting it up. Once she saw everyone holding a glass, she called quietly, “To Fio. The only one of us not here. A brave Marine, and a great man.”  
  
They all turned solemn the moment she started talking, and she noticed all of the Marine's hold their arms up a little straighter. Even Anya and Lincoln turned serious, their eyes meeting Lexa's. They had no connection to the man she was talking about, but she could feel their respect for him anyway.  
  
“To Fio,” they all echoed, and then they all tossed back the shots, the burning of the liquid also burning away any sadness any of them might be feeling from the toast and memory of their fallen comrade.  
  
And then they were laughing and joking again, and the main cause of the laughter was the one they were really there to celebrate. The Marines began telling stories about Lexa, filling Anya and Lincoln in on what her life had been like as a Marine. In turn her two oldest friends told them some of their own stories of the brunette, and soon Lexa was shaking her head, the grin plastered on her face even as she hid her face in her hands. Her people were never supposed to know about that time when she was ten and had tried to beat up an older kid on the playground just because he had made fun of Anya's hair, only to lose the fight when the other kid pushed her into a mud puddle.  
  
She was about to make a retort to the story, especially when Tristan said something about how that explained why she had always seemed to find a mud puddle to throw them into when they were training, when she felt her phone in her pocket vibrate a few times. Ignoring them all for a moment, she took it out, her brow turning down in confusion when she saw who had texted her and what they had said. 

**Jasper: (10:47 PM) I loooove you.**

**Jasper: (10:47 PM) I mish you.**

**Jasper: (10:48 PM) Lexaaaaa. I miiiiiiss youuuuu. Wher r u??**

She was about to try to figure out how to reply to all of that, when it suddenly began to vibrate again, and this time her phone informed her that Jasper was trying to call her. Standing up quickly from the table and shooting a smile at the others when they looked at her, she took a few steps away, answering the phone and holding it up to her ear. Her free hand moved to her other ear, pressing against it to block out as much of the noise from the bar as she could.  
  
“Hello?” she said, “Jasper? I think you are very, very confused, and more than likely very, very drunk.”  
  
She heard a giggle on the other end of the line, and she felt herself smile, knowing that giggle anywhere. “It's not Jasper, silly,” she heard Clarke say, enough noise coming from her own end to make it difficult to hear her. “I just had to steal his phone.”  
  
“Clarke,” Lexa murmured, her tone going soft without even meaning to. She spoke louder as she asked, “Why did you have to steal Jasper's phone? Where is yours?”  
  
“Raven and Octavia took it from me,” Clarke answered, and Lexa could practically hear her pout through the phone. “They said I wasn't allowed to text you, cause we're supposed to be out on our own bachelorette parties, but I wanted to talk to you. Jasper left his phone on the table when he left to go make out with Maya, so I borrowed it.”  
  
“Aren't you afraid Raven or Octavia are going to see you with the phone and take that one away also?” Lexa asked, still smiling against the phone pressed to her ear.  
  
“I told them I had to go to the bathroom,” she heard Clarke say, and then sure enough Lexa heard what sounded like a toilet flush. “They think I had to pee, but I was just smart and got away so I could talk to you. I miss you.”  
  
“I miss you too,” Lexa replied, her tone soft once again. “Are you having a good bachelorette party, at least?”  
  
“Yeah, I am, but I miss you,” Clarke told her, and then Lexa heard some muffled talking from Clarke's end. Someone must have been talking to Clarke, because she then heard Clarke say, “I'm talking to my fiancee. We're out on our bachelorette parties, but my friends are being mean and wouldn't let me talk to her, so I had to sneak into the bathroom.” There was more muffled talking that Lexa couldn't make out, and then: “That's so smart! Lexa, Katy had a really good idea! Where are you?”  
  
“We're at the Exodus Bar, why? And who's Katy?” Lexa asked, her confusion clear.  
  
“Katy's this really awesome girl I just met in the bathroom,” Clarke explained, and then there was a little more muffled talking before Clarke said, “Well you are awesome!” She then seemed to turn her attention back to Lexa, asking her, “Are you gonna be there for a while still?”  
  
“I believe so,” Lexa replied, shrugging her shoulders, even though she knew Clarke couldn't see it. “I think we will probably remain here for the evening. We started at a couple of other places, but I do not believe Ryder is up for much more travel, and we have gotten comfortable.”  
  
“Aww, poor Ryder,” she heard Clarke say, and she could hear the worry in her tone, before the tone changed and she said, “But anyway, that's perfect. Don't go anywhere. I love you!” And then the line went dead before Lexa could say anything else. Shaking her head and not entirely sure what had just happened, Lexa hung up her own phone before stuffing it back in her pocket. Clarke obviously had some plan, and so Lexa would do as she was told. She made her way back over to the table and sat down, her drink almost immediately shoved into her hands, and she laughed before taking a long swig of the very strong mixed drink.  
  
Forty-five minutes later she had finished that drink, gotten half way through a second one and done at least two more shots when she saw a few of her people look behind her, suddenly all grinning. Her cheeks were hot, and her limbs were all heavy, the smile impossible to wipe off her face, but even so she clearly felt it when a pair of arms wrapped around her shoulders.  
  
“You here alone, sexy?” a voice purred into her ear, “Or does a girl have a chance if she asks for a drink and maybe a kiss or two?”  
  
Her smile grew immeasurably, knowing that voice, and even as she turned she said, “I'm sorry to say that I am actually engaged, and I love my fiancee very, very much. But you are more than welcome to try to tempt me.”  
  
Clarke laughed, burying her face against Lexa's shoulder even as she somehow managed to pull herself on to Lexa's lap. Lexa's arms circled around her back, firmly holding her in place as the blonde whispered loudly, “Oh trust me, I will most definitely try to tempt you.” The blonde pulled her head from Lexa's shoulder, giving her her own huge smile which Lexa easily returned, just as she heard, “Oh come on, you have got to be kidding me! How the hell did she find her?!”  
  
Lexa looked past Clarke, barely managing to tear her eyes from the blonde, to find Raven and Octavia standing just a couple of feet away, Raven's arms crossed over her chest while Octavia's fists were propped on her hips. Also with them were Bellamy, Monty, Jasper and Maya, but the four of them didn't seem nearly as upset as the first two. Jasper was leaning against Maya, a dopey smile on his face that told Lexa just how much he was feeling it, and Monty, though upright, also had an easy grin on. Maya looked a little nervous, but that was probably simply because she didn't know most of the people around Lexa's table. Bellamy was watching Clarke on Lexa's lap, his own grin easy to read.  
  
“You can't take me away now!” Clarke exclaimed, her hold on Lexa tightening, “I found her fair and square, so you have to let me stay!”  
  
Lexa laughed, as did many of the people around her table, before she asked, “Clarke, sweetie, how much have you had to drink?” Clarke looked at her almost sheepishly before she replied, “A lot.”  
  
“Damn it, we're failing our Heda!” Shet exclaimed before he shoved a shot towards her, clearly ignoring the fact that the blonde still sat on her lap with her arms around her. “If the Wanheda's feeling it this much, then we have to get Heda to the same level!” Everyone around the table cheered, including Clarke, still on the brunette's lap. She twisted in what could not have been a particularly pleasant way, taking the shot from Shet's hold, and then brought it up between their bodies, only managing to spill a little bit of the alcohol on them.  
  
“Drink, Lexa! Drink!” she cried, and then Lexa laughed and shook her head before she opened her mouth and let the blonde pour the alcohol into her mouth. They all cheered, Clarke loudest of all, as she less than gently placed the empty shot glass on the table.  
  
Lincoln looked past the happy couple to meet his wife's gaze.  
  
“Join us?” he asked, nodding to all of them, and then looked back to Clarke and added, “It does not look as though Clarke wishes to leave anytime soon.”  
  
“Nope!” Clarke sang out, throwing her arms back around Lexa's shoulders, and Octavia just sighed and then nodded. She moved over to her husband, sitting on his lap also but in a much more dignified way than Clarke sat on Lexa's. She felt his arms wrap around her middle though, and then couldn't stop her own smile from growing as she felt herself settle against him.  
  
Everyone around the table shuffled, somehow managing to make space for the other five as they all pulled chairs over, taking the chairs from the tables around them that weren't using them. As Raven sat down between Ryder and Echo, she shook her head and groaned, “I really just don't get how she found you. We took her phone and everything!”  
  
“I stole Jasper's,” Clarke admitted unashamedly, throwing a grin over to Raven. The other brunette shot a glare at the boy as Octavia exclaimed, “Jasper!”  
  
“What?!” he cried, eyes wide and holding up his hands. “She said she stole it, not that I gave it to her! How is that my fault?!”  
  
“It's your fault cause you shouldn't have left it out where she could get it!” Raven exclaimed, glaring at him. “You knew we were trying to keep them apart for their damn bachelorette parties! Who has a bachelorette party with their fiancee?”  
  
“I wanna be with Lexa though,” Clarke told her, her head dropping to Lexa's shoulder even as she looked at Raven. “Don't get me wrong, I love everything you guys did for me, and it was all fun and awesome and all, and hell, even the strippers were kind of fun, but I want to be with Lexa now.”  
  
“Strippers?” Lexa suddenly asked, her tone dropping as her eyebrows rose. She heard Jay swear and then hit Tony, saying, “Dammit, I told you we coulda done strippers!” Raven grinned at Lexa, clearly nothing but proud of herself, and Lexa turned her raised eyebrows at the smug brunette.  
  
“Of course there were strippers Lexa, it was a bachelorette party!” Raven exclaimed, as though it should have been the most obvious thing in the world. “Who has a bachelorette party without strippers?” Again, Jay hit Tony, glaring at him.  
  
“This one, apparently,” Artigas said, a dejected look on his face. Bellamy, now sitting beside him, sighed in relief.  
  
“Thank god,” he muttered, taking a shot that was in the middle of the table.  
  
Quint raised an eyebrow at him, asking, “What, you don't like seeing naked women?”  
  
Bellamy shook his head, meeting Quint's eyes as he answered, “Nah, the naked women were great, it was the naked men I coulda done without, especially when my baby sister was getting a lap dance from one of them. That's an image I'll never be able to get out of my head.” Quint laughed while Marques patted Bellamy on the back in sympathy. Lincoln however raised his eyebrows at his wife who was still sitting now a bit sheepishly in his lap.  
  
“You got a lap dance from a naked man, huh?” he asked, his tone even. “Emma and Jonas will be so happy to hear that.”  
  
“First of all, he was not naked, just mostly naked,” Octavia informed him, after shooting a glare at her brother. “Second, I only got one because Raven practically shoved the guy in my lap.”  
  
“And you are so very welcome for that,” Raven told her happily, her elbows braced on the table as she leaned forward, resting her head in her hands. “He was hot and you know you liked it. No offense Lincoln, but a girl's gotta have a little fun every now and then, and a bachelorette party is the perfect place to do it.” She rolled her eyes and added, “But don't worry, your wife was a good girl and only had the one. Party pooper.”  
  
“You were having enough lap dances for everyone,” Octavia retorted, raising her eyebrows at her friend. “You seemed to especially enjoy the red-head with long legs and barely anything covering up her chest.”  
  
Raven shrugged, one corner of her mouth pulling up as she said, “Hey, she had some excellent talent, what can I say? Very good control of her hips.”  
  
“You see, that is why I will always question your sexuality,” Anya remarked, shaking her head. “When you say things like that, you do not sound as straight as you claim to be.”  
  
“And I will always tell you that even if I'm straight, I can still totally appreciate a beautiful lady,” Raven replied easily, earning a “Here here!” from Jay across the table from her. She grinned at him and then turned back to Anya, shrugging as she said, “And besides, I haven't gotten a lap dance from a chick since college.”  
  
“You didn't go to college, Raven,” Jasper reminded her, his grin still nearly splitting his face.  
  
“Yeah, but I certainly crashed a number of college parties, and there were more than one of them where I got some pretty nice lap dances from a few pretty ladies,” Raven replied, and then added, “And not all of them were from Clarke or Octavia, either.”  
  
Most of the people around the table laughed at that, and a number cheered. Lexa shook her head, turning her attention back to the blonde in her lap whose head still rested on her shoulder, clearly a little too interested in the beat of Lexa's heart to really be paying attention to the conversation going on around them.  
  
“So did you enjoy your strippers?” Lexa asked mildly, her eyebrows raised slightly still. She felt Clarke shrug against her before she replied, “They were alright. Raven made each of them give me a lap dance, and they were all pretty good at it I guess.” She picked her head up then, a smirk forming on her lips as she added, “Don't worry, they weren't nearly as hot as you though. I'd _much_ rather it had been you giving me a lap dance. Or I could give you one if that would make you feel better.” She felt Clarke begin to get up from her lap, and Lexa's arms tightened around her, even as she felt her cheeks get even hotter. The table was suddenly much too quiet for her liking, and far too many of the people around it were watching Clarke on her lap, waiting to see if she would actually start giving her a lap dance. “No, that is alright Clarke, you do not need to do that,” she finally replied, then she admitted, “Although it is good to hear that you would have preferred it was me.” Clarke just grinned at her before pressing her forehead to Lexa's, telling her, “Much, much would have preferred it.”  
  
She nodded against Clarke's forehead, a lump suddenly in her throat that she found it hard to swallow around, and then felt a tap on her shoulder. She turned to find Rivo holding up a drink for her, raising an eyebrow at her. She let go of Clarke with one hand, accepting the drink with a grateful nod, and then took a few long gulps it. Those around the table cheered, and everyone began drinking again, Bellamy, Lincoln and Shet getting up to get drinks for the newcomers and those who'd run out.  
  
As the night wore on, Lexa drank more and more, the light buzz in her limbs becoming a steady thrumming as people pressed more and more alcohol into her hands. Clarke never left her lap, and soon the blonde was bringing all of her drinks to her lips, often times stealing her own sips before letting Lexa have a drink. Everyone was laughing and grinning, the alcohol dulling any nervousness or uncomfortable feelings with spending so much time with strangers. Soon her unit was joking with Raven and the others as if they had known them a long time, and the others were joking right back. More often than not they were laughing at something due to either Lexa or the blonde in her lap, but as time went on and Lexa drank more, she stopped caring about any embarrassing stories that might be being told. All she could focus on was the woman in her arms, the blonde's laughter ringing out louder than anyone else's, and even though Lexa could feel her legs falling asleep, she didn't care. She just held the other girl tighter, let her eyes linger longer whenever Clarke's head would tilt up, clearly exposing that beautiful pale neck. Lexa was seriously debating whether or not she should lean forward and let her lips trace along that beautiful skin, her clouded mind nearly forgetting that so many people were sitting so close, when she felt the blonde get up. She looked up, meeting Clarke's eyes, and immediately returned the smile Clarke was giving her, not even knowing what it was about.  
  
“Dance with me?” Clarke asked, her tone light. Lexa was too busy scanning her face, eyes slowly taking in the deep blush that had permanently set to the blonde's cheeks, her alcohol warming them, to even really hear the request, but she heard it somewhere within her, and without even really knowing what she was agreeing to or what she was saying Lexa answered quietly, “Always.”  
  
And then Clarke's smile grew and she was reaching out and pulling Lexa up out of her chair, and again Lexa really wasn't entirely sure what was going on because she could only focus on one thing at a time when she was drunk like this and when it came to Clarke there was just so many things to focus on that her fogged mind couldn't stay on one thing for more than a few seconds. But Clarke's hand was around hers and it felt as good as it always did so she let Clarke lead, following her wherever she pulled her, and then Clarke was stopping and turning around, her arms moving to wrap around Lexa's shoulders and Lexa's arms moved to her hips, wrapping around them as though she were on autopilot because now Clarke's face was close to hers again and now she was trying to focus on the blonde's smile, her eyes, the redness of her cheeks and every part of her body that was suddenly pressed against the blonde's, and she couldn't focus on it all at once so she didn't really know what to do except stare down at Clarke, the goofy smile forming on her face.  
  
Clarke noticed the smile, returning it with one of her own before she asked, “What?”  
  
“I get to marry you in two days,” Lexa said, almost as though Clarke could have possibly forgotten. The blonde's grin just widened as she replied, “I know. And I get to marry you in two days.” Lexa's goofy smile grew as her arms tightened around Clarke. “I can't wait,” she admitted, and Clarke nodded, silently telling her that she felt the same way, before she dropped her head back to Lexa's shoulder, resting it there as they swayed with the music that neither was entirely sure was real, or if it was just playing in their own love-drunk minds.  
  
They remained that way for a long time, just holding each other and swaying, before something in Lexa's clouded mind clicked, and her eyes widened. “Aren't you supposed to be trying to tempt me?” she asked, suddenly remembering Clarke's words when she first appeared at the bar. “Not that this isn't tempting in itself, but I'd kinda figured it'd be a little more... I don't know. Dirty.” She felt Clarke chuckle against her, and then she felt Clarke's head pick up, her mouth moving to Lexa's ear.  
  
“I can do that,” she husked into the brunette's ear, causing her to shiver. “And later on, after I've tempted you and we've gone home, I can give you that lap dance that I promised. You know, since you didn't get strippers. I can be your stripper.”  
  
Lexa's mouth went completely dry, and it had absolutely nothing to do with the alcohol in her system. Clarke pulled back slightly, turning up to meet Lexa's eyes, and Lexa had to unsuccessfully lick her lips when she saw the look Clarke was giving her.  
  
“Can't... can't wait,” she finally managed to get out, and then Clarke was kissing her, her lips hot against her own, and Lexa could taste the alcohol on them, especially when the blonde's tongue suddenly pushed past her lips.  
  
Yep, Lexa really, really couldn't wait. 

***

Lexa eyed the rows of chairs, her brow down. She knew they looked fine, but something about them seemed off to her. For at least the third time she shifted the chair in front of her, very possibly putting it right back to where it had been before she moved it the first time, if the indentations in the grass were anything to go by. She sighed and then moved the one next to it, knowing that in reality she was just trying to keep herself busy. Then, still just to keep herself busy she looked up, finding a clear sky above her, unable to give her anything else to worry about. She was glad about that, as worrying about rain or some other form of bad weather interrupting the outdoor wedding she and Clarke had planned was really just a headache that she didn't need, but at the moment she really could have used the distraction.  
  
It was the wedding day. Finally. The day had finally arrived, and Lexa's stomach was in knots and had been in knots ever since the night before. The majority of it she knew was excitement, but the rest of it was nerves. She finally totally understood how Octavia had felt on her wedding day, and she had to agree that running away and eloping sounded pretty good right then. But she and Clarke had put this wedding together and dammit, she was going to see it through.  
  
“Would you leave the chairs alone already? You're just messing them up, not making them better. They are fine where they are: now leave them alone,” Anya growled, walking up behind her and rolling her eyes.  
  
Lexa didn't look away from the chairs as she replied, “I don't know, I feel like they could be arranged better.”  
  
Again Anya rolled her eyes and then reached out, grabbing Lexa's arm and gently pulling her away from the chair.  
  
“They are fine, now just stop,” she said again, a hint of annoyance in her tone and Lexa sighed before she rubbed her forehead.  
  
“I know, I'm sorry,” she told her, “I just feel like I need to be doing something.”  
  
“You could be getting ready, you know,” Anya informed her with a raise of her eyebrows. “After all, you are getting married in a couple of hours.”  
  
The bride shook her head, telling her best friend, “If I get ready now I'll just be sitting around in my wedding dress for more than an hour, and then I'll _really_ feel awkward.”  
  
“Fine then wait, but please leave the chairs alone,” Anya replied, giving her a look which made Lexa sigh again and then nod.  
  
Before either of them could say anything else, they heard, “Aunie Lexa! Aunie Anya!” and both turned, smiles on their faces, to find Emma running towards them. Their smiles only grew when they noticed little Jonas attempting to keep up behind her, Lincoln following close behind as the little guy ran on two legs that hadn't been holding him up for more than a couple of weeks. Copying his sister, he screamed, “Ne! Ne!” Lexa bent down, arms out as Emma finally reached them, quickly jumping at the bride and wrapping her arms around the brunette's neck as Lexa lifted her up. They looked up just in time to see Jonas tumble down, managing to catch himself with his hands, and then his father grabbed him, lifting him up as he squealed in delight.  
  
“Oh my goodness, you are getting so big!” Lexa exclaimed, smiling at the little girl in her arms.  
  
“I am big!” Emma agreed, her face breaking out into a huge grin. “Jojo's da only baby now!”  
  
“Ne!” Jonas seemed to agree, reaching out also as his father brought him over to them, bouncing him lightly in his arms. He reached out to Anya, little fingers gripping her sleeve tightly, and Anya quickly took him from his father, smiling down at him. Lincoln let him go, saying, “Well I feel unloved.”  
  
“I love you, Daddy!” Emma assured him, blowing him a kiss but not letting go of Lexa. Lincoln leaned forward and gave her a loud kiss on her cheek, causing her to shriek before he told her, “I love you too, beautiful girl.”  
  
She just grinned at him, and then turned her attention back to Lexa, asking her, “Ready Aunie Lexa? It's da wedding day!”  
  
Lexa returned her grin, even as she felt the nerves stir in her stomach again, and informed the little girl, “I am, but I'd be even more ready if your mommy and Auntie Raven hadn't kidnapped Auntie Clarke yesterday.” She ended it by looking at Lincoln, raising her eyebrows at him, and he just shrugged.  
  
“Hey, sorry, I can't help you with that,” he replied, holding up his hands. “I haven't seen my wife since she left to get Clarke, and other than her phone call last night to say goodnight to the kids and the one this morning I haven't talked to her.”  
  
Lexa let out a sigh, though she was unsurprised. Weeks ago Raven and Octavia had informed them that they would be stealing the blonde away the day before the wedding, deciding for them that they wouldn't see each other until it was wedding time. They had argued with them originally, but as always Octavia and Raven had stuck to whatever plan it was they had concocted, and by the time they arrived at the two fiancees' apartment the previous morning both girls had still been too hung over from their bachelorette parties the night before to really put up any fight. Lexa wondered if they had planned it that way, and wouldn't be at all surprised if she ever found out they had. The two brunettes were clever, and clearly they had thought this plan through. So as much as Lexa wanted to see Clarke, and even though she knew that Clarke had to be nearby even at that moment, getting ready for the wedding, she knew better than to hold her breath in the hopes of seeing her. She would see Clarke when it was time to walk down the aisle, and that would just have to do.  
  
Deciding to put those thoughts out of her mind, Lexa turned her attention back to the almost three-year old in her arms.  
  
“So what about you Miss Emma?” she asked, bouncing her just a bit, “Are you ready to walk down the aisle?”  
  
“Yeah!” Emma exclaimed, throwing her fists up, only just managing to miss smacking Lexa's chin. “I'm da flower girl!”  
  
Lexa grinned, telling her, “Yes you are, and you're gonna be the prettiest flower girl ever!” She looked over to Anya still holding Jonas and asked the little girl, “And what about Jonas? You think he's ready?”  
  
“Jojo's ready,” Emma answered, suddenly serious as she looked over to her brother. “Right Jojo?”  
  
“Yeah!” the little guy exclaimed, having no idea what he was agreeing to but just happy to be included. The adults all laughed, telling both kids how great they were going to be, when Lexa looked up and saw Monty walking towards them. He stopped when she looked at him and gestured to her, silently telling her he needed to talk to her. She excused herself, handing Emma over to her father, and then made her way over to him. She eyed him curiously, surprised to find him a little pale.  
  
“Everything alright Monty?” she asked him, “You look a bit nervous.”  
  
He shrugged, giving her a forced smile before he admitted, “I am a little. I've never done this before, you know.”  
  
She smiled at him and shook her head, saying, “Aren't I supposed to be the one who is nervous? I am the one getting married, after all.”  
  
“Yeah, and I'm the one who's marrying you,” he agreed, rubbing the back of his head. “Gotta admit, when I offered to do this I didn't realize I'd be so scared the day of the wedding. I'm just hoping I don't mess up.”  
  
Lexa gave him a small smile and assured him, “You will do fine, Monty. You did what you needed to to get ordained online, and now it is just a matter of actually saying the words.”  
  
“Yeah, in front of a ton of people,” Monty muttered, but then he shook his head. “But anyway, I shouldn't be so worried, and especially not with you. You're probably nervous enough anyway.” To an extent she was, the butterflies in her stomach starting up again as they spoke, but she was forcing herself to push them away, trying to ignore them, so she merely shrugged. “I actually came over because there's a few last minute details I wanted to go over, and I can't seem to find Clarke, so I hoped you wouldn't mind going over them with me.”  
  
“Of course,” Lexa replied, and then looked around, sighing again before she said, “I am afraid that Octavia and Raven have kidnapped Clarke, and we most likely will not be seeing her until it is time to get started.”  
  
Monty rolled his eyes before he muttered, “No surprise.”  
  
She agreed, and then the two turned away from the topic of the blonde, Lexa listening to what Monty needed to go over and offering her ideas whenever she could. The two worked together for nearly a half hour, ironing out these last minute details before Monty seemed reassured, looking much less pale when he finally walked away.  
  
As he left to go do whatever he needed to, Lexa looked around. Anya and Lincoln had disappeared, probably to get the kids ready or take care of their own last minute problems. A few other people were straggling around, clearly doing their own last minute preparations, and Lexa figured it was probably just about time for her to go start getting ready too. She eyed the rows of chairs one last time, trying to decide if it was worth it to bother moving any of them again, knowing she was just trying to put it off as the nerves flared up once again in her stomach, when she saw Maya approaching her. She smiled politely to the other girl; over the past seven months they had actually spent a little time together, though mostly in crowds, and were no longer strangers, though nor were they close friends. She seemed like a sweet enough person, but she and Lexa really just didn't have much in common. Still, Lexa had no problem talking to her, so remained where she was until Maya finally managed to reach her.  
  
“Hey Lexa, how're you feeling?” Maya asked, her own polite smile on her face, a bit of excitement in her eyes. Lexa was not at all surprised to find that the other girl enjoyed weddings.  
  
“I am well,” she answered, nodding to her. “Thank you.”  
  
Maya just returned the nod with a smile, and then she reached down and fished something out of her pocket. A moment later she held up a small piece of paper. She gave Lexa a knowing smile as she handed it to her, telling her, “I was asked to give this to you. But if anyone asks, you didn't get it from me.”  
  
Lexa frowned, not understanding her words, until she opened the slip of paper, a grin suddenly appearing on her face. _Meet me in the bathroom_ , was all the little note said, and Lexa didn't have to guess to know who had written it.  
  
“Thanks,” she said to Maya, already starting to walk around the girl, “And don't worry, I will not rat you out.”  
  
Maya laughed, and then Lexa left, her footsteps quickening the closer she got to the lodge where there were enough rooms for everyone to get ready in private. She walked into the large building, going through the hallways and large reception hall already partially decorated and in the process of getting ready for the party that would take place there later that afternoon, ducking out of the way of the wedding decorators they had hired to get it ready. She left the large room, going through another hallway before she found the stairs leading up to where she knew the many individual rooms were where they were all expected to get ready, hurrying down that hall, her eyes on the look out for anyone who would see her and try to stop her. Finally she made it to the end of the hall, finding the bathroom she assumed the note had been referring to, and then quickly opened the door and stepped inside, closing it firmly behind her.  
  
“Oh thank god. Finally,” she heard, and then turned around, unable to stop her smile from forming. Clarke stood in the middle of the room in a pair of sweatpants and a simple t-shirt, with much of her hair all pinned up in curlers. The sight only made Lexa's smile grow. “I was seriously starting to think that Maya wouldn't be able to find you before Octavia and Raven found me.” Lexa saw the blonde eye her, frowning. “Okay, why does only one of us look like a mess? You look way too good in those jeans, and here I am in sweatpants. Don't you know you are supposed to look like a wreck before you get all beautiful? It is so not fair that you are just gonna be able to go from looking great like that to looking great in your dress.”  
  
“I do not know what you are talking about, Clarke,” Lexa informed her, taking a step closer to the babbling blonde. “I happen to think you look beautiful.”  
  
Clarke scoffed, rolling her eyes, and then mirrored Lexa's movement, closing the gap between them as she threw her arms around Lexa, the brunette's arms wrapping around her just a moment later.  
  
“I missed you,” she muttered, and then scowled as she pulled back just enough so that she could look at Lexa's face when she growled, “How the hell did we let Raven and Octavia convince us to let them kidnap me? I'm not okay with it.”  
  
Lexa just shrugged before she replied, “I don't know. But they do always seem to get their way with these things somehow.”  
  
Clarke shook her head and then let it fall back against Lexa's shoulder and the two just held each other for a moment in silence before the blonde broke it, asking Lexa quietly, “Lexa? Are you nervous?”  
  
“A little,” Lexa admitted, and she felt Clarke shift against her, pulling her head back up to look at her again. Lexa met her eyes as she continued, “I am nervous that there are going to be a lot of people watching. I feel a bit like Octavia saying this, but I am nervous I might trip as I walk down the aisle.”  
  
“You nervous about marrying me?” Clarke asked, a little grin on her face, and as an answer Lexa bent down, gently pressing her lips to Clarke's. She stayed there for a moment, her mouth working against the blonde's, before she pulled away just a bit, whispering, “Never. That I am not nervous about at all.”  
  
“You sure?” Clarke wanted to know, her voice almost teasing.  
  
“Bring Monty in here now and I would marry you at this very moment,” Lexa replied, smiling at the blonde. “I do not need anyone but you there when I say I do.”  
  
Clarke grinned and then kissed her again, this kiss a little more forceful before she pulled back, telling the brunette, “I don't need anyone else there either. But,” she added, raising her eyebrows, “I spent a lot of money on my dress, and I am so not getting married in my sweatpants, so unfortunately we do need to wait a little longer.”  
  
Lexa merely shrugged, telling her, “As long as it is only a little longer, then I suppose I can wait.” The blonde laughed, and then they were kissing again, holding on to one another and helping each other get rid of their nerves.  
  
The kiss was suddenly interrupted when the bathroom door opened and they heard, “Oh for the love of! O, I found 'em.” They broke apart, both turning to find Raven standing in the doorway, her arms crossed over her chest. “Seriously, can you two not spend even just a few hours apart?” the brunette exclaimed, “And what is it with you guys and bathrooms? Do you have like a fetish or something because I mean, no judgment and all, but even a clean bathroom is dirty, and there are way better places to meet up. Though right now you aren't _supposed_ to be meeting up, or do you not remember you're getting married in like, two hours and should be getting ready?”  
  
They both looked at her a bit sheepishly, about to say something when an angry Octavia appeared beside Raven.  
  
“No,” the small brunette, growled, walking past Raven and right up to the two of them. She grabbed Clarke's arm, saying, “Nope, nu uh. This is not happening. I have waited too long for this day to let either of you ruin it for me! Clarke, let's go, you're supposed to be getting ready, and Lexa, you should be getting ready too! Neither of you are going to ruin this for me!”  
  
Clarke looked over to Lexa out of the side of her eyes, even as Octavia began to pull her out of the bathroom.  
  
“Uh, O, you do realize that this is our wedding day, right?” Clarke asked her, and then gestured to Lexa and herself. “As in, mine and Lexa's?”  
  
“Yeah I do,” Octavia cried, shooting another glare at the blonde, “And I have been waiting for this day for _years_. Very patiently waiting, I might add, and if you two think you are going to do anything to make it anything less than perfect, then you can just think again, cause it's not gonna happen!”  
  
“I'd listen to her,” Raven said, pointing at Octavia as she moved out of the doorway so that the small brunette could pull Clarke out of the bathroom. “She's a mother now, and you never want to piss off a mother.”  
  
“Okay, yeah, but again, it's _our_ wedding,” Clarke emphasized, shooting a look back to Lexa as she followed them out of the bathroom. “Shouldn't it all go the way we want it to?”  
  
“Today's not all about you Clarke, you just think it is,” Raven told her with a grin. “In reality it's for those of us who've had to sit back and agonizingly watch you two go through the past eleven years.”  
  
“Okay, but I'm pretty sure it's actually supposed to be all about us,” Clarke argued, shaking her head, and Raven just rolled her eyes.  
  
“Is Clarke being stubborn, even today?” they heard a voice call from down the hallway, and Clarke froze, inadvertently tugging out of Octavia's grip. She turned, her eyes wide, and exclaimed, “Wells?!”  
  
Her oldest friend smiled at her, and then she was running at him, her arms enveloping him in a huge hug when she finally reached him. His arms returned the hug, and he used the momentum of her run to pick her up and swing her around, both of them laughing crazily. Only when he'd set her back down did she pull away slightly, her eyes scanning his face as she babbled, “What are you doing here?! I thought you were on the other side of the world? How'd you get here? I can't, I can't believe you're here!”  
  
Wells laughed again as Raven, Octavia and Lexa moved over to them, and met Lexa's eyes over the top of the blonde's head. He grinned and nodded to her, and she returned the nod, her own lips curling up into a smile. Clarke looked between him and Lexa, noticing the interaction, before Wells answered, “Did you really think I was going to miss your wedding day?”  
  
“B-but, last time I talked to you you were supposed to be in Ireland right now!” Clarke cried, her head spinning.  
  
Wells, unlike either Clarke or Lexa, had not decided to follow in a parents' footsteps. Rather than become a politician like his father, he'd majored in history in college, and decided to become a cultural historian, which meant that he spent most of his time traveling all over the world and studying the different cultures he came across. Because of that, Clarke hadn't seen her oldest friend in almost four years, and had barely been able to talk to him. She'd told him about her engagement of course, but she had never expected him to actually be able to make it to the wedding.  
  
He just shrugged, telling her, “I postponed my trip. There was no way I was going to miss this.”  
  
Clarke just shook her head, still unable to wrap her mind over the fact that he was here.  
  
“I still don't understand how you're here right now,” she told him, and he met Lexa's eyes once again, smiling at her. This time Clarke focused on the look and turned around, seeing Lexa returning it. “Lexa?” she asked, and the brunette mirrored Wells's shrug.  
  
“I knew you wanted him here,” she replied easily, “So I contacted him, and we made it work out. It only took a little bit of creative thinking to get him back in time.”  
  
“I love you,” Clarke told her, the truth of the words clear from the tone of her voice, and then she turned back to Wells, squeezing him in another hug as she said, “And I've missed you!”  
  
“I've missed you too, Clarke,” Wells assured her, returning the hug.  
  
“Alright alright, it's awesome to see you again Wells, and really great you're here, but we need to keep getting ready for the wedding that's gonna happen very soon,” Raven informed them, stepping up and taking Clarke by the arm again.  
  
“But you should come with us, Wells,” Octavia added, smiling up at him, “We can all get caught up while we finish Clarke's hair and make-up and then do our own. It'll at least give Clarke a distraction so that she doesn't try to go AWOL again.”  
  
“Which, by the way, you should know that you've totally lost your bathroom privileges,” Raven informed the blonde, turning to her. “Until the wedding starts either Octavia or I will be escorting you to the bathroom if you decide you need to go, so don't even try to sneak away again.”  
  
“I don't need a babysitter, Raven,” Clarke groaned, rolling her eyes, but Raven just smirked back at her as Octavia replied, “Uh, clearly you do.”  
  
Clarke shot Lexa a pitiful look, which Lexa returned with a helpless look of her own, as if to say, “What can I do?” Clarke just sighed and then let Raven pull her away, in turn pulling Wells with her.  
  
Octavia looked back at Lexa before following, smiling at her and telling her, “We'll see you soon, Lexa!” Lexa nodded, and then Octavia turned back around, just in time to see Anya walking towards them, passing Raven and Clarke and Wells. As she did, Raven called out to her, “Anya, you're on Lexa watch! Keep her from sneaking off again.” Anya in turn merely rolled her eyes, not answering the other girl as the small group moved down the hall only to turn into one of the many rooms, Octavia closing the door behind them. When Anya reached Lexa, she raised a single eyebrow at her.  
  
“You and Clarke are causing problems again, aren't you?” she inquired, her tone telling Lexa that she already knew it was true.  
  
“We are not causing problems, we just wanted to see each other,” Lexa replied, holding her head high. “I do not understand why that is a bad thing. It is our wedding day, after all.”  
  
“Yeah well it might be your wedding day, but those two seem to have an idea as to exactly how they want the day to go, and I will not have them come complaining to me if you ruin it,” Anya informed her, and then jerked her head to the side. “Let's go, it's time to get you ready.”  
  
Instead of trying to argue, Lexa merely nodded, following Anya to their own dressing room. In the room she found both her dress and Anya's hanging up, as well as a small couch, a trifold in the corner, and a small table set up with a mirror, brushes, and numerous other kinds of hair supplies. Anya walked her over to the table, gesturing to the chair in front of it, and told her, “Sit.” Lexa did so, and then Anya was brushing her hair, her fingers working nimbly to remove any knots. As soon as it was smooth, Anya got to work, carefully and intricately weaving strands of her hair into small braids.  
  
Lexa closed her eyes, even as she tried not to wince as her hair was braided tightly against her head. The motions reminded her of when they were children and the many times Anya had done this exact same thing for her. When she was very little her mother had braided her hair, spending multiple minutes every morning gently twining the strands around each other, and then after she died Anya had started doing it. She still didn't really remember when it happened, but suddenly it seemed like every time they hung out, Anya's fingers would play at her hair, guiding it into the braids Lexa had gotten so used to. It was this connection to both her mother and her best friend that had made Lexa continue to pull it back into the small braids all throughout her college years and during her time in the Marines. Even though Anya's hands were not exactly gentle, there was a tenderness in her movements, a care in how she shaped Lexa's hair, and Lexa knew that.  
  
The brunette finally opened her eyes, looking ahead into the mirror and watching Anya as she stood behind her, her own gaze down on Lexa's hair. Looking at the other girl, Lexa felt a tug at her heart.  
  
“Anya?” she called out softly, trying to get the other girl's focus.  
  
“Mm?” was all she got for a reply, and it nearly made Lexa smile.  
  
“You know that I love you, right?” she asked, and at this Anya's eyes did shift, looking at Lexa through the mirror even as her head remained down and her fingers continued to work.  
  
“If this is you trying to tell me that you do not wish to marry Clarke and are in fact in love with me, then I must say you have terrible timing,” Anya finally replied, her eyes shifting back down to her work. “And since I do not wish to hurt you, I will let you down as gently as I can by simply telling you that I have no desire to ever see you naked, Lexa.”  
  
Lexa rolled her eyes, the corners of her lips quirking up.  
  
“Nor do I ever wish to see you naked, Anya,” she informed her best friend. “I do love you, but that is not the kind of relationship I wish to have with you. I will stick with Clarke for that, and for everything else even remotely romantic. But I just wanted you to know that I do love you as well, though yes, in a different way. You are my best friend.”  
  
Anya let out a deep breath, closing her eyes as her fingers stilled, and when her eyes opened once again she looked up, glaring at Lexa in the mirror.  
  
“And you are a my best friend as well, yes, and I love you also,” she growled, never one to be comfortable with any kind of emotional moment. “Now may we continue with getting ready for your wedding?” The brunette just smiled at her and then nodded, wincing slightly as Anya's fingers tugged at her scalp.  
  
They did continue to get ready, and before long Lincoln joined them, having left Emma and Jonas with his parents who had been invited to the wedding, since they had nearly been like a second set of parents to Lexa as she grew up. The three got ready, Lincoln ducking behind the trifold to put on his suit while Anya applied Lexa's make up (when they first started hanging out, Clarke had been shocked to learn that Anya actually had quite the gift for hair and make-up, but had remained quiet about it when Anya had just glared at her), and then Anya doing the same to put her maid-of-honor dress on. Only then was it Lexa's turn to move behind the trifold, Anya helping her to get the wedding dress on, and as the other girl zipped the dress up, Lexa felt the butterflies start swarming around her stomach again. She stepped out from behind the trifold and Lincoln's eyes ran over her, a large smile forming across his face.  
  
“Lexa, you look beautiful,” he murmured, and she shifted uncomfortably.  
  
“Thank you,” she replied simply, and tried not to get a glimpse of her reflection in the mirror, wanting to not care about her appearance, but she couldn't help it as her eyes seemed to be pulled to the glass.  
  
It had taken her a while to find the dress, but finally she had found what she believed to be the perfect dress for her. She had considered for a while simply wearing her dress blues, and therefore not needing to get a dress, but she had decided that she didn't want to look like a Marine on her wedding day. Her days in the Marines were in the past, and while she knew she would always be a Marine and always see herself as one, this day wasn't about the past: it was about the future, her future with Clarke, and so she had decided she would go with tradition, and get a wedding dress.  
  
The dress was long, falling just to her feet but not any longer so that she wouldn't have to worry about tripping on it. It was slimming, loose only in the skirt, having no extra poof or design to it, instead hugging her waist. It had long lace sleeves that made it all the way to her wrists, and a small loop on each sleeve wrapped over her middle fingers, holding them in place. The front was low cut, showing off just a bit of her chest, but the back was much lower cut, creating a long v that ended mid-way down her back. Because of this, parts of her tattoos showed, and that was one of the reasons she had chosen the dress; while she didn't necessarily want to look like a Marine, she was still proud of her time spent serving, proud to have been a Grounder, and letting the markings she'd placed on her body in honor of that time be visible seemed like a good way to honor it. She had no veil, having no desire to cover her face, so with the heels that she wore and the silver necklace her father had given her to wear (“It was your mother's,” he had said, his eyes bright with unshed tears as he handed it to her. “It can be your something bored.”), she was ready.  
  
She tore her eyes away from the mirror, the nerves in her stomach only growing the longer she looked at it.  
  
“Come on,” she said to the two in the room with her, “Let's go downstairs. We must be starting soon.”  
  
They both nodded, and then Lexa led the way out of the room and down the hallway, her eyes glancing to the closed door of the room Clarke and the others had disappeared into not long ago. She wondered how the blonde was doing, and if her stomach felt the same as Lexa's, but she just kept walking. They made it down the stairs and through the reception hall, until they were standing just inside the door of the lodge, unable to go any farther until the wedding actually started. Reaching the door, they found Bellamy and Jasper standing with her entire unit, and Lexa rolled her eyes.  
  
“You are all aware that the wedding is taking place outside, yes?” she asked them, catching their attention suddenly. “You should be getting to your seats.”  
  
They all turned to her, and she saw many of their eyes widen, some of their jaws actually falling open. She merely raised her eyebrows at them, giving them her best Lieutenant look, but it did nothing to change their expressions.  
  
“Fuck Heda, you look...” Shet began, and Jay finished by blurting out, “Hot!” Tristan elbowed him in the side, as if to remind him who he was talking to, and then he spluttered, “Uh, I mean, beautiful.”  
  
“Do not be fooled by the dress, I could still throw any one of you into the mud,” she informed them, lifting her head up, to which Bellamy snorted. Artigas looked at him wide-eyed, and then nodded. “She totally could,” he informed the other guy, and Bellamy shook his head. “Oh I totally believe it,” he replied, smirking before he looked at Lexa, “I just think it's funny that that's her first response. You have no idea how perfect she is for our Princess.”  
  
“The Wanheda is a lucky woman, to have you, Heda,” Ryder informed her, all sincerity, and Lexa nearly blushed. This was all getting too emotional for her, and especially with them.  
  
Quint sighed then, and turned to the rest of the Marines, telling them, “She's right though, we should go take our seats. This thing's gonna start soon.” They all agreed, and with nods to Lexa, they all turned around and exited the building to head out to the chairs set up outside. As the door opened and then fell closed behind them, Lexa could hear all the people talking outside, and the nerves in her stomach began acting up again.  
  
“I am going to go get Emma and Jonas,” Lincoln stated, stepping towards the door also. “We might as well all be ready as soon as Clarke gets here.” Lexa nodded, and he left also, the door nearly falling shut before someone pushed it back open, and then Lexa's father entered, Abby and Jake following right behind him. They all stopped when they saw Lexa, Abby immediately getting tears in her eyes and gasping, hands going up to cover her mouth, and Jake grinning. She met her father's eyes, seeing too many emotions flying through them to even try to decipher.  
  
“Oh Lexa,” Abby breathed, “You look absolutely stunning.”  
  
“Definitely one of the most beautiful brides I've ever seen,” Jake agreed, his grin only growing.  
  
“Thank you both,” Lexa replied, but she couldn't tear her eyes from her father. He slowly moved up to her, and then reached out, gently brushing her cheek with one hand.  
  
“Look at you,” he murmured, his eyes almost beginning to water. “You look... You look so much like your mother did on our wedding day. You are truly beautiful, Lexa.”  
  
“Thank you,” Lexa whispered, feeling her own eyes begin to water, but she fought the tears back. “I've... I've been thinking about her. A lot, today.”  
  
“As have I,” her father admitted. “She would be so proud of you, Lexa.” He suddenly wrapped his arms around her, pulling her in for a tight hug and she closed her eyes. “So very proud.”  
  
She clung to her father, feeling his strength, his emotion, and drawing it into her. She hoped that he was right.  
  
“Wow.”  
  
Lexa's eyes opened and she felt her father loosen his grip, letting her pull away. She turned, and there was Clarke, standing just a few feet away, her eyes slowly moving over Lexa, taking in every detail. Lexa's eyes mirrored the blonde's, her breath getting caught in her throat.  
  
Clarke's dress was lace: a lot of beautiful, intricate lace patterns, primarily on the corset but trailing down the skirt as well. The skirt was a bit more full than Lexa's own, a few layers building one on top of the other to give the dress a little more body. The top was tight, hugging her perfectly, low short sleeves almost hanging off her shoulders. She wore her star necklace around her neck, not even taking it off for this, and her hair hung in golden curls, the back of it pulled up in a loose bun while the rest of it hung around her face, framing it nicely. Seeing her, Lexa couldn't even get a “wow” out to return: she was simply speechless.  
  
The door opened again, and Lincoln returned, carrying Jonas and holding Emma's hand, both now dressed for the wedding, with Monty trailing behind them. Monty's eyes scanned them all, finding both brides and bridal parties there, and he nodded, asking, “Alright, are we ready?”  
  
Everyone turned to Clarke and Lexa, neither of whom had been able to take their eyes off the other yet, and still without looking away from Lexa the blonde called out, “Yeah, we're ready.”  
  
Monty let out a nervous breath, clenching and unclenching his fists quickly, and then said, “Alright then people: places!” before he left, ready to get it all started.  
  
With hurried “good lucks” and “I love yous” and “you look amazings,” Bellamy, Jasper, Wells and Abby left, all to take their seats, leaving the door open behind them. Octavia moved to stand next to Lincoln, smiling at her son and daughter, and then Raven and Anya moved together, once again walking down the aisle together (“You think they're trying to tell us something?” Raven had asked Anya when they were first told they would be walking together again, and Anya had merely rolled her eyes, to no one's surprise). Only once they were all situated did either Lexa or Clarke find the strength to move, immediately moving to one another.  
  
“You ready?” Lexa asked softly, holding out her hand to the blonde.  
  
“I'll jump if you jump,” Clarke answered, a little smile on her lips as she took the brunette's hand.  
  
Lexa's lips turned up into a smile as well as she replied, “I will always jump with you.”  
  
They turned then, joining the rest of the wedding party as they heard the music begin to play, and then Lexa's father took her free arm while Clarke's father took hers.  
  
One of the first decisions they had made when planning out the wedding was that neither of them was going to be at the end of the aisle, waiting for the other. They had spent too long waiting for each other, they explained whenever anyone asked why. Lexa had waited in high school, waited for Clarke to come to terms with who she was and how to tell the people she loved her feelings for the brunette, and then Clarke had waited while Lexa was in the Marines, spending years just waiting for Lexa to be ready to come home. Now they were finally together again, and neither of them wanted to wait any longer. Instead, they were going to start this next chapter in their lives just how it should be: side-by-side, hand-in-hand.  
  
Lincoln and Octavia went first, Emma leading them, the little girl reaching into the basket she carried and tossing rose petals as she went, her face pulled down in concentration as she took her job very, very seriously. Once they had walked a ways, Anya and Raven followed, both holding their heads high as the crowd turned to watch them. And then it was Clarke and Lexa's turn. They stepped out of the lodge, slowly walking down the steps, and they heard the shuffle as everyone sitting before them stood up, all turning to watch them. The crowd was full of faces of all the people they loved, all the people who cared about them, but as they walked, all either could really focus on was the tight hold they had on each others hand. Finally they reached the altar, a beautiful white arch with vines of flowers twined around it, and their fathers let go of their arms, giving them both a kiss before they stepped away to take their own seats. They turned to each other, green eyes meeting blue, and together they took a steady breath, smiling slightly as both hands came together in front of them.  
  
The crowd sat down as Jake and Gustus took their seats, and then Monty, standing between the girls and up just a step higher than them, looked out over the crowd.  
  
“Dearly beloved,” he began, and then he grinned, shaking his head. “We all know why we're gathered here today,” he called out, his tone suddenly much more relaxed than it had been all morning. “We're here because these two amazing women have finally decided it's time for them to tie the knot. I say finally, because most of us here have known this was going to happen for years now. Personally, I had a pretty good idea it was gonna happen senior year of high school: some of you might have realized it sooner than that, and others maybe not as soon, but whenever you realized it, we've all known it was going to happen.” He looked back at Clarke and Lexa, both of who were smiling at him at this point. “Clarke and Lexa are two of the most amazing people I've ever been lucky enough to know.” He looked back to the crowd, gesturing to Clarke when he said, “Clarke has been in school for, what, eight years now? Nine?”  
  
“Too long,” Clarke informed him, causing a chuckle to ripple through the audience.  
  
“Right, way too long,” Monty agreed, his smile only growing, eyes flickering back to his audience. “But she's been in school this long because she wants to be a doctor. A surgeon. Clarke's dream has always been to help people, and as one of the many people she's already helped, I think I can speak for all of us when I say there's no doubt in my mind she's gonna help hundreds of people.” He gestured to Lexa then, saying, “And Lexa. Lexa's already helped hundreds of people. Lexa is a Captain in the Marine Corps. She spent four years of college learning how to lead, how to be in charge of the countless lives of others, and then she spent nearly six years on active duty, leading the Grounders, her very own unit, and risking her life every day so that the rest of us can live every day without even knowing the dangers that are out there.”  
  
“Yeah Heda!” Jay called out, and Lexa rolled her eyes, unable to stop the small smile from pulling at the corners of her lips.  
  
Monty's grin just widened at the interruption, nodding to Jay, before he continued, saying, “Both Clarke and Lexa are amazing people, and in my opinion, heroes that we can all only hope to live up to. But in the search of their dreams, they both had to make a sacrifice: each other. In order to do these amazing things, these two had to walk away from each other, and while we all knew deep down that they would get back together someday, we all worried a little too. Because while their dreams, and the sacrifices that they made were incredible, we all knew that they belonged together. We all knew that these two women had to find each other again, had to come back together, eventually.  
  
And that's why we are all here today. We are here because finally, after too many years apart, Lexa and Clarke have found each other again, and their dreams are no longer standing in their way. Finally they've decided it's time for them to live the rest of their lives together, and none of us could have hoped for anything else. We're here to celebrate the union of these two indescribable ladies. So, without any further adieu, let's get this thing going, yeah?”  
  
He looked again at the two girls, and then stated, “Clarke and Lexa have each decided to write their own vows, and I think it's time we all hear them. Let's go in alphabetical order, so Clarke, you're up.”  
  
“Thanks Monty, make me go first,” Clarke joked, rolling her eyes at him, making a few people laugh, and then she looked back at Lexa. “Lexa, I...” she closed her eyes and shook her head before she opened them again. “What can I say? I love you. More than... More than I ever knew I could love someone, I love you. You stole my heart that first summer we had together at Camp Ark, and I don't think you've ever given it back. Which is fine, because I like leaving it with you. I know that you keep both it and me safe, but more than that I know you take care of it.” She paused for a moment, swallowing as she felt the burn in the back of her throat, and Lexa squeezed her hands, and it was only then that she continued. “You've always been taking care of me, Lexa, even before I realized I needed taking care of. Everything you've ever done was to take care of me. Even when you broke up with me before you left for college and the Marines, I know it was just to take care of me. You've always put me first, Lexa. You've always put everyone first, always too busy taking care of others to take care of yourself. But that's okay now Lexa, because I'm going to take care of you. I vow, that from now until I die, I am going to love you and take care of you, Lexa, because you are my whole world. Monty said that being a surgeon is my dream: it's not. You are. You are my dream Lexa, and now that I have you back I'm never letting go of that dream again. Never.”  
  
Lexa had to fight against the tears in her own eyes and the burn of her throat, especially when she heard Monty, the tears evident in his voice, say, “Lexa?”  
  
“Clarke,” Lexa breathed, her tone quiet, but she was sure everyone could hear her due to the silence from them all. “I do not know how I got to be so lucky,” she said honestly, and Clarke let out a little watery laugh, along with a few people in the crowd behind them. “Deciding to be a counselor at Camp Ark when I was sixteen was the best decision I have ever made. I thought I knew what to expect when I left home that first summer: I thought I would spend the time teaching dance, taking care of a bunch of kids, earn some money and then just go home. I had it all planned out. And then you came along and changed it all. You have a, a talent for completely throwing me off, which is not something most people can do.” She heard a few of her people murmur their agreement, but ignored them, her lips only quirking up at the noise. “I can remember the exact moment I began falling for you that summer. Do you know when that was?” Clarke merely raised an eyebrow, a single tear rolling down her face even as she smiled. Lexa lifted one hand and gently brushed the tear away, letting her fingers linger against her cheek, feeling the blonde press into the touch. “That first time we met in the clearing. You interrupted me while I was trying to plan out my next dance class, and somehow we ended up dancing together.”  
  
“You used me to see how your kids would pick up on the dance, because like me they 'didn't exactly have any talent for it,'” Clarke quoted, a teasing in her tone that made a number of people laugh.  
  
“You are the one who claimed not to have any talent for dancing,” Lexa reminded her, completely ignoring the crowd around them. “But I remember being unable to take my eyes off you. With every move, I found myself trying not to stare, and even without realizing it, I knew I was falling for you. From that moment, you had me hooked, and every day since I've continued to fall for you.” She paused then, her hand falling back down to clasp with Clarke's again, and then she continued, “You say I have your heart: that is good, because you have mine, Clarke. You have had it ever since that moment in the clearing by the lake. You have had it every moment since; you had it when we returned to school, you had it when I left for college, and you had it every day I was in the Marines. You have my heart, Clarke, and I never want it back. Now all I want is to live, every day, seeing your face. I want to be able to reach out and find your hand, your smile. I want to look and see those beautiful eyes staring back at me. I love you Clarke, and I will continue to love you until death and after.”  
  
Lexa could feel the tears running down her cheeks as she watched the same tears run down Clarke's. They didn't care though: these tears symbolized the love they felt for each other, so these tears they would happily cry.  
  
They were not the only ones.  
  
All around them they heard sniffles coming from the audience, and for a moment they turned to look out at the crowd, finding few dry faces among them. Every one of Lexa's people had tears streaming down their faces, and Lexa couldn't stop the smile from growing on her face from that realization. Clarke's own smile grew when she saw Bellamy, Wells, her parents, Gustus, Jasper and Maya all crying as well. She then let out a small laugh when she turned and saw that Monty was also crying. He held up a finger, telling them to hold on a second, and then took a long, deep breath.  
  
“Phew,” he finally breathed out, and then looked out to the audience. “Alright, well now that that just about killed us all, let's move on.” He turned to Lincoln and Octavia, both whom also had tears streaking down their cheeks, and asked, “Does the ring-bearer have the rings?”  
  
“Y-yeah,” Octavia croaked, sniffing, before she and Lincoln stepped forward with Jonas, their little ring-bearer. His parents held out the rings, handing them to Monty, and then they stepped back. Monty handed the first ring to Clarke, telling her, “Place this ring on Lexa's finger, and repeat after me.” Clarke nodded, gently taking Lexa's hand and sliding the ring on her finger. “I, Clarke Griffin, take you, Alexandria Woods, to be my wife.”  
  
“I, Clarke Griffin, take you, Alexandria Woods, to be my wife,” Clarke whispered, her eyes turning up to meet Lexa's.  
  
“I will share my life with yours, build our dreams together, support you in times of trouble, and rejoice with you in times of happiness.”  
  
“I will share my life with yours, build our dreams together, support you in times of trouble, and rejoice with you in times of happiness,” Clarke repeated, eyes scanning Lexa's.  
  
“I promise to give you respect, love and loyalty through all the trials and triumphs of our lives together.”  
  
Clarke's lips quirked up into a bigger smile as she echoed, “I promise to give you respect, love and loyalty through all the trials and triumphs of our lives together.”  
  
“This commitment is made in love, kept in faith, lived in hope, and made new every day of our lives.”  
  
More tears fell down her face as Clarke promised, “This commitment is made in love, kept in faith, lived in hope, and made new every day of our lives.”  
  
“Awesome,” Monty murmured, unable to keep his excitement in. He turned to Lexa, handing her the second ring, and said, “Lexa, place the ring on Clarke's finger, and repeat after me. I, Alexandria Woods, take you, Clarke Griffin, to be my wife.”  
  
Slowly Lexa slid the ring on Clarke's finger, and then just as slowly repeated, “I, Alexandria Woods, take you, Clarke Griffin, to be my wife.”  
  
“I will share my life with yours, build our dreams together, support you in times of trouble, and rejoice with you in times of happiness.”  
  
“I will share my life with yours, build our dreams together, support you in times of trouble, and rejoice with you in times of happiness,” she said, her gaze focused solely on the blonde.  
  
“I promise to give you respect, love and loyalty through all the trials and triumphs of our lives together.”  
  
Lexa brushed her thumb across the back of Clarke's hand as she whispered, “I promise to give you respect, love and loyalty through all the trials and triumphs of our lives together.”  
  
“This commitment is made in love, kept in faith, lived in hope, and made new every day of our lives.”  
  
Lexa could feel her heart swelling in her chest as she promised, “This commitment is made in love, kept in faith, lived in hope, and made new every day of our lives.” Clarke met her smile, matching it with one of her own as her tears continued to fall.  
  
Monty nodded to them both, his own tears flowing freely without him even trying to stop them, as he said, “And now: Clarke, do you take Lexa to be your wife, to have and to hold, in sickness and in health, till death do you part?”  
  
“I do,” Clarke answered easily, her voice ringing out over the entire crowd.  
  
“And do you, Lexa, take Clarke to be your wife, to have and to hold, in sickness and in health, till death do you part?” Monty asked, turning the attention to the brunette.  
  
“Longer,” Lexa replied, nodding, “I do, but for so much longer.”  
  
Monty grinned, and then looked out to the audience, gesturing to the two women, and declared, “Then it is my pleasure, by the power vested in me by the internet, it is my great honor to declare you Mrs. and Mrs. Griffin-Woods.” He paused for a minute, watching as the two gripped each others hands tighter, their eyes glowing as their smiles widened. He then rolled his eyes, telling them, “Well come on already, kiss your wife! We all know you want to!”  
  
And so they did. Just like that, they leaned forward, arms wrapping around each other, their bodies pressing close together, and then their lips were together, drinking in the other. Their tears mixed together as their cheeks bumped, hands reaching up to wipe the wetness from the others face, but they didn't break the kiss, staying together because with this kiss, with this ceremony and the words they had just said, they were together, finally and forever, they were together.  
  
If they had been paying attention to anything else, they would have argued over who started it. Clarke would have insisted that it all began with Raven's muttered, “About fucking time,” made only stronger by Octavia's applause quickly following, the small brunette too focused on keeping her tears from completely taking her over to scold her friend for her choice of language. Lexa would have disagreed; she would have said that instead it began with one of her people, most likely Ryder, the first one to stand up, albeit slowly and a bit shaky on his prosthetic leg, his hands coming together the next moment and only followed by the rest of her unit, all following him to rise, their cheers less controlled as they started to hoot and holler, the giant grins plastered across their faces as they cheered on their Heda and the terrifying Wanheda who kinda didn't look at all terrifying at the moment.  
  
But they weren't paying attention, so they didn't know who started the cheers that suddenly surrounded them. They had no clue who began it or how it got to be so chaotic and deafening, but even with all the noise neither girl even knew it was happening. Instead they held on to the other, arms wrapped over shoulders once the tears were wiped from their faces and fingers digging into hair that withstood the bombardment because that's what good hairspray was meant to do, and their mouths remained firmly together, smiles pulling at the corners of each. Neither focused on anything but the woman in her arms, held close to her as she would always be, had always been, even when they were apart, because they were in love, had been in love practically since that first day at camp, and now they were going to spend the rest of their lives together.  
  
And you know what? Everything about that felt absolutely perfect.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And... that's it. "The Note" is over. You guys have no idea how weird that is for me. For months now this story has been my main focus, and now it's done, and I just think that's so weird.
> 
> But! It means that it's time to move on to a new story! I was going to take a short break from writing, but with the news that season three is going to be starting soon (again, YAY!), I've decided not to, and instead am going to be diving right into "Unbroken," since I'd like to get a decent ways into that before season three starts. Unfortunately that does mean that I really won't be working on "Continuum" for a little while, which means we will have to leave Clarke and Lexa (in this universe at least) where they are for a while. I still have every intention of writing it though, so you just have to be patient with me, and hopefully "Unbroken" will be able to tide you over in the meantime. Be looking for the first chapter of that in the next week or so, as I really do plan on starting it very, very soon.
> 
> Again, thank you all so much for your support and love of this story, and for the final time I would absolutely love to hear your thoughts on "The Note." So please: comment, message me, kudos, or just read, do whatever you're most comfortable with, but know that I hope you enjoyed!


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